So yeah, I'm back... I guess. Honestly I don't have a lot of excuses for simply vanishing and not updating "Loves Me Not" and "In our own little world" in months, except that I didn't feel motivated and that the second chapter of "Loves Me Not" was starting to become incredibly melodramatic, so I need to figure it out a a way to tone down the melodrama.

Anyway, about this story, believe it or not, I have been planning on writing this one for a very long time, but I only got the courage to upload it now for reasons. This was based on an original story of mine (that probably won't ever be finished), except the tone here is a more humorous one than the original story had. This is going to be a very Assist Trophy-centric fic, where the Assist Trophies are just clones of the original characters, so I can do whatever I want with them without fear of hurting canon.

It was by the time Crazy Hand crashed into the small, crowded auditorium that the Assist Trophies knew they would be forced in for a wild ride. Jeff just let out a sigh and sunk in his red velvety seat as the large, disembodied hand cackled, before making a sudden shift in attitude and gained a more composed stand.

"Good evening, my fellow Assist Trophies," he greeted, his voice rather collected. "How are you in this fine day?"

Crazy earned a few groans of displeasure and protest from the people there, mostly from those who were still new to the whole Assist Trophy business. As for Jeff, being already a veteran, all he did was wonder what kind of shenanigans Crazy Hand planned on throwing them in. That wasn't to say he didn't mind being called an object, oh no. He simply got used to it. Just like he got used to being tossed around in Crazy Hand's schemes.

Such was the life he was born to have in the universe of Smash, but it wasn't as if he didn't have his moments of fun and glory in the battlefield. He could very well leave once this tournament was over, but the paycheck compensated the lack of agency he was forced to adopt in the battlefield, so he just decided to stick around until he had a better plan for his future.

"He he he ha ha HA HA!"

Crazy Hand really needed to stop giggling, though. He wasn't being paid enough to just watch him have a laughing fit in front of everyone in the auditorium.

"I'm going straight to the point with ya'll," the glove hand said after catching his breath. "You know how tomorrow we'll start No Items, Omega Form Only month?"

Again the people who he called Assist Trophies groaned. No Items, Omega Form Only was a month that Master Hand, head master of the tournament they had been participating in as assistants to its competitors, as well as Crazy Hand's older twin, had decided to create in order to see how well the fighters were able to hold on their own and not depend on the chaos and opportunities the items that were thrown at random in the arena would give. That would mean no bombs, no beam swords, no baseball bats, among many other items, were allowed to spawn on stage.

And, of course, no Assist Trophies as well.

Master Hand had basically given a forced one month vacation for all the people and creatures there in auditorium. Could that month be any worse?

"Well, since you're not going anywhere this month, I've decided to make a super fun game for some of you to enjoy and pass the time!"

Of course it could. Why would they think any differently?

"U-Um… What game?" asked Isabelle from her seat in the front roll.

"Aww, I'm so glad to see you're interested," if Crazy had a face, it definitely would be smiling. "I don't have a name for it yet, but I'm sure ya'll gonna have a blast when I explain what it is."

"Crazy, I know you want to have fun, but your ideas are usually not that good," Saki, who sat three chairs behind Isabelle, said. "Last time you decided to have fun on a grand scale, you made the Smashers perform in a musical."

"Sooooo?"

"Crazy, you gave the leading role to Link!" Saki exclaimed. "Link's a mute! We had to get Ike to dub him and perform a duet with himself because they had a number together!"

"Both are superb actors and Ike has a wonderful husky voice and, ah, he's so dreamy. If it were for me, he would have dubbed everyone," he raised his index finger. "But that's not the point here. The point is that I want to play a game and you have to obey me, because I'm in charge of the items and you guys are items, so that means I'm in charge of you and you have to follow my orders."

"What kind of game will you make us play?" Lakitu asked, fearing already for his dignity. Unlike most of the other Assist Trophies, he was cozily floating on his cloud above everyone else. He could fly away and escape, but he would not risk getting caught and get scolded by their clueless manager.

