Deadpool Star Wars IV A New Ship
Chapter 8
Author's Note:
Thank you all for reading this story. For all of you wondering: this story will continue in another story. Haven't decided what to call it yet but we'll be working on it. Until then, please enjoy this final chapter.
The group were escorted to the War Room where they began to explain the battle plans on how to destroy the Death Star. Wade sighed as he saw the graphics for the Death Star were VERY 1970's...He almost wanted to give it a kick in the pants to update it to 3D graphics.
'At least I'm not in the special editions... Right? Right?' He thought in relief and then fear
"No Wade, this isn't the Special Editions. Pure 1977-1983 Original Timeline." Ghost answered to reassure the mercenary.
"Oh thank God!" He cheered... In the middle of the debrief and battle plan
"Well...I'm glad you like the idea of us using a small one manned fighter to destroy the Death Star." The head Rebel spoke
"I... Err... Yea, that plans great!" Wade nodded "But Darth Vader is on that ship and he is very... He is Sith-ey. So I have a plan to leave him out of the battle!"
"YOU have a plan to take Lord Vader out of the battle?" the leader spoke
"Hey! Me and Chara call him out for a fight and distract him!" Wade smiled
"Err...Do I get a say in this?" Chara gulped in worry.
"Don't worry, I'm gonna protect you." Wade answered with a smile "Plus you're a badass Jedi, you've got this!"
"I...Thank you..." Chara blushed
"That sounds like it will work." Leia nodded
"So we have part of a plan." The leader spoke
"Er... No. Whole plan. I distract Vader, a bunch of ships distract the empire and a small one man ship blows the giant space boob up." Wade deadpanned
"I...Never really realized the Death Star looked like a giant boob until now." Leia pointed out with the rest of the Rebels agreeing.
"Oh WHAT? Can't I even beat a giant mono-boob of death for breast size?" Chara frowned heavily
"Next thing you know we'll have giant boob-nipple guns on Hoth." Leia sighed
Wade was holding back snickers at that
"Should we write that down?" a mechanic spoke to his friend who nodded writing that suggestion down.
"So while Mr Wilson and his crew are distracting Darth Vader we'll try and detonate the Death Star." The Rebel Leader spoke
"Everyone understand?"
"Understood." The group answered
"Wade, can I ask you something?" Chara asked
"Sure, what is it?" Wade responded as they walked outside. "What did you want?"
"This...Goes against the teaching of the Jedi...But...It feels right." Chara spoke
"What does?" Wade asked only to receive a passionate kiss from her.
Wade grinned, holding her tight and groping her ass
"Hmm..." Chara moaned happily and broke the kiss
"I think you liked that VERY much." Wade smiled
"I...I did..." Chara blushed
"Good. Screw the Jedi code." He grinned
"I think I just did..." Chara teased and kissed him again.
'Oh come ON!' Tali and Liara thought as they pouted
Wade turned to the two and winked
"I think our time is cumming." Tali smiled as she rubbed her thighs
"Don't you mean oh..." Wade asked at the technical error but then caught on. "Awesome!" He cheered
*time skip*
"Are you ready to go into the unknown?" Leia asked as Wade was stocking the ship
""Unknown"? Princess we were there less than a couple of days ago." Wade answered "But yeah...Yeah we're ready to kick Vader's ass."
Be safe." She nodded, cupping his cheek
"Hey...It's me." Wade gave a bookish grin "Al aboard we're gonna kick some Sith Ass!" he called out.
And then he was pulled into a kiss by Leia
"Hmm..." Wade moaned happily
"Try not to die...I've got more where that came from." Leia spoke breaking the kiss.
"Looking forward to it." She smiled
"Excuse me Princess." Liara spoke as she was carrying weapons in case of any Storm Troopers that'll try and dock the ship. "Thanks."
"Think that's enough firepower?" Leia asked
"Honey, there's no such thing as "Never enough fire power"." Wade smiled "See you back in a while."
