QoH: Okie dokie, here's the last chap 4 this fic! *backs away nervously from angry reviewers* eh.... O_O I said there's gonna be a sequel, didn't I? *thinks a while* I think I'm gonna call it Enduring Love... Look 4 it soon! ^_^
Chapter 7: My Heart, I Sacrifice
Over the following week, Kiley fell into a depression that almost made his parents regret their decision. Of course, Ryou convinced them that the Academy would straighten him out. He went to his old school like always while his records were in the process of being transferred, doing his best to keep this fact out of the "rumor mill." He didn't really feel fielding questions about the subject, and knowing Sae, she'd tell the whole blasted place what was really going on if she ever found out. That was something he certainly didn't need right now.
For the moment, though, his secret was safe, which he was glad for. He spent as little time at home as possible, usually preferring to wander around downtown, or other things of that nature. When he did have to be there, he used the excuse that he was "packing" so he didn't have to see them much. He suspected his mother had something to do with his solitude; perhaps she had told the others to leave him alone. She did seem somewhat more sympathetic his father and, naturally, Ryou. When he inadvertently passed her in the hallway or something, she had a gentle cast to her gaze, but she always turned away guiltily away before he could be for certain, much less talk to her. Still, he thought it comforting that she wasn't entirely oblivious to it all.
Kiley supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised by this turn of events, really. Whenever his brother was involved, things usually had a way of going sour, real quick. He just wished his parents could've listened to him, as well. What he might've said had they been willing, he didn't know, but it would've been nice to have the opportunity.
On Sunday, the last day he'd have to himself, he chose to spend the majority of it reading in the park. It was a pretty day, all sunshine and blue skies, with just a slight, cooling breeze. Stretched out on a bench as dusk approached, he was vaguely amused at the thought of the weather trying to cheer him up. He looked back at the page he was reading, something he'd checked out at the library before his card would be cancelled. It was a book of poetry, a favorite hobby of his that he'd picked up recently, and one that he'd never shared with anyone, wary of their reaction.
~Even the setting sun that sinks like it was burning out,
is alone,
is unable to embrace
the earth or the deep seas.~
The one he read now was actually rather close to his situation at the moment. By San Juan de la Cruz, a.k.a. St. John of the Cross, it told of a man who forfeited his own happiness so that the woman he loved might know joy. (A/N: Actually, I don't know if this is true, seeing as how I couldn't find the whole poem, just this line. Therefore, this is only my interpretation, so please don't fry me! lol By the way, if anyone does know this one, could you please tell me where to find it? ^_^ Thanks) One line in particular stood out from the rest to him. It read, "Beloved, all that is harsh and difficult I want for myself, and all that is gentle and sweet for thee."
Closing the book for a moment, he laid it on his chest while he stared up at the sky. Wistfully, Kiley wondered what Momo was doing right then, and a faintly bitter smile crossed his lips. What else would she be doing? With Toji out of the hospital… He groaned and shook his head, muttering under his breath as he sat up.
Digging around in his bag, he finally found his notebook and a pencil. He thought for a moment, then nodded as he wrote his poem for Momo. Not knowing if he'd ever see her again gave him the courage to tell her how he felt. I just can't leave her without her knowing, and that's all there is to it.
Sacrifice
You love him,
even through his naiveté.
To brighten your world,
I bring you together.
Your happiness is mine.
And that is why,
my heart, I sacrifice.
Once he was done, he looked it over before standing up. Walking toward her house, a resentful part of him wondered why he put himself through this mess. Surely, it'd be better if it weren't like this. Life wouldn't be so hurtful if he didn't have this intense, flaming desire to take her in his arms and never let her go. Right?
~Though it's been sleeping
at the bottom of my heart,
the red, painful passion
takes me by surprise.~
Cursing himself for a baka, he discarded that idea as soon as it came into his head. I'd rather feel this way than nothing at all. I've already had enough of that, before I met Momo. She's why I get up in the morning, and she always will be, no matter how far apart we are, or whoever she's with.
