...

Kindergarten was the first time you met him. His honey golden eyes beaming at you as he asked to play.

…

Looking up at Silvia, your big poppy, you smile up at him. He looks down and squeezes your tiny hand in his. He smiles back, and you feel a sudden burst of warmth in your heart.

He lets go of your hand, patting your shoulder and pushing you towards the entrance of your new school.

"Be nice to the other students, and don't show off all the time okay, Killua?" he smiles knowingly, kneeling down to be closer to your height. He hugs you from behind and you smile again. You should have been put in a higher class, you tested higher. But you and your father both wanted you to experience everything.

"Got it." You tell him, pulling out of his arms and running into the building. You hold a tight grip on the straps of your tiny bag.

A nice looking lady holds the door open for you as you rush by, smiling up at her happily. She smiles back down at you.

Looking around, you notice a lot of other children holding their parents hands or crying into the shoulders of their mothers.

Your mom wasnt allowed to come today, she never would have let you into the building.

Illumi wasnt allowed to come see you off today either, he scares little kids, and it concerns you because you really want to make friends.

You look around at everything and smile, this is nice.

There's a nice lady that asks you where you're supposed to be, and you respond that your teacher is Mrs. Green.

You have no idea where she is.

The nice lady smiles down at you, and asks you to follow her to the classroom. You nod, gripping your bag ever so slightly tighter.

The room she leads you to is nice. The air smells like cookies and you feel warm and happy. There are other children sitting at desks and talking and yelling.

Looking back at the nice lady, (She said her name was Ms. Robin, the school nurse) she tells you to place your bag in the cubby with your name on it. You're is the second to last, and you don't mind.

You thank her for her help and she smiles again, saying its her job and that she has to go now. You wave to her as she leaves and take a seat at the last table left completely open. It's not that you don't want friends, it's just that you're not good at making them.

A few moments later though, a small boy comes running up to the table you're sitting at.

"Hi! My names Gon! Do you wanna play with me?"

…

Second grade is the first time he holds your hand, terrified from the movie youre watching.

…

"Killua, Mito says Halloween is for kids who want to fill up on candy and get sick." Gon informs you, eyeing the bag you hold.

"Then don't accept the candy I offer." You tell him, gripping the bag tighter and smiling at him.

The eight year old puffs out his cheeks and delves his hand into the bag of sweets. You smile at him, placing a sugar coated chocolate on your tongue.

"Milluki got a couple scary movies." this offhanded remark sparks your friends interest, and he stares over at you.

"Like what?"

You grin, already knowing the outcome of this exchange.

Brandishing the DVD case from seemingly nowhere, you place the disk in the player and start the movie. Gons delighted squeals make you smile but his excitement begins to fade as the movie progresses.

The main girl on the screen moves to open the door in front of her, and you hear Gon tell her to turn back.

A high pitched scream fills the room and you suddenly find your hand in a vice. Rolling your eyes, you let him squeeze your hand tightly as the movie progresses, only letting go when the killer is out to jail and the lights in the room turn back on.

…

Halfway through third grade is when he first says he likes you.

…

Mrs. Green smiles as she passes out the worksheets of the day.

"Happy Valentine's day everyone!" she says, and you look down at the paper in your hand. Its a heart shaped word search.

You look at the people around you, girls handing their crushes heart shaped cards and you could honestly care less.

Holidays aren't really your thing. And Valentine's day is no exception.

Your thoughts are broken when a card is shoved in your hands. You look up at the one who handed it to you. Gon smiles at you and your eyes widen.

"You're supposed to give Valentine's to the people you like, stupid." you tell him, trying to hand back the small paper. He only shakes his head and holds the card in your grasp.

"But I DO like Killua!" he says, smiling again before bouncing off and handing out the rest of his cards.

You stare down at the card in your hands in wonder.

He's an idiot.

…

The fifth grade dance is the first time he dances with you.

…

"I'm not going." you tell him firmly, shaking your head when he pouts.

"Please Killua? It's the first dance wed ever go to. Please?"

