DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or the television show mentioned in the notes.

"Would you rather be a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost?"

"... What?"

The Gryffindor common room was unusually quiet that November evening; unusual because it was only 9PM and the Gryffindor Tower was rarely ever quiet, but the large room remained filled with faint chatter nonetheless.

In their corner, at their table, sat the Marauders: Remus 'Moony' Lupin, Peter 'Wormtail' Pettigrew, Sirius 'Padfoot' Black and James 'Prongs' Potter. Remus and Peter were busy doing their Herbology assignments; James was pretending to read whilst subtly glancing up at the Portrait Hole every now and then (or, well, he seemed to think he was being subtle); and Sirius was leaning back in his chair, feet up on the table, doodling on a piece of spare parchment.

"It wasn't that hard of a question, Moony," Sirius replied, looking up from his sketch with a smirk. "If you had to be one, would you rather be a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost?"

"Are... Are you joking? Is this a joke?" Remus asked, genuinely wondering at his friend's mental health.

"In what context?" Peter asked, eyes still on his Herbology text.

"What do you mean, in what context?"

"Well," Peter looked up, "If I was gonna say vampire, would I burn if I went into sunlight?"

Sirius thought about it for a moment before he decided, "No. You wouldn't burn. But you would have to wear black."

"If I was a ghost, could I still pick things up?" James asked, joining into the chat.

"There are ghosts here, James. They can't pick things up," Remus reminded.

"Yeah, but this is all hypothetical. Right, Padfoot?" he asked, looking at Sirius who nodded. "So, then, it's hypothetically possible that I could hold things. Correct?"

Sirius shrugged breezily. "Sure. I don't see why not."

"Well, then. I'd be a ghost," James answered.

"Really? Interesting..." Sirius murmured before he looked to Peter and Remus for their answers to his question.

"Padfoot, why are you asking us this?" Remus asked, still unsure of how they had stumbled into this, quite frankly, ridiculous discussion. The November Full Moon was closing in and he wondered if perhaps that was why Sirius thought to ask that particular question...

Sirius shrugged again. "It just popped into my head and I thought I'd ask. I mean, it's not like we're doing anything important here, is it?" he replied, glancing down at Remus's homework briefly.

Remus stared at his friend for a long moment before he shook his head faintly and returned to his homework, valiantly ignoring his surroundings. A second later, Peter followed suit and went back to his own homework whilst James continued his fake-reading and Sirius finished his sketch.

After a few minutes, Peter startled Remus and James by suddenly asking, "What are the advantages to being a werewolf, then?"

Remus frowned and looked at his friend as if he were crazy. Because clearly he was. There were very few – if any – advantages to being a bloodthirsty monster.

Noticing the look, Peter amended, "I just mean, well, they've all got their advantages, haven't they? The vampire and sunlight. The ghost and its poltergeist abilities. So what's the werewolves'?"

Remus thought it was a fair question, considering the topic, so he looked to Sirius for an answer.

"Alright, then. I'll pro and con it, shall I? Then you can all choose what you would be, yeah?" Sirius suggested, dropping his feet from the table and leaning forward in his chair. "Okay, so. Pros of being a vampire: You could go out into the sunlight, so long as you wore black; you would have a prolonged lifespan; and you would be immune to all poisons and illness. Cons: You would have no reflection, because you'd have no soul; you would crave blood 24/7; and you wouldn't be able to have sex – on account of the whole lack of blood circulation thing."

He produced an untouched piece of parchment and quickly wrote the Pros and Cons of being a vampire on it before he continued.

"Pros of being a ghost: You would still be able to hold things; you could choose whether you wanted to be seen or not; and you would be able to go anywhere you want on Earth. Cons: Well, you're dead, so not an awful lot of company there; you would be stuck in your death clothes forever – so if you died naked, that is how you would be seen forever; and..." He thought for a second. "Ah, right. And no sex – no body means no sex."

James groaned. "Is everything about sex, or lack thereof?"

"Alright, fine. You can have sex, but only through other people or with other ghosts," Sirius edited. "Better?"

"I suppose," James grinned.

"So, these pros and cons for the werewolves, then? And, be careful what you say here, Pads," Remus warned, shooting Sirius his 'Prefect-look' (as James and Sirius often referred to it).

"Don't worry, Moons. This is going to be good, trust me," Sirius winked before he cleared his throat and began, "Pros of being a werewolf: You would have a high pain threshold; you would have better senses – you know, hearing, smell, taste, all that; and..." he grinned roguishly, "... you would have wild, animalistic sex."

