Eye Spy.

Writer: Invader Johnny.

Disclaimer: We all know that Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez, I don't own squat!

Plot: Dib learns the hard way not to interrupt on an enemy's "alone time" or anyone's time for that matter because there will be consequences to his actions, maybe even karma.

Author Notes: This idea came to me after I re-watched an old episode of "Two and A Half Men."

Just to let you all know, all the characters are over eighteen here, you're gonna find out soon enough why, warning it's implied some sexual stuff has been going on.

So read, review and enjoy!

"Today is the day that Zim's reign on Terror ends once and for all!" The young paranormal investigator said to himself "Just a few more floors and I'll have all the evidence I need to show the world that I'm not crazy!"

"Be quiet human!" The computer ordered in annoyance "I heard this before"

Dib jumped in surprise "You can see me?!"

"See you? No" The computer admitted "Heard you? Oh yeah, Geez kid you really need to learn the concept of spying, see the trick is NOT to get caught"

"If you know I'm here then why haven't you alerted Zim of my presence?"

"Because I'm bored, and maybe you'll give me some entertainment"

"Okkkk" Dib said slowly "So uh, since you know I'm here, would it bother you if you tell me where Zim is?"

"Lower lab, go straight to the tunnel then hit a right and then open the fourth door to the left"

"Ok, thank you"

Dib, who was wearing a ninja suit crawls across the ceiling, clinging to the wires that line it.

"We both know you're here Human" The computer said bored "Why do you have the need to dangle from my wires?"

"First of all, don't ever say that again, it sounds... Creepy"

"Newsflash kid, you are creepy, not to mention you are technically breaking the law by breaking an entering"

"Breaking the law, saving the world... Semantics" Dib snapped "Second of all, allow me the illusion of being a great spy."

"Great spy?" The Computer sneered "You're the suckiest spy I ever seen."

"I don't suck!"

"How many times have you gone around in our trash?"

"I won't even dignify that with an answer!"

Half an hour later, Dib made it to his wished destination, he drops to the ground, trying to make as little noise as possible to prevent anyone else from knowing he was here, be it that insane robot, the new fat Irken or Zim himself.

The young human began to sweat, he had been on enemy ground before but the fear of getting caught was always in when entering the underground labs, he had seen things that could kill him with the touch of a button or worse experiment on his organs just for the Invader's sadistic pleasure.

He knew Zim still had one of his lungs somewhere in his face, a trophy of sorts when the alien humilliated him after he failed to stop him from harvesting his classmates organs.

Maybe someday after he won the war he would get it back but for now he needed to save his race, his stolen lung could wait.

"I just need one little bit of proof that he's trying to conquer the Earth and everyone will thank me!"

"You want people to thank you?" The A.I asked sarcastically "Get some help so you can stop talking to yourself, no wonder your kind thinks your crazy and considering I work for a lunatic who has an ego the size of your galaxy and a robot who has more food than brains in his head, that's saying something."

"I am not crazy!" The young man said exasperatedly, "Why do people keep saying that?!"

"I'll give you three guesses."

Dib narrowed his eyes at the direction of where he believed the voice was coming from "You know for a security system meant to be a deterrent for intruders, you do a lousy job at it!"

"Oh, ouch the human child hit me on my pride, NOT!"

The young paranormal investigator got his camera out of his pocket, holding it with such strength, almost as if it was more important than his life, his desire to do what was right had way more meaning than anything else as far as Dib was concerned if it meant stopping the alien apocalypse.

"This is for future generations!" He muttered in determination "Mankind needs to survive"

So Dib walked deeper into the underground labs, aware that he could easily get lost if the computer hadn't so easily given him the directions to Zim's whereabouts.

But that made him think, his paranoid kicking in, "Why did the computer so easily gave him his enemy's location?", it claimed because it was bored, but the human just knew there had to be something more to it.

After all if experience had taught him anything throught the years was that dealing anything Irken could very well cause him some sort of pain in any way shape or form, but he had to take the risk and damn the consequences, it came with the job of being Earth's only hope.

Several minutes later the so call hero made it to the metallic door, as expected it was shut, what Dib didn't see coming was a sign right in front of it written in the Irken language, he didn't know what it meant but he was gonna find out.

So he got a mini- iPad out of his pocket, Dib managed to to sinc it to the computer in Tak's ship, he pressed a few buttons and within seconds the Irken words on the screen translated into English.

"No one allowed in, The amazing Zim is busy!"

Dib narrowed his eyes hatefully "Yeah, busy coming up with another plan to destroy the human race no doubt! Well this ends now!"

So without any warning the raven haired human kicked the door open, his camera in one arm and a water gun in the other.

"AHA! I got you now Zim! Your reign of doom is... AHHHHHH!" What the hell?!"

"Dib-stink!" The Irken yelled out horrified "What in the blue fuck are you doing here?! Didn't you read the sign out there! Zim is busy!"

The human's left eye twitched uncontrollably "I.. Eh... Uh... I'm blind!"

And rightfully so considering that in front of them both was a big screen with a photo of Gaz in a very revealing purple lingerie, to add more to the awkwardness of the situation, Dib could see his sister's lower part.

And to add even more insult to injury, he saw that Zim wasn't wearing any pants.

It dawned on the freaked out hero that his arch-enemy was jerking off to a picture of his little sister.

"You sick son of a bitch!"

"GET OUT DIB-WEASEL!"

The human was only too happy to comply as he ran out of the base screaming, cursing the computer's twisted sense of humour, only to start bellowing traumatically "SOMEBODY TAKE MY EYES OUT! THE HORROR, THE HORROR!"

Back on the base Zim glared at the ceiling "COMPUTER!"

"WHAT?!"

"Didn't I tell you to not let anyone in?!"

"You did but I didn't feel like obeying you" the A.I answered "Next time I want some time to myself, maybe you'll think twice before saying no, because it sure sucks to be interrupted when you're in the middle of something huh?!"

"I hate you!"

"The feeling is mutual" The computer shot back "But scarring aside, don't be such a crybaby, I ended up doing you a favor, not that you deserve it."

"Oh yeah? How you figure you stupid machine?!"

"After what the Dib child just saw, he sure won't be coming back any time soon."

Zim just growled angrily.

He then got his pants back up and dialed a number he knew by heart, after several rings the person on the other side picked up.

"Gaz-human? You might want to kill your brother right about now, why? Well long story short, His stalking has become a nuisance and not because of my evil plans this time... He actually... Found out about us and not in the best of ways."

The next day Gaz broke every bone in her brother's body.

"Next time you think about stalking my boyfriend Dib, don't!"

So, what did you guys think of this little insane story? The name of the story is an obvious pun to the game as well as a reference to the fact that Dib is a member of the swollen eyeball network.

Like I said above, the idea came to be after watching an episode of "two and a half men" where Charlie keeps unceremoniously walking in on Alan pleasuring himself, such a sigh would freak everyone out, but imagine the trauma Dib would endure in seeing an alien, Zim no less Jacking off to a photo of his little sister, now THAT could just about drive anyone nuts, am I right?

Finally, Zim had to be extra subtly (hey, there's a first time for everything) because he sure wasn't about to tell Gaz that he's playing with himself to a pic of her.

Invader Johnny Signing Off.