Let Him Eat Cake!
A DBZ Oneshot Fanfic

A/N: Originally posted on the dbzhell tumblr on January 17, 2016 as part of a request prompt.

Prompt: Cake (Goku & Chi-Chi)

When the door squeaked open, the light of the hallway filtering into the dark bedroom, and the creaking of the floorboards hit her ears, Chi-Chi knew that sleep would be out of reach for a while yet. With a quiet sigh, she sat up and switched on the lamp next to the bed, illuminating the room in a bright glow and causing Goku to freeze in his tracks. He stood halfway between the door and the bed, dressed in nothing but a pair of boxers, eyes wide with fright, with the cake she had made earlier that evening resting in his hands, display plate and all.

"Chi-Chi!" he gasped, voice high pitched and reflecting the fright that shown on his features. She glared and crossed her arms, anger quickly bubbling within her. She had almost been asleep, darn it! And Kami knew that she needed it after watching Goten, Trunks, and Marron that day. "Listen, I can explain!"

"You're not bringing that to bed, Goku," she said, voice flat and stern, her glare daring him to disobey her. "If you must have cake, eat it downstairs in the kitchen."

Goku let out a loud groan, his shoulders slumped and his head thrown back slightly. "But Chi," he whined, louder than probably he should – they had three children sleeping in the house who had been a pain to convince to go to bed in the first place. "The kids are sleeping in the living room. If I ate in the kitchen, I'll wake 'em up!"

Well, at least he hadn't completely forgotten about them.

Chi-Chi shook her head and sat up straighter. "No, Goku," she repeated. "You are an incredibly messy eater and I will not deal with crumbs in the bed! That's how roaches and other pests end up crawling under the covers while we sleep!" She shuddered at the memories of the few times she had woken up with bugs crawling up her legs. That had been back in their early days of marriage and she had long since learned that lesson.

He winced and nodded, recalling those nights as well. While the prospect of bugs crawling over him didn't bother him much (or at least nowhere near as much as it bugged his wife), her loud shrieks had left his ears ringing for weeks. He looked down at the cake, deep in thought for a moment, before smiling brightly towards Chi-Chi. "What if we use that plastic cover? Like we do whenever we decide to mix in food with –"

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" she snapped, interrupting him. "I'm not about to go dig that thing out and put it on the bed! It's too uncomfortable to sleep on." At his incredulous look, as he always complained whenever she insisted on using it, she sighed and shook her head. "Besides, it has a hole in it because someone decided to be rough last time."

"You wanted me to go blue!"

"That doesn't excuse the giant hole in the cover! Do you realize how expensive it was?"

Goku let out a huff of air and grumbled under his breath. He had apologized for it at least ten times since the incident. One idea shot, he looked down at the cake again – red velvet, all freshly baked and homemade, the sweet sugary smell assaulting his nose. He had been dying for a slice of it since Chi-Chi had started baking it, but once she had finished the kids decided to get into a huge fight and…

He quickly walked towards the bed and gently placed the display plate onto the nightstand. Once he was sure that it wouldn't topple over, he crawled into the bed and moved in close to his wife, keeping low so that he had to look up at her. "Please, Chi?" he begged, snaking his arms around her midsection. "Pretty please?"

Chi-Chi glared down at her husband, well aware of what he was trying to pull. He pushed himself as close to her as he could, his large arms and chest radiating heat through her nightgown as he pressed himself against her. He rested his chin right on top of her cleavage and looked up at her with large, innocent eyes, a small pout tugging on his lower lip.

Well, if he thought that was going to work, he had another thing coming.

"No."

"I'll let you eat half?"

"You know very well that I can't. And what would the kids think if the entire cake vanished?"

"Just one slice?"

"If you only wanted a slice, why did you bring up the entire cake?"

"Come on, Chi!"

"No!" The finality of her tone was enough to dissuade further arguing. Goku huffed and detangled himself from her, brow furrowed and an immature frown marring his features. She rolled her eyes at his antics and repositioned herself so she was lying down once again. "Now take that cake back down to the kitchen and go. To. Sleep." She rolled over onto her side and closed her eyes, determined to get at least a few hours of rest.

The mattress creaked and shifted next to her, her husband grumbling as he pushed himself off the bed. A small tink filled the air as he picked up the display plate, and then… silence. No footsteps, no floorboard squeaks, no more mumbling. Her eyes cracked open as a sense of foreboding lurched in her gut.

"Hey, Chi-Chi?"

She growled and sat up, turning around to shoot down whatever new argument he had come up with – only to have the entire cake shoved into her face. She froze as his loud rambunctious laughter filled the room.

Hands shaking with barely contained rage slowly reached up and pushed as much of the cake as they could from her face. She blinked several times in order to clear the frosting from her vision, and then glared hard at Goku, who was still cackling by the bed. "I'm going to kill you," she growled, voice dangerously low.

Goku's laughter came to an abrupt stop as she lunged off the bed and tackled him to the ground, globs of cake getting shoved into his face in the process.