"What's the point?" you ask him, rolling your eyes when he puffs his cheeks out.

"It'll be fun." He tells you.

You roll your eyes again.

"Why don't just go by yourself then?"

"I wanna go with Killua!"

Your face heats up at that, and you don't know why exactly.

A ten year old Gon stares at you expectantly.

"Fine."

He cheers and takes your hand in his as he drags you out of the room to ask his aunt to take the both of you to the dance.

You mutter "idiot" under your breath. He doesn't hear you.

…

Seventh grade is the first time someone asks you out.

…

"Killua, that girl is staring at you." Gon looks from you to the girl hidding behind a locker.

You know she's staring.

You ignore it.

"Lets just go to math." You tell him, pushing him in the direction of your class.

He nods, unsure, but let's you push him along.

.

She's staring at you again. You notice it long before Gon does. You cant decide what to do about it.

She starts to walk up toward you and you frown.

"Whats wrong Killua?" your best friend asks, and you glance from him to the girl.

He smiles then, and bounces off in the opposite direction.

You mentally slap him upside the head.

"um. Killua?" a small timid voice asks. "I uh. Had a question?"

You roll your eyes and motion for her to continue already.

"I was wondering. If youd like to go see a movie with me sometime?" she asks, looking up at you with big hopeful green eyes.

You scowl.

"No."

You turn to leave and you hear a soft sniffle. Ignoring it, you continue on to find where Gon ran off to.

.

"Why'd you have to be so mean to her?" Gon asks.

You shrug and stuff your hands in your pockets.

"I wasn't interested."

…

your thirteenth birthday is the first time you realize you like him.

…

Silva chooses to hold a party at the house. You've never had a party. But your mother says your thirteenth birthday is one of the most important milestones in life.

Illumi takes it upon himself to invite the entire school over for the party.

Milluki is not amused and spends the entire evening in his room with a large portion of your cake.

Gon is the first person there, and he hugs you tight and says Happy Birthday into your ear.

You ask him what he got you, and he smiles.

"Secret." he tells you.

You huff at that.

.

The party is loud, and you soon find yourself sitting on the roof as everyone enjoys themselves inside.

"What are you doing?" a familiar voice asks. You don't even bother looking over your shoulder. You already know who it is.

"I don't like crowds." You tell him.

You hear him sigh, and suddenly hes sitting next to you.

A box is thrust into your lap and you stare down at it.

"What."

Gon isn't looking at you, but instead at the darkening sky.

"Happy birthday Killua." he says instead.

You stare at him a little longer, watching as his face tints pink and feeling your own cheeks heating up.

You look back at the box and rip apart the wrapping.

The box itself isn't that special. It's a plain brown box roughly the size of your palm.

But when you open the box, you find yourself smiling despite the gift being so childish.

"Did you make this yourself in arts and crafts?" you tease him, taking out the wooden beaded necklace.

He glares at you, but smiles none the less.

When you see him look back at the stars, a thought hits you.

Your heart is beating really fast. The longer you stare at him, the more it dawns on you how much you like this boy.

.

The party ends, and everyone leaves. Gon stays longer to help clean up the mess, but when his aunt comes to pick him up, he waves good bye.

You wait until he's gone to put on the necklace he gave you.

"You haven't opened any of your presents." Illumi informs you. His cold eyes gazing down at you.

"Didn't want to." You snap back.

He's a dick.

You tell your mom to send any stuffed animals you received to your sister, Alluka.

She's not naturally a girl, and the only other family member to call her a girl is your father. Everyone still refers to her as a male. And it makes you angry.

…

The eighth grade dance is the first time you ever get mad at him.

…

He's talking to a Freshman named Kurapika about video games, and you aren't paying attention to anything.

Kurapika mentions something about you, and Gon starts going on and on about you.

"He's like. My brother." he tells the older boy. Smiling brightly.

Your heart clenches in your chest and you bite out,

"I am NOT your fucking brother."

He looks like he's about to cry, and you feel horrible.

But you don't take it back.

You aren't his brother.

You want to be more.

You leave the dance. And walk home.

