A/N: I somehow doubt that Naruto was just fine right off the bat after the war. I also have a desperate need to explore how some of the canonic couples got together. In case you missed the warning in the description, this is an intense self harm/depression/anxiety/suicide fic. Do not sacrifice your well being to read this little thing. You are worth more than that. I guess I can't really judge though, because I do that. Thus, this fic. I love you guys. Please, please, please know that I love helping people even if all they need is listening ear. My inbox is always open and I check it often. Updates will not be often or reliable. Read, review and enjoy!

Chapter One: Loss of appetite

Loss of appetite: a decrease in any of the instinctive desires necessary to keep up organic life; especially the desire to eat

"This mission is highly classified." Kakashi emphasized this by glaring at Naruto. The blond ninja tried to look innocent, failed, and cracked a grin.

"No worries, Kakashi-sensei." Off to the side, Sasuke smirked. Sakura, of course, ignored them both. Sai could only marvel. He'd thought Team 7 was effective when he'd been the third member. With Sasuke as the fourth, they were unstoppable, despite two of the members being short an arm.

"We've uncovered, due to an in depth interrogation of an old aquaintance of Sasuke-kun's that Orochimaru and Kabuto had a super secret lab where they kept an especially dangerous specimen, or as I prefer, victim." Sasuke frowned ever so slightly, Naruto looked angry and Sakura cracked her knuckles. They glanced at each other for the briefest instant, then Naruto spoke. No one thought to look at Sai.

"Where, when do we leave, any other details we need to know?" Kakashi's eyes scrunched, showing the grin beneath his mask. He held out a sealed scroll.

"Here's a map, attuned to Sakura-chan's chakra signature so enemies can't read it. You leave as soon as you can be ready. Be aware that we don't know much about the experiment, only that it is female, slightly younger than the four of you and that she was in a comatose state before the War. Whether that holds true is unknown. Capture only, unless it proves to be an uncontrollable weapon of mass destruction." He saluted lazily. "Good luck."

Sai started to follow the others out, but was stopped by Kakashi's outstretched arm.

"Hang back a second." He said. Sai obliged, standing with his eyes meeting Kakashi's, arms hanging relaxed at his sides. His true expression was perfectly masked by his pleasant smile. Kakashi studied him, then placed a hand on his shoulder.

"How are you getting along with the new team member?" Sai kept his smile.

"Fine. He is a skilled addition to the team." His voice was neutral, unconcerned. Kakashi wasn't an idiot.

"And you've been contributing on missions?" It could have been taken as an insult, but Sai knew what he was really asking. He nodded.

"As much as I can, Sensei." Kakashi studied him a moment, then smiled and released him.

"Good." He gave Sai's shoulder a hard pat. "Go on. I think they said something about meeting at the front gate in half an hour." So Sai escaped.

Sasuke, even after a month of the arrangement, wasn't sure how to feel about living in the same apartment as Naruto. He had his own room, Naruto kept the cupboards stocked with non-ramen meals for him, didn't bug him overmuch. In fact, Naruto seemed to be going out of his way to act mature and give Sasuke his privacy.

At the same time though, Sasuke couldn't help but be annoyed at the way Naruto randomly said something like, "Remember the time I tied you up so I could talk to Sakura?" Or "Remind me to tell you sometime about the time we saved Gaara." He never pushed Sasuke to talk about it. He'd just mention it, then fall back into whatever he was doing, which increasingly involved sitting or laying around, staring into the distance with a smile on his face and pain in his eyes.

And the way Naruto would suddenly walk into the bathroom, shut and lock the door, and not come out for just barely longer than was normal. Sasuke wondered if something was wrong. Not that he was worried.

So when, after packing what he needed, Naruto closed himself in the bathroom, Sasuke got close enough to overhear what was happening. At first, nothing, then the water ran and there was splashing. Then a voice, so shaky and scared that it almost couldn't have been Naruto's, spoke.

"You're strong. Sasuke-kun, Sakura-chan and Sai-kun are strong. Kurama is strong. You can save this girl. It won't happen again. No one will die."

