A/N

I am sosososo sorry for disappearing after such a dramtical turn in the story but finals kept me busy and my beta had sadly to work and you guys for all the kind reviews and the PM's*-*.But I won't bother you guys anymore and here we are at chapter 4..hope it's long enough and I am sorry for a few mistakes..my word program is driving me insane3

~sparktress

Declaimer : I don't own Transformers, I just own my OC Jovis Attinger

Uncountable tears streamed down my face, dripping from my chin on my shaking hands. I still couldn't believe it. This paining feeling in my chest was killing me, like a part of me was ripped out. My heart.

"Jovis?" The therapist asked calmly.

I didn't listened to his questions but I remembered well when they took me to this clinic. The rooms are yellow and besides a uncomfortable bed, two chairs and a table was nothing in this room. Just me and my thoughts.

"How are you today Jovis? Are you ready to talk with me about your problems?" He tried again but I just cried more.

"Yes" I gasped and closed my eyes, I couldn't see anything anyway .

"Hreat…great you speak" He started to write down his new found informations. I don't know what is so special about a 'yes' but he seemed to be happy.

"Do you know who I am?" hlHe asked and I frowned.

"I am upset , not stupid!" I snapped. Lockdown was so right…humans are so pathetic sometimes. Lockdown… I felt how I tensed up and gasped.

"I see you are doing better today …much better. You know why you're here?" He kept writing as I watched him.

"Not really…" I played with this little pink paper bracelet around my wrist.

"Your dad brought you here one week ago, you remember that?"

"Again…I am not stupid! He thought I would do suicide …"

He answered emotionless. "Okay Okay…listen Jovis it's completely normal what you are going through. You grew up without a mom and now…you are confused by your feelings…feelings that doesn't exist." he paused and I felt this burning pain in my throat…I wanted to scream. That he was so wrong! But I couldn't …I grab the armchairs angry.

"You have no idea!"i snapped as he chuckled and lowered his glasses.

"I have every day..girls in your age or even older who tried to kill their self because they thought they found 'the one'. And Jovis I tell you all the same …In your age you won't find the man for your life.."

I press my nails into the armchair. He is so stupid! He won't understand! He CAN'T understand what is going on between me and lockdown. It's more than just a crush, a flirt..hell! It's even more than a relationship.

"You have no….no idea " I cried and wiped my tears with my sleeve .

The therapist just nodded " I do…and you will realize as well..step by step". I saw there was no way out of the situation as I just agreed with him. To be alone…again.

Comfort searching I climbed onto my bed and hugged a pillow , remembered how he once held me. How I felt his spark pulsing and how he stole my first kiss. One single tear escaped as I tried again to reach him through our connection. But with each day that passed by, I saw it fading…

Lockdown P.O.V

I tried to focus on my duties, It was everything for me since eons. But all this confused me so bad that I cut the connection to her, of course just the mind connection. Spark bounds never break…just if you die. Jovis… I still remembered how hurt she was when I told her that it was over. But I had to chose between her and my job, her and the universe. The creators would rip me apart if the find out I sparkbound to a human.

"Lockdown how long you plan to stay here?" asked Attinger as he was standing in my ship and I hand him over the bomb.

"As long it is necessary but since I have Prime…I am leaving now." I snared and had my green optics focused on him. Suddenly I wave a crew member of mije inside, he balanced in his palm this human with the name Tessa.
Normally I would kill her but something …something changed my opinion. I imagined : what if she would be Jovis? Soon Jovis is in her age and …I clenched my fists .
"Take her with you human…I don't need her anymore"

Attinger saw my fists and since he wasn't that stupid he clear his throat "You know our deal Lockdown…."
I hated to be blackmailed by a organic but nodded growling "Very well…"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~past~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was absolute my favorite night. I was looking down at the small and tiny female who was cuddling to me. I made circles on her back and hours just passed by like nothing. I couldn't believe that I was smiling, Me… the cold and usually emotionless bounty hunter. I still remembered how I kissed her and the imagination of having her forever made me unbelievable happy. I wanted her to come with me… find a way to make her immortal. The vibration of my Comlink reminded me that I had as well other duties on earth and so I stood up without waking her up and walked out of her room.

I almost made it out when I suddenly heard something behind me, someone cleared his throat . I turned around and looked down at Attinger.

"Well Lockdown, very well…I want a explanation. And it has to be a very good explanation." He growled and I saw how he frowned angrily. Some may think…I justr need to kill him and all my worries are washed away: no! I needed him actually, he was the only connection to the CIA or this Savoy guy. And finding alone the Autobots is impossible.

I discussed with him almost a whole human hour and he found it out. He wasn't amused or happy at all. Nope, he wanted me to cut this 'sparkbound' but I explained him that doesn't work and so one thing came to another and I gave up.
Finding prime was my biggest job and they pay me so much that I could buy my own planet and give our race a new home. With me as ruler of course.
Attinger smirked "Your decision?"

