Maya rocked the carrier with her foot containing her six-week old daughter sleeping soundly inside while her son nursed in her arms. Riley contently listened, nodding to everything Maya had said as there wasn't anything more helpful right at that moment than listening to everything her friend had to say that she had felt.

PPD had been a huge factor in Maya's life at the moment and she felt as if she was burdening her husband by projecting her worries on him and Riley. They were both willing to listen, but she had felt as if in the weeks that her twins had been born, her and Josh had been somewhat pushed apart. Maya's behavior felt as if it was putting a strain on their marriage as well as the children, and Josh felt that this was one life lesson that his older brothers could not have prepared him for.

Of course he knew parenting wasn't going to be easy, that was a given. But he hadn't expected to be pushed to new limits of frustration and new techniques of compromises that showed that some of their parenting ideas weren't so similar. One thing they did agree: That this would not be a fifty-fifty share of anything, but equal partnership in every task including diaper duty and bottle feeding, which Josh could do when Maya could not be home to pump.

"Maya, none of this is your fault! It's the ever present, so called 'Joys' of parenting."

"That's what some clueless, single therapist called it." Maya grumbles, feeling tears sting the back of her eyes in frustration as she refused to let them slip.

"Mistakes don't define us, but help us shape ourselves from the lessons we learn. And you're learning that parenting isn't easy and you're going to mess up, but no one is perfect. You're going to turn out just fine as long as you make sure that you talk to your husband about how you're feeling." Riley assures her.

Ezra stirs from Maya's chest, sleepily searching for her breast again after letting go, whimpering a little as Maya readjusts him, getting ready to feed Eloise. Riley's son was now seven months old and looking everything like his momma, from the deep brown eyes to a fine, fluffy coat of brown hair, and a smile that stretched from cheek to cheek when he smiled. His eyes had a certain twinkle in them, lighting up almost as intensely as Lucas' did when he looked still so madly in love with his wife.

"Girls?" Topanga asks in surprise, waltzing past Riley's old room with a basket of freshly washed towels and stopping in the doorway.

"Hey, Mrs. Matthews." Maya waves nonchalantly, setting Ezra back in his seat and lifting Ellie from hers.

"You girls do realize you're grown adults, right?"

Riley and Maya look to each other, flashing a quick smile before looking back at her mother, aged quite a bit despite being a younger mother for Riley's age.

"Of course Mrs. Matthews! We just like to come back to make sure we don't lose our childlike wonder. It's our childhood and this place here, your home and the bay window, that helped shape us. It's where we can return for safety."

Topanga smiles, the lines around her blue eyes smiling gently just as her full lips did, a reassuring and comforting smiling Topanga had always had, one that comforted the younger girls and made them feel safe. As she left Maya sighs, turning back to Riley.

"I...I had a dream last night, and I'm not sure what it meant. But I woke up in tears Riles, and I don't know if it was based off something that's been happening in my actual life! What do I make of this?"

Maya felt close to tears just thinking about what had set her off last night. Maybe it had been the fact that she woke up to find Josh not in bed, but instead in the nursery, a slight panic hitting her chest when she first awoke, her haunting childhood memories playing mind games with her. She sat up and breathed heavily, her hauntingly beautiful eyes full of stress and fear, angst in which she could not ease.

She knew the tell tale signs, or at least she thought she did. When her dad had left there hadn't been much warning, and she had only been six. He went out for a walk and never returned, and everything seemed fine up until that, as far as she knew. But of course Katy had been protecting her to keep her from feeling like it was her fault. Kermit had not felt ready for a family and she was worried Josh would feel the same way after the stress of providing for twins and two adults. God would never give them more than they could handle, but what would be Josh's breaking point if he were to reach one?

Kermit leaving had not been and was not Maya's fault, he had not felt good enough for his family. What if Maya had made Josh feel that way since there wasn't much other than comfort he could give her when she felt down on herself. And even then she could tell he felt helpless and useless to her, wanting so badly to help, the want big in his eyes but backs away upon request.

"He needed a 'walk' in the dream, Riles. My dad needed a 'walk'. What's in common is when things get tough, everyone seems to feel the need to disappear for awhile, like a long walk is gonna solve their life problems. The only difference is that I didn't wake up from the dream of my dad leaving; I'm living it."

"Maybe Josh was just overwhelmed? Everything that's going on between you two is causing so much worry it's making its way into your dreams."

"He's overwhelmed?! I'm thinking we both should be equally." Maya scuffs in disbelief, cringing at the thought of her c-section scar across her abdomen and the excruciating pain that had followed the weeks of recovery.

