Night Visitor

Sleeping... Sleeping... Slee-Oh my god, shut up you stupid phone! Snapping my eyes open for the umpteenth time that night, I glared at the traitorous device that refused to stop its infernal ringing for the last five minutes. All I wanted to do was sleep! Damn it... Why was someone calling so persistently this late? I'm so comfy too...

Sighing in defeat as my cell rang yet again, I reached across my bed and grabbed it from the nightstand. I'm awake now so I might as well answer the person who had so kindly disturbed my sleep. Whoever it was better have a damn good reason for this...

Without bothering to check who it was, I clicked the "talk" button and muttered a greeting to the person on the other end.

"It's about time." Was the asshole's blunt response.

"What the hell, Sasuke? Do you know what time it is?" I mumbled as I curled back into my sheets.

"I do. Do you realize how many times I had to call you before you answered?" Sasuke retorted.

"No, and I don't care." I said. "It's what you get for calling me when I'm sleeping."

"Hn. Let me in." Sasuke said something strange.

"What...?" I glanced at my door in confusion.

Was Sasuke here? As in standing outside the door to my house? Why? A sigh came from my phone and instead of answering me directly, he rang the doorbell. Christ, he really was here! Cursing profusely because now I had to get up, I hung up on Sasuke and stumbled to the door. I unlocked it—I just had to remember to lock it the one time Sasuke decides to show up at an ungodly hour—and swung the door open, shivering as the cool night air hit my bare chest. Ugh, Sasuke you suck!

The raven stared at me for a moment before coming inside. Quickly shutting the door to stop the night air from making me cold... colder, I turned to see Sasuke had wandered off somewhere. Oh, for crying out loud! I messed up my already messy hair even more and groaned. What was up with him? It was weird for him to show up like this. Like, I've known him a long time and I'm pretty sure I could count the number of times this has happened on my fingers. Erm... On another more worrying note, it always meant something bad happened.

Uwah... I guess I just have to deal with it then. Grumbling and expecting him to be in the living room, I only go to my room to grab my blanket because I'm fucking cold. Oh, but lo and behold, Sasuke was curled up in my bed. Whatever. That's fine then. Tiredly trudging to the side the raven wasn't occupying, I crawl back under the covers and sigh softly. Now I could go back to sleep. With that thought in mind, I closed my eyes only to have something freezing press against me.

Yelping and snapping my eyes open, I looked down to find Sasuke snuggling into my chest. My first instinct was to pull away or shove him off me. Suppressing that, my next reaction was just shock that Sasuke was cuddling with me. I'm cool with it, well I would be if he wasn't so fucking cold, but it's really weird of him. I couldn't think of a time he wanted to cuddle with me before. Then I finally calmed down and my eyes softened. I don't know what happened but it must have been bad. If it was like that then I really couldn't complain about cuddling, even if it felt like a human shaped chunk of ice was pressing into me.

"Geez, you're cold." I muttered and wrapped my arms around him.

Of course, Sasuke didn't say anything but I thought I felt him relax against me. Smiling a little, I pulled him closer and desperately suppressed the shivering. I could feel his breaths hitting my chest. Not really sure what Sasuke wanted me to do, if anything, I rubbed his back. At the very least, it should help warm him up. Waiting for him to fall asleep and the heat to return to my body, I just kept rubbing his back and holding him to me.

When the next morning came, Sasuke was practically mute. He didn't say anything, even when I asked him something as simple as what he wanted to eat. The raven wouldn't even speak up to say "not ramen". I even suggested it to get him to say something and he shrugged! Shrugged! Haa... Regardless, I didn't actually make ramen. I'm sure that for all his agreeability right now, he would hate to eat it for breakfast. So, while Sasuke sat in the living room I made rice and miso soup in the kitchen.

Nervously setting everything up in the living room after, I had no idea what to do. Sitting next to him and taking my portion, I mindlessly ate the food without even really tasting it as I sent Sasuke fleeting glances. Why was he not saying anything?! Aah, this was so worrisome. How was I to know what's wrong when I couldn't even get a simple good morning from him. The raven appeared to be ignoring me as he slowly ate everything I set in front of him.

Once he finished, he got to his feet. Eh? What? Staring at him in confusion, I watched him head for... um, somewhere.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

Sasuke stopped and looked back at me. He just stared at me silently for a minute before continuing on his way. What the hell?

"Sasuke...? H-Hey, wait, are you leaving?" I asked in surprise. "You're leaving?! What? Why?"

Even though he hasn't actually said a word, I shouted such things and jumped to my feet. Don't ask how I knew, I really couldn't tell you that myself but I'm sure I'm right. Running across the living room and getting in his way, Sasuke stopped and I stared at him with worried eyes.

"I don't get it. What's going on?" I asked earnestly. "You show up in the middle of the night, which you only ever do when something's wrong, and now you won't even say a word. I don't understand."

