Lord of the Rings: Twilight of the Third Age

Prolog: Broken Home and Renovations to the Heart

"I think-I think when it's all over, It just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said or anything he did, It was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again. But I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him. It was losing me… I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are."

― Taylor Swift, I knew You Were Trouble

"Well, now

If little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you

Little by little

If suddenly you forget me

Do not look for me

For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life

And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots

Remember

That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms

And my roots will set off to seek another land"

― Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems

"And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to my feet once again - so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again."

― Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

Preface

After all my long years of experience, I never expected to make such a fool of myself. I mean, I knew better. From the moment I had learned what he was I knew that whatever was between us could only end badly. And when I say badly I mean world ending kind of badly. But I couldn't help myself. I just had to explore, learn, and get way too involved. I couldn't stop myself from becoming obsessed and attached. I couldn't stop myself from falling in love. And now I'm about to learn the hard way what my mistake is going to cost me and more importantly… my family.

Chapter 1

Like I Never Existed

"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Those were the last words I heard through the pounding in my ears. Every promise he made, every assurance he ever uttered, undone in these last few moments. In these few moments, under the trees in this soggy moss filled forest, my life came crashing down around my abnormal ears.

I felt his absence before I registered that he might have said something more, before I registered that I could have said something more. But it was too late to call after him. He was gone and I could feel the despair well up inside me. I knew it was too late but I couldn't stop my body as it staggered after the one man I had loved as much as my entire family.

"Edward, please… don't go! Come back…" my heartbroken beg echoed through the trees and back to me making the forest feel like the empty bowels of a cave, a tomb... my tomb. Sobs started up my throat and burst out of my rebellious mouth.

"What did I do wrong? What more did I have to do?" I shrieked into the growing gloom, "Why… Edward, why don't you…want me?" My cries petered off into silence; an unwilling, broken, and harsh silence that filled me with more anguish than when I had begun. Falling to my knees, I used my arms to hug myself, trying to comfort yours truly. The broken sobs that racked through my body turned into an almost unearthly keening. I couldn't stop it. I tried and tried, but there was no stopping the outpouring of grief as the day began to descend into night both literally and figuratively.

After several hours, I began to rein in my despair and gained enough control to get up and head back to the house; the house that I had claimed was my home. Every footstep I took felt harder and harder to do. I couldn't imagine why. Logically I weighed the same, so why was it so hard to just walk back down the trail to the house. Could grief really incapacitate a person to the point where walking was this… impossible? Was this how… she felt?

As the first raindrops began falling I couldn't help but glance up longingly at the sky. The rain was cold and it enveloped me and the forest on all sides. It was as if the world was attuned to my misery and gave it a physical form. Shivering, from who knew what, I pressed on; fighting for every step I took.

As I neared the end of the forest trail a deluge of water drove me to the ground with its light pressure. I lay there trying to understand what was happening to me. Curling into the fetal position, I did my best to come up with a reason to rise and get out of the rain. All my reasons for self-preservation and comfort seemed to lead back to… him. For the life of me I couldn't think about anything but Him!

I shut my eyes as tightly as I could; trying to hold back my endless tears. I had to find something other than him to hold onto, to strive for. Finally, with the grit I inherited from my father, I fought my body until it obeyed my diminishing will. After my feet found solid ground again, I lurched forward resuming my agonizing way back to the building that would offer me sanctuary.

Finally, at the edge of the endless forest, I found the strength to look away from my feet and up at my surroundings. What I saw at my front door should have confused or even surprised me, but my pain fogged mind couldn't feel anything beyond the burden lying on my heart. It seemed like half the town of Forks was assembled outside the house, all congregated around Charlie who seemed to be directing them like troops into battle. However, one of these troops were less attentive than the rest. In one of his glances back toward the forest he spotted me standing there dumb struck and in mental anguish.

"Bella!" cried out the long haired Jacob Black as he broke off from the main party. Heads turned at his shout and their faces broke momentarily into relieved expressions at the sight of me. Those expressions faltered as they really took in my haggard appearance. Part of my absent mind wondered just how bad I looked.

Jacob was the first one to reach me, but as he reached out to embrace me I recoiled like he was trying to attack me. Jacob, totally oblivious, wrapped his arms around me anyway. "Bella, are you ok?"

