AN: A LETTER OF APOLOGY

Alright. How many of you saw this coming? I'm guessing almost everyone.

… Well, let's get this done then.

Hello everyone, this is your ever lovable Kitsune-san here… well, lovable is probably the last thing you guys would like to associate with me right now. As you all can tell from the title of this AN, I'm officially discontinuing Push Back… and this is my apology letter to you all.

Now I know what you're all thinking right now. Why? Why, KL? Why you do this to us?

Trust me. I have several perfectly good reasons to abandon this fic, and I'm gonna tell you all about them.

But first, let's talk about the reason why I made Push Back in the first place.

It all started out pretty simple. I had finished watching both seasons of the anime and was love struck by the story. After years of anime and manga, being stuck with wimpy ass, no dick, dense protagonists… I finally found a story where the main character was… well, was like me. And I mean real life me… to a certain extent. In real life I'm like Hachiman; a very logical person who verbally sasses his way through life. So I felt a deep connection with the character and wanted to write about him.

But there was one aspect of Hachiman I didn't agree with. His self-depreciation.

I'm proud to say that I'm a very confident person when it comes to socializing. So seeing someone who thinks like me, who talks like me, but is socially stunted really hurt.

So I decided to make Push Back. My take on Oregairu. And sad as I'm to admit it… a fixer story featuring hachiMAN, edgelord mc'buff and chick-magnet extraordinaire.

Now, let's get to the meat of all this. Strap your seatbelts on because this is going to be a long ride.

FIRST REASON I'm abandoning this fic: I hate the Hachiman I wrote.

I hate what has become of him and what will become of him if I continue writing. Up to the middle-school arc I was fine with it. I had FUN writing him. But then I got into the high-school scene and sure enough, I lost my vision of what he was supposed to be.

I wanted to create a Hachiman who was confident in himself. Someone who has the same emotional support growing up as any other regular person. I wanted to write and see where this confident Hachiman would go.

But I didn't realize that in doing so… in removing the emotionally stunted person he was… I effectively killed what made him so special in the series. The reason he was so attractive as a character is because of his social ineptitude. No matter how much I write about him staying in character, he just wouldn't possess the same charm as a Hachiman who has gone through that much emotional turmoil, no matter how childish it might be to the current adult me.

So to sum up the first reason; I lost interest in the character I wrote.

SECOND REASON; The setup.

I honestly regret letting Hachiman learn how to fight. Even though I had a good reason for it, the execution is damn near terrible every time I look back at it. I know that in some ways, learning how to fight and the principles of not wanting to fight unless necessary are good ways to build confidence in a person, but that's not how I should have made Hachiman confident. I should have instead written about how he should find confidence in the things he likes or excels at. Make him search for something he can be proud of instead of just giving him muscle to intimidate his would-be bullies.

At his core, Hachiman is not an aggressor. He's kind… in a twisted self-sacrificing sort of way but we can blame that on his environment and upbringing in canon. He likes to read. He likes to debate. He wants to understand others.

He wants to be accepted for who he is.

And turning him into an intimidating muscle man does not give his character justice.

THIRD REASON; Plotholes.

Ok, I know this isn't really something major, especially since my story can be considered still in the infancy stage compared to the overall plot, but hear me out. There is one BIG plothole in my story, and that's the transitioning point between middle-school and high-school.

Sable.

This stupid dog is the big plothole. In fact, if it wasn't for this dog, we wouldn't have a story in canon in the first place.

Canon Hachiman had a big reason as to why he was even there at the right time to save Sable. He purposely woke up and went to school early, way before the entrance ceremony. Like how early you ask? Yui had enough time to walk her dog before school early. And so Hachiman was there to save Sable and fracture his leg, putting him out of school for three weeks at least and effectively erasing his chance of forming a clique in the first month of highschool.

Now, what does all this have to do with my hachiMAN? Simple. My Hachiman wouldn't have gone out of his way to wake up early for the school entrance ceremony. He would have just gotten there on time. Not early, but on time. Because he's not that emotionally invested in starting a new social debut with his peers. He's just going to do his own thing without a care in the world.

But in this case, he would have never saved Sable.

And this would have changed EVERYTHING.

FORTH REASON; Irrelevance of agency.

My Hachiman has no weakness. There, I said it. I admit it. I created a Gray Stu. And I hate this.

With the way I was shaping the story in future updates, I found it hard to challenge my Hachiman. Every time I wrote something it felt like this Superman had all the right responses to my problems. He was just… perfect.

I don't like perfect. I find beauty in imperfection. A good sword is only sharp after being tempered in the hottest flame and hammered in with the hardest strikes.

This sword was perfect without any hard work. An imitation. A 3D print.

Boring.

FIFTH REASON; Plagiarism.

