24. Scotch

Ianto poured himself a healthy measure of scotch and brought it to his lips with a silent toast to his lost friends. It was a 16 year Lagavulin, deep and dark and rich. Owen had surprised Ianto with it as a gift for his twenty-fifth birthday, and he had been saving it for special occasions only. Remembering the doctor seemed the perfect reason for pulling it out of the cabinet and enjoying a glass or two.

He leaned against the counter and sighed as the strong liquor coated his throat, burning in a good, strong way. It was exactly what he needed, and he felt tense muscles begin to relax. Or maybe he was simply exhausted and couldn't stay upright much longer.

It had been three days since the bombs had gone off, since Jack had disappeared, and Owen and Tosh had died. Three days of pain and loss and constant work, and Ianto still didn't see an end to it. He'd spent the first twenty-four hours helping coordinate relief operations across the city with Gwen, while keeping a close eye on Jack. His lover had seemed more traumatized than any of them, but then he had been buried for two thousand years and still refused to talk about it. Jack had finally sent Gwen home and dragged Ianto to bed before he collapsed, but after a brief kip in the bunk, Ianto had got up, showered, thrown on the spare clothes he kept at the Hub, and went right back to it. There was too much to do.

And staying busy meant he didn't have to think about everything that had happened. He could do his job and set aside the almost debilitating sense of emptiness he felt without Tosh and Owen by his side, doing it with him. He could almost forget that he would never see them again, because Owen was truly gone this time, and they had no more gloves to bring back Tosh. Work, as usual, would be his savior.

With a sigh, he finished his drink and poured another. He eyed the pain pills on the counter and decided he'd take them with a big glass of water once he'd finished his drink and found something to eat. Though he'd been taking something from the Hub, pills Owen had often given them over the years, these were a prescription from the local A&E. He'd injured his shoulder in the first bombing at the warehouse, and though Jack had set it for him, he'd never stopped to have it examined. Once the adrenaline started to wear off, it began to hurt, until Ianto could barely move it. He should have iced it, rested it, anything, but it had been crisis after crisis, and their doctor was dead. Ianto was rubbish at taking care of himself, but he could work through pain like few others.

It had finally become too much, however. Ianto had told Jack he needed to leave early and check in with his sister before heading home for the night, but he had gone to A&E instead to make sure nothing was torn or out of place given the lingering severity of the pain. The joint was severely inflamed, and the doctor had prescribed rest along with the pain pills, then gentle stretching to help it recover. He had also given Ianto a sling to immobilize his shoulder; while he hated wearing it because he couldn't do anything with his entire left arm, he had to admit that it felt good to have the sore joint supported. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't told Jack his shoulder was bothering him; it seemed easier to keep it to himself. Jack was struggling with his own recovery, both mental and emotional, and didn't need to know.

Thinking about his sister, Ianto realized that while he had texted her in the immediate aftermath of the bombings, he had promised to call, but had been too busy since then. He dialed her number before he forgot, then sat down at his small kitchen table with a bag of stale crisps, wishing he had a good pizza in front of him. Mushrooms and peppers, like Tosh had enjoyed.

"Ianto!" Rhiannon exclaimed without even offering a greeting. "It's about time you called. Are you all right?"

Startled, he took a moment to reply. After all, nothing was all right anymore, not with Tosh and Owen gone and the city still recovering from Gray's insane attacks, but he couldn't actually tell her any of that, could he? At least, not the real story. "Hi Rhi," he finally replied. "Yeah, I'm fine. Everything still okay over there?"

"I told you before, we're all fine, nothing happened here. Things are even going back to normal, although people will be talking about it for weeks. How are you?"

"Busy," he replied automatically, then almost kicked himself. His sister thought he was a civil servant. Why would he be busy?

"Too busy to call apparently?" she asked, and he sighed.

"I'm sorry, but yes, it's been busy. Everyone is doing something to help with the cleanup, after all. Even us."

"You should come by," she said. "You sound exhausted."

"There's still too much to do," Ianto said. She raised her voice again.

"Bollocks!" she said. "What does it matter if you haven't got your health, your family? I want to be sure you're okay, Ianto. You said it was chaos that night."

