Of Violet Twilight

#1 – Lost Memories

By Gokugurl A.K.A Kimie

Dark eyelids fluttered open, revealing enigmatic, beautiful orbs of radiant golden. Those luminous citrine eyes were dull, glazed as they looked out upon Togenkyo, taking in the brilliant view of the sunset as it dipped below the sky-streaked horizon. What remained of the sunlight shone through the bars, and he reached out one clawed hand, trying to grasp the rays of sunshine before they dissipated completely.

But of course, he couldn't do so, and the particles of light vanished as the sun disappeared under the horizon, engulfing him in a world of darkness as the crimson-golden sky turned to one of dark amethyst, illuminated by stars.

Goku hugged himself tightly, his golden eyes brimming with tears, as he buried his face in his folded arms. Gazing beyond the horizon, he watched as the silver moon emerged, but he turned away, shutting his citrine orbs. No, the moon wasn't the sun – no matter how bright it was, no matter how beautiful it was.

The sunlight was different...it held warmth, comforting warmth it was as it always embraced his skin with its touch. The moon was cold; it was beautiful, yes, but the silver radiance that it emitted was arctic, a bitter light that sent chills down his neck whenever night came.

Goku snuggled up to the unwelcome yet comforting coldness of the rock wall, and he sighed, his petite lips curving into a sad smile as one single tear ran down his cheek. He remembered...dark pools of perplexing amethyst, deep violet that gleamed of the lavender of a thousand sunsets, brilliant lavender that were filled with care, warmth, affection, love. Love. Love, for him. Only him. Oh, how he longed to gaze into those violet orbs again – those violet orbs that he had known and loved all his life.

And the beautiful, divine golden hair that shone uncannily like the sun. The silken strands of blonde that was so familiar, yet so distant. The sun. The russet-haired child didn't have the faintest idea when was the last time he had seen the sun. He stared blankly down at his shackled hands; the hands that had been shackled for a reason that he couldn't remember, a crime that he didn't remember.

He held a vague memory in his heart; a beautiful, shimmering memory of what he had deemed his sunlight, but even as he struggled to hold on to it, the gleaming piece of his heart began to gradually fade away, little by little as Time began to move in slow, steady steps, taking what remained of that one memory away with Her.

But then, now...he couldn't even remember whom they belonged to.

The young, golden-eyed heretic looked up at the sky, whispering his weeping woes to the moon as it, in turn, looked down upon him, bathing his soul, his heart in silver light. Another tear escaped, cascading down his pale, delicate cheek, trailing a wet path down that smooth skin. Yes, he didn't remember. But he had remembered other things. Words, for instance. A distant promise that his sun, whoever it was, had once made. A promise that he knew was eternal. The promise that had been etched forever on his heart, carved onto his soul – his only reason for living.

"Aishiteru, Goku. Wait for me, I'll come back for you..."

He remembered, vaguely, his sun whispering those silent words of promise to him, in the husky, dark voice laced with love for him, for Goku. And he had remembered those few last words that his sunshine had uttered to him, the last few words before that sunshine slipped away, forever, from his grasp.

"I swear I will. No matter how long it takes me, no matter who I will be...I will love you forever. And I will come back for you."

Goku smiled, for once, and closed his eyes, allowing the silver moonlight to embrace his being as he drifted off to beloved siesta.

Someday...

****

"Someday," Goku murmured, rolling over on his futon, and one leg landed squarely on what he supposed, unconsciously, was a pillow. "Someday..."

"BAKASARU!"

There was a loud thwack, a few muffled yells and what was, shuffling of the blankets as a steely harisen brought itself down upon Goku's unfortunate head. The said adolescent rubbed his throbbing scalp, clutching the tender spot in pain as he looked up indignantly at the person who had just created a bump on his head, and quailed as furious violet orbs locked with his own golden ones.

"You bloody idiot!" The blonde yelled at him, his eyes flashing with annoyance as he shoved Goku off him and his futon. [Futon = the Japanese mattress that they sleep on, I think] "Get the fuck off me!" Goku immediately obliged, especially when he saw the blonde's fingers tighten around the harisen again. The shorthaired youth scrambled off the futon almost instantly, a sheepish grin gracing his features as his golden eyes fixated upon his guardian's pools of amethyst.

"Gomen, gomen, [Sorry, sorry] Sanzo," he said, sweat dropping as he scratched his head absent-mindedly. The black leather-clad monk that was Sanzo glared down at him, a cold and furious look that promised immediate death, and Goku gulped as he backed away, trying to grin even as Sanzo bombarded him with a string of curses. "You can go and fucking die for all I care," he muttered, shooting Goku another Look™, before proceeding to fold his futon. The grin was automatically wiped off his childish face, to be replaced with a sulky pout.