"Well, only a fraction of you can play it and it will be decided through lottery. Basically, I'm just gonna get ten lucky Assist Trophies and throw them in a large house with lots of rooms for you to spend the whole month in. The house will have surveillance cameras hanging around every corner and room possible, so we, people from the outside, can keep a close eye on what you're doing. The only exception being the bathrooms, because ew, who would want to watch that, right?"

"What, so you're going to throw us in a reality show?" Lakitu asked, now a little more interested.

"No, I'm going to throw you in a situation where you have to murder each other!"

There was a dreadful silence that filled the small auditorium, with none of the Assist Trophies knowing the exact reaction for that statement. Shock? Anger? Fear? Perhaps indignation? Maybe all of them combined, they didn't know what to feel first. But in one thing they could all unconsciously agree: Crazy Hand had completely lost it. In any other situation that would be kind of funny, considering they were talking about a guy whose name was literally "crazy", if it weren't for the fact that he appeared to be completely serious about wanting them to kill each other.

"You cannot be serious!" yelled Lyn as she got up from her seat. "We are not going to murder one another in cold blood just because you want us to! We are not some pawns for you to use and abuse for your own sick amusement!"

"Lyn."

"What?"

"Lyyyyn."

"What is it?"

"Lyn, why are you sooo boring? I should have gotten rid of you sooner."

"Like you did with Isaac?" the swordswoman gritted her teeth.

She was stopped by Jeff grabbing her wrist, as if saying that arguing with him was useless. Lyn scoffed in response, but sat back on her chair and sulked.

"For anyone wondering, no, when I say murder each other, I don't mean kill KILL each other. I mean, I still expect bloodshed and violence, but you're not going to die for real, that would be stupid. Once your heart stops beating, your corpse will be teleported back to this hotel and you'll be as good as new."

"That's still not reassuring..." Isabelle whimpered.

"I already asked big bro about this and he said it was a-okay, as long as you all ended up alive, healthy and without any major injuries, and I intend to keep my promise, because I love you guys and I don't want you to die when you're killed," the sincerity in his voice showed no malice at all. That was probably what frightened the Assist Trophies the most. "Except Isaac. That guy has always annoyed me. At least he was fired and good riddance."

"How can Master Hand be fine with this?" Lyn hung her head in despair. "How can he be alright with Crazy Hand using us as tools?"

"Aren't we tools in his eyes?"

"He's wrong! We are assistants, not rag dolls!"

"And to make you people not feel sad and give you more reason to survive besides not wanting to suffer any ouchies, I'm going to give this competition's winner the amazing price of five hundred bucks!"

Of course the mention of money would have perked the interest of the more greedy souls. Though, Jeff would be lying if he said he didn't stop to listen too.

"I'm in!" Samurai Goroh beamed from his seat. "Where do I sign?!"

"Patience, my dear Goroh. As I said, the participants will be chosen through lottery," Crazy explained while he took a small black box out of thin air. "I have aaaaall your names in tiny papers inside this tiny box. I take one and whoever name is written in it will be in the game. Aaaah, Isabelle, can you come over here and help me?"

"Uh, okay," the little shih-tzu got down from her seat and walked towards the front stage.

Isabelle stood by Crazy Hand's side, nervously fidgeting her tiny paws. One look at her and it was pretty easy to tell that she would gladly run away from that place if the opportunity showed up. Crazy placed the box on the ground and carefully took out a piece of paper.

"Can you read the name for me, dear?" the hand showed her the paper.

She shakily took it from him and read the name in a meek voice: "M-Midna..."

"What was that? Say it with gusto!"

"Midna!" she shouted in a startle.

"Dammit!" Midna yelled, slamming the metallic armchair with her puny fists.

"Get over here!"

The imp grumbled something no one could understand and teleported herself to the front stage, shooting Isabelle a cold glare as she stood by her side.

"This will be good," Crazy took another piece of paper. "Next!"

"Phosphora."

"Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me!" Phosphora shouted, furiously biting her polished thumbnail.

"Sucks to be you, blondie," Magnus, who was seated at her left, laughed.

"I hope you get picked so I can kill you first," she snarled and then lazily flew towards the stage.

"We'll see about that!"

