~ Bella's POV ~

From where I lay in our bed, I was in perfect view of the sunrise. I lay there still from the dark of early morning till the break of dawn when, finally, the sun broke over the mountaintop and a streak of golden light slipped through the gap between the curtains illuminating the corner of the room in a ray of golden light. The light hit the vanity, reflecting off both the mirror and the crystal vase atop the tabletop. The unique pattern sending an eruption of colour and light shimmering across the ceiling reminiscent of rippling water. It was only as morning turned into noon that I felt Kai shift his weight from behind, curling me deeply into the shape of his body.

"It would be improper for us to waste a day such as this in bed." He mumbled. I felt his eyelashes flutter, whispers tickling against my back.

"It's what we did yesterday," I breathed in deeply, tasting a room which otherwise has been undisturbed for many hours. A room which, like I, would have preferred to remain that way.

"Which is why we shouldn't waste today," He replied softly.

I rolled to face him, my disturbing the bedsheets resulting in a wave of dust motes soaring through the air and spinning across the room like tiny planets. I focussed on his eyes, which he had closed again. My attention zoning in on the fine lines of his eyelids; I began counting his eyelashes.

"No day is wasted." I finally said and although his eyes remained closed, his mouth softened at the edges. I pressed my thumb to the right corner, then brushed it across the smooth dip of this lower lip. It parted at my touch.

"You're right. What was I thinking?" He chuckled to himself, his breath wafting over my face and straight up my nostrils, filling them with his delicate scent. I devoured it, binding it to every memory of him I could but along with it, followed another familiar scent. Kai had returned from a hunt the day before and the scent of blood still clung to him and each time I tasted it on his lips, it called to me, taunted me, mocked me. It flared up that burn deep in my throat and I knew it was time.

"But…" I said at last, "I do need to hunt."

At this, his eyes widened and slowly he sat upright. Last night's escapades resulting in a complete restyle of his already tangled hair. "Hunt." He repeated as if contemplating the word.

"Yes," I agreed with a slight nod.

"Okay, do you want me to come with you?"

I tried my hardest not to roll my eyes. "No, Kai. I'm fine." His heart was in the right place. I leaned up to peck him a kiss before forcing myself out of the bed and towards the dresser. I could sense the hesitation and caution radiating from him, I could also sense his failing attempt as acting nonchalant about it all.

"Shouldn't be too long," I said as I finished zipping up the black hoody I'd pulled on over some leggings.

"See you soon." He said, watching me go. I closed the door and headed past the others' bedrooms; at the bottom of the stairwell, I sat to lace up my boots and was greeted by the soft pad of small footsteps and a tiny beating heart. I couldn't help but smile at Astrid as she appeared and sashayed to my side. She stretched into my palm as I ran my fingers along her warm fur, twirling her tail around my finger but began to cry when she noticed what I was doing. She could tell I was leaving, and she didn't like it when I left.

"You're as bad as him," I whispered, kissing the top of her head before opening the front door and heading out into the crisp air.

I hopped down the porch instead of bracing the icy stone steps; thick layers of snow crunched beneath my boots as I set off walking down along the cliff's edge. Halfway down the drive, I heard the soft pad of paws against glass and glanced over my shoulder to see Astrid pressed up against the living room window. Kai appeared in the gap between the curtains. He scratched the top of her head and she leaned into it.

The two of them comforting one another in this obviously distressing time.

Kai spotted me and smiled. I winked at him, pursed my lips at Astrid and continued on. I don't know when but at some point, she'd become my cat since the move to Denali.

Of course, we had left Forks.

The decision had been unanimous. That town held too many memories – not all bad – but for the most part, those lands reminded us only of what we had lost. It was agreed that moving to a new part of the country and starting over was our best chance at a fresh start. We had yet to decide upon the perfect location to settle – a place with plenty of shade, a wide range of woodland and mountains – our most common thought was somewhere in Canada. But for the time being, we had settled in Denali.

I believed Tanya and Kate who had become official Cullen's had wanted to return in hopes that if Carmen (who had still yet to appear) chose to return anytime soon, she would know where to find them. We worried about her but understood that she had experienced a great loss and that she needed time to adjust to that. All we could do was hope one day – and one day soon – she would return to us.

I reached the edge of the cliff, positioned myself and leapt forward. The air rushed by me, already almost tearing my hair free from the weak band it'd been thrown back into. I hit the face of the mountain, my fingers carving long marks into the stone as I used it to slow my descent. This was the very mountain I'd leapt off the first time we'd visited the Denali's and Alice had foreseen Kai's death back in Forks. At that time, I hadn't cared about slowing down but considering I didn't have the time to heal any broken ankles such a fall would cause, I took my time getting to the valley of the mountain.

