Hippocratic Oath

By: Song

Summary: Gaius just wished Merlin wasn't so terrified of being examined and treated. Rape aftermath.

Author's Notes: Written because this is an oft skated over scene in fics dealing with the subject. So I had to write it in excruciating detail. I hope this is something new, and not just a rehashing of fics from more talented writers than myself. To find aforementioned more talented writers, refer to my bookmarks either here or on AO3 where it is crossposted. My UN there is "Song"

I've made this as awkward, depressing, and hurt/comfort-y as possible. I'm probably going to hell for it too. Yes, Merlin's probably a little ooc. He's been through a horrible ordeal and forced to confront what happened. He's in pain and terrified. If that doesn't cause someone to be ooc idk what does.

Please forgive the unimaginative title. It's working name was "Post NC HC Merlin Gaius" for months.

Also, if anyone cares this is the 100th fic I've posted and longest oneshot I've ever written.

Shout out to seathecalling for her wonderful beta job!

WARNINGS: Rape aftermath. Implied gang rape, implied torture. Medical procedures and examination, inaccuracies, minor assisted washing/bathing, trauma, panic attacks. Graphic description of injuries and treatment.

Long days of worry came to a sudden close as King Arthur, half holding, half dragging his abnormally pale manservant burst into Gaius' quarters as the light of the afternoon turned into golden hues of early evening. *

"Merlin!" Gaius shouted abandoning his papers and illustrations, dislodging a few which fluttered to the floor.

Arthur helped Merlin stumble over the stone threshold to the cot, where he sunk to the straw filled mattress.

"Oh Merlin," Gaius said encircling Merlin in his arms causing him to squirm weakly. "When you failed to return, then later when Arthur's searches merited no results I'd feared the worst."

"'s okay Gaius, really..." mumbled Merlin tiredly, eyelids drooping and leaning heavily on the older man.

"I'll just uh.. leave, then." Arthur stammered, clearly no longer in his element. "Gaius," he barked in a feeble attempt to save face. "Make sure you take care of him and attend any injuries. Keep me informed."

With that, Arthur left as abruptly as he came.

Breaking the embrace Gaius eyed Merlin critically. Ill fitting clothes that may have belonged to Arthur nearly drowned the young warlock's frame. One of his eyes was blackened, and his hair oily. Beneath the neckline Gaius could see shadows of bruises blossoming under anemic skin.

"Let me take a look at you Merlin, rest while I get the supplies."

"Thanks Gaius, but what I need more than anything is a bath and bed," evaded Merlin stifling a yawn.

Suspicion broiled in his gut. Merlin had been missing for days and could barely stand on his own. If he was truly as undamaged as he claimed, Gaius would eat his mortar and pestle. The king had also ordered him to look after Merlin, and gods willing, he would. While not uncommon for Merlin to treat his own injuries, total refusal to let Gaius even see them spoke of something more.

"Very well," he conceded wearily. "Take the small basin and some rags, heat up some water and wash yourself off. I don't want you drowning if you fall asleep!" he cautioned.

"Thanks Gaius," Merlin replied, relief evident.

Far stronger than his age implied, Gaius helped Merlin to his room and brought him the water and rags, leaving the door open to hear if Merlin fell like he half expected. Evening sun faded to dusk, then darkness. Keeping an ear out for any sounds of distress from Merlin's quarters, Gaius lit the candles on his desk, started the fire to battle the cool autumn air and settled in for the night.

"Gaius?" A timid voice split the silence.

Gaius looked up from his reading a few scant hours after Merlin retired to see his ward standing in the doorway cloaked in darkness, firelight dancing ethereally on perspiration damp skin.

"I," Merlin bit his lip looking downward, readjusting and wringing his hands in the cloth of his nightclothes. "I need help."

Gaius raised his eyebrow.

"With uh.. with my injuries," he clarified. "I cleaned what I could, but the bleeding won't stop."

Gaius couldn't see any obvious wounds or bindings, but that did not preclude injuries hidden by clothes or injuries of a more personal nature. Given Merlin's previous refusal of care Gaius suspected the latter. He beckoned his ward over to the recovery bed he'd cleared in anticipation. "Come here Merlin, sit down and let me have a look."

