Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, dialogue, quotes, et cetera related to the Twilight Saga are the property of Stephenie Meyer and or the property of their respective owners. Play on lyrics of Constant Craving belongs to K.D. Lang and Ben Mink. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. The original plot is the property of the author. Also this is my fictional version of Forks to help suit the story better and has no reflection on the real town of Forks, Washington whatsoever.

Summary: As the son of a devout pastor, Carlisle was brought up to believe who he is and what he truly craves is a horrendous sin. When a sexy southern gentleman walks into his emergency department, will he continue to keep his true self hidden or will he finally be given a reason to give into to his constant cravings? Carlisle/Jasper. AU/OOC/AH. CPOV. Rated M- for Lemons/Language/Slash.

A/N: A tremendous amount of gratitude to my lovely beta the very talented abbymickey24; if you enjoy non-canon please check out her stories, she's fabulous. A very special thank you to Nic for starting my love of slash, I miss you my dear friend. Also a heartfelt thank you and much flove to my sisters/cheerleaders/partners in crime: Misty, Brandi and Cricket for all their help and encouragement along the way and talking me off the ledge when Eli was becoming too much for me to deal with, sad when you want to smack the shit out of your own character. With that being said Eli's beliefs are not of my own and I had an extremely hard time allowing him to voice them.

Just a heads up: Back in 2014 this started out as a one-shot that took on a life of its own. When I first got the plot bunny to write this it was never meant to turn into a multi-chapter, it was suppose to be just a smutty little one shot. Then Carlisle decided to add way more plot than smut, dang him. This is just the way Carlisle wanted his story to be told, I tried to fight him on it, though in the end he got his way. So I did my best to break it up into chapters and you'll find that they'll vary in length. One more thing, speaking of said sexy doctor; I'm not a doctor nor do I play one on television, so on that note please don't take any of the medical aspects of this story to heart as it's all loosely researched.. Thank you and I hope y'all enjoy Carlisle's story...

Dedicated to Brad Wade; gone, but never forgotten.

~o0o~

~Chapter 1~ Introduction of Dr. Carlisle Cullen M.D. ~ Carlisle's point of view...

Sitting at my desk with a chart of lab results before me, tapping my pen absent-mindedly I stare unseeingly out my office window as a cascade of raindrops chase one another down the glass. The distant rumble of thunder does nothing to pull me out of my rumination as I reflect back on my life.

For the past forty-four years I've spent the majority of my life in the closet. On a few occasions I've allowed a small handful of trusted people to know my true sexuality and they guard my secret well. Being born and raised in the small town of Forks, Washington wasn't always easy. I knew I couldn't come out to my family or friends and if the topic of homosexuality ever came up it was always addressed in a harsh tone. Back then I didn't have the internet to seek out information, there was no such thing as a support group, and I knew I couldn't even trust talking to the school guidance counselor as he was a faithful member of my father's congregation. It was a truly frightening, confusing and down right lonely time in my life.

I lost my mother Carlie when I was six-years-old to fetal dystocia or what is better known as neglected obstructed labor. The doctor on-call that night misdiagnosed my mother's prolonged labor. He didn't realize in time that my baby brother was in the wrong position and was stuck behind her pelvic bone and couldn't be born vaginally. It put too much strain on the both of them, and in the end she hemorrhaged and bled out which lead to my baby brother suffering from asphyxiation causing him to be stillborn. To know now that a cesarean section could have saved the both of them upsets me greatly.

I was utterly devastated when I woke that morning and was told my mother and baby brother were never coming home and they had gone to live with the angels. Their death was taken hard by all who knew and loved my mother. What hazy memories I have of her are filled with love, compassion and understanding. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and was always the first to help when someone was in need and empathetic of others.

My father Eli was never the same after losing them both and grew colder over time. Instead of embracing me as his only son, he kept and continues to keep me at arms length. I know he still loves me to some extent, though he rarely shows it anymore. No matter how callous he can be, it doesn't stop me from loving him; after all he's my father and the only family I have left now.

From the day my father lost my mother he never allowed another woman into his heart; he just deeply immersed himself into his congregation. Undeniably, Pastor Eli Daniel Cullen is a God-fearing, intolerant man with a harsh view of the world. He comes from a long ancestral line of Anglican pastors and I was destined to follow along in his footsteps before the day I was born.