"Mou, kechi [Meanie]," Goku mumbled, settling himself down in the wooden chair, his gaze averting to the still sleeping Gojyo that was snoring – very loudly, may he add – on the other futon on the other side of the room. Hakkai wasn't there, which probably explained the empty and already-made bed.

Goku groaned considerably as he recalled the game of poker last night – Hakkai had won the bed for the nth time in a week, after managing to get a Royal Flush last night. And as usual, Goku was the worst loser of all, managing to only have two of a kind. Gojyo had gotten a Full House, whereas Sanzo had succeeded to bag a Straight Flush. But of course, a Straight Flush was no match for the Royal Flush, which was why the three losers had ended up on the less-than-comfortable futons.

Well, it had been a few months since they had last had any problems on their journey to the west...Goku's gaze trailed over the sleeping gokiburi [cockroach] on the bed, and snorted as Gojyo emitted another rude snore. 

Sanzo ignored him, and threw the folded up futon at Gojyo, who grunted as the soft bundle connected with his face. "Oi, wake up, kappa!" the golden-haired beauty snarled. Sanzo stood up, allowing the beige robes that were his to fall disdainfully to the ground, and Goku felt his breath catch in his chest in its wake. Feeling his heart thump considerably against his chest, the teenager swallowed as he tried, and failed, to tear his eyes away from his guardian.

And for good reason - without the pale robes that usually adorned his lean, lanky form, Sanzo was hot. And he meant hot. Clad in naught but the smooth black leather top that hugged his chest like a second skin, and the more-than-ragged jeans that clung to his long – and not to mention seductive – legs, his shoulders and neck were bare, exposing the pale porcelain skin that was Sanzo's.

And of course, it didn't help that the blonde's face was just as equally perfect – having high cheekbones and features that had been most likely carved by the greatest master; piercing, beautiful orbs of dark amethyst; beautiful silken strands of gold that seemed to have been woven from sunshine and the moon's rays, with a touch of silver starlight, Sanzo was, for all he was, a Sex God.

Why am I feeling this way?

Sanzo frowned, when Goku made no whining or remark whatsoever. He whirled around, only to find the teenager looking blankly into space, at something that was beyond the window, before walking over to Goku, waving one gloved hand in front of the young adolescent several times, failing to draw the youth's attention.

Goku blinked once, twice, before turning an adorable shade of crimson, looking away, his face burning.

Ack.

He quickly scrambled off the futon, and bolted out of the door, leaving a very much confused, and perplexed, Sanzo behind him.

****

Throughout breakfast, Goku avoided Sanzo's eyes, although he did continue to bicker with Gojyo as usual, continuing their argument yesterday about what was more important in life; women or food. "How many times must I tell you, bakasaru?" Gojyo muttered exasperatingly. "Guys can't live without sex!" Goku narrowed his eyes, taking advantage of Gojyo's frustration to steal another spring roll from the kappa's plate.

Hakkai shrugged, his usual happy-go-lucky smile plastered on his beautiful face. "Yare, yare," he said cheerfully, feeding Hakuryuu a scrap of meat. "Looks like Gojyo can't survive without his wild, raging hormones, ne, Hakuryuu?" Hakkai said a matter-of-factly, and Hakuryuu kyuued in response as it munched down the food with considerable gratitude.

Gojyo, still lecturing the young urchin about how the daily activities of sex could lengthen your lifeline [A/N: Yeah riiight...] didn't even notice as Goku, as quick as lightning, snagged another croquette. "And as for – hey, aren't you listening, saru!?" Gojyo snapped, bending down to continue his meal, only to find that there wasn't, well, anything left on his plate.

And, as we had all expected and had been waiting for, the usual brawl between the monkey and the kappa broke out, drawing one too many unwanted stares towards their direction as they stood up to bicker yet again.

"Why, you bakasaru!"

"Who are you calling a bakasaru, you perverted kappa!?"

"Who else? You thieving, good-for-nothing idiot monkey!"

"Oh yeah? You're a...a horny sex-minded slut of a water monster who can't even swim!"

That was, for Gojyo, a rather stinging insult.

"Well, you are - "

A vein popped out on Sanzo's forehead, and before you could say shoureijyuu, two shots resonated through the air as the Smith and Wesson's spat once, twice, and Goku and Gojyo ducked under the table. After what seemed like 5 seconds, they re-emerged from under the table, and cringed as they saw two bullets in the wall where their heads once were but a few seconds ago. Both quailed as Sanzo stood up, and both heard the click of the trigger as the blonde aimed it at them.