Merlin shuffled from the stone doorway never quite meeting his gaze. If Gaius hadn't been a physician he might've missed the nearly imperceptible wince when Merlin sat.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" Gaius asked, washing his hands and igniting the oil lamp.

Movements measured, Merlin peeled the nightshirt from his bony shoulders revealing skin pied with bruises and cuts, most partially healed or scabbed over. Under the sleepwear he wore no smallcloths (unusual considering how easily Merlin got cold), skinny limbs scratched and contused, wrists black where they'd been manacled. About half of the fingernails on his trembling hands were bloodshot, some of the bruising strangely pointed. But when he spotted dark blotches on Merlin's too thin hips and bite marks on his chest, Gaius' worst fears were confirmed.

In his years Gaius had dealt with a handful of similar cases, usually women from the lower town and the rare noble. They were always closed, shuffling in distress and faces red with shame. They usually came at night, hiding in the shadows and only knocking on his door when the rest of Camelot slept.

Gaius would sit them on the table and gently ask them to hike up their skirts and drop their smallclothes so he could check the damage. If needed he'd stitch up any tears, give them a potion to prevent conception, and offer a shoulder to cry on.

The first time he'd been confronted with such a situation he'd only been a few years out of his apprenticeship. She knocked on his door as he was going to bed, appearing from the shadows wraithlike, her face tear stained as she'd begged him for help.

Gaius may have only belonged to the lower echelon of the ruling class, but he was no fool. He understood many workings of the lower town and poverty, as well as the lack of honor among many.

But understanding what happened did not make treatment any easier.

Merlin's hips and thighs were black and blue with bruises layered upon bruises, rendering it impossible to tell where one ended and the next began. Only a few edges yellowed slightly with age. Indistinct imprints that could've been made with a fist or a boot painted his torso. On his hips what might've once been hand prints bled into each other, outlines faint. His genitals were an angry pink, and Gaius discerned scratches on the sensitive skin of his penis. His sac was discolored, his abdomen and loins mottled with colors more befitting a tapestry than human skin. Impressions of teeth scattered his pale body focusing around his neck and collar where at least least one bite mark broke through, raised and puffy in the way of untreated infection. If Gaius' suspicions were correct, this damage was but a fraction of the atrocities his ward had been subject to.

"Are you sure about this Merlin?" Questioned Gaius, wishing this gruesome task on another but knowing he was the most equipped to care for such injuries. Never before had he so fervently longed he'd made a different choice of career. "Another physician-"

"No!" Merlin rapidly yelped cutting Gaius off. "No, I'm sure." He repeated firmly. "The less people know the better. I don't how well I'd handle someone touching-" he quickly backtracked, "how well I'd handle someone I don't know treating me."

Gaius' heart warmed slightly in spite of the grim circumstances, chastising himself. Merlin needed a physician, not a doddering old man. "Lay back, I will try and make this easy as possible."

Merlin reclined, the sticky nightshirt stretched between shaking hands automatically shielding his lower half from view.

"Yes, that might be more comfortable..." Gaius muttered, then louder inquired; "May I examine you?"

Merlin nodded and timidly requested, "Gaius? Can... can you talk me through it?"

Gaius smiled sadly, understanding Merlin needed any measure of control he could get. "If it will make you feel more at ease."

"Yes, I... I think it will."

"First, I'm checking for fractures," Gaius said as elderly hands nimbly traced traced Merlin's collarbone, then moved to pressing each rib individually noting when Merlin hissed or jerked away. "Nothing is broken, but at least one of your ribs appears to be cracked and quite a few more bruised." He concluded. "I don't think binding is in your best interest as it is stable and should heal on it's own. Breathing isn't too painful?"

Merlin shook his head, sweaty hair whipping around.

"Good, breath deeply whenever you remember; fluid in the lungs can kill even a healthy young man such as yourself." Sitting back Gaius continued, "Is anything ruptured or displaced?"

"I don't know," Merlin admitted looking away, "everything.. everything else hurts."

"Alright. I'm going to feel your abdomen for anything irregular." Gaius palpated Merlin's belly, maneuvering around the deepest bruises and checking the organs for any trauma; tapping in some places and pressing others. "I do not feel anything abnormal, though you are very tender." He paused, looking over Merlin's prone form and honing in on the apparent epicenter of maltreatment. "May I?" Gaius inquired softly, gesturing to his lower half. "This part might be easier if you sit."