"It was," he said. "But I'm fine, I'm recovering." As soon as he said it, he knew he'd slipped again. He was too tired to care.

"What do you mean, you're recovering?" Rhiannon practically yelled through the phone. "Were you hurt? You didn't say anything about being injured!"

"I wasn't, not really," he assured her, then backtracked. "I hurt my shoulder, that's all. Dislocated it, but it popped right back in." He didn't tell her that it had been dislocated when he'd been caught in an earlier bomb, or that his boss-slash-lover had put it in place, or that it had hurt like hell ever since. "I had it looked at today at A&E. No damage, I only need to rest and take care of it." Which would be hard, working for Torchwood and down two team members, but he had no choice.

"Ianto Jones, you're a bloody idiot," she said, but now she sounded more sad than angry. "Do you need anything? Any help? Food, that sort of thing?"

"Cardiff's still a bit hard to get around," Ianto told her, not wanting her anywhere near the damaged parts of the city. "I'll be fine."

"You'll be here for Sunday dinner," she stated, and he frowned.

"Rhi, I can't just pick up and swan off," he started, but she interrupted him yet again.

"It's Sunday, Ianto. What's there to do on a Sunday? On top of you being injured! You should be home resting!"

"I…" He trailed off. "Fine, I'll be there, as long as there aren't any funerals that day." He let his head fall to the table with a silent groan.

"What do you mean by funerals?" she said. "Ianto, did you know anyone who…well, who died that night?"

He took a deep breath. He couldn't tell her everything, but he could tell her that much, at least. "Yes," he said, his voice quiet. He sat up and took another sip of his scotch. "Two of my coworkers were killed."

"Oh, Ianto," she said, her voice heavy with sadness and concern. "I'm so sorry. Are you sure you're okay being alone right now?"

He allowed a bitter laugh to escape and finished his scotch. All right? Probably not for a very long time. Alone? He was used to that. "It's been hard," he admitted. "But we're getting there. I don't know when the funerals will be, if there will even be one with …" He trailed off. They didn't have a body for Owen, how could they have a funeral for him? And Tosh…Ianto couldn't imagine how he'd survive seeing her laid out, pale and unmoving. He wiped away a tear.

"Of course there will," she said. "And if you need someone to go with you, I'm here for you. Do you hear me? We're all here for you, Ianto."

"Thank you," he whispered. He was startled by a loud knock at the door and swore.

"What's wrong?" Rhiannon asked, sounding panicked.

"Someone at the door," he replied with a nervous laugh. "Startled me. Look, I should see who it is, in case it's one of the neighbors. Ms. Jameson is always coming up with excuses to check on me. I'll call in a day or two, okay?"

"You'd better," she said. "Take care of that shoulder, and don't forget dinner on Sunday."

"I won't," Ianto promised, although he was fairly certain something would come up before then.

"I mean it, Ianto. Don't blow me off. We're family, you and I. Let me help."

"Thanks, Rhi," he said, standing and moving toward the door. Someone was insistent. Ianto half assumed it was Jack, though Jack usually called or texted before coming over. "I've got to go. Say hi to the kids and be careful, okay?"

They said their farewells and Ianto tucked his phone away as he opened the door. He was surprised to find Gwen standing there, Rhys a step behind her and looking embarrassed. Gwen appeared both worried and upset, her hand poised for another hard pounding. Ianto held back a sigh; he'd been hoping to stay home and rest without interruption, especially from Gwen.

"Ianto!" she exclaimed, stepping back and bumping into Rhys. "You're back!"

"Back from—oh right," He remembered his reason for leaving early. "Yes, I got home a little while ago. Is everything all right?"

"Oh, well, yes, only…" She trailed off, looking uncertainly at Rhys. The other Welshman rolled his eyes and stepped forward.

"Sorry, mate. I tried to talk her out of barging over here, but I haven't quite figured out the trick to defusing her yet."

"Rhys!" she said, frowning. Ianto recognized the gentle teasing, and saw that she was too upset to play back. So rather than be short with her, he shook his head and smiled as best as he could.

"It's fine, Rhys. What's going on? Is there an emergency?"

"No, not really," she said. "But have you seen Jack? He left several hours ago, only he didn't say where he was going, didn't come back to the Hub, hasn't checked in. He's not answering his phone or texts, and I'm worried that he might have…or that he might be…" She trailed off, looking pleadingly at him.