I had to think a few nano clics and sighed "My job, and you know it."

Attinger laughed "Excellent , and now..stay away from my daughter…you have one chance."

Jovis Attinger
I woke up in the middle of the night haunted by this burning heat, sometimes I imagined I would make my pain less…but the truth was: It didn't. My heart was like a empty glass with a crack, it didn't mattered how often I filled it up…after a few minutes it was back…this emptiness.
Holding my head, I was sitting in the middle of my bed and cried. Next to me was a wall, bright moonlight drew my tinny shadow silhouette in this wall as I wiped my tears and suddenly felt something I didn't felt in weeks. This presence.

Steps came closer to my room as I heard someone discussed with the guards until suddenly the door opened. More bright light from the floor entered the room as I cover my face "Ngh…"

In a second the door fell again shut as I removed the hand from my blue eyes and saw him, covered in darkness. Not even seeing his poison green eyes. He took a step towards my small metal bed as I backed away.

"Stay …away" I gasped and almost cried again.

Of course I wished to hug him, kissing his lips and listen to his masculine voice. But I couldn't, I just couldn't .This pain made me angry, this pain ate my mind.

"Jovis." he came again closer as I felt his spark pulse got higher. I jumped off my bed and leaned against the wall, it seemed like the best place with the biggest distance to him.

"Don't speak to me!" I cried and tried to hid that I was hurt, I wanted to be strong. The strong little 14 years old girl, that just went through hell.

He came directly to me and lay one hand on the wall to my right and the other to the wall on my left side. Looking deeply into my eyes as I sighed and I saw this frown on his holoforms forehead.
"Jovis" he breathed as I felt it on my face and clenched my fists.

"You dare to come…you dare after all you did to face me?" I cried more as he suddenly wiped on of my tears with his thumb and watched it fascinated .

"I had no idea what happened to you, that you tried suicide…" he whispered and focused on me.

"I….I didn't." I snapped as he shook his head "You're lying I see your thoughts, you need to hide them better." He than tried to kiss my but I turned my face away.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped and frown.

He suddenly punched the wall angrily and scream in rage, no guard dared to enter the room. I slowly started to believe it were member of his crew.

"Your father did that!" he mumbled and I needed a second to realize, what he was talking about but it became clearer when he continued.

"I had to chose between you and my job, but I am not stupid! He would have killed me if I chose you so…"

"You said your Job." I whisper and saw the scenario in his head, it maybe was the first time and last time I was allowed to see his thoughts.

"You humans call it love." he touched my cheek and whispered my lips "But love won't describe my feelings for you in the slightest."

Leaning his head down to me I kissed him deeply as he pushed me more against the wall. Feeling his cold lips on mine reminded me … that he was an alien- an alien who played with my feelings but I kept kissing him before I pulled away.

"This was our last kiss Lockdown, because….I don't love you the way I should." I whisper coldly, the crack in the glass was getting bigger as I saw his gaze.

"You're lying" He laughed, maybe a bit insane.

"No Lockdown, you were right …we humans are a pathetic race, thinking we are the smartest…and this is a smart move. Why should I love you?" I kept lying

He let go of me and licked over his lips "Right, why should you" he seems angered as he turned away and walked to the door.

"Lockdown" I whisper and saved his presence in my heart. He looked over his shoulder and I remember well this one tear what streamed down his cheek.

"Yes?"

"Good bye and…. Thank you" I whispered and he wiped his tear away nodding

"Come with me."

" Good bye lockdown, I wish you luck on your ways."

With that he walked to the door but before opening it he turned again a bit to me, wanted to say something but instead left.

Till today I wished to know what he wanted to tell me, till this day I dreamed of traveling with him the universe. Till this day I love him.

I don't know why he lost the fight against Optimus Prime since he had the better weapons, but I believe he felt the same way as me…this pain and emptiness what made him freeze for just a second.

10 years later…

It was a rainy day in Hong kong as a young lady walks down the street to a lonely area, she had golden blonde hair and a black umbrella as she held in one hand a white candle. It took much of her to go to this industry place, not because the dirt was wet or there. No this place, was the place where her boyfriend died.
Confident she walked over to a big wall; the black color around the area reminds her to the big explosion as she puts the candle down and lights it. Looking at the small flam she smiles and blushes.

It doesn't took long until she suddenly hears something behind her, confused she turns around and wide her eyes as suddenly a big robot stood in front of her.

"Jovis Attinger…it's been a while since you saw an alien." He mumbles. His armor was quite impressive but she still sniffs. She didn't knew him.

"How you know my name?" the 24 year old girl asks as he laughs.

"That doesn't matter…my name is Galvatron…and I am here to remind you about your deal with..Unicron." He towers over her before he grabs the squeaking girl.

after A/N , I am not sure if I should stop the story right here, if it's a better end. Please let me know