Author's notes: When I started writing this fic, I promised myself I wouldn't write more than 10 chapters. But when I reached the final chapter, I had still so many videos to write in order to finish the story the way I wanted to… So that's why this chapter is so freakishly long and took me forever to write and then translate. Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you will enjoy it too!

Special thanks to my amazing friends: Jackallh who helped me write this story and gave me great ideas, and CloudFactory who beta'd the entire fic in english!

Also thank you to everyone who cheered me up with nice comments, including Guest reviewers.

[Update october 14th for Biddy] It's great we both learned for the experience! I will try to remember to be nicer and more patient next time someone says something that rubs me the wrong way. Thank you and I'm glad you like the fic anyway! :D

That being said, enjoy the final chapter!

oOo

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

Chances are high some kind of social media brought you to click on this brand new livestream. Metal Bat thought it best to cast a wide net using Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Tumblr in order to gather his troops of fans. The Youtube algorithm did the rest to promote it in the trending videos.

But the fact is, the streaming started a few minutes ago and you're here now. Your presence makes the number of viewers grow some more – over ten thousands and counting. First thing you see is Zenko's face in close-up. A pink hair clip shaped like a flower holds her hair back and clears her large forehead. She's frowning and looks focused.

"Done! I managed to fasten it to the collar!"

The camera shifts away, and judging by the angle, she's now holding it at arm's length. Behind her, you can see a very ordinary living room. Metal Bat is sitting on the couch next to his bat, typing on his smartphone so quickly his thumbs almost disappear in a blur.

"Big bro, you done yet?" Zenko calls out, glancing impatiently behind her. "Everything is ready!"

Metal Bat looks up. His hair are, as usual, perfectly sculpted with a generous amount of hair gel. He smiles warmly at his sister and brandishes his phone in victory.

"I did it! I spread the information on all social medias, people should rush in now. I think you can start!"

Zenko nods and glances around with an inquisitive look in her eye.

"Where did that butterball disappear to? Ah! There you are, Tama!"

The image blurs for a second and then clears with auto-focus. You see Zenko's tiny hand reaching out to the fat white cat perched right next to the television, and you hear her huffing with effort when she lifts up the cat to her chest. She tries to aim the camera to frame them both: the little girl lifting her chin proudly, and the cat lazily waving its tail with a sleepy meow.

"I noticed that of all my brother's videos, the ones featuring Tama are the most popular. Maybe you're already familiar with my Facebook page « Tama's world » where I post some bonus videos of him! I want to give you more content about Tama to enjoy, so I had an idea…"

"A brilliant one!" Metal Bat's voice shot up off-camera. "My little sister is the smartest girl in the world! The best! The best of the best!"

The little girl's face flushes with embarrassment and she rolls her eyes.

"Heyyy stop it, big brother! I told you not to do this when I'm on live!"

"Sorry sis! Carry on, I'll keep my mouth shut. Cross my heart."

Zenko pouts and looks back at the camera, tightening her arm around the cat that was trying to get away.

"So, I was saying I had an idea. To share Tama's daily life 24/7 with you, I'm going to put an online camera-equipped collar around his neck. I'm filming with it right now."

As proof she moves her hand and the screen starts swinging back and forth. The cat's eyes follow the movement with great interest and raises a paw to try to hit the camera.

"From now on, you'll get to watch what Tama's doing at any moment, from his point of view!" Zenko beams. "I'll put the collar around his neck, you'll see."

The image flips over, and for a few seconds, everything is just shaking around. You catch sight of a fraction of ceiling, a corner of the coffee table, Metal Bat's highschool uniform, an ocean of white fur.

Then everything stabilizes to a panorama of the living room at ground level. Breathtaking view of Metal Bat's feet, as well as a chocolate bar's discarded wrapping lying around under the couch with a few dust bunnies to keep it company.

Zenko's face and shoulders appear again on screen – she dropped down on all fours to be at camera's level.

"You wouldn't know from looking at him, but Tama has a very active personal life! The front door's got a cat flap and he's free to come and go as he pleases. He defends his territory and sometimes he fights with other cats or crashes at the neighbors' houses to steal some food. I guarantee you that you won't get bored. Come on Tama, show them!"

Of course you can't see Tama's face, but the camera slumps down all of a sudden. Looks like the cat laid down on the floor. You can hear a yawn just before half the screen is invaded by white fur.

Zenko frowns in annoyance.

"No no, don't you dare napping! There are 17 thousands people watching you right now! Do something, come on!"

She tries to lift up the animal, but the legs just hang limply as the cat makes no effort to stand on its own. Defeated, the girl lets her pet sprawl back on the floor.

"Tama! You're being mean!"

Hearing distress in his sister's voice, Metal Bat gets up from the couch and walks to her – you see his feet coming closer and stop when he crouches to comfort Zenko with a pat on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, sis. Cats spend their time sleeping, people do know that. I'm sure they'll keep watchin' anyway and will still be there when Tama decides to move. I promise, okay?"

Zenko nods begrudgingly, her fists clenched on the pink dress covering her knees.

Her brother stoops down to look straight into the collar's mini-camera.

"We'll keep making videos about Tama and you'll still have « Tama's world » on Facebook, but with this livestream you get to live the exciting life of a cat. I'm counting on you not to miss a single second of it!"

He smiles brightly, and then they both disappear off camera.

There's only silence now. If you turn the volume up you'll vaguely hear muffled voices coming from another room, the low rumbling of a car passing in the street, and the peaceful and soft sound of the cat's breathing.

The number of viewers drops after a few minutes of inactivity. But there are a few thousands people always here going wild in the live chat, commenting the video with overenthusiasm, even though nothing is happening, like, at all. A fly buzzing around or Tama shifting position is enough to feel them with glee and make them flood the chat with capslock comments. Human nature can be quite strange sometimes.

Tuto #1 – How to unblock a sink? [17 minutes 32 seconds]

It's a bit uncommon for Youtube to promote the very first video of a channel that just got created. If this brand new channel called « Kuseno's little tutos for a successful adult life » has been recommended to you, it's probably because his two first subscribers are none other than Saitama and Genos, which is not nothing, considering they're now officially in the Top 10 of the world's most famous Youtubers with their growing popularity those last three months.

Anyway. At the moment this video only has a few dozens hits and 3 likes, but considering it's Genos' uncle, chances are high the channel is going to grow popular soon enough.

Wide shot framing Kuseno's upper body in his kitchen. As always, he's wearing a white lab coat and his pudding bowl cut is neat, no hair out of place. He rubs his hands together with a smile on his face.

"Hello Internet! Today I'm going to show you what you should do in case of a clogged sink."

With no further ado, the camera shifts to a close-up on his profile as he leans over a sink full to the brim with dirty water. He lifts a finger just like a teacher would.

"Sometimes, sinks become clogged. It happens. Unless it comes equipped with a garbage disposal, organic waste tends to clump together in the pipe and block the drain. Of course, you can prevent this by using a filter like this one…"

His hand appears, holding a filter made of stainless steel.

"They come in plastic or stainless steel, you can buy them in any store. It will stop most of the food waste to end up stuck in the drain."

His hand withdraws, and the camera turns to the sink to show the ditch water.

"But even if you're being very careful, your sink – or your washbasin, that goes for washbasins too – might become clogged. So when it happens, what should you do, mh?"

New camera angle. Close-up to Kuseno pretending to dial a number on his phone, looking excessively panicked.

"Call a plumber?" a voice-over narration says.

A red cross appears across the screen with the typical sound of a wrong answer in a tv quiz show.

"No need for this! You're just going to pay a lot of money for something you could very easily fix yourself!"

Now, full shot of Kuseno dramatically brandishing a bottle of some kind of chemical stuff and emptying it in the sink.

"Pour chemicals down the drain to dissolve the clog?"

Again, a red cross and the error sound indicate that's not the right answer.

"No! Those products are dangerous for the pipes in the long term and they can't unblock a drain that's too clogged up!"

Kuseno barges into the kitchen fully dressed up as a knight. His armor and helmet are made of cardboard and he wields a plunger as if it were a sword.

"Use a plunger?"

This time, instead of a red cross, an orange question mark appears while our Knight!Kuseno in the background pretends to struggle to unblock the sink in an epic fight.

"It might work, but it's not that easy to use and not always efficient!"

Normally dressed again, Kuseno perplexedly rubs his chin in front of the camera. A bunch of tiny question marks pop up all around him.

"Then what's to be done?"

Kuseno answers the voice-over's question as he puts on pink rubber gloves.

"Well it's quite simple, but you'll have to get your hands dirty! Or just put some rubber gloves to keep your fingers clean. My advise is to go seek the clog where it is. In my opinion this is the easiest and most ecologic and efficient way to fix the problem."

He crouches down, and the camera follows the movement to film the spot under the sink Kuseno is lighting up with a flashlight. He points at the pipes.

"This is where the magic happens, kids! Do you see that? That's the siphon. Most of the time, you just have to unscrew it. But before you do that, don't forget to put a bucket or some kind of bowl underneath, or you're going to spill dirty water everywhere."

A hand – probably belonging to the person holding the camera – holds out a bucket, and Kuseno puts it under the siphon. The camera moves to film in close-up the siphon being unscrewed and removed. Indeed, a downpour of dirty water spurts into the bucket along with vegetable peelings and more decayed food waste.

"And there, it's just that easy! All you have to do now is clean up the siphon and screw it back. If despite all of this your sink is still clogged, it means the clog is further inside."

Kuseno points at the pipes.

"And then you just need to disconnect it all, clean each part separately and put it back with the joints."

You watch the siphon being screwed back to its place in fast motion before Kuseno rises to his feet.

"And there you have it, look!"

Kuseno opens the tap and gives the thumbs up and the water drains into the sink normally.

Change of scene. Now Kuseno is sitting behind his desk.

"There, it was my first video, I hope you found it useful. I have been inspired by my nephew and his friend's passion to get started in the « Youtube game » too, I think that's how young people say nowadays. On my channel, I will make tutorials to perform simple tasks that any adult should know how to do but that school doesn't teach you. There will be cooking, bureaucratic red tape, plumbing or electric repairs, computing, sewing, and many other things! Feel free to ask me in the comments if you have a problem that needs solving or a question, and I will make a video to help you about it!"

He makes some kind of awkward hand wave, obviously trying to mimic a trendy way to say goodbye.

"Goodbye young net surfers!"

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

After hours of napping, Tama lifts his head up. The camera shifts and topples over when the cat raises his hind leg high and stretches his neck to… lick his testicles, flashing in the process thousands of viewers with his two tiny balls covered in white fur. His scratchy little tongue thoroughly cleans his genitals. Meanwhile the online chatroom is flooded with comments about the pet not being neutered, about violation of Tama's privacy, and an endless stream of LOL, LMAO and ROFL and other laughing emojis that give moderators a lot of work to regulate.

Totally unaware of the highly entertaining comic effect his personal hygiene routine has on thousands of idle humans online, Tama continues and moves on to the anus.

Youtubers react to Genos' love declaration to Saitama – [12 minutes 22 seconds]

Fubuki cocks an eyebrow, sitting at a table with a white background. At the bottom of the screen there is an insert with her name in capslock.

