"Alexander, this is your brilliant sister-in-law here to let you know that you're being ridiculous," Angelica called out as she entered Alexander's office.

His phone was unplugged, his internet was switched off, and the TV was surely on Netflix. He himself was lounging on his sofa wearing sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Angelica, this is your belabored brother-in-law letting you know that I am trying to save a life."

"Whose?" she asked.

"Mine."

Angelica rolled her eyes and set her purse down. Alexander had to sit up to avoid her sitting on his legs. "Everyone is highly concerned about you."

Alexander scoffed. "Everyone? You exaggerate."

"I'm really not," Angelica insisted. "My sister thinks you're having a breakdown. Your kids either think you're trapped in here or agree with their mother. Washington thinks you're catastrophizing and your friends haven't stopped freaking out for long enough to give me their theory."

Alexander rolled his eyes. "Everyone around me is in histrionics. Great. So why are you here?"

"It was decided that I was the one least willing to enable you," Angelica explained.

Alexander snorted. "Washington wouldn't enable me."

"Who also wasn't likely to give you further issues to obsess over instead of just facing whatever this is," Angelica finished. "Your pretending he's not basically your dad and all."

Alexander flushed. "He is not basically my dad."

Angelica nodded. "Yeah, like that."

"I feel extremely condescended to," Alexander complained, slouching down.

"Well that's just perfect because I feel like the babysitter trying to get the kid to come out of his room and rejoin the rest of the world."

"I know that it may look a little…unusual," Alexander admitted. "But I promise you that I am being completely rational here."

Angelica nodded. "Okay. But you said that after that time you challenged the entire Republican Party to a duel."

"In my defense-"

"This should be good."

"In my defense," Alexander repeated. "I didn't really expect to have to duel every registered Republican in our great nation."

"It is 2016 and you challenged anyone to a duel," Angelica said flatly.

"It's a free country."

"Not free enough to duel," Angelica said. "I'm not positive since the last mention I heard of real honest-to-God dueling was when goddamn Lincoln tried to sneak away and duel someone and he probably didn't even actually do that. And that'd have been like the 1830s. But I'm pretty damn sure dueling is still illegal. Shooting people definitely is."

"Unless you're standing your ground," Alexander said. "Or a-"

"Oh, do not even start with that with me," Angelica interrupted.

"It's a country where I'm free to break the law."

Angelica laughed. "Every country gives you the freedom to break the law! There just may be horrific consequences depending on what you do and where."

"All I know is that I was clearly all worked up about Republicans being the literal worst and that asshole didn't have to actually take me up on it."

"You said 'in my defense' but you are doing a terrible job right now doing that."

Alexander shrugged. "Regardless of what you may think, Angelica, disagreeing with you is not tantamount to irrationality."

She laughed. "Agree to disagree. You also swore up and down you were being rational that time I called you to yell at you for not being willing to drive down to my father's for the weekend and you acted like I was the second coming."

Alexander made a face. "Well it's always lovely to hear from you, Angelica."

"Not that good."

Alexander sat up for a moment. "Well, you know, you really have to look at the context."

"It doesn't help as much as you think it does," she informed him.

"All I'm saying is that she was right there."

"And all I'm saying is that you're a grown-ass man who really needs to develop a little something called self-control."

Alexander crossed his arms huffily. "I didn't actually sleep with her."

"No, but you picked up the phone and literally said 'Angelica, save me, I'm about to accidentally sleep with Maria Reynolds.' And, of course, my first question was 'Do you really think they'll find your body if you hurt my sister?' And then 'Who the fuck is Maria Reynolds?'"

"Look, I don't know what you want me to tell you. I was minding my own business. Maria knocked on the door, told me her husband ditched her and her child, wasn't interested in the number of a center, and wanted money. I gave her like seven hundred dollars then she wanted me to walk her home even though she had no problem walking there all by herself."

"Alexander, you know I love you even if this whole situation is making me wonder why-"

"Which situation?" Alexander asked. "Maria or right now?"

"Both. Have you ever considered you might not be having chronic money problems if you didn't give everyone who knocked on your door hundreds of dollars?"

"What was I supposed to do? She looked so helpless."

"Your helplessness fetish aside, and I'm really wondering what that says about you by the way, there are so many resources you could have given her. Eliza is on the board of two domestic violence places."

"She didn't want that. She wanted cash."

"I know it turned out James Reynold was abusive but 'I just want your money' should have sent up all of the red flags."

"I prefer to trust people," Alexander said nobly.

Angelica snorted. "No you don't."

"And I don't have a helplessness fetish," Alexander said, sounding insulted.

