A/N: oh SHIT YO GIRL'S BACK ONCE AGAIN, WITH ONLY MORE SHAME AND CRIPPLING GUILT FOR BEING SO AWFUL~~! I have no idea how the hell a year passed once again, what the actual hell is wrong with me? Seriously, I'm in the lead for the title of Bitch Who Never Updates. Sure, life was pretty hectic, but it's no excuse… I just can't balance a schedule, obviously. It makes me feel like a loser watching authors who have their shit together be like ' so I post Wednesdays at 10:30 AM PST on the dot' while I'm here with an entire calendar in front of me, going ' Eh… Any day within HERE-ish? No guarantees.' I'm really apologize guys… but better late than never…? I hope… After waiting so long for this chapter, I hope you find it worth the ridiculous wait! I worked hard to get this out in the year of 2018 (since come on…nothing in this entire year?) And actually did it (at least I did in my time zone)! Just barely! Also, the outline that was suggested for this chapter on docs just showed 'Outline: "AHH!"' which I found very fitting and fucking hilarious, so let that be a clue to how this chapter is gonna go, lmao! I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS CHAPTER THOUGH! I'm so nervous...I hope it reads well and doesn't feel like it skips around too much, I've stopped being able to tell from reading it so many times... and I didn't read the ENTIRE thing over again like I usually do before posting, because I wanted to get it out asap, so excuse any little typos you come across D: I also put something in the middle to kinda ease the heaviness a bit, but as I wrote it, it just got longer and long, but it's good character development I think, but I'm worried how that'll be received and guihre I'm too stressed out for my own good.

To make up for my absence, I drew some art for this fic! You can find it on my tumblr here (w w w . spacekateyes . tumblr . c-o-m / post/163309447014/you-werent-fine-im-not-soo-i-decided) and here( w w w . spacekateyes . tumblr . c-o-m / post/179669085419/something-in-him-was-disgusted-at-how-many-times )! (Take out the spaces in the link and dashes in c-o-m. Sorry if it's not that good, especially the first link...but I tried to do something quick D: and I suck... heh.)

But I hope you like how I wrote this! Strap yourselves in, it's gonna be a WILD RIDE on the Feels train! If you thought the LAST chapter was bad, you've got a big storm coming, honey~! (Back with the freshest memes, I know, try to contain yourself ;) ) The people reading along with this are truly saints to put up with my bullshit, I love you to the moon and back! I really hope you guys have enjoyed and continue to enjoy reading this fic, we've just got one more chapter before we're done! (and then I'll do short little side stories for the side pairings, if you wanna stick around for those! I've said it before but ioforhe I'm nervous about everything. At least one fic for each pairing is what I'm thinking? If people would even read that…?)

One last thing to make this long author's note longer, there's two songs that go along with parts (why I even bother to pair up the routines to music, I don't know, it's doesn't really MATTER, but hey, it's good music, so you should listen to it ;) ) THIS (w w w . youtube . c-o-m / watch?v=OKdDc119Lzk) goes with the second routine you see (you'll know what you get to it) and THIS ( w w w . youtube . c-o-m / watch?v=UXgSy7Q1McY)one is the last one after that! Hopefully you like the music giuhre Sorry I'm a fucking mess lmao

ALSO! THERE IS A LOT OF DEPRESSED, SELF-DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS AND ESPECIALLY ACTIONS, BE WARNED! I don't want to spoil anything, but there's a REASON there is descriptions of BLOOD in his chapter... so proceed cautiously guys.

Love is such a complicated thing to comprehend. Hajime can safely say that he hasn't really experienced it much in past relationships - sure there was affection and lust , but truly love... ? Not especially when he thinks back on it. He's never really hurt as much when faced with the thought that he wouldn't have a relationship with them again. It might have hurt for a hot minute after the break up, but it pretty much rolled off of him since he never deeply connected with them. He never would've went out completely of his way for them, either. If they wanted to have the relationship wordlessly fade away, so be it. Clearly there wasn't enough love there in the first place.

Yet this - Oikawa's whole mess he created out of fear and a moment of complete idiocy - it doesn't sit right with Hajime. It leaves him feeling restless, worried, lonely, whipped up all in a tizzy. He can't be okay with it just, ending like this. If that anguished look Oikawa gave him that night he tried confronting him at his apartment told him anything, it's that Oikawa doesn't want this to end either. Oikawa isn't a sadistic asshole, Hajime knows that. He knows Oikawa probably better than Oikawa does, being so incredibly stupid for such a smart guy.

The air still tried sneaking into the spaces between your clothes to chill you to the bone, the last remnants of fall promising a bitter winter. Hajime walked calmly down the street, muscles tired from pushing himself while training. At least now he's back on his normal diet, his appetite back when he's not too distracted to realize he's hungry (his teammates are always happy to constantly remind him to eat, usually by shoving food directly into his face). Though his lifestyle isn't exactly perfect; working out in the gym, or going out running, or training on the rink to the point he wants to collapse, only to go home and immediately pass out (sometimes on the couch, which will have him waking up to a sore neck and back). But he's at least happy the overbearing depression passed thanks to his attentive friends being there for him. All of his feelings were shared with his team, wanting to lean on them to take the pressure off his aching shoulders. It made all the difference. The depression was replaced with a burning sense of determination, wanting to patch things up with that irritating figure skater at least to the point of being friends (though he'd be lying if he said that he wouldn't be much happier to be in a relationship with him again).

