Author's Notes:

Hello!

Well, this is it: last chapter! I hope you've enjoyed reading this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I don't write much fanfiction anymore, but who knows? Maybe if time permits, I might dabble in this fandom again.

Also, one last time: please accept my sincere thanks for reading, and the comments/faves. So very appreciated!

And with that, on with the story.

Happy reading!

Cheers,
Kaye

(***)

Retrograde
Chapter 5: Choices

(***)

Magnus watched Jace straighten and tighten the hold he had on his seraph blade. As much as he dismissed the blond Shadowhunter on a personal level, he did trust the nephilim's instincts, and could only assume something was up in the alley. He readied his magic, and the power danced with anticipation on his fingertips. Alec - the real Alec - was in there with that imposter, and while he was confident his magic still held their prisoner in place, he had seen weaker beings get out of more difficult situations. There was no way in hell he would allow any harm to come to Alec, so he was just as ready as Jace to face whatever situation may have arisen.

Not surprisingly, the Shadowhunter's senses were dead on as Magnus heard a slight shuffle come from the alleyway a few seconds later. His eyes searched the darkness, and relief flooded through him when he could discern the familiar outline of his Alec. There were no words to describe how he'd felt when his lover had appeared earlier - healthy and whole. He just knew that he'd had to fight an overwhelming urge to pull the man close and never let go.

"Alec, what happened?" Jace asked, his tone abnormally subdued. "You were alone with that - that fake for over fifteen minutes. I've heard of taking time for self-reflection, but that was taking it to a whole other level."

Alec shook his head dismissively as he neared. "I'll explain later, Jace." He stopped beside Magnus, expression somewhat stunned, and it took a lot of willpower for the warlock not to pull the man into his arms.

"Magnus, I need you to let him go."

"What? Why?" Magnus stared at his boyfriend, startled by the request.

"Please." Had Alec demanded or shouted that one word, Magnus wouldn't have been surprised. But as it was, the softly spoken plea, laden with sadness and defeat, affected him more than anything ever would. He snapped his fingers, and felt his magical bonds dissipate within the alley.

"Thank you."

Magnus gave his lover a slight nod in response. His eyes didn't leave the alley, his body tensed for action should that imposter do more harm. He didn't know what had happened between Alec and their captive, but he hated their prisoner even more now for causing his Alexander to look so ... so vulnerable.

The man walked out almost immediately, his appearance coinciding with the muted 'clink' of Jace's readied weapons. Magnus' magic sparked in preparation for a confrontation as well.

"Alec?" the blond hunter whispered apprehensively.

"No, don't, Jace." Although Alec spoke to stop his parabatai, he also placed a stilling hand on Magnus' upper arm, as if he knew that they were both anticipating a fight. Magnus found reassurance in that touch. He may not know or understand what had happened between the two Alecs in the alley, but he did trust his lover implicitly. And so, he stood down, and leaned into his Shadowhunter to show his support.

The imposter gave Alec a long look - one that Magnus couldn't decipher properly under the spotty streetlights - and Alec returned an assuring nod in answer. Then, their former captive ran off, his quick movements and straight bearing an exact mirror of the lover Magnus knew so well. But before he completely disappeared from view, the man looked back, and in that fleeting moment, Magnus was struck by the haunted quality in the imposter's expression - so much so that his chest constricted.

"What, in holy hell, was that?" he asked quietly. He wasn't sure if he was directing the question to himself in disbelief, or to Alec for explanation, but his boyfriend did give his arm another comforting squeeze.

"Come on, let's go," Alec said, exhaustion now creeping into his voice. "I'll explain on the way home."

(***)

"If you had to make a choice, Alexander Lightwood, right here, right now, would you choose to cut all ties with Magnus, leaving him to enjoy a long, eventful life, or would you choose to spend the next few years with him, knowing you'll live to see him die?"

Alec stared at his doppelganger, and tried to temper the anger and impatience that warred within him at the words. Having been locked up in a room for several days, he was in no mood for games. "What? What are you talking about?" he asked harshly. He didn't care at all for what the man was implying.

But the imposter remained unaffected by his tone. Instead, his gaze was fixed straight ahead, his eyes steady, but strangely enough, unseeing. "Five years from now, tensions between the Downworlders and Shadowhunters will reach an all-time high," he said emotionlessly, as if he were reciting something he'd painstakingly memorized. "On May twenty-third, there will be simultaneous attacks against us around the world. Twelve Institutes will be hit. Four Downworlders here in the city will break through the wards and walk into the New York Institute and detonate a bomb that decimates the entire building. Hundreds of Shadowhunters will die, dozens in New York alone. And we declare war on the Downworlders."