Merlin adjusted, biting his lip and lifted the wrinkled nightshirt to exposing himself, body quaking with anxiety. His breathing quickened into short gasps for air, and the little color in his face drained leaving his black eye in even starker contrast against his sallow skin.

Sensing Merlin's terror Gaius immediately dropped from his chair to his knees, placed himself at Merlin's eye level and asked; "Merlin, in the years you've lived with me, have I ever hurt you?"

Merlin shook his head, face pallid and pulse racing visibly.

"And in the years as my apprentice, have you ever seen me cause a patient undue pain?"

Merlin shook his head again, eyes brimming.

"That's right. I am not going to hurt you, Merlin. You can stop me at any time if it becomes too much," promised Gaius.

Merlin nodded, a few tears breaking free.

"Breathe with me now Merlin, it will be alright."

Merlin timed his breaths with Gaius', some color returning to his features. "I trust you Gaius, 's'just..." Merlin trailed off wiping his eyes and trying not to sniffle.

"I understand Merlin, it is alright." Gaius assured. "Furthermore, you will be alright. Perhaps not today, or even next month, but you will get through this. You are stronger than you know."

Gaius' unwavering confidence seemed to bolster Merlin's own enough to allow the exam.

With gentleness born from years of caring for the sickly and injured, Gaius examined Merlin's abused genitalia. "Easy Merlin, easy." Gaius pacified when Merlin began to tremble.

"Keep going. I- I need to know." Merlin whispered.

"I'm checking your penis for any damage which could impede future function," he explained before ghosting over the scratches. He found nothing in the shaft beyond the obvious inflammation, and some indentations which looked suspiciously like fingernail marks. "I'm going to look at the head now." He retracted the foreskin, examined the urethral opening grateful to find the glans undamaged, and eased the sensitive tissue back in place.

"Everything seems to be more or less in order, or at least everything will heal. Have you had any difficulty maintaining a stream?"

"No." Merlin negated meekly.

"How about any discoloration or blood in the urine?"

"No, not any more."

"'Any more?' Merlin, bleeding in the kidneys can be very dangerous," scolded Gaius gently.

"Before- while I was still... there... one of them helped me a few times... held me up... claimed he didn't want me messing up his good blankets… I remember it being very dark, red colored, but when I returned to Camelot it was only slightly pink."

Gaius couldn't detect any dishonesty from his charge who often underplayed his own injuries, just exhaustion and fear. "That would certainly explain the tenderness," he concurred. "I'm going to examine your scrotum and check for any abnormalities." Gaius felt Merlin's testes; separating them and feeling the size, heft and shape of one, then the other. "No ruptures or herniations, and positioning is normal.

"Lay down on your side, facing away from me and towards the fire," instructed Gaius kindly.

Wincing gingerly Merlin turned his back to his physician and mentor.

As Merlin turned Gaius got a better view of the abuse. Similar to his front Merlin's back spoke the same mistreatment; but unlike his front, his back and rear were striped with livid red-purple welts. On top of everything the poor boy had been caned.

"Bring your knee as close to your chest as you can, alright Merlin?" Gaius asked, pointedly ignoring the bloody stain Merlin had left on the sheet.

The maimed flesh of his back stretched painfully as Merlin curled into himself and hugged his knee.

Dim firelight illuminated unmistakable fingerprints and additional bites on the inside of his thighs. Both were almost assuredly mirrored on the other side.

"I'm going to look now, alright? Focus on your breathing, in through the nose; one, two, three, and out... " He directed, acutely aware of the cold, fearful sweat on Merlin's skin.

"I trust you, Gaius." Merlin murmured hiding his face in his arms.

Carefully Gaius parted his cheeks, saddened, but unsurprised to find Merlin's anus swollen and florid. Blood and other substances better unnamed leaked down pasty white skin. He could already see one significant tear oozing sluggishly, undoubtedly the source of the bleeding. "I'm going to clean the injury to prevent infection, alright Merlin? Remember, you can stop me at any time."

Merlin nodded mutely.

