AN: Hoo boy. This chapter took me two days to write because it's 6600 words and I didn't have another holiday. I just hope to quiznak it isn't boring. Let me know.

Keith wasn't on the training deck. Lance stood in the hall for a moment, fidgeting with the deck of cards in his hands as he tried to decide what to do. Usually after supper was cleaned up the two of them sat at the dining room table and went a few rounds, but today Keith had disappeared as soon as the food was gone. Maybe he didn't want to play tonight. Maybe he was avoiding Lance for some reason. Maybe Lance was starting to annoy him.

Red pilot is not annoyed by my Lance, Blue said in his mind, half-scolding. My Lance is not annoying.

Lance half-smiled. "I know you don't think so, Blue, but some people do. And it's not like they're wrong. I can be super annoying sometimes."

Blue huffed. The conversation had the intended effect of settling Lance down, though. After a moment of thought, he walked down to the hall to the side room where Shiro usually did his workouts and stuck his head in the door.

Shiro was doing crunches, but he stopped and sat up, greeting Lance with a smile. "Hey, buddy. What's up?"

Lance smiled back, a little hesitantly, then slid into the room. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all." Shiro reached over and grabbed a towel to mop his face. "You're welcome anytime. Here to work out with me?" He gave Lance a lopsided grin. He knew Lance wasn't a fan of extra workouts.

Lance hesitated, his feet shuffling awkwardly on the floor. "Do you think I should? I mean, I know I'm still not the best at close-quarters combat, and my strength training could use some work, and I don't want to bring the team down..."

"Lance." Shiro rolled to his feet and crossed the room in three quick strides. He took Lance's shoulders in his hands and looked seriously into his face. "Stop that. I was teasing. You're already doing plenty of training during the day, and you're doing great, you really are. Keith and I like to do extra training, but that's because we're kind of crazy, that's all. Do you want to sacrifice your free time to work out more?"

Lance stood still for a moment, biting his lip, then shook his head.

Shiro smiled and squeezed his shoulders, then let go. "Yeah, I thought not. You like being able to visit Blue and wander around and see what everyone's doing. And that's fine. You should use your free hours to recharge yourself, not drain your body even more." He lifted the towel draped over his shoulder and wiped his face again. "Now, what can I do for you? Do you need something from me?"

"Actually, I was looking for Keith. Do you know where he might be? He's not training, and that was my first and last guess."

Shiro's forehead wrinkled, but then it cleared. "Oh. I think I know. I told him the other day that when I need to be alone and think I like to go to the control deck and look at the stars. He might be there."

Lance nodded and started to turn to go, then looked back to Shiro. "Then should...should I not bother him? If he wants to be alone..."

"I'm sure he won't mind, kiddo. Go on. Go to the control deck." Shiro smiled and ruffled his hair.

Lance sighed and leaned into the ruffling for a moment, soaking it up. Then he pulled back and gave Shiro a smile. "Okay. See you later."

Shiro put his hand on his back, warm and strong, and shoved him out the door. Lance scampered away. See? Blue said. No one is annoyed by my Lance.

Not right now, Lance thought. He was sure it would change eventually.

Everyone was still being really kind to Lance, and he appreciated it, he did. He needed it. Now that he had stopped trying to repress the parts of him that hurt, he found himself being overwhelmed at random times and for no good reason. A flash of fear would take over his body, or the image of Ragnak would rise again, or for just a second he would feel like he couldn't breathe. That armor seemed to be the worst; it still felt restrictive, no matter how everyone tried to reassure him that it wasn't. His body would go still, paralyzed with the feeling, and his hand would shoot out to grab whoever was nearest. He'd grab a shoulder, an arm, a hand, whatever he could.

It was usually Hunk, or Pidge, or Shiro. Coran, a couple of times. Just once, Allura had happened to be standing closest to him, and he had latched onto her wrist before he could stop himself. He stood there frozen, mortified, certain that she would brush him off, maybe rebuke him for touching her without permission.