Sasuke stared at me for a while before suddenly looking away. It surprised me but it's enough to tell me that he's had every intention to leave me in the dark. That hit me like a ton of bricks. Sasuke liked handling things on his own, sure, but he's never shown up so upset and then not told me what's wrong. I deflated, feeling defeated... Useless. I dropped my eyes and shoulders, not sure what this meant, what I'm supposed to do, or what he needed.

All I wanted to do was be there for him, to help in any way I can so why... Why does he have to walk away like this? Not telling me what's happened was one thing. If it were only that he wasn't ready to talk about it then that's fine. I could handle that but that wasn't a reason for him to leave. Maybe there's nothing I could do, maybe I didn't understand anything, but I'm here for him. I'm always here so why was he leaving?

Then Sasuke trudged forward, trying to slip past me. It crushed my heart to know he could see how upset this made me and just walk away but still! Still! I cared about him. More than anything else, anyone else, he was what mattered to me. So no matter how much it hurt I would do my very best to be there for him. To be what he needed me to be and at the very least, I'm confident the last thing he wanted was to be alone. He wouldn't have come here if he didn't need me. Even if he wouldn't tell me a thing, I'd keep him by my side for his sake.

"Wait! Sasuke..." I said softly and snatched his wrist. "I don't know what happened. I don't know what I can do but... you wouldn't have come here if you wanted to be somewhere else so... so stay."

Sasuke stared silently at me for the longest time and I'd admit I'm nervous. I didn't know if those earnest words reached him or not. An unsettled expression finally overcame his face and he looked away again. He didn't pull away but I could tell he was reluctant to stay.

"If you really don't want to tell me anything then that's fine. I would never force you to but," I somehow managed to keep my voice even, "I don't want you to be alone and I don't believe you want to be either. I'm always here, Sasuke, for whatever you need. If there's something you want me to do then all you have to do is tell me. You don't have to explain anything, just tell me and I'll do it."

Saying all that, I pulled him to me and buried my face in his neck. I squeezed him in my arms and clenched his shirt. I'll do anything so don't leave. That's essentially what I was saying. I'm sure the raven knew that too. It surprised me when I felt him trembling. Pulling back a little, I looked at his face and there were subtle lines of tension as he tried to keep up his blank expression. Sasuke...

Finding a certainty from that reaction, it calmed me down and I looked at him with gentle eyes. His mask broke a little more from that. Releasing my death grip on him but still holding him to me, I pressed our foreheads together. The raven closed his eyes and a single tear made its way down his face. I brought a hand up and gently wiped it away.

That body trembled strongly in that moment and then he was fisting my shirt and hiding his face in my chest. I held him close and rubbed his back, murmuring reassuringly into his hair. This wasn't very much like him but it just said how affected he was by what happened. This guy... No matter how much it may hurt I would always be there for him. There's no way he could ever hope to drive me away or ditch me when he needed me. I'd always put him first, above my own feelings and desires. For him I would do anything.

My raven was pretty perceptive and I'd always believed he already knew that but maybe he didn't. Just those few sentences from earlier were affecting him this much. It was like he didn't understand just how far I was willing to go for him. Maybe he still didn't but that's fine. He didn't need to get all that. He just needed to know I'm here and that he could come to me for anything. As long as he understood that, it was enough for me.

Ah, hey wait! It sounded like Sasuke was saying something. Was... Was he cursing at me? Ngh... He was. He just kept bad mouthing me into my chest. Having him like this was, well, a bit uncomfortable. I got why he cursed up a storm, that he didn't mean any of it, but it was still unsettling to have someone swearing at you so excessively. Ah, but there's nothing I could do about that. This was how Sasuke was after all.

I combed my fingers through his hair in an effort to calm him down. Whether it worked or not I had no idea but he pressed his face into my chest more and that's something at least. Not being able to do anything but stand here with him, I waited for him to calm down. The raven's swearing only stopped when the tension left his body. Now he was calmly resting against me.

I squeezed him to me even more now that he's settled down. There was no change in the raven haired man. It's not that I had a problem with it but it did make me a little worried. Getting no reaction at all left me with nothing to base his current mood on. Though... I guess he wouldn't be letting me do this if he wasn't okay with it.

Then Sasuke pulled away and I automatically looked down at him. Eh? What's with him? He wouldn't look at me. The raven had only pulled away a little, my hands were still settled on his waist, but his eyes kept darting to and fro without any clear destination in mind. Actually, anything but me seemed to be the idea here. Why was he avoiding eye contact with me? Ah, could it be...? Was he embarrassed?

No way, no way! I embarrassed him? I guess it really shouldn't be all that surprising. Of course he was embarrassed. This guy who prided himself on his composure and cold demeanor just got really emotional and cuddly with me. Part of me wanted to laugh at him but that wouldn't be the proper response to this. It wouldn't end well for me either. At the same time, I'm glad he was comfortable enough with me to be like this. I knew Sasuke wouldn't act like this with just anyone.