Remus choked on air, Peter gaped, James snickered, and Sirius continued, "Cons: You would turn into a big dog once a month, with an unfortunate food preference; prejudice would, unfortunately, be a very common occurrence; and... uh... you would heal very quickly," he finished, looking as if he had accomplished something amazing.

Silence reigned over their corner for a few moments before:

"Wait, isn't being able to heal yourself quickly a good thing?" Peter asked.

"No... I mean, not if you're trying to get out of lessons with a broken arm or something."

James opened his mouth to reply but stopped suddenly.

Remus frowned and turned around in his seat, quickly discovering what had caught his friend's attention. Lily Evans – the love of James Potter's life, apparently – had entered through the Portrait Hole and was headed straight for their table. Remus turned back and glanced at James before he shared an amused look with Sirius.

"Hello, boys," the redhead greeted before she turned to Remus. "Remus, I was wondering if you..."

She trailed off slowly, her emerald green eyes becoming fixed on the parchment now sitting in the centre of the table. A look of curiosity spread across her delicate features and she looked to Remus for an answer.

"Uh, Sirius had a question, and we decided that it need to be thought out more...?" he replied.

Lily hummed and looked at Sirius. "Black, if I may ask, what was your question?"

"Well, Red, I was just wondering what they would be if they had to choose between being a vampire, a werewolf, or a ghost," he answered with a smile. He leaned back in his chair, placed his feet up on the table again, and clasped his hands together in his lap, looking her in the eye. "What would you choose?" he asked curiously.

Lily stared at him for a long moment before she returned her attention to Remus. "Um... ah, right. I remember; I came over here to ask for something," she reminded herself. "Is it okay if I borrow your Transfiguration notes, Remus?"

Remus nodded, "Yeah, no problem." He reached into his bag and fished around for his notes, quickly finding them and handing them over to her.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver! I'll have them back to you in a jiffy," she smiled and turned to walk away. Before she took a step, however, she glanced down at the list again. "And in answer to your question, Black, I would probably choose to be a ghost. Being able to go anywhere and still be able to hold things sounds like a good deal to me. Plus, I'd have an unlimited lifespan, so to speak."

"Interesting choice, Evans," Sirius muttered, glancing at James briefly before he smiled at Lily.

Lily returned the smile, her gaze lingering on James for a moment, before she walked over to her friends who were all waiting for her at one of the large fireplaces.

"Yeah, ghost," James answered, almost immediately when she was out of earshot. "I would definitely be a ghost. It wouldn't be lonely then; not with Lily there."

"Fair enough. What about you, Wormy?" Sirius questioned, looking at Peter who seemed to be in shock that Lily had answered the question at all.

"Uh... I don't know," he replied, glancing down at the list. "I was thinking vampire, but... No, yeah, I'll stick with it. If I had to be one of those, I would probably be a vampire."

"Alright," Sirius nodded and turned his attention to Remus who was leaning back in his chair, quill in hand and squinting at the list. "And you, Moony? Decided yet?"

"Yes," Remus answered, "I think I have. The way you put it, in this hypothetical alternative universe, being a werewolf doesn't seem too terrible. So, in this situation, I think I would probably choose to either be a ghost or a werewolf." His gaze shifted to Sirius, who smiled back innocently. "And what about you, Padfoot? What would you be?"

Sirius met Remus's gaze steadily, silvery grey meeting hazel-amber. There was a calculating glint in Sirius's eyes, one that Remus knew oh-too-well.

"Me?" Sirius asked innocently, but the smirk on his lips was anything but. "No question, Moony. I'd be a werewolf."

Remus narrowed his eyes and hummed, unimpressed. He wasn't going to ask why. He knew where that would lead. Asking why would undoubtedly lead to him blushing and stuttering like a virgin. Because Sirius had that look in his eye. The one that said he wanted to make Remus squirm.

"Why's that, then, Padfoot?" James asked, oblivious to the look in Sirius's eye.

Remus silently cursed James Potter but his eyes never left Sirius.

"Well," Sirius replied slowly. "I'm basically a dog every month anyway. But could you imagine the sex? All wild and unrestrained and passionate." James frowned and Sirius added, hurriedly, "I'm guessing. Obviously."

James was still frowning, so Remus decided to do damage control and retorted, "So it's not that if you were a vampire or a ghost, you wouldn't be able to look in the mirror?"

James snorted.

Peter sniggered.

Sirius chuckled and shrugged.