She hadn't, though. She'd given him a kind, understanding smile and covered his hand with hers, and asked if he was having trouble breathing. She must have been able to hear the way his chest was hitching. He nodded, unable to speak, and she stood there with him and talked him through it, just like Hunk or Shiro would.

"Everything is okay, Lance. There is air here. You can breathe. There's no more pneumonia. No one is putting pressure on your lungs. Everything is okay." Blue pressed against his mind, saying the same things, and slowly, gradually, the sensation passed. He released her wrist as soon as he could, gasping, face red, but she didn't let him go right away. She held his hand in both of hers, pressed it gently, and told him once again that everything was okay.

He nodded and thanked her in a breathless squeak. When she let go, he fled and hid behind Hunk, covering his face with his hands. Hunk laughed and put his arm around his shoulders, teasing him gently for being such a blushing schoolboy. Lance shook his head and smiled, slow, reluctant. It was...too much. He didn't know how to handle it. Not just from Allura, but everyone.

He felt so...abnormal. So out of control and unlike himself. But then, he didn't really know what "himself" was anymore. He was relearning who he was, slowly, bit by bit, but it seemed to be taking a long time. Like rebuilding himself from the ground up. He already knew that he loved to fly, though. He loved talking to people and hanging out. He loved being competitive over silly things like card games. He loved joking around, even bragging about things that obviously weren't true, as well as things that were. He loved teasing and being teased. He loved it when Shiro ruffled his hair, when Hunk hugged him, when Pidge put her arm around his waist and pressed her head against his side.

He loved Blue. He loved his team. He loved helping wherever he could. He loved being needed. He loved feeling valuable.

He hated feeling like he was being annoying. Hated being bored. Hated feeling homesick. Hated being alone (but he never was, not anymore, not with Blue). Hated the weakness and fear that swept over him when his PTSD acted up. Hated the sensation of not being able to breathe. Hated being dependent on the others for support when he felt like he should be able to handle his problems on his own.

But he couldn't. That was definitely something he had learned about himself.

Lance had reached the control deck. His footsteps slowed as he neared the doorway. He told himself that he wasn't nervous about approaching Keith, and he wasn't, not really. But his heart was still pounding a little harder than usual. Things were a lot better between them now, but he still wasn't usually alone with Keith. Hunk or Pidge were always willing to referee their card games, and everyone still slept in the blanket fort (though there had been rumblings lately that led Lance to believe that some folks wanted to return to their own rooms soon). And now not only was he going to be alone with Keith on the control deck, but he was entering the situation willingly.

Well, almost willingly. Lance halted just outside the door, wavering where he stood. His fingers tightened around the deck of cards.

My Lance is brave, Blue murmured, deep pride purring through her tone.

Lance closed his eyes, willing it to be true. Then he crossed the threshold.

Keith was sitting on the steps, looking out at the stars, his knees raised and arms resting loosely on them. He looked over at the sound of Lance's footsteps, and Lance smiled and waved as he neared. "Hey, Mullet."

The corner of Keith's mouth turned up. "Hey, Mophead."

Lance pretended to take offense, leaning back and lifting his hand to run his fingers through his hair. "Hey! I'll have you know that every single one of my luscious locks is perfectly placed. There's no mop here."

Keith laughed quietly. "Sure, sure. And this isn't a mullet, either."

Lance narrowed his eyes, not sure if Keith was messing with him or not. He reached the steps and sat down a few feet away from him, then set the deck of cards between them. "You wanna play?"

Keith glanced at the cards, then back to the stars. "Maybe later."

Lance nodded and fidgeted. Maybe he shouldn't have come after all. Then he paused, head tilting in thought. There was something he kept meaning to talk to Keith about, but he'd never quite found the right moment. This might be it.

He turned to Keith, mouth open, just to see Keith turning toward him in the same moment. "Hey, can I..."

At the same time, Keith said, "There's something I..."

They both stopped, staring at each other. Then they laughed. Lance's hand rose to cover his mouth, and Keith shook his head.

"Sorry, do you want...?"

"No, no, you go ahead..."

"You can..."

This was just silly. Keith shut his mouth and looked at Lance, waiting for him to go first. Lance pulled in a deep breath, then smiled and started over.