Then there's a sudden banging on my door. Angry knocking from the sounds of it. I looked up in surprise and frowned in confusion when I heard Sasuke's boyfriend, Riko, yelling on the other side about knowing "you're in here". What the hell? Was he talking about Sasuke... or could he have actually come for me? Ah, but I couldn't think of anything I could have done to that guy. Then I noticed that the raven had gotten all tense again.

"Sasuke...?" I said hesitantly.

I wasn't sure what to say in this situation. Something obviously happened between the two of them and Sasuke was clearly upset. He didn't look like he wanted to see him. What could have happened? From the way Riko was acting you would think Sasuke was the one at fault. Maybe I'm being biased here but I really didn't think Sasuke was the problem. He wasn't acting guilty right now. He looked really, really upset. I'd never seen an expression like this on his face before.

Those onyx eyes looked away again and he pulled away from me. Did I do something wrong? Sasuke turned around and headed for the door. Ah! What was he doing? It wasn't that I didn't think he could handle himself, I knew he could, but it didn't look like he was in any state of mind to be dealing with this right now. Not knowing if I should stop him or not, nor what I would do if I did, I could only trail after him as he went and opened the door with that cold mask back in place.

"What do you want?" Sasuke glared.

"Isn't that obvious?" Riko snapped. "I came to take you back with me."

"...Hmph. Go home. I don't know what you thought this relationship was," Sasuke's eyes narrowed, "or what it entailed you to but it wasn't ordering me around or sleeping with other people."

"What?!" I couldn't help but exclaim in shock.

Sasuke jerked in surprise and looked over at me. He must have forgotten I was here but never mind that. Riko cheated on him? On Sasuke? That was why he showed up on my doorstep last night, why he cuddled with me, why he looked so broken and tried to run off on me? He did that to Sasuke... He hurt him. He hurt Sasuke!

The shock of those words finally changed to rage. I balled my hands into fists and took a step forward but Sasuke got in my way. Jerking to a stop and frowning down at him in confusion, I saw the serious look in his eyes. He shook his head at me. I was slightly surprised by this but closed my eyes and looked away. If Sasuke wanted me to stay out of it then I had to respect those wishes. This idiot wanted to handle things on his own like usual and there was nothing I could—was allowed to do.

Did that sound like an excuse? Maybe it was. Maybe I was being selfish and putting myself first. Was I choosing what he wanted over what was best for him so he didn't get mad at me? That may be the case but I knew he would definitely get in my way if I tried anything. He'd be a physical blockade and I could never hurt him, never just shove him aside so I could go beat up Riko. Wasn't that why he came to me in the first place?

I'd told myself that I would be whatever he needed me to be. I wonder if that was a lie. Right here, right now, was I being what he needed? What he truly needed? Or was I just letting him do as he pleased just so he could keep up the image that it didn't get to him? He wants Riko to think he doesn't care. That he isn't hurt or betrayed. He wants Riko to believe that he just has too much self-dignity to allow this and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. If it doesn't hurt himself in the process.

"I'm sleeping around?" Riko sounds insulted. "Aren't you sleeping with this guy? I don't see what's so great about him. He's nothing special."

Hearing those words, I barely manage to stop myself from retorting back at him. I glared angrily at him instead. Sasuke, too, appeared to be suppressing his anger. He turned his back to me as his attention was brought back to this sorry excuse of a human being. He was no better than the cockroaches! I grit my teeth and silently seethed in the background, forcing my feet to stay firmly planted on the ground.

They got into a minor argument over it, Sasuke not allowing him to accuse him of doing something so awful. Hearing the harsh, untrue words that left Riko's lips was only fueling my rage. At this rate, respecting Sasuke's wishes wasn't going to be possible. As Riko said something so unbelievable that even Sasuke was reduced to stunned silence, I felt myself about ready to snap. That sadistic smirk that promised to say something that would not only cross the line but would hurt Sasuke deeply had me slamming my fist into the wall hard enough to crack the drywall.

The loud sound had both of them looking at me, whatever Riko was about to say cut short. The raven could tell I was reaching my boiling point from one look at me. He made this resigned face that said he knew there was no stopping me. On the other hand, Riko just looked smug. Oh, he was so dead. When I was through with him, I swear...!

Without even realizing what I was doing, I stomped over to him and my fist connected squarely with his jaw as he was halfway through some taunt aimed at me. Oh, I was feeling better already! A rather rare, sadistic smirk crossed my face at the freedom to do whatever I wanted to this son of a bitch! I was so grateful Sasuke had-sort of-given me the green light to take him out.

Riko stumbled back and returned outside and I was more than happy to accompany him. This asshole glared at me and made to come at me. Ha! Fat chance! I caught his wrist and twisted it, making him wince and try to free it from me. At his ridiculous pulling, I decided to let go and he fell back on his ass and hit the floor. I smirked at him and kicked him around some more, leading him out onto the lawn.