I didn't respond. I mean, what was the point? He was gone and I would never see him again. "Bella…" Jacob's voice was nearly indiscernible above the babbling of the crowd, the dripping of the rain and the sound of Charlie barreling through the town's people to get at me.

"Bella what's wrong, where were you, are you hurt?" Charlie demanded in a voice that was an unusual mixture of indignant anger and unbridled concern. I looked up into his eyes and said something. To be honest I'm not sure what I was saying, I just had to say something, anything. Charlie frowned, "What?"

Jacob turned his head to Charlie and repeated "She said, 'He's gone'."

Charlie's face tightened into a controlled mask as the La Push kids started giving each other meaningful, and even hopeful, looks. "Come on, kiddo," Charlie urged as he tried to usher me into the house, "Let's get you out of the rain."

With Charlie's arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders I was led stumbling up the steps into the house. Part of me wanted to resist, but it wasn't strong enough to break through my numb disbelief. Charlie managed to get me up to my bedroom before the last of my strength fled and left me to fall into pitch black darkness.

If I hoped my unconscious mind would be blissfully free of my anguish, then I was more than sadly mistaken. Every tormented image I had been trying to block out came to the forefront of my mind and they all focused around Edward. With every vision my fragile heart cracked a bit more. I couldn't take it. I struggled to wake up, trying with all my might to free myself from the torture of my mind. It felt like an eternity as I battle through the darkness. I was sure time was slipping through my fingers like sand. But I wasn't able to move or escape from my nightmares.

Occasionally I could hear Charlie calling out to me in my sleep trying to rouse or comfort me. His wasn't the only voice. I could occasionally hear Mike, my faithful admirer, and Angela, my only true human friend in Forks. Jacob's voice was second only to Charlie's. That little Indian kid just wouldn't quit. He was just as bad as Mike, if not worse. But if it wasn't for Jacob, and the others, I might not have made it through those first few dark days.

But in spite of their voices and soothing words my pain would not abate. Every time his face was called forth, and every time his voice sounded in my ear, and every phantom touch that passed through my mind, a fresh wave of anguish ripped through my damaged heart. I told myself it had been a bad idea to fall in love with a vampire. I told myself I should have gone to my true home the moment I knew. I should have run for the hills, but I didn't. I let myself be manipulated into having feelings for that… vampire. That man, who wasn't even a man, had made me feel so alive when we were together. Now that he was gone, truly gone, I could feel the pain in my chest fade into a dull nothingness, an empty void in the place where he once had been. I fell into this abyss welcoming the nothingness as a suave for the pain. I never expected to resurface. After all, I'd rather feel nothing at all than the unrelenting pain of heartbreak.

The first day I opened my eyes was the day I finally made a choice. I couldn't stay in Forks. He wasn't coming back; there was nothing for me here, only death. I began to sit up when I noticed that I wasn't in my room. The light colors and curtain drapes around the bed meant that I was in a hospital. I groaned audibly at this. Why on this good earth was I in the hospital?

At the sound of my groan an attending nurse pulled back the curtain around my bed. "Where am I?" I demanded weakly. Her astonished face reassembled itself into a kindly, and slightly patronizing, expression.

"You're in the Forks Community Hospital. What is the last thing you remember dear?" the nurse supplied generously. At least I wasn't far from the house. Then my disengaged mind registered her pointed question. After a brief flinch I considered and then supplied.

"Getting home in the rain after…" I couldn't finish. I probably didn't need to, after all this was Forks. What happened on the day he and his family left must have crossed the town gossip like wildfire. In conformation of my thoughts the nurse started nodding sympathetically. After I worked up the desire to ask I turned to her, "Why am I here?"

The nurse immediately stiffened, "I… I should get the doctor." With that she rushed out of the room leaving me more confused than when I woke up. With an effort I climbed out of bed and started pulling the iv and heart monitor lines. This turned out to be a mistake as it set off the flat lining alarm which I had no clue how to shut off. In the end I just pulled the plug on the whole thing just as the doctor rushed in.

"Hey," was my lame half dead greeting. Before explaining anything the doctor sat me back down on my bed and started checking my vitals and huffing at me for removing all the medical junk. "Ah, what's going on doc? Why am I here?"

The doctor gave me a searching look for a moment before answering, "One week after you came home from the forest you slipped into a coma. You've been here for two weeks."

