Deadpool Star Wars IV A New Ship
Chapter 1
Author's Note: As part of our one year birthday for Spider-Man One-Shots, we're uploading this new story. Please enjoy.
Ghost, Grey, Catherine and Luna walked through the great world corridor that looked like a cinema corridor. "Okay, what have we got this time?" Catherine asked
"Probably something involving magic, mythology and beasts." Luna answered
"Err...We've already SEEN that universe." Ghost answered pointing to a previous universe
"I want to see another one." She pouted
"Well...we might have a chance for that. Look at this one." Ghost pointed to a new door.
"Huh; this...this looks quite good." Catherine nodded
"Looks like Star Wars." Ghost added
"Sweet!" Grey smiled as the four entered
"YOO-HOO!" a fifth voice spoke from within the cinema
"Oh...NO!" Ghost chuckled but facepalmed
"Hey guys. How's it going?" the fifth voice, which was revealed to be Wade Wilson AKA Deadpool.
"Wade." Grey groaned, facepalming
"What...? You thought you could get rid of me after my last epic saga?" Wade asked
"Wade...you just fucked girls." Ghost groaned
"And what's wrong with that?" Wade asked
"Because you're being greedy." Grey replied simply
Wade pretended to be hurt to obtain sympathy "Well, if that's how you feel...I'll take my story ELSEWHERE!"
"Wade..." Ghost answered with a sigh "What story?"
'Please don't be stupid.' Grey mentally begged
"Imagine this: Me, travelling the cosmos, fighting galactic warlords, killing mob bosses, getting the girls...And a SHIT TONNE of cash!" Wade answered holding a HEAVILY edited script, that was rewritten in red crayon and passed it to host and Grey.
"And tell me, WHERE does this "intergalactic story" take place?" Ghost asked as they looked over she script.
"Easy: AU Marvel-Verse." Wade smiled, pointing to pictures of G-Cup labelled stick figures of alien women.
"... It says Star Wars here." Grey deadpanned
"Err...We're owned by Disney, shared universe." Wade answered
"They are not a shared universe." Grey deadpanned
"Grey, he's a sick mind so let's not try." Ghost sighed "Wade, I'm asking this kindly: PLEASE, go into the story."
He cheered, running into the screen
"You know, I'm glad he can just leap through the screen." Catherine sighed.
"One of the least crazy things he's ever done." Luna nodded
Ghost sighed and headed to the supply room. "There's coke in here Grey."
"I need a massive bottle to get me though this!" Grey told his friend
"Hmm...No bottles...But there's some of those rain collecting barrels which are each labelled 10 gallons. That enough for you?" Ghost answered
"Nope. But it'll have to do." Grey sighed dramatically
"And here is something for the ladies." Ghost produced some of the favourite food
"Thank you." they answered
"On with the story." Ghost and Grey called out
*In reality*
Space; filled with mostly nothing, but there are planets, stars and asteroids floating around. In a certain section of space a mercenary of great reputation is in a spaceship of his own as he wanted to visit the other end of the universe.
And then, in a flash of light, a less reputable mercenary appeared
"Hey, what the hell's going on here?" the first mercenary snapped
"Whoa that was a rush!" The mercenary laughed dressed in a simple red and black costume
The second mercenary was Deadpool, The Merc with The Mouth, The Regenerating Degenerate, Ninja Spider-Man and various other names.
"Wow...Look at THIS. THIS is nice; rustic, 1970's styled spaceship...I LIKE it." Wade smiled under his mask.
He nodded, looking over the place as he tapped his chin
"Now...let's see what we've got here..." Wade thought as he looked in the storage room of the ship, which held various weapons and trophies that looked alien and humanoid in origin. "Whoa, Han Solo in carbonite." Wade commented
"Wow I'm in the Star Wars universe! Sweet!" He cheered before putting C4 on Han, setting it up "Look Han ol' pal who I have never met, I've gotta say no to you living. You're awesome, I love ya, but how will I get any girls with you hanging around draining all of the attention?" He said as he prepared the explosions
"And may I just say: you had this coming. Ya shot first." He added
Walking away and leaving... The storage room exploded
"Ah...that felt good. Ha..."best bounty hunter in the galaxy". Right here!" Wade smiled but then was shot in the back with a dart "Ow...Wha...what just...Uh." Wade groaned as he felt the tranquilizer course through his spine.
