...it's been a long, long time, Naruto fandom. Almost two years since I gave up writing Reign In Blood, although it feels like that was a lifetime ago. Still love that phrase.

A lot happened in my absence. The series ended, Naruto got with Hinata at the end, they even had a pair of kids. Not even gonna front, it would have been cool as fuck if Boruto had the Byakugan.

Anyway, though, I came back now because I'm at a bit of a standstill with some other fics, although you can feel free to check out my NGE one, As Long as the Raven Flies. I'm a little prouder of that one than most. I also came back because, hell, I miss my little corner office writing for the ships that get no love. Naruto/Yugito was, and is, my favorite, but I've already read just about everything that's good in that archive a hundred times over. So this one will be my second Naruto/Tayuya fic, the last one having been Violence Fetish published back when early man still hunted woolly mammoths. I have no idea where I'm going with this, or how long it will take. If I fuck up spelling someone's name, or a jutsu, or something like that, just PM me or say it in a review, and I'll go back to edit it.

All I know is that the canon Naruto timeline is fucked all to hell. Please consider:

1. The Third War ended when Itachi was alive, just a couple years later the Kyuubi attack comes.

2. Jiraiya was 37 when Naruto was born, as he turned 50 when they were searching for Tsunade (when Naruto was 13) which means that Minato/Kushina couldn't have been much older than 20 when they died. That means Minato had to be ~18 years old or younger, leading a group of 13-year-olds in a war zone. Ergo, Uzushiogakure had been gone for 30-ish years by the time Naruto graduated, as it was still standing when Kushina was sent there.

3. Anko's age being relatively close to Iruka's/Kakashi's ages, not that I've bothered to actually look any of them up, Orochimaru defected after the Kyuubi attack. Do you know how bullshit that is? And/or, how pathetic that makes Jiraiya for chasing after a man who's almost 40 that decided to run away from home? I find that image fucking hilarious. Jiraiya's a badass, he's strong as fuck, but dude...that's a little sad.

Also, this has nothing to do with the timeline, but it's always confused me: it's stated fairly immediately in canon that Naruto failed the graduation exam twice. If canon is to be believed, that means Naruto tried twice to graduate early, and that's why he's the same age as the rest of his graduating class. Personally, I prefer the idea that Kishimoto made a continuity error and that Naruto should actually be two years older than his graduating class, making him 15 and 18 for pre- and post-Shippuden, respectively.

I'm gonna start writing before I get sidetracked...again.

Let's get this trainwreck moving.

Edit (August 15th, 2018): Hey guys! I'm gonna be going back through WTSIG and fixing some mistakes/adding more scenes. I'll also be adding a final post-epilogue chapter that'll go over the mythos I developed during the year and a half that I wrote this story.

"Oh, fuck, my head." Tayuya came to, having been knocked unconscious earlier. Her initial grogginess wore off in seconds, and then pain set in. "Fuck, my legs!"

She was at an angle, propped up by some of the trees in this decapitated forest, and her legs felt like they were on fire...for good reason: another tree, thicker than she was tall, had landed across her thighs, and she was trapped.

"If that fuckin' fatass Jirobo was here...hell, if any of the others were here, they'd be able to get me out. Hell, we probably succeeded, so Orochimaru would let me off the hook...maybe." She griped to herself.

While she didn't enjoy that 'maybe,' it was the best hope that she had to go on. She was one of his elite guards, and that was worth something...though their status as 'elite' didn't mean much when Orochimaru's continued experiments produced stronger mutations. Given how young those subjects were, it was likely that the Sound Four would outlive their usefulness. Unfortunately for Orochimaru, though, he hadn't been able to ensure that those mutated children were able to stay sane. For better or worse, with their basic curse seals, she and the others were the most capable soldiers on Orochimaru's side. Kabuto was the only exception to that rule.

Thinking of that man sent shivers down her spine. He was a brilliant medic, but a little too brilliant. Kabuto was Orochimaru's right-hand-man and apprentice. Kimimaro before his illness, and Sasuke now...they were just spare bodies to him, vessels that he could use to attain his goals. He hadn't deigned to share that information with Tayuya, or any of the other members of the Sound Four. Not that she was complaining; that would have been another piece of information that a captor could torture out of her.

Of course, at this point, capture was looking like her best option. Orochimaru was known for tying up loose ends in a very painful way, and Konoha had comfortable prisons...as far as prisons went. Better than Orochimaru's stone walls and steel bars, no doubt. Supposedly, they were like staying in a shitty one-star motel, minus the roaches. Then again, the man who'd told her that wasn't exactly the most mentally put-together in the world...

"Well, the others are probably dead. Even Kimimaro's running on borrowed time."