When Riko tried to get up again I kicked him with all my strength in the balls. The bastard collapsed on the ground as pale as a ghost. It made me feel really, really good about myself. Normally, I would feel like a real piece of shit for doing something like that. Normally, I wouldn't do it at all. It was such a low blow and it hurt like a bitch but this asshole had the nerve to stick that thing where it didn't belong and I wouldn't care if it got cut off.

Sasuke's pain... It was all this guy's fault! So no matter what horrible thing befell him I wouldn't feel any sympathy or remorse. Riko glared at me, saying some shit about me and acting all tough and shit. He made it out like I had to do that to win. Whatever. As long as he suffered. No, maybe I should beat him up more since he apparently hasn't had enough. I took a step closer to him, murder in my eyes, and he shut up real quick.

"How dare you...! How dare you! You think you can just get away with hurting him?! And what brilliant idea made you think it was smart to come to my place after that? Huh?! you bastard!" I screamed and barely stopped myself from kicking him again. "I swear to god, if I see you anywhere near Sasuke ever again you'll have more to worry about than some bruised balls. No, I would worry about even having them anymore. Now, leave! Get lost! I never want to see your disgusting face ever again!"

I was panting heavily by the end of it and pointing towards the street as I yelled at him. Riko paled at my very real threat and weakly got to his feet before stumbling away. That's right, you shit face, get out of here. As quick as those legs of yours would take you. Still grumbling darkly under my breath, I stomped back to my house only to find Sasuke leaning against the door.

Oh shit! I... I completely forgot he was there. My anger subsided and my face flushed with embarrassment, realizing he heard and witnessed all that. Sasuke looked rather calm about everything considering I just dropped a bunch of morals and threatened to cut his ex-boyfriend's dick off if he ever came around again. I mean, I didn't regret any of it but it was definitely a side of me he shouldn't have ever seen before.

Scratching my cheek sheepishly, I smiled softly at him. Sasuke wordlessly walked back inside and I followed him with my tail between my legs, nervous I'd upset him somehow. I twiddled my fingers as I meekly walked behind him to the living room. Sasuke suddenly turned back to me and I straightened into a pole, caught off guard. The raven frowned at my reaction.

"What are you so worried about?" Sasuke asked.

"Well, um... You... were being so quiet so..." I muttered and looked away.

"...Idiot." Sasuke sighed.

I pouted and looked up ready to retort but stopped short at the smile on his face. When Sasuke saw my stunned expression he frowned and asked what's wrong with me. I quickly "composed" myself and told him it was nothing in a fluster. Sasuke snorted with obvious disbelief but didn't press the matter. Thank god, I didn't know what he would have done if I'd said I was charmed by his smile...

The raven sat on the couch so I plopped down next to him and grinned like an idiot again. He crossed his arms and closed his eyes, leaning into me. I jerked slightly in surprise and looked down at him. What's up with him? He was acting strange. I mean, I knew he'd been pretty cuddly lately but he didn't seem that upset anymore. Okay, so he probably was regardless. Ah, maybe I was just being stupid.

It was really weird though. It seemed like Sasuke was in a good mood, meaning he should be pretty happy right now, so he shouldn't be sidling up to me. Yeah, I know I just admitted that he was probably still upset about his boyfriend. That would be totally understandable but I was pretty perceptive of Sasuke's moods and he dis not give off an upset aura right now.

Then Sasuke made some odd off-handed comment about my little spiel to Riko from before that I didn't think I was intended to hear. Frowning in thought for a minute I finally got it! Why the raven's in a good mood and not upset about his ex... It was because my personality did a complete 180! He was happy that I felt so strongly that I became a sadistic heartless human being when something like that happened to him.

I felt myself becoming embarrassed again. I pulled my legs to my chest and twiddled my thumbs again, a light blush dusting my cheeks. The gesture that was normally associated with nerves had Sasuke glancing up at me in confusion. I pointedly looked away from him, not wanting to see that knowing smirk I knew would appear when he figured out what I was embarrassed about.

I heard Sasuke make a cocky "heh" as it clicked for him and then I found myself on my back with Sasuke straddling my waist. Wh-Wha... What's going on? What... What was he doing? I stared at Sasuke in confusion but the raven only smirked at me. That smirk worried me. I had a bad feeling about this and as it so happened I was right to.

To my extreme shock, my onyx eyed companion tried to kiss me. I was sure I blushed and my heart picked up considerably. I'd admit that yes, I was tempted to let him but I didn't. Why? It was obvious. Simple. It wasn't right. It wasn't for me and it definitely wasn't for Sasuke either. So when his hands wandered my chest and he leaned in close I stopped him.

"Sasuke... No." I said.