It was obvious Gwen thought Jack might have left. Ianto had the same fear, that after all that his brother had done, after losing Tosh and Owen, Jack might leave them again. Call the Doctor, pack up, and leave the planet for good. Ianto would never voice it, and he tried to bury his fear and pretend it didn't exist, but it was there nonetheless; he understood why Gwen was so scared. He shook his head again and invited them inside. If something was going on with Jack, they should probably figure it out in private, and not in the middle of the corridor.

"I've been out most of the afternoon, haven't heard from him," said Ianto as they stood near the door. "I'm sure he's probably just busy, unable to answer …cell phone coverage isn't great right now…or maybe he's off chasing Weevils on his own."

"He's right here," said a voice behind them, and they all turned to find Jack standing in the hallway that led down to the two bedrooms and bathroom. He looked tired and rumpled, his voice low as he wiped sleep from his eyes and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Jack!" exclaimed Gwen. "Thank god! Why haven't you answered your phone?"

Jack shrugged. "Didn't hear it. Maybe it's dead. And I've been asleep…" He checked his watch. "For several hours now. Huh. Everything okay at the Hub?"

"Yes," she said, sounding put out. "Except for not being able to reach you when you didn't come back!"

"Did you need me for something specific?" he asked rather pointedly, and she stuttered to a stop.

"Well, no," she said. "I was worried, that's all."

Jack waved her away. "I'm fine, Gwen. Go home. Get some rest before you collapse too."

Rhys took her arm and nodded. "He's right, love," he said. "You've been going nonstop for days. Let's go home, get a good night's sleep, and you can get back to it in the morning."

"Oh, um," she seemed unsure of what to do now that she had found Jack. Ianto found it both amusing and irritating, but wanted her to leave so he could talk to Jack and find out why he was hiding out in Ianto's flat.

"All right, only…" She paused and scrunched up her nose. "What are you doing here? And why didn't you say he was here, Ianto? When I asked if you'd seen Jack, you said you hadn't."

"And I hadn't," said Ianto with a shrug. He really needed another drink to deal with this. "I had no idea he was here. Why are you here?" he asked, turning to Jack.

Jack smiled crookedly. "Honestly? I wanted to get away, and this seemed like the best place. I thought I'd wait for you to get back from your sister's, then we could get something to eat, maybe watch a film, and call it an early night?"

He sounded unsure now that he was there and in front of an audience. From the corner of his eye, Ianto saw Rhys's eyes widen in surprise. Which was odd, because Rhys had seen them on the dance floor at the wedding and must have known that he and Jack were sleeping together. Perhaps it was different knowing that Jack spent the night at Ianto's, that they went out and stayed in and generally acted like a couple even if neither one of them was willing to call it that.

"Oh," said Ianto, trying to ignore the gaping audience as well. "That sounds good, although I'd rather order in if you don't mind?"

"Perfect," said Jack, beaming brightly. "And while we wait you can tell me why you lied and went to A&E instead of your sister's."

"Ianto!" Gwen exclaimed. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

Rhys shook his head in apparent exasperation. "Look at the man, Gwen. He dislocated his shoulder, remember? Is this the first you've had it looked at?"

Ianto nodded. "And it's fine, really. It'll be sore for a few weeks, but nothing torn, separated, or broken. I'm fine," he repeated, but both Jack and Gwen were watching him with worry and concern.

"Come on, Gwen," said Rhys, taking her hand and pulling gently. "Let's let them rest. We can stop by Tesco on the way home and pick up something for ourselves."

"Unless you'd like to stay?" Ianto offered without thinking. It was the polite thing to do, after all, and it would help stave off the inevitable confrontation with Jack about his shoulder. He saw Jack shake his head, Gwen frown, but once again it was Rhys who spoke.

"Thanks for the offer, mate," he said, "but you're both clearly knackered. You've earned a night off from Torchwood. Take it easy." He turned to leave. "Come on, Gwen."

She looked torn between staying and going. She dropped Rhys's hand and threw her arms around Ianto's neck, causing him to gasp in surprise and a little bit of pain. She squeezed harder than usual and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Be careful," she murmured. "We can't lose anyone else."

