It was an annoying feeling. Something was on his face. Wally realized this in his half asleep half awake stupor, so it took him a moment to process this fact.

Wait - he had fallen asleep first in Dick's room, and something was on his face

This jolted him awake like a rush of electricity, and he swatted at whatever the object was; tarantula? Shaving cream? Teletubby?! He should have known better than to be the first one to fall asleep while The Master of the Aster (Master of Disaster, in Wally's opinion) was present...heck his hair could be a green mohawk right now.

Hang on, something was duct taped to his forehead...seriously? What, probably a sign that said 'Kiss Me I'm Irish'? Wouldn't be the first time.

With a grimace, he ripped it off quickly as one does with a bandaid. It was a...list. Wow, a long list. Was he really expected to read all of that?

Rubbing his forehead with one hand, he took in his surroundings. Dick was on his side of the bed, curled up under the covers with only his dark, messy hair visible at the top. The alarm clock said it was 10:31 am. No wonder it was so bright.

It was too early for this.

Looking at the list again, he rubbed at his eyes then began reading Dick's small, neat scrawl:

...

Wally -

I did not go to bed until 4:30 am, DO NOT WAKE ME UP UNLESS:

I am on fire

You are on fire

The house is on fire

Anything to do with fire

Or a flood

Your mom calls and demands you come home cause you're in trouuuublllllee

Your mom calls cause you're in trouble and she mentions me

Adele is at the door

Jennifer Lawrence is at the door

Emma Watson is at the door

Roy is at the door

A portal to another dimension appears

The paparazzi has breached our defenses and entered the house

You suspect Alfred has been replaced by a robot

You suspect you've been replaced by a robot

They announce another Harry Potter book

You've cracked the Da Vinci code

You feel the earth move under your feet, you feel the sky come tumbling down (that's a song, idiot)

You get delusions of grandeur and need me to deflate your ego

You are about to be kidnapped

More importantly, I am about to be kidnapped

You break something valuable and we have to find a fake replacement for it fast

We have been turned into cats (again)

You accidentally activate an exploding bat/birdarang

My school calls and I have to impersonate Bruce to get out of trouble

You injure yourself

You are about to injure yourself

You are about to injure both of us

Bruce is standing in the doorway glaring at you and saying nothing

We are being abducted by aliens (but if its MM and supes it's fine)

We accidentally time travelled

You finally realize you are adopted and need moral support

I develop superpowers in my sleep

You about to do something stupid and get us both in trouble

You have the fifty bucks you owe me

You are having a mid life crisis

You want to admit the massive crush you have on me

There is some perv stalking us cause we're just that sexy

Bruce buys me an elephant

Or a dragon

Preferably both

There is a bee in the room

They release the trailer for the next star wars movie

There is pizza

You decide to legally change your name to Waldo

You decide to get a sex change

Supernatural Season 13 is announced

You step on a Lego and yell in agony

There is an owl in the house again

There is a spider - like, anywhere

Slender man is trying to seduce you

You have a psychotic break and try to murder me

You are dying

You are going to die

You have gone blind and want cereal

You're getting married

Your name is actually Mary, you're on the ceiling, and things are getting heated

We are invaded by an angry mob of bananas - AKA, When Potassium Attacks

We are going to Disney land or world

You find a tattoo you didn't have when you went to sleep last night

Your mom finds your fake ID and I'm found guilty by association and or collaboration

You hear mysterious footsteps on the stairs and nobody's there (get the salt)

The wifi is down

You find the dead body in the closet

Your grandmother's cat has followed you here and is plotting your ultimate demise in the shadows

I will rip your arms off and beat you with them if you wake me up for any reason besides these.

Don't just sit around bored watching me sleep. That's weird dude.

If you even THINK about drawing on my face with a sharpie, you'll regret it

And Stay out of my stuff.

...

Wally stared at the list for at least a solid minute after reading it. He then gave his sleeping friend a long look, and thought hard about his choice of best friend.

Eh, pretty darn good choice.

Half an hour later when Dick woke up with a tired groan, he glanced across the room at Wally with squinty, sleepy eyes.

"You have a lot of glitter," Wally commented in a bored tone. He looked up from the box of stuff he was rummaging through.

"Dude, get out of my stuff!" Dick exclaimed in a scratchy voice, throwing a pillow at him.

"Why did you stay up till 4:30?"

"Why are you going through my stuff?"

"Why do you have so much glitter?"

"Why does it even matter?"

"...Is there really a dead body in your closet?"

Shoutout to Anriela! Booyah, glad you've been getting a laugh from these things :)

Well this was fun. I think one of my favorite fics so far.

I am so behind in my stories, I've got a million updates to do. I'm drowwwwwwning ahhhh I need a lifeguard