All of that is the exact reason Hajime finds himself looking up at a familiar building, the feeling of longing swelling up inside of him. Deja vu struck him again at the feeling of not belonging to the world behind those doors, having had that feeling the first time Oikawa drug him into said world with words of encouragement.

" Come on Iwa-chan! You're amazing! People will love you for sure, trust me! You only get overwhelmed because you let yourself become that way! Just think of it as learning a new hobby, not learning moves to perform at a competition," The bubbly man continued gripping his hand tightly, stars shining brightly in his eyes, his tone full of confidence that Hajime wishes he could have. " I wouldn't tell you that you can do something that I think you can't do, Hajime. I wanna share this part of my life with you. If you're not having fun, we don't have to do it. Just, let me be selfish and humor me for a bit, please?" Hajime is now 100% sure that Oikawa knows exactly how that soft, crooked smile affects him, making his own brain erase the 'no' option from his vocabulary. It's so unfair how far he's fallen for this stupid dork… He'll give it a shot, but if he thinks he'll never be able to be good at it, he'll tell Oikawa to just do the routine with Akaashi.

" You're such a dork…" Came his fond sigh, Oikawa immediately brightening up and chirping happily about different moves he thinks Hajime would do well at. Listening to him go on and on about what different muscles are used in different moves, how could he not agree to such an adorable person?

Hajime bit at his lip, feeling nervous about going inside, his palms already growing damp. This is such a stupid idea, but they're both stupid guys, so that's no surprise to anyone. Gathering up some courage, Hajime pushed past the doors, greeted with the receptionist that he saw many times. It's really lucky that Oikawa did drag him here, or this would've been more difficult. After telling the woman his name, she seemed to remember him and gave him a visitors sticker so the security wouldn't think he snuck in. Good… one part down. He honestly had no idea what he was going to do if they didn't let him in...

Akaashi ran a weary hand down his face as his eyes anxiously followed one particular skater as he walked off the ice, headed to the locker room to go consult with Sugawara. At this point Akaashi wishes that the old super talkative Oikawa would come back and talk his ear off about aliens or Iwaizumi or one of his stupid shows. Those condescending comments that he knew were complete jokes now seem like a current Oikawa is, frankly, disturbing… with how little he talks and how he's just, withdrawn into himself, hyper focused on living and breathing skating. He tries to play off being normal but it's just kind of painful to watch… He's tried talking to him, but every time he's met with Oikawa's insistence that he's fine and that there's nothing to worry about. This is the first time that Oikawa's shut him out entirely. And at this point, Akaashi's not sure what the best thing to do for Oikawa is…

" He needs to talk to someone," Came a soft voice, Keiji glancing over to see Kenma curled up on a chair, face half buried into his knees. It was pretty surprising to see the gamer without some sort of handheld between his small fingers. Then again, everyone has fallen into new - less healthy - routines. Kenma's went from having video games constantly in his hands, to having his phone in them, nervously fiddling with it. Something about it just breaks Akaashi's heart… He knows Kenma has taken to holding it with the hopes that Kuroo might contact him. Keiji can see how much Kuroo became Kenma's security blanket of sorts - a stable rock Kenma could trust and seek comfort from - without him, Kenma reverted back to being just as twitchy as he was when he first was hired by Suga. " But he's trying to pretend he doesn't need help, because that involves trusting someone else, which he's not ready to do." Kenma mumbled as his eerie, honey colored eyes tracked the man in question as he disappeared out of sight.

" I know," Akaashi sighed, plopping down in the seat across from the bottle blond, exhaustion starting to become part of his very being. " Something needs to change," He agreed, trying to think of something to ease Oikawa into improving. The figure skater is depressed, there's no question about that. How to bring him out of it is another matter entirely. He's likely to reject any sort of help because he thinks he can handle this on his own, which has become obviously evident that he can't .

" And fast. For everyone's sake." Akaashi met Kenma's eyes from across the table, both of them sharing a silent moment. They both have been endlessly worried about their dear friend and just want the best for him and both need this to be over for their own mental health. They've only talked briefly with their boyfriends, both sides busy with their own matters. Aoba Johsai has a big match coming up and there's still a few important skating competitions before the big one comes. Along with the fact they're both having their hands full making sure these two idiots are both okay, it makes for little time to even think about ending their little 'breaks'. Which has left the two men especially drained. Everything is just fucked.