On the one hand, the pain in her legs was excruciating. On the other hand, the fact that she could still feel them meant that they were still repairable. Time was working against her, and she knew that.

An explosion in the distance caught her attention, and as a blur passed by to her right, she shouted for help.

"What have we here?" A giant, white-haired man appeared in her vision. He had to be at least six feet tall, and looked like he could withstand a mountain collapsing on him. "You're working for my old teammate, huh? Well...it'd leave a really bad taste in my mouth to just leave you here to die. Why don't you come with me, I know someone who'll be able to fix those legs of yours. Then, you and I can have a nice, long talk."

He placed one hand toward the bottom of the log, casually flipping it to stand on one end.

"How the fuck did you-"

"Anything is possible when you're the great Jiraiya!" He laughed. "Now, will you come with me or not? I won't force you, but I know how Orochimaru operates. I've had enough spies die to learn what happens when someone is in your position."

The decision didn't take long.

"I'm coming..." She huffed, holding out an arm for the Sannin to grab.

"Excellent!" He picked her up, carrying her on his back, and resumed traveling. "Now, to go pick up that bumbling student of mine and his wayward friend...if we can."

Lightning had burnt Naruto's jacket to a crisp, blood running down his chest from a hole on either side. Shrugging off the destroyed vestment that Konoha's populace had come to know as the infamous Orange Nightmare, his upper body was on display for the world to see.

"That's a lot of scars, Naruto. Were those from Haku?" Sasuke, his best friend and current enemy, momentarily stopped their fight in wonder. What the hell had happened to Naruto?

His torso was riddled with jagged lines, deep gouges, and more than a few imprints that looked like acid or burn scars. Before Sasuke's eyes, the two craters he'd put in Naruto's chest stopped bleeding and began to heal over.

"No...these were from the villagers. They're old, they're faded, but...they're from before I came to the Academy. Normally, I put a physical henge on when I'm going to show skin to the world...makes it impossible to feel them. Hadn't thought I'd be doing it today, though, and I'd rather save the chakra."

"They...they did that to you? And you never fought back? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"They probably would have killed me if they thought it could be done, but I heal a little too fast for them to keep up...and I'll be honest, I deserved it. My legs are a lot worse off, because there's no vital organs."

"So...wait. You were subject to mob judgement, you got scarred beyond your ability to heal yourself, and you're trying to convince me to come back to Konoha?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it does make you sound kind of silly. Might just be the two years I have on you, though. I didn't get held back twice to get outsmarted by someone younger than me! Except Shikamaru, that dude's got like...sixteen eggs in his dozen. Fuckin' bizarre. At least I'm honest about being short one or two!"

"Yeah, yeah, mister super-duper senior. You're the only one that's ever happened to, you know that?"

"...that makes me feel bad, Sasuke. At least when we were punching each other you weren't insulting me. Come back home with me, please?"

"You know why I can't, Naruto! No amount of pity for you is going to make me! I have to kill my brother, I have to avenge my clan! Killing the person most important to me is how to evolve the Sharingan into its Mangekyou form, and that's...you."

"Touching as that is, you're lying. Itachi is more important to you than I am, or else you wouldn't still be going on this quest for vengeance. If I mattered more, if Sakura or Kakashi mattered more, if anyone in Konoha mattered more, then it would have been enough for you to give up! It would have been enough for you to stay with us! And if I really am that important, if any of us are that important, then you're not the one in control of your actions! That damn seal is!"

That announcement hit Sasuke like a ton of bricks; for someone who was supposed to be an idiot, stupid enough to have failed to graduate from what amounted to civilian middle school twice, it made an unfortunate amount of sense. Hate and anger were just as much about passion as romance and friendship, which meant either his hate for Itachi outweighed the strength of his brotherhood with Naruto, or Orochimaru's seal was making him do something that he would otherwise never have done.

"Choose who you care about more, Sasuke. Itachi, or the village. If you turn around and walk away right now, you'll be just like him. If you come back with me, it all gets blown off as a kidnapping, only Team Seven will know the truth unless Sakura decides to open her mouth. You don't have to become Itachi to beat him!"

"...fine." Sasuke finally said. "But in exchange, you're going to help me train to kill him."

"Whatever you say, pal."

"Naruto! Sasuke!"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto said.

"I see you were successful, Naruto...and you too, Sasuke, for resisting the seal."

"Kakashi..." A newcomer said. It was Jiraiya, carrying a girl on his back. "...are you telling me that you willingly left a curse seal rampant, when it has the ability to manipulate a person's thoughts, because you wanted to train Sasuke without my interference?" His tone was dark. "I won't deny that I'm glad it gave me the freedom to teach Naruto, but that's still a very severe lapse in judgement."