The raven blinked when I said that and froze. He abruptly pulled away and wouldn't look at me. The silence was awkward. Extremely so. Then he quickly got off me and tried to leave. Oh god, not this again! I hurried to my feet and grabbed his wrist as I called out to him to wait. Sasuke didn't resist me but he was filled with tension and his back remained the only thing I was allowed to see.

"I'm not going to have a one night stand with you Sasuke. You're too important to me for me to do that. I... I can't do that." I said and struggled with my own feelings for him. "And if you tell me it's not like that then do you honestly believe you're ready to start another relationship? I don't. I don't think anyone would be. I wouldn't. It takes time to heal and I... don't want to be a rebound."

Wait... Oh shit, I definitely just admitted that I wanted to be in a relationship with him! Well, it probably wasn't possible to address the dating thing without at least admitting I would date him so I guess it wasn't that bad. Anyway, Sasuke had some very obvious reactions to my words. The raven clenched his fists and probably his teeth too. His body slowly started to tremble and I could tell he didn't want to be here. Then suddenly, when I brought up being a rebound he swiveled around to face me.

It surprised me greatly. It shouldn't have considering everything but it did. I was worried he was mad at me for a second, winced as I thought I was about to be hit. Instead, I was met with onyx eyes so sad I swear he was about to cry. The amount of panic I felt in that moment cannot be put into words. I didn't know what I would do if he started crying. It was the last thing I ever wanted. I felt like begging for forgiveness and wished I hadn't said so much.

In his eyes were mountains of regret and I suddenly understood how stupid I was. Everything I just said to him was absolutely unnecessary. He already knew that and I just made things worse by saying those things to him. What he'd been doing was running away from his shame and guilt. That's what he was trying to avoid. It wasn't that he didn't get why I said no, it was that he wasn't sure if things were still okay with us. He ran because he was scared of the answer. Damn it! Why did I have to be such an idiot?!

When I took a step closer Sasuke pushed me away. Uragh! Don't be like that Sasuke! One hand still held his wrist firmly and I placed my other hand over the one pressing into my chest. The raven twitched at the gentle gesture and was clearly still worried and overwhelmed. I grabbed that hand firmly and pulled him into my chest. Without holding back, I squeezed him in my embrace and nuzzled his hair.

"I'm sorry. I said a bunch of unnecessary things. I'm such an idiot." I said softly, soothingly. "I said all that 'cause I was worried you were upset with me for telling you no or something. I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from but you already did. Of course you did, you know me too well. I should have known."

"Don't talk like that." Sasuke muttered sadly.

I made a slightly surprised noise but smiled at him. I straightened myself and ran my fingers through his hair. I see, you don't like me talking badly about myself. I didn't expect that. You never complained when I did before. It said a lot about your state of mind. That's fine. It was very touching.

"Sorry, but Sasuke, it isn't so easy to scare me away." I assured him. "You wanting to forget about everything isn't something I would get angry about. Come on, you didn't even do anything right?"

Sasuke made a discontented sound and turned his head away from me, a silent admission of guilt. It wouldn't be fair of me to get annoyed with him over feeling bad about it. I mean, just because I wasn't mad at him didn't change what he planned to do. I wish if I said it was okay it would be enough but I knew better. If Sasuke didn't feel he deserved it, nothing will change. He had to forgive himself for my words to reach him. Still...

"It's okay, Sasuke." I said. "Like I said, I'm not mad. If you need to hear me say it then I will. I forgive you."

I said it anyway. Honestly, I didn't think I would be able to feel good about it if I didn't. There was a part of me that knew Sasuke wasn't likely to be willing to forgive himself until he heard it. With that kind of belief in my head, I'd go nuts if I didn't say anything. The raven sighed after that, in that way of his that said there was no use arguing with me. If I didn't know that meant he accepted my words and felt a little better I would have been irritated with him but since it did I grinned from ear to ear.

The onyx eyed man finally returned my hug and relaxed against me. It took little for me to get him settled on the couch again and, thankfully, my little admittance to liking him didn't come up. I knew Sasuke noticed it because there was no way this guy wouldn't. He wasn't the type to ignore that kind of thing but I think we both knew it wouldn't go well right now. It definitely wasn't the time for this either. Sasuke needed me and my feelings toward him couldn't be properly addressed when he had to grieve over Riko first.

That didn't mean Sasuke would just ignore the fact. While he didn't say anything, he did put some distance between us. It was kind of frustrating really. I knew he was trying to be considerate of my feelings and all but this was what I wanted to do. I didn't know how to tell him that or rather if he would accept it if I do. Not having much of a choice though I gave it a shot. The raven did not look like it made him feel any better about it.

He really needed to understand that it was alright. I wasn't trying to torture myself here, I just wanted to help. I tried talking to him-well no, more like I gave him a long winded speech about how I wanted to be there for him and help and essentially told him not to hold back. Sasuke looked really embarrassed by the end of it and I thought it was really cute. 'Course I didn't say that or else I'd get hit.