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about."

Keith's eyes widened, but he nodded silently.

"I..." Lance looked down at his hands, twisting in his lap, then looked at Keith again. "I'm sorry."

Keith's eyebrows twisted. "For what?"

"For forcing you into a role you didn't want to play." Lance spread his hands nervously. "From the beginning, I... I called you my rival, but you never wanted to compete with me. I kept pushing though, because... Well, it doesn't matter why. I'm sorry. I started us off on the wrong foot, and it took a long time to get past that. I think we have now, though." He raised his eyebrows hopefully.

Keith nodded, slow and thoughtful. "What was the reason? You made me curious, now."

Lance sighed and looked out at the stars. "There were more than one. Part of it was how the instructors back at Galaxy Garrison kept talking about you, I guess. You were always so talented, so brilliant, top of the flight class all the time. I wanted... I wanted that, too. I was jealous. Even after you left, they couldn't shut up about you. I never measured up. So when I met you and you didn't even know who I was... Yeah, that stung. Made me mad. I'm sorry I took it out on you." He looked sideways at Keith, found him looking out at the stars, face thoughtful.

"Also..." Lance looked forward again. He laid his hands flat on the steps behind him and leaned back. "You remember my brother Jordan?"

Keith half-smiled. "Yeah. He's a few months older than you, right?"

"Uh huh." Lance was amazed that Keith remembered. "When Dad and Mamá got together, it was really cool having new siblings all of sudden. Laura was the oldest in their family, then Jordan, then Stacy. We had Javier, Mariposa, me, and Anton. I was used to being a middle kid, but with my new siblings, I was even more of a middle kid. Jordan and I are the closest together in age of all of us, and...we didn't get along at first."

Keith nodded. "Yeah, you said that. You said you were too much alike."

Lance gave him a grin. "Wow, you were really paying attention!"

"Of course I was."

Keith said it like there was no other possibility. Lance smiled and hugged his knees, looking out at the stars. "Yeah, so Jordan was a middle kid, but he was also the only boy in his family, so he was used to getting a lot of attention from his dad and sisters. And I guess I felt like I had to compete with that. So... Yeah. Right away, I was trying to do everything he did, only better. Even after the thing with the bullies happened and we started getting along better, that never really went away."

"You kept competing with him?"

"Yeah. Pretty much all the time. But then, he gave as good as he got. I think it was pretty scary for him, going from being the only boy to suddenly having three brothers, one of whom was an obnoxious brat only a few months younger than him who kept wanting to fight him on absolutely everything. He was determined to keep his place, which meant he had to take every challenge I gave him and win as often as he could. I didn't learn the word 'rival' until way, way later, but as soon as I knew what it meant, I knew that that was me and Jordan."

"Wow." Keith sounded a little unnerved. "Being in a big family sounds stressful."

Lance turned his head to grin at him. "Naw, it wasn't like that. I didn't mean to give you a bad impression. Yeah, Jordan and I competed, like, constantly, but after the first while when it was kind of rocky, we got to be friends, too. And then it was, you know, kind of fun. Except a few times when it got really heated, but, I mean, siblings fight sometimes. That's normal too. One time we had a really bad fight and ended up rolling around on the ground outside, and I cut my ear on a rock and had to get three stitches." He pointed out the tiny scar to Keith. "And one time I got mad and pitched a baseball at him when he wasn't looking, and he got a bruised rib and had to go to the hospital and get a x-ray to make sure nothing was really wrong. I was in big trouble for that one. But most of the time competing with him was fun. It was just...how we were brothers to each other."

Keith nodded thoughtfully. "So...what kinds of things did you two compete over?"

"Oh, everything. Jordan was always super athletic. Physically gifted, you might say. Kinda like you. He played baseball and football, and he was a champion swimmer in high school. So I tried, too, but I was clumsy as a kid. Now, too, I guess. Limbs too long for my body, Dad always said. So yeah, I never once won against him in a foot race, but I kept trying. But academics..." Lance raised a hand and pointed his finger at the ceiling. "Now, that was an arena I could really compete in."

