Muse bit me…. Wound infected… Results below

Arthur was having the worst day ever.

Seriously, he needed to ask Merlin if he was cursed. Trouble seemed to dog his steps everywhere he went. Or wait maybe it was Merlin who was cursed and since that idiot was a leech to his side, he was bearing the brunt of it!

All he had wanted was a day away from his Kingly duties. A hunt with his friends. Was this too much to ask?

The past month had been filled with trade talks, farmers' meets, guild workers' council and every other boring, mind numbing congregation. He had desperately wanted, no needed a respite or he would have gone mad. Hence the hunt.

What was more relaxing invigorating than stalking and bagging game. A night or two in the rough with his men would have certainly lifted his spirits. But no, it was not to be so!

Ever since they left Camelot, his idiot of a man servant made it a point to loudly and noisily complain about the injustices in hunting! That annoying idiot! Men had to eat did they not? They were not rabbits or goats who would peacefully nibble at grass. Real men needed meat to be strong and protect.

But no, Merlin would rather befriend a deer than eat it! No wonder he was so scrawny- all bones no meat. If this went on, he would never find himself a girl. Really, what girl would ever look at a bag of bones? No girl would want a beau whose waist was slimmer than hers! He would know. He was after all a happily married man.

He wondered when it had all gone so wrong. Was the hunt damned ever since the very beginning? Because; thanks to his every helpful servant they had only managed to snare a pheasant and a hare for their dinner. No big game to proudly take back home. But Arthur was a stubborn man, he refused to let Merlin win. He refused to go back empty handed. What kind of King would he be if he could not even bag a boar or a deer? That would be shameful. Just because Merlin's heart seemed to melt every time he gazed upon a deer did not mean that he would let an animal out of his clutches again! The first two times were bad enough. If anyone other than his trusted knights had been there, they would have thought of him to be soft- and a King can't be soft! Forget Camelot- he would be the laughing stock of all Five Kingdoms.

With that in mind, come morning, he was rather enthused to hunt down a deer- Merlin be damn. But did things ever happen as he wished for? Never!

No sooner had they broken camp, they had been ambushed by bandits.

Really, after all these years did the bandits learn nothing? They must be rather dim to cross paths with the knights of Camelot again and again! Even he knew by now how the events would turn out.

The horses would be spooked and immediately run off.

Any bandit hiding in the trees would either lose their weapons or fall off their perch.

The ones on the ground would either trip on air, drop their weapons or even aim terribly.

All the drama would culminate with the knights and himself being knocked out. (Over the years he had come to respect his hard head).

Finally he would wake up to his idiotic manservant flashing his pearly whites at him and congratulating him on yet another muddled up victory.

So yes that did happen. The script was perfected over the years. One that no one questioned.

They all even knew what came next. Percival and Gwaine went after the horses while Merlin and he took care of the bodies and the campsite.

See this was routine, this was normal. What was not normal, was another bunch of annoying bandits making their presence known while they got rid of their predecessors' bodies.

By then Arthur was pissed! He could only take one band of bandits a day! And he had not yet caught any game. Some fine trip this was turning out to be! All. Because. Of. That. Fool. Merlin. The fool who was holding a sword by his side.

As the bandits surrounded them; Arthur looked at Merlin. He could see the panic in his eyes as he scanned the enemy, his sword and finally Arthur. Then making up his mind he held his sword up and said, "What do you think Arthur? Think we can hold them off till Gwaine and Percival get back?"

The idiot! He was actually going to use the sword? He was possibly the worst swordsman in the Five Kingdoms combined! That's when his patience snapped. Was a hunt too much to ask for? He was the King for crying out loud! There had to be some justice for all his pains. With that though he dropped his sword to the ground and covered his eyes.

"Er, Arthur," Merlin voice floated.

"What," he snapped.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting."

"Waiting?"

"Yes, are you done?"

"Am I done?"

"Really Merlin, are you going to repeat everything I say," he grumbled. "Get on with it."

"Get on with what Arthur? Are you all right? Did you hit your head too hard?" Merlin asked in panic tugging at Arthur's hands.

With a growl Arthur uncovered his eyes to glare at his perplexed friend and a bunch of shocked bandits who were rooted at their place. Pulling together the dregs of all his Kingly patience together he calmly said, "Merlin please, I'm begging of you. Get rid of the bandits so we can finally get on with our hunt. The past month was torturous and all I wanted was some time to relax with my friends. Is it too much to ask? Our whole trip has been disastrous. And I have already been knocked out today. My quota is over. I refuse to conk out again! Even my head can get tender! So blow them off and we can proceed with our day before I lose my mind."

"I don't blow…" sputtered Merlin.

The King glared, "I don't care! Turn them into ferrets for all I care!"

Having given his Warlock his leave, the Once and Future King promptly clasped his hands back over his eyes.