The story sounded made-up to Alec, like the embellished stories one would tell an adolescent to keep his attention. Plus, in addition to how ludicrous it sounded, there was no possible way those events would ever come to pass. "That makes no sense. That would never happen," he reasoned. "Besides, how would you know that anyways? Unless ..."

Realization crept into Alec's mind like a meandering spider, slowly weaving an intricate, convoluted web. It couldn't be, could it? Every logical cell in his brain balked at the idea. The stony expression on his double's face did nothing to confirm his suspicions. But it didn't refute them either.

"You and your siblings will be in Idris at the time," the imposter continued. "But Magnus will be here. He will go to the Institute to help you, but the Shadowhunters there will label him a hostile."

Alec's pulse sped up unexpectedly. Everything this person was saying sounded so far-fetched - a twisted fairytale from a twisted mind - but he had an idea where the story was headed, and even if everything had been made up, he didn't want to hear it.

"They kill him on sight. You ... you never get to say goodbye."

"N-no." The denial left his throat involuntarily. He didn't even want to entertain the thought of losing Magnus. "No, that can't be true. That's just all made-up bullshit. I don't know what your game is, but -"

"I never got to say goodbye."

Alec stopped when his captive repeated the words. It wasn't because he believed the man, or wanted to encourage the lies. No, it was because he was suddenly struck by the haunted, hopeless quality with which the imposter had spoken. Defeated and empty, as if all sparks of life had fizzled into a dying sputter - that was the impression Alec received from his double, and despite him doubting the validity of the story, he wouldn't wish the pain he'd just heard on anyone.

"I'm sorry." That was all he could say. What else was there to say?

His prisoner didn't seem to have heard him. Instead, he remained still, the glassy quality of his eyes making Alec think the man was reliving some horrific memories. "Magnus only went to the Institute because of me, out of concern for me," he finally said, his voice wavering ever so slightly. "If we weren't together, he wouldn't have gone. He wouldn't have died."

"What did you do?" Alec couldn't help but ask. He had wanted to remain impartial during this interrogation - get the information he needed, and then, punish the guy as the Law saw fit - but the man, with his strained tone, was falling apart, slowly but surely, and he ... well, he wasn't an animal. He may not have completely believed the tragic story, but the imposter did, and he felt sorry for him. The Law could wait, at least for a little while.

"I was lost, so lost without him. How long, I don't remember. The days just all blurred together. I pushed Jace, and Isabelle, and everyone away. But then, I came up with the perfect plan to save him. I had to go back in time, and end it - end us - before it got too serious."

"What?" Shit, the man's story had just enough sense to be credible. Yet, a part of Alec refused to accept it. He didn't know why.

"I looked everywhere for a warlock who could make it possible. I looked for months. Some ran away the moment I got close. Some even tried to kill me." A twisted, humorless smile played on the imposter's lips at the recollection, the first actual change on the man's impassive face, but the emptiness of it disturbed Alec. "But I kept looking. I kept looking until I found her."

"Who?"

"Sandrine Dare, a young warlock who owned her life to Magnus. She agreed to send me back."

Alec didn't recognize the name. He wasn't sure if Magnus had ever mentioned her either.

"But not far enough," the man said quietly. "I was supposed to go back to when we first met. You remember that, don't you?"

He looked at Alec just then, that sharp gaze meeting his own dead on. Alec's breath caught unconsciously in his throat. He couldn't explain why. Those eyes, an exact mirror of his own - and yet, not - looked so broken... And Alec couldn't even begin to understand what the man had seen to bring him to that point.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't go through with it. I tried. By the Angel, how I tried. We had all that time together, and I couldn't just ... And our son ..."

"Son?" That startled Alec.

"I had to send Max away. Send him into hiding for his own safety. The Clave would've taken him," the imposter's voice broke, and Alec heard a stuttered breath from the man, as if he were trying to steady himself. "The memories are all I have. I can't give them up. I won't."

Firmness and conviction laced those final words, and Alec wondered if that was what was holding his prisoner together right now. This whole time, he'd gotten the impression that the man walked along a dangerous precipice, held back from the edge by thin thread, and just a mere whisper from falling over into a dark chasm of insanity.

"So what does this have to do with the werewolf?" he asked. The territory into which they were venturing was making him uncomfortable. It played on fears he'd buried deep down, ones he didn't want to admit he had. But Downworlder business, policing Downworlder business - well, that he could handle.