He was blunt and to the point trying to lessen the blow, but it didn't matter, the days of overreacting to such news were long behind me. Don't get me wrong, it was a big shock to learn that I was missing three weeks of my life; but if I was honest with myself I half expected something worse. In total honesty, I thought I might not wake up at all.

While I contemplated this, the doctor continued with his explanation of my condition and made a request that I stay one more night for observation before allowing me to go home. I wasn't having any of that. I was going home now, as soon as possible. Without further ado, I stood up and started heading for the hospital room door. I was expecting the doctor's almost obligatory demand 'we can't let you go running around in your condition'. What I had not expected was how my body's condition agreed with the doctor's prognosis by nearly sending me tumbling to the ground after three steps.

"Take it easy! You just woke up from a coma." The doctor's exasperated cry of concern made no impression on me. Ignoring him, I kept fighting for every step I made towards the door. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going home," I replied curtly. The less time I spent in hospitals the better. I couldn't risk the doctors finding something that wasn't 'supposed' to be there. The doctor, however, wasn't going to have any of that. He and the attending nurse made moves to restrain me. My body was weaker than it had ever been, but that wasn't going to stop me from walking out the front doors of this puny hospital. I wasn't the clumsy girl that I pretended to be.

The moment the nurse laid her hand on my shoulder my own hand shot upward into a palm heal strike that connected solidly with her chin sending her reeling back. Using the IV stand as a point of balance, I kicked out as hard as I could, landing a blow squarely on the center of her chest. She crashed to the ground totally winded and unable to move. At that point the good doctor had me in a bear hug from behind that trapped my arms.

"Isabella Swan, calm down," the doctor's command fell on deaf ears as I moved to my next offensive. Lifting my legs to a ninety degree angle from my body, I allowed my body weight to bring both of us crashing down to the ground. The bear hug disengaged as we fell and I made the most of it by rolling out of his grasp. I looked up in time to see the doctor reaching into his coat. I dived at him as he pulled out the syringe and pointed it at me. My reflexes, honed by years of practice, struck out with absolute precision. Grabbing his wrist with one hand I used my other hand to strike the crook of his elbow folding up his arm and driving the syringe into his chest. The sedative he was going to use on me took an almost immediate effect as it emptied into his heart. His eyes rolled up into the back of his head within two seconds of the injection.

I fell back onto the cold linoleum floor gasping and totally depleted by the ten second tussle. I was so spent that I wasn't sure if I could even get back to my feet. As I processed this exhaustion and coupled it with my two week stint in a coma I came to a very terrifying prognosis; a prognosis that no human would have, or could have, reached.

Fear filled me up at the possibility that my diagnosis was absolutely right and with that fear came a strong enough drive to propel me to my feet and out the door. The adrenaline was back in my system and it rallied my failing body. With this in mind, I stopped by the medicine lockers and pilfered all the available adrenaline vials I could get my hands on. They were a safeguard against my flagging strength that I knew would only get weaker.

To my surprise I managed to get out of the hospital and across town without incident. Wasting no time I struggled up to my bedroom to gather the few belongings I would take with me. This might have been the house I may have slept in, but it was not my home. I had no reason to stay here anymore. So I was going to leave just like them, just like him.

With a great effort, I managed to shift my bed aside to reveal the built in trap door that held my genuine possessions left untouched since I had arrived here in Forks. Everything else I owned were just props meant to help me blend in and were easy to throw away. I didn't care about them just like the Cullens didn't care about me.

Jerking open the trapdoor I intended to yank my stuff out harshly, but what I saw froze my aching heart. All of my birthday presents, excluding the sound speakers in my truck, were there on top of the locked chest. Hands trembling, I reached out and touched my picture of Edward. I sat there staring at the face I had come to love with all of my heart until… until he had crusted it and cast me aside. Tears cascaded down my face as the feeling of loss swept over me again. Somehow it had not lessened in the last three weeks of endless dreaming. It had somehow grown worse.

But as I sobbed I couldn't help the surge of spite filled anger that coursed through me. In a fit of grief mingled with anger I picked up these empty reminders of the Cullens and chucked them all around the room before collapsing to the ground clutching at my chest trying to hold myself together. I realized going home to my family wasn't going to be enough to save me from this heartbreak. Their embraces weren't going to be enough to heal me. I needed my mother's hug, her reassurance and there was only one place I could go to get that.