That was so not how she wanted to spend her off month! Phosphora could barely stand the idea of being restricted to float around only at the hotel, but being locked up inside a big house was even worse for a free spirit like her. That was SO not fair!

"Such a shame to have such a pretty girl having to go through this… Ha, ha, who am I even kidding? Great to have you here, Phosphora!" Crazy beamed. "Next Assist, please!"

Isabelle's face grew an expression of panic once she read the next Assist's name and for a good reason.

"N-No..."

"What is it?"

"It's me," she whimpered, small tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"Aw shucks, this is bad," Crazy waved his fingers. "Don't cry, love! I don't like seeing you like this! Aw, you're not even a fighter… Er, what should I do..."

"Riki volunteers to go in Belle's place," the Heropon jumped up and down from his seat, waving his two long ears to call for the hand's attention.

"Are you sure about that? There's no turning back."

"Riki, sit down," Dunban scolded and tried to grab one of his frantic ears.

"Riki is sure! Riki no want to see Belle sad, so Riki take Belle's place!"

"Well, Isabelle can always be my assistant," Crazy muttered before pointing his index finger at Riki. "Alright then, we have a deal! Come over here, Riki! Just keep in mind I'm making an exception for you, I don't wanna see any more Assist Trophies offering to replace spots."

Riki bounced his way towards the stage and earned a small thank you from the still teary-eyed Isabelle. Dunban let out a huge and irritated sigh, wondering why Riki decided to have one of his rare moments of selflessness just now.

"Next."

"Waluigi."

A loud and obnoxious laugh could be heard at the very end of the auditorium. "Wah ha ha! Finally, it's Waluigi time!" exclaimed the scrawny, tall man as he got up from his seat and strode towards the front stage.

Yeah, Waluigi definitely was in it for the money. While not exactly a villain, or even an anti-villain per say, he was well-known among the people there for his greed, so it came to no surprise that the purple capped man was thrilled with the idea of gaining money if he ever won the game he was being thrown in.

"I'm glad to see someone's excited! Next one!"

"Lyn."

"This must be some curse. It can't be a coincidence," Lyn muttered under her breath.

"Ha ha, it's funny 'cos you've been complaining the most!" the hand cackled, falling on the ground for a moment and twitching his body as he continued to laugh. "I was kind of hoping you would have been picked!"

"I don't doubt you."

"You're boring, but I love you, Lyn. I hope you have the time of your life!"

"Did you rig this lottery?" she asked.

"Nope! If it was rigged, Isabelle never would have been picked."

"Wouldn't it have been better if you didn't include her name in the list to begin with?" Midna commented.

"Oops, totally forgot I could have done that."

"Oh, for the love of the gods," Lyn pressed the bridge of her nose in annoyance. There was no way Crazy could have rigged the lottery, it was just her awful luck.

Jeff whispered good luck to her, who nodded in return and walked to the front stage with her head up high and her hand firmly gripping the hilt of her sword. While she wanted by no means to start a fight, doing that little gesture usually helped her keep her cool.

"This roster is getting pretty interesting. Next one, if you may."

"Dil… Uh, Dild..." Isabelle squinted her eyes. "Ah, Dillon!"

"Excellent."

"There's no way this typo was accidental," she whispered.

There were a few snickers here and there, but the aforementioned armadillo paid no attention, for he was already too occupied cursing Crazy Hand for him getting picked. No money in the world could compensate the disrespect their boss was giving them.

"Okay, we have seven already. Three more and we're good to go!" Crazy Hand said in glee once Dillon took his place by Waluigi's side. "Isabelle, next one."

"…Chrom?"

"Uh?!" Chrom shot up from his seat. "What's the meaning of this? I'm not an Assist Trophy!"

"Mye he he ha ha! I've included the assist fighters from Final Smashes and stage bosses! It was only fair!"

"Still..."

There was a sudden tension between the Final Smash assistants. All four Mega Men got visibly more nervous, while the gunmen that assisted the Duck Hunt trio murmured nervously between themselves. Only Dunban seemed to not get agitated in the slightest.

Chrom begrudgingly walked towards the stage.

"Ah, goody, we needed more handsome men in this house. Next!"

"Ridley."