I didn't think my sappy speeches got to him this much. Huh... Could me liking him have changed it? Well, I mean, I guess since he took it from a friend standpoint before and now he took it in a romantic way. Geez, I would still want this even if I didn't like him that way. Instead of just saying that though I teased him about it. It was really funny how Sasuke got all flustered about it and attempted to deny it. When I realized he felt bad about it I wanted to hit him. What was he getting upset for? It made perfect sense that he acted differently now that he saw things differently. Especially when he hadn't come to terms with it yet.

"You're dumb." I said abruptly.

"I don't-What?" Sasuke said, distracted from me suddenly not teasing him anymore.

"You're dumb. Really, really dumb." I repeated. "You feel bad about reacting differently? Puh-lease, there's no reason for that. I would totally get embarrassed if you said some sappy shit and I thought you were being all romantical about it."

"…"

"Oh, oh! Have I embarrassed you again?"

"Idiot..."

"I'm doing that a lot. Today is a really good day."

"Moron, shut up."

I didn't care to listen but I was too busy laughing about it to have said any more. It irritated the shit out of him and I got hit pretty hard for it. Sasuke was still embarrassed so his scowling face looked really cute. Honestly, I really wanted to say it. How cute he was but... I didn't. Not because it would get me hit this time. I was worried if the raven could handle it right now. He needed to come to terms with how I feel before I could go saying stuff like that. I'll get a lot of bruises then. It will be worth it every one of them.

As I rubbed the cheek he punched, I looked over at him and grinned softly at him. Sasuke noticed the caring expression and made an embarrassed "tsk" noise and looked away with a scowl. It was something I'd never get tired of seeing. However, I knew he was still upset about Riko and uncertain, maybe even confused, about what to do with me. This was something I couldn't ignore so I tried to reach for him again.

To my delight, when I settled an arm around him and pulled him to me he didn't resist. I held him to my chest and this sad guy curled into me and hid his face there. I caressed his hair and laid down with him. Sasuke stayed like that for hours and even fell asleep on me. I tried to slip away sometime after he did to grab some food but he lightly fisted my shirt and murmured my name in his sleep. It really surprised me and I froze. My eyes darted down to him, expecting him to be awake, only to find his face scrunched up and I felt crushed at the face that looked so sad even in his sleep.

After I saw that how could I even think to get up? I carefully moved back to him and I'd admit my heart picked up when he settled down afterward. His expression smoothed out and he looked so peaceful all of a sudden. That response did unspeakable things to my heart. I swallowed thickly and quickly looked away, happy beyond words that I could do that for him yet wished it wouldn't cause my heart to ache for him so much.

I wanted to do this for him, damned be the consequences, but it could be really hard at times. I'd seen what I could accomplish and it forced me to feel an intense pain every time. A pain of wanting to have him but knowing he wasn't mine. It made me so happy when I could make him smile or sooth away his pains but it would always come with that reminder of how I wanted things to be. There was a part of me that hated that side of me. I wanted to remove the jealousy in me, to crush it, to not feel that way but I did. I'm just grateful that I never allowed it to get the better of me and did right by Sasuke.

What I hated the most though was that I was happy that Sasuke broke up with Riko. Of course, I never wanted the circumstances to be the way they were. He caused him so much pain when he cheated on him but I was still happy that person couldn't make Sasuke happy anymore. I thought, "I might have a chance now". That once Sasuke had moved on then maybe I could be with him, maybe he'd be able to look at me the way he did at him.

I felt like I didn't even have the right to ask because those horrible feelings surfaced in me, like I didn't deserve him. It was terrible and it was true. It was something the raven would probably never know. By that I didn't mean that there was a selfish side of me, that I could have such thoughts, or wish for something I maybe shouldn't but that I hated a side of myself, felt ashamed and so horrible about it.

Whenever I stood at Sasuke's side and he turned to me for help or comfort though I couldn't help but feel like those thoughts and that hatred were unfounded. That he needed me helped brighten that dark place. It told me that whatever thoughts I shouldn't have thought and every feeling I shouldn't have felt had never prevented me from being what he needed me to be. It told me that I'd done right by him and hadn't betrayed his trust. It forced me to acknowledge that if I did tell him he could probably destroy that part of me for good.

It was something he'd probably never know unless, that is, I created a life for us. If he was ever mine I would feel obligated to tell him. I wanted a loving relationship with him, without any secrets or lies, so it would be something that I'd have to tell him at some point. It wasn't something I'd ever burden him with otherwise. There was also the fact that I was scared to tell him. I didn't know what kind of face he would make but I knew it'd break my heart. Even though I didn't know what to expect, at the very least I knew he would be sad. So as long as I could avoid telling him I would.

"What are you crying for?" Sasuke asked.