"One more word, and you die."

They obliged, returning to eat what remained of their breakfast in silence. Goku couldn't help but glance at Sanzo from the corner of his eye, and sighed in relief as Sanzo's gaze was focused on somewhere else. And tried to ignore the thumping feeling in his chest.

Why am I feeling this way?

****

Goku sighed, collapsing on the bed as he shifted into a more comfortable position. Placing one hand over his face, he tried to block out the sunlight that was currently peeking through a crack in the glass window. He sighed as he placed both hands behind his head, shutting his golden orbs as he took a futile attempt at sleeping. But even as he closed his eyes, the image of Sanzo kept replaying itself in his mind, flashing at him all over and all over again.

"Why am I feeling this way?" he said aloud, his eyes fluttering open in vexation.

"Feel what?"

Goku almost fell off the bed in shock, and he gaped in disbelief as he saw Sanzo sitting beside him, mysterious and unfathomable violet locking onto Goku's dark golden. The deep orbs of amethyst were cloaked by his golden bangs, the strands of silken blonde that were Sanzo's. The blonde was still wearing the same façade that he always wore; the icy, expressionless and monotonous mask.

The cold and bitter mask that Goku longed to take away, longed to tear away. The arctic face that seemed to have frozen not unlike the icy expression that it held within it. He wished that if Sanzo, if only Sanzo could just smile at him, could just utter some words of warmth or concern for him – he would've done anything. And he, Goku, in turn, would have done anything to take away what had caused Sanzo to withdraw into his hard and bitter shell of solitude.

"I said, feel what?"

Goku was jerked back to reality, and he grinned sheepishly as Sanzo's amethyst gaze locked on his own. "Nothing," he mumbled inaudibly, twiddling his fingers in a childish motion.

The answer didn't apply to Sanzo, and his violet eyes narrowed as he looked down upon Goku. For a moment, the youth expected some harsh words, a nice thwack from the harisen, or even a shot from the infamous spirit-ascending gun; but as he was pondering over it, a gloved hand buried itself in Goku's unruly russet hair, and Sanzo ruffled the adolescent's hair, even as Goku looked up at him in shock.

"S-Sanzo?"

Sanzo didn't say anything, but there was silent melancholy in his dark eyes as he leaned closer towards Goku, his gloved hand leaving Goku's brown locks to gently caress the young teen's cheek. And Goku, yet again, felt the rapid quickening of his heartbeat in his tightening chest. He placed an unconscious hand to his heart, and closed his eyes as he felt his mind spinning in a whirl of confusion, of affection, of a deep mystery that he himself couldn't fathom.

"Don't keep your secrets bottled inside yourself, Goku," Sanzo murmured softly, his broad hand leaving Goku's bronze cheek. In that flickering instant, Goku felt a twinge of sadness and pain as he felt the warmth leaving his skin. "You'll only hurt yourself," he continued, as he stood up. "And besides, you never liked secrets."

Why am I feeling this way?

But there was no time for thinking, as Sanzo shoved his way past him, and placed one gloved hand on the door handle. The room was silent. Tranquil taciturnity resonated off the white walls, as both Sanzo and Goku remained quiet, whatever words they wanted to blurt out – hidden deep inside them. The blonde turned around, narrowing his violet eyes as his gaze fixated on Goku's golden orbs. "Goku."

Why am I feeling this way?

And it was then, then as something electrifying shot through Goku, an excruciating jolt of pain as his eyes locked on Sanzo's. A throbbing ache of loneliness engulfed his soul, and his eyes widened, developing a blank look as numerous, countless images began to flash in his mind, sharp and quick dashes, all different, yet all showing the same image of one person. He shut his eyes, trying to ignore the aching agony in his soul, trying to block out those images. But he failed, miserably, as he felt his mind reel.

Flashes of amethyst, dark lavender, golden, sunlight, sapphire...the many colours swirled in his mind, and Goku's citrine eyes fluttered open as he saw the vague image of a person.

Who...

Of a person clad in dark lavender, with long, lustrous strands of silken golden, interwoven with sunshine and starlight, the divine sun-kissed hair of blonde that shone like the sun itself. And with dark pools of violet, the enigmatic, perplexing lavender that held an unfathomable longing, an aching, and a deep yearning for love, and yet at the same time, held passionate love so profound, so sincere that it shook Goku. Those cold, arctic orbs of lavender that he had come to know so well...the heartfelt bitterness in them that Goku recognized as Sanzo's.

Who are you?

