Disclaimer: While this theoretically could be canon, it isn't.

Adhesion

A Bleach Fanfic

Chapter Two: Life in Perfect Whole

The Tuesday after Byakuya had begun his telling of Hisana's story, Rukia found herself leaving the office slightly early to be on time. It wasn't like she'd ben missed too badly—she was an unseated officer, and she'd done all of her paperwork already. No one tried to stop her on the way out, either.

So she made it to the mansion ahead of schedule, only to find that Byakuya was already there. He sat out on the engawa this time, facing in towards the garden. Rukia slid open the glass-paned door and joined him. She had a small argument with herself before settling into a more comfortable cross-legged position instead of seiza. He made no comment about it.

His gardens were really exceptionally well-done. Rukia thought she'd seen the gardener about, on occasion, but she'd never felt brave enough to ask about any of the flowers. Too much in this place still seemed so far away from her.

The tea was already present. Today, there were also cookies. Rukia took one look at them and smiled too widely—they were shaped like the Wakame Taichi. She wondered if maybe Byakuya didn't have a sense of humor in there after all. Picking one up, she bit into it, chewing thoughtfully. It was much more gingery than sweet; she should have expected that. The taste wasn't bad, though. Just unusual.

The silence—in contrast to yesterday's—was comfortable, or something close to it. Rukia thought about how Hisana had once sat exactly where she was sitting now. More than once, according to Byakuya. Her sister seemed like such a fearless person; Rukia could not help but feel the opposite of that most of the time. She wondered, for a moment, how her life might have turned out differently if they'd stayed together, but the thought didn't bring her any bitterness.

"So… when did you fall in love with her?" she asked at last, picking up another cookie.

Byakuya turned his head to observe her from the corner of an eye. Rukia hoped there weren't any crumbs on her shihakushō. She already felt like she was pushing some kind of limit, being as informal as she was.

"I did not. Not in the sense that you intend with the question."

"Wait… what?" She raised a hand to cover her mouth, which was admittedly not entirely empty of food.

"I did not fall in love with Hisana. And she could not fall in love with me."

"But… but you married her! Against the rules and everything." Rukia swallowed too much at once, wincing when it went down.

Byakuya lowered his head fractionally. "Yes."

"I don't understand." She cleared her throat and picked up her teacup, sipping carefully at it in an attempt to wash down the remnants of the cookie. The heat of it made for slow going.

"Then I will tell the rest of the story, and perhaps you will."

Three years, she had been at his side. Byakuya could not name the moment at which she had transformed from servant to friend. He wasn't even sure 'friend' was the right word. They seemed like the wrong sorts of people to have friends, both of them. What they had instead was… understanding.

She understood that sometimes, he had a need to be Byakuya, instead of Kuchiki-sama or Kuchiki-taichō—and she allowed him to do that without comment.

He understood that there were things she would not talk about. Most of the time, he didn't ask her about them.

Byakuya wondered if she knew that sometimes, he honestly believed that she was all he had, in some sense he could not name. It was an absurd notion—he had everything he could ever need or desire. He had family, and colleagues. Subordinates who relied upon him. Resources enough to want for nothing. Authority enough to impose his will as he saw fit; though he exercised that capacity less often than most assumed.

By some standards, he had everything. He recognized that.

But by others, he had only Hisana.

He supposed she knew—she seemed to have an innate sense for things like that. It was unfathomable to him, but like many other things, he elected not to question it.

"How'd that meeting go with the old men?" She didn't call them the elders, or the council.

"It was acceptable."

"Not if you're making that face, it wasn't." She looked out over the gardens, feet dangling over the edge of the engawa.

"You cannot see my face."

She turned to look at him over her shoulder, propping her chin on it. "Now I can, and my point stands. Something's eating you."

The lines of her face were far too sharp. Years ago, her body had been hale and whole, capable of climbing and running and moving about unseen. She was a pale shadow of that now.

He'd put her in charge of his other messengers. She carried none by herself anymore.

But still, she left every morning like clockwork. And still, he knew not where she went.

It felt wrong, sometimes, to further burden her with his own troubles. But she insisted upon it, and he did not have it in him to refuse her.

"The council have informed me that I must marry."

She scowled openly, wearing with ease the emotions that he could not. "That's stupid."

He didn't think so. Their position was very logical. The Kuchiki family had to stand above any individual member of it. As such, it was necessary for him to ensure its unbroken line with an heir. That was a process for which a wife was necessary. Therefore… he must take a wife.

"Aren't you busy enough with your division and all the other stuff you have to do for your family?"

"I would… prefer to devote my time to the Sixth, yes." His vice-captain may well be retiring soon, and there were few officers suitable to replace him. But even if that were not the case, the division demanded much of his attention. He had little of it to spare. Certainly not enough to maintain the kind of time at home that a noble wife would duly expect. It was the difference between houses with a history of military service and those without. The difference between people who served and those who did not.