"That werewolf, along with the three others I killed, will be the ones who'll walk into the New York Institute five years from now."

"So you murdered Downworlders for crimes they haven't committed yet? I-I would never do something like that!"

"Wouldn't you? To save everything you love, everything you care about? How far would you go?" The imposter's eyes narrowed, his voice hardening, almost accusatory. "You have no idea yet what you will be capable of, the extremes you'll go to. To save Magnus, to save Max..."

Alec's hand tightened on his bow. The man was right, he conceded grudgingly. He just hoped that he would never be put in a position to find out. Perhaps it was naïveté, or denial, or even an unconscious bid for self-preservation, but he preferred to take this all in as some stranger's cautionary tale, something that would never happen to him.

"I came back with the intention of saving Magnus. But I realized that I'm weaker, and more selfish that I originally thought. Because I ... I can't lose what little time I had with him. Or Max." The night time shadows played off the bob of the man's Adam's apple as he took a moment to compose himself. "I don't know what'll happen now. The attack was global, so it'd be ignorant and arrogant of me to say that I stopped a war. But maybe, just maybe, with these Downworlders dead, the New York Institute might be saved. All I know for certain is that I want to keep my memories of my life with him. They're all I have. And if there's a chance, however small, that I can do that by killing these Downworlders, then I'll take it."

Hollow eyes, just dark pinpoints of light in the dark alley, held Alec in place. "So, Alec, you now hold your future in your hands. Knowing what I just told you, what are you going to do?"

Alec stood unmoving at the question. He opened his mouth to say something - perhaps accuse the man of asking a nonsensical question - but nothing came out. What the man was saying was bullshit. It had to be. Yet ... yet what if it was true? Could he risk it? Alec's heart twisted at the very thought. What was Magnus worth to him? What was he willing to sacrifice if it meant saving Magnus? His honor? His morals?

He looked over at the alleyway entrance. Even though he couldn't see his lover, he could sense him standing there, just around the corner, steady, comforting, and safe.

Everything.

Magnus was worth everything.

Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he returned his attention back to his captive. The words that came out of his mouth next were emotionless, business-like, as if he were assigning a mission.

"I saw the werewolf heading west, three blocks down."

And with that, he turned away from the man, and walked out of the alley without another glance.

(***)

He should've felt something more.

He looked back at the three shrinking silhouettes, unsurprised by his lack of emotion. This was a different life, a different world, and the Alec who stood back there was a different person. Life and circumstance hadn't yet destroyed him, hadn't ripped out his heart, and killed everything good and beautiful inside him. It hadn't left him nothing but a cold, empty hole inside his chest where he'd once felt so much.

And Magnus ... when he'd first seen him, touched him, he wanted to imagine that it had been his Magnus. It would've been so easy, so easy to slip into this life and pretend all was well. But no, he was different now. He'd seen and lived through things that had changed him in ways he couldn't put words to, and Magnus, this Magnus, deserved better than that. He deserved this Alec, this younger version of himself who was still full of innocence and hope. He could only believe that what he was doing would give them a chance at the happiness that he'd been denied.

"Goodbye, Magnus," he whispered to himself as he refocused on his course. He headed west as he'd been told, and with his senses still enhanced by the runes he'd applied from his earlier fight, he picked up the trail of the werewolf fairly quickly.

He didn't know for certain if what he was doing would affect anything, but he'd been telling the truth: it'd only taken him a trip into the past to realize that what memories he had of Magnus and their time together - of their many firsts, or their laughter and tears, and of Max - were more precious than anything else in the world to him. He couldn't give them up, and he didn't think the Alec here, in this time, would either.

His fate, after he killed the werewolf, was a mystery to him as well, although he could hazard a guess. He'd been feeling a little ... off lately, ever since he'd killed the two vampires. It was as if his mind was losing touch with reality, a momentary lapse that came and went unpredictably. The whole thing reminded him of that movie Magnus had made him watch once, the one about that kid who drove back into the past, and brought a younger version of his parents together. He wanted to believe that he was affecting the future like that kid had because anything was better than what had happened, and perhaps, after all this, everything would just ... cease. Blessed oblivion - if that was his reward, then he'd gladly take it.

He caught up with Newfield about a couple of miles west. The werewolf was shifting back into human form in the darkened doorway of a rowhouse, likely thinking it was safe. He moved quickly, and descended upon the naked form the moment the man shifted back. His seraph blade slipped easily into yielding flesh. He watched Newfield's eyes widen in surprise as he gasped his last breath. The warmth of the blood that dripped from the fatal wound and onto his hand burned his skin, but he didn't really feel it. In fact, he was rather apathetic as the life slowly drained away from the body skewered with his weapon. When that last flicker of life left the wolf, the only word he could find to describe his state of mind was relief.