" My thoughts exactly," Both men flinched at a new voice interjecting out of nowhere, turning their heads in unison to acknowledge the newcomer. Out of reflex, Akaashi stood up from their table, physically facing the other man, Kenma just staying in his curled up position on the chair. Akaashi isn't sure why he never expected this to happen. It's way more surprising that this hadn't happened sooner , but he'll just chalk it up to everyone being so out of sorts. Seeing the other man again was actually refreshing, not holding any sort of grudge against him, seeing as he really didn't do anything wrong besides be nervous. Being nervous is hardly the crime of the century. At first, sure, Akaashi was angry with him, but after he realized what exactly happened, it made a whole lot more sense how this all got tangled up.

Akaashi bowed his head respectfully, kind of taken aback by the passion raging in Hajime's eyes. That look contrasted with his stubble covered face and messy hair and exhaustion hidden in the lines beneath his eyes. He looks like he's incredibly tired, but yet he doesn't look at all deterred by that fact. Akaashi is wondering if he's even aware himself how tired he is, and if the drop in his care for his own appearance has anything to do with Tooru's absence. The hockey player's face also looked like it had thinned a bit, but not by much.

" Hello Iwaizumi, what's going on...?" Akaashi carefully asked, not really able to pinpoint what the captain had to say to him, but he's willing to listen. The ruffled looking man took a deep breath, his gaze growing sincere and completely open, almost startling the skater. After seeing the firmly closed off and withdrawn Oikawa for so long, it almost felt strange to see someone so laid bare.

" Listen, I meant to come to you two sooner, but I didn't know how I was gonna do things for a while and I've been working too hard to think. I've tried to get ahold of Tooru, but nothing seemed to be working. The only things I could find to check up on him have been through Takeru. I know he's not doing well and I just want him to be happy again," Akaashi felt moved already by his words, watching his expressions change as he spoke, the love he held for his friend written all over his face. " But, I don't know how to get through to him to be able to have him give me the time of day. Every time I confront him, he brushes me off and stops listening to me… That's why I'm coming to you two. You guys have known him a lot longer than I have and I'm just asking for your help for a chance… please," Akaashi kind of wanted to laugh at Iwa actually asking for advice on how to talk to Tooru. If it were that simple, he would've already done it himself by now. Once Tooru gets lost in his head, it's hard to bring him out. Usually Tooru pulls himself out of it enough to let Akaashi and Suga and Kenma help him the rest of the way.

Both of the two men were stunned before either of them could reply to his request, watching the hockey player fall to his knees, pressing his forehead against the ground.

" I promise that I won't let you two down! All I want is some help !" Iwa loudly begged, drawing several pairs of confused eyes, all probably wondering why the hell there was a man kneeling before them, begging for help from them. It didn't look good from the outside. Akaashi felt flustered, not having planned to tell him no. He knows it won't be simple, but he's willing to do anything to help his friend, and obviously Hajime loves him immensely and is being honest in wanting Tooru happy.

" Yes, yes, of course we'll help you, just, get up off the floor! We're drawing a lot of attention," Akaashi hissed out under his breath, urging Iwa to stop begging needlessly already. For a brief moment, Iwa was still frozen on the floor, clearly having expected more resistance to his pleds. Akaashi was a second away from yanking him up off the floor himself when, finally, the hockey player lifted his own head, sitting back as he looked up at the two bewildered men. Relief visibly washed over his features, making Akaashi feel awkward and flustered at being so appreciated for simply saying yes. Iwa flashed them a very attractive smile that twisted Keiji's stomach, tears welling in Hajime's eyes as he slowly got to his feet. He could hear Bokuto sobbing already at the fact Iwaizumi gave him butterflies with a smile, out done by his own captain in that one moment.

" You don't know how much I appreciate that, really… I seriously need both of you to help me out, I'm kind of a fucking mess here," Iwaizumi chuckled lightly, running a hand over his wild hair, sighing the tension out of his shoulders. After getting a taste of how far Iwaizumi is willing to go for Tooru, Keiji felt hopeful for the first time since Oikawa called him crying. If anyone is going to drag Tooru out of his depression and truly help him, it'll be Iwaizumi. He's always been weirdly good with Tooru's many fluctuating moods, knowing what to say to get him to come down, or when to give him a smack to make him less serious about things. Very quickly Iwaizumi became the perfect balance for him, surprising even Akaashi himself - having been that balance for so long and being so effortlessly outdone.

Akaashi waved him off, looking over to the place that Suga and Oikawa had previously disappeared anxiously." It's really nothing, I'm more than happy to help you after you've been so good to us," He absentmindedly told him, worried about what might happen if Oikawa saw Iwaizumi again in the rink. The last thing he needs right now is Oikawa getting super upset and the media catching wind and blowing it up into something it isn't. You don't want any bad PR right before a big competition, and the confusing situation between him and Hajime is enough right now. " You might want to get out of here quickly before he sees you and it makes things so much worse. It'll be a lot easier to help you with him not knowing that I'm talking closely with you," Iwaizumi got up and dusted himself off, a new energy to his movements as he pretty much glowed.

