A/N: So, I want to thank all those who left comments in my stories,or just read them instead of doing something else! Thank you! Thank you all!
I hope you will enjoy this!
FULL SUMMARY:
Many will tell you that 'words can hurt you more than a punch in the stomach.' And aren't they right? Well most of the times they are...During a fight between Sam and John, while Den is out seeking information, Sam realizes just how right people can be. John erupts like a volcano and speaks words he later wishes had never left his lips, causing Sam to run off in a desperate attempt to save the person he loves the most. Because if Sam is far way, beyond Dean's reach, then Dean wil not have to protect him all the time, will not have to put his life on the line to keep him safe...
When Dean returns home, he takes matters in to his own hands and storms out the door looking for Sam. The Sam he finds though, is one Dean hoped he would never see... And now Dean has to take on the task of making his brother understand what he really means to him...
WARNINGS:
1)Non-canonon event, language, and Wincest (Sam/Dean)
2)Sam/Dean (Established relationship)
3)Sam is 17, Dean is 21
4)No spoilers, but you will have to know the relationships between Sam and John as well as the relationship between Dean and John.
5) I own nothing, neither the Supernatural series, nor its characters. Only my...vivid imagination!
So,off we go! A/N
"Damn it Sam, you have to listen to me when i say that this is all you have to know! And now, go and practice your shooting!" John Winchester's voice echoed throuout the small appartment by the road. He waved his hand towards his youngest son as rage built up in his chest. Rage, because Sam, at the age of 17, was something John could not handle.
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He was nothing like Dean. He wasn't following orders, he was questioning him and his disisions all the time and the most important; he had stated, loud and clear, that he wanted out of this life, he wanted to go to some fancy university. And that, John couldn't tolerate. It wasn't that he didn't love his sons. He did, more than anything. But the idea of Sam leaving them, going out on his own, while demons, vampires, ghosts and God knows what other supernatural crap were lurking in the shadows, made John Winchester crazy.
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Unfortunately, the elder Winchester hadn't choose to explain to his youngest the reasons why, he wouldn't let him go. Instead, he had insisted that Sam was now a hunter, like him and Dean, and that he couldn't leave all those things behind him and just seek out a 'normal life.' Declarations like that one, were the ones Sam hated the most and the ones that made him to want nothing more than to leave right at that moment.
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Sam's eyes narrowed and his hand clunched to a fist, but he managed to mentain his voice steady. " No, i am not gonna follow your every order! You have no right to manhandle me dad! I mean, what the hell,you made Dean go to the other side of town to meet a friend of yours who can help us with this. I don't have to be a genius to understand this thing is dangerous, and despite the fact that you know it too, you keep me in the dark about this thing, whatever it is!" "I am not, I am telling you that in order to defeat this thing, you need to train harder! So, go and train God damn it!" John shot back. "No, I am not going to be a soldier. That's it,either you tell me more about that shitty thing we hunt, or i am out for the count! Sam said, voice raising dangerously. "That's suppose to be a threat?" John mocked, lips turning into an ironic smile. "Take it as whatever you want." Sam said and turned around to leave the room.
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"Listen to me now boy." John said grabbing Sam's wrist firmly. " You will do as i say, you are my son and i have every right to-" But John could not finish his sentence. No, Sam wouldn't let him. "I love you dad, but honestly? You have no right over me. You don't know why i do the things i do, why i am good at the things i am, you weren't there to see me!" The boy yelled and his hazel eyes shined. And as lightning stroke, illuminating the room, Sam took a deep breath. That was it, he would say the things he needed to and would take on everything his father had to say in return.
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"You weren't there dad. Dean was. Dean fed me, kept me safe, away from all harm, supernatural, or otherwise. You didn't even have to tell him. Dean made sure i had all things nessecery when i was a kid, even if this meant he would get nothing. Dean was there at every school play i was in, clapping and cheering for me. Dean was there every time i got sick, there by my side, and even though he wouldn't speak words of comfort to me because you tought him that speaking of such things is just a weakness i always felt safe. Like i was home."