"Like I said, stupid."

He released a heavy exhale from his nose. He didn't especially want to talk about it. Byakuya tried one of Hisana's own favored tactics, and turned the question around. "What of you? Have you no intention of marriage or family?"

The question seemed to surprise her. She stared at him blankly for several seconds. Then she laughed, doubling over and holding her sides with the force of it, and it was almost as obnoxious as the first time. He felt himself smile.

"Me? Hell no. I'm not interested in that kind of thing at all."

His smile faded, and he tilted his head. "'That kind of thing'?" he echoed, borrowing her phrasing intentionally.

She shrugged. "Romance. Marriage. Sex. Children. I'm not interested."

He attempted to parse the statement. It was quite direct, as were most of the things Hisana said. But he wondered if he hadn't misunderstood nonetheless. "You aren't interested because you have never encountered someone of the right sort, or…?"

She half-smiled, sighing slightly. "No, Byakuya-sama. I'm not interested in any of it, period. Not in principle, not in reality."

He supposed his expression must have not conveyed sufficient understanding, because she elaborated.

"Love wears a thousand faces. Everyone else in the world seems to be obsessed with the same one or two of them. Me? I'm much more interested in the other nine-hundred-some. I don't care for romance, and I have no desire for anything related to it. That's all."

It wasn't easy to imagine. Byakuya held out no hope that he would experience such things in his lifetime; nobility were not generally permitted to do things like marry for love. But the knowledge that he would never attain or feel such emotion did not halt his natural inclinations towards it. On the contrary—he worked very assiduously to quash them in himself. He supposed she simply lacked those inclinations.

"Your authenticity is admirable," he said at last.

He'd always thought so, in a way. What would have been anathema to him—considering his own desires first, knowing exactly what he wanted and setting his sights on attaining it, living that truly to himself alone—was simply her natural state of being. He could not be like that. Most of the time, he didn't want to. But at times like this…

"You could be a little more authentic yourself, you know," she replied, almost as if reading his thoughts.

"How so?"

She knew he would do what duty demanded. He could not imagine any alternative, and he didn't think she would suggest simple disobedience. Byakuya did not have that option, and he believed Hisana understood.

"Marry me, stupid."

His face contorted in shock, he was sure of it. The grin spreading across hers only confirmed it.

"You just said—I'm not—" He found he had no idea where to even begin.

Her grin stretched wider, gaining an almost jagged edge against the sharpness of her cheekbones and chin. "You're not a very good listener, are you?"

He still had no idea what to say.

She sighed heavily. "I just told you. Love wears many faces. I don't love you that way any more than you love me." Hisana paused, and her expression became unusually serious. "But… I do love you. As much as I've ever loved anyone."

"But—"

"Think about it for a second. If I married you, you'd be able to put the resources of the Kuchiki family behind me. You could have an excuse to call those professional healer people you know." She arched a brow. "I know you've been wanting to do that for a while, but going through all the trouble for a servant isn't done, is it? Your family would have a fit."

That much was quite true.

"And if you married me, you'd get your family off your back, and I wouldn't give a damn how many late nights you worked at the division. It's the solution to both of our problems." She leaned back where she sat, making sure she had his eyes.

It didn't solve the heir issue, and he was not going to ask that of her. But… he was by any standard in Soul Society a very young man. He could figure something out, surely.

"So marry me for love, Byakuya-sama. Let other people misunderstand if they will. We'll understand, and that's the important thing."

"I can't believe she suggested that." Rukia shook her head, utterly astonished. But even more than that… "I can't believe you agreed."

Byakuya lowered his teacup, resting it on the palm of one hand, the other wrapped comfortably around it. "Her logic was sound," he replied simply.

"But… wasn't the family against it?"

He dipped his chin. "Very much so. But I told them I would marry her with or without their approval, and in the end, avoiding the scandal was more important to them than the rule against marriage to commoners."

Rukia felt herself begin to smile. "That's… that was pretty sly of you, nii-sama."

"On the contrary; I feel I was quite straightforward in the matter. I loved Hisana, and she loved me. Others marry for much less quite frequently."

Rukia couldn't disagree with that, really. "But still… it wasn't that kind of love."

He shook his head. "No. But it was genuine. More than I had hoped for, prior to meeting her."

She supposed, from his perspective, it must have been. He could have married a stranger, who may or may not have been accepting of his devotion to his division and the Gotei 13. Or he could marry a friend, someone he cared deeply for—who he'd be able to help in doing so. And who didn't mind his priorities. Strange as it was, the choice made sense to her.

"But… I mean, the way you've spoken of her… Hisana wouldn't have made a very good Lady."