"Yeah." There was a certain fondness in Keith's voice now. Lance wasn't sure where it had come from. "You were always a smart little guy, huh?"

Lance nodded enthusiastically. "Yup, that's me. I mean, I'm no genius. I'm not a prodigy like Pidge and I don't have the technical interest like Hunk. But I know how to study, and I can cram a lot of facts into this noggin, at least long enough to take a test." He knocked his knuckles against his skull. "So I did. Good thing, too, since I ended up wanting to go to Galaxy Garrison and be a pilot. Those guys check your grades back to, like, Kindergarten."

"Did you always get better grades than Jordan?"

Lance deflated a little. "Not always. We went back and forth a lot on who was the best at that stuff. But it meant that we were both at the top of our classes. Made our parents happy."

Keith hummed. "Did you have anything that you consistently beat him at?"

"You mean besides Speed? Because you know I'm the undisputed Speed Champion. Have I mentioned that I'm the undisputed Speed Champion?"

"Only every night for the last week, Lance." Keith rolled his eyes. "Yes, I mean besides Speed."

Lance paused, then smiled, slow and secretive. "Yeah, there's one thing. But... I don't want to tell you about that one yet. Sometime, I'll show you my hidden talent. It'll blow you away."

"Oh, yeah?" Keith raised his eyebrows. "If I ask Hunk, will he tell me what it is?"

Lance went sober immediately. "Please don't ask Hunk. He can't keep it a secret worth beans. He thinks it's too cool. Quiznak, he's like a proud aunt about that one. I want to show you myself. Later."

Keith chuckled. "Okay. Whatever you want."

"Anyway." Lance sighed and looked forward. "I kind of got off track with that. But that's what I mean, about Jordan, about being rivals. With him, with my brother, it was fun. It kept us both sharp, both constantly trying to one-up each other, and it made us better. So when I went to Garrison, far away from my family and everything familiar, I think I kind of latched onto whatever I could find that reminded me of home. Hunk, obviously, he was my bro right away. And you... You reminded me of Jordan. You were talented and brilliant and athletic and so, so cool. And I wanted to fight you. Like, all the time. But not really...in a mean way? I don't know. I don't know if I'm explaining this right."

Keith nodded slowly. "You've been thinking about this a lot, huh?"

"Yeah." Lance leaned forward, resting his chin on his knees. "Blue has been helping me. We've been...sorting through things, kind of. All the stuff that hurts. She's helping me remember what's good about what I left behind before I get overwhelmed with how much it hurts not to have it anymore. And so yeah, after doing all that thinking, I understood that I was trying to force you into a box. Rival, brother, Jordan, family. It all kind of means the same thing, in my mind. And I'm sorry. I should have just let you be Keith, whatever that was supposed to mean, and I didn't."

They watched the stars for little while in companionable silence. After a bit, Keith shifted like he was working up to something. "I..." He paused. "Wait a second. You've talked about other names. Did your parents have even more kids?"

Lance laughed gently. "Yeah. Amazing, right? Yep, we got three more. Nicky, short for Nicolas, and Rosa and Sophia."

"So that means..." Keith was visibly counting on his fingers. "You're the fifth of ten kids?"

"Yeah." Lance grinned, big and wide. He loved talking about his family. It was really nice of Keith to ask about them.

"Wasn't that crazy? How do you even keep track?"

Lance shrugged. "Well, it's not like you meet them all at once. Except my three step-siblings, I guess. Yeah, big families seem chaotic from the outside, and they are chaotic, but you generally meet the kids one at a time and get to know them over years, so it's not that hard to keep track." He laughed. "Though it is hard to keep the names straight, sometimes. Man, I don't know how many times I've been called Javier or Jordan or Anton or even Nicky. Sometimes Dad or Mamá had to go through the entire list, including pets, before they got to the name they actually meant."

Keith still looked overwhelmed at the prospect of so many people, all the time. "Didn't you ever get...just...tired of it?"