"It would take a real coward to leave his family when the going gets tough. But I don't think he would leave to hurt you Maya. Maybe he left because he knew it would hurt more to tell you in person that he didn't feel good enough. But this is normal for a new baby to test a relationship, and don't read too much into a little dream being a sign that he's not happy. If something is bothering either one of you, talk about it. It's the only way to hopefully open up a communication line between you two."

Maya smiles, surveying the brunette, her eyes still as bubbly as when she was a teen, her personality still lively despite getting up each night to feed her son, as if motherhood hadn't aged her one bit. They lean in a hug, knowing and thankful that even motherhood hadn't change their 'extraordinary relationship', but were support for each others as mothers, and now as family, Maya becoming Riley's aunt by marriage.

"You know, you're definitely your father's child. You always know just what to say, and when not to say anything at all." Maya slightly teases her, but also meaning it.

"We now know that the most important part of any relationship is still 'C'; Conversation." Riley smiles back.

-XXX-

Maya hadn't wanted anyone to visit her the day her twins were born, not even Riley, her mom, or any of the Matthews, and even when she had returned home four days later, she wanted to be left alone, the new mom guilt game strong. She rocked in the nursery, silently staring into the light colored walls until her husband stood in the doorway and cleared his throat.

Maya didn't feel like a mother, even by feeling the touch of her newborn's soft and small hands on her chest, and she felt nervous, like she was balancing on the edge of a cliff. The sound of her own children crying both broke her heart and left her feeling helpless when she tried everything to calm them and couldn't just because they were fussy.

She knew she loved her children, that was something she had known she felt deep down from the day she found out she was pregnant. But until she had actually held them for the first time did it become more real, and for the first time she felt that she could breathe. After living nine months in the dark, fearful even after being reassured several times by her Obstetrician, she laid awake often, concentrating on feeling any lack of movement from her babies.

Now, two months after her babies were born, she lay in bed with an overwhelming sadness washing over her, feeling so nauseous that only crying could make her feel better. She didn't understand why the need to cry felt so sufficient to curing her nausea, but she knew a good cry would at least cure some of her physical feelings, not the emotional ones.

But when Maya came down with the flu, she thought her world felt like it was over. Not caring for the twins made her feel like a terrible mom, whether she could control the situation, (Choosing to lay in bed and drag her feet at work) or not, (Like the flu). Josh constantly assured her it wasn't something in her control and that it did not make her a bad mom, but Maya insisted until the point of exhaustion that she had been fine, that she had just been overwhelmed.

"Hey beautiful," Josh grabs Maya and pulls her in, hugging her snugly around her waist, and making Maya feel skeptical and uncomfortable about her leftover 'baby' weight once again.

Josh notices Maya's flushed face, her blue eyes weary and aged with exhaustion, the wrinkles around them making it apparent that she hadn't slept for a great while. Her lips shivered uncontrollably, bouncing up and down despite the fact that she literally looked as if she had been sweating.

"Maya, you look awful…"

"Thanks honey, that's what every woman loves to hear." She adds with a sarcastic remark, collapsing back onto the couch.

"If you'd let me finish, I was going to say 'awfully tired'. Are you feeling alright?"

Maya looks to him with annoyance, leaning over to lay on his shoulder and curled into him. He could feel the heat from her body and neck radiating from her and brushed her hair off her shoulders, doing the best a man could to get his wife's hair up and of of her neck and face.

"I think i'm getting sick…" She moans, pushing herself off of Josh's shoulder and leaning to grab the couch pillow, cold from sitting in the cool room unused all day.

Maya hugs her chest, her breasts aching from having gone the past four hours without pumping successfully. She knew her breast ducts were clogged, and it had felt like there were glass shards tearing through her tissues. She groaned as she slightly rolled over on them, tucking a pillow underneath her head and her pregnancy pillow around her body.

As the twins began to cry, Josh gently brushes back Maya's hair, kissing her on the forehead before standing up, watching Maya curl up tighter as he leaves the room, taking over mommy duty for the night, until Maya could take care of herself (that was if she wasn't continually too stubborn to admit when she needed help).

Bouncing a twin on each shoulder, he hears Maya retching through the closed bathroom door down the hallway, his heart sinking at the thought of his wife in such discomfort, but nonetheless would her sassy attitude stay.

"Josh, I'm dying!" She eventually groaned, feeling her hot skin calm as she laid her head against the cool tile floor.