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At this point, the younger man paused and swallowed hard. Because there were so much more that Dean had done for him, so much more Dean still did for him, and so much more he would do, that even if they had all the time in the world, Sam wouldn't have been able to put them into words. Because words were not enough, to fully describe all those feelings both brothers had for each other... No, words were not enough, the would never be enough.
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Never enough, to describe the way Dean cared for his brother, for his happiness, for his well being. Never enough to describe the lengths in which Dean would go to protect his brother, the things he would do in a bling of an eye, if it meant Sam would be safe. Never enough to describe the way Sam admired and adored his brother, as well as the overwhelming feeling of safety and certainty he had when he was near him...Never enough to describe the unconditional love, a love way beyond brotherly, they both felt for one another and had finally confessed last year, after a hunt which had almost cost them their lives.
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And if words were not enough to describe how the brothers felt for each other when they were still hiding their true feelings, there were certainly no words for what they felt after they had crossed that line. Sam, who was better with 'this girly kind of stuff' as Dean had regularly pointed out, had recently come to the conclusion that they simply loved each other more than anything else. More than their own well being, more than everything and everyone in the world, more than life itself. Of course none of them had ever said any of this aloud, but then again, was that really necessary?
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Sam felt a familiar sting burning in his eyes and blinked the tears away, but knew his thoughts were true. He released a breath he was not aware he was holding and started talking again, determination in his voice. "Dean was the one who tought me how to shoot, how to hunt, how to do research." "Yea, because you wouldn't listen to a thing i had to say!" John answered back at once. "Dean was always soft on you, always thought that you were made of glass, this is why he never trained you as he should have! When it comes to you Dean is not worthy of my-" But Sam stopped him right there, raising his voice to cover the one of his father.
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"Don't you dare say one more freaking word! You can say whatever you want for me! Think whatever you want of me! But...Don't you dare...Don't you fucking DARE say a word about Dean! He would always do whatever you asked of him! He took upon responsibilities
no child should have! And in the rare case he made a mistake, you would yell at him, telling him that he wasn't capable of protecting me! Did you ever think that he doesn't deserve what you put on him? That you had him to raise me on his own? If you think you know one damn think about me, what do you think you know about Dean? Hah?" John's face went red and his fists trembled. The next words he said, left his lips without his brain controling them first." Oh, so you want to know what i know about Dean? I'll tell you then." The older hunter said voice sharp and tight.
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"Dean is a great 21year old kid, a talented mechanic, and a gifted hunter, who knows exactly how the job is done. He is a kid robbed of his childhood, so you could have one, you said it yourself, he was always there for you, he gave you everything and got nothing in return-" "That's because you weren't there to-" "He is my kid which is gonna get killed some day, not far from this one, because, he will probably shild you from something, which you will not be able to fight because you will luck training! And, hell , why train? You are not good at that right? What you're good at is talking back at me! Well that ain't gonna save Dean! And believe me when I say that I will not let him die for you like I let Mary!" the older man yelled and by the time the last word escaped his lips he knew he had said too much.
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Sam's heart skipped a bit at the sound of those words. Suddenly, his knees gave out on him, but he managed to take a few steps backwards, and rest his back on the wall. Even though a part of Sam knew that his father was just angry and didn't mean what he said, there was another part, which beg to differ. Many were the times when Dean had saved him by literally shielding him with his own body...Too many, one would say. Too few, Dean would answer back instantly, because for him it was not a heroic action, it was an instinctual move.
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'Protect Sam.' Plain and simple. Two words, carved in his skin, in his bones, in his soul. 'Protect Sam.' No matter the consequences, or the risk. Because what better way to use your body, if not to protect and conceal the purest and most precious thing of all? What better reason to exist if not to be loved, even a little, by the person you love the most?
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Sam's breath was caught in his throat and the younger man felt sick. He knew this was what Dean had in mind when it came to him, and he knew he felt the same. But he had never thought, or to be honest, he had never dared to imagine that Dean could be easily killed in one of those attempts.
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Sam was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the all too familiar sound of the 67 Chevy Impala pulling out of their apartment, a sound which could mean only one thing, Dean was back. "Go outside and run six rounds." John ordered his son and to his surprise Sam obeyed at once. But he didn't have the time to move pass the door. Because at the door now stood...
