Chapter 14 – Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?

Do you want the truth or something beautiful?

Just close your eyes and make believe

(Paloma Faith – Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?)

"How long are they going to let her stand out there?" Gabby snapped, glaring across the apparatus floor at Casey and Severide, who were perched on the front bumpers of their respective rigs as far away from one another as possible. The Lieutenants were staring out onto the driveway with concerned expression, each daring the other to make the first move.

Shay followed the gaze of the two men and sighed, "She'll come in when she's ready…"

Naomi had been standing on the driveway for more than fifteen minutes, trying to talk herself into crossing the threshold of Firehouse 51. The place that had brought her joy and comfort for so many years suddenly felt dark and alien and she was scared that Andy would appear at every corner, knocking down the walls that she'd built. They'd all seen her; Gabby had even made gestures of coming out to meet her but Matt had stopped her. This was something that she had to do in her own time.

"Oh come on this is getting ridiculous now!"

"Otis! Leave her!" Casey and Severide warned him as he started towards the blonde, their voices tainted with an irritation after having directed the rest of the house away from Naomi. It had been the first thing that Matt and Kelly had agreed on since the Maple Street fire, although they hadn't actually communicated in more than monotonous grunts in weeks.

There were fourteen years of memories crammed into the building and if she was being honest, Naomi felt a bit ridiculous. She willed her feet to move but she stayed rooted in the place she'd last seen her brother at 51, as though standing in that spot would bring him back. She watched the men and women of Truck 81, Squad 3 and Ambulance 61 go about their daily routines, making a overly conscious effort to not look at the young woman who usually felt so at home there. Somewhere within the building she heard someone bang a spoon against a pot and her brother's colleagues all filed into the kitchen, reluctant to leave Naomi standing outside for much longer. When the apparatus floor was empty, Naomi found her feet moving and she slipped in through the side door that meant she didn't have to face hungry firefighters just yet. She moved through the familiar corridors with caution, knowing that there was a memory at every turn. There were photos in frames up on the walls and she knew that Andy's picture would be up on the Wall of the Fallen already, she would have to avoid that corridor. Without Andy, Naomi felt as though she was walking thorough Firehouse 51 for the first time as though his loss had changed the air of the house in a way she couldn't describe.

It was Matt who eventually found her, sat silently on the bench in front of her brother's locker. Naomi was staring at the name that he'd pasted on his locker all those years before.

"You know there is a room full of firefighters who want to squeeze the life out of you…"

He watched the corners of her mouth twitch into an almost smile, before sitting down next to her. She slipped her hand through the crook of his arm and snuggled into his shoulder, "It's my first time back. I wanted…" her voice cracked, so she paused and took a deep breath, "I wanted to do it right."

They sat in silence for a few moments and Matt couldn't help but remember the years that he, Andy and Severide spent chasing Naomi around the firehouse, trying to keep her out of trouble or more accurately, her keeping them out of trouble.

"You haven't emptied his locker?" she asked, pulling him away from his memories.

"It doesn't feel right yet."

"Call Heather when you do…" Naomi quickly brushed a tear from her cheek, "She'll want it."

He squeezed her hand as a few more tears slipped from her eyes, "You don't want anything?"

She shook her head sadly, "No, the boys should have it. I've got fourteen years of old t-shirts…" Naomi gestured towards her face as the tears over flowed and she was overcome with a wave of emotion that she hadn't felt yet, "I am so sorry… I don't know what's wrong with me?"

Burying her face, she wrapped her arms around her knees and tried to regain her composure. Apart from at the funeral, this was the first time that Naomi had allowed herself to cry and Matt didn't know what to do. He ran his hand over her back and considered going to get Severide, who always dealt with emotional Naomi a lot better than he could. Before he could decide though, Naomi sat bolt upright and brushed her tears away, sighing deeply as she did, "You idiot, Andy…"

She stood up quickly, ran her hand over her brother's locker and marched towards the centre of the house with her usual confident of owning the place.

There was a flurry of excitement as she walked into the room with Matt and she noticed Kelly slip out towards his quarters with the arrival of the rival Lieutenant.

"There she is… the brains and the beauty of the Darden family…" Hermann shouted, approaching Naomi with outstretched arms before hugging her tightly.

"Hey Christopher…"

The rest of the Squad and Truck firefighters lined up to hug Naomi before deciding to just pile in and bury her somewhere in the middle.