My father wasn't the only one sharing and spreading the word of God, he's only one of many in this little conservative town. Forks happens to be eminently diverse in religion with a grand total of twelve churches to worship in and they all share the same belief that who I am is a filthy sin; a sodomite.

As time passed I realized I didn't have my father's passion for religion or his particular brand of faith. Don't get me wrong I still believe a higher deity exists along with having a strong belief in spirituality. It's just how can I rightfully preach a religion that has labeled me a sinner from my very first breath.

To my father's utter disappointment I found myself interested in medicine after spending a summer with my mother's parents. I revered my maternal grandfather and namesake; Carlisle McCandless and chose to follow in his footsteps right into the medical field to become a trauma surgeon. I wanted nothing more then to save lives and uphold the Hippocratic Oath. With my father's disgruntlement over my career choice I knew if he ever found out my true sexuality he would do far worse then just disown me.

Growing up, I knew for sure by the time I was seven I wasn't like the other boys; I just couldn't comprehend to what extent at the time. I enjoyed hanging out with the guys, catching frogs, getting muddy, swapping baseball cards and doing all the stuff young boys do. Yet, I had no interest in girls or anything to do with them whatsoever.

By middle school I was becoming more confused when I came to the realization that I was truly different. The other boys were smitten and attracted to all the blossoming girls and chasing after them like a bunch of lovesick fools with their tongues hanging out, while I found no attraction to them at all. No I was more curious about the growing bulge in Conner's pants and how when he smiled it made my stomach flutter.

When I reached high school I understood without a doubt that my sexual orientation wasn't the same as the other guys and it terrified me beyond words. There was no one I could confide in and it didn't help matters that we were all brought up with the belief that it was a horrendous unforgiveable sin to lay with another man. I knew if any of my classmates found out my true sexuality I'd be instantly ostracized.

Which lead to my biggest fear in high school, having to spend time in the P.E. locker room; it was always the worst torment of all. I didn't dare raise my eyes from the tiled floor and I'd pray to God my body wouldn't react to the sights of all the naked hard bodies that surrounded me.

The next challenge was dating. Thankfully while the rest of the male students were doing their best to get in all the girls panties I was considered to be the goody-two-shoes preacher's son. The nerdy bookworm that cared more about academics than crawling in-between some cheerleader's legs to get his dick wet. When I wasn't studying I kept busy volunteering at our local hospital, helping out around the emergency response service and doing different community services around town.

At the end of my senior year I was elated when all my hard work had paid off. I graduated with honors and was chosen valedictorian of my class. However, none of that compared to receiving a full scholarship to the University of Washington to study pre-medicine. I was even more ecstatic when I learned that my maternal grandfather had left me a hefty trust fund to pay for medical school and still have enough left over to help me throughout my residency training. Most of all I was beyond deliriously happy that I was finally going to be leaving this narrow-minded town behind me.

My college days were by far the best days of my life. My dorm mate, Liam, was here on a student visa from Ireland. With us sharing a room it didn't take either of us very long to realize we were both attracted to men, even more so to each other. So between classes, studying, volunteering and part time jobs, and behind our locked dorm room door we were all hands, lips, mouths and cocks; we couldn't get enough of one another.

We soon fell in love, shared many firsts together and with the both of us coming from extremely religious families we were more then happy to share the closet together too. Unfortunately Liam had to return to Ireland when his student visa expired. We both knew our relationship could never withstand that much distance, so shortly after our graduation and with heavy hearts we parted goodbye with a tender kiss. We've sporadically kept in touch through email and Skype over the years; he's now happily working at his own pediatrics practice along with his partner, Seán.

I stayed in Seattle and did my residency at the University of Washington Medical Center with the goal of specializing in trauma surgery. I was in the second year of my emergency medicine rotation when I met Peter from the Hematology lab. He was tall and lean, with pale blond hair and baby blue eyes, seven years my senior, openly gay and a sexy sort of cocky know-it-all who was always spouting off some perverted remark.