"I have no idea what I'm doing here."

There is nothing else on the table besides a laptop open in front of her. The camera frames her upper body – her arms are crossed under her huge breast whose plunging neckline catches the eye.

"It's for a challenge," a voice replies – probably the person behind the camera.

Hard to tell if it's a woman's hoarse voice, or a prepubescent boy's voice. Only those who already are familiar with the channel know it's a young daddy's boy with a chin shaped like a butt who wants to play Youtuber and uses his father's money to have influence and establish contacts.

Fubuki laughs, tosses a strand of hair behind her ear with a predatory smile on her face.

"I love challenges."

A rousing theme song starts playing and 3D letters invade the screen, spinning around to form the video's title on a multicolored background, surrounded with laughing mouths.

The music stops. There's the table again, but now it's no longer Fubuki sitting here, but an old man with bushy eyebrows and a ginger young man, both wearing a white kimono.

An insert appears below, showing the names « BANG & CHARANKO ».

"Let's begin!" the voice off camera says. "I invited you because I have a challenge for you!"

Charanko cracks his knuckles, trying to look intimidating.

"Okay then. We're ready. Who do we have to fight?"

Soft laugh from the off-camera voice.

"No, there's no fighting involved! I'm going to show you a video I made sure you haven't seen yet, and the challenge is to show no expression of surprise on your face while you're watching it!"

Bang crosses his arms, looking unimpressed.

"I accept the challenge. When you're my age, nothing surprises you anymore."

"Yeah!" Charanko chimes in proudly. "Master Bang is like SUPER OLD, you won't surprise him!"

Bang frowns and throws an annoyed glare at his student.

Master and student disappear, and now it's Metal Bat at the table. He's slowly rotating his bat resting against his shoulder. He's sitting like a bad boy and doesn't look particularly happy to be here. His name is written in the insert at the bottom of the screen.

"Don't be surprised? That's your challenge? That's why you interrupted my video editing and rushed me here?"

"Yes," the voice says in a light tone. "It was important for me to reach Youtubers before they got a chance to see the video. It was already spreading like wildfire online so I had to act quickly. For your reactions to be genuine, you know."

Metal Bat rolls his eyes and leans over, resting his elbows on the table.

"Whatever you say. I'm in."

A last guest appears after Metal Bat, but this time, it's a bit different. For once, the table, background and light are not the same. And what's most important, the young man sitting at the table is handcuffed. His long brown hair is tied up in a ponytail and he's wearing some kind of oversized gray uniform with a number sewn over the chest. He looks suspicious and sinister. The insert at the bottom of the screen shows his name: « SPEED-O'-SOUND SONIC ».

"You want me… to watch a video."

"While you try not to look surprised, yes."

Sonic narrows his eyes suspiciously.

"Why?"

"To go viral! People will definitely want to see your reaction, this will make my channel take off. I recently started my Youtube career, so I'm thinking big."

"How did a prepubescent brat such as you manage to walk into the prison and get the authorizations to talk with me in private?"

"Piece of cake, my dad is a very influent CEO and my mom is the Minister of Justice. So, you're going to watch this video, or not?"

Sonic slowly shakes his head and chuckles wryly.

"What's in for me?"

"Well I don't know. What about a better lawyer for your upcoming trial? That okay for you?"

Sonic grins like a sicko, showing all his teeth.

"Deal. Show me your video."

Sonic disappears, replaced by Fubuki who's looking down at the laptop. In the top right corner of the screen appears the replay of the video in which Genos is taking a seat at the guest table of the television studio set – you can vaguely hear the applause and cheering from the audience. You probably have already seen this video where Genos unintentionally revealed his feelings for Saitama live on tv. The video's title has been blurred to keep the element of surprise.

Fubuki has obviously never watched the video. Or else she's an amazing actress.

"Oh, I've been invited in this tv show last year."

Her smile is wiped off her face when she sees her older sister Tatsumaki on screen, sitting next to Amai Mask. She lets out a frustrated sigh.

"I hope you didn't make me come here to talk about my sister, kid."

"Oh no, don't worry, it's not about her. Keep watching."

Fubuki looks unconvinced, but dismisses it with an elegant wave of her hand.

"Fine."

Back to Bang and Charanko squinting at the laptop's screen.

"Oh, that's Genos-kun. A nice boy, very talented. I hope someday I'll get to make a video with him. I'm sure he'd be good at martial arts, and it would give the channel a lot of prestige."

Charanko bristles, clearly jealous.

"We don't need him to make videos, master!"

The video shifts to Metal Bat looking down at the laptop with a foot on the edge of the table as he tilts his chair back.

"A tv show, okay… Ah, Genos is a guest. I thought he didn't like this kind of tv crap. Heh, Saitama's not with him? Feels weird, they've been joined at the hip since Saitama crashed at Genos' place."

At this moment the tv program presenter asks Genos the reason why he accepted the invitation, and why Saitama isn't with him.

Metal Bat looks unimpressed by Genos' answer.

"« Defend his honor »? Genos I like you buddy but you're so in the wrong century… You gotta chill sometimes."

As for Sonic, he pretends to yawn as he watches the video.

"This is supposed to surprise me? I already know my rival Genos is completely obsessed by Baldy. Old news."

At Tatsumaki's snarky reply, Sonic chuckles darkly.

"Yeah, well said! I like that girl."

Follows Fubuki's reaction who only raises her eyebrows.

"Well well. So intense. I have no idea what is it Genos thinks is so extraordinary about Saitama. I'm not going to lie, I used to think he was lame, like I said in my video on the Youtubers' ranking. Even if I still don't see what Saitama brings to Genos, I have to admit their partnership works. Lately I watched a couple of their videos, it was not exceptional, but entertaining."

When the tv presenter mentions the saigenos fanfictions and fanarts, Fubuki bursts out laughing.

"I've seen some of these… fanworks. Fans sure have a lot of imagination. It's as cute as it's absurd they would make up such things."

Bang watches the video with an undecipherable look on his face. Charanko stares in shock at the first fanart and flushes bright red when the more explicit one is shown.

Metal Bat scowls.

"I'm sure that guy didn't even ask the artist's permission to show their works. Fans do make some weird stuff sometimes – I know there are some fanarts and fanfics about me too – but they ain't hurting anyone, it's just harmless fun. I can't stand tv guys who make guests uncomfortable on live just to make the audience laugh."

As for Sonic, he's cackling like a hyena.

Then the tv presenter asks Genos if there is something between Saitama and him. Here go the guests' reactions:

"How vulgar," Fubuki pinches her red lips into a thin red line. "There a so many more interesting questions he could be asking him about his travels, his technique, his collabs with other popular Youtubers… instead of sinking to Genos' fans' level!"

"I never thought about it before but they would make a cute couple…" Bang muses out loud, which makes Charanko gasp in utter shock.

"That jerk better leave my friend alone with his stupid-ass questions right the fuck now…" Metal Bat growls, tightening his grip on his bat like he's trying hard not to smash the laptop here and now.

"Oh yes, tell us, Genos…" Sonic sniggers.

When Genos loses his temper and curses at Tatsumaki, Metal Bat throws a thumb up, and Fubuki blinks, bewildered and perhaps a bit in awe.

And finally when Genos involuntarily declares his love for the whole world to hear, the guests display very different reactions.

Metal Bat whose chair was still tilted back with his foot on the table chokes with his own saliva, loses his balance and falls backwards. All you can see of him now is his foot, but it's expressive enough to show his astonishment.

Charanko winces and facepalms himself.

"Ow, that's some massive epic fail! I'm not fond of Genos but I feel for him right now, poor guy. If I were him I would change my name, get a face transplant and go hide on a desert island for the rest of my life."

Bang doesn't even bat an eyelid as he listens to Genos' declaration. He merely shrugs.

"He got carried away by the fiery passion of youth and his feelings. When I was his age, I too…"

"Please no master, I'm begging you, no more stories about all the times you got laid in your youth!"

As for Sonic…

"Finally, I got my revenge!"

The young prisoner curls his hand into a fist, grinning with obnoxious gloating. Head thrown back, roaring with laughter bordering on hysteria. There's even some kind of evil aura throbbing around him.

"Your revenge?" the voice asks.

Sonic starts rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"Ku ku ku ku…" he cackles, still looking like a hyena on crystal meth. "Saitama will reject him and Genos is finally gonna share my suffering! Oh, I can't wait!"

"How can you be so sure he will get turned down?"

"Because Saitama isn't gay!" Sonic sneers. "I studied Saitama very closely, I analyzed every word he ever wrote online. A few months ago in a forum, some guy who is absolutely not me tried to hit on him, and Saitama turned me- uh, him down, said he isn't into dudes. Genos is going to get rejected so bad ku ku ku ku ku!"

Sonic's cackling is replaced by Fubuki's stunned silence.

"Wait… so Genos is gay? What!? Since when?"

She frowns and strokes her chin thoughtfully.

"Now that I think of it, I've never noticed him taking any interest in women in his travel videos, or show anything else but boredom or annoyance about his fangirls fawning over him… But I've never seen him ogle a man either. He's a pretty boy though, he could have anyone."

She shrugs.

"After all, even popular Youtubers who make daily vlogs keep a part of themselves private. I too value my privacy and I can respect that."

An ending theme song starts playing. On the screen, there are clickable icons to follow the channel's news on social media, with a replay of the guests' most extreme reactions in the background. And you hear the prepubescent boy's voice talking over:

"Thanks for watching this video! Please push the like button, subscribe, leave a comment and share this video with your friends!"

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

Fixed to the white cat's collar, the tiny camera is filming bare feet and a chair's casters. Next to the wiggling toes, some crumbs littering the carpet – probably potato chips.

"Since y'all were pissed off 'cause last time I didn't explore every corner of the area…"

Tama meows, but Metal Bat's voice just keeps ranting without paying attention.

"… this time around Imma search every fucking blade of grass, and I don't wanna hear anyone whine 'cause I'm taking too much time. I don't mind grinding by ganking weak-ass henchmen anyway, it'll give me some advantage for when we get to the level final boss."

Another meow, louder and heartbreaking. The cat must have looked up, because now the camera's filming Metal Bat entirely. The young Youtuber is sitting at his desk, headphones covering his ears, and focused on his computer. The screen is bathing him in blueish moving light. The bedroom is dark, but judging by the ray of light filtering through the curtains, it's broad daylight outside.

"The battle system is hella rad," Metal Bat says above the sounds of swords clashing together. "The handling is great and it's so satisfying to fight enemies that actually have different fighting styles. I mean look at how aggressive this one is, he's bleeding all over but he won't let go!"

Tama meows again insistently, with obvious annoyance.

The cat's white paws patter on the carpet towards his owner. He stops at his feet and gets on his hind legs, front paws on the human's knee. And there, he meows so loudly he cannot be ignored any longer. Metal Bat glances down at Tama before shooing him away with the back of his hand.

"Stop your crap, Tama, I'm recording a Let's Play. Okay guys, I think I scavenged everything here. You'll scream in the comments like usual if I missed something. Time to head for the castle now. It's night, so if I go through the moat without making noise, I should be able to take the boss by surprise."

The cat falls back on all fours and stay still for a moment before he lets out a sullen meow.