Sasuke felt something cold settle in the pit of his stomach. He thought back, remembering how ramen had been disappearing less and less from the cupboard. He had assumed Naruto was eating out more often. He saw again, in his mind's eye, those painful, wistful looks the blond ninja got sometimes. He frowned. Maybe he should tell somebody.

Then he shook his head. Everyone was a little shook up after the War. Naruto would snap out of it. Silently, he crept to the door, swinging his pack over his shoulder.

"Come on, dobe." He called.

"Oh yeah, I'm ready!" Naruto's normal confident voice rang through the apartment, the toilet flushed and Naruto came out, bouncing on his toes and grinning. "Come on, Sasuke-teme." And like a rush of wind, he was out the door, leaping from rooftop to rooftop with bubbly enthusiasm. Sasuke followed, more controlled, more serious.

Sakura and Sai were waiting at the gate and Naruto greeted them with his usual exuberance. Sasuke watched him carefully, analyzing Naruto's every motion, every expression. Was it just in his mind, or was Naruto avoiding touching his teammates? Was it just a trick of the light or were Naruto's eyes duller and sadder than usual? Had Naruto winced when Sai shook his hand or was that just his typically mobile facial expression?

Sakura noticed Sasuke's attention, caught his eye, and raised her eyebrow questioningly. Sasuke shook his head almost imperceptibly, letting his eyes harden slightly to tell her not to pry. She nodded.

"Let's get going, boys." She said. "Head southeast."

"I'll take point." Sasuke said.

"I've got our rear." Naruto volunteered.

"Move out." Sakura said. And with a whoosh, they moved, Sai a bit ahead of Sakura in the center.

They made good time, bantering back and forth. Naruto was, as usual, the jokester, although as time went on, he spoke less and less. When they stopped for lunch, Naruto came into the clearing and stumbled, catching himself on his hand and knees. As the others glanced at him, he jumped up, laughing sheepishly.

"I've got to learn to watch my feet." He rubbed the back of his head. Sakura and Sai shrugged it off, but Sasuke only pretended to look away, filling his canteen in the river. He activated his Sharingan, watching Naruto. The blond ninja stood there, smiling faintly, fist clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white. His eyes, usually crystalline clear and full of joy, seemed clouded and drowned in sorrow.

But in the instant it took Sasuke to turn, Naruto was grinning, posture casual and relaxed. He walked forward with his canteen, walking past Sasuke and crouching to the river. Sasuke relaxed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. Either he wa reading too deeply into this, or something was very wrong.

He noticed that although Naruto took food, every other bite ended up thrown into the bushes when he thought no one was looking. The bites he actually put into his mouth were chewed slowly and swallowed, but after each, he looked at what remained with an emotion akin to fatigue. But every time someone looked at him, he was all smiles and full mouth, saying stupid things while crumbs spewed from his mouth. His act was nearly perfect, except that Sasuke was a master of observation.

So he was surprised when Sakura pulled him aside, on the pretext of consulting him about the map, and looked him in the eye.

"Have you noticed anything… different about Naruto recently?" Sasuke kept his face blank.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, does he eat that little at home? Has he been that clumsy for a while? Has he been sick?" Sasuke was tempted to tell her his theory, but it really wasn't his business. Sakura grabbed his wrist, hard, then released it when her remembered about Sasuke's aversion to touch. Instead, she glared at him, stubborn and tenacious despite his Sharingan and Rinnegan. It was a nice change to everyone looking down at his approach.

"He's our friend. It's our job to help him." Sasuke's eyes flashed, an instant of shocked fury that she seemed to read him so well. Then, though he couldn't tell why, the anger drained away. He relaxed.

"Something is wrong." He briefly recounted what had happened before they left, then his observations since. Then he asked, "Before I showed up at the battle, did someone important to him die?" Sakura was about to ask him how he'd missed it, then realized Sasuke had left as soon as physically possible after the war, only coming back about a week ago. Combine that with his anti-social tendencies and it was no wonder.