After several months of ceaseless flirting Peter finally talked me into his bed where it surprised me to find out his personality didn't follow him into the bedroom. Peter was more then happy to allow me to take control and loved to be topped. Thankfully he was also supportive of my choice to remain closeted and did his best to understand my situation. Peter knew I would be disowned if my father ever found out about my true nature and it made him even more grateful to his 'Hippie' parents and their beliefs in free love and self-expression.

Peter and I secretly dated when our schedules would allow for the next three years. We shared some great times and thoroughly enjoyed each others company. Being with Peter was as easy as breathing; but we never truly fell in love.

So it shouldn't have come as a surprise when one day Peter came to me and told me he meet Charles or Charlotte, as she's better known by, at a friend's bachelor party; she was a sweet little wisp of a queen and he fell head over heels madly in love with her at first sight.

I was really taken back at the time of his admission; he went on to further explain it totally took him by surprise as well and he couldn't deny his attraction to her and the way she made him feel. Seeing his utter adoration as he spoke of her was heartwarming and made me genuinely happy for them. So I wished them the best and last I heard they were still happily together and had adopted a daughter.

Shortly after becoming an attending at UWMC, I received a phone call from my father informing me he'd fallen on a patch of ice and broke his hip along with fracturing his leg in two places. An hour later after much debate my father managed to guilt-trip me into moving back to Forks.

Upon my return, I soon realized my father's one bedroom second floor apartment was entirely too small and inconvenient for the both of us to cohabitate and for him to recuperate properly. Thankfully within two weeks we moved into a newly available side by side duplex. I could better tend to him and it still allows us our own personal space, saving what was left of my sanity.

Fortunately when it came time to find employment I found an opening for an emergency medicine physician at the Forks Community Hospital. Within no time at all, due to my credentials and a lack of staff, I was promptly made the head attending of the day shift in the Emergency department and placed on-call in the surgical unit.

On my first day there I met Isabella Swan, better known to family and friends as Bella. She's five-foot-nothing with long mahogany hair, deep brown expressive eyes and curves for days; for a woman I would say she's down right beautiful. She was a registered nurse at the time and we quickly became close friends and over the years more like family.

Bella along with being my right hand and partner in crime is a compassionate soul. She's kind, fiercely loyal, a free open minded spirit who always has some smart ass comment that can both amuse you and irritate you, and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything in this world.

Bella is the only one living in Forks who knows my true nature. Oddly enough it was her older brother Garrett that outed me to her when he came to visit almost eight years ago; some ridiculous thing about gaydar or other nonsense. I wasn't overly attracted to most men, Garrett being one of them. Don't get me wrong he's a good looking guy, but he never did anything for me and it still baffles me even to this day how he knew my true sexuality.

While Garrett was here visiting for that week it reaffirmed my resolve to stay firmly in my so called closet. I was appalled by all the leers and nasty comments by the townsfolk once they all found out Garrett's significant other Sasha wasn't a woman. Bella later informed me that her brother is bisexual although he mostly dates men and the towns' narrow-mindedness was the main reason why he left Forks shortly after he graduated high school.

Over the years Bella keeps trying to persuade me into moving to Florida to be with Garrett. She somehow got the notion I could finally be free to be myself there and no longer have to hide away; she'd plead that she wants nothing more than for me to be truly happy and most of all to be loved. I do appreciate her altruism and tenacity even though she frustrates me when she remains undeterred by my claims that I would never move that far away from my father and I had no sexual attraction to her brother whatsoever.

Bella also understood my need for secrecy as she herself is living a surreptitious lifestyle that the majority of the people in this town would also considered a taboo wrapped up in deviant sin. Much the same as myself her father would never be able to understand her true nature as well; he would look upon it as nothing but abuse and derogation.

Although unlike me she was able to escape to Sequim several times a month to satisfy her cravings. I just couldn't bring myself to try to start a relationship with someone when I was so far in the closet I would need a navigation device just to find my way out. It wouldn't be fair to my significant other and I despised the thought of a one night stand with some random stranger.

There's been many times over the years since I've moved back to Forks where I wanted to stand up to my father and come clean about who I truly am beneath my skin. That what I genuinely crave wasn't a sin and I should be allowed to love whom ever I choose without feeling shamed or ostracized over it, but one look into his austere, blue-gray eyes and I would abjure and continue to live my life under false pretenses.