" I'll get out of here then and text you more about it later and where we can meet up to talk about what would be the best plan," Any hint of exhaustion seemed to fade away from his face, looking like he was ready to take on anything. It was kind of cute to watch this intimidating captain suddenly brighten up with childlike excitement at be told that they'll help him. " I promise I won't let you down!" Hajime pulled his hood back up over his head, moving to head back out the way he came when he made a noise of remembrance. " Oh yeah, that's right. I meant to say that you two should maybe video call Bo and Kuroo. Their balls have been getting bluer lately, so I'm sure they'd both love it," Hajime passively said with a shrug and a knowing grin. " You should both just get back together with them so I don't have to listen to them whine all day about their 'super cute boyfriends who they just want to cuddle up to again'. According to what I've heard, the phone calls aren't enough," That stunned Akaashi and Kenma into a flustered silence at hearing a third party spell out to them how desperately their boyfriends have been craving them. Both of them had been so busy worrying about Oikawa and the competition that it didn't dawn on them that their suffering went both ways. Without even realizing it, the two of them had both had nights where they ended up falling asleep during a call with their respective hockey player… " Do whatever you want with that information, I'd just love it if you could get them to shut up finally. I'll see you around," They both dumbly watched as the man walked out of sight, newly flustered and embarrassed over the whole situation. A silent agreement to make an effort to go on skype passed through the air between them, private smiles being shared.

If either of them had a touch of color on their face now, it went unsaid.

It was an especially slow evening on the train, the low, muffled rattling adding just enough background noise to the quiet trip. A few older people had their arms crossed over their chests as they slept soundly, the movement not seeming to bother them any. The only other occupants were four school girls, all huddled towards the back, whispering behind their hands occasionally to each other, seeming tired from the work they must be doing at school.

Tooru found himself sitting in the middle of the train, staring blankly ahead, watching the blurred scenery pass by mindlessly. Greens, blues, yellows… He had on his usual mask, hat, and glasses on, arms wrapped tightly around his duffle bag. This has to be one of the first times he's felt so bittersweet about returning home… His phone call home was less than pleasant with his mother asking how he was doing and asking if the rumors about him and Hajime were true… Tooru just felt like he should take time to visit his family once again because he was in the area. Maybe he needs to be around people who love him unconditionally, even if he fucks everything up… He certainly can't get much worse …

Being on this train again only reminded him of the last time he had done this, almost able to feel the strong presence in front of him, seeing that sun-kissed face flushed in embarrassment. His hands tingled with the memory of the warmth radiating through the back pockets of jeans, a flustered face looking down at him with a sort of exasperated fondness. Tooru could almost feel hands carding comfortingly through his hair like on the trip to see Hajime's parents, hearing that low, vibrating voice speaking softly to him... It hurt… It hurt more than he'd like to think about.

" Despite everything, that idiot still loves you…"

At the soft 'ding' of the train, Tooru raised his eyes, hearing the stoic voice announce his stop. With a heavy heart Tooru got up off the train, trying to gather himself as he began the difficult journey home.

It was simply muscle memory as he made his way through the streets, no one paying him any mind. He hardly seems like the unstoppable Oikawa Tooru who awes crowds with his skills, only beaten by the best of the best, right now. He's lost weight, he's lost his spark, he's only falling deeper. It's by some miracle that he recognizes his own face. Tooru put in the keycode for the gate, trudging inside and pausing at his front door. Anxiety flared up inside him, not sure that visiting his family was really such a good idea anymore… Tooru's only here because there's a meeting he needs to attend not terribly far from his childhood home and his flawed logic is that visiting family and being in his old place of comfort will somehow help him. Akaashi had been against the idea, having a hotel room closer to the location himself, spending his days hovering over Tooru protectively, Suga having left a little earlier so he could take care of things before they arrived. Tooru just wants things to return to some semblance of normal...

As soon as he unlocked the door with a strained greeting of 'I'm home' (he hadn't spoken to anyone in a good twelve hours so his voice had grown gravely from lack of use) his worried mother bounded around the corner. Pulling off his mask and hat, Tooru offered her a weary smile, already hating the tears he made well up in her eyes. Why does he have to cause everyone around him to worry so much?! This is supposed to be his problem! He made his bed, it's his alone to lie in! His mother's delicate hands came up to cover her mouth as he stepped closer, her watery eyes roaming his body. She doesn't need the keen eyes of a doting mother to see how bad he's gotten after his anxiety and depression has eaten away at him, he knows that all too well.

" God, Tooru, honey…! I'm so sorry sweetheart…!" She gasped out, pity filling her eyes, coming to her own conclusion about how his most serious relationship had ended. Tooru buried his face into her shoulder when she reached up to embrace him tightly, her fingers dancing across the back of his neck. He might as well have been 8 years old all over again, clinging to his mother after a bad dream in tears, sweet coos quelling his fears and soothing fingers brushing through his hair. Emotions already swelled up inside him at the amount of sympathy his mother put into her hug, something about it crumbling him at his center. The skater took a shuddering breath as he pulled away from her, working up a brave face to show her.