"Yes, you do," Angelica said, rolling her eyes. "You know Eliza felt helpless by her feelings for you until almost the actual wedding. And you won't stop saying 'but she looked so helpless' to try and explain why you almost had sex with Maria Reynolds. Frankly, a person looks helpless and it's like dousing me with cold water. Does not do anything for me at all."

"Well now I'm feeling kink shamed," Alexander complained.

Angelica raised an eyebrow. "Is helplessness a kink for you now? Is that what I'm hearing?"

He scowled. "No."

"Then I really don't see how that applies," she said. "So Maria needs an escort going home. She comes to you because she heard you're 'a man of honor.' Or maybe just have a rich wife, I don't know. How does that translate to me calling you and you refusing to let me hang up?"

Alexander flushed. "Well, you know how it is. She asked me to come in and wandered off. Eventually I followed her and she was naked on a bed."

"You really think that never happened to me?" Angelica demanded. "You leave. Maybe make a cutting remark about their presumption first then leave."

"You make it sound so easy," Alexander whined.

"It kind of is," Angelica said unsympathetically. "I don't care what your dick wants."

"I wanted to say no!"

"You didn't and you clearly weren't going to," Angelica countered. "You put me on speakerphone and had me yell at this random girl because you couldn't do it yourself."

"All that matters is that it got done."

"And then she came by again so you had to namedrop Washington to get a restraining order against her because under normal circumstances you couldn't get one because you think you might have an affair with her."

"Okay, I did not namedrop Washington," Alexander protested.

Angelica gave him an unimpressed look.

Alexander flushed. "My connection to him is well-known and it just came up! I wasn't trying to-"

Angelica sighed. "Yeah, yeah. And then you paid blackmail to her husband."

"He threatened to send her after me. And, sure, call the police but by the time they get there the damage is done."

"You're ridiculous," she said bluntly.

"I think you should be happy what great lengths I went to to stay faithful to your sister."

"Uh-huh. I'll get right on that after I'm done being pissed at what great lengths you had to go to to stay faithful to my sister," Angelica said. "And when Thomas found out about it-"

"Okay, admittedly it did kind of make me look like an idiot," Alexander admitted a little sourly. "But it made Jefferson look like a stalker and isn't that all that really matters?"

"No."

"Angelica, I hate to say it but I don't think you're trying," Alexander complained.

"Not really," Angelica agreed. "Or what about when you said you were being completely rational when you-"

"You know what, I think we've got it," Alexander interrupted, clearly aware Angelica had dozens more examples.

"Okay," she said. "So what are you being perfectly rational about this time?"

"As you know, Aaron is running against Jefferson," Alexander said.

Angelica nodded. "I do know this. Are you…jealous?"

Alexander scowled. "If you're referring to the bullshit laws preventing me from ever running for president, I maintain my outrage that that still exists in 2016 but, no, that's not why I'm here."

"Then what is it?" Angelica asked.

"Adams is still running because we don't have anyone else right now and is the sitting president," Alexander said, making a face. "But we all know it's really between Jefferson and Burr."

"We've never had a third party candidate win," Angelica said. "I don't know why Aaron broke with Thomas, turned down the VP-ship, and ran as an independent."

"He did it because he knows Madison is running after Jefferson and they're both more important to the party than him," Alexander said. "And he doesn't want to wait sixteen years to be president."

"Do you actually think he can win?" Angelica asked

Alexander hesitated.

"I didn't say will. I just want to know if you think he's got a shot," she said.

"Well that's just it," Alexander said. "He does. He really does. Jefferson had that minor scandal with what's-her-face and even if he just ignored it that's going to turn some of the more, shall we say, conservative elements against him. And he's too closely tied to France. Aaron's never done a controversial thing in his life and he knows how to work a room. Jefferson's a pretty strong candidate and he has the backing of a party behind him but I think Aaron might genuinely have a chance."

Angelica wasn't quite sure where he was going with this. "And…you're sure that it's not jealousy?"

Alexander scowled at her. "Of course it's not jealousy!"

She gave him a skeptical head tilt.

"Or, at least, that's not why I'm here."

"Then what is it?" she asked again.

"John Adams isn't going to win. I have no idea why he's even running at this point except that that man really cannot help himself," Alexander said. "We all know it. Voting for him would be a waste of time."

"Oh, don't give me any 'throwing away your vote' nonsense," Angelica said, rolling her eyes. "I get so sick of that. If they really think voting for someone who isn't going to win is throwing away their votes then the only ones who aren't throwing away their vote are the ones who happen to vote for the guy that wins!"