Ok, this is probably up to debate. Every fanfic is in a sense, plagiarism. But I took it to the next level.

I'm sorry to admit, but I've plagiarized from the original light novel translations. There are bits in my story (Chapter 4, 6, 7) that are direct rips from the original source material, word for word. Granted I edited some things to fit in with my writing but the problem is still there.

The reason I did this though is to save time. If I was just going to rewrite certain scenes then why go through the hassle of typing it out again when I could just copypasta?

But then I got complacent and structured my chapters to conform to the already established plot. I was limiting myself as a writer. I wasn't learning. I wasn't improving.

I was just cheating.

SIXTH REASON; Time.

I'm not going to lie. I'm a busy guy. The past two years have been really hectic for me. I've gone through so much physical and emotional shit going through my civil engineering degree that it's made me go through existential crisis. I was at my worst when I stopped updating this fic MAY last year. At the time, I was doing my industrial training (internship at a construction site). I went through such a harrowing experience that I decided I don't want to be an engineer anymore. The only reason I'm finishing my degree is because I've invested too much time and money to just burn it by quitting. As of this posting, I only have two months left to finish and graduate. I'm now trying to find alternate ways to earn a living.

Time and personal life has always been the killer of any writer. So I said to myself if I don't update this story within one year of the last update, then I'm discontinuing it.

And that time has come.

These are my reasons. Take it as you will but this is my final decision for the matter. I'm sorry it had to come to this.

COMPENSATION

As compensation, I'm gonna break it down to you how the story was about to go. I know some people have PM'd me that if I'm not going to continue, at least send out some draft or skeleton plot to satisfy the readers.

Well, your wish is now granted. I now give you the skeleton draft of my story from where I left off:

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Meet with Zaimokuza at the gym like the bros they are. Asks his Master about Saki's problem. Reconcile with Saki.

xxxx

Go with Yukino to find a present for Yui, meet with Haruno and start up an interest with her.

xxxx

RumiRumi plot starts. Befriends with Rumi, literally bigbro's her the whole time. Tells her to be confident in herself and to not care about others as sooner or later she will find people that will appreciate her like did. Doesn't scare the kids and lets them be. Rumi stands her ground but gets left behind in the forest as a result. 8man gets pissed. Literally scares the kids to tears and rushes into the forest to find Rumi. Find her and apologize for not doing a better job in finding a better way for her to reconnect with her peers. Rumi accepts his apology but Hachiman is left doubting his way of just plowing through his problems without caring.

xxxx

Go out with Yui to the fireworks festival, get confessed to, reject her but reconfirm that she was important to him. They grow closer. More than friends but not to the point of lovers.

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School festival arc starts. Hachiman becomes boy representative because he ignored Shizuka. Sagami becomes girl representative and later Chairman as normal. Yukino agrees to be vice chairman and Hachiman gets annoyed at her for not voicing out her opinion properly. He understands her want to take up a position of power and her hesitation because no one is asking her to. Plot stays the same with Sagami shirking her duties like in canon. Hachiman helps out Zaimokuza's class with some heavy lifting. Saves two girls from one of the wooden structures when it collapses. Iroha is introduced.

Sagami continues to shirk her duties and Yukino collapses during a meeting. Hachiman princess carries her to the infirmary while Hayato and Meguri take control of the situation. Hachiman gets pissed and wants to verbally beat Sagami into a crying mess. Yukino and Yui stop him. In the next meeting, Hachiman causes a scene like in canon but is this time backed up by several of the committee members. Plot goes on like normal until Sagami roof confrontation. Hachiman channels canon 8man for the first time in a while and makes her cry. Hayato comes in and punches him in the face. Hachiman takes it like a man, knowing he deserved it but warns Hayato that the next one won't be free. Sagami fucks up the end speech and her friends blame it on Hachiman who doesn't give a shit. Saki notices the bruise on his face and confronts Hayato before slapping mister perfect to the ground. Saki and Hachiman left the scene and the next day the two are given flack but it's all good thanks to Yukino, Meguri and even Hayato for debasing the rumors.

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Kyoto arc starts. Hina gives cryptic instructions, Tobe asks for confession help. Same shit happens when they go to Kyoto blablabla. Hayato confronts Hachiman by the river like in canon. Hachiman meets Yumiko in the convenience store and she tells him to not interfere with Hina. Hachiman comments that he is starting to like Yumiko as a person. She blushes and tsunderes him. He asks her to let him talk to Hina and Yumiko helps him out. He confronts Hina, telling her that he won't help her, saying it goes against his principle of being genuine. She tells him that she doesn't deserve the consideration, that Tobe shouldn't look to a person like her as someone worthy of his feelings. Hachiman says that Tobe's feelings are not hers to decide, but it's up to her if she's willing to accept them or not. He tells her not to underestimate Tobe, saying that while Tobe's an idiot he's also a good guy and will still be her friend. Hina asks him how he can be so confident, Hachiman tells her to talk to Yui.