"For those who missed part one, let me remind you the hero's some kind of secret order knight who pledged to protect the world's balance. A breach has been made between the world of the living and the world of the dead, and we have to kick the ass of everyone who takes advantage of the situation by hoarding the dead's souls to have power. Just like the lord of this castle, who's the level's boss."

While Metal Bat is talking, Tama walks around his legs, and jumps up to the desk – which is quite impressive from his point of view.

Once he's perched there, the cat stretches his neck to sniff the hand clicking on the mouse. Then, again, he meows with an accusatory tone, glaring at his owner.

"Shush, Tama," Metal Bat doesn't even grant the pet a glance. "I'm working, here. I'm trying to break into a castle full of enemies who want to kill me, so I don't have time for you right now."

The tiny camera shifts – Tama is looking at the screen. Gamers will recognize the video game Eternal Souls that just came out. You barely get time to see the hero slowly waddling through moat's dark waters in the night, trying not to make noise so the two guards on the drawbridge above won't hear him. The cat already lost interest and looks at his owner again. The glowing screen casts light and shadows on his face and slicked back hair.

"MRAAAAAW!" Tama meows right at him.

"You ate one hour ago," the high school boy replies without even looking at the cat. "And the vet said you're too fat and need to lose some weight."

"Mraw!"

"Hey, watch your tiny mouth! Sorry guys, looks like my cat wants to be part of the Let's Play. Anyway, let's continue. If we dive here, according to the blacksmith we should reach the well in the castle's courtyard. I can only hold my breath for two minutes, so it's gonna be hard. Here we go."

Water lapping sounds come from the computer, followed by muffled heartbeats and some kind of ominous and aquatic background music. Metal Bat is frowning, his hands clicking and moving on the mouse and keyboard in a frenzy.

That's when the cat steps forward, stopping right in front of the screen.

"Tama! Don't put your anus on my face, ugh! Piss off, I'm gonna drown because of you! Shoo! Get the fuck out of here!"

The cat doesn't get the fuck out of here, and instead sprawls on the keyboard with a lazy yawn.

"Arghhhh now I'm dead because of you! You happy now?"

"Mraw," the cat drawls back.

Metal Bat tries to chase him away, but Tama just grabs the hand between his two paws and playfully sinks his teeth in the skin there.

"Ow! Now you're breaking my balls, Tama!"

Two giant hands pick up the cat and throw him to the ground. Tama falls back on his paws. Then, in retaliation, decides to go tear his owner's pillow to shreds while he continues with his Let's Play.

RAP CLASH #17 – SAITAMA & GENOS [2 minutes 12 seconds]

An empty street. Tatsumaki is leaning back against a street lamp, hands buried inside her bermuda shorts' pockets. She's wearing an oversized t-shirt and her hair is hidden under a flesh-colored bathing cap. The intention here is obviously to make her look like Saitama.

Some kind of rap-like background tune starts playing. Tatsumaki rhythmically moves her head up and down with the music.

"Yeah…" she mimics Saitama's drawling voice.

The camera comes closer, and now she's staring right at you.

"Represent… Saitama's in the house, yeah… c'mon drop the beat, bro."

The rap tune gets louder when Tatsumaki starts walking towards the camera with an overly manly gait, like gangsta rap men often do:

"To get on in life, forget everythin' ya been told. Ain't no need to work your ass off, no need for talent or beauty."

Change of scenery. Tatsumaki is now sprawled on a futon, watching television and picking her nose.

"Just look at me, yeah I'm bone idle," she keeps rap singing, "but I got a fuckton of cash! I'm raking all the money in…"

New shot – she's now wearing the same pajamas Saitama owns, and draws the blanket on her body.

"… yeah, even when I'm sleepin'!"

The music sounds more like RnB now. We're in a nightclub and the camera is filming a sexy woman standing still in the middle of the dance floor, lit by spotlights. She has short blond hair, wears jeans and a t-shirt whose sleeves have been torn off. She whirls around to face the camera, and some of you might recognize Mosquito Girl, a busty Youtuber girl who deleted her channel months ago – she's obviously dressed up as Genos: her blond hair is actually a wig.

"My name is Genos and I'm a sucker," she sings, lasciviously swaying her hips.

Shirtless men wearing leather shorts appear behind her and start dancing too. Mosquito Girl caresses her chest and hips with one hell of a duckface.

"Oh yeah I'm a sucker!"

"Such a sucker!" Tatsumaki echoes, standing next to her.

Tatsumaki still mimics a manly rapper attitude, holding the mike and glaring down at the camera while Mosquito Girl starts rubbing against her like an animal on heat. Which looks quite ridiculous, given their size difference.

"Saitama-sensei is so amazing."

"Yeah I know babe."

"I wanna be his little slut more than anything."

Genos turns around and shakes her butt against Saitama's pelvis.

"Go on shake your booty!" says Saitama, slapping it.

Mosquito Girl pulls out rolls of bills and starts throwing money at Tatsumaki, like a rain of cash.

"Imma give him all my Youtube money, 'cause I'm his bitch yeah baby!"

Back to gangsta rap music. Change of scenery: instead of a nightclub, now we're in a convenience store – a Seven Eleven, to be more accurate. Tatsumaki and Mosquito Girl, still dressed up as Saitama and Genos, walk in front of the camera. Still rapping, Tatsumaki grabs a bunch of items on the shelves without even glancing at them, and throws it all in the shopping basket Mosquito Girl is carrying.

"Genos is da dumbest slut, he thinkin' the sun's shinin' in my butt ."

"Masteeer…! I love youuuuu!" the sultry Youtuber moans, batting her eyelashes like a lovesick schoolgirl.

"What a sucker!" Tatsumaki snickers, snatching the cash card from Mosquito Girl's hands. "The king of suckers!"

Yet another change of scenery. Tatsumaki is now rapping in front of a green screen and we see Mosquito Girl turning around her to take pictures, sticking her thumb up in approval.

"Now I'm a Youtube celeb, and still he can't see I'm just screwing with him!"

Tatsumaki points at her head covered with the bathing cap.

"My skull looks like a butt, not one hair left on it. Yeah my videos are crap but I'll betcha ya gonna love 'em in the end."

Tatsumaki looks down at Mosquito Girl who's crawling on all fours at her feet to shine her shoes, her back arched and ass up in the air.

"Cause Genos worships the very air I breathe…"

Green screen is gone, now Tatsumaki is getting up from the toilet and zipping up her fly like she just finished pooping. Mosquito rushes to the toilet seat to take pictures of what is inside like it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

"… even when I take a shit! Yeah, that's what it means havin' a…"

Back into the nightclub. This time it's packed, everyone is dancing around Mosquito Girl who dramatically falls on her knees in front of Tatsumaki, hugging her legs.

"… sucker! Genos is such a sucker!"

"Oh yeah I'm a sucker!" Mosquito Girl moans blissfully.

"I'm gonna pluck him raw up to his last yen!"

Mosquito Girl looks like she's about to have an orgasm.

"Saitama-sensei is so amazing, I wanna shake my booty for him for ever!"

"He's just like a whore, but he's the one paying!"

"I'm giving him all my Youtube money!"

Now it's starting to rain cash in the nightclub. High times.

"Mhhh yeah give it all to me!"

"Cause I'm his bitch, yeah baby!"

Music is fading off. The extras grab handfuls of bills and leave. Still playing their roles, Tatsumaki and Mosquito Girl get their breath back. Tatsumaki glances down at the Youtuber girl still at her feet.

She pretends to look around to make sure everyone left, then smirks and pulls down her fly.

"Wanna taste my huge cactus, Genos?"

"I would be honored to, Saitama-sensei!"

This is how the video ends, and Youtube suggests to you some other videos from this parodic series, about Metal Bat, Fubuki or King.

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

It's almost three in the morning. At this time of the night, there isn't a sound in this residential area on the outskirts of the city. A few street lamps and vending machines light up the sidewalk while the rest of the world is painted in shadows.

The views count is still pretty high and the chatroom is active even at this late hour – they might be insomniacs or perhaps fans living on the other side of the world.

Tama is strolling like a king on his lands, stopping here and there to lick his paw or sniff at something in the sidewalk. Until he suddenly freezes.

The tiny camera grows very still. If you look close enough, you'll notice in the dark a rat hop off a garbage can and start nibbling at an apple core.

You watch the cat's paw very, very slowly stretch and lower to the ground. People used to cats don't need to see it to know that Tama is flattening himself down and trying to get closer to his prey without getting noticed. Chances are high he's even wiggling his butt in excitement, ready to leap.

The rat must have felt something, because it suddenly lifts its head up and squeaks before dropping its meal and dashing off. So of course, Tama chases after it, running like hell. The camera is shaking so hard and the cat is so fast the image is all blurry and it's hard to make out exactly what's happening.

When the camera finally comes to a standstill, you get a sickening sight of the rat gutted but still alive and struggling to survive. Tama is playfully poking it with his paw and enjoys the rat's agony of a few minutes until it finally dies.

Then, the cat picks the bloodied corpse in his mouth and turns around, jogging back home. He slips through the cat flap and steps into the dark corridor. Zenko's door is half open. Tama sneaks inside the little girl's bedroom and jumps on the bed to drop the dead rat just in front of his young owner's face.

Now that should be a nice present to wake up to.

Saitama & Genos | I will love you forever [1 minute 38 seconds]

What a promising title, right?

But sorry, no dice. You barely clicked on it and a video ad starts playing. Now you have no other choice but to watch it if you want to reach the actual video.

A wild coast. Waves crashing on the rocks with ethereal violence. You see Amai Mask standing there from behind, haloed in the bright light and facing the ocean. The violin and piano music makes the scene sound wistful. It is quite obvious the colors have been edited – everything is bathing in pure light, the ocean is crystal clear and the singer/actor's white open shirt is flapping in the wind like luminescent wings. The camera is slowly rotating around the young man so everyone can admire his slender thighs and firm butt in his skin-tight jeans, his hairless chest glistening with sea water and his blue hair swishing around his handsome face whose mere sight makes millions of groupies swoon all around the world.

He's holding a yogurt cup, and the camera moves closer so the item's brand name is visible when Amai Mask brings a full spoon to his mouth he sensually opens while gazing right at you through his eyelashes. You even catch sight of his tongue taking the yogurt inside when the spoon slips past his lips. Enough to fuel the wildest fantasies of his fans.

His lips close on the spoon, and it slips out empty, moist with saliva. His eyelids drop shut in ecstasy and he throws his head back, moaning loudly as he swallows. It sounds like he's having an orgasm.

He opens his eyes burning with desire and stare intently at you, licking his lips and lifting the yogurt cup close to his handsome face to show the brand name again.

Then, to finish the ad, a close up shot of the yogurt cup on a rock – and in the background, a bit blurry, the ocean, the sky, and Amai Mask's frame taking off his shirt and diving into the water.

Phew. Either you're a fan of Amai Mask and you're probably all aroused in front of your computer. Or you can't stand seeing him everywhere anymore, in the ads, tv shows, movies, music clips and fashion shows, and watching him eat yogurt is making you sick, which is perfectly understandable. But then again, you should have just installed Adblock Plus. That's on you, buddy.

