Title: I Left My Heart in San Francisco
Summary: "No, don't hang up! Wait, please!" He waited with baited breath for the koala to answer, knowing that he'd likely never see or hear from him again if he didn't keep him on the phone just a little longer. "Nom Nom?"
Rating: K+ (for sensitive topics)
Disclaimer: "We Bare Bears" and all its characters are property of Daniel Chong and Cartoon Network. I make no profit from these writings.

Part I - It's Complicated

"Panda, can I borrow your phone?"

Panda glanced up sharply, his nose just inches from the glowing screen of his cellphone. He eyed his older sibling as he anxiously wrung his paws, his eyes pleading with him. "Why?" he asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. While he had promised to be more considerate about letting his brothers use his phone, it was still hard for him to not be overprotective of his most prized possession.

"Please?" the grizzly pleaded, his eyes full of worry. Panda's face softened as he let out a sigh, finally realizing what his brother intended to do.

"Grizz…I think it's time you called it quits, don't you?" he said as gently as he could. "Look, you've tried, okay? You tried reaching out to him, but he doesn't want to be contacted. Last time you tried to call him, it went straight to voicemail."

Grizz began pacing the living room. "I just don't get it, though. It's like he dropped off the face of the earth. I just want to know why. Why did he quit his job? Why did he disappear? Why would a guy who loved being in the spotlight suddenly want to just vanish?" Grizz paused for a moment, appearing thoughtful. "Do you think I should contact his agent? He's gotta know where he's at, right? Someone has to! I'm sure he told someone where he was going!"

"Grizz, just leave it alone. Nom Nom's obviously going through something and he's trying to deal with it in his own way."

"But he's going through it all alone!"

Panda finally put his phone down, giving his elder sibling his full attention. "Maybe that's what he wants," he replied seriously. "Maybe he needs to be alone right now. People handle things in their own way, Grizz. Sometimes you just gotta step back and let them sort it out themselves."

Grizz appeared close to tears. He knew Panda's point was worth considering, but it just wasn't in his nature to stand back and do nothing when something was wrong. "But…I just want to know that's he's okay. I mean, he never texted back or anything!"

Panda sighed again. "I know you're worried, Grizz, but it's been two weeks. It's time you moved on. Nom Nom knows you're trying to contact him, but he's not ready to respond, and you calling him five times a day is clearly stressing him out, hence why he turned his phone off. You've done all you can do, Grizz. He knows he can turn to you if he needs to, but right now he clearly needs space."

His shoulders slumping in defeat, Grizz shifted his gaze over to Ice Bear, who had been quietly knitting a sweater, not giving much attention to their discussion.

"What do you think I should do?"

Ice Bear finally looked up, glancing at Panda briefly before looking back to Grizz. "Ice Bear thinks Nom Nom needs to be alone."

He had expected that answer, but that didn't stop his frustration. His nose crinkling in agitation, Grizz turned and stormed out of the living room, throwing his arms in the air as he went. "Fine!" he snapped as he made his way to his bedroom and slammed the door. Fighting off frustrated tears, he shuffled his way over to the bed and collapsed onto the messy sheets, cookie crumbs bouncing off the mattress. Though he knew Panda was right, it was still incredibly difficult for him to leave the situation alone. Even if every phone call he made was never answered, he still felt like he was doing something. He couldn't stand just sitting around and waiting.

Not knowing what was going on was what drove him mad. Honestly, would it really kill the koala to just send a quick text message, letting him know that he was okay and where he was? Did he not realize how much it was hurting the bear to just leave him wondering? Did he still not realize that he wasn't just another fan? Sure, his fans had been disappointed when it was announced that his videos would be discontinued, but it didn't take them long before they had moved on to the next big internet sensation that could hold their attention for more than five minutes. But Grizz could care less about that. He didn't care if Nom Nom ever posted another video ever again. He just wanted to know that he was physically and mentally okay! Could he not see that? Could he not at least make contact with him to relieve his worries? If he would just do that for him, then Grizz would give him all the space he needed.