"I didn't know the full extent of its power over Sasuke...it was an honest mistake, Jiraiya. You know me better than to insinuate I would sabotage the growth of my student."

"She's a member of the Sound Four." Naruto pointed to the girl on Jiraiya's back, interrupting the older ninja. "She fought Shikamaru."

"Her name is Kitamon no Tayuya." Sasuke added. "One of Orochimaru's personal guards. I'm guessing the other three are dead?"

"Yeah. Not in ways I want to describe, either." Jiraiya confirmed. "Now...we should get out of here, and I'm going to take a look at those seals when we get back to Konoha. Yours and hers."

There was no room for argument, and the four men took off running.

"...all of them dead, and no sign of Sasuke?"

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama. Unfortunately, it seems that Naruto was able to overpower the seal by leveraging his friendship with Sasuke."

"I see. Well, then...failure is failure, I suppose, but more is learned from failure than success." Orochimaru grimaced, despite those hopeful words. In the main chamber of his torch-lit base, he sat upon the Basilisk Throne and thought.

The Byahebi's hands were bridged in front of him, elbows resting on the arms of his chair.

"Now I know that I need to modify the seals further in the future...disobedience is a terrible crime, especially to refuse the strength of one of the Sannin. It's almost like he was ungrateful for the gift I showed him!"

A grass snake coiled around his arm, sliding around the appendage in order to keep the bandages on tightly.

"Well, let's move on. There's no use in dwelling over what could have been, after all."

The White Snake was coiled, and waiting to strike again.

"Chunin, Uzumaki Naruto and Nara Shikamaru. Genin, Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Neji, Akimichi Chouji. Congratulations." The Godaime Hokage, Tsunade, said, addressing most of the people in the room. "Thanks to you, not only have Orochimaru's personal guard been dealt with, but you kept Sasuke Uchiha from being kidnapped by Otogakure. The village owes you a debt it can't repay. All I can offer are standard mission rewards, and my own personal thanks."

"A mission is a mission. You don't owe us anything, obaa-chan." Naruto grinned cheekily, deftly ducking the book that she threw at him. "Oh, come on, I was respectful! Mostly!"

"Naruto..." Shikamaru drawled, his ponytail waving as he shook his head. "You never learn, do you?"

"Nah. You're the smart one, Shika. I just hit stuff."

"And get hit by stuff, if those marks are any indication. The hell happened to you?" Kiba said, edging closer. "Did you cross some ronin trying to practice his Thousand Cuts technique?"

"...I'd rather not talk about it. Let's get back to the topic at hand."

"Jiraiya is dealing with Sasuke and the retrieved Oto kunoichi." Tsunade said, her voice calm enough to disguise the rage she felt at the realization of what had happened to Naruto in his childhood.

She and Jiraiya never should have left the boy alone in Konoha. Her sensei had meant well, but Hiruzen Sarutobi had held the position of Hokage before her; he was never going to be there, at any specific time, for one child in a village of thousands, even if most of them weren't shinobi clans. Hell, having a child around would have made either one of them ten times more stable than they had been...but there was no point in thinking about the past.

"Dismissed, except for Naruto."

The younger ninja, and Kakashi, left the room quickly.

"Why me?"

"You and I are going to go see Jiraiya and that girl, Tayuya. Follow me."

The hospital room was secluded, almost elusive, and for good reason. There was a seven-layered Genjutsu shrouding the route, which was one of Naruto's weakest abilities. Once they were inside the room, however, the illusion dissipated and full consciousness returned to his mind.

"Are you healed?" Tsunade asked the bedridden redhead.

"Yeah." Tayuya kept her eyes closed. "Thanks."

"It's not an issue." The blonde woman said. "However, that does mean that you won't be able to stay in the hospital after tomorrow morning's discharge comes through. What are you going to do?"

"That's my question. By all rights, I should be dead. To Orochimaru, I probably am dead. If I go back there, it'll just mean torture until I'm too fuckin' used to the pain to scream anymore...Kabuto is good at making people scream. And you...I'm expecting an interrogation session, and a goddamn execution. That's what anyone else would do to an enemy they'd captured. Shit, it's what I would do to me."

"You swear a lot, you know that?" Naruto observed

"Shut it, piss-for-brains. It's a goddamn defense mechanism." Tayuya bit back.

"Hey, just because my hair is yellow-"

"Yellow as piss, you nimrod." The redhead cut Naruto off as she insulted him.

Tsunade laughed.

"Obaa-chan?" Naruto asked.

"She's just saying all the things I can't bring myself to, since I'm Hokage. I like her." The platinum-blonde smirked.

It took Tayuya very little time to piece the puzzle together. "Tsunade? Sannin no Tsunade, the Hokage?"