He doesn't talk to you the next day.

…

The last day of nineth grade is the first time he kisses you.

…

Kurapika has become a large part of you and Gons life.

He's not that bad of a person.

And not bad looking either.

But his older friend Leorio, however, is fucking crazy, you've decided.

The last day of school, the Senior brings a coffee thermos with whiskey in it.

He lets Gon try, knowing full well that Gon has no idea that it's whiskey.

Two large gulps later you have a drunk Gon throwing his arms around you.

Fantastic.

he's giggling. And so is Leorio. Kurapika is mad.

You are so upset that the first time he does it you don't even notice.

It's just a pair of lips meeting your cheek.

The second time, however, he kisses your neck lovingly and you freeze.

You smack him. Hard.

He laughs.

…

New years of your sophomore year you tell him you love him.

…

You are drunk. You aren't much of a drinker but your parents are having a party. And what's a teenager supposed to do when there's alcohol in the house. Drink it of course.

Gon is spending the night since his aunt is going to a friend's house to get wasted.

He's staying away from the drinks.

He's completely sober when you lean over and kiss his cheek and say you love him.

He smiles and you smile back before throwing up on him.

He's still smiling as he goes to clean it all off.

The next morning you pretend you don't remember anything from the night before, and he doesn't say anything.

You aren't sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

…

Prom junior year is the first time he kisses back.

…

You pull at the tie around your neck. It's too right and it's gross. You aren't going with a girl. You are going alone.

You wouldn't be going at all if it weren't for the fact that Gon wanted to go.

Kurapika is there, as a Senior, and he brings Leorio with him.

The school allows this for some reason.

You don't care. You know Leorio has vodka.

Gon wants to drink with you and Leorio tonight. You don't have a problem with this.

He coughs a lot at it. But he's fine.

Drunk. But fine.

You and Gon are stumbling your way to Kurapikas car to wait for him and Leorio when Gon stops.

You stop too, and stare at him in question. Unable to actually say anything.

The next second you move, he's up against a wall and you're pressed up flush to his body.

Your fuzzy brain registers the fact your kissing him, but the rest of you doesn't.

Not until you feel his lips move against yours.

He's kissing you too.

You're both drunk.

The next day, neither of you remember it.

You do, but you think it's a dream so you don't pay mind to it.

…

Senior year is the first time he kisses you sober.

…

The two of you are at his house studing for the ACTs.

He calls out your name and you look up from your text book at him.

He kisses you.

It happens so quick and he's staring back at his book that you almost don't think it even happened.

But your brain knows better. And before you can do anything you slam your book shut. And tackle him to his bed.

You stare him down, trying to read his face. "Hi." He says, awkwardly staring back almost worriedly.

"You just."

"Yep."

"Why."

He shrugs as an answer.

You repeat yourself.

"Why."

His face flushes and he bites his lip.

You stare at where his teeth clamp down on the ruby flesh.

He notices you staring.

"Its a secret." He tells you, smiling again.

You let him go, and don't say anything about it.

Before you move though, you swoop down and firmly plant another kiss in his lips.

No words are said about this.

No words are ever said, but kisses are stolen in the confines of his room. But no words are ever said.

…

Graduation is the first time he says it.

…

You and your entire class cheer, tossing your hats in the air.

It takes a while before he gets over to you, but when he does he throws his arms around your waist and lifts you up.

"We did it!" he screams.

You laugh and tell him to put you down.

"He does, but the moment your feet touch the ground, he kisses you. Hard.

You're in public. Not in his room. You kiss him back, and he smiles.

This is the first time you've ever dared to push your tongue out.

And he pushes his out to meet yours.

You are still in public, and someone clears their throat nearby.

He pulls away from you and smiles at his Aunt.

"You owe me five bucks." Mito tells Gons father, who showed up for the cerimony.

You smile at them both and kiss Gon again. You both still don't talk about it.

"Killua. I love you. So much." He tells you, and you say it back.

You don't need to talk about it.

You never have.

You've both always known.

And when he kisses you again, you smile knowing that this is what you have to look forward to in the future.