Discussion apparently over, James went back to his Potions book, watching Lily covertly, and Peter returned to his homework. Sirius reached across the table and picked up the parchment, still holding Remus's gaze. When Remus finally looked away and down at his Herbology diagram, Sirius returned to doodling.

Remus glared at his Herbology text. Both he and Sirius knew that 'wild, unrestrained' sex wasn't always the case. Only when it was close to the Full Moon was sex with a werewolf even remotely 'animalistic'. Well, that was the case with Remus, at least.

He shifted in his seat and stared down at his work unseeingly, his thumb smoothing over his bottom lip distractedly as he wondered how long he and Sirius would have if they went up to the dorm right at that moment.

Glancing up, he caught Sirius's eye and the Animagus nodded faintly. Sirius seemed to have the same thoughts and within 15 minutes, they were both on their way up to their dorm. Remus headed up first and sat on Sirius's bed, waiting patiently for his friend. Sirius arrived soon after and shut the door behind himself, dumping his bag on the floor. He grinned when he saw Remus on his bed.

"Well, hello there, Monsieur Moony," he said, moving away from the door to stand opposite Remus.

Remus looked up at Sirius (for a change) and their eyes met. "Hello, Monsieur Padfoot," he replied.

Sirius frowned at Remus's tone. "What's wrong?"

"That was close," he replied. "Your sex comment. They could have picked up on it. They're not stupid, Padfoot. If you keep dropping hints like that, they're going to figure it out."

Sirius sighed and sat down next to Remus. "Yes, they could have realised, but they didn't," he replied. "You're being paranoid, Re. And, really, would it be so bad if they knew? I mean, I'm about 87% sure that James already knows about us. And Pete wouldn't mind. You're his best mate."

"Yeah, but still... I don't think we should be telling anyone yet, Pads. It's only been a few months, and we don't know where this is even going," he replied, eyes falling to the floor.

Sirius nodded faintly. "I know. I know you don't want to tell anyone yet. Look, I'll try not to make any more obvious jokes, okay?"

Remus smiled, grateful that Sirius understood his need for privacy. "Thanks."

"Hey," Sirius nudged his shoulder, "You want know something?"

"Sure," Remus answered, looking at Sirius curiously.

Sirius scratched his neck nervously and said, "I like you. A lot. I mean, I like you more than I've ever liked anyone, you know?"

After a beat of silence, Remus smiled shyly and said, "I like you too. A lot."

Sirius frowned and studied the werewolf for a long moment, as if he was deciding whether or not to believe Remus. Remus tried not to fidget under the scrutinising grey gaze. Once Sirius was satisfied that Remus really meant it, he grinned and boldly slipped his hand into Remus's. Remus glanced down at their joined hands and grinned before he looked back up at Sirius.

Grey eyes flicked from Remus's eyes to his lips, then back up to his eyes again. Remus noticed this and leaned in, watching as Sirius smirked and leaned in as well.

Their lips met halfway, brushing lightly, before Sirius brought his hand up to cup Remus's jaw and pulled the werewolf closer, effectively deepening the kiss. The kiss was soft and familiar and full of promise, and Remus allowed himself to get lost in it. He lay back on the bed and pulled Sirius with him, untangling their hands so that he could brush his fingers through Sirius's hair.

Too soon, Remus heard the faint chatter of James and Peter as they made their way up the stairs to the dorm. He pulled back and stared at Sirius, at the kiss-swollen lips and the bright silver of his eyes, and he wondered, not for the first time, how on earth someone as amazing as Sirius could ever fancy someone like him.

Pulling away, Remus stood up from the bed and straightened his appearance. Sirius sighed dramatically and sat up before he grabbed Remus's tie swiftly and pulled the werewolf down for another kiss. Remus smiled and pecked Sirius's lips one last time before he rushed over to his own bed and sat down, kicking his shoes off.

Mere seconds later, the door burst open to reveal James Potter and Peter Pettigrew arguing over the merits of Vanishing Ink versus Disappearing Ink. Their debate stopped when they crossed threshold into the dorm.

"Hello, fellas," James greeted, patting Peter on the back before he sloped over to his own bed. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

"No, we were... uh..." Remus stumbled, struggling to think of a viable lie.

Sirius came to the rescue and said, "Nah, we were just talking. About what superpower he would have and why?"

Remus shared a smile with Sirius, grateful for Sirius's quick thinking, and nodded in agreement as James and Peter gave their answers to the new question.

A/N: This idea sprung from the television show Being Human (UK) which is about a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost.

Written: May, 2016
Rewritten: October, 2018