Gaius removed the kettle from the fire. Soaking an off-white rag in the warm water he delicately washed away the tacky filth from Merlin's backside and legs, leaving him shivering despite the heat of the hearth. Beneath the blood and cracked crusting of the wound Merlin's skin was torn, but the muscles appeared mostly intact.

"I need to examine the interior to determine the extent of the wound," apologized Gaius softly knowing how vulnerable Merlin must feel, stripped naked with another man poised to examine his most intimate places.

"I suspected as much..." Merlin mourned. "I just want to stop hurting. I want to sleep and forget."

"Oh my poor boy," Gaius breathed, removing a jar from his desk. "This will sting a little bit, but should quickly go numb so I can check the damage inside."

Fighting back a sob, Merlin reached for Gaius' other hand.

Gaius started but quickly gave Merlin what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze, touched that Merlin would reach out to him for comfort even though Gaius feared he was retraumatizing the boy.

"Squeeze my hand twice when you're ready." Only years of treating the dying and infirm, passing on good and bad news alike allowed Gaius' voice steadiness.

Merlin pressed Gaius' hand two times in quick succession.

"Breathe Merlin, it will be alright." He reaffirmed, dipping a cloth into the fluid and dribbling the tincture onto Merlin's tender flesh.

Merlin's grasp tightened then relaxed as the medicine began it's work.

"Can you feel any pain?" Gaius asked pulling away with a prayer of gratitude for the speed of the remedy.

Shaking his head Merlin mumbled a negative.

"I'm going to check your passage, alright Merlin? It may be uncomfortable, but shouldn't be painful as I'm using plenty of oil to ease any friction. Bear down, it will relax the outer muscle and make it easier. Tell me if it begins to hurt or if you need more analgesic. And Merlin," Gaius firmly instructed opening another jar, "Stop me at any time it becomes too much."

Merlin screwed his eyes shut, gritted his teeth and nodded.

"Just squeeze my hand Merlin, I'm here," soothed Gaius as he coated his finger in slippery oil.

Merlin's breath hitched, developing into a whimper as the deft finger breached the quivering mistreated tissue, grip tightening painfully on his other hand. Gaius carefully felt the inside of the cavity, noted numerous lacerations but thankfully nothing which warranted additional care beyond the large one visible externally. Inside felt hot and abraded leaving him to wonder idly how often Merlin had been assaulted over his captivity. Gaius palpated the anterior wall, pleased to find the gland there undamaged.

When Merlin began to discreetly cry, Gaius made up his mind. With any other patient he would've simply offered them something to sooth their nerves while he stitched them back up; but this patient was Merlin, a not only traumatized but extremely powerful warlock. He didn't know what would happen if Merlin's magic felt endangered or threatened. Merlin cast unconsciously before, and if he were thrown in the midst of stitching the injury, more, irreparable damage would surely result. He hadn't used true healing magic since he'd healed Merlin with the poison incident, but hopefully Merlin's magic would recognize the healing enchantment and familiar magic within the salve.

The whole thought process took only a few moments during the exam, and he informed Merlin of his findings. "Your prostate is normal and the tear does not extend significantly through your perineum," Gaius concluded removing the digit, wiping away the remaining oil from his hand and Merlin's bottom. "Which is very lucky. While painful, I do not expect permanent damage- at least not with healing balms."

"Permanent damage?" Choked Merlin, uncurling and letting go of Gaius' hand.

"You needn't worry Merlin," he reassured. "I would be extremely surprised if anything irreversible happens. It shouldn't as the musculature appears almost entirely intact. Bladder and bowel dysfunction are not ailments I'd wish on my worst enemy."

Merlin grimaced, absently wiping the tear tracks from his blotchy face.

"Have you had any solid food?"

"No," Merlin clarified, voice small. "After- after the knights rescued me, they thought it best to get me home. I haven't had anything but water for days."

"That may well be a mixed blessing. Expelling waste could slow the healing process or further damage the tissue. For the next day or so it would be best if you ate only broths and soups."

Standing Gaius washed his hands before inspecting the many vials and jars filled with potions, tinctures and salves, choosing a middle sized one hidden in the rear of the cupboard. Carefully plucking the jar Gaius whispered words of old allowing his eyes to flash golden and accessing the dormant magic within. "I think you'll need something stronger than usual. Additionally, this one is totally safe for internal use."

