AN: Hi everyone this is my first fanfic so please be nice haha just kidding. I hope to get better as I go on. I joined this after 509 that episode killed me so as you can guess I am a massive heartbroken olitzer and somehow have managed to carry on watching through 5b. I could ramble on on about how much I have hated 5b and how I have so many things I have taken issue with and not just because of olitz not being together. I watched and liked and was quite sane through 1-4 but season5 is just something else. I have no idea how olitz can get back together. I used to love Olivia pope now I cant stand her, she used to be this strong female character but now her character is seriously unstable and the fact that scandal arent adressing mental health is baffling they could really raise awerness and blow up that platform and delvier some great stories but no. Mellivia I just really don't understand nor do I like and hope it crashes and burns. This has elements of what we have seen in season 5 focusing more on the awful 5b. Olitz are always endgame but i feel that they need to really get everything out on the show but thats not happening anytime soon so I will do it. I started writing this around 518 So here is my take on it

Oh p.s when I started writing this I was writing it in first person then switched half way through I hope I have changed all of it but if it not please forgive me..

Chapter 1 – Regret

Regret. Just one of the many words that comes to mind when Olivia thinks of what her life has become over the past 7 months. How could she be so stupid? Why did she throw everything away? Why couldn't she be brave? Why couldn't she let him all the way in? Why didn't she tell him?

It was too late. Everything is just wrong, sad and confusing. The great and formidable Olivia pope, if only they knew. She wants him, she wants him with every fiber of her being but its late, she pushed him one too many times and she did something that will finally make him hate her.

She can't tell him but she has to. Will he forgive her? Could he? Will Olivia ever get another chance with him? If he did what Olivia has done to him she would have left him a long time ago.

She hurt him, Olivia has pushed and pushed on purpose so she can justify what she is doing. She doesn't know who she is anymore, she's tried to be Olivia, she's tried to push down the guilt and the hatred and the regret that she feels every day.

Lonely. The first 6 months with no contact no talk no nothing. The past month the odd conversation but its not the same. Does he still feel the same way? Oh god she hopes so she really does but why? What is she going to do when he finds out what she has been doing and what has done.

Free. It doesn't feel as good as he thought it would. Divorced. Finally. In all honesty he should have done it long ago when Fitz first fell in love, when he first made love with her. If he is being honest he should never have married her if he really didn't want to. Why did he? Simple to become the president. Has the past 7 years been worth it? He wishes he could say yes but all the damage it's done is almost too much.

He finally thought this last year would make everything worth it. We could create change. We could create history. WE could prove everyone wrong. How could he not see it? How could he do that to her? Why did he do it? Would we still be together if he hadn't pushed her?

Walking back to the residence all Fitz feels is lonely and hurt. He thought he could bury those feelings with those women. It was time for me him to have some fun, he was single and he was hurt and wishing that it was Olivia but that's not Fitz. How could he be so stupid? Let's face it if he wasn't the president they wouldn't want him. If he wasn't president none of this would have happened.

Getting into bed he stares at the side that she occupied a few times. The only good thing to come out of this is that he can go on without her. He can do it. She doesn't consume me like she used to. Is that a good thing? Its times like these that Fitz thinks about her and them being together. When those pictures got delivered he wanted to cry, to smash something or just do something but its his fault. 7 months and his heart still aches but not the same. Free. It doesn't feel as good as he thought.

She needs to tell him. No she doesn't need to tell him she wants to tell him, the last time she left she did it without a goodbye she doesn't want to do that again to him.

As Olivia walks into the oval looking around at the life she left a long time ago, there he was sitting at his desk looking like Fitz, her Fitz. She is about to break his heart for the final time. He looks up and they stare at each other. Those eyes that tell her so much and show how much pain he is in, to everyone else they wouldn't notice but Olivia does. 'Is everything ok'? A simple question that holds so much. What does she tell him? 'No my world has a fell apart ever since I left you ever since I made the worst choice of my life then I continually made the same mistake over and over and now I'm going to leave again with the same man'.

'No but I came here to let you know that I'm leaving for good this time.' Silence. That's what Olivia was met with.

'When?'

Ok not what she was expecting him to say. How does she tell him this part? 'Tomorrow after... after..' Fitz looks down at his desk.

'Just say it Olivia. Say you are leaving with him again. Jake. That's who it is right. The one. After he leaves Vanessa at the altar for you. After all this time he's the one that you really want. To be happy with him. He makes you happy. He's the one you truly love'.

Tears start welling up in Olivia's eyes. She cant reply back to him. She doesn't know what to say. 'What was I to you? Did you not believe me? Did I push you too much? Did I treat you so badly before that you just lead me on? You raise my hopes up and you kill them with just one word or action. I was willing to go back to Mellie so that you can be free of what happened but you had to say yes, you had to say you chose me you made me finally believe that we were getting our happy ending.'

He finishes and pulls something out of his drawer and hands Olivia the envelope. Pictures of Jake and her all time stamped just as she was about to say something he cuts in 'Before you ask I did not have you followed, someone likes to send these to me'

He carries on talking but she doesn't hear him she just keep looking at those photos he handed to her. How can he not see how unhappy she is? Does he really think Jake makes her happy, that she really loves..Jake? Why else would she be leaving with him again she asks herself.

Before Olivia knows what she is doing she is walking over to him, she stands in front of him trying to show him everything her heart and brain won't say. She leans up and kisses him, its gentle and touching and everything but then it stops.

'No Olivia' he says with such finality in his voice, he has never denied her before. 'What were you expecting for us to have sex one last time to make you feel better. To make you see that you are making the right choice. What will we have our own affair; you can have me on the side to punish me for all those years that I did it to you. That I was coward for hiding us and not getting a divorce sooner and for letting you always run and come up with a way to make me go back to Mellie and to all this' he gestures around to the Oval. 'I won't do that to you Olivia. I won't make you feel the guilt I felt and still do every day for doing that to you. Do you know how disgusted I felt in myself? Do you know I hate myself for moving you in here against your will? For making you feel like anyone other than you? And making you ornamental. Go to Jake Olivia so I can finally be free, so I can try and move on and not feel like a failure every time I see you.'

And with that Fitz left, leaving Olivia stunned, tears streaming down her face. She stayed by herself in the oval for a few more hours hoping praying he would come back but he never did. Eventually she fixed herself and left.