"This is a bit more throwing your vote away than usual," Alexander said. "Adams kind of trampled all over the First Amendment. I wouldn't vote for the guy even if I didn't hate him. But no one else really stood out so that's what we're stuck with this year. It's the whole not wanting to run against a sitting president thing, I think, even one as obviously unelectable as Adams."

"To be fair, you thought he was unelectable before he went out and got elected," Angelica replied.

"Well if he wasn't then then he should have been," he insisted. "And he definitely is now. That leaves us all torn between Jefferson and Aaron. We're trying to be a united front here because if we can then we'll basically decide the election and they'll owe us. Plus if we can figure out who we don't want in office more we'd like to have the lesser of two evils in office." He snapped his fingers. "Hey, that reminds me. Did I tell you what someone was saying about the lesser of two evils the other day?"

They were making some progress but trying to get Alexander to focus sometimes was like pulling teeth.

"No, what?"

"They got offended because there was this senate race and one of the candidates is kind of shitty but the other one is extremely shitty. It's clear that the one would be a lot better than the other even though no one really wants either of them. People have been calling it the lesser of two evils and this person just went off on that insisting it's class-based because the less shitty one isn't a multimillionaire like the other one is. They were going on about how since the really shitty one is so much worse than the other one, it's classist to pretend that they're the same."

"Well that's stupid," Angelica said. "The whole point of lesser of two evils is that one of them is lesser than the other. If they were both equally evil you'd need a coin flip or something."

Alexander sighed. "Oh, I know. And I pointed that out to them but then I didn't get to see their response because they blocked me."

"Blocked you? Alexander, was this on social media?" Angelica demanded.

Alexander held up his hands defensively. "This was before my media blackout, I swear."

"Alexander, you have been the goddamn Secretary of Treasury. You really have to stop picking fights with people on the internet."

"Okay, first of all I didn't pick that fight," Alexander argued. "Secondly, I…Never mind."

Angelica smiled. "That's better. Now, back to why you're hiding here?"

Alexander spread his hands helplessly. "They want my opinion."

Angelica still didn't get it. "Alexander, you love to give your opinion. You give it freely and with great detail whether people want you to or not. I would think that this opportunity to influence the election to the extent you believe you will be able to influence it would be the best thing that ever happened to you."

Alexander winced. "I know. And it should be, it really should."

"But?"

"I don't think I've ever hated anyone more than I hate Jefferson. Ever. In my life. And I have been places, I have seen things, there are lots of people in this world who are very deserving of my hate. Including several semi-anonymous people on the internet."

"Fine, so tell people to vote for Aaron," Angelica said. "It's kind of what I would have expected from you and what anyone who knows enough about you to want your opinion should know you'd do even without having to ask. I'm like ninety-five percent sure he's the one who kicked off those most recent rumors about Washington secretly being your dad."

"If he didn't then he at least enjoyed himself as much as if he did," Alexander grumbled. "And, trust me Angelica, I'd love to do just that and watch Jefferson's dreams come crashing down around him much as I imagine our country would look after a few months with him as the president."

"Then why don't you?" Angelica asked. "Are you just trying to be dramatic?"

He gave her a wounded look. "Angelica, really, in all the years you've known me have I ever been dramatic?"

"A better question would be if, in all the years I've known you, you've ever stopped," she said frankly.

He crossed his arms not at all dramatically. "It's just…look, I like Aaron. You know that. He's one of my best friends and the fact that manages to be true despite the fact I couldn't stay neutral on an issue if I tried and I'm not entirely sure he's aware it's possible for him to have an opinion really speaks to our history. But."

"But," Angelica repeated. "You don't know what he'll be like in the White House?"

Alexander nodded. "That's exactly it! I mean, in private I can usually cajole something resembling an opinion out of him but he just gets so cagey if you try and get him to say it in public. Lafayette always says that the best way to gauge when something is universally supported is by when Aaron's willing to publically commit to it."

"But you two tend to agree on politics, right?" Angelica asked. "Or at least more than you and Thomas."

Alexander nodded reluctantly. "According to him, it's usually more of a matter of degree and style and all those unimportant little details. But that's just it. According to him. I really wouldn't put it past him to just tell me what I wanted to hear."

"I suppose not," Angelica agreed. "But, Alexander, you've literally never agreed with Thomas at all. On anything. It's statically improbable at this point. You even manage to disagree about things that you actually agree about."

Alexander shrugged. "What can I say? Some of us have literally nothing in common."

"So, worst case scenario, Aaron somehow manages to have all the exact same beliefs as Thomas," Angelica reasoned. "Electing him would be no different than electing Thomas so there's no reason to vote for Thomas. If he has even one belief more closely aligned with your own, and you know it's going to be more than just the one, it makes sense to choose him over Thomas. What is the issue?"

