It all started when Artemis and M'gaan decided that Bruce Wayne was their new favourite celebrity. That was no surprise — the girls seemed to pick a new guy to moon over every week. Especially M'gaan, who seemed to love any type of celebrity gossip. So, when they'd started going on about how attractive Bruce Wayne was, and giggling whenever he appeared on television, or threatening to shove cookies down his throat (…okay, M'gaan had said she'd like to give him some of her cookies, but she'd sounded almost creepily insistent), Wally hadn't thought anything of it.

But then Rob had started acting strange, and that was when things had gotten weird. Because whenever the girls giggled, Rob choked. Whenever the girls spoke about how 'hot' Bruce Wayne was, Rob would start stuttering, and find some way to change the topic. Whenever Bruce Wayne popped up on the television screen, Robin would fumble for the remote, and change the channel as soon as possible.

Wally tried to work out what this strange behaviour meant, and he could only come to one conclusion: Robin had a crush on Bruce Wayne. A crush that he, most likely, felt that he couldn't express. Wally had no idea why — it wasn't like they were particularly judgemental. If Rob was gay, that was totally cool. Rob could like has many guys as he liked. Bruce Wayne as a bit of a douche in Wally's opinion, but if Robin thought he was hot, then fine — that was totally fine.

Wally just wished Robin would say something. He hated that his best friend seemed to be avoiding the subject. They were all friends here, and Wally wanted everyone to feel comfortable around each other. Of course, it was possible that Robin could simply be shy about this sort of thing, but — Wally needed to make sure that Robin knew it was totally cool to talk about this type of thing.

Which led to his current mission. After much thought, Wally decided that maybe Robin felt awkward talking about it because he was the only guy who felt that way. Artemis and M'gaan never shut up about Bruce Wayne these days, but Wally, Kaldur, and Connor hadn't said a word. Maybe, if Dick heard another guy joining in, he wouldn't feel so uncomfortable.

Yes — he was sure he was right, and he wasn't going to stop until Dick knew that it was totally fine to express his interest in hot guys. Totally, completely, 100% fine.

…

"So…were you watching TV this morning?"

Robin glanced up from the book he'd been reading. His brow furrowed slightly. "No, why?" he asked.

Wally grinned, and threw himself down on the couch. It sunk slightly under his weight. "That celebrity M'gaan and Artie like was on TV," Wally told him. "What was his name again? …Oh yeah, Bruce Wayne."

Robin froze. "Oh…" He swallowed. "I, uh, didn't know."

"Uh-huh." Wally leaned forward. "Artie wouldn't shut up about how tight his pants were."

"Oh." Robin leaned back. "That's…interesting."

"Yeah." Wally stared at Robin expectedly. "…They were nice pants." He kept staring; still nothing. "…He looked good in them."

Was that too much? Robin looked…really uncomfortable.

"That's nice Wally," his friend choked at last. "Uh…hey is that the oven I hear? M'gaan's burning more cookies, let's go!"

And then he rushed out of the room. Wally stared after him.

He needed to up his game.

…

"Hey, M'gaan left her magazine here." Wally picked it up, and thrust it in Robin's face. The younger male took a step backwards.

"Oh hey — it's Bruce Wayne!" Wally grinned. "Damn, he's one attractive man!"

Robin stared at him, and — was that a wince?

Damn, not the reaction he'd wanted.

"Don't you think so?" Wally pressed, and the magazine inched closer. For a minute Wally wondered if maybe he'd miscalculated, but — that was a blush. Robin was blushing.

Okay, crisis averted. The crush was still a thing.

"Um, are you hungry?" Robin choked, side-stepping Wally. "I'm hungry."

He turned around, and hurried out of the room. Wally watched him leave, frowning.

…

"Hey, I'm thinking of changing my hairstyle — I've got some celebrity pics here, what do you think?"

He slid the photos towards Robin, who glanced down at them. His friend shrugged.

"I dunno Wally, I guess you could trim it a bit." He stared at Wally's head critically, his head cocked to the side. "…Maybe get rid of all that red."

Wally nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yeah, great idea!"