When she was finally released from their grasp and had caught her breath again, Naomi was grinning from ear to ear and it was as though things were normal, "Breakfast, princess?"

"Did you make it?" She retorted warily, eyeing up the dish that Hermann was piling food onto his plate from.

"Cruz did…"

"Is he calling it Dominican?"

Gabby draped her arms over Naomi's shoulders, resting her chin on her friend's shoulder, "I'd pass on breakfast if I were you…".

Naomi smiled innocently at Hermann and Cruz, shaking her head at their offer and gripping onto Gabby's arm in an attempt to give her a hug, "It's nice to be back," she murmured to her friend, who just squeezed her tighter.

"You look… annoyingly hot," Leslie wrapped her arms around Naomi when Gabby finally released her. "It's a wonder Kelly can keep his hands off you," she murmured so that only Naomi and Gabby could hear. Naomi glared at her in mock warning before striking a pose.

"Oh this old thing…" Naomi raised her shoulder and flashed an angelic smile, "Borrowed it from Gabby…"

"You little… I thought I recognised it," Gabby protested, casting her eye over the deep royal blue cowl neck sweater that her friend was wearing. She'd paired it with chunky heeled boots and some black tailored shorts, taking advantage of the last few weeks of sun before the Chicago weather turned.

The blonde shrugged, "It's been sat in back of your wardrobe for more than three years…" She flourished her hand under her chin, flicking a strand of hair over her shoulder "Besides, don't you have my red mini?"

xxx

Naomi leant against the doorframe of Kelly's office and rapped it with a flourish, "Are we fighting again?"

"I hope not…"

"You ran away pretty sharpish when I turned up."

"They've not seen you in a month; I didn't want to steal their thunder."

"And it's got nothing to do with Matt walking me into the room?"

Kelly grimaced and she rolled her eyes at the childishness of her brother's best friends, each blaming the other for his own idiocy.

Out of habit, Naomi looked over her shoulder and then let out a strained breath when she realised she didn't have to anymore. She closed the door and slumped against it, sinking down beneath the window.

"You know; I keep expecting him to walk through those doors. Fourteen years… I mean, I was what 13 years old when you guys were assigned here? There's still that chunk out of the wall outside from when you guys tried to teach me to pitch… And, do you remember when I was fifteen and I was grounded because I'd come home drunk or something and my parents had to go on that trip to Phoenix and they made me stay overnight here? And you and Matt and Andy had me running drills… K.A.M.'s Correctional Bootcamp, you called it…"
As Naomi spoke, mostly to herself, Kelly placed himself on the floor next to her, preparing to hold her through her sobs, which he suspected would come next, "You never got grounded again…"
"And that night that I snuck in here because I couldn't sleep and you had to hide me in your quarters because Andy would've given you a black eye if he found out?"
"Naomi, come on…" He draped his arm over her shoulders and she pulled herself into his side, realising that Andy would never walk these halls again.

"We lived a whole life in this house," Naomi's voice shook, but didn't break, "I guess… I never imagined my life without him here."

"He is still here though," Kelly reassured her, also trying to convince himself that the loss of his best friend wasn't going to change anything, "Andy will always be a part of this house and this family… And so will you."

"He was my big brother, Kelly…" she whispered, as he leaned his head against hers, "I don't know how to say goodbye."

She closed her eyes as she felt Kelly's lips press to her forehead hesitantly, "Me neither, Pix…"

xxxx

Something was wrong in Chicago. Naomi hated mornings like this, where every sign pointed to a long day in the ER. Her car wouldn't start and traffic had been standstill. Instead of having her usual twenty minutes to get a coffee and find all the good cases on rounds, she was five minutes late to work and Maggie was waiting for her with a panicked expression on her face. There were hundreds of people in the ER and the noise was deafening.

"I'm so sorry, Maggie!" Naomi panted as she ran into the ER, "My stupid car wouldn't start. What the hell is going on today?"

"Gas leak at City Hall, ten car pile-up on the loop, flu season, stakeout gone wrong … take your pick... Naomi I need you in Trauma 3." She had already turned away, trying to keep her ER from descending into a zoo.

"Holy crap," Naomi sighed, throwing her hair up into a quick bun and threw her bag behind the nurse's station. "Has anyone seen Dr Manning today?"

"Dr Manning is in surgery, Dr Darden…" An intern stood rooted in fear as Naomi grabbed a trauma gown and pumped some antibac onto her hands.

