Summary:

He had loved once, he would never love again.

Rating: K+

Warning:

nothing special, maybe heart-breaking

Author's Note:

No graphic violence? What's happening to me?

Disclaimer:

Everything, that in some way sounds like JK Rowling (characters, plot, dialogues, etc.) belongs to her.

I take no credit for the quote. I got it from a fanart. If the artist is offended by this, please tell me and I'll remove it.

The mistakes (spelling, grammar, whatever) are mine, though. So, if you find some which escaped me, please send them back. I'll care for them.

Silent Heart

Chapter 1 – Sorrow

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

He still remembered the first time he saw her. The long red hair moving slightly in the summer breeze. The bright green, almond shaped eyes, shining in the sunlight. The smile on her face. The laughter from her mouth, warm as the sun above. No one else had ever managed to touch his heart in this way. He had been only eight years old back then. But he already knew he would never ever forget her.

Lily Evans was her name. Lily, the flower of beauty and elegance. He couldn't think of a better name for her. She had brought light into his darkness, the only light he ever had. And then he had extinguished it. First in his fifth year, for himself. Now forever, for everyone else.

They had been close friends, once. So close. She could talk for hours, and he would listen. He would forget the world around him, and the pain and dangers it held. Only Lily mattered back then. Her presence. Her soft voice. Her kind eyes, filled with happiness.

And all it took for their friendship to fall into pieces was a single word. One word, spoken out of anger. He hadn't meant it, of course. He had told her so, tried to convince her. But she wouldn't listen.

He had always dreaded that this would happen one day. That she would choose someone else over him.

The day of her wedding came, though it was not him standing beside her. She had chosen James Potter. Potter, out of all!

He watched her dancing with her husband from the shadows. He didn't dare show himself, spoil her happy day with his presence. As he knew he would.

She looked beautiful in her long, white dress. Her eyes shone brighter than the sun. Her laughter brought magic to this place in a way no charm could have done.

He couldn't decide what to think, what to feel. On one hand he was disappointed that it was not him dancing with her. He was angry, too. With himself, for ruining their friendship. With Potter, for bringing him in this situation that day. And a little bit, just a little bit, with Lily, for choosing that git. She could have had everyone. If not him, than at least someone less arrogant, someone less … Gryffindor-ish.

On the other hand he felt happy, for her. She was cheerful, so he was as well. It had always been like this. No matter how angry, upset, or scared, he was, as soon as he saw her smile, it all disappeared. Like the wind blew away the clouds to reveal the sun.

He didn't know what pained him more. The disappointment, her happiness he could not really share this time, or the mere sight of Potter. Whatever it was, it threatened to bring tears to his eyes. And he couldn't allow himself to cry here.

With a last sad glance he turned around and left. Back then he had had no idea this would be the last time he would see her alive.

A year had passed since her death now. Once again he found himself kneeling in front of her grave. Red leaves covered the ground around him. Red like her hair had been. A single tear ran down his cheek at the memory of this picture.

I'm sorry, Lily, he thought, but couldn't find the strength to speak the words aloud. Too painful was the guilt, nagging at his heart. He had tried to fight it off, tried to bury his heart in ice. It numbed the pain for a short while, but it never really worked.

He remembered a saying he had once heard. "For it was not into my ears you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Well, they had never kissed, but apart from that, every word was true. She had touched his soul in a way no one else ever had. She had been the only person who hadn't left shadows and scars on it.

For a year now, since the night she had died, something inside him was missing. Her death had left a hole behind. A hole not even his vow to protect her son could fill entirely. His heart had been filled with silence ever since. A silence he had never felt before.

"I wished I could follow you to where you are", he whispered. His eyes moved from her name on the gravestone to his right wrist. Two parallel scars crossed his pale skin, right above the arteries. No, not now. "But before I do so, I give everything to protect your son. I promise you."

Then he took out his wand and pointed it at the ground in front of her name. A small, fresh green leave came out of the earth. It grew several inches and started to bloom. Soon a fully grown lily with pure white blossoms decorated the grave.

He remained kneeling on the ground for a few more minutes, silently staring at the flower. Then he turned to leave again.

Seems a bit short to me, considering it took me four days to write. As I said, I'm not made for non-violent stuff, sad as it is.

Well, I hope you enjoyed anyway. Please review! I won't get any other form of payment.