I nearly screeched when I suddenly heard his voice out of nowhere. My eyes snapped open—when did I close them—and I stared up at him. Actually, scratch that, how did I not notice him get up and lean over me? The guy that was curled up to me before was now over me with his arms on either side of my head and his eyes peered down at me from above with an unnamable intensity. I swallowed thickly and mumbled something unintelligible. Eh... Wait, did he say I was crying? Oh my god, what was I going to do?!

My face twitched a little as I tried to come up with some kind of excuse. There was no way I could tell him everything that was going through my head. The mere thought of it terrified me. After staring at my scared and panicked face for a couple of minutes, with a serious expression that had me sweating bullets, the onyx eyes suddenly closed and the man sighed. He muttered a reluctant "never mind" as he dropped his head back onto my chest and his fingers settled in my hair.

My mind failed to process anything that just happened for a couple of minutes. Then I felt bad after I absorbed it all. Sasuke knew I didn't want to tell him so he dropped it. He wanted to know why I was crying. He didn't want to see my tears any more than I did his. I didn't want him to worry over it nor did I want to keep anything from him but no matter how many times I opened my mouth I couldn't force the words out.

"Idiot. Stop it." Sasuke said.

"Eh?" I blinked in confusion.

"Isn't that what you were telling me when I tried to leave earlier." Sasuke asked in a very un-question like manner.

"Uh..." I was startled by those words.

Even though he said that... I doubted he was trying to say the same thing I was. I got the message though. Despite knowing it'll bother us not to know, it was okay not to say anything. We knew that sometimes we just weren't comfortable admitting to things, that we weren't always prepared or willing. We understood it didn't mean anything if the other party wouldn't open up.

He was reminding me that just like it was okay for him not to tell me that Riko cheated on him and that was what had him at my doorstep so early in the morning, it was also okay for me not to tell him that I was crying because there's a dark part of me that I hate and I didn't know how to fix. I smiled softly and closed my eyes.

"Thank you." I murmured sincerely.

Then Sasuke picked himself up again and stared down at me. I blinked up at him in confusion and tilted my head. What was with that intense look in his eyes? I knew I didn't do anything but he was staring at me with those serious eyes again. Those onyx depths told me nothing as I stared into them, not being able or wanting to look anywhere else. Sometimes when I was with him, looking into those beautiful eyes, I felt like a circus animal and he was my tamer so wrapped around his finger was I.

"What?" I asked because I didn't know how much longer I could take it.

My heart was pounding and I had an insatiable desire to kiss him. Then he sighed again, different from the last time, and closed his eyes. What was that about?

"...Nothing. I'm going to make dinner." Sasuke said and got up.

"Ah! I can make it!" I offered and sat up.

Sasuke waved me off and continued into the kitchen. As I was left behind I pouted a little. After all, I was supposed to be taking care of him so—Wait... It donned on me then. He was worried about me and knew I was bothered by something. Knowing him he must have his own idea of what it was though I knew he must be wrong. The raven would be handling things differently if he knew the truth. My eyes softened and I stared at his back. He just wanted to take care of me too.

In that case, I didn't have the right to complain. So instead I chased after him and hugged him from behind, proclaiming that I wanted ramen. I had to show him that I was better now. After all, if he was going to worry about me then it was my job to do all I could to make it disappear. The raven scowled over his shoulder at me and I was denied my precious ramen just like I thought I would be. I didn't really care but I went along with it anyway, pouting and complaining into his shoulder.

Despite all Sasuke's growling and telling me to shut up I didn't miss how the tension left his body or how he leaned into me in a show of relief. There was no hope of stopping the smile that took over my face in that moment and when the raven turned around to lecture me about my unhealthy eating habits he stopped short. After he stared at my soft expression, he scowled as he understood I'd figured out his intentions. The raven's face flushed in embarrassment and I got hit before he turned his back on me and continued to go about his cooking.

It didn't take away my smile though. I watched him move around the kitchen and not even the vegetables, which I had no idea I even had, managed to ruin my current mood. That dark haired man's back was filled with tension again and I knew it'd be there for a while. Without even thinking about it and with the confidence it'd result in me getting hit again, I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders while I nuzzled his hair.

It took all of a second for Sasuke to be filled with tension in every inch of his body. He froze on the spot but his elbow soon came for my ribs. I closed my eyes and squeezed his shoulders in anticipation of the pain but I wouldn't regret it. It surprised me when I felt nothing because I was certain I felt it coming. When I opened my eyes Sasuke suddenly relaxed again and sighed in a defeated way. What...?

Then I heard him mutter something about me being embarrassing. What? Wait... My eyes widened in horror. I... I... I must have said it out loud! It was my turn to be embarrassed as I realized I'd whispered, "I don't regret it," in his ear. I dropped my face to his neck with a groan and hid it there. Why did I have to say that? My action told Sasuke I never meant to say that and he snorted at me while playfully pulling on my hair as he scolded me.