Being so high, we had to travel down the mountain to the forest to hunt. It took a little longer, but I didn't mind the alone time. It had never dawned on me as a human that privacy would become a non-existent thing as a vampire. Having every conversation overheard, every movement subconsciously registered by the others in the house; I didn't mind it so much given who my family was but still found myself cherishing these lonely moments. It was in these moments, I got to know myself.

Though amid my hunt, I understood more clearly why Kai had been worried about me doing this alone. As I stalked and neared my pray – an unsuspecting moose wandering alone through a heavily wooded pocket – the overwhelming aroma of blood washed over me and I hesitated. The moment I felt his warmth, tasted him on my tongue, the taste a hundred times more powerful than Kai's lips, I felt the horror creep in.

Something had happened to me not too long after the return of my memories which had made even the idea of hunting…difficult, to say the least. It hadn't truly dawned on me until a few days after regaining my memories. Until something Kai had said about the taste of human blood versus animal blood that triggered the memories and once they started, they didn't stop.

The overlapping images of terror and gore and bloodshed were continuous.

It had never bothered me when I had been just Isabella – obviously, I knew the error of my ways – but the part of me that had only ever been Bella hadn't been able to cope with the sheer brutal truth of the horrors we had committed, even if eighty percent of them were in memory alone. I knew that but it didn't make them any less real. Hundreds of terrified expressions, thousands of begs and pleads of mercy, countless lives lost. The faces of everyone I had ever killed haunted me permanently. The guilt came and it came in great, tsunami-like waves, crushing me, drowning me, suffocating me. The pain too much to physically bare.

And had only gotten worse.

In the end, guilt and remorse had overcome me. Kai had resorted to taking me to the bed in Edward's room, drawing the shades and curling up behind me, his soft touches, reassurances, and affirmations my only comfort. We spent well over a week in that dark room together whilst my mind processed all the horrible things I'd done. Whilst slowly, I was able to reason with my own sanity and guilt and recognise that I had been a different person back then. More under someone else's control than ever before and that the worst of what I had done had been lies, false tales and stories made up by Aro to…give me character. Despite this truth settling in, I still found the sheer thought of blood one that excited and terrified me. The only way to describe it was like PTSD. Being around blood triggered the memories and the memories brought with them sudden, overbearing guilt, physically stunning me. If I'd still relied on oxygen, I'd had passed out with hyperventilating.

During that first hunt since the move, we'd gone as a group which turned out to be a good idea as it had been almost impossible for me to go ahead with the kill. Something which in hindsight sounds ridiculous as no one knew the art of killing the way I did, but all it took was one whiff of fresh blood to bring back those memories and I'd found myself caught in a tug-of-war over my need to feed and my disgust and guilt. I had entered full-on panic mode before Kai settled me and together, we finished our hunt. I think seeing how badly I reacted to the first hunt since regaining my memories had caused him – well, caused them all, really – to worry about me but today I felt strong, felt secure enough in myself to face this alone.

I hunted, nourished my body, the need for blood strong enough to help me through the memories and before I knew it the moose was spent, and I was strong again. I repositioned the body, somewhere private, somewhere it could decompose in peace and set off on the journey home. I took an alternate route, skipping the road and instead took to scaling the mountain ahead, leaping from cliff edge to edge, leaping over peaks and twisting through caverns, appearing like some superpowered parkour enthusiast until finally, I landed on a crop of rock on a mountain peak adjacent to the Denali home.

I spotted the house in the crescent-shaped crook of the mountainside; recognised silhouettes passing by windows, the soft chatter of conversation beyond. The warmth of a fire beckoned me back to them but, having felt as if I'd had little to no time alone lately, I continued further up the mountain, into the cold and the snowbank. I went beyond the house, travelling further up the mountain range until I reached the summit. A flat stretch of rock and snow, spreading out seemingly as far as the eye could see but there, about thirty feet out, a sheer drop. In this light, with the early morning sky and the pale backdrop of the mountains, the edge almost undetectable.

I headed for it and collapsed down and leaned back against the soft snowbank, letting the dry powder reshape itself around my weight. The sun high above me, it's exquisite light glowing gold in some places, white in others. Through the corner of my eyes, I could see the way the snow around me lit up like billions of microscopic diamonds.

It was beautiful up here. Peaceful. Quiet. The only true sound was that of the wind. Never before in my life had I experienced this kind of solitude, felt this kind of freedom, felt at home. Home. I still found the word foreign, the sound of it bringing forward images of a dozen places, a hundred different people.