He smacked her ass and ran into the ship with a cheeky grin
"You...!" Leia blushed but smiled knowing that it was all in a seductive jest. "Everyone: battle stations!"
Luke smiled as be ready himself, R2 being connected to his X-Wing
"Ready R2?" Luke asked, to which the droid responded positively "Then let's go."
Luke got in the cockpit and put his helmet on, ready
*time skip, with the Pussy Wagon*
"Do you think he got our challenge?" The female Jedi asked as she landed on a planet
*a few hours earlier, with Vader*
The black cloaked, and armoured, man opened a file sent to his systems to find a video. It was Wade
"Hey Bucket head! Me and a sexy female Jedi are going to be on THIS PLANET." Wade said as the coordinates appeared next to the merc's head "Come and have a go if you aren't chicken!" Wade then turned around and spanked his ass before the call ended
*now, Pussy-Wagon*
"I think he got it." Wade smirked
"You're suicidal; you know that right?" Liara spoke with a deadpanned look.
"Can't be suicidal if you can't die." He smirked
"Yeah about that-" Liara asked
"Hold up, we're approaching the planet." Wade interrupted "I'll explain about how I can't die later. I've got some Vader whupping to do."
"... Will he be okay?" Xara asked
"He's gonna be fine. He's our Captain." Tali spoke with a smile.
"See? Have a little faith. Louise, Misty: are you in position?" Wade spoke through his headset to different parts of the ship
"I'm in position Captain." Louise spoke as she readied on the guns
"Same here Sir." Misty added
"Great." Wade smirked, feeling confident "Now, no matter what happens: keep the ship out of Vader's range and keep blasting Empire Ships, we need to show Princess that we're not just sitting on our arses." Wade added
"Right." Everyone nodded
"Liara: You and Tali take the controls, Chara you're with me on the ground. Xara: you keep the ship functional, I gave you a "mechanic's repair" upgrade between chapter transitions." Wade gave other orders while breaking the 4th wall.
"Between what?" Xara asked in confusion
"Landing coming up." Wade spoke
And then he jumped out of the ship.
"Take over!" Tali spoke as she and Liara grabbed the controls
"Captain, I REALLY hope you know what you're doing." Liara added through her com-link
"Don't worry, how pissed can Vader be?" Wade asked as he brandished his new lightsaber.
*with Vader*
"Lord Vader, are you CERTAIN you want to do this?" A Storm Trooper asked
"I'm certain. I will NOT have people insult my power or my position!" Lord Vader answered
Vader was in his TIE-Fighter, flying at high speed
*Back on the planet*
"Captain...Maybe you should see what your lightsaber can do. I don't want you being killed by Lord Vader." Chara spoke.
"Please, I've got these baby's!" Wade smiled, pulling out his katanas
"Well...Only if you're sure." Chara spoke as she held her own lightsaber in her hands.
Wade nodded with a smirk
"Whoop. He got my message." Wade pointed to the TIE-Fighter that was zooming down towards them
'... Why do I feel like I'm about to fight Thanos?' He thought, sweating as the ship landed
As the TIE-Fighter's doors lowered exposing some well placed fog spilling out from it's hydraulics, the sound of a heavy breathing apparatus was heard...It was like the whole world had gone silent and that was the only sound that was heard along with the sounds of slow heavy steps. It was like the coming of the end...The sounds of death, doom and destruction.
*With the writers*
Ghost's back shivered heavily along with Catherine's as they held each other "God DAMN! That gets me EVERY time!"
"Kind of exciting though; right?" Catherine teased
"Oh hell yeah." Ghost smiled
"Wade... You done fucked up." Grey chuckled softly
*Back in reality*
"Yeah...I done fucked up." Wade gulped seeing Darth Vader approach them.
Vader's entire aura was dark and powerful; it was like the universe was fighting against them.
And then in a burst of light, he activated his Lightsaber.