" There's nothing to be sorry for… It's just how it goes. I need to get over it already," Tooru spared a glance to his dad and sister looking on from the kitchen, wearing similarly pained expressions. It was too much at once. This was a mistake. He would've rather not known how worried he had made his family over something so trivial like breaking up with his boyfriend.

But is was more than that, wasn't it?

You had the trust you oh so willing put into him get completely shattered. But you also thought it was a good idea to kiss him without his consent during a live, recorded event. It's no wonder he got upset.

The trauma of thinking the man you loved found your relationship disgraceful shook loose all those nasty little mental health problems you only just were able to maintain on gooddays~!

It's a wonder they haven't eaten you alive with how tightly you're bottling yourself up with them, not wanting help and making everyone around you afraid you'll tip off the deep end~-!

" I just, need to go lie down for a bit… I've… had a long trip…" Tooru murmured under his breath, his words holding a deeper meaning, fighting back the nagging voice in the back of his head that had grown so much worse. Whatever little self-esteem he had gathered over the years had completely vanished and all his flaws and losses just became all the more glaring and crushing. There was no way Tooru could've predicted how deeply Hajime worked himself into his heart, or that by forcibly ripping him out he'd be facing his old demons once again. The plug had been pulled from the drain.

Tooru flopped down heavily onto his bed, feeling slightly suffocated by the last memories he had here, blocking them out calmly. He will get over this. Hajime was just another guy… No he wasn't… He was perfect. All the more reason this is for the best, though. Without someone as broken and awful as Tooru weighing him down, Hajime can go on and find someone worthy enough - someone better -who won't mess everything up. Yeah, this is… good. He never deserved someone like Iwa. He needs someone flawed like himself. Like this Iwa can focus on hockey and bringing his team forward while Tooru strives towards crushing Ushiwaka.

Just as he had settled into coming to terms with how things were, hurried footsteps came down the hall, a concerned Takeru appearing in his doorway. Without a word his nephew crossed his room, all but diving onto his bed, wrapping him up in a crushing hug. Takeru buried his face into Tooru's chest, startling Tooru with how out of character this was for him. He'd never been one to just cozy up to Tooru without reason. Confused, said man simply rested his hand on the younger Oikawa's peach fuzz covered head, rubbing gently.

" … I just want you to be happy, uncle Tooru…" Came the soft, wobbly voice, muffled slightly by his shirt, but the effect hit Oikawa hard . The sweet, innocent little sentence was a stab to Tooru's heart, his shoulders tensing up as a broken sob choked out of him, the tears spilling over. A dam had opened and Tooru had his first good release of emotions since this whole mess began, clutching his nephew to his chest desperately. His body shook as he cried, hiccuping out sobs between gasps of air. There's something so powerful in a kid's simple, naive, pure way of thinking. Tooru hugged the younger boy to his chest, feeling nothing but unconditional love for him, placing grateful kisses to his forehead. Who knew his troublesome nephew would be so sweet and touching when he was broken up about his boyfriend.

After Tooru finally ran out of tears to cry sometime later, he stared up at his ceiling, rubbing comforting circles on Takeru's back. Soft snores filled the silence, Takeru having long since fallen asleep, his body heat turning into a blanket of sorts. It made Tooru feel sentimental to see how lanky Takeru's body had gotten now that his awkward limbs were on top of Tooru's. The passage of time since Takeru was a young little hellion sleeping on his chest after a day of tormenting him made all the more obvious. He still can remember being so excited about hearing his sister was pregnant with his nephew, telling everyone would would listen in his school about becoming an uncle. He was always the younger brother, so it felt like he was finally getting someone who could look up to him as an older brother figure. Looking down at the sleeping teen's peaceful expression Tooru brushed his hand across Takeru's cheek affectionately, grateful he turned out to be such a good kid. He always knew his sister would make a good mother.

" He's gotten so thin! My poor baby! Did you see him?! He was all muscle and bone practically! He looks like he hasn't eaten or slept well either. Oh, 'Jiro, what are we supposed to do ?!" Tooru perked up at the muffled sound of his mom's distraught voice drifting up to his room, a twinge of guilt going through him.

" Calm down honey, it'll be alright. He didn't look good , but I think you're overreacting a bit. Just… let Tooru handle this on his own. The boy just got his heart broken by the first guy I've seen him get so worked up about since high school, he's trying to adjust," It doesn't surprise Tooru that his dad is trying to be the calm one in this matter, always trying to ground everyone when they get frantic.

" ' Adjust' ?! This isn't some exercise plan we're talking about here, Kenjiro! This is his life and health that's wasting away! He's clearly in pain and needs help but-" Tooru couldn't help but wince at his mother's nearly hysterical tone, obviously more worked up about just seeing him than he thought she would be.