"Neji Hyuga-san jumped in front of Naruto-kun to save him. He died right there in Naruto-kun's arms. There was nothing anyone could have done." She blinked back tears. "He was one of Naruto-kun's best supporters and friends ever since Naruto-kun beat him in the Chuunin exams. He was a genius and a true hero." Sasuke bowed his head, an inadequate and overly simple gesture of respect for a fallen hero. Then he spoke.

"Naruto blames himself. He's punishing himself." He looked up into Sakura's eyes. "His head is not in the mission and he's going to get himself killed. Especially since he's not eating enough." Sakura nodded.

"So we need to either stage an intervention or send him back to Konoha." Sasuke frowned.

"Or we can use Sai-kun's ink birds to send a message to Kakashi-sensei. We'll come up with an excuse to stay here and Kakashi-sensei can come get him." Now Sakura looked troubled.

"Why all the subterfuge?" She asked. "Why would we lie?"

"Because if we confront him, he'll deny it and it will frighten him. He doesn't realize how depressed he is. Besides, we don't want him to think we agree that it's his fault, or to be wandering around on his own like that." Sakura nodded, unhappy but recognizing the need.

"Fine. What excuse should we use?"

"This one." All at once, he doubled over, hissing. Sakura, concerned, crouched next to him.

"Sasuke-kun, what's wrong?" He straightened slowly, brushing her off with a grimace.

"I'm fine." Then he bent over again, seemingly forced over by pain.

"Sasuke?" Naruto dropped what he was packing and ran over. "What's going on?" Sasuke ground his teeth, tightening his abdomen to make the words sound forced.

"Did you… drink water… from the stream?" He'd been watching. He knew Sai and Sakura were still drinking Konoha water, and Naruto hadn't drunk from the canteen he'd filled at the stream. All three shook their heads. He breathed heavily, mildly embarrassed by his act, but with Naruto's agonized expression burned into his mind's eye.

"Well don't. There's something in the water." Sakura had picked up on the act by now. She knelt beside him, professionally checking his pulse and running her chakra-lit hand over his abdomen. He found it hard not to smile and relax at the warm energy from it.

"Sit down. I'm going to test the water." She settled him against a tree, dragging Naruto and Sai with her.

"Naruto, you got water from the stream, right? Bring me your canteen. Sai, I need you to send a message." Naruto rushed off and Sai pulled out his scroll and brush. Sakura carefully worded the message, although Sai looked at her strangely.

Sensei

U sick. Retrieval necessary. More info on personal arrival. Urgent. He kept his promise.

◊ 7

Naruto ran up, panting slightly, and held out his canteen. While Sai sent off the message, Sakura carefully poured a little water into her palm, sniffed it, inspected it, tasted a little bit and then spat it out. She ran chakra through it while Naruto watched anxiously. Finally, she sighed.

"There must be a diseased carcass upstream." She said. "The rotting contaminated the water." She poured Naruto's water out. "Boil some water for drinking. Tell Sai to set up camp and gather firewood. I'm going to check on Sasuke." Naruto nodded, walking away. Sakura walked over to join Sasuke.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm fine." He grumbled, attempting to get up. Sakura pushed him back down.

"Rest. Poisoning like this is no joke." She touched his forehead. "Fever already." She frowned, although his forehead was cool. This act was starting to bother her.

"I hate this." He growled. She knew he agreed with her.

"I know you do." She murmured, letting him drink from her canteen. "Do you feel nauseous? Dizzy?" He nodded vaguely, his attention focused on following Naruto in the clearing.

"Are you sure Naruto's going to be okay?" He asked quietly. She nodded.

"He'll be fine. Don't worry. Help is on the way. Now stop talking and lay still. You're still recovering from losing your arm because you didn't listen to my advice and stick around to rest." He grumbled a bit more, but lay back and closed his eyes.

A/N: I'm coming into this story much more prepared. I already have over fifty pages handwritten. All I have to do is type it up with minor, on-the-fly edits and I'm good to go. Let me know what you think, and my specific question I'd like feedback on for this chapter is characterization. How do you think I did on the characters so far? Outside of that, I'm a great listener, I appreciate constructive criticism and question about completely unrelated topics as well. My inbox is always open! Love you guys.