"Oh...Shit." Wade gulped
"Captain!" Chara activated her lightsaber and readied herself for Darth Vader's attack.
She held her purple Lightsaber, ready to battle
"Very Sam L Jackson. Ready Mr 7-Foot-Asthmatic-Ass?" Wade asked brandishing his katana only for him to have his throat being crushed by Vader's force-choke.
Wade began to hack and choke, throwing his blades at Vader and shooting
Vader stopped the items in mid-flight and redirected them to the sides of him and he turned his attention to Chara. "As soon as he is dead, YOU will join me." Vader spoke
"Never!" She snarled, stabbing him in the gut. Or tried to as he blocked the slash
"You have a passion, use it. Try and strike me down padawan." Vader spoke as he pushed her back while maintaining the grip around Wade's neck.
"I am no Padawan! And you will not hurt him!" She yelled, slashing faster in a variety of directions
'Think Wade... Got it!' He thought, rolling a grenade to Vader's feet without him noticing
Chara quickly glanced down at Vader's feet and jumped backwards as to dodge the explosion. Vader looked down, saw the device and released his grip on Wade to escape the blast but he was just a fraction too slow and was caught in the explosion.
He was sent flying, bouncing on the ground for a few feet as Wade landed panting for air
"Listen...I like auto-erotic asphyxiation as much as the next sane guy...but THAT was just crazy!" Wade coughed aiming his katana at the Sith Lord.
"Auto what?" Chara asked
"I'll tell you later." Wade answered "Time for some slicey-slice!" he ran over to Vader getting ready to cut him.
But as he slashed down... Vader cut his katana's in half
The world seemed to slow down as Wade watched his beloved swords be decimated in front of his very eyes
As the world slowed for Wade, Vader began to raise his lightsaber to kill Wade for insulting him in that message. Chara went in to block the attack but was too slow as she saw Wade being pierced and cauterized by the space age plasma sword.
Wade screamed; falling to the floor as the blade was pulled out of his body. When the blade stabbed him it also destroyed his machine guns, the wrecked weapons fluttering around him. Wade now lay there, bleeding out and seemingly dead
'Sh-Shit! I...I can't die here! I'm the hero!' Wade thought breathing through the pain
"Now, little one..." Vader spoke and tried to probe her mind for answers "WHERE are your cohorts?"
"Y... You know... THAT was a dick move Anakin-wanakin." Wade joked as he slowly pulled himself up, his body healing
"Oh please bucket head, you and I both know you're that whiney brag Anakin who hates sand. Because it's rough, course and it gets everywhere." Wade scoffed, hating having to quote the prequels as his wound healed before their eyes
"You...I'll crush you like an INSECT!" Vader roared as he lifted a VERY large chunk of earth from the ground aiming to crush Wade.
"Just so you know I actually felt my soul die a little when I said that." Wade quickly quipped as he pulled out his lightsaber as the large amount of earth was thrown at him, seemingly crushing him
"Enough!" Vader panted heavily as he turned his attention to Chara
"I...I like "Anakin"...It's a nice name." Chara spoke trying to get her breath back.
"Then you'll join him..." Vader spoke but heard the sound of a lightsaber cutting through bedrock.
The large boulder was carved by what could only be described as: A red and black lightsaber with cross-guards.
Wade panted as he stood up, looking down at his Lightsaber
"O...Kay...THIS is one hell of a colour." Wade spoke "But isn't this a little No. VII for this series?"
"Wade, do you want your hands cut off? Also its design is based BEFORE VII's timeline." Ghost answered
Grey gave Ghost a deadpanned look
"Grey, I will ask you only this: In a lightsaber battle do you want protections for your hands or will you risk it? Also I've checked the mythos, IT IS canon." Ghost responded
"Disney abolished the extended continuity." Grey reminded
"Ah...I...Fuck." Ghost sighed heavily "...Kick his ass Wade."