"But Mommy I don't want to go to school today." He muttered before he passed out
*time skip*
Wade woke up slowly, his healing factor had kicked in, but this...whatever poison or tranquilizer was in his system, was foreign to him "Hmm...Ow...Did I wake up in Atlantic City again?" he joked before being zapped by what he thought was a cattle prod "OW! The hell?!" he snapped as his vision wasn't covered by his mask.
A deep heavy voice spoke with a laughter that could only be described as "sluggish". Wade heard the voice's source speak, it was a bunch of nonsense at first but he noticed the subtitles down below which read "So THIS is the person who stole Jabba's prize? Not much to look at."
"Hey, not to be picky but can you not use subtitle speak for this and just use English? It'll get confusing. OW! Watch it with that!" Wade asked the writers and got zapped again
"Yeah, he's the one...Blew up Solo without a second thought." The voice spoke
"Wait...Boba Fett?" Wade turned to the fabled bounty hunter "Nice to meet ya. GAH! That's it!" Wade spoke then was zapped again, which in turn he kicked the prod from the owner's hands and shoved it into the owner's chest piercing his heart, electrocuting him.
"Hold! He is skilled." the fat slug spoke
"Hey, Jabba...This how you treat your guests?" Wade snapped at the Hutt thinking it was the same iconic Hutt
"I am not Jabba. I am Rungra The Hutt: owner of Hutta." The Hutt spoke
"And you look exactly the same." He scoffed
"I have a cybernetic arm. Jabba does not." Rungra answered "Your skills...Could be of use to me."
"Listen buddy I may be a mercenary, but I'm NOT for sale." Wade answered
"Shame...You could've been worth more alive." Rungra answered pressing two buttons which caused Wade to fall through a disc through the floor and opened a wild animal.
"Oh well...FUCK YOU!" Wade shouted as he landed on the floor and his cuffs were broken off.
"Ya! It's broken! So now I can run!" Wade cheered
That was when a high screeching noise came from behind Wade...And it didn't sound small
"Oh...Shit." He looked behind him and saw a Nexu: a quadruped cur covered creature with four eyes on the side of its face like a spider and a very LARGE grin with razor sharp teeth.
He was silent... And then pulled out his guns, blasting at the creature
"Sorry beasty!" Wade commented as his bullets seemed to only wound but not kill the creature "The hell? These usually kill!"
The creature roared and lunged forward bearing its teeth.
"Oh crap!" Wade dodged the snapping teeth as he tried to find something as a weapon, which was in the shape of a broken leg bone of a large creature. "This better work!"
He stabbed the beast in the eye and then threw a grenade into its mouth
The creature swallowed the explosive and its stomach exploded while it fell to the ground dead
"Few...That...that was lucky..." Wade sighed
"... Why didn't I use my swords?" He suddenly realised
"THESE swords?" Rungra spoke as his assistant held two broken swords in their hands
"... YOU BROKE MY BABIES!" Wade roared in rage
"Oh sorry...But if you want weapons, go to the Bounty Hunter group." Rungra spoke sarcastically but spoke normally for the second part.
And he then began choking
"You. Don't. MESS. With. My. STUFF!" Wade gripped a rope around the fat Hutt's neck
The Hutt choked... And soon died.
"Y-You killed him!" the Hutt's group gasped and backed up
"Now...Who. The FUCK! Broke...My SWORDS?!" Wade snapped as he turned around
"Okay Boba Fett, YOU owe me a pair of katana!" Wade growled
The Mandalorian didn't respond except that it aimed its weapon at Wade.
"Oh please, fool me once and that shit." Wade answered
And then... He disappeared
"That DOUCHE...Break my swords, I take your ship...Though...What did slug-boy say about a Bounty Hunter guild?" Wade asked himself "And Han was in carbonite... When am I? If is this an alternate universe?"
*with the Writers*
"... Err... We didn't think of that." Grey sweatdropped
"Oh boy...err...Well, it looks like we'll have to make a plot for this." Ghost scratched his head
"Can't we just do what we did last time?" Wade shouted through the screen
"All you did was sleep with women; you REALLY want to do that in an AU Star Wars story?" Ghost asked
"Duh!" He called
"Okay... Look. Simple AU: Han was bagged before New Hope. Now get to Tatooine and help Luke!" Grey ordered
"Err, ONE problem: NO SHIP!" Wade answered
"Steal one!" Everyone yelled
"Oh yeah...But which one?" Wade pointed to three different ships:
One that looked like Boba Fett's ship, but dark orange and grey. It was a Firespray-31-class patrol and attack craft.