"Yeah," Lance said reluctantly. He hated talking about the downsides of being in a big family, but Keith had asked. "I'm a people person, definitely, but there are still times when you just want to be alone, and it's hard to get that in such a full house. And keeping your stuff separate is a challenge, and getting a shower when you want it is pretty much impossible, and Nicky sure loved to wake me up early in the morning... But I couldn't imagine my life without even one of them. Yeah, sometimes I thought it would be nice if Dad and Mamá had quit at Nicky, or just decided not to have more kids when they already had seven. But then that would mean I wouldn't know Rosa or Sophia or some of the others, and that makes me too sad even to think about for more than a second or two."

"And you all get along?" Keith sounded absolutely flabbergasted, which amused Lance to no end.

"Yeah! Well, not all the time. Kids fight. But for the most part, yeah. At the end of the day we could all snuggle on the furniture in the den and watch a movie together. And yeah, I...I love them all, and, and miss them all..." Lance trailed off, a lump in his throat. Blue pressed against his mind, purring deep and soothing. Lance shook it off and looked back to Keith, grinning crookedly. "If we get out of this... When. When we get to go home. I'll introduce you, man. They've all met Hunk already and love him to death, and they'll love you too."

To his surprise, Keith didn't look excited at the prospect, nor even fearful. He looked...guilty. Lance raised his eyebrows. What the heck was going on here?

He jolted as he remembered. "Oh! There was something you wanted to talk to me about, right? Sorry I went on such a long tangent. What was it you wanted to say?"

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head. "I didn't mind," he said softly, looking away. "Thanks for telling me about your siblings. About Jordan. It...puts things in perspective. You...you really, really love your family. I can see that. Even Jordan, even though you fight and compete."

Lance nodded, mystified. "Yeah, I really, really do. Even Jordan. Sometimes especially Jordan. We're buddies, even when we frustrate each other."

Keith looked down at the floor. His hands squeezed into fists on his knees, opening and closing. Lance watched him and waited. Keith wanted to say something, and he needed space, so Lance held his tongue. It was hard, but he did it.

Finally, Keith drew a deep breath and looked up at Lance. His face was drawn and earnest. "If... If Jordan hurt you. Really bad. So bad it put you on the floor and it took you a long time to recover. Would you be able to forgive him?"

Lance frowned. "Well, yeah. I told you about that fight." He pointed at his scarred ear.

"No." Keith shook his head. "Not a fight. Just...out of the blue. For no reason. He attacked you. Hurt you bad. How would you deal with it?"

Lance's forehead wrinkled. "Huh. Well, first thing is I would wonder what was wrong with Jordan that he was acting like that. It's not like him."

Keith stared. "That's the first thing you would think? After getting hurt so bad that you were on the ground?"

"Well, yeah. I know my brother. He doesn't just hurt people for no reason. Not even me. Not even when I'm being super, ridiculously annoying. And to answer your question, yes, I would forgive him. I might be upset for a few days, but I would get over it. Me and Jordan are tight."

Keith looked even more pained, for some reason. "Would you be scared of him?"

Oh. This was starting to make sense. Lance blinked, slow and contemplative. "I might be...nervous," he said cautiously. "If there really was no reason, and I couldn't figure out why he'd done it. And if he didn't talk to me and tell me why, and explain what was going on... I might think that yeah, he could do it again. I might start hiding behind Javier or Dad, actually, if I thought it was a possibility. But it wouldn't happen like that. Jordan would talk to me. He would tell me what happened and ask me to forgive him. And I would."

Keith looked away. His hands remained clenched into fists. Lance sat still for several moments, breathing hard and fast. He felt frozen, his muscles locked in rigidity. But he knew what he had to do.

Slowly, carefully, he reached out between them and moved the deck of cards out of the way. Such a flimsy, useless barrier, anyway. Then he drew a deep breath and started scooting closer to Keith. It was difficult. It was painful. He could only move what felt like an inch at a time, and his chest hurt and his neck was stiff and his whole body was starting to feel sore from being so tense for such a long time. But he did. He made it all the way over until he was sitting right next to Keith.