There was a loud roar of joy as the enormous purple dragon leaped from the various seats he occupied, ready to take the stage, before Crazy Hand made a stop sign to him.

"Aaaaah, no, no, Ridley's too big, I don't want him," he said. "Isabelle, pick another one."

And just like that, Ridley was forced to quietly sit down and sulk. To think he was actually looking forward to this murder party…

Isabelle took out another piece of paper.

"Tingle."

"Kooloolim-pah! Hooray for me!"

Tingle got up from his seat and skipped his way through the stairs, towards the stage. Apparently the 35-year-old man had no issues with being picked. It probably had to do with the fact that he was almost as greedy as Waluigi and was actually interested in the prize. For some of the people there, having Tingle locked up in the house was pretty much a blessing, since he was known for being pretty obnoxious.

They just pitied the people who would have to deal with him for a whole month. Ridley, on the other hand, couldn't feel more insulted.

"Next one, if you may," Crazy said as Tingle got on stage.

"Jeff."

And it was then when that whole situation hit Jeff like a war hammer. The boy's eyes widened and his heartbeat started to race so much that he feared it would jump out of his throat. Oh, he didn't want to go! He didn't want any part in that masochistic game Crazy was forcing them to play. He had no chances of surviving, he was dead meat from the beginning. All the other Assists there had something that gave them an advantage. Incredible strength, skills, magic... What did he have? Sure, he had a vast arsenal of rockets and explosives, but he was pretty sure he would not be allowed to bring them with him. Sure, he had his high I.Q. and wits, but he doubted that would be of much use when Phosphora could kill him with a zap of lightning bolt.

At least he would be out of the game soon, he was sure of that. He didn't want to die though…

"Jeff, we still have one more Assist Trophy to announce! Get ya behind here right now!" Crazy snapped his fingers.

He would be out soon… He would be out soon… He was going to die, but he would be free soon…

Jeff shakily entered the stage and went to stand by Chrom's side. He received a sympathetic pat on the shoulder from the blue haired prince, but that didn't help in calming him down at all. That hand could be murdering him tomorrow!

"Geez, took you long enough," the hand waved dismissively. "Anyway, Isabelle dear, could you read the last contestant, please?"

Isabelle nodded and took the piece of paper in her paws.

"Ashley."

Nobody said a word as their eyes turned their attention towards the girl dressed in red that sat on the very left of the middle row, as if expecting to see a negative reaction from her. Ashley simply got up from her seat and walked silently towards the stage, her pitch black eyes not even bothering with making eye contact with the people in the auditorium. She had some dark aura that kept some of the people there on edge, not that she seemed to mind. Without any hesitation, she took her place by Jeff's side, who seemed visibly uncomfortable with the young witch's presence.

Ashley simply glanced at him, before turning her attention to their manager once more.

"And I guess that's all! Thank you so much for participating in this game!" Crazy Hand exclaimed in glee, twirling his fingers in excitement. "You have no idea how much this means to me! Everyone who is not important is dismissed. Shoo, shoo!"

The mumbled and quiet chats soon grew into louder conversation as the Assist Trophies that weren't chosen began to get up from their seats and leave, most of them relieved for not being picked, while others were actually disappointed that they couldn't participate and have the chance of winning five hundred bucks. The reluctant selected Assist Trophies (and Chrom) could only watch in envy their co-workers and friends leave the auditorium, free to do as they pleased without worrying about what Crazy Hand had in store for them.

Crazy just smiled at the Assist Trophies in the stage… not that they could see it.

"Are you all excited?" he asked. "Because, boy, I sure am!"

"Crazy, just get to the point," Midna grumbled. "Is it not enough that you're gonna lock us inside a house? The least you could do is tell us the rules nice and clear."

"Always straight to the point!" Crazy Hand exclaimed, shaking his index finger at them. "But I won't be explaining the rules today. For now, I just want you to go do whatever you have to do and have a good night of rest, because tomorrow… Tomorrow it's when the fun begins!"

Jeff could feel the color of his face getting paler and paler. Tomorrow couldn't arrive slow enough.

Ridley, you won't ever get your chance to shine.

Ever.