As if things were not difficult enough hiding my sexuality, for the past five years now my father has been constantly pushing me to court Esme Platt; a sweet, devout Christian woman who taught kindergarten to the local children.

Esme looks at me like she idolizes the very ground I walk upon. There's not a single soul in this town that didn't know Esme was greatly attracted to me and already had our wedding planned out to the very last detail. Almost all of the residents of Forks agreed with Esme and thought we'd make the perfect loving couple, imagining us married with two-point-five kids, the white picket fence along with a golden retriever running in the yard.

My father would happily remind me that he wasn't getting any younger and wanted grandchildren to bounce on his knee and to carry on our family name and traditions. He would do anything he could to get Esme and myself in the same room; the closer we were to each other the better. He'd even go so far as to hint he'd be thrilled to join Esme and I in holy matrimony.

However, the old biddy gossip mill already assumed Bella and I were secretly having some sort of a tryst from the close relationship we have with one another. Add the fact that it was also considered to be scandalous with her being ten years younger then I was an added bonus in their eyes. Bella would joke with me that she liked being my beard and it worked out well for the both of us.

A few years back I even considered for a little while if I should give in and try to live a heterosexual life. I even thought of how Peter was with Charlotte though that also brought me right back to reality when I knew at the end of the day behind a closed bedroom door Charlotte was really Charles and he had the anatomy to match. Plus after being a doctor for many years, I've seen more then my fair share of the female anatomy and I can say without a doubt it doesn't do anything for me sexually at all; my cock would remain flaccid and uninterested and I didn't like the idea of having to rely on Viagra just to get a hard-on to be with a woman. So it didn't take me long to come to the decision that even if I couldn't be true to who I was on the outside I would remain honest with myself on the inside.

It's now been roughly ten years since my last relationship with anyone and I'm content as I could be in my situation. I love my job, have a few wonderful friends and mostly get along with my father.

Even so, my semi-contented existence was turned upside down and twisted sideways the day he walked into my Emergency department. I was taken by surprise when my steps faltered at the mere sight of him; the guy was pure, unadulterated sin. I had no idea who he was or where he came from. All I knew for certain was he was talking to Carmen; the head of Hospital Administration.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him, I was truly enraptured. He was devastatingly handsome with wavy honey-blond hair that hung just past his chiseled jaw. The warmest, soulful mocha eyes I'd ever seen and pale pink kissable lips. His tall, medium build frame looked toned and lithe, and he carried himself with an air of confidence and had the stance of a solider. He was wearing a black suit coat, white dress shirt with black jeans and dark cowboy boots.

Just one look at him and I was instantly hard with a dozen different erotic fantasies suddenly flashing through my mind all starring the sinful man in front of me. I did my best to shake the absurd thoughts from my mind and willed my body to calm down. Just because I was utterly attracted to this gorgeous man didn't mean we shared the same sexual orientation and even if by some miracle we did I knew I couldn't act upon my feelings.

I was soon broken from my amorous trance as Bella hurried past patting me on the back exclaiming we had a bus pulling up with a MVA with multiple injuries. I quickly glanced at him once more before turning on my heels and following her towards the ambulance bay.

Bella greeted me shortly after I was out of surgery with a cup of coffee and was all too happy to enlighten me about my new infatuation; Doctor Jasper Whitlock, a Psychiatrist that just recently transferred here from Houston, Texas and was fresh out of the U.S. Army. She went on to tell me he was thirty-six, single and he'd be working the six-to-six day shift along with us and that he was hired to be the new head of our small Psychiatric department since our last head of psychiatry Doctor McKee left us for sunny California a few months ago.

I went on to tease Bella about being a nosy gossip and she'd retorted by sticking her tongue out at me and saying there's nothing wrong with getting to know your new coworker. I could agree with that as several parts of me would also love to get to know him, up close and very personal, and it seemed work was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

~o0o~

A/N: I hope I didn't bore y'all with the lack of dialogue in this chapter; this is just how Carlisle wanted to start his story and he was persistent no matter how much I disagreed. The next chapter will make up for it when Carlisle meets Jasper. Thank you all for taking the time to read, I truly appreciate it and I hope y'all will stick around for the rest of Carlisle's story. This is being posted today in support of International Day Against Homophobia. The remainder of the chapters will be posted every Friday.