" He has Sugawara and Akaashi looking after him, hon', they'll be more help to him than we could ever be. They'll keep him on his feet, I'm sure of it. They're both mature and level-headed young men. Koushi even promised us that he'd look after him. He's in the best hands he could be in. Tooru knows he can come to us whenever he needs to, we've got to let him make his own decisions," His dad cut in, using the same disarming tone he'd use whenever Tooru threw a tantrum as a kid. It surprised Tooru to hear that Suga actually contacted his parents to tell them that he'd take responsibility for him… He knew that Suga met his parents before, but not that he did anything like that … He really does have amazing people surrounding him… And look how he's repaying them… How could he possibly deserve something like that…?!

" ...What if his decisions lead to him destroying himself…? What are we supposed to do then ? We won't be able to fix things if it gets to that point!" Came a soft voice that he just barely made out, not loud enough to carry well through the vents.

" Oh, Nana…"

" I know he had a drinking problem - we all know he had a drinking problem - so who's to say that this won't push him to do something worse…?! You two had to have seen it! He loved Hajime! God the look they gave each other! And now they broke up for whatever reason, and he's clearly not taking it well. All we know is something happened after that competition and now Tooru's walking through the door looking like death warmed over?! I just- I'm scared! I don't want anything to happen to my baby brother!" Tooru screwed his eyes shut as Nanami's wobbly, panicked voice reached him, his gut twisting with guilt. Making his sister cry wasn't something he ever wanted to do. If he could just… flick a switch and make his mind go back to normal, he'd do it in a heartbeat, but this just isn't something that he can control. This is the mess he created...

" Nanami, hey, just breathe. I know this is scaring you too, but we've got to stay strong for Tooru. We've got to be people he feels like he can come to if he thinks about doing something he'll regret. Tooru's always been stubborn, this isn't going to bring him down," If only he had as much faith in himself as they seem to have in him… He'll have to put on a better brave face for them tomorrow to get them to relax a little bit. Hell, he'll even force himself to eat a decent breakfast despite his gut wanting to reject most food. Anything to put them at ease. He'll be damned if he drags the people he loves into his problems that he caused himself.

His hand ran across his nephew's velvety head, focusing on his gentle snoring and the strong heartbeat he can feel on his stomach. The feeling of another person's heartbeat only reminded him of the nights he'd spend curled up against Hajime, either feeling the other man's heart against his cheek or his back - strong and steady. It ground him to reality and reminded him that Hajime hadn't left him like everyone else. Far too numb now to cry over the pleasant memories, Tooru just stared ahead at his awards while listening to Takeru's breathing.

A good amount of time must've passed, since the next thing he knew his sister was carefully pushing his door open, peeking into the room. She must be looking for where Takeru ran off to. Her expression softened when she saw Takeru splayed out over him, out like a light. Nanami quietly came into the room, throwing Tooru a smile that he tried his best to return, not wanting to give away that he heard their discussion about him either. She reached out to wake Takeru up, about to try and shake him awake, but Tooru stopped her.

" It's alright Nana, I can still carry him to the room," It was the least he could do after making her cry… He'll never get over the fact that he drove his beloved sister to tears because she was so scared for him. Nanami isn't one to cry easily, she's always been tough and passionate. The woman's lips stretched into a wavering smile, stepping back as he tried to gently get out from under the sleeping teen while trying to not wake him up. It was lucky that he chose a sport for his career, because even at his worst, he still has the strength to carry a lanky teenager. Any weaker and he wouldn't have been able to without waking him up. Tooru paused at a soft hand brushing his arm, drawing his attention to his sister. Her long, curly, brown locks were spilling over her shoulders, framing her delicate face as she gave him a look of pity, her eyes noticeably red. A tender moment passed between the two as her eyes tried to express how sorry she feels for him, almost pleading in a way. Nanami leaned up to place a soft kiss to Tooru's cheek, brushing a stray hair back into place, giving his arm one last comforting rub.

" Thank you, Tooru… Look after yourself, okay? I can't keep an eye on you like I could in the past, so just give your big sister a little piece of mind, huh?" She whispered solemnly, playfully pinching his arm with a weak smile that pulled on his heart strings. Muttering out a 'yeah', Tooru made his way over to Takeru's room to set him down, tucking the blanket securely around his lanky body, only returning to his room once he felt that his beloved nephew was content.

Now safely back in his room, Tooru's body immediately sought out that pack from his bag, every fiber of his being yearning for it. Clutching onto the flimsy cardboard package for dear life, Tooru ducked guiltily into the bathroom attached to his room, locking the door behind him. Running through the motions, he flicked on the fan before leaning on the counter, tapping a stick out from the pack clenched in his lifeless hands.

As soon as his pale lips wrapped around the cigarette his eyes couldn't help but raise to meet his reflection in the mirror, watching as his hand automatically reached up to flick the lighter. The toxic feeling of smoke swirled around his mouth and trailed into his lungs as he breathed in deeply, the end of his cigarette flaring up. Those dull, indifferent eyes darted around the mirror, taking in his own appearance as he slowly released his breath, that gray smoke curling seductively around him, seeming to be trying to strangle him. Ah… how long has it been since he's properly looked in a mirror, with the actual purpose of truly looking at this person he's relapsed into? Oikawa Tooru left with the snap of his heartstrings. The man staring back at him certainly isn't anyone he knows.