Thinking of that, he was still of the opinion that Toji was extraordinarily thick-headed to ever doubt her. As much as it hurt him, Kiley knew at a glance how much she loved the guy. It was obvious in every laugh, in every tear she cried. Why couldn't he see that? On that note, why couldn't she see what she meant to him?
~Whenever I see your tears,
I can't stand it.
It makes me want to
hold you close from behind.~
Standing in front of her house, he had a sudden bout of nerves. What the heck am I going to say? "Hey, I just thought I'd let you know that I'm transferring to a military school. By the way, I love you." Oh, yeah, sure. Good one. Gritting his teeth, he rang the doorbell and waited. When she answered, he lost the ability to speak for a moment, stunned as he always was in her presence.
~I love you so much it breaks me.
No kind of words are enough,
because I also have a love
that I can never give voice to.~
"Kiley! What are you doing here?" Momo smiled, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.
"I, uh," he shifted from either foot, "There's something I need to tell you."
She blinked, smiling as she looked up at him, "What's so important that you couldn't tell me at school tomorrow?"
He cleared his throat and studied his shoes for a minute, then looked up bluntly, "Because I won't be there tomorrow. My parents are sending me to a military academy in Tokyo for the rest of my 'school career.' I leave when I get home tonight."
Momo gasped, frowning in concern for her friend, "Whatever for? Why did they suddenly decide that?"
"I got into a little fight with my brother," he smiled faintly when she opened her mouth reproachfully, "No, it wasn't anything physical, though I did feel like hitting him. It was just that Ryou got his revenge by saying I need 'discipline,' that's all."
~Can't become a man
just by being born.
True strength surely
starts with love.~
"Why were you two arguing, anyway?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
He shook his head, chuckling ironically to himself, "You know, sibling stuff."
"Yeah, right." Momo retorted gently, "The last I knew, a simple fight between brothers didn't usually end up with one being sent to a place like that. What really happened?"
"I can't say right now." Kiley whispered regretfully, looking away, "I have to go. They'll be expecting me soon."
Something flickered in her eyes as she noticed how he avoided the question, but she nodded, "All right. Goodbye, then Kiley. Thank you for always being there for me, my friend," she hugged him tightly.
"You're welcome," he closed his eyes, savoring this last moment with her as he dropped his note behind her back, where she wouldn't see it until she turned back into the house, before stepping back, "I'll see you around." I'll never forget you, Momo.
~If there's a smile
beyond the tears,
I'll watch over you,
like the dependable guy I am.~
Nodding one last time, he forced himself to turn away from her and run down the path to the street. His feet pounded the cement of the sidewalk as he tried to quicken his pace. He still ran when he heard her call his name, knowing she had found his true goodbye. Don't worry about me. I hope you find fulfillment with Toji. I wish it could have been me. I love you, Momo!
~I love you to the point it breaks me.
No kind of words are enough.
If it's a love that can't be granted,
then I'll wish only for your happiness.~
When he could run no more, a mile or two away from her house, he hit his knees in the grass of a small hill. Remembering the hug they'd just shared, all his emotions broke free, and he howled his pain to the emerging stars above.
~The setting sun sinks again
as it embraced its passion.
It reaches its inward rest,
even though it's painful… always.~
QoH: *blinks away tears* o_O Dang, am I evil, or what?! I knew when I started writing this that it would be a sucky life 4 poor Kiley, but even I didn't know it'd get this hard 4 the dude… By the way, this song here is the English translation from a Fushigi Yuugi track called "Setsunakutemo... Zutto," that is, "Even Though It's Painful… Always." As you can tell, Tasuki (the dude singin this, and my 2nd fave char) is in the same position Kiley is. Tho I'm personally rootin 4 Hotohori (my fave char, who, incidentally, doesn't get the girl either), I still absolutely love this song! ^_^ I heard it about a week ago, and I just had to include it! Utterly gorgeous, isn't it? *sniff* Review and tell me whatcha think, huh? :D