"Keith." Voice soft, too. Lance wanted to speak louder, but he couldn't. "I'm sorry I was scared of you. I'm sorry I'm still nervous. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Keith went stiff, too. He turned toward him, eyes wide, tears in his eyelashes. Lance pulled back and put a few inches between them again. His breath caught in his throat.

"Are you kidding me?" Keith's voice was incredulous. "You're apologizing to me?"

Lance nodded, suddenly mute.

Keith laughed, harsh and grating. He lifted his hands and buried his face in them. "You're unbelievable. You... Why are you like this?"

Lance blinked. He had no answer to that question. He never did.

Keith looked up at him, pulling his hands down his face to reveal his pained smile. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

Lance's eyes widened.

Keith shook his head. "No, don't... Don't answer that. It's just how you are, I get it. But, Lance..." His hands dropped into his lap again. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me. I should apologize to you. I should beg on my knees to ask forgiveness for what I did to you. I don't know if I can ever make up for it, if I can ever... I'd do anything you ask me to, truly, but..."

Lance opened his mouth, but Keith raised a hand to cut him off. "No, don't... You're good at talking. I'm not. Let me... Let me figure out how to say this. Just be quiet for a little while. Please."

Lance lifted a hand and swiped his thumb and forefinger over his closed lips, then turned the key at the corner and threw it away. He wasn't sure if Keith would understand the gesture, but Keith smiled, small and grateful.

"Okay." Keith drew in a breath. "You want to know why."

Lance nodded.

"It's because I was scared. And angry. I tried to explain this back that first day, when you were cuddling with Pidge on the couch, but I don't think it was getting through. So... Yeah. I was scared. Shiro is...very important to me. The most important person in my life, has been almost since we met. And when you came back from the jungle planet, and all of a sudden you two were so tight... I was scared. I thought I was losing him. Again."

Lance's heart hurt, but he kept his mouth shut. He should have noticed this. Why hadn't he noticed?

"I was angry, too," Keith said. "You... You keep talking about how great I am, how great Jordan is, but you're... You're a really good guy, Lance. You're a great guy. I can't compete with you. And I'm not talking about piloting, or academics, or sports. I mean just...you. You're so...full of life. Personality. Everyone loves you. It astonishes me that you don't seem to understand that."

"Keith." Lance could not be quiet at that one. He threw his arms into the air. "Everyone loves you too!"

Keith continued to look pained. "I know. Shiro told me. Shut up."

Lance grumbled, but he lowered his arms and made the locking gesture again.

"Anyway." Keith blew out a breath. "That's why I attacked you in the hall that day. Because I was scared and angry and I didn't know how to handle it. And at breakfast a few days later, too. It wasn't because of you. It really wasn't. You didn't deserve any of that. You didn't do anything wrong. I was just...so, so scared that I was losing Shiro, and angry at you for just being who are you are, for being better than me and taking him away, and so I took it out on you. I told you lies, and I hurt you, and, and..."

Keith was starting to break down again, curled over himself with his fists pressed against his eyes. Tears came, dripping off his bowed face, and Lance sat there, stiff and still, and felt like his heart was breaking. The next part was even worse.

"I'm gonna end up like that man, like Mr. Jackson, losing my temper, unable to control myself, slamming people into walls when I don't get my way..."

"No." Lance broke the lock again. He surged forward, arms reaching out, shattering the thin rime of ice that had held him in stasis. "No, Keith. No." His long arms wrapped around Keith's curled-up form, and he ducked his head down against him and closed his eyes. "No. Never. You never could. That's not true. Stop telling yourself that."

"I hurt you, I hurt you, I'm so so sorry..."

"I know," Lance said. He held him tighter. "I know, and I forgive you. It's okay. It's okay now. Everything is okay. I forgive you. It's over. Everything is in the past."

"I'm just like them... I... I bullied you, I..."

Lance's blood ran cold. "No," he denied as fiercely as he could. "That wasn't the same. It wasn't. You were hurting and you tried to make it stop, and I was in the way. And I forgive you. I forgive you. Please stop this, Keith. Stop believing lies about yourself."