Swiveling his head side to side, Tooru started noting all the changes that have taken place without his knowledge. His jawline had grown sharper, harsh lines jutting out and meeting at his chin; His lips have lost a hint of their reddish hue, now looking slightly opaque and cracked; His eyes now sported unsightly dark bags beneath them, red rimming them, revealing every moment of lost sleep he's experienced. Even his iris' looked sapped of energy, dull and expressionless - empty voids that held a frigidness that radiated to his very core. The soft, light complexion he used to have left him as well, his skin a ghastly, sick tone, not too unlike that of a corpse. The shirt he's wearing also seems to be a lot roomier since he last remembers it being, hanging off his body pathetically.

It hurt… everything hurts…

Taking another long drag off his cigarette, Tooru's eyes reminded steadily on his face, numbly watching as the smoke rolled out from his nostrils and parted lips, playfully dispersing around him. The smoke took the edge off his nerves just enough to keep himself sloppily glued together, tittering on that edge. A vile feeling welled up inside his throat, the smoke aiding in making it harder for him to breathe. Tooru gritted his teeth, letting the smoke escape through a hiss, his brow furrowing in the mirror. There's nothing more that he hates than the person staring right back at him currently. How he loathes this… He'd happily wrap his cold fingers around his own throat and squeeze until he returns to his senses if he could. Those same icy cold fingers trembled as they brought the cigarette to his lips once again, his mouth already dry and tasting of disgusting nicotine.

He had a time back in high school that he first turned to smoking to relieve some of his stress. Even back then he hated every second of it, knowing full well what he was doing to his body. As an athlete he could feel his lungs growing damp with the sick feeling of being filled with smoke, his healthy body seeming like it knew how bad it was for him and tried to talk him out of this. Alas, the yearning for lowered stress won over the need to keep his own body in shape. Eventually he had come to his senses and stamped out this bad habit and learned how to cope in a healthier way. Yet here he is again… clinging to this crutch to stabilize him desperately… Pathetic.

It all makes Tooru feel dirty, which makes him itch. His hands wanted to scratch off his skin in an attempt to relieve that incessant itch…

Closing his eyes, Oikawa turned away from the mirror, having enough of his own appearance for one day as he pulled himself onto the counter. His head tilted back as his usual thoughts slowly washed over him, seeping into his skin with a familiar dull pain. The muscles in his jaw twitched as he swallowed the bitter emotions that stirred.

He should've done something sooner… he should've talked to Hajime the moment he had the first unsettled feeling… He shouldn't have gotten so worked up and angry at Hajime yelling at him over the kiss. Hajime had right to be upset about it. Tooru's the one who assumed that they were both ready to come out and have their kiss seen by hundreds of thousands when that clearly wasn't the case. It had nothing to do with sexuality. Hajime hadn't ever been in such a public relationship before where so many judgemental eyes picked apart your every action for their own sick amusement. Who can blame him for being hesitant, most people would need time to digest it before launching straight into it. Tooru just had dived into that part of media so long ago that he forgot there are people who are reluctant to bring such an intimate part of their life into the spotlight. He should've been more considerate of Hajime's feelings. The other man was simply shocked and stressed out over having such an unexpected kiss forced upon him that he snapped… It was just unfortunate that it was also the moment Tooru snapped as well, having his own assumptions about it all... He should've taken deep breaths and just… talked, figured out where they went wrong, tried to fix the gap in their communication. They'd have still went home together then... this whole mess wouldn't be happening. His mental health wouldn't have taken a nosedive…

But it's too late now. At this point he just wants Iwa to let go of him, because he can't even manage to talk like an adult. Hajime deserves so much better … Hajime should be with someone who can be patient and considerate and make him comfortable. Iwaizumi is bold and sweet and caring to a fault, believing whole-heartedly in whatever and whoever he places his trust into. Such a tender love… Tooru wasn't made for it. He can't nurture such a pure emotion without tainting it, suffocating it with his insecurities. He's grown used to his whirlwind loves who leave him before he has a chance to hope for anything more. Hajime has been the first person to try so hard for him, not leaving when he should've, chasing him even when he pulled away…

He needs him to let go, to get someone deserving of his efforts, someone who's not so pathetic and needy. Tooru just wants to crush Hajime's heart to save them both the trouble… Hajime got too close, worked himself too deeply into Tooru's heart to the point Tooru needs him as much as he needs oxygen. He knows where this will end. He can't bare the thought that he'll inevitably let Hajime down somewhere down the line, and by that point Hajime will be hurt even more. Just the thought of the pain he could cause Hajime made Tooru struggle for breath, clawing at his painful chest. Tears burned the corners of his eyes as his breath shuddered, the white of his ceiling blurring.

" Damn it, Hajime…! Why can't you fucking see how fucked I am…?! Move on already… give up on me… let go, let go, let me go ! You dense moron, leave me fucking be!" He softly spat, tugging at his shirt as he bit back tears violently, itching to punch Iwa's handsome face square in the jaw. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid…!