Rolling over on to his left side, Grizz thought he might try to take a nap in order to get some relief from his constant worry, but just as he felt himself beginning to doze off, he heard a soft knock at the door. "What?" he answered, his voice somewhat muffled against the pillow. As the door slowly opened, Grizz lifted his head from his pillow to see Panda peeking into the room.

"Hey, man. Listen…I don't want you to think we're being insensitive about this," he said as he eased his way into the bedroom, being cautious of the mess on the floor. "Look, I'd like to know what's going on, too, but I also know what it's like to want to be alone and not bother other people with my problems."

The grizzly immediately straightened up upon hearing this. "But I don't want you to ever feel that way, Pan-Pan! I want you to come to me if you're having a problem!"

"Grizz, you need to understand that being alone isn't always a bad thing. It's fine to want people to know that you're there for them, but if they want you to give them space, you should respect it." Panda sat down on the edge of the bed, holding up his phone for Grizz to see. "But look…if calling him again will make you feel better, then go ahead."

Grizz stared down at the phone for a moment before slowly reaching out to take it. "Why bother?" he mumbled as he stared at his own reflection on the smudged black screen. "He's probably sick of hearing from me." He turned his head to face his brother again. "I just want to know that he's okay! Is that so much to ask?!"

As the grizzly finally broke down, Panda quickly scooted closer to him and wrapped him in a comforting hug. "No, it's not too much to ask, but you know how Nom Nom is. He's never been that considerate of other people's feelings. He's the center of his own universe." Panda rubbed Grizz's back soothingly, giving him a few gentle pats. "I'm sure he's fine, Grizz. He just needs time to sort out whatever it is he's dealing with."

Withdrawing himself from his brother's embrace, Grizz sniffled loudly, wiping his nose with the back of his paw. "Yeah," he murmured. "Maybe I'll just try calling him one more time, though."

Panda shrugged as he pushed himself off the bed. "If it'll make you feel better."

Once Grizz had his privacy again, he fell back onto the bed, holding Panda's phone just above his face. He searched through the contacts until he found Nom Nom's number, and then he hesitated. He knew he likely wouldn't get through to the koala, but he just couldn't leave it alone.

He tapped the number on the screen and held his breath as he placed the phone against his ear. There was a two second pause before he heard the sound of Nom Nom's recorded voice prompting him to leave a voicemail.

"Hey, Nom Nom, it's me again," he spoke softly. "Uh…listen, I know you're probably sick of hearing from me, but…" He sighed, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just…I'm just worried about you, that's all. I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but…I guess it's really not my business. I won't call anymore after this, but I just wanted to tell you that I hope you're okay…and that maybe when you're feeling up to it, give me a call? You can call me any time, day or night. Whenever you're ready." He sighed again. "Okay…bye."

Grizz ended the call and placed the phone down on the bed, feeling very unsatisfied. As Panda had said, he had done all he could. Nom Nom would have to make the next move, and he wasn't entirely convinced he'd ever hear from him. He thinks I'm annoying, anyway, so why would he bother? the bear thought to himself. He rolled over onto his stomach, hugging his pillow tightly as he waited with one last shred of hope that maybe the koala would finally respond, but he never even received so much as a text.

ooooooo

Four days later…

It was several minutes after Ice Bear had rang the dinner bell when Grizz finally migrated into the kitchen. Panda had already taken his place at the table and had just started eating his meal, while Ice Bear had waited patiently for the grizzly before tucking in to his own. The two younger bears looked up at him as he took his place at the dinner table, troubled by his look of dejection. There was no sense in asking what was wrong, as they both knew the answer, but it was still troubling to see. He had been like this for the past few days.

Grizz spent the majority of his time just staring at his plate. The meal was one of his favorites: chicken strips and seasoned french fries, but he had no desire to eat so much as a bite. After spending several minutes poking and prodding the cooling food, he pushed the plate away with a sigh and rested his arms on the table. "Sorry, bro," he said, knowing Ice Bear was eyeing him. "I don't have much of an appetite tonight."