Keith took a shuddering breath, heaving in Lance's arms, but he seemed to be listening. Lance held him as tight as he dared, as tight as he could stand, even as his trembling heart objected to the closeness. He wasn't sure how much longer he could stand this, but he would hold as long as he could. As long as Keith seemed to need it.

After a moment, Keith made a tiny little shift that seemed to indicate discomfort. Lance instantly let go and backed off, his hands raised. "Sorry," he said. "Couldn't help myself. I know you're not a fan of hugs."

Keith lifted his head and grimaced. He swiped at his wet cheeks with his fingers and lowered his hands into his lap again. They were trembling. "I'm getting used to them," he said softly.

Lance grinned. "Yeah. Hunk, right? He's the best."

Keith nodded. He turned his head to look at Lance. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Lance raised his eyebrows. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Just..." Keith gestured in the general area of his chest. "Your thing."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine." Still, Lance folded his hands protectively over his chest. His heart was thumping a little too hard, but it was okay. He was okay. It was just a hug.

Keith watched him carefully. "I know...I know now that you aren't taking Shiro away from me," he said. "Shiro made that clear. I'm sorry I was such an idiot."

Lance nodded. "No problem." He bit his lip, then went on. "Would you mind telling me... How you guys met? Why Shiro is so important to you? I asked him once, but he said it wasn't his story to tell."

Keith frowned.

"You don't have to tell me," Lance hastened to add. "I'm just nosy. He was your mentor at Galaxy Garrison, right? That would make the most sense."

Keith shook his head and looked out at the stars again. The silvery light painted over his red cheeks and puffy eyes. "No, it's fine. You already know pretty much everything else there is to know about me." He heaved a sigh. "It's kind of silly, anyway. You've heard of Big Brothers Big Sisters?"

Lance eyes widened.

The corner of Keith's mouth turned up. "Yeah, I was...troubled. An at-risk youth. Especially after the Jacksons convinced everyone that I was getting into fights. So I got put in the program. And Shiro... He volunteered, got matched with me totally at random. He had no idea what he was getting into."

"So...you two were literally big brother and little brother."

"Yeah." Keith chuckled, turned his head to give Lance a grin. "Stupid, huh?"

"No. Not stupid at all. You must have been so scared at first."

"Yeah." Keith sighed and looked forward again. "It took Shiro a long time to convince me that he was serious. That he meant what he said. But after a couple of years... Yeah. He got through. I went to Galaxy Garrison because of him, mainly. I mean, flying is fun too, don't get be wrong, but... Mostly I just wanted to follow the only person who had ever meant anything to me."

"I get it." Lance looked at the stars, too. The sight was soothing. He understood why Shiro liked to come up here when he wanted to be alone and think.

He felt a lot closer to Keith now, which was something he had never imagined happening. Even after they had ended up in space together, fighting a tyrannical empire, Keith had always seemed like a distant figure he could never quite reach. Lance was always a little slower, a little clumsier, a little less talented. But after this, after this past week... Keith was no longer a distant paragon set apart on a pedestal, unattainable, unreachable. He was now shockingly...human. He felt like a brother.

It was much, much better than anything Lance had dared to hoped for, truly. Who would have ever thought the two of them could find such a connection way out here among the lonely stars.

And Lance was tired of being afraid. It was past time that he finally took steps to remedy the situation. He was sick of holding back from hugs and putting barriers between himself and others because of his dumb fear of not being able to breathe.

"Hey, Keith."

Keith turned to face him, eyebrows raised.

"You said you'd do whatever it took to make it up to me, right?"

Keith nodded. "Pretty much." His face went skeptical. "You don't want me to like, wash your feet or something, do you?"

Lance grinned and shook his head, then tilted it in thought. "Well, maybe I could introduce you to the wonders of a good foot scrub later. Your skin is appalling. You probably have calluses on calluses. But that's not what I had in mind."

"What do you want from me, then?"

Lance drew a breath, working up to it, then scooted back a few inches and turned himself on the steps to face Keith straight on. "Here. Look at me."