Anyway, the video ad is now over, and the actual video you intended to watch is about to start.

Black screen.

A few piano notes and the fragile complaint of a violin. This sad romantic tune sounds familiar to you. Very familiar. Sure thing is, you've heard it somewhere before. It'll come back to you, just you wait.

The screen gets clearer by the second. Saitama appears, lifting a cup of tea to his lips. He's leaning his elbows on a desk, a hint of a smile lighting up his face.

« … I won my very first subscriber: DemonCyborg. Thanks, dude. »

It's Saitama's voice alright, but filled with echoes and drowned in the music getting louder. The image is pixelated, of poor quality. Which makes sense, since it's from Saitama's channel's earlier videos.

Another excerpt follows up – this time, we see Genos facing the camera alone in his uncle's basement. Obviously this video is just going to be a mash up of badly edited video excerpts. His eyes are burning with feelings, so intense it gives you the chills.

« His name is… Saitama. »

His voice is filled with echoes too, probably to make it sound more dramatic or whatever. The music increases, and there it is! You finally remember where you've heard it before! It's Kimi no HEART, Amai Mask's hit song that kept playing in a loop on radio and television a few months ago!

Along with Amai Mask's electronically modified voice meowing his lost love, videos of Saitama and Genos follow one another, excerpts from the time before they met – there is Saitama sitting on the manga café narrow place, with his head between his hands, looking weary and downcast, then Genos looking down sadly, then Saitama watching a movie alone on his futon, then Genos in a taxi in Russia, going to the airport.

A sentence appears on top of it all, written in Comic Sans (may your soul rest in peace if you're allergic to this script typeface):

Since you camed in too my live

The music becomes livelier with the chorus of Kimi no HEART, and you see Genos opening the door to Saitama who looks wary, eyes narrowed as he lifts a limp hand as greetings. You can't hear what they're saying because Amai Mask's voice is way too loud, but Genos is respectfully bowing to Saitama and inviting him in with a bright smile.

Saitama's voice briefly overlaps the music: « Without you I'd be homeless right now ». And once again, it's filled with echoes. The person who edited this fanvid obviously enjoys those.

I thinks about you hole the time

This cute sentence written in Comic Sans appears along with a succession of short excerpts: Genos wiping the bubble-gum splattered on Saitama's face. Genos kneeling to hand a cup of tea to Saitama. Both of them sitting in their pajamas on the futon, and Saitama lifts his top to show off his abs while Genos flushes bright red and blocks the view by smashing his hand on the camera.

You're hart is a garden I dont want too step on

Excerpts from hundreds of videos Saitama and Genos filmed together this last few months keep flowing. Now it's Genos' voice rising up ardently (but still filled with echoes): « To be near him transforms my world, and everything looks brighter in his company. »

Slow-motion on Saitama and Genos sharing a look, sitting side by side. There's some kind of Instagram filter that has been added on to surround them with pink shiny stars in a heart-shape.

The lite from you're head is the miror of my love for you

Another excerpt, in which Genos is blushing hard when Saitama leans in to look above his shoulder. Then, this one scene that went viral, when Genos unintentionally declared his love for Saitama on live tv. Next, Genos smiling tenderly at Saitama enthusiastically chatting with King. Saitama's voice drowning in violin and piano notes: « Before Genos, no one ever took such an interest on me like that. »

That filling is for ever

A few last flashes: Genos who flinches and blushes when Saitama's hands brush against his to teach him how to handle the gamepad. The two young Youtubers wearing raincoats, Saitama nudging Genos playfully. The song is nearing its end – the chorus blasts with romance and hopeless love, covered with Saitama's voice saying: « I'd marry Genos, obviously. He's cool, he's nice, we get along and we already kinda live together. »

Saitama embraces Genos with one arm and brings him close to his chest, and in slow-motion it almost looks like they're going to kiss – but if you've watched the video it's from, you already know that Saitama was only preventing Genos to fall when the floor collapsed under his feet.

The music calms down while this image of the two young men in each other's arms fades to a fuchsia background. With these words, in bright red Comic Sans:

Saitama x Genos, 5eva

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

A cute alarm clock, pink and white, on a nightstand. In the morning light filtering through the curtains, it indicates around six AM.

Tama is purring softly. Two white paws are lined up close to Zenko's sleeping face. The little girl's dark hair is all tousled up, forming spikes on her head.

"Mraw."

Zenko's eyelashes flutter, but she doesn't wake up.

A paw stretches out to nudge the girl's cheek.

"Mraaaaaaaaw!"

The camera moves. Judging by the sudden close-up of Zenko's chin, it looks like Tama is licking her nose or something. The cat meows again, and gets a sleepy groan in return.

"S'not time for school yet, ya big loaf, let me sleep…"

"Mraw!" Tama meows insistently.

"Okay, alright, alright, I'll get up!"

The little girl blinks her eyes open, yawns, and rolls on her side… coming face to face with the gutted rat staring at her with glassy eyes, right in the middle of a blood puddle on the sheet.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Terrified by his owner's screech, Tama scurries out of the bedroom so fast the image goes all jerky and blurry.

A self-defense lesson with Bang and Charanko [13 minutes 36 seconds]

A street, filmed in black and white. Two sinister looking young men are leaning against a wall, face hidden in their hood's shadow. An ominous background music is playing, the kind you hear in a horror movie.

An old man appears on screen, and immediately the two thugs step forward to stand in his way.

« Hey old fart, gimme your money or we'll beat the fuck out of you. »

The old man stops, holding his hands up and stepping back.

« I don't want any problem. Let me go. »

The two young men walk to their victim threateningly, and one of them pulls out a knife. Everything happens very fast: the old man side-kicks the one with the knife in the knee, and then pushes him against the other thug. The two assailants lose their balance, and the old man runs off and disappears off camera.

Change of scenery. The street is gone, the colors are back.

We are now in what seems to be a dojo, judging by the tatamis on the ground. Mumen Rider, Bang and Charanko are standing in front of the camera.

"Welcome you all for a video a bit special," Mumen Rider smiles.

His plaster casts and bandages are gone, but his long stay at the hospital made him slimmer and he doesn't look at the top of his health. As always, he's wearing sunglasses to hide his eyes.

"Today's video is a bit special, not only because I just got out of the hospital, but also because I have two out of the ordinary guests with me: master Bang and his pupil Charanko."

Still wearing his thug clothes, Charanko pulls his hood back to let his wild ginger hair free.

"Hi everyone!" he swells his chest. "Master Bang and I run a Youtube channel dedicated to martial arts! You'll find there everything about katas, fighting practice, advice to warm up and train, discussions about the philosophy of the way of the warrior, historical anecdotes, presentations of all kinds of martial arts and self-defense tutorials!"

"While I was in the hospital I read every message of support that were sent to me, and I was surprised to know that so many of you had been mugged and, like me, couldn't defend themselves. Bang and Charanko kindly offered to teach me some self-defense moves, and I thought that it might be interesting for my subscribers to watch, even if it's quite different from what I usually do on this channel."

The old master of martial arts clears his throat, looking solemn.

"It was the least we could do for Mumen. This nice boy has been of great help to us when we created our Youtube channel. We had no idea how to make beautiful videos like his, so we contacted him to ask for advice. And even though he didn't know us at all, Mumen spent hours on Skype explaining everything and cheering us up, just like this, purely out of the goodness of his heart. If it weren't for him, our channel could never have had so many videos. Besides, he showed courage by rushing to rescue a lady from several assailants with no training in martial arts whatsoever."

Mumen blushes and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.

"I was only doing the right thing by helping someone in distress."

Bang squeezes the young Youtuber's shoulder.

"Next time you'll do the right thing without ending up in the hospital, mh?"

Shy smile from Mumen.

"I've never been much of a fighter and I don't care what happens to me, but if learning self-defense allows me to help people more efficiently, I want to try that."

"Good!" Bang rubs his hands together and looks straight at the camera. "Today, we're going to learn about self-defense basics. This video is for anyone, regardless of whether you practice martial arts or not. Because there is a world of difference between what you learn in a dojo and the reality of what happens in the street. Forget everything you learned about martial arts, because today we won't be trying to perform beautiful moves, perfect posture, or memorize series of elaborate movements. The point is to keep things simple enough for anyone watching this to be able to apply the moves we're going to show."

"Yeah!" Charanko says. "Don't bitch in the comments about how you think it should be done or whatever! If it's pure and refined martial art that you want, there are tons of videos Master Bang and I made on our channel, just go watch them! Also you can join us at our dojo, we need new students!"

"I will put the link the the description below," Mumen Rider says, looking at Bang. "So, Master Bang, tell us: what should we do when we get mugged on the street?"

"First rule, very important: observe the surroundings and analyze the situation. What is the available space? Where is the nearest exit? How many assailants, do they have weapons, what is their alleged purpose, how dangerous and/or drunk are they, how are they built? Depending of these factors, your reaction won't be the same. By the way, always be careful to avoid any dangerous situation. Too many young people just walk around with headphones and staring down at their phones, that's how you get caught off guard. Look around you, trust your gut and avoid shady people."

"Second rule!" Charanko looks overexcited, standing next to his unsmiling instructor. "Words! Words can be a defensive weapon too. You can persuade them to leave you alone by being polite and showing no fear, or use words to distract their attention and attack. Their brain will be focused on speech and it'll be easier for you to act first."

Mumen watches closely as Bang lifts a third finger.

"Third rule: run away. Now that might surprise you if you have been watching too many action movies or tv shows, but it is essential to get away. Self-defense's only purpose is to disable or undermine a hostile person just long enough to allow you to run away without getting caught up. To give some context, let's pretend Charanko is a mugger, and I'm the victim."

His student winces and steps in front of him.

"Ow, I'm gonna have my butt kicked again…"

Mumen Rider stands back to watch. Unlike on his other videos, Bang doesn't get into a fighting stance. He just stands there and talks to the camera.

"When negotiation failed and your assailant shows clear signs he intends to harm you, your objective is to neutralize him with one or two blows so you can run away. In a stressful situation out there in the street, you won't have time to think about elaborate fighting moves. Just remember there are four weak points to aim for: eyes, throat, genitals, and knees. That's all. Forget about everything else. Now, let's begin with one single unarmed mugger who is about to punch you in the face."

Charanko immediately takes a threatening stance, curling his hand into a fist.

"Keep your hands raised in order to be able to react quickly. No dangling arms!"

Indeed, Bang lifts his hands like he's trying to appease the mugger. And all of a sudden, so fast there is a slow-motion replay, Bang throws his hand forward to grab Charanko's throat, then his foot kicks him in the groin, then in the knee. The poor boy collapses on the ground.

"No need to be muscular or strong or tall to achieve that. The throat is a very sensitive part. Charanko, back on your feet, we'll show them."

The old man walks closer to the camera, and his pupil follows him. Once they're standing in the foreground, Bang puts his hand on Charanko's throat again.

"Watch closely, all you need to do is apply some pressure…"

Charanko's face turns red and he struggles to breathe.

"… and your assailant can't hurt you anymore. Better yet, if you are precise, you can grab his trachea between your fingers, just like this…"

He does a demonstration. Charanko suffocates and flails, then gasps for breath when Bang releases him at last.

