Everybody Loves Raymond
Season 10, Episode 9
'With a Bang'
Written by: Robert and Dylan

Harley was holding Ray's dead body in her arms as she looked around. "Everybody! Get in here!" She shouted. It wasn't long before Kim Possible and Judy Hopps ran from the garage and into the living room. They gasped at the sight.
"What happened?!" Kim asked.
"I'm here for a day and this happens?!" Judy said.
There was another shot through the window that grazed Harley's shoulder.
"Yowza!" Harley yelped and hid behind the couch. "I guess that explains that."
They heard something come through the window, landing on the floor.
"Holee explodie!" Harley shouted, seeing a grenade roll toward them. She kicked it away before it exploded, destroying the TV and part of the wall facing the shooter.
"What are we gonna do?!" Judy asked.
"Here!" Harley said, pulling a shotgun from under the couch. "I've got guns stashed all over the place. You grab somethin' too, Kimmy!" She then tossed the shotgun to Judy.
"How am I gonna hold this?" Judy asked.
"Like a shotgun, duh." Harley said, rolling toward the front door, grabbing a pistol from behind a hat rack.
She kicked open the door to see that a claymore was placed at the doorstep.
"Holee Viet-" BOOM. Harley was blown back, crashing hard onto the floor close to Kim. Kim pulled her back into cover.
"Harley. Come on, Harley. Wake up!" Kim shook Harley, trying to get her conscious.

Ray sat in the living room, his thumb casually channel surfing. He wasn't really even paying attention to anything that was on, all he could think of was Debra.
Ray had been married for a quite a number of years to Debra. She was always loving and supportive, able to put up with his family and always had warm food, well I suppose it qualified as food, on the table. She had been invited by a rich philanthropist named Tony, to come work for him and to be a major piece in his business. It required her to move away so after much discussion, she took the kids and left Ray all alone.
He had this empty feeling, it was a combination of loneliness and hunger, and it wasn't going away.

Harley slowly opened her eyes. "Ray?" She asked.
"What? No!" Kim shouted. "Snap out of it!" She said, shooting in the direction of the shooter.
Harley sat back up, her shoulder was bleeding and thanks to the explosion, she was far from 100%. Harley picked up her gun and ran toward the back door. "Keep 'em busy, you two." She said, sneaking out of the back door. She took a deep breath and sprinted behind a couple of houses and got across the street. It didn't take long to spot where the shooter was. He was lying on a hill with a sniper rifle. A strong grizzled guy who obviously knew what he was doing. Harley got behind him and waited for him to reload. "Gotcha!" She shouted and jumped onto his back. Harley was abnormally strong for her size and build. The man grunted and tried to fight, but she was too fast for him. She managed to get his hands tied behind his back. She was sure to give him a few punches for good measure.
"Now… who are you and why did you kill my Ray?!" She shouted.

A warm breeze swept across Ray's face, he was taking a walk down to the store to pick up the latest Sports Illustrated. Everywhere he looked, he saw her. He continued walking, almost in a haze, he walked by the store and just kept walking. Then he heard something, high female voice…

"So… you're the Punisher? I think I heard'a you before. But what did Ray do to deserve any punishin'?" Harley asked. A wide range of emotions were on her face.
"You know why, Harleen Quinzel." The Punisher replied. Harley looked uneasy. "He's just as guilty as you are. Letting you live with him after all you've done. How many innocent lives did you take, Harleen?" He glared at her.
Harley glared back. "I'll have you know that I gave all that up. I ain't killed anybody that didn't have it comin' lately."
The Punisher's face never changed. "It's too late for you to change." He said, his hands were working on the rope that Harley tied him with. It wasn't the first time he made a mistake and got captured.
"Then I guess I gotta kill ya." Harley said, holding a gun against his head.
"Go ahead and try." He said.
Before she could pull the trigger, he got loose, tackling her to the floor. They were throwing punches at each other, but nobody would give. They were both strong, but not strong enough to take each other out. They were going through the room, grabbing whatever they could find to throw at one another. Harley took a vase and smashed it over his head. He barely even reacted to it. He grabbed her and put her through the coffee table. "oof!" Harley grunted. It was getting hard to move. The Punisher moved over her and pulled out a knife. "This is what you deserve. This is what he deserved." He said, moving the knife to her throat. Harley closed her eyes. This was it. Then there was a loud BANG. The weight of the Punisher was on top of Harley. He wasn't moving.
"Huh? What happened?" Harley asked, pushing him off of him. She saw Judy Hopps sitting there, looking terrified. Smoke was coming from the shotgun.
"I…I got him. I did it…" Judy said in disbelief.
Harley picked up Judy and gave her a tight hug. "Judy! I knew ya could do it!"
Her expression quickly changed to sad. "But what do we do about… Ray?" She asked, looking at Ray's body.

"Get outta here guys!" a woman's voice yelled. Ray looked and saw black smoke rolling out of the top of a building and flames everywhere. The pet store where he'd bought his daughter her first Gerbil was on fire.
A woman came running out with an armload of puppies and collapsed to the ground. Ray ran over to her. "Wha..wha…wha do I need to do!? Lady? Are you awake?" He looked into the inferno, it looked like all of the animals had been rescued except for a cage full of kittens, their little paws scratching to get out before the flames could get to them. Ray forgot about his troubles and ran in, he grabbed the kittens and escaped. "Lady! Lady! I got the cats! I think one of em' bit me but I got em!"
The girl looked up at him. "You…you saved em? Who…who are ya anyway?"
Ray replied "The name's Ray"
She smiled "Nice to meetcha, Mistah Ray"

Harley had no idea what to do. She stepped outside. The house was ruined. A big hole where a wall should be. No door. The furniture was ruined. She walked over to the house next door and knocked. "In, you may come." Said a voice behind the door. Harley walked in and collapsed onto the floor. "I don't know what to do, Master Yoda." She said, out of breath, still bleeding from the previous fight.
"Help you, I will try. Speak, Harley." Yoda said as he unwrapped a Slim Jim, taking a bite. "mmmm"
"Ray's dead. Can ya help me get him back with your mumbo jumbo?" She asked.
"Mumbo jumbo, it is not. The Force it is." He took another bite, closing his eyes. "mmmmm"
"Well, what's the forcey thing tellin' ya? Somethin' good?"
"Wait…" He slowly chewed as he opened another Slim Jim. Then he looked surprised. "Oh… oh my…"
"What? What is it?" She asked.
"Die, you have to." Yoda said, taking another bite. "mmmmmmmmmm"
"Wait. What?! What do ya mean I gotta die?" Harley asked.
"Come to an end, your life must. Then Ray, you will find." Yoda said.
"So I gotta die and get Ray outta that afterlife and pull him into the right now life?"
"Mmmmmmmm" Yoda groaned as he took two bites, finishing the Slim Jim.
"Well, alright. If it's what I gotta do." Harley said. "Thanks, Yoda." She said, hurrying back to the house.
"Judy! Good news! You gotta kill me!" Harley happily said.
"WHAT?!" Judy Hopps asked in shock. "No way. I just saved your life and you want me to kill you?"
Harley spent a few minutes explaining what Yoda had told her. "So… will ya do me a solid and knock the life outta me?" She asked with a smile.
"Well… I guess so. But if you don't come back, I don't know what I'll do." Judy said.
"Don't worry. I'll be back before ya know it." Harley winked. "Make sure ya get me in one shot. I've been shot plentya times and it doesn't feel too good."
"Alright… hold still." Judy said, struggling to aim the shotgun at Harley.
Harley closed her eyes.
BANG
To be continued in season 11.