"Will do!" Wade cheered as he pulled out Obi-Wan's Lightsaber as well, glad be grabbed it as they ran from the Death Star
"Obi-Wan's lightsaber..." Darth Vader snarled as he spun his own lightsaber around and struck towards Wade but he was blocked by Wade's technique
"Nice try Anakin...But I sat through the god awful prequels!" Wade slashed "And now it's time for payback!"
As Wade and Chara struck towards Vader to overpower him, we head to the "PussyWagon" who seem to be kicking ass among the Rebels.
"This is awesome!" Liara cheered
"Yeah it is. I always wondered what it would be like to shoot Imperial bad guys." Tali smiled
"Hey!" Louise and Misty groaned
"Sorry." Tali responded
"Excuse me; we are receiving a message from an Imperial ship." Xara spoke
"Who is it?" Liara asked as she continued shooting
"His name is Gary and he wants to leave without getting blown up." Xara answered
"I dunno...Can he be trusted?" Liara asked
"I know Gary, he's a nice guy." Misty answered "Tell him he can pass...and tell him I said "Hi to Jessica"."
"Err...Okay..." Xara answered
"REALLY? What does "Gary the Storm Trooper" bring to the table? He sounds like a comic relief!" Louise answered
"He could be used against the Empire if this goes tits up!" Misty answered
*meanwhile, in the Marvel Universe*
"ACHOO!" HYDRA Bob sneezed violently, nearly falling over "I feel like someone's ripping me off."
*back to the story*
"Misty, if this fucks up; I'll fuck you...up. Got it?" Liara commented
'Kinda hoping it does now...' She thought
That was when Luke flew close to the Death Star and fired at the small port, hitting
"I've got the port let's get outta here!" Luke spoke through his com-link
"Good job kid!" Tali smiled
And in seconds the Death Star began to explode
"Yes!" Liara cheered
"WHOO-HOO!" Tali cheered
'Err...I'm fifty/fifty on how to feel about this.' Both Louise and Misty thought
*With Wade and Chara*
Wade was singing a lot of subtle little annoying songs as he slashed at Vader
"Do. You. Ever. Stop. TALKING?!" Vader roared as he blocked and struck at Wade
"No; it's my gift to the world." Wade laughed
Chara giggled, kicking Vader in the face before Wade slashed him across the chest
"ARGH!" Vader groaned as his chest hurt and he used the Force to push the two back several feet. And then he slammed his hand into the ground causing the earth to split underneath Chara and Wade.
Seeing the damage on his suit he ran off
He retreated to his ship, knowing he couldn't risk more damage to his life support, before he goes off
"C-Captain!" Chara yelled as she was falling into the crevice of Darth Vader's design
"Hold on!" Wade leaped over and grabbed her hand "Gotcha! Don't let go, I'm pulling you up!"
Chara nodded as Wade slowly pulled her up, being as careful as he could
"Here...We...Go...!" Wade pulled her up, even as the ground holding him was crumbling away. "Grab the ledge!"
Chara grabbed a sturdy bit of earth and helped pull herself up and get her footing back, she panted heavily in relief and fear.
"Oh... Oh my... B... By the force... I felt so scared..." She whispered, Wade laying next to her and hugging her
"Hold on...We're not outta the woods yet." Wade spoke as he bridal carried her and ran as the floor began to crumble. "Captain to the PussyWagon: we need pick up! Vader's taken a powder and left us on a crumbling ridge!"
"Huh? What're you talking about?" Tali asked
"Vader's caused a deep ridge and left us stranded! Pick us UP!" Wade answered through his com-link
"On it!" Liara nodded, ending the call
"Hanging on okay?" Wade asked as he cradled Chara
"I...I'm fine..." She blushed looking up at him
He smiled, kissing her to make her feel better. But inside? Wade Wilson felt broken.
