Ever wonder what Dawn wrote in that blue notebook? Well, here's a piece. She wrote this a week before she died. A piece of it was in the last chapter. Enjoy!

December 15th, 2015

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

Initially, I didn't think such a thing like love existed. In a world that was full of hatred and jealousy, how could there be such a thing called love? This emotion, I felt, was only displayed artificially in movies and in books. I didn't accept this emotion. But little did I know that my opinion would gradually change. It was about four months ago, when I first encountered this emotion, and I met someone who truly understood me, who accepted me, and who embraced me. He never gave up on me.

It started in a strange place. It started in detention.

For majority of my life, everyone considered me, Dawn Berlitz, to be a nerd and a social outcast. I was always bullied and teased in middle school and even right now, in high school. They made me feel as if I was some sort of toy they could play with and toss away. I'd attempt to get assistance, but they'd always threaten me. I was never fully brave enough to tell someone how I truly felt inside; broken.

I'm different, I agree. But I don't comprehend why everyone constantly insulted me for it.

I liked being secluded from others. It gave me an immense amount of time for myself to ponder about certain things. Besides, what was the point in getting along with people when they already hated and judged you?

Also, since I have leukaemia, I would think staying hidden from everyone would be a good idea. No one would have to worry about me and my sickness. Only my mom knows about this secret and only I know the amount of worry and stress she goes through each and every day for me. I wouldn't want anybody else to stress about me.

I wanted to live life. I had so many aspirations, hopes and dreams. One of my dreams is to be in two places at once. I also was always fascinated by the starry night sky and what was hidden in the galaxy, so seeing space was definitely on the list too. Finally, I want to publish a book…though I'm not too sure what it'd be about.

I have long term goals as well. I don't think I've ever confessed this to someone, but I've always wanted to be an actress or a comedian. I think with my amazing jokes, people would like me.

Alright, so perhaps my jokes aren't amazing, but I'll get better one day.

The point is that I have countless of things that I want to accomplish in life. And I have barely any time left. I had already accepted this life and I knew the ending result…but I wanted more time. I needed to do something worthwhile before I go.

And then I met Ash.

To be fair, I had first seen Ash back when I was a new student in middle school. I never thought much of him but being an immature guy who always got away with his mischievous pranks in high school now would obviously get everyone to notice him; including me.

His childish antics were a bit sickening, if I have to be completely honest. He would constantly pull pranks on teachers and other students for no absolute reason. What was there to gain? It was completely idiotic, and I was sick and tired of him never growing up and being irresponsible.

Hence, I decided to put my foot down. Call me a snitch if you want, but I don't care. I ratted him out.

And it may have been the smartest thing I've done.

Ash and I had our first conversation alone after detention. I had gotten detention as well for something as stupid as slamming my locker door loudly. Who invented such a preposterous rule like that? And why were there sanctions involved for this?

Anyway, Ash had asked me to tutor him. At first, I was highly sceptical. Why? Because he along with his other members of his posse made fun of me as well. I didn't see any reason to lend him my assistance. However, I realized I was the reason for him being in detention for three weeks, and I felt slightly guilty. Plus, who knows? Perhaps he could improve his grades, but I'd have to be careful. I didn't want him to get too close to me.

So, I told him not to fall in love with me, but he just laughed it off.

Little did I know that I'd fall for him too.

As the days passed, I got to know about Ash; the real Ash. He didn't know it sometimes, but he could be extremely smart if he tried. He just doesn't put himself out there. He could also be really funny, charming and sweet. I also realized we had so much in common. For example, we both enjoy the same type of music and we're both an only child. Plus, we're both living with our mothers without a fatherly presence.

He'd always protect and defend me too. One day, Ursula, one of my bullies, threatened for me to do her homework, but Ash stood up for me. He told me that I should defend myself, but he had no idea that I didn't defend myself purposefully. Helping someone out, even though I was being bullied, was just another way to make my life that much more worthwhile to live.

He was confused about this. He'd question me from time to time, especially about this book I'm writing in. I always keep my secrets in this book and I didn't want anyone to suddenly discover them, especially Ash.

This was exactly what I was afraid of. I was quickly falling for him and perhaps I was a bit too deep. I didn't want to tell him…at least not yet. I don't think he'd be able to take it.

But then it got worse.

Ash had reciprocated my feelings and he was even courageous enough to ask permission from my mom to take me out. I realize that must sound odd or preposterous, but the whole reason why I wasn't allowed to date was because she didn't want anyone to become too close to me in hopes that I don't worry them later.

And ironically, that's exactly what happened.

I went on my first (and probably my last) magical date with Ash. I would have never imagined a few weeks ago that I would be on a date with him. He told me some of the sweetest things any girl would want to hear. He told me that he likes me for the way I am and that I'm beautiful. No one, apart from my mom, has ever called me that. He made me forget about everything on the date; the bullying, the sickness…everything.

He also made one of my dreams come true; I didn't think he would do something as nice as that for me. He made me straddle the state line under the Kanto sign so I could be in 'two places at once'. As a gal who was obsessed with corny jokes, I loved this. I loved that he fulfilled my dreams and I felt absolute euphoria.

He made me live.

But when he told me he loves me…that was when I started to panic internally.

If he knew about my sickness, there's no way that he wouldn't crumble. I'd give it about a high 99.99% chance and I didn't want to take that risk.

I talked to my mom about this and she advised and told me that if I didn't tell Ash soon, he'd be crushed even more. I was reluctant at first and I constantly hesitated to tell him because I was extremely afraid. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

He'd ask me constantly what I was so worried about and I would just make up lame excuses, like the fact that I didn't get all A's in my report card. It was just a front to hide my real secret.

But I knew I couldn't evade this for too long. I had to be brave and I was internally hoping that he was too. When I did tell him, he had the exact reaction that I was expecting; confused, angry, sad, hurt. I didn't blame him. He had fallen in love with me only to realize he was going to lose me later.

I felt extremely guilty. I should have just refused to tutor him. I didn't realize that tutoring him would make us fall in love with each other. I knew we both didn't want to lose each other. It was my fault.

I'd attempted to apologize to Ash for not telling him sooner but being the understanding and now mature guy that he had become in these past few weeks, he understood. He perfectly understood why I was reluctant to tell him.

I only had about a few days left, if possible a week. And during those days, Ash and I spent whatever time I had together. He'd also made one of my other dreams come true and allowed me to see the stars from a telescope; he was even generous enough to name a star after me. He had no idea how much that meant to me and how much I loved him.

He wasn't scared to cry or crumble before me, confessing how he was feeling about the whole situation. I wasn't scared to cry either.

But I told him that not every story has happy endings. There were sacrifices that had to be made in any relationship, no matter how big or small.

Though he seemed scared, I know that he accepted the truth later on.

Ash, if you're reading this right now, then I have a few things to say. First of all…thank you. Thank you for getting close to me and getting to know the real me. Thank you for all the little things you did for me. Thank you for defending me, thank you for being supportive of me, thank you for embracing me for who I am. Most of all, thank you for making my life worthwhile. Thank you for making me live.

Your tears are probably wetting the page at this point. I guess reading this must bring a WAVE of emotions. …Sorry, couldn't resist.

One last thing, Ash: I love you and I'll always miss you. And remember, there's no need to worry.

~ Dawn Berlitz.