Merlin flinched, but did not question his mentor.

"Would you like me-?" Gaius asked, holding out the balm.

Merlin shook his head, taking the vaguely green salve and turning slightly green himself. "It's not- I can- I don't-"

Gaius held up a hand silencing the stuttering young warlock. "Put on what you can and I'll treat whatever you cannot reach."

Merlin nodded taking the small jar.

Turning his back to his patient Gaius pointedly busied himself with unimportant tasks while Merlin slathered his wounded flesh.

Merlin coughed quietly, garnering Gaius' attention when he was done.

Gaius inspected his work impartially, pleased to see his ward had treated everything easily reachable without stressing his cracked ribs. His groin, chest, hips, thighs and wrists were all covered liberally with the thick paste. "Have you managed the salve internally?"

Merlin shook his head gloomily, gaze downcast. "Twisting hurt too much."

At that Gaius took the salve, "May I?" he confirmed, knowing Merlin would value the control. "Tomorrow evening you should be able to apply it yourself," Gaius amended appealing to the return of his bodily autonomy when Merlin did not answer. "This particular brew has a bit of a boost that you in particular can appreciate," he said in an effort to distract.

Merlin smiled slightly, catching Gaius' meaning. The mention of new magic always cheered him.

"After," Merlin began tentatively, "after, can you teach me?"

"I think perhaps in a few days," Gaius concurred, "when you are feeling more yourself. It's fairly easy- both the brew and enchantment, but your energy should be focused on healing."

Merlin resumed the earlier position of the exam, muscles taught in anxiety.

Gaius smeared balm over the exterior and between his cheeks and legs, temporarily dipping within to smother the the internal lacerations.

Merlin's tension abated once again when Gaius finished the tender area and moved on to the external injuries.

Gaius indicated to Merlin to lay on his stomach where he spread the thick paste over the bites and welts on Merlin's back, shoulders and thighs. As he rubbed the salve into the wounds and sore muscles Merlin's body slackened letting the healing substance do its work. By the time Gaius finished Merlin was all but asleep, no longer in mind numbing pain, and for the first time in days completely unafraid.

"Thank you Gaius," he murmured. "I know this isn't how you would've wanted to spend your night."

"It is not a problem Merlin. I may be old, but it is my sworn duty as a physician to aid those in need, and despite circumstances, I do enjoy caring for people and healing them where I can. I wouldn't have become a physician otherwise. Even if I didn't, you're a son to me and I'll do anything within my power to help you and ease your suffering. I only wish it did not require such an intrusion on your person," Gaius observed sadly.

Merlin turned his head to the fire, losing his thoughts to the sputtering flames.

Bones creaking, Gaius walked over to his own cot and retrieved an age worn quilt. He wrapped Merlin in its soft folds considerate of the many injuries on his gaunt frame before sitting down next to him.

Merlin pulled the blanket tight around his naked body, enveloping himself completely before scooting into his mentor's steadfast warmth.

They sat together watching the fire burn as Gaius stroked Merlin's silky black hair. "I know you were captured and rescued- that much all of Camelot knows after the fuss Arthur put up, but what happened?" Gaius asked quietly, Merlin nestled safely in his lap like a child seeking comfort from a parent. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to Merlin." Gaius said voice low, "but it may help ease your mind."

Gaius continued the soothing ministrations and after a moment, Merlin spoke.

"The last thing I remember on the day I was abducted was collecting herbs by the spring- then a sharp pain as something hit my head... then nothing," he confided. "When I awoke my hands were shackled with iron. I couldn't even touch my magic. I don't know if they knew or if they were just lucky. I felt ill, feverish. Nothing made sense. I couldn't do anything as they st-stripped me, cut off my cloths with a knife. He unlaced his trousers, slicked himself up with spit and..." Merlin trailed off unable to voice the horrible act, eyes brimming.

"Oh my boy, my poor boy..." He breathed, gently hugging Merlin who finally broke down. Given the damage he was inclined to believe Merlin recounted only the first of many assaults endured, and based on what he had cleaned he was also sure more than one man had taken his pleasure from Merlin's unwilling body.

Gaius' old heart once numb from the purge, shattered.

"It hurts Gaius," Merlin wept, trembling tears running hot down his face. "It burnt and felt so wrong!"