"… to overpower him completely. Now, Mumen, do you feel up to try?"

"Huh… I would like to, but I don't want to hurt Charanko…"

Bang slaps his young student's back, which nearly sends him down.

"Don't worry about him, he's used to it. Charanko is tougher than he looks."

Charanko squares his shoulders proudly and puffs out his chest like a rooster at this indirect compliment.

"There's a reason that I'm master Bang's best student!"

"Mph, that'd be because you're my only student…" the old man mumbles. "Now, get in position! Charanko, you'll be the thug. Mumen, remember what we said: hands up, grab the throat, kick him in the genitals, then in the knee. Hajime!"

The two young men face each other – Charanko tries to look like a threatening mugger, while Mumen hesitantly lifts his hands. He manages to perform the same moves, more slowly though, and he keeps apologizing to Charanko for each blow, making sure he didn't hurt him.

"Throwing several blows," Bang says, "is to make sure at least one will strike home, but also to win the psychological advantage. In most cases, muggers don't expect their victims to fight back."

"So let me get this straight," Mumen rubs his chin thoughtfully, "we need to keep our hands up and strike the weak spots fast: eyes, throat, groin, or knees."

Bang nods.

"For a newbie, best to avoid throwing punches with the fists, you might just break your fingers or your wrist. My advice is to use open hands or elbows. Let's give you another example: what should you do when someone grabs you by the collar? Charanko!"

"Yes master!"

Charanko rushes to the old man and grabs his t-shirt's collar with his hands. Bang remains very calm and keeps talking to the camera:

"Let's imagine some thug grabs you by the collar to ask for money. The common mistake would be to try to wrench yourself free by pushing his hands."

Overacting on purpose, he pretends to try to push Charanko's hands off his t-shirt, to no avail.

"If your opponent is stronger than you, you won't succeed. Here is what you can do instead…"

Again, everything happens so fast that a replay in slow-motion has been added. You see Bang raising his arms and smashing Charanko's face from both sides at once with his open hands – next, he carries on with an elbow to the head, then with a good kick in the genitals.

Back to regular speed. Charanko is bent double with pain but tries very hard to keep a straight face.

"You'd be surprised how much being slapped on both ears at the same time hurts. Your mugger will let go of you immediately, especially if you throw your elbow at his temple, and, just for fun, finish him up with a good ol' kick in the family jewels. Alternately, if you feel uneasy with elbows kicks… Charanko."

The ginger boy straightens his back right away.

"Yes master!"

"You can also grab his face with your hands and push your thumbs into his eyes, like this…"

"I think I get it!" Mumen cuts him short, looking worried for Charanko.

"Very well. Then it's your turn, Mumen-kun."

When Mumen does the exercise with ease, Bang smiles contentedly at the camera.

"If you want to learn more, take a look at our channel, we have a whole series of videos about self-defense. But before this video is over, let's do one last exercise. Two muggers, this time, and one of them has a knife in his hand."

He takes a plastic knife out of his pocket and hands it to Charanko.

"In this kind of situation, your priority is to neutralize the blade, act very fast to take advantage of the element of surprise to run away. Go on, boys, attack me."

And just like the black and white scene at the beginning of the video, Charanko and Mumen walk to Bang who lifts his hands as if to beg of his life. And wham, he kicks Charanko in the knee and then shoves him against Mumen before dashing off. Of course, he disappears off camera just for a second, and he's back, not even out of breath.

"Don't try to take them all at once. Neutralize the one with the weapon, and push him against the other to slow them down while you run away. And be careful of not standing in the blade's axis."

Change of scenery. They are now outside the dojo, sitting on the wooden edge, all three of them sipping tea. A ray of sunlight is shining on them, and their cups are steaming.

"Thanks for watching this video," Mumen smiles at the camera. "I hope you will never need to use self-defense in real life, but at least now you know the basics. Anyway, I learned a lot today! I think it's important to get out of our comfort zone sometimes to try out new things, you might meet amazing people on the way. Be careful out there, and I will see you in the next video!"

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

A door.

From a cat's point of view, it looks gigantic. Seems like Tama is watching it with much interest, stretching his neck to sniff at it. He lifts a paw whose claws are out, and scratches at the door. Judging by the marks already there on the paint, this is not the first time.

The cat gets on his hind legs to scratch more energetically, tearing off tiny bits of dry paint.

"Leave me the fuck alone, Tama!"

That was Metal Bat's voice, all muffled through the door.

Tama stops scratching and falls back on all fours. He lets out a heartbreaking meow, the saddest sound you've ever heard.

"No need to cry, I won't open!"

Another imploring meow. But this time, Metal Bat doesn't even bother replying. And the door remains closed.

Tama looks up, staring at the door for a while. Then, all of a sudden, he jumps and his paws grab the door handle that drops under his weight. The door opens, Tama plops back on the ground and sneaks inside.

"TAMA!"

Metal Bat's outraged cry.

Ad this is how the world wide web gets to witness the young Youtuber sitting on the toilet with his Switch in his hands and his pants down his ankles. The poor teenager desperately tries to hide his junk with his portable console, while throwing a toilet paper roll at Tama to chase him away.

"Get the fuck out you dumb cat, I'm taking a shit!"

Curse of Madness, co-op game (King/Saitama/Metal Bat/Charanko) [27 minutes 12 seconds]

On your screen appears the main menu of the video game Curse of Madness that came out recently. The title of the game is written in stylized letters intertwined with flames. Behind the usual START, MULTIPLAYER MODE, and SETTINGS, there is a blurred image of three teenagers sitting in circle around a satanic pentagram drawn on the ground – a massive shadow with horns is starting to take shape above them.

"Is everybody here?"

That's King's voice. His face appears inside a tiny frame in the top left corner. He's wearing a headset with a mike. Answering his call, two more frames appear in the corners of the screen: one on the bottom left, the other on the top right.

"Yeah I'm here…" Metal Bat whispers. "But I can't talk too loud, my mom thinks I'm doing my homework."

"Hi guys," Saitama waves limply. "S'nice to play co-op with y'all, I finished the story mode last night."

"I finished it in five hours the day it came out," King says. "It was rather good. I might do it again in nightmare mode to find out all the other endings with each character."

The MULTIPLAYER MODE glows – looks like King is ready to click on it.

"We're just waiting for Charanko to start," Saitama glances down at his phone. "He just texted me to say he'll be online soon, he's having some trouble with his laptop and has to reboot the system."

"Okay," Metal Bat adjusts his headphones on his ears. "Meanwhile, let's remind what the game is about for those who haven't watched the Let's Plays. To sum it up, in story mode you play a high schooler who finds a book of witchcraft and decides to use it to make his daily life better, like his grades and stuff, and there are tons of possibilities depending on the choices you make and the character you chose among the three you can play. But he ends up invoking a demon, be it on purpose or not."

"And not just any demon too," Saitama says, picking his nose. "It's Tinman, a super evil and vicious demon whose main goal is to open the gates of hell and gank all living things off earth."

"Yeah," Metal Bat nods, still whispering so his mother won't hear him from the next room. "Anyway, Tinman wants to sacrifice your ass to get out of the parallel dimension and destroy the world. It's so fucking hard to get rid of him, I had to restart the story mode twice to beat that son of a bitch. There are plenty of other cool stuff in the game – seriously, go play it, it's so worth it – but the multiplayer mode focuses on this part only. We're gonna play the three high schoolers who just invoked the demon on the school's rooftop in the middle of the night, and one of us is gonna play Tinman. The player controlling the demon has to kill us all, and the others have to use the witchcraft book to draw seals at the building's cardinal points to send him back to hell."

At this moment, a new frame pops up on the bottom right corner of the screen. Inside there is Charanko and his wild ginger hair, sitting down and putting his headset on his ears.

"Sorry I'm late! My laptop crashed because of a failed OS upgrade. I hope you didn't start without me?"

"No, we were waiting for you," King says. "Now we are going to start."

"Who gets to be the demon?"

"I'm selecting random mode. The game will choose our roles."

He does click on that setting before starting the game. An ominous music starts playing as the main menu fades into darkness. The screen splits into four parts, one for each player thanks to editing. You see three teenagers sitting cross-legged around the pentagram drawn with chalk on the ground – which is glowing brighter by the second. The book of dark magic is open in the middle, and the frightening shape of the demon with horns is rising.

"Oh. Looks like I'm Tinman," Kings says in a low voice.

"Shit."

"That means we're all gonna die!"

"Keep calm guys, if we stay together and work as a team we can defeat even King! Hey! Don't leave me all alone!"

"Sorry Charanko, I ain't waiting for King to materialize, I'm outta here."

"Saitama, you fucking quitter!"

"Who took the book? Metal Bat, 'that you?"

"Yeah I got it – I'm playing Alyssa by the way."

On King's screen, the Tinman demon finishes materializing. He's almost ten feet tall and his body is just slimy white skin on bones. He has no nose, no mouth, no eyes – his face is perfectly smooth. He's holding what looks like a meat hook, dirty and sticky with blood.

"Run all you want…" King smirks. "I will kill you all."

The demon steps out of the pentagram. The way he moves is fluid, but also disarticulated and unnatural. He looks more like a bug than a human.

Of course, the three high schoolers are long gone and the demon is now alone on the rooftop. King has no way of knowing where they went, but you on the other end, you can see on your screen that Saitama – who plays the typical nerd guy with glasses – is running in the corridors along with Alyssa, the young girl with a tomboy haircut. Charanko, who plays the popular and athletic jock, is hiding in the janitor's closet.

"So, let me remind the viewers that our goal is to send Tinman back to hell by drawing four seals at the school's cardinal points," Metal Bat whispers intensely. "As long as he doesn't grab the three of us, we can do it."

"Ok," Saitama deadpans. "I think we're in the right place for the first seal. Start drawing Metal Bat, I'll keep watch."

"Roger that! I'll just need a minute."

Alyssa opens the book of witchcraft and starts drawing sigils on the refectory's wall, while the nerdy boy stands at the door to keep guard.

Meanwhile, King walks past the closet in which Charanko is hiding, and comes to a halt. He slowly turns around, stepping towards the closet.

"There's a thing you should know if you have never played Tinman in multiplayer mode." The demon reaches out to the door handle. "I can hear you breathe and sob from six feet around when you're hiding."

"Crap!"

What happens next is pretty nasty. King reaps the door open and stabs Charanko with his meat hook repeatedly, splashing blood all around. Like a lamb to the slaughter. Then, once the jock is crawling on the floor, the demon hammers his hook in the teenager's hip to heave him on his shoulder.

"One down," King announces calmly. "Two to go."

"Charanko already got snatched?!" Metal Bat hisses, still drawing the seal.

"Gimme a break, I did my best!" Charanko grumbles, jabbing at his keyboard's keys to make the « struggle » gauge go up and try to break free of the demon.

Tinman goes back to the rooftop and throws his mortally wounded victim inside the pentagram, tying him up with a chain.

"Okay, seal's done!" Metal Bat closes the book. "Moving on to the next one now!"

"Don't forget I'm still alive and you can come and release me whenever you want…" Charanko reminds them.

"Nah, too risky."