One that was a long horizontal "Y" in dark blue and light silver. It was a BT-7 Thunderclap.
And the final one was a YT-1300 light freighter with a red and black colour scheme.
"For those of you who don't speak Star Wars Ship Speak. A Firespray is Boba Fett's ship, the Thunderclap is a Military ship used by the republic in the old days and the YT-1300 is Han Solo's ship...Just not as modified." Ghost answered
"And I'll take the one that's screaming me." Wade laughed running onto the red and black YT-1300
"Figures." The writers and the girls spoke
"Now, let's see what this baby has got." Wade spoke searching his newly commandeered ship.
"PUSSYWAGGON GO!" he called, the ship blasting off at lightspeed
"Wade...Seriously? "Pussywagon"?" Ghost asked
"Screw you it's a great name!" Wade answered
"Have you checked your inventory?" Catherine asked
"No, why?" Wade asked
"Just check it Ryan Reynolds." Catherine commented
"Oh please, I'm not THAT good looking." Wade sighed and walked over to the inventory section of the ship. "Okay what am I...Oh...Shit."
"Don't move. You hijack MY hijacked ship...and claim it as your own?" a Twi'lek spoke. She appeared to be 18 with D-Cup breasts, Blue skin with dark blue markings. Her clothes were a pair of blue trousers with a white shirt, brown over-vest and finally black boots and gloves. In her hand was a blaster and it looked like it was only a simple one.
"Oh... Why hello." Wade smiled, looking the woman up and down with a smirk
"D-Don't! Don't come...ANY closer! I-I'm armed and I...I WILL shoot you!" The girl spoke as her hand shook lightly while holding it.
"No...No you're not. You're scared." Wade commented seeing the girl shake "What's your name?"
"What's it matter? You're not gonna stay long." The girl answered still shaking
"Easy, easy...I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm Wade." Said man spoke "Plus if you shoot nothing'll happen. I'll be fine." Wade smiled, putting his hand on her wrist and lowering it
The Twi'Lek girl began to choke up and dropped the blaster on the floor, he legs soon followed and she cried on the floor.
"Wow only known her for the minutes and already she's crying. New recorded." Wade joked lightly
"I-I'm sorry. *Sniff* I've never killed anyone." The girl answered crying "I've never STOLEN anything before!"
"Hey, hey, hey...It's okay. Newbies always get like this." Wade knelt down to her "Let's try this again; ahem, hello I'm Wade." he introduced himself and waited for the girl to answer
"I-I'm Tali." The Twi'Lek girl answered with a sniff
'I am suddenly picturing a sexy alien wearing a high tech suit with a purple glass visor... In wonder why.' He thought "Nice to meet you." He nodded
"So...why are you on my...this ship?" Tali asked
"Running from ass-hats." Wade shrugged simply "What about you?"
"I escaped...when you killed Rungra, you caused a power vacuum and freed the people under Rungra's rule. I escaped since I was the only one who had the key to Rungra's storage and exits. I took this smuggler's clothes and weapon...even a few supplies." Tali answered
"Wait...You were a slave?" Wade asked
"Slave is one word for it...I was also "entertainment", "food"...I could go on." Tali answered sadly
"Don't, NO-ONE deserves what you've been through. AND I think you deserve a lion's share of compensation." Wade answered "... Although you probably look beautiful in dat slave bikini." He said without thinking, his mind wandering to the famous image from the third movie and began to drool lightly
"Hmm..." Tali hummed as she was ashamed being reminded of that "uniform"
"Huh? Oh yeah...err...Want to come and help me with driving this bucket of bolts?" Wade asked wiping the drool from his lips "It'd be nice to have a co-piolet." He added "I'd drive myself even insaner... Is insane even a word?"
"I-I'd be co-pilot?" Tali asked
"Yep, front seat and all." Wade nodded
"O-Okay. Let's do it." Tali smiled wiping a tear from her eye.
"Then let's fly." Wade grinned
The beginning of a new story, the start of an adventure for Tali and Wade. Tune in next time for:
Starpool: The Rise and Return of the chimichanga!
To be continued
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