"It's my shoulder, Gwen," Ianto told her. "I'll be fine."

She turned to Jack and hugged him as well, though she did not kiss him on the cheek. "Take care of him," she said. "And charge your damn phone."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with a smile. He wrapped an arm around Ianto's good shoulder and pulled him close. "We'll see you in the morning."

Rhys waved at them both as he took Gwen's hand again and they left. Ianto closed and locked the door behind them, dreading what he would find when he turned back to Jack.

"Pizza or pasta?" Jack asked, surprising him by not looking or sounding upset. He simply seemed tired and sad.

"Both," said Ianto. "With lots of bread and cheese."

"Usual?" Jack moved toward the kitchen to use the phone. Ianto followed and remembered his earlier thought.

"No, mushroom and peppers. It was Tosh's favorite." Jack stopped for a moment, glanced at him with a pained look, but then smiled and nodded. He continued to the kitchen and ordered their food while Ianto drank a glass of water. Then he poured them both some of Owen's scotch.

Jack raised an eyebrow and took a sip. "Strong stuff," he said.

"Well earned," Ianto replied. He sat down at the table and started back on the stale crisps. Jack joined him and was silent for a moment, until he finally asked one of the many questions Ianto was dreading.

"Are you really okay?" he said softly. "Your shoulder, I mean. Everything else…well." He sighed and took a long sip of his drink, coughing slightly when he was finished.

"Yes, it's fine," Ianto replied, feeling like a skipped record, repeating himself over and over. "Dislocated, but since I never had a chance to ice it or rest it, it's severely inflamed. The doctor gave me some pills, said to wear this for a week to give it a chance to heal." He waved the sling and grimaced. "Then I should see my regular doctor for a follow-up, to make sure the swelling is going down. Only I don't have a regular doctor…" He trailed off, the unspoken anymore left hanging in the air between them.

"Why didn't you say something?" Jack asked. "I could have helped, gone with you."

"There's too much going on," Ianto replied. "I tried not to think about it, until it got so bad I couldn't think about anything else. I wanted to make sure nothing else was wrong, get some medication."

"So you lied and said you were going to see your sister?" Jack asked pointedly. Ianto sighed.

"I did talk to her," he offered. "On the phone."

"Yes, I heard," Jack replied dryly. "Which is how I know you went to A&E. You could have told me. I understand things are hard now, but…"

"But what?" Ianto asked. "It's okay to be hurt, to take the time to heal, to mourn? Because it's not—not really. There's too much to do. How are we going to do it with only three people?"

He let his head fall, trying to hold back the tears. Jack reached out and took his hand.

"We'll get through this," he said. "But we have to talk to each other. I want to know if you're hurt or upset."

Ianto's head whipped up. "That works both ways, Jack. You can't expect me to share things when you don't."

Jack blew out a long breath. Ianto wasn't sure if he was angry, frustrated, or perhaps even feeling guilty. He half-hoped it was the latter. Jack often held others to standards he didn't hold himself. Why would Ianto share anything when Jack shared almost nothing?

"You're right," Jack finally replied. "I can't expect that, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drive you away."

Ianto snorted and finished his drink. He was definitely feeling it; one glass of water and half a bag of crisps barely blunted the effects of the alcohol, and he found his tongue loosening far more than usual.

"You didn't drive me away," he said. "But I didn't want to bother you with it. There are more important things to worry about right now."

"Than you?" Jack exclaimed. "Than your health? I can't do this without you. I need you, Ianto, here with me."

Ianto shook his head. "You don't need me, Jack. You think you do and sometimes I think you do too, but only because I like feeling as if you need me. You're strong, though. Independent. One day, I'll be gone, and you'll be—"

"Stop it," Jack growled, pulling away. "Don't say it. And for the record, you don't know what I need or don't need. What I want. I know I haven't talked much these last few days, haven't reached out. I understand why you didn't either. It's hard, especially for us, but we're not going to survive this if we don't."

"If we don't what?" Ianto asked wearily. He was having trouble following.

"If we don't talk to each other. If we're not there for one another. Let me be there for you," he said, leaning forward again and taking Ianto's hand. "Talk to me. Tell me when you're hurting."