"She wasn't." He paused, then amended. "The servants cared for her a great deal, and she for them. But the council disapproved, and that never changed. Fortunately, she was never the sort of person to let that bother her." Byakuya broke a cookie in half and bit into it.

"But if you married her in part to cure her…"

He swallowed; his lips thinned. "She was never one to let the full extent of her weakness show. She hid it from me, and because she asked, even Unohana-taichō did not inform me of just how dire it had grown. I suspect that by the time she suggested the marriage, she was already beyond saving." His eyes fell to his hands. Byakuya turned the teacup around in his hand several times. The words were slower, now, with less of his customary precise diction.

"I think, perhaps, in bringing that up at all, she only… wished to give me a reason to agree. She was fond of saying that our love was an exchange; my resources for her protection from an unwanted betrothal. If I had known I really had nothing to offer her…"

"You might not have gone along with it."

"Yes."

She was back earlier than usual today. Byakuya could hear the slow treads of her footsteps along the engawa outside—she preferred to enter the manor through one of the side doors, the one closest to her rooms. Even now, few knew that she left the mansion; none knew where she went.

Byakuya stood, moving to the door of his study and sliding it open.

He'd only meant to ask her if she needed anything, perhaps to comment on her unusual return time. But the moment he laid eyes on her, he knew that something was wrong.

"Hisana." He moved to her side immediately.

She was leaning against the wall, one hand braced there to support some of her weight. It trembled—the delicate bones of her wrist had only a paper-thin layer of skin over them. It was uncomfortable for him to look at, even. He could not imagine how uncomfortable it was to endure.

"Byakuya… sama." She turned her face up, a phantom smile flitting over her features for just a moment. Then her knees buckled, and she pitched forward.

It was not effort at all to catch her. In fact, he feared only what would happen if he was too strong in his handling of her. She was rail-thin, wispy in ways she had once been anything but—and so terribly, terribly fragile. He feared even the gentlest touch would break her.

"I'm… fine," she muttered into his shoulder, bracing her hands on his arms and trying to take back her own weight.

"Hisana," he croaked. "Please. Let me help you."

She was going to die. They both knew it, but in all the time he'd intellectually acknowledged that it would happen, he had never felt it so keenly as this. Even at her weakest, her most vulnerable, she had always held herself up. In every sense of the phrase.

He wished dearly now that she would sacrifice just a little bit of that independence to let him support her.

But instead she pushed off him, reestablishing the distance that always lingered between them, filled up by all her secrets and all her pride. Where she was concerned, he had none left. Her breaths were heavy, laborious, raspy. Even the simple, automatic act of living was difficult for her, now.

"I'm fine," she repeated on an exhale. Carefully, she let go of his sleeves and stepped back.

For a moment, she swayed, and he moved to support her again. She stopped him in his tracks with a look; and, though he knew not how, she righted herself again.

"How… is the division today, Byakuya-sama?"

"She still wouldn't tell you where she went?"

Byakuya shook his head. "No. I wanted to respect her privacy, and until that day, I had. But… I had her followed the day after. I found out she was making trips to Inuzuri."

Rukia poured herself another cup of tea, and filled his as well when she noticed that it was empty. "Did you confront her about it?"

"Yes." He paused to raise his teacup—his eyes were somewhere else. "She still would not tell me. It was difficult to argue with her, given her condition. But it also made it more difficult for her to hide things. It was then I first came to believe she was motivated by a guilt I could not possibly understand."

"Why wouldn't she tell you, though? By her own reasoning, the family's resources would have helped her search." It was odd to talk about, knowing that she herself was the subject of that quest—and already at Shin'ō at the time, most likely.

Byakuya's eyes met hers. "Because she was proud. Prouder even than I. And she would bend for no one." He lapsed into silence.

Rukia waited him out, sensing that there was more he wanted to say.

"There were many things about Hisana that I never knew." Byakuya's voice was soft in a way she usually did not associate with him. Rather than flat, it seemed to have a hint of sorrow to it, a faint tinge of blue-on-grey. "Some she simply would not say. Some, I did not think to ask."

Byakuya set his tea down. "In her, I found many things I needed. And many more I did not. But I do not know what she found in me. Why she loved me and not another. She hated sleeping because she did not wish to miss things. But she missed a great deal, spending so much of her time with me, and I never asked her what she really gained."

Rukia pursed her lips. "I didn't know her," she said slowly. "But I think she gained plenty."

He tilted his head at her.

"…Perhaps."

"So… how did you find out about me, then?"

Her hand was cold.

He'd opened the window for the spring warmth and the fresh air, but it did little for her. Hisana's breath was ragged, her complexion drawn and face wan in the extreme. Her illness had only accelerated in the last year, and not even Unohana's best efforts could break its hold. She'd been bedridden for three months.