"I'm sorry, Ada," I murmured. I had promised him and the others that I would always come home, but I couldn't this time. I would never be able to return to my true home again if I went to her, but I was headed there in the end at any rate, so why bother with a side trip that I might not survive anyway?

Pushing up on my hands and knees I went to the locked chest and popped it open. Police sirens sounded outside as I finished strapping on my gear. I sighed as I pulled a shoulder bag over my head. Part of me wished this day would never come; the day I had to say goodbye to Charlie, but it had to be done.

Extracting a small pouch from my bag I headed downstairs to speak to the man I had been forced to call father for the last few months. The front door nearly flew off its hinges as Charlie came barreling into the house.

"Bella!" his shout rang in my ears as I reached the bottom of the steps. "Bella, are you… here?" he half-cut himself off as his eyes fell on me. There was a split second of absolute stillness before he raced over to me. His warm strong arms wrapped around me in a fatherly way, but it was not my father's hug and I was not comforted by it.

"Charlie…" I managed to get out before he cut me off with a vehement exclamation.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Isabella Marie Swan! They said you attacked Dr. Gerandy and the nurse. What do you have to say for yourself? What on earth are you doing? And what's… what's with the bow?" His miniature tirade had started furious, but as each phrase passed his words grew more and more confused. He was still angry at the chaos I had stirred up and he was definitely relieved that I was on my feet again, but he was now frowning at the foreign and mysterious articles on my body, especially my wooden bow.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm sorry for all of this," as I spoke in a soothing voice I discreetly poured a small amount of powder into my right hand from the small pouch. "I wish this could have ended differently for you… but, I don't have the time or any other choice."

"Bella, what are you saying? What are you doing?" Charlie's voice had dropped its angry edge. Now it was filled with concern and trepidation. I looked at him with a sad little smile on my features. "Bella, you're scaring your father here. Cut it…"

"You aren't my father, you never were," I cut him off. Before he could retort I broke from his embrace and blew the powder directly into his face. Sputtering and coughing he backed off and stumbled into the living room. I followed him reluctantly. I felt like I was pouring lemon juice into my open wounds. Helping him into a chair I began to do what needed to be done.

"Can you hear me, Charlie," I whispered in a soothing hypnotic voice.

Charlie stopped fidgeting in his chair and began to relax as the powdered drug kicked in. Eyes firmly closed he answered in a monotone, "Yes."

I took in a deep steading breath and preceded, "Man narain le be lín thannas. (What I tell you will be your truth.)" His eyelids flickered at the sound of my native tongue, but I pressed on. "When you returned to this house, you did not find Isabella Swan here. So you left again to continue searching elsewhere. Later you pass by the house again and you realize that her truck is missing. So you start trying to figure out where else she would go."

I twinged in regret as I imagined the pain I was about to put in his life with the deceptive scenario I was planting in his mind. But I couldn't think of any alternative that would keep him from causing an international incident trying to find me when I finally left.

"You are going to visit all of her old friends' places before you decide to check La Push Reservation and the Black family. On the way you will find… the signs…" I was having a hard time controlling my voice as I imagined the pain he would be in. Somehow, I stiffened my resolve and continued.

"… The signs of an accident. Someone had driven off the road, over the cliffs, and into the ocean. There is no way that the person survived the accident and you will have no doubt that it was your daughter, Izabella Swan." I could hear my voice cracking with regret and remorse as I pronounced my supposed fate. I could see the tears welling up at the corners of Charlie's closed eyes. I pressed on for everyone sake. I had to make it a clean break. I wished it didn't have to be such a painful one, but everything was against me at this point so I didn't have time for anything else.

"After a thorough investigation you will find a suicide note in your daughter's room in a secret compartment under the bed. After that, you will have an empty casket funeral for her and then go on with the remainder of your life. Do you understand?"

Charlie's tears were spilling over as he whispered, "Yes." I couldn't bear to look anymore. I couldn't look at the pain I was causing him for the sake of a clean escape from Forks.

"You will wake up in ten minutes and do as I have told you." I placed a hand on the chief's forehead, "Man narannin le, agoreg (What I have told you, make it so)." Charlie slumped in his chair and I let out a shuddering breath. The sooner I was home the better for all concerned. Life would go on in Forks like it had always done before. The Cullen's would be far from my reach and me from theirs. It would be like I had never existed.