There were nights when neither of them would talk, not even sparing a single glance. They will simply lay on wherever they find comfortable, be it on the floor or the hard mattress, gazing at the ceiling or the dark skies outside, the silence of their breathing prevailing.
He had wings as he squirmed on his back, trying to be comfortable, and although the hunter never saw them physically, he noticed the discomfort the angel was feeling.
So right now, the graceful creature laid on his back, Dean staring at the broad shoulders. It was the night after a horrifying trip, one that included nasty monsters that could've ripped all their throats in mere seconds.
Exhaustion got the best of them, and so that's what it was.
"What time is it?"
"Probably three in the morning." Castiel answered, his voice rough and low.
Within these moments were also the times Dean wondered exactly what they are.
"Why don't you sleep? You need it. Every human must rest for at least-
"I know that." He replied, sounding rather unstable.
"Then why won't you get on with it?" He almost demanded.
"You don't force people to sleep, Cas. Especially not when they're thinking of so many things." The angel was silent as if to ponder on the statement. He sighed, "What's on your mind then?"
Dean bit his lip before speaking, "I'm not sure myself." Another sigh came.
"I would like to help you but if you don't cooperate then it's just pointless."
"Not everything is figuratively logical, Cas. There are things you simply can't say out loud." With that, Castiel turned to face the righteous man, blue eyes watching him intently as if trying to pierce through his thoughts.
"Let's have a deal."
"What deal?"
"When the light is out then you can be yourself. Say anything you want and I'll be silent, then by morning we can just pretend nothing happened." Jade eyes widened, surprised with the proposal. Though it sounded childish, it still made sense, and it might just be what he needed right now.
He just wanted to say what's on his mind for once without anyone judging him or stopping him, telling him it's wrong to think that way and that his beliefs are purely nonsense. He just wanted to be weak for once, to stop being so strong and empty all the time and dig up all the pain and unleash it out of his system.
"I'm just thinking...why me?" He said as if to test the angel, who didn't budge or produced a single sound. Dean sucked his breath and sighed, continuing.
"Just why me." Dean stared at the blue eyes, "Say something."
"That's breaking the contract."
"I want you to say something too. Anything." He pleaded. The angel then looked just slightly away, then he moved his lips as he thought.
"What do you mean by why?"
"Nothing. Just why." Dean clenched the blanket that draped on both of them, "There are so much things that I want to ask, so much 'why's that I don't understand. Just why? Why Sam? Why me? Why you?"
"In my opinion, you're thinking too much." Dean choked.
"Excuse me?"
"I understand where you're coming from but there are simply things we cannot explain. Though, there is a reason. You may not know it, but some people lived because of that reason, some people are safe because of that reason. You may not know 'why' you have to fight so hard, but for whatever reason, you've saved so many people, prevented tragedies and sad endings. So now it simply doesn't matter." Dean was speechless.
"You might not know it, but I think if it's not you, if it happened to someone else, then everything will go wrong and chaotic. It's because you're the right puzzle piece for whatever reason, and that stupid reason is what saved the world and what makes you who you are."
"Cas..."
"Can you imagine yourself living a normal life, unaware of the reality and the fact I exist?"
"No."
"Yes. You will feel empty. You won't feel right, and you will feel worthy. Right now, you are priceless and beyond worthy. No one can return everything you've done."
Although it was close to impossible, and despite the shadows that masked the handsome face, Cas saw the pain in those eyes and the tears that rimmed them as consequence. "Yeah."
"We just are."
"What are we?"
"What do you mean?"
"I just want to know. What do you think you are to me?" Castiel went quiet for a minute. If you had asked anyone but him, they would surely say that he was a companion, a warrior like him - a brother and a friend. An angel who chose to protect a single soul, an angel who had too much heart.
"I'm an angel of the Lord who chose to protect humanity for the greater good, to protect you. You can say that I am your pillar, because I support you. I also push you forward, and although we have disagreed on so many things, we work together as partners." He explained almost perfectly; as if he had written it on the palm of his hand. However, Dean seemed to think differently for he shook his head.
"You just are."
"What?"
"You're just Castiel. The only thing you must know about yourself is that you are loved, and to me, you are important. You're a priority, you will always be part of me." Castiel remained stoic the whole time, but for the first time that night, he smiled helplessly.
"Thank you."
"Sometimes, you just need someone to tell you you've done enough. Someone to assure you that you haven't changed and done the best you can. I'm telling you know that you are Castiel, an angel who have loved, and is loved. That's all."
"And you are Dean, a man who loves his family, and loved back. That's all."
They looked through each other's eyes as they slowly fell asleep. The angel himself have never truly slept, but he almost felt like he needed it, and he followed the lullaby of Dean's heartbeat. It was as if they breathed the same rhythm and dreamt of the same dream, and truthfully they didn't know just exactly what they're feeling.
It was so endearingly peaceful and calm, all their problems draining away and after a long time, Dean didn't have a nightmare, and Castiel dreamt of heaven for the first time.
Sometimes, you wonder the things that have occurred in your life that you don't seem to comprehend. However, at the end of your journey, you begin to remember exactly what your life have been, and all the obstacles fade away and only one thing surfaces as what you have been.
Right now, despite it being a long, tiring and painful adventure - of hunting things and sacrificing one's self - at the end, it might just be a story - the beginning of what destiny really tended to do: To simply fall in love;
and that is all.