Frowning, Panda glanced at Ice Bear before looking back to the melancholy grizzly. "Look…Grizz…"

Panda's sentence was immediately interrupted as his phone started ringing, causing all three bears to perk up with mild curiosity. He scooped the phone up and glanced at the screen, his eyes widening slightly.

"Dude, it's Nom Nom," he said as he turned the phone towards Grizz to show the koala's name on the screen.

New life ignited within the older bear, and he quickly shot up from his chair, nearly knocking it to the floor. He snatched the phone from a somewhat startled Panda and raced out of the kitchen to avoid the awkward stares of his brothers. He struggled to answer the phone, nearly dropping it in his excitement. "Hello?" he answered rather loudly. "Nom Nom?"

"Hey," a calm voice answered on the other end. Just hearing the koala's voice sent a wave of relief through him, and he let out a deep sigh, weeks of worry finally dissolving away.

"Nom Nom, what's going on? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm fine," the koala replied with moderate annoyance. "I'm in San Diego. Geez, why were you in such a panic?"

Anger quickly replaced his initial relief and he almost pulled the phone away from his ear to glare at it. "Oh, gee, I don't know! Maybe because you quit your job and just vanished without warning! Was it really too much to ask that you pick up your phone and answer my calls?! I just wanted to know that you were okay!"

There was a short pause before Grizz heard Nom Nom snicker and reply, "Did we get married or something?"

"This isn't funny! I've been sitting here for weeks worrying about you and wishing I could help you, and you couldn't even be bothered to send a text message or anything! Can you not be selfish for just five minutes?!" the bear shouted without a second thought.

"SHUT UP!"

Grizz flinched slightly, the outburst stunning him into silence. A few moments later, he heard an exasperated sigh through the phone, followed by incoherent mumbling. His shoulders slumped as he immediately regretted the outburst. "I…I'm sorry. I was…I just-"

"Look, this whole thing is complicated right now. I just needed some time alone to think," Nom Nom interrupted him, his tone calmer but still tinged with annoyance. "I couldn't do it anymore." He sounded so tired.

Grizz hesitated a moment before answering, letting the koala's words sink in. "What's wrong?" he asked, his tone soft with concern and completely devoid of any anger.

The question was momentarily met with silence. Grizz had started to suspect that their connection might have been lost until he heard Nom Nom's voice reply very quietly, "I can't really answer that. Like I said, it's complicated. I just needed to get away and clear my head. I don't know..."

Grizz's relief began to fade, and worry slowly started creeping back into the pit of his stomach. He made his way over to the sofa and sat down, slumping against the cushions as he tried to think of something meaningful to say, anything to give the koala some sort of peace of mind. "Nom Nom…whatever's going on….you don't have to do this by yourself. If you're having some kind of crisis right now, I can help you." Hearing another aggravated sigh, he thought the koala was about ready to hang up on him. "Please, I just want to help," he begged.

"You can't."

Those two simple words cut through him like a knife, and he felt his eyes welling with tears.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't call, but you don't need to worry. I can take care of myself. I gotta go."

Eyes widening, Grizz rose up from the sofa, shouting into the phone, "No, don't hang up! Wait, please!"He waited with baited breath for the koala to answer, knowing that he'd likely never see or hear from him again if he didn't keep him on the phone just a little longer. "Nom Nom?"

"What is it?"

The bear sighed as his eyes slid shut, his body dropping back down to the sofa again. He let out a quiet sob, but he managed to keep himself from breaking down just long enough to say what he needed to say. "Look….I know you and me are very different. I know you're not really into having friends, but…I just want you to know that someone does care about what you're going through. Even if I can't solve your problem, I'll help however I can, even if it's just to listen. I'll go all the way to San Diego for you, it doesn't matter to me. Please, Nom Nom."

There was a long, agonizing pause, followed by a defeated sigh.

ooooooo

The bus ride was long and tiring, and if it hadn't been for the new cellphone Grizz had taken the liberty of purchasing that morning in case of an emergency, he probably would have been bored out of his mind. He spent a good majority of the bus ride sending text messages to Panda, assuring him that everything was going well, while munching on some of the snacks Ice Bear had generously packed for him. He made a few attempts to sleep throughout the trip, but they had all failed miserably. A plane ride would have been much quicker, but they had all been a bit short on funds. It was only a minor inconvenience to the grizzly bear, though. How he got there wasn't important, as long as he got there.