The figure turned, silken strands of gold spilling down his back, and smiled at Goku in melancholy as those beautiful, obscure orbs of amethyst shimmered with ardent sadness, his face despondent even as he looked at him. The face, Goku murmured to himself. The face. Beautifully crafted lips, the soft porcelain skin – Goku knew that face. And it was then, in that fleeting moment, where that melancholy figure spoke.

"Aishiteru, Goku."

Whose voice is it? He asked, to no one in particular. The deep, husky and reassuring voice, the musical and whispery voice laced with bitterness and zealous love, the one sound that Goku had ever recognized as the voice of his freedom, the voice of his love. The one voice that Goku had grown to know, to love. And even as the beautiful celestial turned to look at him, Goku's heart missed a beat as he recognized that one face.

Sanzo?

As though as he could hear Goku's thoughts, the angelic being shook his head.

This voice...

"No."

I know this voice from a long time ago.

A gentle breeze blew by, playing with Goku's chocolate hair as it blew it about. The youth felt his eyes brimming with gentle tears, tears of sadness, joy and regret as he tried to reach out for the mysterious celestial. For the promise that the celestial had made, Goku realized with a jolt. For the promise...the promise that he had made so long ago, the eternal promise that he had still remembered until this very day.

'You came back,' Goku murmured, allowing the hot tears of happiness to fall. 'You did came back...take me with you this time,' he whispered, streaks of wetness forming on his cheeks. 'Don't leave me alone,' he pleaded silently. 'Don't leave me again...my sun.'

 

The divine figure shook his head sadly. "I can't take you with me, Goku."

I remember, we have always been together...

Almost as instantly as it had appeared, Goku felt the warmth of joy disappear from his body, only to be replaced with a bitter coldness. "Why?" he asked sadly, and his hand reached out to stroke his love's cheek, but he couldn't reach it. "Why, Konzen?" he whispered, realizing in shock, that for the first time of his 500 years of imprisonment, he had finally recalled his sunshine's name.

From 500 years ago.

Konzen reached out in despondency, stroking one hand down Goku's tear-stained cheek.

"I can't take you with me, Goku..."

Goku felt something tugging at his soul, a strong grasp on his heart, trying to pull him back to reality; a tight grip on his being, slowly, but gradually, taking him back to where he was. "But why!?" he screamed, his voice hysterical as more tears flowed down his cheek. "I waited for an eternity for you! For you to fulfill your promise! For you to come back," he murmured sadly.

Konzen smiled, a sincere smile, and grasped Goku's hand in his tightly as, after being separated for half a century, amethyst and golden locked to become one. He leaned down, brushing his gentle lips against Goku's, ravishing it quietly before he held Goku's at arm's length, and began to fade away.

"I can't come back..."

Goku gasped, and let out a choked sob as he brushed away what remained of his tears. "Konzen!"

"Because, Goku..."

"Konzen! Don't leave!"

"Goku, I'm already here."

Goku blinked, and looked upon Konzen's dissipating form in puzzled bewilderment. "What do you mean?" he asked uncertainly, his golden eyes shimmering in trepidation. Konzen only shook his head, and Goku felt that tugging at his soul again, the silent grip on his heart that was pulling him back to reality.

The voice.

"...ku!"

Someone was calling him.

"Goku!"

In that voice, the beautiful voice that he had loved so much...

****

"Goku, wake up!"

Golden eyes fluttered open, only to meet startled amethyst in their wake. Goku sat up from the floor dazedly, and felt the throbbing pain in his being slowly draining away. "What?" he murmured, uncertain of what had happened. In fact, he was still pondering over what had happened even when the deadly harisen came down hard upon his head. Goku looked up indignantly, his eyes flashing fire as he came face-to-face with Sanzo. But all thoughts of whining were forgotten at the stricken look on his guardian's face.

"You bloody idiot," Sanzo murmured, before letting the harisen fall from his hands. "You bloody idiot," he repeated, before he stroked Goku's hair affectionately, "You scared me to death, did you know that? I thought I had lost you." Goku could do nothing, and he just sat there, drowning in Sanzo's amethyst orbs, before burying his head into Sanzo's chest, all the sorrows embedded in his soul released as he cried, shaking with quiet sobs, in his guardian's arms. And Sanzo did naught, but brought him closer to him, drawing him closer into the warm embrace. And even as Goku sobbed silently, he could just make out Sanzo's quiet whisper:

"Bakasaru."

To be Continued

****

[A/N] Hmm...yet another miracle. This was done in one day! XD Alright, me going back to school tomorrow...probably only coming online on Friday night. You can most probably check for updates on Sunday or Monday. And see you =P I'm still debating whether I should include Homura or Kougaiji. What the heck, I've got another week to think. Okay, then. Ja ne.

Lots of love,

Gokugurl

20th January 2003 – 9.45 PM