'Is this how Luke felt after his first bout with his daddy?' Wade asked himself
Soon the PussyWagon flew close, opening a hatch on the bottom
"Come on you two! That stuff can wait." Liara shouted down extending her hand to them.
Wade smiled and reached up, grabbing her hand
As they safely entered their ship they flew off back to Yavin IV where the rest of the rebels were awaiting the other heroes.
Wade sighed, laying on his bed
"What's the matter Captain?" Xara asked kindly
"I got my ass kicked." He deadpanned
"What can we do to rectify it?" Xara asked kindly as she sat next to him.
"Go back in time and cut his head off?" Wade sighed
"I'm not certain we CAN use time travel." Xara answered "And the theoretical implications alone warrant caution."
"I was being sarcastic." Wade frowned
"Would having an "orgy" make you feel better?" Xara suggested
"...I'm surprised that you know the word." Wade went wide eyed
"I began expanding my vocabulary during my inebriation." Xara answered
"... Your what?"
"I learned some new words after you fucked me." Xara answered simply
"... Ah." He nodded "Well...I won't say "no" to an orgy...But...I'm just not feeling it at the minute." Wade sighed
NOW the girls were suspicious and worried
"Captain..." Chara frowned
"I just need a minute. I'll be fine." Wade spoke trying to reassure them.
He had lost. So utterly. Yes he got back up. He kept right. Because he was Deadpool. But his weapons were gone. His costume was ribbons of thread hanging from his body. He had been sent to the floor dying nearly ten times.
'God damn it!' He groaned and just looked sadly at the ceiling.
"Don't let him hear that. He's STILL got that lightsaber." Ghost added
"As if he'll use it." Grey scoffed "This whiney bitch I see is too much of a pussy to use one. Deadpool would use it. This guy's? He'd be too scared he'd hurt himself."
"Grr...! Get over here GreyKing! I'll slice you like a salami!" Wade slashed through the screen with his red-black lightsaber.
"...Just HAD to push him didn't you?" Ghost deadpanned
"... Good to have you back Wade." Grey smiled
"You two REALLY know how to get on a guy's nerves don't ya?" Wade asked
"That's the point dude." Grey smiled "Now you gonna be a pussy or are you gonna be the Badass Merc with a Mouth?"
"I am NO pussy! I PLOW pussy! I'm Wade FUCKING Wilson! I'm DEADPOOL!" Wade rebutted in anger
"THAT'S the Wade we know and laugh with. Which just so happens we've got a Deus Ex Machina in our sleeves." Ghost added revealing a fully new set of armour.
Along with the armour was a set of high energy laser sub-machine gun's which also became small hand cannons, some Lightsaber paint and a replacement Force Crystal for Obi-Wan's old Lightsaber so he could duel wield
"That...Looks...AWESOME!" Wade beamed seeing the new gear.
"Boys..." Luna sighed with a kind smile
"Oh yeah..." Catherine agreed
*With Wade's girls*
"I hope Captain is okay." Misty frowned while sitting with the other girls.
"He said just needs time." Louise spoke
"He was... Strange." Tali sighed
"Ha! As if!" Wade scoffed as he kicked the door open and walked out
Wade came in wearing his new Force User armour with both blaster holders and lightsaber holsters
The Lightsabre's were strapped to his thighs and his guns where set on his back in an x shape
"Well, what d'ya think of the new look?" Wade smiled
'Take us now...!' the girls thought with a bright blush
Wade grinned at that, he was gonna have some fun.
"Just one thing: I'm not bound to the Jedi code am I?" Wade quickly asked breaking the fourth wall
"You're worried about that NOW?" Ghost asked
"I AM wearing a Jedi garb." Wade answered
"No, you're not. You're...like a Sith but with your own code." Ghost answered
"You're not a Jedi. You're Wade Wilson, the badass. Plus there are kinda... sorta... no Jedi." Grey shrugged
"Sweet as FUCK!" Wade cheered and returned back to reality "Ladies...The captain is BACK!"
The end
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