"Crap. Okay… Suit up, let's go." Naomi pulled back the curtain to Trauma Bay 3, which was flanked by three uniformed police officers and Alvin Olinsky, "Al…"

"Naomi…"

The cop who had been shot was sedated and Naomi recognised his face as someone from Voight's district, someone whose wife had been in the hospital a few weeks before giving birth to their son.

"Hank…" Naomi folded her arms as the Detective stood in front of her, his usual unreadable expression painted across his face, "You need to stop getting cops shot in my city."

"Your city?" The corners of Naomi's mouth twitched as his drawl hit a pitch of disbelief.

"Yes, Hank… My city." The doctor snatched the chart from the foot of the hospital bed, smirking at Detective Voight, "You think about that when it's your arm that I'm pulling a slug out of."

"You only wish, young lady…" Hank trailed off, noticing that the doctor was frowning at the patrolman's chart. She was muttering to herself, checking his stats against what was written down on the reams of paper, pacing between the bed and the monitor, "Something wrong, doc?"

Naomi checked the entry and exit wound on the officer's shoulder, the bleeding had been stopped and one of her interns had clumsily stitched him back up, which she noted would need to be redone. She couldn't explain, however, why her patient had been sedated.

It was going to be a long day.

xxx

She'd been carrying it around in her pocket all day looking for Natalie Manning, but it had been a busy day on the floor and neither doctor had much time to breathe. Naomi was getting edgy, as though the object in her pocket had been dragging her down. She eventually found Dr Manning in the resident's lounge, extracting a cereal bar from its depths.

"Nat, can you do a blood test for me?"

"Of course," Natalie pulled her head out of her locker and smiled at her colleague, surprised by her awkward and uncomfortable shifting, "Who's the patient?"

"No… I, mean, can you do a blood test for me?" Naomi reached into her pocket and pulled out the test, cradling it in her palm. It was one of the crappy dollar store pregnancy tests, but it was the only place she could go where she wouldn't be recognised by a pharmacist and have her news get back to the hospital. Dollar store pregnancy tests weren't exactly known for their huge accuracy and although the second line was tiny and faint, it was most definitely there.

"Oh crap, Naomi…" Natalie took the pregnancy test from Naomi and held it up to the light, "Uh… congratulations?"

Naomi cringed, "Ohhh, I'm really hoping that it's because it's a crappy cheap test. I can't be dealing with this right now. Can you please, just, do the blood test?"

"Okay," Nat handed the test back to her and Naomi shuddered, quickly disposing of it. They sat down on the sofa and Nat began prepping for the blood draw while Naomi held her head in her hands.

"How did this happen?"

"Uh, honey if you need a biology lesson…"

"No… I mean…"

"I know what you mean, Naomi, I'm just trying to distract you before I stick you."

"This literally could not happen at a worse time. I'm about to start my fellowship; Kelly and Matt aren't speaking… my ex-mother-in-law probably wants to sue me for calling off the wedding and I don't want Harrison in my life. It's not like I can hide his child from him."

Naomi let out a deep breath as the needle plunged into her arm.

"It's Harrison's?"

"Nat!"

"What? I mean, you called off your engagement…"

"Like two weeks ago…"

"Okay, I'm sorry. I just… I know you and Severide are close."

"Oh god, not you as well."

Natalie wrapped up the vile and placed a piece of gauze in Naomi's palm, "I'll run this up to the lab…"

While Naomi waited the few hours it took to run her blood, she found an empty exam room and tried to catch up on paper work. Unable to concentrate, she perched on the bed with her head in her hands. This couldn't be happening to her; not now. How could she bring a child into her world?

The knock on the door pulled her from her deep thoughts and Dr Manning's expression told Naomi everything she needed to know.

"So, how much do you want me to sugar coat the truth?"

Nat wheeled the ultrasound into the exam room and Naomi slumped her head back, "Shit!"

A.N.

I owe you all a massive apology. Life has just gotten in the way and this poor chapter has been sitting half-finished and feeling neglected for weeks. There were loads of little things I wanted to add, but would've sent us off on tangents far away from the place where we need to be and possibly kept me from uploading for another week while I tried to iron out all the kinks.

So, Naomi's pregnant! Who do you think the father is?

So much exciting stuff happening and I can't wait to get back into writing again. Life is finally calming down and I have so much planned for this little story of mine.

Please leave your reviews, tell me what you think!

All my love

~C.I

xxx