By the time the bus made its final stop in San Diego, the light outside had already started to fade, and the once blue sky was slowly transitioning to a soft purple. It wouldn't be long until it would be completely dark, and Grizz wasn't too keen on wandering around a city he wasn't familiar with after dark. Thankfully, he was able to hail a cab not long after stepping off the bus. Once he had provided the name of the hotel Nom Nom was staying at to the driver, Grizz sat back and simply enjoyed the various sights of the city until he arrived at his destination, which took about ten minutes.

After arriving at the hotel, Grizz paid his cab fare and quickly pulled out his phone to shoot off a quick text to Nom Nom, letting him know that he was on his way into the hotel. Anxiety began to mount as he tried to imagine how their meeting would pan out. All he could think about was the possibility that it would be a disaster, and he'd end up saying something to upset the koala. It certainly didn't take much to set him off. He knew he had to handle this situation delicately, especially considering he didn't fully understand what was going on, and Nom Nom was clearly reluctant about opening up to him about it.

Once he was inside the hotel, Grizz quickly found the elevator. He took a deep, calming breath as he entered through the doors and mashed the button for the third floor. As he stared at his hazy reflection in the elevator doors, he contemplated what it was he wanted to say to Nom Nom once he saw him, his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He wasn't exactly an expert when it came to difficult situations like this, and he could only imagine he'd make a mess of things, despite his best efforts.

As the the elevator came to a shuddering halt and the doors parted after a moment's pause, he felt a swelling sense of dread in his gut. Get it together, Grizzly. You came all this way! Don't chicken out now.

Grizz made his way down the long, carpeted hall, scanning the numbers on the doors as he passed them. He had just passed Nom Nom's room when he happened to glance back and catch the number on the door. He swallowed the lump in his throat and went to knock on the door, but he hesitated, his paw beginning to shake as he stared at the dark red door. Dude, get a grip already! Ignoring his concerns, he finally knocked on the door, holding his breath as he waited for Nom Nom to answer. After a few seconds of complete silence, he heard what sounded like something sliding across the carpet, followed by the sound of a deadbolt being unlocked. The door slowly creaked open, and Nom Nom peeked at him through the small gap.

"Hey," Grizz greeted him with a small smile.

"Hey." Nom Nom didn't bother to return the smile as he pushed the door open to grant the bear access into the room. He stepped down from the box he had been standing on and returned to the main living area of the hotel room, leaving Grizz standing awkwardly out in the hallway.

"Um…how're you doing?" the bear asked him as he stepped into the room and closed the door.

"Great," was Nom Nom's short, curt answer. "I still can't believe you came all this way."

"I said I would, didn't I? And even if you hadn't agreed to let me see you, I probably still would have taken a bus here and searched the whole city for you."

Nom Nom gave the bear a perplexed look but was silent as he climbed up onto the bed and settled himself against the ruffled pillows. He crossed his arms and stared back at his guest, who was now standing anxiously in the middle of the room.

Grizz knew he was going to have to take the lead, but he was still struggling to figure out how he wanted to start the conversation. It was clear from looking at Nom Nom's uncomfortable demeanor that he still didn't want him to be there. It was a miracle he had even agreed to let him come.

"So…what've you been up to?" the bear finally asked, figuring it'd be best to start the conversation on a more casual note to hopefully ease the koala's tensions.

Nom Nom shrugged. "Nothing much. Sleeping a lot, eating junk, trying to figure out if my life has any sort of purpose," he replied nonchalantly as he observed one of his claws. Noticing Grizz looked somewhat alarmed by his words, Nom Nom rolled his eyes and quickly reassured him. "Relax, dummy. I'm not gonna kill myself if that's what you're thinking, geez. I'm just in one of those kinda funks, and I'm trying to deal with it."