"Yeah, she's-"

"You disrespect her like that, piss-brain? Fuckin' shit, you're dumber than I thought!"

"Hey!"

"Well, I have an idea now." Tsunade spoke up, in a tone Naruto knew as the 'I'm not going to like what she says' voice. "As a show of good faith, I'm willing to let you live freely in the village; the only catch is that you have to live under the supervision of one of my shinobi."

Naruto had a distinct fear of the words that he knew would follow. In the back of his mind, he could hear a dark laugh rattling amid sewage. Stupid fox, mocking him from a place he couldn't fight it!

"Naruto is unquestionably loyal, and if he tries anything perverted then you have my full permission to act without discretion. No strings. That having been said, you won't be allowed to go anywhere without him shadowing you, and you'll have to follow him wherever he goes. That all aside, I'm enjoying the way you say how I feel. By all means, please continue."

"Obaa-chan...please tell me I'm getting paid for this."

"Oh, hell no." The Hokage was laughing as she walked out of the room. "You're serving your village. Is my gratitude not payment enough?"

The door closed, Naruto still looking at it with one eyebrow twitching.

"She seems nice. A whole lot fuckin' nicer than Orochimaru."

"He's...that bad?"

"Most of us serve him, or served, out of fear. You don't last long in Oto if you start thinking you're strong. Once you do, he starts using you for experiments...and I'm not gonna say another goddamn word about it, piss-for-brains."

"Can you call me anything else?"

"Okay, ass-face."

"...I guess I really was asking for it, huh?"

"I wasn't gonna let that door close on me."

"How come you haven't opened your eyes?"

"It's hard to sleep, so I was just trying to rest. There's still a lot of phantom pain in my legs. Besides, they told me not to ask about the scars. I figure that's easier if I just don't look at you."

"Well, Hokage's order was that we'll be...living together...and you can't exactly do that blind. May as well get it over with."

The look on her face, immediately, was one of horror and pity.

"Sasuke put those two holes in your chest, huh?"

"Tore through a lung. My chakra is strong enough that it can heal me in seconds...but it's not medical chakra. every injury I receive comes with a reminder to do better next time...but look at me, I never seem to learn." Better to leave out the nine-tailed denizen inside of his seal-bearing gut, he reasoned. There was no reason to give that information out so freely.

Not that it would change the fact that most of those scars were brought on by the aforementioned nine-tailed demon, though one or two were self-inflicted.

"You really do have piss for brains, huh?"

"Says the one who had a forest dropped on her."

"Not my fault, that bitch from Suna took out the whole thing in one goddamn attack. That was bullshit."

"Nah, you were just outdone. Her younger brother is even stronger, though...be glad you didn't fight him. He would have made sure you were dead."

"The Ichibi Jinchuriki? I heard he turned Kimimaro into a statue inside of his own little bone forest."

"Yeah, Gaara's strong. I kicked his ass a while back, though."

"Takes a demon to beat a demon, huh?"

"How do you-"

"Oh, please." Tayuya scoffed. "First off, your seal was still active when I saw you after you'd stopped fighting. Second, we all got briefed on potential fights that we might have to engage in. You were first on the list. Had that fuckin' status, 'Kyuubi Jinchuriki,' written in big, bold, red letters. Made the others want to take you out, made me want to let them kill themselves trying."

"Eh, that's fair." He couldn't refute the logic. Jinchuriki were known for being absurdly strong, albeit that most of them had a certain niche where they were most powerful. The Ichibi was strongest in the desert, the Nibi was at a disadvantage in watery areas, and so on. The Kyuubi, however, was a jack of all trades in that regard. While it might lose to the other Biju in the terrain where they were strongest, the Kyuubi had no true weaknesses, and was never at a disadvantage. As the Kyuubi Jinchuriki, he was somewhat representative of the Kyuubi's strength, so it could be argued that anyone able to defeat him would be able to defeat any other Jinchuriki.

It would probably make life annoying later down the road, but that future hadn't arrived yet, so there was no point in waiting around for it.

"Do you know my name, too?" He asked her.

"Uzumaki Naruto."

Those two words, his name, said without any malice in them. It didn't matter to her, apparently, that he was one 'special fuckin' snowflake,' as she would probably say. That was the nicest thing that anybody who didn't have to endure his presence had said, even with all the insults she'd given him.

He didn't have to think hard in order to know that was a pathetic thing to be happy over.

"...I tell you what, Tayuya. I'll stay the night here, make sure that you actually manage to rest. No funny business, I promise, no matter how funny a guy I am."

"Whatever you say, piss-brain."

The following silence was peaceful, at least, and Tayuya was snoring within twenty minutes.