Tobe confesses to Hina without being interrupted. Hina declines and Tobe just grins and says he doesn't mind and he'll work hard to change her mind. Hachiman buys Tobe a MAXX as he deserved it.

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President arc starts. Iroha asks for help. Not much confrontation happens as the service club is still fine. Hachiman meets Kaori for the first time since middle school. She's changed since then. Her bubbly personality is gone and she becomes a skeptic, basically canon 8man. Hachiman confronts her and she tells him that after the fiasco during middle-school she began to see people differently. All her friends began to bad mouth him without knowing the truth and she forced herself to smile away since it was what he asked of her. She began to see people for who they are, prejudice and self-centered. Hachiman feels guilty for her change. He goes out of his way to reconnect with Kaori.

The service club continues to function as normal but the girls notice Hachiman not giving his all to the current problem. Yukino sasses him about his lack of enthusiasm and he lashes out at her unconsciously, criticizing her idea of a puppet school president. Yui doesn't know how to deal with the situation and Hachiman decides to leave the club early that day. He meets up with Kaori and the two decide to go on a date. They run into Yukino, Yui and Hayato at the end of their date and tensions fly all over the place. Then Yukino decides to be president to own up to his taunts, leaving everyone silent. He and Yui realize that if Yukino becomes president then the service club loses its head. Yui states that she will also run for president to stop Yukino, stating that she wasn't as important to the club as the one who made it in the first place. Hachiman denies it, but couldn't say that both of them were important to the club; or more like they were important to him.

The next day he bumps into Iroha. They talk and he notices that she isn't interacting with her classmates well. He begins to see the real problem with Iroha's situation. Even if Yukino or Yui becomes president, Iroha will still be bullied by her female classmates. The situation gives him PTSD moments with Kaori and Rumi. Later on he talks to all his confidants; Shizuka, Master Tora, and his family. They all tell him that he should do what he believes is best and that it's ok to fail as failing is life's greatest teachers. Look underneath the underneath until you find that genuine thing, even if it will hurt others and yourself along the way. He was still unsure and goes to the last person who knows him best. Saki.

Saki reassures him that even if his decision doesn't make everyone happy, he still has a place in her heart. Her words sparked something inside him. He realizes what he must do to help Iroha and the girls. But before he does anything concrete he goes to Yukino's apartment to talk to her. He first apologizes for his words and they reconcile after a heated moment. He then asks her if she really did want to become president and not because of some heated decision. She opens up to him and tells him that her time as vice chairmen during the school festival had reminded her of something she had forgotten; the fact that she wanted to make change. She admitted that she was happy when Sagami shirked her duties, for she became the very person everyone depended on to pull them out of trouble. She desired that strength. Hachiman tells her that she will have no time to act as the service club president while being the school president. She says he underestimates her. He says he cares for her. He then leaves a stunned Yukino and returns back home with conviction in his eyes.

The next day he confronts both Yukino and Yui and tells them that he will support Yukino in her decision to become president. But in supporting her she will have to quit as club president. She says she won't dissolve the club and he laughs and says she doesn't need to.

"I'll be the service club president instead."

Everyone is shocked at his decision and asks him why. He says that people need help regardless if they say they don't, and when they do he'll be there for them. The girls ultimately agree to his decision and then he confronts them about Iroha's real problem. They begin a convoluted plan to rig the polls to look like Iroha only lost to Yukino by a small bit. This will boost her popularity as people understood that she had almost defeated the ice queen of Sobu. They gather everyone and together make it successful. Iroha is then given the vice-president slot. Yui thanks Hachiman for saving her beloved club and he just shrugs like that badass he is.

The next and final scene we see is Hachiman reading a book, sitting at the head of the service club table near the open window where Yukino used to sit. He looks up and smiles that confident half-smile of his.

"You guys are late."

Yukino, Yui, Iroha, Saki and Zaimokuza greeted him, all members of the service club. After a bit of banter, the group heard a knock on the door. Hachiman greeted the newcomer.

"Welcome to the service club. The place where we help you help yourself."

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And this ends PART 1.

Yes. PART 1.

PART 2, if I ever thought that far, would have been where we would resolve the ships of the story. I had a plan where each significant girl would get their own story arc. Obviously now those are just dreams of grandeur.

Well, I guess this marks the end of the road for this one. Just so you know, I won't stop writing. I still have Shades of Hikki to finish. I also have other stories in mind, but at a much smaller and concise undertaking.

Who knows, maybe I'll make my own original story. (^3^)

Thank you, everyone, for the support. I will always look back to your kind words.

Goodbye, Push Back.