Just a little (uh, 2k words) oneshot inspired by a tumblr retelling of similar real-life events. Link to that provided at the end.

Enjoy~!

A Ronin Intervention

Kento got the call just as he finished cleaning the last table before closing time. His mother shouted across the empty restaurant that Sage was on the phone asking for him.

"Says it's urgent!" she claimed.

Wondering what creature of the Nether Realm could possibly be causing havoc now, Kento wiped his hands on his apron before untying it and taking up the receiver.

"Sage?"

"It's Mia. She broke up with her boyfriend, but he still wants to talk to her."

Good ol' Sage—always so blunt and to the point. "I'll be up at the house in fifteen."

The drive out of Tokyo to Mia's big old mansion (left to her by her late grandfather) usually took twenty minutes, especially with traffic. But true to his word, Hardrock was pulling into the driveway fifteen minutes later.

Rowen met him on the entryway steps. "All her stuff is still at his house, except what she could stuff in a duffle." His voice was tight with worry and cold fury. "She's distraught; Ryo and Cye are with her now."

Kento hurried past him (kicking off his shoes for the slippers left in the atrium) and into the living room. Cye sat on one end of the sofa with Mia folded into a protective hug, Ryo rubbing her back on the other side. Torrent and Wildfire both murmured quietly to her over the occasional hiccupping sob, but their eyes were as frosty as Rowen's had been when they looked up at Hardrock.

"He shoved her into a table," Ryo growled.

Sage reappeared from the kitchen with a steaming cup of tea as hot as Kento's rising anger. He recognized the scent of Mia's favorite brew as Halo walked past and tapped her shoulder. It took her a moment, but she roused herself enough to sit up in Cye's arms and accept the teacup from Sage. Her normally bright green eyes were puffy from crying, fuzzy black smudges on her hand matching the smears of eyeliner on her bottom eyelids.

He couldn't help thinking of his baby sisters every time they'd scraped a knee or a palm. Sympathy tempered his anger, though it simply lay in wait for the proper time to express itself. Preferably in her now-ex-boyfriend's presence.

"You're safe with us, Mia," he murmured, kneeling in front of her.

She nodded, sniffling. "I-I know. It's just…my things…"

"Don't worry about that right now," Ryo said, patting her shoulder comfortingly. "The important thing is that you're okay. We can figure that out later."

Wildfire made it absolutely clear to its fellow armors just what that meant. By the time they got Mia taken care of and curled up under her blankets in the master room, they already had a plan hashed out.

"I still say we just roll on up and blast his door in, Ronin style," Kento groused the next morning from the back passenger seat of Ryo's Explorer.

Rowen's sidelong look said just what he thought of that crude idea. "If we get violent, we're liable for breaking and entering. He'll know exactly what we're there for, and we all know how much of a coward he is. Chances are he'll just open the door for us."

(Ten minutes later.)

SLAM.

"Well so much for that brilliant idea…" Kento muttered, rubbing his ear as if Mia's ex's yelling had physically hurt them.

Rowen merely rolled his eyes and gestured for the other three to join them. This time when they rang the doorbell, he simply glared at them.

"Fine, go take what you're looking for," he growled, yanking the door open all the way.

The five happily obliged. Luckily, they'd been on a visit to see Mia here previously—once, and then not again after this weasel of a man had nearly taken his anger at her having male friends over in the house out on their dear friend—so they knew the general layout. Other than that, though, they had only a faint idea what actually belonged to Mia, or where she'd store it.

"I'll check the bedroom," Cye called out over the armor link. It made sense; being the only boy in his family, he understood the female mind the best of them.

"Guess I'll cover the closets and the bathroom?" Rowen volunteered.

"Kitchen," Ryo claimed.

Well, that was practically the whole house. Kento shrugged. "Might as well take the living room, I guess."

And even if he didn't find anything… The couch caught his eye.

He grinned.

Sage raised an eyebrow at him as he approached the piece of furniture, a three-seater leather-and-wood number that had to have cost this guy three months' salary. Cracking his knuckles and drawing on Hardrock's strength, Kento casually reached under the frame and hefted the massive thing onto his shoulder.

Halo just shook his head at his comrade's antics. "Maybe I should keep an eye on you… Make sure you don't break anything…"

Kento waved him off. "Psh. If anyone needs watching, it's the piece of garbage that lives in this hellhole. Go freak him out with your kendo stare or something." He thought about that a moment, and then dropped the couch back where it had been…almost. Sort of.

(Okay so it was half tipped against the wall on two legs, but no one would notice. Right?)

"On second thought I want to see this."

They found Mia's ex warily watching Cye dig through various hiding places in the messier-than-Rowen's-room bedroom. He turned when he heard the two of them approach, grimaced at the added company, and beat a hasty retreat past them back into the kitchen. Conveniently bumping shoulders with Kento, of course.

He couldn't help twitching a lip in anger and disgust. Sage, though, remained as implacable as almost-always and trailed behind.

Kento's grimace morphed to a smirk.

He could go follow Sage in a minute, though; right now he wanted to focus on the mission just for a brief moment. "Find anything, Cye?"

Torrent wordlessly held up the half-full cardboard box of various articles—deodorant and other toiletries, a small pile of clothes that was growing as Cye cleaned out the closet, and a book or two on ancient mythology. "Still haven't found any of her valuables, though. She has her wallet, but I know there've got to be some bracelets and necklaces around here somewhere… I swear, for her birthday, I'm buying her a nice jewelry box. With a lock."