Grizz finally moved from the spot he had been standing in for the last twenty seconds and walked across the room to have a seat on the edge of the bed, leaving a sizable gap between himself and Nom Nom. He slipped his backpack from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor beside the bed. "Well…I mean…what is it that's bothering you? Why did you leave your job?"

The koala rolled his eyes again. "Look, I already told you, it's complicated! I don't know… I just wasn't getting much enjoyment out of my job anymore. The whole thing was just becoming a chore. There was no joy, no passion…nothing. I felt like I was on autopilot half the time."

"Okay…so you're just burnt out then," Grizz stated confidently.

"That'd be the short answer, yes," Nom Nom sighed.

"Hey, that happens to a lot of people! Maybe if you just went out and tried new things, you'd-"

"Don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay?!" the koala snapped without warning, catching the bear off guard. "I''ve had about enough of people telling me what to do!"

Startled, Grizz held up his paws defensively. "Woah, dude, take it easy. I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. It was just a suggestion, that's all. I was only trying to help."

Nom Nom looked stunned for a moment, and then suddenly glanced downward, appearing embarrassed by his own outburst. "Sorry," he mumbled, keeping his gaze lowered. "It's just…there's so much I was having to do all the time. I didn't just shoot a video and then go home. There were a lot of other things I had to do, like cons and stuff, and I was always having to either make a call or answer a call about some scheduled event or something…and then it got to the point where even the videos were becoming too much. I mean, I used to release one video a week, but competition has gotten crazy fierce in the last few months. My manager pressured me into releasing three videos every week to keep competition by the wayside. I know it might not seem like much since they're such short videos, but a lot of work goes into making them. You just don't see it." Nom Nom paused and rubbed his eyes. "And…it was like I didn't have a say in anything. If I had a disagreement about something, my manager would always have a fit and wouldn't shut up until I gave in to his demands. I just felt like the walls were closing in around me."

"So….is that what this is? You felt like you didn't have control over your own life anymore?" Grizz asked.

Nom Nom was quiet for a moment as he gave it some thought. "Maybe…I guess," he muttered softly. "I guess I just felt like…like my life wasn't my own anymore." He turned his head to avoid the bear's gaze and stared at the wall. "You wanna know what I did the first night I stayed in this hotel? I slept. I slept all day and all night. I slept a full eighteen hours. I can't remember the last time I slept that long. Before I quit my job, I was sleeping maybe six hours a night on average. Something as simple as just sleeping felt so…freeing. But…I mean…it's not like I didn't enjoy the attention," he added with a shrug. "It does a lot for your self-esteem, but nothing will kill it faster than being made to feel like a wind up toy all the time."

"It just sounds to me like the pressure became too much. You didn't have much of a life anymore."

"I still don't," Nom Nom replied disdainfully. "I'm stuck holed up in this hotel all the time. I can't even go anywhere without people recognizing me and asking me a bunch of questions. I can't hide, no matter where I go."

"So why did you come to San Diego? Why not just stay in San Francisco?"

Nom Nom's expression seemed to soften a bit. "Because my roots are here. I was born here."

Grizz raised his brows curiously. "Really?"

"Yeah…at the San Diego Zoo. I had thought maybe I'd go back to visit it, maybe see if my old caretaker was still there, but…like I said, I can't leave this hotel without someone harassing me." The koala went quiet for a moment as a thought occurred to him, and he suddenly chuckled. "Honestly, if I went back to that zoo as a visitor, they'd probably think I was an escaped zoo animal and try to catch me."

The bear giggled as he tried to visualize such a scenario. "So how did you get from there to where you are now? Or…where you were before you quit?" he corrected himself.

"My caretaker used to take videos of me on her phone. She had posted one of them online, which sorta went viral. It actually helped bring in a lot of visitors. And well…the whole thing just sorta grew and gained me a lot more attention than she was probably expecting. If you go online, you can probably find some of those old video clips of me under a different channel. The original ones were deleted but other people have uploaded them. Anyway…it catapulted me into stardom. I went from being just a cute zoo attraction to an internet star, signing autographs and appearing on talk shows and at conventions."