"Does Thomas know you're in here trying to persuade me to not have him be our next president?"

"Why would he know that?" Angelica asked. "And I'm not. I'm just trying to see your dilemma."

"I don't want Jefferson to be president," Alexander said. "I really don't."

"I think I just died of non-surprise."

"But Aaron…he doesn't have beliefs!"

"We both know that's not true," Angelica said.

Alexander sighed. "Fine, he may technically have something that could theoretically be classified as a hypothetical belief."

She laughed. "Coming on a little strong, aren't you?"

"It's just that it doesn't even matter. Say he supported gay rights since the beginning. He still didn't say anything about gay marriage until it was legalized."

Angelica wanted to argue with that but, well, Aaron wasn't exactly making that easy for her. "And you don't think that him being president would change that?"

"I'm not sure enough of that, no matter what he says," Alexander admitted, sighing. "And, much as I respect the opinions of the populace, we simply cannot make all of our decisions based on majority rules! With a populist ideal at the head he'll do all manner of stupid things, especially in the wake of high emotional moments."

"You've never in your life supported the opinions of the people," Angelica countered. "You think people are reactionary and prone to mass hysteria which clouds their judgment."

Alexander nodded. "And see? You know that about me because I wear all of my opinions on my sleeve."

"Whether we want you to or not," she murmured.

"And take Jefferson. He's the worst but I wouldn't know just how thoroughly he was the worst if he wasn't the same way," Alexander said. "I will always know exactly where he stands on every issue. Even if that's only by first figuring out where I stand on an issue and assuming he'll have the most wrongheaded opinion imaginable. It will never be that clear with Aaron."

"I can see where it's comforting to know where things stand," Angelica said slowly. "But why is it such a good thing to have beliefs if you think his beliefs are all not just wrong but outright evil?"

"I can fight what I understand," Alexander said. "And convictions, even terrible ones, are an important part of character. I know what a Jeffersonian president would look like, much as I'd like to avoid it, but what would Aaron's rule lead to? Maybe some things I'd like, maybe some I wouldn't. I wouldn't know and that's what's so dangerous. If Jefferson doesn't want something it won't get done, no matter how reactionary the people get. I don't know that I can trust Aaron to do the same, especially with him facing reelection for his first two years in office."

Angelica was quiet for a long while. "Huh. So the office it is."

"The office it is."

"Are you going to support Thomas, then?"

Alexander looked pained. "As I said, Aaron is my friend but I can't imagine he'll remain so if I do that. Do you know how long it took me to forgive Washington for firing me? And I pretty much dared him to."

"He didn't even technically fire you," Angelica protested. "You had an argument and you wanted to be given a command so you pretended that was what anyone meant and you wouldn't come back until you got your way."

"I mean, if that's how you choose to remember it," he said, shrugging. "And, more importantly, I would have to support Jefferson. Anything he does during his little reign of terror is on me. And he would never, ever let me live it down. He'd always be thanking me for making this possible and talking about how I only have myself to blame whenever I go toe to toe with him in the future. I really do think I'd rather stab myself than not just vote for Jefferson but get other people to and hand him the presidency."

"So you can't vote for Aaron or Thomas?" Angelica asked.

"I really can't," Alexander said miserably. "I've tried, I've really tried. I've thought about it and, well…If I'm forced to pick one I don't know how I shall ever live with myself."

"So Thomas then?"

Alexander glared half-heartedly at her. "Didn't I just say that I didn't have anyone to support?"

Thomas indeed.

"You could just tell them that you don't want to get involved." Even as she said it, she knew how ridiculous that sounded.

He actually laughed. "I could indeed! That'd be brilliant! I'd never get any peace that way!"

"And so your solution is to…what? Just stay in here ignoring the world for the rest of your life?"

"Not the rest of my life," Alexander argued. "Just until the election is over. I'm having my work brought to me so while it may not be the most practical of solutions it's the only one I can see."

"You literally cannot do that."

"You seem to be confusing the word 'cannot' with 'should not'," he countered. "I am not voting for Jefferson. It's not happening. I can't vote for Aaron. I really couldn't. I can't possibly keep silent if I leave this room. We both know me way too well for that. So this is the solution."

Angelica groaned. "Why do you always do this to yourself?"

"Hey, I don't know how you can possibly think this is my fault."

"It's always your fault! You have the most unnerving habit of getting yourself in the most dramatic and ridiculous situations possible and now you're going to spend months living out of your study."

"It's a sacrifice I will make for my country," Alexander said nobly.

Alexander said he had no choice.

All of a sudden, Angelica felt that neither did she.

She threw a pillow at him and walked out.