Gaius rocked his surrogate son as the emotions bled out, the front of his robes gradually drenching in sorrow and snot.

"I'm proud of you Merlin, coming to me for treatment was very brave." Gaius whispered into Merlin's hair as he cried. "The amount of courage you've shown tonight surpasses the finest knights of the kingdom; for your adversary was your own memory and recollection. I couldn't be prouder if you were my own flesh and blood."

Eventually Merlin's wails lulled into muted sobs while Gaius stroked his dark hair. "Rest Merlin, and I will inform Arthur-"

"Don't tell Arthur, Gaius," Merlin interjected brokenly.

"Merlin, you can't work like this. Even something minor such as tripping could reopen the lacerations and reverse the healing." Gaius reasoned. "I also need to keep a very close eye on you for any infection."

"I know, Gaius, just.. please don't tell Arthur. I don't want him to think less of me."

"He will not think less of you for your ordeal," Gaius began, suspecting Arthur already knew, but stopped when he noticed fresh tears falling onto his clothes. "Hush Merlin. I won't tell Arthur anything you do not wish me to. "

"Thank you Gaius," Merlin exhaled.

"Sleep. Come morning you will feel better."

Head rested on Gaius' chest Merlin nodded, and eventually drifted into uneasy sleep.

Gaius extracted himself from Merlin's gangly limbs, now only loosely clutching the fabric of his robe, and pushed his own cot over so he could rouse Merlin from any nightmares.

He knew the weeks and months to follow would try them both, promising many late talks and reassurances, but he'd confront those when they came. For now Gaius reveled in the knowledge that Merlin was home safe, in Camelot.

Exhausted after the long days of worrying and a night far longer than a man his age should stay awake, Gaius too retired.

The next morning he informed the king. Arthur confirmed Gaius' hunch; both about his knowledge on the true nature of Merlin's numerous injuries and the whereabouts of the men who had so wronged him.

Gaius knocked on the heavy oak door left slightly ajar.

"Ah, yes, Gaius," Arthur responded from his regal walnut desk pretending to stop work on the paper he'd been ignoring all morning. Though well hidden, dark shadows were visible under Arthur's eyes, which were suspiciously red rimmed. "How is Merlin?"

"As well as can be expected sire. I predict it will take at least a fortnight before Merlin is fit for duty; he has multiple injuries making it unwise to walk or exert himself physically."

"Tell Merlin he is to return to light duty in three weeks time, and not a day before."

Gaius asked the question that had been gnawing at him. "Sire, may I ask what happened to the bandits?"

Arthur's warmth disappeared and his eyes steeled. "Dead. We razed the camp to the ground. We believed them to be slavers, though Merlin was their only captive. I passed judgement, and those not felled in battle were executed after we'd seen what they'd done to Merlin."

"Good." Gaius stated in grim satisfaction. "Outlaws like that are far too dangerous and cannot be allowed to live within our borders. And the knights?"

"Sworn to secrecy, though none involved- Leon, Percival nor Gwaine- would break confidence." Arthur assured.

Satisfied Gaius made to return to his chambers and patient but was stopped.

"Gaius?" Arthur began uncharacteristically hesitant.

"Yes sire?"

"I do not think they were truly slavers, or at least not actively." Arthur admitted, dropping all pretense of royalty. "We found correspondence in one of the tents; orders to capture and torture Merlin, break him by any means necessary." Arthur described tonelessly, eyes glistening. "The apparent goal was to cripple Camelot. It has evidently become well known within the kingdoms how much I rely on him. I fear I may have acted irrationally, condemning them to death and not capturing them for interrogation."

"They were dangerous men and enemies to the crown." Gaius placated. "Given what you know now, can you honestly say you would not have sentenced them to death for their crimes?"

"No, I can't." Arthur conceded rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I just feel I have failed him. Merlin is supposed to be under my protection."

"Arthur, you've no more failed Merlin than you cause the rain. Evil, moralless beings did this too him, and you've done everything in your considerable power to bring him home."

"Tell me truthfully. Will Merlin be alright?"

Gaius bowed his head and allowed the weight of the past week to reign down on his aged shoulders. "I believe he will recover sire," Gaius replied before adding soberly; "with sufficient time and support."

Fin

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