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"Jesus, dad, I swear, next time you sent me to some idiot jackass for information I-" But the middle Winchester stopped in mid-sentence, right where he stood by the door, as his shiny green eyes met wet hazel ones. "What the...Sam? What happened?" he asked voice tight, eyes flicking between his brother and his father. "Sammy what happened?" Dean asked again, his hand reaching out to touch his brother. "Don't touch me! Don't!" Sam shot back jerking away from Dean's touch. "And don't call me 'Sammy!" he yelled, storming out the door without even bothering to look outside the window before doing so. Because if he had he would have seen that the rain was now whipping everything and everyone who was not under some kind of shelter.
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But Sam couldn't care less. The realization that he might be the reason Dean would die had hit him hard and fast. He was feeling numb. The rain was falling on him painfully, but he couldn't feel it. The cold air which was blowing made his hands and feet ice- cold in no time, but he could not feel that either. All he could do was run. And that's exactly what he did. He ran and didn't look back, he ran, not having a clue to where he was going, letting his long legs decide where he needed to go. Any place was fine, as long as he was far from Dean, far enough so as not to be the cause of his death. Because if Dean was dead then Sam had no reason to live. Because, what better reason to exist, if not to be loved even a little, by the person you love the most?
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"What happened dad? You had a fight again?" the green eyed hunter asked. "Dean, Sam is just his usual stubborn self-" "No, Sam can be really stubborn at times, but now he wasn't. No, now he was scared, he was scared dad, so tell me right now what the fuck happened while I was gone!" Dean yelled waving his hands in anguish. "Mind your tongue Dean-" "Tell me what happened...Now." Dean repeated, his voice dropping an octave if not more. "You are the one who taught me to protect Sam against all evil, to shoot first and ask questions and the like later, so speak."
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John had never seen his eldest like that. The Dean standing before him right then was the hunter John knew his son was, but had never really had to put in use...until now. His eyes were sharp, his body tensed ready to attack at any moment, his hand was ghosting over the gun he always kept on him...But there was more. John could also see his son was in this so called 'big brother-mode'. Painted in his face were the agony, the affection, and the deep love Dean felt for his brother. And so the Dean standing before John was a mix of those two things. Tough, skilled hunter on the outside, while, soft and caring brother on the inside. The most dreadful of combinations.
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A combination which meant that Dean would end anyone who dared to hurt Sam because he had the skills to do it and that he would give his life to protect his brother's because...Well, because that was who he really was. And this made John understand that Sam had been right. Dean was the one who was there for Sam...Always Dean... "Dad, I am not going to say this again, tell me what the fuck happened!" And John did...
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"You told him... what?" Dean asked unable to believe what he was hearing. "It was just a slip of the tongue, I didn't mean-" But the older hunter could not finish his sentence because Dean had vanished into the bedroom. A minute later, he returned holding both, his own and his brother's duffle. "Dean where are you-" "Your friend told me that Bobby has some information about this thing we hunt. So, that's what's going to happen. I will go find Sam and convince him that I have no intention of dying any time soon. And after he is convinced, we will come to Bobby's." the younger man said determination in his voice.
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John's eyes scanned Dean's face carefully. There was something his son was hiding from him, but the older man could not understand what it was, not exactly. It felt as if Dean was acting weird. All this protectiveness, all this affection and love, there was something wrong about it. To John it felt like it was too much. He knew that his eldest would do anything for his younger sibling, even defy his orders, but this was as if Dean's love for Sam was more than..."No, no I am delirious, this is not possible." John thought to himself.
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"Dean, you know your brother lacks training-" "What he lacks is a father. So, until you come back to your senses, Bobby is gonna play this role...Sir."He continued, his voice filled with anger. "Fine we will meet up there. And Dean..." John said voice low and softer "...Be careful son. Both of you." Dean's eyes glanced at his father for a splinted second and then he nodded his head in agreement. "Yea, you too dad...You too." And out of the door he was...
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END OF CHAPTER 1.