Keith hesitated, then did it. He took the moment to rub his hands over his face again, then turned to face Lance, as well. "Okay. Now what?"

Lance's hands had been folded in front of his chest. They often were, anymore, when he wasn't actively making himself not do that. Now, he took a deep breath, then lowered his hands. "Touch me on the chest."

Keith boggled. "You can't be serious."

"I am. Shiro told me about exposure therapy, and... I need to start somewhere. Why not with you?"

"Because I'm the one who set you off, you idiot. I'm the one who started it."

"No." Lance shook his head. "It had already been going on for a while. I just didn't notice until you gave me the push." He paused. "At breakfast that day, too. You gave me a push, but I was already on the edge. You hurt me, but I was already almost broken, anyway." He shifted from side to side to settle himself, then squared his shoulders. "Come on. This is how you make it up to me. By helping me get over my fear."

Keith stared at him for a little longer, making sure he meant it. Lance kept his face as serious as possible. Finally, Keith raised a hand and slowly began to reach out.

Despite himself, Lance's breath caught. Keith paused, looking into his face. Lance tried to smile. "J-just...a light touch, okay? I'll...I'll tell you when I need you to stop."

Keith nodded. He looked more determined now, jaw firm, mouth set. His hand completed the movement through the air, and his palm rested gently over Lance's heart.

Lance jumped when it landed, then forced himself to settle. He sat still, breathing, feeling Keith's touch, the warmth of his hand through his shirt. It didn't...it didn't hurt. After a moment, though, Lance's breath started to get more ragged. Keith snatched his hand back, looking worried.

"Was...was that okay?"

Lance felt dizzy, but he nodded. "I didn't tell you to stop."

Keith frowned. "I think this is enough for one day."

Lance shook his head. "One more time."

Again, Keith's hand reached out and touched down. Lance closed his eyes and breathed. Blue purred in the back of his mind, completely content with the situation. She wasn't worried, so he didn't need to be worried, either. He could breathe. There was plenty of air, cool and sweet and fresh. The stars shone behind his eyelids. He felt wholly free, wholly himself for the first time in a long time.

The anxiety built at the back of his throat, a burning and a pressure. He opened his eyes, voice a tiny squeak. "That's enough."

Keith pulled back, still looking worried, but not as much as last time. "You're okay?"

Lance nodded, just a bob of his head. Suddenly, he was exhausted. He couldn't wait to go to sleep. Forget playing Speed. They could skip it tonight. This had been plenty of bonding already. "I'm fine." A thready whisper. "Thank you."

"Okay." Keith pursed his lips. "We'll do it again tomorrow?"

"Yeah. And the day after. And so on. Until I'm okay again. It might take a while."

"That's all right. I don't care how long it takes. Whatever you need."

Lance smiled. His eyes were drooping now. The fear was gone, vanished away, and he felt limp and wrung out.

Keith watched him for a moment longer, making sure, then slowly, gently turned himself to face the observation windows again, staring out at the stars. He patted the deck beside him, not looking at Lance.

Lance held his breath for a second, then blew it out. He turned, too, facing the stars, and scooted closer to Keith. He was so tired. His head bobbed, then tipped sideways to rest on Keith's shoulder.

Keith put his arm around Lance's back to support him. Lance sighed. They watched the stars.

Everything was going to be okay.

AN: Thus ends the post-jungle angstfest, but not the Boom Crash series. I have several ideas that I haven't gotten to yet. Just didn't want to drag this particular story out when it was beginning to feel emotionally complete. I hope you enjoyed the journey. Thank you so much for reading and liking and reviewing and everything else. All of your comments have been so wonderful and so encouraging to me. Your feedback made me write EVEN FASTER than I was already writing, haha. I really, really appreciate you.

Also, ff.n doesn't allow links anymore so you'll have to do some work to find it, but there is fanart of this series on my tumblr. It's maychorian dot tumblr dot com slash tagged slash boom hyphen crash, and you can just google maychorian boom crash tumblr and something should come up that you can click on. I also have a playlist for this story on youtube under the title Sell Me Your Nightmares. My name is also maychorian there.