It was over. It had to be.

He pulled his blade out, and let the body crumple to the ground. He stood frozen, and stared down at his last target.

Now what?

He didn't know how long he remained there - Seconds? Minutes? Hours? - but his paralysis was eventually broken by the clatter of his weapon falling to the cement landing. He looked down at his hand.

He was right. By the Angel, he was right.

For the first time in almost a year, he smiled. He smiled a genuine, peaceful smile as he slowly faded away.

(***)

Alec followed Magnus into the loft with a sigh that was equal parts exhaustion and relief. He shut the door gently behind him, and leaned back against it for momentary support. He was grateful Jace had agreed to hear the full explanation of everything from him tomorrow, and had gone off to do the clean-up Alec had belatedly requested. He could tell that his parabatai had wanted to question the orders because, well, who wouldn't when ordered to potentially hide the body of a dead werewolf? But his brother likely saw the weariness written on his face, and left well enough alone - for now. Magnus, on the other hand, was the one person he couldn't keep anything from, and so, he'd told him what he could on the way home.

"That, darling, would be a far-fetched story if I hadn't seen the evidence with my own eyes," the warlock said as he turned around with his usual flourish. There was that perpetual twinkle in his boyfriend's eyes he loved so much, and upon seeing it, Alec realized how badly he'd missed it these last few days.

Obviously seeing the fatigue in his posture, Magnus moved over and pulled Alec over toward the couch. "Coincidentally, I was just reading up on research I did some time ago about portals, and quantum physics, space-time relativity to be exact."

Alec threw his boyfriend a strange look as he let himself be pushed down onto the sofa. He was sure he'd filed those words away as things he'd never hear Magnus say.

"What?" the man in question protested innocently. "I know, I know, I make portal-creation look easy, but you wouldn't believe the actual calculations that go into it."

Alec chuckled quietly as Magnus sat down beside him with a long-suffering sigh. Then, his lover's expression turned serious. "What it reminded me of was this, Alec: the future is undetermined. The choices we make each day - whether you order a decaf coffee or not, whether you take a shortcut or go the long way - each one spawns an infinite number of realities. The Alec we met, he might just be one of many possible futures. Nothing is written in stone, and we can't know what will happen."

Warmth spread through the inside of Alec's chest as he listened to Magnus talk. He hadn't realized he'd been bottling up the guilt from his earlier decision, but somehow, Magnus knew, and his speech was meant to make him feel better.

And it did ... somewhat. "Did I do the right thing?" he decided to ask. "Letting him go, I mean. I just condemned an innocent Downworlder to death for a crime he hasn't committed yet. That's on my conscience, and something I'll have to bury and live with."

Magnus remained silent for a moment, and Alec experienced a frightening moment of panic where he thought his lover now despised him for what he'd done.

But then, Magnus took his hand, and intertwined their fingers, giving Alec the reassurance he hadn't known he needed. "I can't say whether it was right or wrong, darling. But you did what you thought was right, and I will always stand behind your decision, regardless."

Alec's vision blurred as the meaning of Magnus' words sank in. He was fairly certain it was exhaustion that had caused the tears to form. He blinked them away quickly, and leaned over to give the warlock a much-deserved kiss. Magnus tasted so warm and inviting, but this wasn't meant to be a seduction. No, it was something else entirely, so he kept it short and sweet.

Magnus watched him with heavy-lidded eyes as he pulled back. "What was that for?"

Alec looked away, suddenly uncomfortable. Shit, he always got a bit antsy when it came down to voicing his feelings. "I-I don't know," he started with a small shrug. "Because I wanted to."

The corners of Magnus' lips lifted up into a slow, knowing smile, and his whole demeanor softened. "Alexander, you never need a reason to kiss me," he said as he ran a hand through Alec's hair.

Alec angled his head into the touch, relishing the contact. If there had still been any lingering regret regarding what he'd done, it evaporated in that very moment like a wisp of smoke. To have saved Magnus, to have saved this, he would've made the same choice over again.

"Now, before we do it again," Magnus pointed out sternly as he wrinkled his nose. "You, darling, need to take a shower. You smell horrendous!"

A loud laugh escaped Alec at the remark. He purposely pushed himself against his boyfriend, and gave him another - longer - kiss before making his way to the bathroom, a wide grin plastered on his face. The future may be undetermined, he thought, but this ... this was real. And that was all he could ask for.