Byakuya thought that this was what had finally broken her spirit. Without even enough strength to maintain her routine, her trips into the Rukongai, it seemed almost as though she'd just… given herself over to inevitability.

She turned her head to look at him, squeezing his fingers weakly. Her lip quirked. "Don't… show me that face," she murmured.

He lacked the wherewithal to respond.

"You wanted to know… why I went to Inuzuri." Her eyes fell away from his face, and she fixed them out the window.

"Yes," he rasped. Though he wasn't sure it mattered anymore.

Her eyes fell half-lidded, like they were too heavy to hold open. "I have… I had a sister, once. We were both… brought to Inuzuri after we died. She was just… just a baby." She had to pause, pushing and pulling several breaths from her lungs. "I didn't even remember her name, and she wasn't old enough to tell me. I…"

Hisana's whole body shuddered. Byakuya inched closer on his knees, rubbing his thumb along the back of her knuckles.

"I was selfish. Just like always. I… I left her behind. I couldn't… look after her and myself, too… and I wanted…" Another gulp of air. "I wanted so badly… to live." There was a bitter twist to her mouth.

"Eventually I… found a job, and a place to stay, and I… I realized what I'd done. I had to find her."

Suddenly, he could make sense of it. Her stubborn insistence on going to Inuzuri every day. Her equal obstinacy in keeping the task something for herself alone.

"You…" she huffed softly. "You—you're always so conscious of your family. You would… you would have starved or died before you did that." Her eyes closed slowly.

Byakuya went rigid, afraid for a moment that she would not open them again. But then he could see a sliver of blue-violet iris again, and relaxed just slightly.

"Byakuya-sama… please. Find my sister. Then after you find her… please do not tell her that I am her family." She swallowed; the action seemed to pain her. "Without telling her anything… please protect her, no matter what."

"Hisana—" He cut himself off when she started to speak again.

"I abandoned her, so I don't deserve to be her family, but… I hope that she can be yours. Like I was, for just a little while." She smiled thinly.

Byakuya felt something squeezing his chest, like climbing vines choking the life from a tree.

"Even at the very end… I am still asking more of you." She shook her head—several strands of lank hair fell in her face.

Byakuya bushed them away with trembling fingers.

"It looks like… I couldn't return your love after all. I'm sorry." Her eyes closed again. "But I wanted you to know… that these years with you… were like a dream for me. And I want… that dream for her, too." She pulled in a halting lungful of air.

"Thank you… Byakuya-sama."

Her chest fell as the breath left her, and her hand went limp in his.

It was quiet for a long time. Byakuya seemed to be lost to the memory. Rukia didn't think she should interrupt.

Instead, she turned her eyes down, to her tea. She couldn't imagine what he must have felt like. Even if their relationship wasn't exactly what everyone else thought it was… it was clear enough to her that it had been profound. Hisana had been there for him when no one else had understood how he felt. And… despite his belief to the contrary, Rukia thought that he'd been there for her sister, too.

Maybe… maybe she did understand, a little bit, what that was like. She thought she'd felt that kind of love before. Perhaps Hisana had been right, about that emotion having a thousand different faces. Her sister's love for Byakuya had been the kind that was always truthful, even when that meant being hard or disagreeable.

"Nii-sama," she said, glancing up.

He shifted, and it was like his whole being snapped back into focus.

"I… can't be Hisana. I'm not that much like her, I don't think. But… I can make you the same promise she did. That I'll always tell you the truth. That I won't be afraid just because of who you are." She, unlike Hisana, had been.

But somehow, she felt that she didn't have to be. She could choose not to be. They had the power to change what they were to each other—Hisana certainly had. And Rukia was tired of drinking tea with a stranger on Tuesdays.

Byakuya considered that. "Then… I will promise you something as well." He paused thoughtfully. "For as long as we are family, you need not fight your battles alone. I will strive to become as a brother should be… Rukia."

She nodded. That would be their kind of love. And Hisana would have her wish.

Notes:

That's a wrap on this one. I'd intended for it to have a snapshot feel, rather than being a whole narrated thing, and I wanted to keep the perspective to the characters who were alive in the framing device, since it wouldn't make sense for Byakuya to be telling Rukia a story from Hisana's perspective.

And yes, Hisana was aro/ace. I don't know how that became my headcanon, but there you have it. I think the whole thing hangs together pretty well with canon; I managed to use the vast majority of the canon lines in Hisana's dialogue during the death scene, plus a few more things to expand on it.

Younger Byakuya was a little more expressive than older Byakuya, which makes sense if you think of stoicism as something you might have to work at.

But anyway. I hope it was enjoyable, and if nothing else, it's a bit of background information and a bit of familial progress for Chaos Theory, so there's that.

The next fic will be Renji-centric. It's called Triple Point.

Reviews appreciated as always.