Before Denali became our temporary home, I spent my last few days in Forks at my own home. My true home. Being back in that old house had been the most wonderful yet heart-breaking feeling in the world. Rosalie had accompanied me at the time; we'd moved from room to room, revelling in the memories rushing back.

I sat on the edge of Charlie's bed and reached out to touch his pillow – the scent of him overwhelmingly familiar. "I wish I could see him," I'd said.

"You know you can't," Rosalie had replied from where she had been leaning against the doorframe.

"I know. Charlie's been through so much. I don't wanna think about what it'd do to him if he found out I was alive, let alone a vampire."

"It's not only that," Rosalie had added, "Your father coming back into your life makes him once again a target for the Volturi. Put's him back on Aro's radar." She'd been right, of course. It had been that reassurance that gave me the strength to leave Charlie and the memory of Forks behind, where they were safe. But leaving Forks meant leaving behind another significant part of both my past and present lives; a part I couldn't permanently forget.

Jacob.

Saying goodbye to Jacob had been difficult. Much like the rest of my family. I'd only just got him back and already; he was no longer a part of my life. But it was required we leave Forks and required he stay to protect it, as Alpha. I missed him, though. Painfully. I text him every day – updated him on life here in Denali. He kept us up to date on life as Alpha of the Pack and how Leah was healing. Things were looking up for the people of Forks, especially with him around to protect it. I don't know how but a part of me knew it would be a while since I saw Jacob Black again.

I heard the approaching footsteps before the voice that accompanied them. "I thought I'd spotted a mysterious beauty scaling this mountain."

Kai's scent blew past me into the wind. His footsteps only a faint whisper against the powder.

"And you just decided to follow this beauty?" I accused with a tease.

He slumped beside me, sending an eruption of feathery ice crystals into the air. The wind snatched them and carried them away.

"How'd it go?"

"Fine," I lied.

"You've been coming out here often at this time,"

"It's nice, just to be able to be in the quiet, ya know." A guilty thought, considering how many times this past year I'd believed I'd never get to see my family again. Sometimes the weight of that fear threatened to drown me, but I clung to Edward's words like I life raft. "For now, Aro wants peace."

Which meant my family was safe. With that comfort in mind, I granted myself times like this. I needed them. Kai understood that. I knew the only reason he'd followed me this morning was to check on the hunt, was to see if I'd needed that support. The wind blew again, lifting m hair from my shoulders and tugging on my coat. Where it parted, the sun caught the edge of the metal at my throat and it glistened brightly. I caught him looking at it.

"Does it bother you? I keep the ring?" It would be stupid of me to believe Kai hadn't discovered the ring was in my possession, that I wore it on my person – on a single chain wrapped around my throat, long enough to hide beyond my neckline and between my bosom – yet we had never spoken about it openly before. I knew he wouldn't mind but it was still something of an awkward subject.

"No. I don't think so, anyway," He frowned at the snow he played with it, as if trying to make sense of his thoughts in the moment. "You remember the talk we had in our classroom, in the corner, under the blankets?"

I…I did remember.

It was only a couple of days before Aro had Kai erase me. Kai and I had fallen in love long before then and, after kissing for the first time, had asked me about Edward. We had spoken about Edward before them but this was the first time he had been brought up after acknowledging our feelings for one another. I remembered telling Kai that I still loved Edward, that I would always love Edward…but that didn't mean that I couldn't love him. I remembered…I remembered him telling me that he understood that, that it wasn't the best thing for someone in his position to hear, but that he understood it wholeheartedly.

"I remember," I told him, dipping my head to rest against his shoulder.

"For as long as we have been together, you have always loved Edward. You always will." I knew this to be true. "I accepted that before, and I accept it now because your love him is a part of who you are. It helped shape you into the new woman you are today. A woman I love."

It was strange to love Kai. I loved him as Isabella, and I loved him as Bella. Two different kinds of loves, two entirely separate relationships in a way that had become one. You would think having both sets of memories – and having a perfect recall of those memories – would make it easier to make sense of your life. It didn't.

Nothing about what had happened or what was going to happen made sense. The uncertainty of it all bothered me.

"What are you thinking?" Kai asked,

"You sound like Edward," I teased, and he rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, what are you thinking. You look puzzled,"

I exhaled heavily, "I'm just…just thinking. I'm thinking about how hard this is all going to be, how hard it's going to get. We have absolutely no idea what the future holds,"

"Alice does."