"You're not dying." He stifles a laugh, setting down the babies and making a makeshift pillow with a towel, placing it beneath her neck.

He warmed bottles of frozen milk in the sink, waiting for the breast milk to thaw while the twins cried, looking to be consoled by the feel of their mother's warm chest while they ate, unable to get near her in order to not get sick. This had been Maya's first time since they had the twins to get sick, and she hadn't loved mothering and having explosive stools at the same time.

"Oh the Joy's of motherhood." She thought to herself as she coughed into her elbow, feeling a shooting pain in both her breasts.

Her head hurt, she radiated heat from her forehead and neck despite feeling chills, and the vomiting hadn't slowed down since she started three hours before, feeling her mouth with a bitter taste but she couldn't keep any liquids down. Around eight that night, when Ellie was asleep and Ezra was content in his bouncer (a very rare moment in this household) Josh sat beside his wife in the bathroom, her head resting on his lap.

He was quick to grab her hair as she gripped the side of the toilet seat, vomiting profusely into it with uncertainty that anything was actually coming up. He grabbed a pony from the counter and tied her hair up in a loose, low pony the best one man could, rubbing her back as she went on to spend the rest of the night on that floor.

Waves of nausea rode over her, her mind and vision spinning as she shut her eyes tightly, groaning and rolling over on her side to lighten the pain from her one side and transfer it to the other.

"Do you want me to call Riley and tell her we're not coming for the fourth of July barbeque this weekend?" Josh asks as Maya stands, trudging towards their bed eager for sleep.

"No, that's crazy. It's a stomach bug that'll pass in a day like they all do." Maya waved him off, and Josh respected her want to throw-up in peace, though he longed to be by his wife's side.

"I'll go get you some Gatorade and toast. You need something in your stomach."

He looked down at his daughter now curled in his chest, longing to be able to have the same bond Maya did breastfeeding them, feeling as though his role in skin to skin wasn't important, despite Maya reassuring him of the benefits they would find from it. Of course he would take the pain, the emotions, the dread of everyday from his wife, (He really didn't want the shooting glass pains in his "breasts.") to see her happy, mischievous smile for another day. The smile that illuminated her blue eyes and formed from her eyes, stretching to her cheeks, and the way she would giggle like she first did when she had proclaimed her crush on his in seventh grade.

After Ellie and her brother were content, Josh knocked lightly on the wooden bathroom door of their bedroom's bathroom before kneeling besides his wife, curled into a ball beneath her blanket on the cool floor.

"Maya, I'm worried about you more than the fact that you've come down with something." He nervously wrings his hands together before brushing her sweaty hair from her forehead.

"Yeah, i've been up five or more times at night taking turns with the twins, and I've been taking glass bullets to my chest just to make sure our children are fed."

Josh smiles, laughing lightly before Maya crawls into his lap, resting her head against his, feeling as his warm arms take her body into his.

"You know, you don't have to breastfeed." He adds.

"Josh, I've told you before why it's beneficial to feed them myself." She insists.

"But who are you really benefitting? The babies sense your tension and won't stay latched because they're uncomfortable. They're not getting enough to eat and you're miserable trying! Are you feeding them because everyone else's' expectations, or what you think is best?"

"Josh," Her voice wavers, close to tears, "I'm just trying to be the best mommy to our babies. Unfortunately everyone has different stances on parenting, and when I see another mom I can't help but compare myself to her, and feel like what i'm doing is wrong."

Josh feels his heart drop in sympathy for her as he interlocks his hand in hers, lifting her chin to meet his eyes with the other.

"Your main focus is to love these childrens and raise them to be respectable people of society. And how you take that approach is however you see fit. Not what another mom said worked for her, because everyone is different. You and I for example, we grew up completely opposite, yet you still have the greatest capacity for love I've seen. Our children are lucky that God chose you to be their Mama."

Maya nuzzles her head into his shoulder, her body shaking profusely against his as he holds her tight, soothingly rubbing his hand in circles around her neck and shoulders, gently massaging in order to ease the tension. The two sit in silence together for quite awhile until they hear the faint cries of the twins in the bedroom. Maya sighs before heading out, throwing her blanket around her shoulders like a cape and picking up Eloise from her crib, her face beet red from crying.

As she heads to the cabinet, she bounces her on her shoulder, opening the cabinet with one hand, and pulling out the formula. Before breaking the tin seal with her nail and peeling it off and tossing it into the trash, she checks the expiration date, still good. As she runs the warm water to measures the formula into a bottle, she feels something inside her let go, and it felt as if someone had just pumped air back into her lungs.