Ianto sighed. "And you'll do the same?"

"Yes," Jack answered without hesitation. "Why do you think I'm here?"

"I don't know," Ianto confessed. "How did you even get in?"

He tapped his vortex manipulator. "Easy. Although a key might be nice."

Ianto's eyes widened at the implication, wondering if Jack meant it. "Right. A key. So you can sneak in whenever you want?"

"I wasn't sneaking," Jack said, sounding defensive. "I was waiting for you."

"In my bed?" Ianto couldn't help but smile, glad for the conversation to move toward lighter banter. When he stopped to think about it, it was both touching and ridiculous. Touching that Jack thought to go to Ianto's flat to relax and spend the night with him, but utterly ridiculous in that he broke in and fell asleep in Ianto's bed. He wondered how Jack had even ended up there.

"Yes, well," Jack started, then laughed at himself. "Fine, I was tired. I went to the bathroom to clean up—the green towel is mine—then saw your bed and decided to lie down for a few minutes. Which turned into several hours."

Ianto patted his hand and stood up to get another glass of water. "It's fine. It's sort of…well, nice, in a way."

"What, that I snuck into your flat and fell asleep in your bed?"

"You said you weren't sneaking," Ianto pointed out with a grin.

"And I wasn't!"

"I suppose it's nice that you thought to come here. You're welcome any time, you know." Ianto turned away, embarrassed at the unusual show of affection between them. He was so tired he couldn't help it. He also wasn't sure he'd make it until the food arrived.

Jack stood and joined him by the sink. He wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and leaned forward for a quick kiss. "Thank you," he said quietly. "So it's all right if I stay?"

"I can't eat all that food you ordered on my own," Ianto pointed out, teasing him. Jack frowned, missing it entirely.

"I meant, for the night. I'd like…well, I'd like to get away from the Hub. Tonight, and maybe tomorrow. It's not…" He sighed and let his eyes slip closed. "It doesn't feel like home right now."

Ianto pulled him into an embrace, enjoying the sense of comfort. "Any time, Jack. Really."

They stood there for a several minutes, silent and unmoving, both wrapped up in thoughts of the last several days and all they had lost. Ianto had hoped to spend the night alone, recovering from his own physical and emotional trauma, but now that Jack was there, he couldn't imagine spending it any other way. He pulled back with a questioning look.

"What movie did you want to watch?" he asked.

Jack grinned. "Actually, I brought one. Batman and Robin."

"What?" Ianto asked, unable to hold back a grimace. "Seriously?"

Jack nodded. "It was Owen's favorite," he said. "He was really drunk one night before you or Gwen joined us, and tried to get me and Suzie to watch it. Then he made us swear to never tell a soul."

"I can see why," Ianto murmured. "Still, mushroom and peppers for Tosh and poison ivy for Owen. Sounds like a bang-up night."

Jack nodded. "I think they'd approve."

"I think so too," Ianto replied, his voice cracking. He laughed nervously, afraid he was about to break down, and turned away, moving toward the living room to lose himself in a ridiculous movie. "Come on, let's get started before I fall asleep on my feet."

Jack took his hand and squeezed. "I miss them too," he said softly. "And I'm sorry they're gone."

Ianto sighed and swallowed the lump in his throat. "We'll get through this, yeah?"

"Yes," said Jack. "We will. Together."

It was both small comfort and more reassuring than Ianto could express. As long as Jack stayed, Ianto felt like he could make it. He knew one day that Jack would leave—leave him, leave Cardiff, leave the planet—and move on to another life in his long eternity, but for now Jack was there, with Torchwood, with Ianto. They would weather the storm and continue to fight, continue to live, continue to love. For as much time as they had, together.

Author's Note:
Thank you for reading all of these small stories! We've reached the end of series two, but if you are interested in more, please read Cocktail Hour – Malmooth Moonshine by Taamar, my totally awesome and amazing beta who not only looked this over, but added another coda to Exit Wounds with a rather unusual twist. I hope to write two more myself, but cannot say when. I often think about following up some of the audios, but then why not the novels as well? I may pick and choose, but as I said, I do see this series bearing at least two more drinks. Someday. We'll pause for now, however. Thank you again for reading! I hope you've enjoyed it!