I smacked his chest,

"I know what you mean. But you heard Edward, Aro wants to stay as far away from us as he can for as long as he can."

"But how long is that going to be exactly?" I mused, "How long before he gathers enough soldiers to destroy us? Or before these rebellious vampires across the world drive him to act? All that is going to come and here I am, once the most feared immortal on the planet and I get the jitters at the idea of killing a moose."

Kai dropped his head and laughed. In a way, it annoyed me. Yet, I laughed too.

"It's not funny, Kai." I laughed.

He didn't stop but draped an arm around my shoulder. "I can't tell you how long, I wish I could, but I can't. But Alice will see when something changes. But that won't be for a long while." He kissed my cheek. "We have time. We have a forever ahead of us."

"Forever." I laughed. The word felt like a bit of a joke.

A forever spent worrying about an impending battle – no, impending war – I was sure to come. A forever of questions without answers. Forever was begging to sound like a curse.

But… about three things I was absolutely positive.

The first, the constant manipulation of my memory – and through extension, my emotion and identity – had created someone else entirely. Someone yet to discover what they felt or who they had become. Someone with potential.

Second, we still had enemies out there. The Volturi would not forget what happened in Volterra…and they would not forgive. One day they would retaliate and hit me and my family with everything they've got.

My third certainty – the one I felt rang true with my entire being – was that when that time did come, when we went to war, I was going to be ready for them.

The End

1st of all I owe a massive apology for getting to the end of the story and waiting a WHOLE DAMN YEAR before uploading the last chapter. No excuses other than I never got around to finishing it and life got in the way. I am here now, in the midst of this quarantine and have finally finished it. My sincerest apologises. I hope everyone is staying safe.

So, it is done.

I started writing this story in April of 2016 – a long time ago and only now, in March of 2020, am I finishing it. It is a bittersweet feeling to be finally finishing this story. I am strangely proud of it. The characters are not mine – other than Kai, Sebastian and in a way, Isabella – nor is the lore of the world they live in and yet, I still feel immense pride in myself and this piece of Fanfiction.

I think this comes from the way the story came about the struggles I faced whilst writing it. Usually, I like to plot out almost every detail of a story before I begin writing but with this one, I didn't. When the idea came to me, I had very little knowledge of the arc of the story, the characters and where we would end up. I am trash for the 'Antagonist turns the protagonist' storyline as I am fascinated by the idea of a creature with a lack of emotion learning to feel and to love. The first-ever case of this I found was in the TV Show 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' (Spoilers coming - although let's be fair the show aired over 20 years ago, you should have watched by now) when the Demon Anyanka had her powers stripped and she had to adjust to human life and all that came with it. So excited by the idea of writing from the perspective of an essentially evil Bella I jumped right in and after writing the first four chapters, uploaded them right away. This 'Pantser' way of writing was something I was not familiar with or comfortable with.

Alongside that, I have had quite a struggle when writing this story. I have personally been through quite a lot in the years I have spent writing this story. I moved away from home – twice – I lost a relative and then lost my best friend, started a university degree, got engaged and then the engagement broke off and moved back home, to name but a few of the crazy things that happened to me these past few years. Needless to say all of these – and the pressures of a full-time job – left me with very little time or energy to write. It left me depressed. It shows, in the ridiculously long breaks I took between uploading chapters. I have felt so awful leaving large gaps in time before uploading chapters, it bothered me just as much as I'm sure it bothered you. I do hope it is forgivable. It was during this time I regretted the decision to just go along with the story and work with the plot as it came to me. That might also show.

And yet, as life moved on and I mourned and I healed and I grew, I found my creativity returning and with it, a desire to continue. So, you can understand why I feel the way I do now we have ultimately reached the end – kind off. We'll get there in a bit – finishing 'Remember' is my accepting that even when times get rough you need to persevere, no matter how long it takes you, because in the end, it was all worth it.

One thing I noticed in your reviews as the story went on was an evenly distributed love and hate for Kai and Edward. This is completely understandable, of course, and in the past, I have tried my best to explain why I chose to happen what happened and what it meant. Now this story is finished, I'm going to try and do that again more clearly. It was never my intention to get anyone to like any of my characters or support them or their actions. The aim of my story was to show the development, change, and growth of Isabella, Edward, and Kai.

Isabella started this story as an apathetic, pragmatic, sadistic creature who discovers her entire existence is a lie and, after abandoning all she has ever known and leaving behind those she has loved, goes on a journey of self-discovery. Her story is about her learning to accept humanity and discover who she once was to determine who she wants to be. In the end, she finally can start doing that.