Saitama and Metal Bat run in the corridors towards their next destination and come to a grinding halt when they almost run into the demon. Saitama blinks in surprise and Metal Bat lets out a swear word, loudly.

"How the fuck did you come down there that fast if you were on the roof?!"

"I smashed the ground. Three floors of it."

"Let's run, Saitama! Quick!"

In the heat of the moment, Metal Bat forgot he was supposed to be discreet. His bedroom's door opens wide behind him, and his mother's outline appears in the door frame with clenched fists on her hips and a severe look on her face.

"Is this how you're studying for your math test and your history presentation for class tomorrow?!"

Metal Bat flinches and takes off his headset to throw a look at his mother above his shoulder.

"But mom! It's for Youtube, that's my job!"

"I don't care! We agreed that your Youtube thing would not hinder your studies! Turn that off and do your homework, you'll get to play your video games once you've finished everything!"

"I can't right now, I'm in the middle of a co-op game!"

And while mother and son yell at each other, both of them stubborn and warm-blooded, King catches Alyssa who doesn't move anymore, guts her and spills her bowels all around, then drags her on the ground with his meat hook all the way up the roof to tie her up with the jock.

"Welp I guess I'm on my own now…" Saitama picks up the book of dark magic from the ground.

Metal Bat can't be seen on his part of the screen anymore, but there are muffled shouting from his mother and him in the distance.

For a few minutes, it's just King and Saitama playing cat and mouse in the school, then a pursuit race that ends up in slaughter.

"Ah…" Saitama sighs, looking disappointed as his nerd with glasses gets butchered by the demon. "I had only one seal left to draw to win…"

"Good game," King smiles and throws him into the pentagram with the others. "But I never lose."

At this moment, Metal Bat comes back and sits down, putting his headset back on. Together, they watch as Tinman sacrifices the three teenagers and makes fire and blood rain down on earth.

"Pfff, I'm sure we'd have won if my mom didn't ruin the game for me."

"So she's letting you play after all?" Charanko asks.

"Yeah, but in return I have to wash the dishes for a whole month."

"Y'all up for a second try?"

"Yeah, let's say the first one was just a warm-up, it didn't count."

The main menu appears again and they start a new multipayer mode game. This time, when the screen splits into four parts, King is Alyssa, Saitama is the jock, Metal Bat is the nerdy boy, and…

"I AM THE ALL MIGHTY DEMON ARISEN FROM HELL TO RIP YOUR GUTS OFF AND FEED ON THEM!"

… Charanko is Tinman, cackling loudly in front of his laptop.

Metal Bat rolls his eyes and makes his nerd dash to the stairwell right away. By the time the demon materialize, King has grabbed the book and scampered off with the jock on his heels.

"Where are youuuuuuu, my little ducklings?" Charanko chuckles and leaves the rooftop to walk in the school's corridors. "I'm gonna get youuuuu…."

Crouching behind a teacher's desk in a classroom with the book of magic in her arms, Alyssa, aka King, watches as the demon walks in the corridor without seeing her.

"Don't be scaaaared…" the demon sing-songs. "Come to daddy…"

"Who's got the book?" Metal Bat asks as he makes his nerd hide behind the bleachers in the gym.

"I do," King says calmly. "I already drew two seals."

"Whoa, you're good!"

"That's just teamwork."

Charanko just spotted movement at the end of the corridor and rushes in that direction.

"Come back here little duckling! I'm not going to hurt you, oh no… I just want to cuddle you very softly WITH MY MEAT HOOK FROM HELL BWAHAHAHA!"

He's chasing after Alyssa. And Alyssa, being King, escapes easily, knocking over chairs and lockers behind her to slow the demon down.

Charanko is unaware he's being lured away from King's team mates, but the big picture is quite clear for you. Indeed, King no longer has the cursed book. He gave it to Saitama who is now drawing the third seal with Metal Bat keeping guard.

"By the way Saitama," Metal Bat says while his nerd with glasses keeps an eye on the empty corridor. "Genos ain't with you today?"

"No," Saitama makes his jock draw the last sigils on the swimming pool's wall. "He's teaching his uncle how to edit videos."

"Cool. Then I'm gonna take that rare opportunity when you both are not joined by the hip to ask you something: did you see the video?"

"What video?"

The muscular jock closed the book and starts running towards the school's last cardinal point they need to mark with a seal. Just when Charanko finally captures King and slashes his back open with his hook, enjoying himself a little too much and cackling like a lunatic.

"KWAK KWAK LITTLE DUCKLING! You really thought you could get away? Well no sir, not even the great King escapes Charanko the demon! Ha ha ha!"

Alyssa crawls on the floor in her own blood and gets stabbed a few more times before the demon heaves her on his slimy shoulder and heads back to the rooftop.

"Well you know the one," Metal Bat insists, running in the corridors next to Saitama. "The video from the live tv show in which Genos confessed that he, uh…"

"… that he's in love with me?" Saitama finishes his sentence with a blank face. "Yeah, I saw it."

Metal Bat opens his eyes wide and his nerd runs into a locker.

"What? You've watched it?!"

Saitama shrugs, looking uninterested.

"Well yeah. I'm on Twitter, and I check the notifications on my phone whenever I'm taking a shit, it keeps me occupied. And the link to that video has been sent to me at least a hundred times."

"Seriously?! And you didn't say anything? What did you think about it?"

King doesn't seem like being captured bothers him, he just frowns and jabs at his keyboard with almost supernatural speed due to a lifetime of video games training. He manages to blow up the struggle gauge and get free before Charanko even has a chance to bring him to the roof.

"Hey we're playing a game here, now is not the time to chat and gossip. Stay focused. Tinman is around."

He lost Charanko, but the demon is now heading right to the area where Saitama and Metal Bat are running.

"I can hear your cute lil' footsies running hehehe… I know where you aaaare…" Charanko gets excited when he finally catches sight of them. "OH YES, RUN! RUN AWAY, MY LITTLE DUCKLINGS!"

"Fuck!" Metal Bat snarls, focusing on the game again. "Each for himself!"

They split up, each one taking a different corridor.

"Kwak kwak kwak…!" Charanko sing-songs, following Metal Bat's nerdy teenager.

The demon quickly captures his prey and tears him apart with his bloody hook, laughing like a maniac. Meanwhile, King and Saitama reach the last part of the school and start drawing the last seal. By the time Charanko disposes of the nerd's body and comes back, it's too late. The demon is sent back to hell in a huge flash of light. The high schoolers won.

"Phewww that was close!"

"Team work is the only way to win a multiplayer game," King says, looking content.

"Hey Saitama you didn't answer about…"

Metal Bat shuts his mouth when Genos appears in Saitama's frame, bending over to give him a cup of tea.

"Here is your tea, Saitama-sensei. Oh, did you win? You really are the best! Be careful, it's hot."

Saitama slightly turns his head to look at him and take the steamy cup – for a short moment, they are so close their noses brush, and it would almost look like they're about to kiss.

"Ah, thanks Genos."

Metal Bat stares wide-eyed. Charanko blinks, gaping. King, however, doesn't bat an eyelid.

Then the moment is over – Saitama turns back to his computer, taking a sip of his hot tea. Genos sits next to him, gazing at him out of the corner of his eye with obvious adoration.

"You guys are up for another try?"

"I can't," Metal Bat winces and glances behind his shoulder. "My mom's gonna rip me another hole if I don't study for my math test and write my history presentation… Let's do this again some other time?"

"Works for me," King nods and looks right into the camera. "If you liked this video and want us to play more co-op games, please like and comment."

"And don't forget to subscribe and hit the bell to get notifications!"

They all wave goodbye.

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

Unless you've got a shameful fetish for white walls, there's nothing too exciting to see right now. It's been two hours now that Tama has been sleeping perched on top of his cat tree, facing the wall. Complete silence. No action whatsoever. And it doesn't look like he's about to wake up any time soon.

Come back later!

Geek-Conv 2018 – [16 minutes 3 seconds]

A butt. That's the first thing you see. A naked butt, with round and plump cheeks.

Ah no, forget this. Now that the camera zooms out, you realize it's actually not a butt, which would be quite inappropriate on Youtube, but a twelve or thirteen years old teenage boy's chin. The rest of his face is normal though, it's really just his huge split chin that looks exactly like a glorious naked butt.

This kid, who for practical reasons we will call Butt Face, looks at the camera smugly. The sun is very bright, and it seems like there's a crowd of people behind him. There is a babble of voices as background sound.

Anyway, Butt Face is waving a golden ticket in front of the camera.

"Here it is, my Gold Ticket for the Geek-Conv. They were all sold out, but my father used his relations to get me one. With this, I'll have a VIP access to the signing, the seats in the front row for the conferences, I get to try out the new video games as a world exclusive before they're even in the market, and most of all…"

He turns the camera. Instead of his face, it's now showing an endless line of people waiting in front of a warehouse in the distance.

"… I don't need to wait in line like all these losers who have been standing there for hours!"

He's filming himself at arm's length again, just to declare:

"Let's go for Geek-Conv 2018!"

An energetic music sounding somewhat like metal accompanies what he's filming in fast-motion as he makes his way to the warehouse: hundreds, thousands of people waiting in line. Many of them are cosplayed as video games, movies or anime's characters. The fast-motion slows down now and then to show more closely some beautifully fashioned cosplay.

Butt Face films his walk to the gigantic warehouse in which the convention takes place. He gets inside after showing his ticket. The metal music fades and the video goes back to normal speed once he's stepping into a world of colored stands, swarming crowd and fanciful decorations for as far as the eye can see.

"Here we are," he nearly shouts to be heard in the cacophony. "I'm going to start by having a look around."

The music blares again as the video speeds up. He makes his way through the crowd, filming everything he comes across with: goodies, fanarts, t-shirts, toys, outfits, mugs, and so many other things. From time to time we see his hand handing out money and getting a bag of goodies in return. He films a chubby girl cosplayed as King – she's holding a gamepad, she wears fake muscles made of cardboard and has fake scars on her face.

Butt Face explores every corner of the exhibition, sits in the front row of a very lively conference about the future of the video game industry with the RV headsets, then a cosplaying contest – the winners are dressed up as Genos and Saitama – and then heads to the area dedicated to video games where some new games can be tested before their release.

The fast-motion stops just for a short moment when Butt Face picks up the games he's interested into.

"I'm not going to play now. Way too many people and too much noise. But once I get back home I'll make a Let's Play of the demos. Okay so now my feet are starting to hurt, so it's time to get some autographs from Youtubers. After all, that's the reason I came here in the first place."

Fast-motion again. He walks across the whole warehouse to reach a clear space away from the stands. There, tables are lined up close to the wall and Youtubers are sitting behind them, busy signing and talking with their fans. In front of them, lots of people are waiting in line, many of them for King, Tatsumaki, Amai Mask, Metal Bat, Saitama and Genos.

Close-up on Butt Face's face who brandishes again his golden ticket.