Hardrock considered helping for a moment, glanced around at the disaster of a room, and promptly decided against that. With an encouraging pat on Cye's bent over back, he said, "Good luck, buddy!" and sauntered toward the living room.

Rowen stuck his head out of the bathroom as he passed. "Hey, Ken, mind giving me a hand?"

Kento raised an eyebrow at the massive plastic-wrapped mass of toilet paper rolls in the archer's arms. "Does it involve totally screwing this guy over without getting arrested?"

The mischievous grin that somehow only Rowen could pull off was all the answer he needed.

For once, the little poofing trick the Warlords had passed on to them paid off. Mia's ex was none the wiser about the state of his toilet paper stash, and the look on his face when Kento walked in the front door was second only to the one Hardrock caught a glimpse of before he entered.

The guy was obviously weirded out by Sage's silent stalking. Every time he so much as shifted a step in any direction, Sage mirrored it. Even more unnervingly, the blond seemed to hardly acknowledge he existed. Except that he was glued to his heels like a shadow.

Kento almost couldn't cover his laughter at that thought, and the comparison to one Warlord of Corruption. Hiding his snickers behind a hand and a coughing fit, he feigned walking into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Ironically, that did in his laughter. He found Ryo leaning nonchalantly against the counter, munching away on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Their fearless leader would be chilling in the kitchen.

Wildfire finished chewing the bite in his mouth as he watched Kento try to stifle his laughter with a fist. "I don't think that's how you make a knuckle sandwich, Ken."

That was the absolute final straw. Hardrock's laughter echoed through the house like banshee wails, drawing the attention of nearly everyone else in the building. When he was somewhat in possession of his faculties again, Kento looked up from sitting on the floor to see Rowen with his head poked around the doorway into the kitchen. "You sure you okay there? Cuz I could use some help in the bedroom."

An idea popped into his head, spotting the weasel peering in at the three Ronin from the living room. He grinned in what he hoped was the most sultry expression ever to grace his face.

"I'd love to, Ro-Ro," he purred, stretching out a hand for Strata to help him to his feet.

There was a reason he and Rowen had immediately gotten along when Kento first ran across him at his grandfather's shrine. The other blue–haired boy grinned and hauled him to his feet, not letting go of his hand as they bee-lined for the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind Cye as he was walking out.

"So, how much noise do we want to make?" Rowen asked gleefully.

"Arranging the furniture level."

That was all the agreement they needed to get to work ripping the room apart. A couple extra giggles and thrown-in "Oh, babe"'s couldn't hurt, either.

"Whoa!"

Kento almost didn't notice the change in Rowen's tone, he was enjoying trashing Weasel's things so much. When Rowen didn't respond to their back and forth anymore, he stopped in the middle of yanking the dresser drawers out to see what caught his friend's attention.

He held the chain to one of Mia's grandmother's necklaces between his fingers.

Kento's eyes widened. "Whoa. So that's where he stashed the jewels."

Rowen's eyes were frosty as space. "How much you wanna bet the rest are around here?"

Weasel was dead. Weasel was so dead.

By the time they were done, Rowen's cargo pockets were bulging with Mia's jewelry, many of them priceless Koji family heirlooms. Kento halted in front of her ex-boyfriend as Strata marched past and out to the car where Sage, Cye, and Ryo were now waiting. "I swear to all that is holy, if you ever hurt her again, in any way, shape, or form, this will be the least of your worries." With a briskly polite nod, he finished, "Good bye."

When he hopped back in the Explorer, an air of triumph reigned. High fives were passed all around.

They had been in and out in under fifteen minutes.

-/-

Mia stepped out onto the front porch as the car pulled up, expression of confusion all over her face at the strangely-buoyant group of Ronin spilling onto her lawn. They carried all sorts of household odds and ends in their arms, parading past her with cheerful "good morning!"s and "We brought you some things, come see!"s that made her feel like an owl for all the blinking she was doing.

"Wha… Where were you guys?" she asked in consternation.

Cye walked up to her on his second trip from the Explorer to the house, the other guys abandoning their flurry of activity to circle up. The brunet lifted the box toward her in a gesture that said to look inside, an inimitably Cye smile curving his lips.

She peered over the edge.

And gasped.

"M-my clothes…!"

Every single one of her boys grinned even more broadly than they already were. "Not just that—your books, too."

"Shoes, toiletries, documents…" Ryo started ticking off the items on his fingers.

"Jewlery!" Rowen added, hastily pulling a necklace from his pocket to show her.

"Toilet paper!" Kento exclaimed jubilantly.

Everyone paused and looked at him. Hardrock shrugged. "What? It was Rowen's idea. Guy's not gonna be able to wipe his ass for days."

Sage raised an eyebrow at him, voicing the comment everyone had. "You know he can just go buy more."

Kento simply withdrew his hand from his pocket and showed them four tiny black caps that looked suspiciously like tire gauge covers. "Not with flat tires he can't."

Mia couldn't hold in a sob, grateful tears pooling in her eyes. Unable to find any words to convey her gratitude, she simply threw her arms around the nearest two's necks and pulled them all in for a hug. Cye was forced to drop the box he held in the ensuing upright dogpile, but she didn't care.

The Dynasty War had given her the best gift of her life, in these five young men.

Just as her sniffles started to die down, someone had a suggestion for what to do next.

"So…Chipotle?"

Everyone groaned in unison.

"Kentooooo…!"

FIN

Link (be sure to take out spaces and add dot com forward slash): ted-the-warlock. tumblr post/ 1250602 96369/th rowtime-throwti me-im-about-to-have-a-fun