Edward started this story as a broken male. Someone who had it all and lost it, the love he once felt replaced by hatred and a need for revenge that becomes his entire being and dictates his every move. If that isn't bad enough his thought-to-be-dead mate returns only to loathe him and love another man. His journey is one of accepting that the woman he knew and loved Is gone and that he cannot allow what happened to them to make him into what he has spent so long trying not to be: a monster. In the end, Edward cared enough for this new Isabella and had enough respect for her and her love with Kai to sacrifice his own freedom to ensure their own.

Kai's started this story similarly to Edward. Madly in a love with someone who did not love him in return. Kai had spent hundreds of years playing the part of the monster he knew Aro wanted him to be. Had had no choice but to live among the Volturi, follow their rules, obey their commands and despite enjoying his diet of human blood, Kai never once enjoyed inflicting pain and yet…it was what he did best. Then Bella comes along, and he is tasked with teaching her to lower her shield – and once again he believes her to be another sad and lonely soul to become victim to Aro's games but in Bella he finds hope and he finds love and the possibility of a better life. And then he is forced to kill her, to erase the woman he too had loved from existence and birth life to…a monster. A monster who used him for his body, who cared not of his feelings or desires and that hope that had sparked with Bella was extinguished. In the end, as Isabella discovered the truth and began to love him too, Kai abandoned all that he knew to follow her away from their home and across the world, knowing that in regaining her memories she could leave him but loves her too much not to follow her to the end.

I can understand how it may seem I want people to feel sorry for my characters and I, personally, do feel sorry for them but neither of them should be applauded. Should they be forgiven for the crimes they have committed, for the countless murders and betrayals? No. But Edward was also a murderer. Almost every one of the Cullen's has murdered. This isn't a redemption story, it's not about me trying to make people like Kai or Isabella or Edward, or to try redeeming them for what they have done. As I said, this story was an idea, an experiment, a bit of fun. It's not supposed to be a work of perfect art for everyone to enjoy. I just so happen to love it.

I want to say a massive thank you to every single person who left a review on this story, whether you left a single review telling me it's shit or reviewed every single chapter. One thing that has always given me the motivation to write is wondering what others would think of the story. Thank you. Especially those who reviewed every chapter, you know you who are.

I also wonder if anyone caught the Easter egg/reference I included in Chapter 30? I would be surprised if anyone did. The Easter Egg is the mentioning of the Cane Pack. A second Shifter Pack. I'll explain what it is here. Many years ago, I wrote a story called 'Vengeance'. A story from Jacob's POV and set in a world where the final battle we see at the end of Breaking Dawn Part 2 happened. It follows Jacob and Renesmee on the run from the Volturi and it's new leader and reuniting with the survivors of the battle who have spent the years since the battle building an army to bring down the Volturi once and for all. In this story, we meet The Cane Pack lead by Brandon Cane. We meet him, his wife, his daughter and many other interesting characters. They joined Jacobs's fight against the Volturi. These characters were created for that story alone but, fascinated by those characters and their possibilities, I have used them a few times in alternate twilight stories.

So, what now?

I know, this isn't the perfect happy 'Breaking Dawn' ending some of our characters deserve and there is much still left undone and unfinished. Carmen is still out there, the news of another Shifter Pack, Edward imprisoned with the Volturi but most importantly…an uprising among the vampires.

Truth be told, I'm certain I know most of what would happen next if this story would continue. I know exactly what would happen with Edward and the Volturi and the other pack and the uprising and of course, Isabella. I have an idea for a sequel – but that's all it is. An idea.

A part of me would love to continue but I feel some time would need to pass before I do. Mostly, because I have other unfinished stories on this site I would like to complete.

One being a Harry Potter gay romance story between Harry and Draco and the other being a prequel to this story! A story I have already starred, four chapters are up, and it is called To Forget a Love Since Found. I know, I don't like the title anymore either! The story is set from Kai's POV when Aro first kidnaps Bella and we follow Kai and Bella working together to lower her shield and falling in love! I understand many readers wouldn't like a story from the perspective of an OC perspective but, if you enjoyed this and want more of my writing and this world until – and if – a sequel is written, that is where you can find me!

Thank you

Asher.

Responding to your reviews:

Traceybuie: Hello, long time no see! I agree, so sad! Thank you so much for all of your reviews on this story, they have all meant so much to me!

Sharpeyes: Thank you, I will check them out when I get the chance!

Pineapple: Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it.

Lovely Black Butterfly: Thank you for your review and your kind words defending the story, they mean a lot to me so thank you. I can't wait to see what you think of this last chapter!

~ Asher ~