"What — really?" Robin blinked in surprise. "I was kidding but…you really want to dye your hair?" He smirked slightly. "What happened to your hair being your 'best asset'?"

Aaaand it was time to strike.

"Well, that was until I saw Bruce Wayne's hair!" Wally declared, and Robin froze. "The guy's got great hair — he's like some kind of hair god, or something."

Okay, maybe not the best thing he'd ever said, but it'd work.

Robin, stared at him, frozen.

…Okay, maybe it wouldn't work.

"It, uh, really accentuates his cheekbones."

Robin choked something about Batman, and training, and then all but ran out of the room.

…

"Pick a male celebrity you'd want to sleep with."

Robin stiffened. "What?"

"It's a game," Wally replied. "I heard Artemis and Zatanna doing it the other day, but with female celebrities."

Robin swallowed. "I don't know Wally —"

"Bruce Wayne."

"…What?"

"If I had to sleep with a male celebrity, I'd pick Bruce Wayne."

Robin paled.

"What do you think?" Wally pressed. "Rob?"

Robin took a deep breath, his fists clenched at his sides. He looked — well, he looked angry. Wally felt the smile slip off his face. He'd anticipated a lot of things, but anger sure as hell wasn't one of them.

"Okay, what the hell Wally?" Robin growled, taking a step forward. "If you want to tell me something, just come out and say it! Why do you have to make this as painful as possible?!"

Wally stared at him, eyes wide in confusion. "Rob," he said desperately, "it's nothing to be ashamed of. You know I'd never judge you for something like that."

Robin flung his arms in the air. "Then stop!" he snapped. "You think I haven't noticed how you won't shut up about Bruce Wayne?! I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Batman said I couldn't — "

Wally's brow furrowed. Batman had said that Robin couldn't speak about his crush on Bruce Wayne?

…Why?!

" — and honestly, this is a dick move, okay? No pun intended! He's my dad, and I do not want to hear about how he looks in tight jeans, or how you'd like to — I mean, goddammit Wally, what the hell - ?!"

"…Wait, what?"

" and — and — seriously, you want to dye your hair the same shade as his?! You want to — "

"WAIT!" Wally felt his mind whirring, and — and — what the hell was going on?! "What do you mean your DAD?!"

Robin stopped abruptly, and stared at him for a moment. "…Well…he's not technically my dad, but he's my legal guardian, and for all intents and purposes…"

"BRUCE WAYNE is your DAD?!"

Robin's jaw dropped. "Wait, you didn't know?" he spluttered.

"How — Rob, how could I possible know that?!" Wally choked. "I — I thought you had a crush on Bruce Wayne! I didn't — oh my god, does that mean he's — Batman is — "

"You what?!" Robin shrieked.

"I — I just thought you felt awkward because you liked a guy, and that's why I kept saying that stuff. I thought it'd let you know I was okay with all of it — and now that I think about it, it was a really bad plan, wasn't it? But, uh, oh god, I am SO sorry — "

"YOU THOUGHT I LIKED BRUCE?!"

If he vibrated his molecules fast enough, could he sink through the floor? Because he'd really like to disappear right now.

"You'd always blush when someone brought him up!" Wally said, his cheeks burning.

"Because no one is supposed to know who we are!" Robin shot back. "And — and it's awkward when your friends are talking about how hot your dad is, okay?!"

"It's not like I knew who he was!" Wally protested. "I — oh my god." He froze, his eyes widening in horror. "…I said I wanted to sleep with Batman…"

Robin squeaked.

"I…I said Batman looks good in tight jeans…"

"Oh god, stop," Robin whimpered.

"Rob…" Please, please, let the floor swallow him up. "I am so, so sorry…"

Robin took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. A moment later he opened them, his eyes narrowing sharply. "We," he said firmly, "are never asking about this again."

Wally nodded hurriedly. "Yup."

"Ever."

"I agree. We never have to bring this up again. Ever. Especially not in front of Batman. Because I value my life so, so much."

Robin nodded shakily.

…

Later on, when M'gaan had her back turned, Wally grabbed her latest gossip magazine, tried to ignore Bruce Wayne's grinning picture on the front, and tossed it out a nearby window.