"Thanks to this, no waiting in line for me! They're only thirty of us who could afford buying that VIP pass, so worst case I'll have to wait a few minutes, instead of two or three hours like the poor. So I'll make the most of it and get an autograph for each one of them! Well, I mean just the popular ones, I'm not going to lose my time over these nobodies…"

He gestures at the tables where almost no one is waiting in line – you barely have the time to recognize some Youtubers like Atomic Samouraï, Jet Nice Guy, Bang and Charanko, then the metal music starts again and Butt Face cuts in line while everyone glares at him enviously or angrily. This way, he gets directly to Amai Mask, gets an autograph and a selfie with the handsome actor/singer/model/etc. He walks away from the young girls' idol and carries on with King, the world's most famous gamer. This time, two other VIP are already in front of him, but he doesn't have to wait that long to reach the Youtuber, and he gets an autograph and even a doodle of an anime girl by King himself.

Then it's Fubuki, Tatsumaki, Mumen Rider and Metal Bat's turn. He jokes around with the latter, and they make plans to make more videos together in the future.

"I kept my favorites for the end," Butt Face looks down at the camera, "I'm a fan of Genos and Saitama, they even inspired me to start my own Youtube channel. I've been wanting to meet them in real life for a long time. You probably guessed that already if you've seen my video of Youtubers reacting to Genos' blunder live on tv, but I love them. Their videos are so cool."

But this time, when he walks to the VIP line, several holders of a gold ticket are waiting already to meet the two Youtubers. Butt Face scowls.

"Pfff they're too popular now that they're celebs. I hope they'll hurry, I don't want to wait for too long."

Turns out the five girls waiting in front of him are in the same group, and when their turn comes they all rush giggling to Genos and Saitama. Two of them take selfies with a bored looking Saitama who makes a V with his fingers for the picture. The three others lean towards Genos and ask him giggling, a smile of complicity on their face:

"Hey, Genos-kun, when are you going to confess your love to Saitama? We're all waiting for it!"

Genos glances sharply at Saitama, who fortunately doesn't seem like he heard any of this since he's too busy signing the two groupies' diaries. Then he stares icily at the three girls, with eyes cold enough to freeze an active volcano.

"That's none of your business. If I ever decide to tell him, that would be between Saitama-sensei and I, and I certainly won't do it in front of a camera."

The girls apologize, probably realizing they went too far. Once they're gone, Butt Face steps forward.

"Hi Genos, hi Saitama. I'm your biggest fan!"

"Thanks," Saitama mechanically takes the sheet of paper he has to sign.

"Hey, nice t-shirt, Saitama!" Butt Face says, pointing the camera to him.

Saitama raises his eyebrows and looks down at his t-shirt. It's black with white capital letters: I NEED NEW HATERS. THE OLD ONES ARE STARTING TO LIKE ME.

"Oh, this? Yeah, some former hater sent it to me as an apology."

"Can you draw Spike for me?"

Saitama nods and focuses on his drawing while Butt Face turns to Genos.

"Hey, I know you keep getting asked this, but I loved your travel channel and I was wondering if you'd ever make travel vlogs again some day…"

Genos gives one if his rare smiles.

"I will, actually. I talked about it with Saitama-sensei, and he agreed to travel the world with me. We might even travel sometimes with Mumen Rider for his humanitarian aid project."

"Oh, cool!"

Saitama finishes his drawing and hands it to Genos to sign too. Butt Face bids them goodbye and walks away, heading for the warehouse's exit. Once he's outside and it's quieter, Butt Face films himself at arm's length again.

"So! This convention was pretty cool, even if there was too much noise and no aircon. The conferences were poorly organized and it lacked guests of prestige. Anyway, I saw a lot of super rad cosplays, I bought tons of goodies and I got to meet all the Youtubers I wanted to meet so I'm happy! Don't forget to like the video and subscribe, see you in the next video!"

TAMA ON LIVE – 24/7 lolcat! [[LIVE]]

Since it's started two weeks ago, this livestream's view count never went down. On the contrary, there are more and more viewers every day. Of course it varies depending of what time it is, but even in the darkest hour of the night, or in the afternoon when all Tama does is napping for hours, there are always at least a thousand people watching.

When you join the live, it's eight o'clock in the evening in Japan, and there are around seven thousands fans online and a lot of animation in the chatroom. There isn't much happening though: judging by the camera's angle, the piece of living room and the paw you can see, Tama is napping on the couch.

Everything is quiet. The soft purring sound accompanies the sleeping cat's breathing. There is a faint noise in the distance – dishes being put back in the cupboards in the kitchen, muffled voices coming from the radio.

After a few minutes of this, the noises die down… and suddenly the blaring howl of a vacuum cleaner explodes. It's so sudden it sounds like a jet engine at full bast – especially if you turned the volume up to fully enjoy the cat's purring.

Tama jumps with a terrified meow and scurries out of the living room, running like hell between Metal Bat's mother's legs as she vacuums, and rushes into the entrance door's cat flap.

Once he's out there in the tiny garden overlooking the quiet street, Tama shakes himself vigorously and starts to lick his fur thoroughly. He stretches and then strolls toward the sidewalk. It's summer, so it's still day time, but the sun is starting to go down and shadows are slowly stretching out.

Tama hops on the low wall and walks up there like some kind of lord inspecting his lands. And it had to happen – around thirty feet away, he stops short when he sees a young ginger cat walking in his direction.

They stare at each other for a long time – the ginger cat bristles and hisses, but takes a step back that gives away his lack of confidence.

Tama lets out a long threatening meow that makes his rival take a few more steps back. Both of them are meowing and hissing now. It keeps going for at least ten minutes while the sunset falls and the live chatroom takes an avid interest in the upcoming cat fight.

Slowly, very slowly, Tama moves closer until the two cats are almost nose to nose hissing at each other.

And then, all of a sudden, Tama gives one sweep of his paw with all claws out, and the ginger cat retaliates immediately, ears flattened back. Like in a boxing match, they get on their hind legs and claw at each other, meowing loudly and hissing.

In the end Tama wins by default – the ginger cat flees tail between the legs. Once again, Tama grooms himself for a few minutes, then stays perched on the low wall for a few dozens minutes, just watching people walking by.

Many of them are dressed in nice colored yukata and hold a fan in their hand. When Tama finally decides to get down from his wall, it's half nine and the night paints the city in shades of blue and gray.

He patters along for a while, getting further away from home. It seems like he's following the people dressed in yukata, and you get why when he reaches the park that hosts a summer festival. There are stands lining up on the grass between the trees, and almost all of them are selling food. Weaving among the strolling crowd, the cat looks up to stare intently at the punnets of takoyaki, okonomiyaki, yakisoba or dorayaki that are being traded for 1000¥ notes.

He walks to a huge plastic container on the bare ground around which many children and one single bald man are crouching. Tama sneaks up at this man's side and gets on his hind legs to take a look at what's inside. It's full of water, and there are plenty of goldfish swimming in circle. Someone in the chatroom explains it's a game in Japan where you need to catch as many goldfish as you can with just a dip net made of very thin paper that usually breaks very quickly.

Holding on to the edge with just a paw, the cat uses his other paw to plunge it into the water to try and catch a goldfish too. Without much success.

"You struggling, buddy?"

Tama turns his head, and the tiny camera hidden in his collar films a young bald man's face staring at the cat blankly. The live chatroom explodes with overexcited comments when people recognize Saitama.

"Mraw," the cat meows back impatiently and pokes at the water's surface some more,mocked by the fish.

"Yeah, I suck at this game too."

Indeed, Saitama plunges his paper dip net into the water and catches a wriggling goldfish, and when he lifts it, the thin paper breaks under the fish's weight and it escapes right away.

"Ah…" Saitama sighs, discouraged. "It's the fifth one I break and I still ain't caught any…"

The cat falls back on all fours and sniffs at Saitama's wet hand. Saitama's face brightens with a rare soft smile when Tama seems to like him and shows it by rubbing his head against his fingers, demanding to be petted.

"Hey, you're kinda cool for a cat. I usually make y'all guys run away."

The cat purrs and rubs against Saitama's knee – who by the way is dressed in a navy blue yukata with white printed patterns.

"Saitama-sensei," says a voice behind them. "I bought you takoyaki and dango."

"Oh, thanks Genos."

Saitama removes his hand from Tama's white fur after a last caress and then gets on his feet, which makes him suddenly look like a giant from the cat's point of view. The number of viewers watching the livestream is blowing up – the word's been spread through social media, most likely – and the live chatroom is cheering up at Genos' appearance, to say the least. It's all capslock and emoticons flashing up at high speed.

Tama lets out an imploring meow, and Saitama crouches back down, holding a takoyaki ball in his hand.

"Here, grab a bite, buddy. Bad fishermen gotta stick together."

The mini camera focuses on the octopus ball the cat devours with great appetite. When he looks up after eating it all, Saitama and Genos are walking away side by side. To the delight of the twenty thousand fans watching the livestream, Tama decides to catch up with them, following them like a shadow without them noticing.

"There's a bench over there, c'mon let's go sit, it'll be easier to eat."

"Excellent idea, sensei."

"You okay, Genos? You look kinda down today."

"You are very observant, Saitama-sensei. I am indeed preoccupied. There is something that I have to talk to you about."

"Go ahead then."

"It is not something easy to say, and to be completely honest Saitama-sensei, I find it very difficult to broach the subject. I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this, but for the sake of honesty and because I respect you, I need to do it."

"… Ok."

The two Youtubers sit on the bench, away from the festival and its crowd.

Tama moves stealthily, a shadow among the shadows, walking around the bench until he's behind their back. Getting up on his hind legs, the cat reaches the bench and stretches his neck to sniff at the takoyaki punnet Saitama has put down next to him. None of them seems to notice the cat leering at their food – they're sharing a look, intense and hard for Genos, somewhat worried for Saitama.

"Saitama-sensei…" Genos murmurs with so much fervor and emotion in his voice it sounds like he's out of breath.

Since Genos falls silent, just staring at him like he's trying to read right into his soul through his eyes, Saitama blinks in confusion.

"Uh… yeah?"

Purring, Tama licks a takoyaki ball. Genos opens his mouth and starts talking without a break and without blinking a single time, his back stiff as he stares right into Saitama's eyes:

"The day you came to my rescue against Mosquito Girl, her heinous words had undermined me to the point I was about to delete my Youtube account and lose my will to live. You saved me, and I felt gratitude and admiration for you. Certainly you are aware this moment changed my whole life. In the beginning, I was only intrigued, I wanted to know more about my savior and the secret of your talent for scathing repartee. Your videos were a revelation for me. Watching you create videos with no care of what people might think of them, without submitting to your subscribers' demands or fearing their criticism made me realize what I had lost sight of over the years. I remembered how excited I was at fifteen years old when I created my travel channel and left home to seek adventure around the world. And I became aware how the passion of my early work progressively left me without me realizing it, because I was focusing too hard on my view count, my number of subscribers and likes and comments. Creating videos, traveling, everything I used to love when I first started had become a burden, a chore, because I was doing it only to please the viewers, without ever stopping to wonder if that was still what I wanted to do. I had become prisoner of a predetermined pattern, victim of my own growing popularity, and I no longer drew any joy or pride of my work. Saitama-sensei, you opened my eyes and gave me the strength to get out of the cycle I was trapped in. I took an avid interest on your way of thinking and understanding the world, and the more I analyzed your philosophy of life, the more I felt attracted to you and realized you were the missing piece of my soul. You were holding the meaning of my life in your hands but I could only admire you from afar and devote myself to your study. You were all I could think of, every minute of the day and night, sensei. I had never yearned to meet someone so ardently and I was desperate to think you didn't even know I existed, but I didn't have the courage to reach out to you and I didn't want to be a bother with my growing obsession for you. But when I learned that you were in trouble and homeless, I saw the opportunity to get close to you while being actually helpful to you. I thought that if I had the possibility to study you closely on a daily basis, my fascination for you would finally be satisfied and die on its own. I was wrong. Because what used to be just gratitude and admiration evolved at your contact into something else, something stronger I had never felt before. It took me some time to understand what it really was. I was no longer blinded by admiration, I was discovering your personality in all its dimensions, I got to truly know you for what you are and not the idealized version of you I had made up in my mind when I used to watch your videos, so the true nature of my feelings for you became obvious to me. I will never tire of waking up every morning next to you and looking at your sleeping face. Every single one of your smiles dazzle me and I have never been happier than I am when we are together. I am in love with you, Saitama-sensei, I love you more than anything in the world and I can't hide it from you anymore."