I hopped back and gave him some space while sticking my tongue out at him. The raven smirked at me and then he ignored me as he went back to cooking. I scowled in distaste at the vegetables. Seriously, where did he find them? I never bought any. I hated the damn things with a fiery passion. There was no way I would ever buy them.

"Hey Sasuke... Where did you get those?" I had to ask.

"Hm?" Sasuke looked over at me.

He saw me eyeing the poison called vegetables with disgust and the goddamned asshole smirked at me in that way that said he wasn't going to tell me anything. What the hell? Did he hide them in my house somewhere? I wanted to rip my hair out. I wanted to tear my house apart to secure it from anything else Sasuke might have done even more.

The raven knew I'd fight him over eating that... that... ugh... Well, he knew so he made sure I understood I didn't have a say in the matter. This was me we're talking about though so I didn't let it go just like that! Ugh, but... I still lost in the end. I wanted to cry. I would have run away if it I thought it would get me anywhere. Damn it, why...!

We sat on the couch and Sasuke calmly ate his dinner. I, on the other hand, stared at the concoction in front of me with a nauseous stomach. Nothing before me was anything I like. I didn't even know what any of it was called! Was this really necessary? There were some foods I liked that were healthy! It was like this guy went out of his way to make stuff I didn't like. Ugh... I never should have let him cook...

An exasperated sigh came from my left. It sent a shiver down my spine. It meant Sasuke's patience was running low. What would he do when it ran out? Oh man, not anything good, that was for sure! I sent a sidelong glance at the raven and could see some irritation rolling off of him. Uh... He might force feed me at this rate. I... I really had no choice, huh? I took a shaky breath and resigned myself to my fate.

My gaze locked on the food and I had to view it as a challenge of my endurance to muster the strength to eat it all. I picked up my plate and my eye twitched with apprehension. Here goes! I closed my eyes and started shoveling down all the food. I think I'm gonna to be sick...! Oh, my stomach didn't feel good. A-Ah...

"You're so cruel..." I groaned. "Why did you make all that?"

"Stop being such a baby, Naruto." Sasuke snorted. "You ate it fine, didn't you?"

"I ate it the only way I would ever finish it!" I protested.

I looked over at Sasuke and saw that stupid smirk still in place. Oh well, at least he was back to normal. Although... I wished it came back without torturing my taste buds but it was a small price to pay for him feeling better. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Sasuke dropped his head onto my lap. He laid on his back and closed his eyes. W-What was going on? Wasn't he feeling better?

"You're in a really good mood today." I laughed as naturally as I could and played with his hair.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted.

Argh! What help was that?! I hated it when Sasuke did that! Come on, how was I supposed to deduce his mood from that? It was so frustrating. Then he opened his eyes and looked away with an obviously upset face. That had me calmed down in seconds.

"I guess I can see why he thought I was cheating on him." Sasuke whispered.

"E-Eh? What are you talking about?" I was shocked. "Hey, don't go making excuses for him!"

"Che. I'm not. What he did is unforgivable whether he thought I was doing the same thing or not." Sasuke scowled. "I just get how it could look that way."

"Whatever, he's just an idiot." I grumbled. "If he had those kind of concerns he should have said something. It's his own fault he felt that way. You didn't do anything wrong."

Sasuke looked up at me and then let out an amused breath. He even smiled a little!

"I guess you're right." Sasuke conceded and sat up.

"'Course I am!" I said.

I closed my eyes as I grinned at him. Then to my great surprise I felt his lips pressing against mine. My eyes snapped open in utter shock. What... What was happening? I froze on the spot as I watched Sasuke kiss me. Oh my god, I-I-I had no idea what to do! His eyes were closed and... and he was kissing me! I... This... What?

Then this confusing guy pulled away and saw my expression. Sasuke smirked and fucking laughed at me! What the fuck?! I was not prepared for any of this! He wasn't supposed to kiss me! None of this was supposed to happen! Oh man and now my face was all red. I was flustered and my heart was doing bad things... Why did this just happen?

"Don't worry, I'm not... relapsing or anything." Sasuke whispered. "It's just something you've always wanted, right? And you deserve it."

"Uh... um..." I couldn't speak.

What the hell kind of reasoning was that anyway! He kissed me because I wanted it?! I knew it was true but come on! You didn't kiss people because they wanted it! That was just be weird!

"Besides you're not just going to let me go again, are you?" Sasuke smirked knowingly. "Now that Riko is gone and I know the truth, you'll make your move as soon as you're confident I'm ready for it."

With those enlightening words, Sasuke waved at me and left. So... What he was telling me was... that he kissed me because he knew I'd go after him eventually. Oh man... I was doomed. This was... bad. If Sasuke said all that then it definitely meant I had a chance. Actually, didn't he essentially just say I could have him in the future? Oh yeah, I was so fucking doomed.