Grizz couldn't help frowning as he watched Nom Nom's expression darken.

"Sounds great, right?" he continued, giving a low chuckle. "What more could anyone ask for?" He finally looked up and locked his gaze with the bear's. "But I didn't ask for it," he hissed. "I didn't ask for any of it! I couldn't speak for myself! I was just a kid!" The koala grit his teeth as angry tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. He slumped forward slightly, reaching his paws up to his head and clutching at his fur. He could vaguely make out a blurry paw reaching towards him, and he stifled an agitated growl, pulling further away from the bear. "No…Just don't. Don't touch me," he murmured, shaking his head excessively.

"Nom…"

Nom Nom continued shaking his head as he scooted as far away from the bear as possible, moving to the other side of the bed. "No…No…"

"Nom Nom, it's okay," Grizz reassured softly.

The koala turned his back to him completely. "You wanna know the worst thing about all this? Despite everything this job has robbed from me…I couldn't fathom the idea of losing it. I mean, there were things I enjoyed about my job, sure, but…what really made me afraid of losing it was the fact that it was all I've ever known. I was yanked from my cushy zoo life before I had even reached adulthood and was thrown in front of a bunch of bright lights and cameras, and it's all I've ever done since. What else am I supposed to do with my life?! And now I'm sitting here, already regretting what I've done and hating myself for regretting it, but I just don't know what else to do! I don't! There's no clear path in all this! It was like choosing between a road that was visible but littered with debris, and a road that was dark and unfamiliar."

Fed up with being kept at a distance, Grizz abruptly stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed where Nom Nom was situated and sat down beside him. He hesitated a moment before placing a paw to his back, not wanting to make physical contact until he was certain the koala wasn't going to pull away from him again. He watched with mild surprise and deep sympathy as Nom Nom turned towards him and leaned in to bury his face in his fur. The bear did not hesitate as he reached up and gently stroked the top of his head.

"Listen…don't think of it as a dark and unfamiliar road. Just think of it as going through a dark tunnel. It might seem scary right now, but there's a light at the end of it, and you'll get there. I know that sounds kinda cheesy, but…" Grizz smiled down at the koala as he saw him glance up at him. "Trust me….it'll all work out."

"Always the optimist," Nom Nom mumbled as he broke eye contact to stare solemnly at the floor.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Grizz replied softly as he gave the smaller animal a reassuring squeeze.

Author's Note: Okay, so this story has been in the works for quite a long time. One day, I just suddenly thought of this scenario where Nom Nom just ups and disappears and Grizz starts panicking and tries to contact him. I hadn't even thought about how I really wanted to write the story, I just immediately started typing the first scene of this story and the story started piecing itself together as I went along. I knew kinda early on that it was going to be sort of an emotional ride, as it always is. But finishing this story has been a bit of a challenge since I just recently got a full time job, which I've been working for the past two weeks, and so writing has slowed to a crawl.

Originally, this story wasn't supposed to go any further than here. It was just sort of meant to hang there like that, but I started thinking of ways to expand it. The title of this story was originally going to be "It's Complicated" but as I started thinking of expanding it, I figured it needed a different title…and I couldn't think of anything else, so my apologies XD And as I was writing that last scene between Nom Nom and Grizz, I started thinking about that scene in Panda's Sneeze that always stood out to me and really made me think there was more to NN's character than was being shown. For those who might not remember, it was during the scene when Panda and Nom Nom appeared on the talk show:

Panda: This whole thing just keeps getting worse and worse!

Nom Nom: You get used to it.

I don't know…I just felt like there was something to that, and even TV Tropes caught on to it. It's just the way he says it. You can see there's clear animosity there, and it's always led me to believe that maybe he was sort of forced into fame and he just sort of got used to it and accepted it. I'm hoping we'll learn more about his character later on in the show. But this was sort of my overemotional take on it lol. Anyway…I haven't finished part 2, and I can't say for certain when it'll be done, so please don't expect an update within the next week, because it won't be happening. I'm not even certain I WILL finish it, but I'm at least going to try.