It doesn't seem like Genos paused for breath even once, but he finishes his speech with the same intensity, his green eyes burning with determination, almost aggressively so.

Tama is currently chewing the warm octopus bits from the gutted takoyaki ball. The camera angle is such that you can only partially see the two Youtubers' faces in the corner of your screen. Saitama's is perfectly blank, showing no emotion at all. In the live chatroom, people are losing their collective shit with lots of exclamation marks and overexcited comments in capital letters.

"… Ah," Saitama says flatly.

"You deserve to know," Genos adds quickly, "and I'd understand if it makes you uncomfortable and you'd prefer we terminate our partnership and stop living together."

The camera slightly trembles because of the cat energetically chewing his octopus bit, when Saitama lets out a sigh.

"You freaked me out, I though you were gonna announce me something really bad."

The cat swiftly moves his head back when Saitama's hand appears and picks up a takoyaki ball.

"Don't worry, dude," Saitama bites into the ball, "I've known for weeks and I'm not gonna run off just for this."

"You… you knew? … But how?"

Saitama shrugs and holds out another takoyaki ball to Genos.

"I saw the video. The one where you're on tv and stuff. Here, eat while it's still warm."

Genos blushes and looks away in deep shame. Still, he accepts Saitama's takoyaki and reluctantly bites into the ball.

"I had done everything I could so you wouldn't see it…"

"Yeah, I kinda noticed you tried a little too hard to keep me away from the Youtube trending videos. But my subscribers sent me the link on Twitter, and you can't exactly supervise what I'm watching on my phone when I'm in the toilets…"

Genos swallows his takoyaki and lowers his head, looking more and more mortified.

"I am sorry, Saitama-sensei."

Saitama raises his eyebrows and glances at him.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I didn't want to bother you with my feelings. I know you're not attracted to men and that's why I didn't tell you sooner. After I involuntarily confessed my feelings in this tv show, I was ashamed and tried to hide it from you, but then I thought it would be better if I told you directly than you finding out through a Youtube video."

Saitama scratches his cheek and looks away.

"Uh Genos…"

Genos looks up sharply and cuts him short, raising his voice with an ardor bordering on desperation:

"Know that I don't expect anything from you, sensei! Living with you and making videos with you is more than enough to make me happy, I am not so pretentious as to ask for more! I am perfectly aware my feelings are unrequited and I can live with it! If you agree to keep living with me, I promise I won't be a bother and I will never mention it ever again!"

Saitama's face shows concern when he puts his hand on Genos' shoulder, pressing it gently as if to reassure him.

"Hey, calm down, Genos. I'm not going anywhere. Like I said, I saw that video weeks ago and I don't mind, I swear."

"Really?"

"Yeah don't fret it. Here, have a dango. They're really good."

There are no more takoyaki in the plastic punnet, but Tama uses his paw to drag it to him and make it fall on the ground. As a result, to all viewers' great frustration, the camera is no longer directed at the two Youtubers, and instead it only shows dirt, a few clumps of grass and the punnet the cat is licking thoroughly.

For a moment, no one is talking, but the silence feels electric.

"You got one thing right, Genos," Saitama's calm voice rises after a while. "I ain't attracted to men."

"I am aware of that fact, Saitama-sensei."

Tama resumes licking the punnet clean and stretches, judging by the front paws whose claws goes out of a second before retracting back inside.

"But I've never been attracted to women either. In fact, I've never been attracted by anyone, male or female, and I've never been in love. I dunno, I never quite understood what all that fuss was about."

The cat hops up swiftly on the bench back, gifting the thirty thousand grateful viewers with a clear shot of the two men. None of them pays any attention to the cat: Saitama is chewing his dango thoughtfully while staring into the void, and Genos, his upper body turned towards his sensei, is staring at him with more intensity than ever before. He stays silent, careful not to interrupt Saitama's train of thought.

"I've always thought that this whole being in a relationship stuff, it's for others, not for me. It sounded boring to me, I just didn't see the point bothering. But these last few months spent with you at your uncle's house, there have been times when I thought… I dunno…"

Saitama looks down at his stick now stripped from all the dango balls that were speared there. He frowns, hesitation and confusion troubling his black eyes.

"… I thought that maybe with you, it could be kinda nice. Maybe."

Saitama averts his eyes and rubs his neck in embarrassment.

"I dunno what I'm feeling, in fact. I've been avoiding thinking about it until now. All I know is that I feel great with you and I'd like us to stay together, one way or another."

Tama settles comfortably on the bench back – he draws his front paws under his body and wraps himself with his fluffy tail.

"Saitama-sensei. Look at me."

At the serious tone in his voice, Saitama looks up and flinches when Genos brushes his cheek with his fingertips.

"May I kiss you?"

Saitama holds his breath and hesitates for a second before he nods. Genos is clearly nervous when he slowly moves his head closer and brings his lips against Saitama's. It only lasts for three seconds – three seconds of the chatroom exploding with joy. Genos breaks the kiss and opens his eyes with a hesitant smile, bringing their foreheads together. Saitama swallows and lets his stick slip from his fingers and fall on the ground. He slides his hands through Genos' blond hair and brings him closer to lock their lips again. The kiss is still tentative, but deeper and more passionate. When Genos parts his mouth to let Saitama's wet tongue slip inside, Tama gets back on his paws and jumps from the bench, letting the new couple behind him to go back begging for food from the other people strolling about near the stands.

Live from my new (former) apartment [[LIVE]]

Bright light saturates the screen. Auto-focus adjusts it slowly, and Saitama's blank face appears – his bald head is reflecting the sunshine like a mirror.

"Ah. Looks like the connection is working at last."

He zooms out and the camera moves further away when he holds the camera at arm's length to film himself. Judging by the lowest quality and the vertical rectangle shape of the screen, he's most likely recording with his cell phone.

Behind him, you can see he's in an apartment with blank white walls, ad there is no furniture, but it's cluttered with piles of cardboard boxes of different sizes. If you are very observant, you'll notice that this place, with its tiny kitchen and balcony, is the apartment where Saitama used to live before he was evicted and had to go live with Genos. Although you don't really need to be observant, it wasn't that hard to guess with the livestream's title.

Saitama is wearing bermuda shorts and a casual t-shirt. He waves limply as greetings.

"Hi guys. So, I mentioned it on Twitter a few days ago, Genos and I have been talking about buying an apartment together. His uncle Kuseno is nice and all, but we can't stay at his place forever, so when I saw that my former landlady was selling her apartment cheap 'cause she couldn't find a new tenant after I left… We thought that was a great opportunity."

He lifts his other hand to show off a key, a faint smile grazing his lips and lighting up his eyes.

"So there, it's official. We're owners now, Genos and I, and we're moving in today."

His face disappears off camera, and like he did in one of his very first videos, he slowly turns around to film the apartment. There is no longer any trace of the hateful words that had been written on the walls months earlier. The apartment has been totally renovated.

"Feels weird coming back here after all this time," Saitama walks to the balcony. "So many things have changed in my life since the last time I was there…"

The camera shifts when he bends over to pick up something from an open box, then strides over an obstacle to reach the balcony. Outside the sun is shining bright and we can hear the crickets singing the end of summer and rainy season.

The camera adjusts to the change of brightness and shows the residential neighborhood. Saitama leans his elbows on the edge and directs the camera to the ground. Two or three floors down, in the street, a moving van is parked and we can see from above Genos talking with the movers and signing some papers.

"Now I'm a professional Youtuber, I got plenty of projects for the future, I made a lot of friends, and I've been somewhat dating Genos for like a week or so. Well you probably already knew that, because of Metal Bat's cat. I'll beware of random friendly cats from now on. But I guess it saved us the trouble of having to make some kind of official statement or whatever."

The camera turns around to film Saitama's face in low-angle shot. Knowing that they have been filmed against their knowledge a week ago doesn't seem to bother him that much. He stares down at his phone, and the movements of his eyes indicate he's reading the live chatroom's messages.

"Thanks for the congrats, guys. No we ain't gonna get married. How are things between us now? Well…"

Saitama merely shrugs.

"Contrary to what I feared, it didn't change much to our relationship. We just keep on like we used to, apart from a few details. So yeah, it's pretty cool."

He interrupts his questions & answers session and points the camera at the balcony's floor.

"It's not just me coming back in this apartment. Look, Spike's there too, back at its rightful place."

Indeed, Saitama's hand appears, holding the tiny potted cactus to put it down where it used to be.

"I feel like I finally found mine, too."

Saitama leans back on the balcony's edge and films himself again, silhouetted against the sun.

"Okay I have some time left before I start unpacking so I'll take this opportunity to tell y'all about the next videos we're preparing. I'm organizing with Metal Bat and King a Live Action FPS with a dozen other gamers. We'll form two teams and we will fight each other in a vacant lot, each one of us with a headband camera. Also we plan to go with Mumen Rider on his first humanitarian aid trip overseas. And lots of other stuff, you'll see, more in store for you."

Saitama stops talking and looks up – Genos' face appears on screen, just to drop a soft kiss on Saitama's lips. It only lasts for two seconds, but with the sun bathing them in golden light, it composes a pretty picture.

"Oh, are you on live?" Genos glances at the phone.

"Yeah, but I'm almost done."

"I will start unpacking while waiting for you."

"Okay, I'll be here in a sec."

Their interaction was natural, not awkward at all. Except for the kiss, they do behave around each other like they always used to.

Genos disappears off camera, and Saitama waves at you, looking relaxed and happy.

"I'll leave you now, we have tons of boxes to unpack, and then we'll head out to go round the sales. We'll see y'all soon in the next video. See ya, guys!"

The livestream ends, leaving you in front of a black screen.

Youtube is already signaling you some new videos from the channels you subscribed to. There will always be more videos to watch, more clickbait titles, more lolcats, more livestreams, more Let's Plays, more Top 10 and trending videos.

Whether it's online or out there in the real world, life goes on, unpredictable and constantly renewed. And it's so beautiful in its diversity.

THE END

[Author's notes: This story is now over! If you enjoyed it, please like the video and subscribe... ah no, sorry: please write a review and fav the fic! :D]