Oikawa washed the bitter taste in his mouth out with another cigarette, sucking greedily on it, pretending that his hand wasn't shaking as he did so.

After finishing off half of the pack of cigarettes with the sun already beginning its ascent into the sky once again, Tooru figured it was time to pretend to sleep for a few hours. He languidly brushed the flavor of smoke out of his mouth before stripping down and getting into the shower. As the cold water steadily flowed over his lean body, a chilling laughter bubbled up his throat, softly echoing around the bathroom - a sudden revelation.

He loves him…

He loves him…

Fuck… does he love him…

He left the bathroom, feeling even more emotionally drained of energy than before, his body falling onto his bed lifelessly. A sigh trickled out of his parted lips as he drug a hand down his face, wishing that he could just sleep , but his buzzing mind refuses.

All of a sudden a soft, tiny meow cut through the night, stirring his heart. The picky, finicky Leia actually jumped up onto Tooru's bed, startling him. He can't even remember the last time his arrogant little cat sought him out unprompted like this. She's never been one to give out affection easily ever since she grew up from being a kitten. A disbelieving laugh burst forward, his hand reaching out to lightly scratch under her chin, stroking her fur in awe. It was too good to be true… But yet here she is, purring softly, rubbing her body along the sides of his legs, nudging them with her head when he paused in petting her. Tooru choked as sudden tears burned at his eyes, smiling as her warm tiny paws gingerly stepped onto his thighs, kneading them thoughtfully.

" Even you feel bad for me…? Huh?" Tooru whispered, a warm feeling washing over him pleasantly as his beloved cat curled into a circle on his legs, the vibration of her purrs so comforting. His long fingers carefully ran through her silky fur, making sure to not pet her to the point that she gets annoyed, but wanting to indulge in this rare show of love. Having another warm creature with a beating heart curled up against you when you feel like it would be best for you to disappear is truly indescribable… The feeling wasn't much different than having Takeru splayed out over him earlier. Each time brought tears to his eyes, feeling undeserving of such warm support in his time of need. Letting his back rest against his headboard, Tooru's gentle eyes swept over the elegant form of Leia, the pain gripping his chest eased. " Where were you the last time I came over, hm? Finally remember who your owner is, you meany?"

After making himself look more presentable by covering up the darkness beneath his eyes and styling his hair perfectly and dressing in clean clothes, Tooru made his way downstairs that morning. He figured he'd attempt to eat breakfast with his family again just to ease their concerns and fake it for their sake. A warm smile settled onto his face as he greeted his family, placing a kiss to his mother's cheek before taking a seat. Already he could tell that she was happier seeing him looking healthier, despite the fact he's definitely not. He'll be damned if he lets them find that out though.

" You look better this morning, Tooru…!" His mom sure enough pointed out with a gentle voice, serving up a portion for him, setting it in front of him with a smile.

" Yeah, I think I just needed a good night's rest was all! I'm sorry if I worried you," Glancing up at his mom, he could tell she was biting back tears, waving her hand in front of her face to deny that she worried before digging in. His tired eyes landed on the plate of food in front of him, his stomach already turning at the thought of actually ingesting it. It's not that it was bad , it's just that his body hasn't processed anything as rich as this lately. He can already tell there's no way this meal is going to stay down better than the soup and yogurt he sometimes choked down…

Ignoring his body's protests, he vigorously shoveled the food into his mouth, cramming his small stomach with the delicious home cooked food. Sharp pains wracked his abdomen, but he pushed through it thanks to the relieved smiles it earned him from his sister and mother. Anything to ease their own pain. He'd suffer through anything if it could only give his beloved family some peace of mind… Tooru prayed that they couldn't hear his stomach violently gurgling, informing him that it didn't approve of his actions. His body wants to be slowly brought back to some form of normal, not be stuffed to bursting like this. The whole time his smile never wavered, even happily accepting the pieces of meat that were put on his plate, his heart already feeling more relaxed.

Tooru's thighs trembled as soon as he put down his chopsticks, agony twisting his gut, the back of his throat burning in warning - his body was rejecting his good intentions. Not wanting to end up worrying them even more, Tooru quickly got up and started saying his goodbyes. The last thing he needs is for them to hear him hurl… He hugged and kissed everyone, murmuring words of encouragement and reassurance to Takeru before he hurried for the door. No sooner than he got his shoes on, he stumbled out of the door, playing it cool as he headed to the gate. Not yet, not yet… just a little farther …

Closing the gate behind him, Tooru turned the corner out of his family's sight and immediately doubled over, losing his breakfast. His body trembled and convulsed, emptying out the contents of his stomach, acid burning his nostrils and throat. One hand clung to the wall as he retched, this other clutching his stomach, the duffle on his shoulder sliding down a bit. He did it… he left them with a better picture of himself than he greeted them with. Now maybe they won't worry about him as much and won't have as much anxiety…!

A small smile pulled at his lips as he wiped his mouth, not regretting what he did in the slightest. It's for the sake of the people he loves. Standing up straight, his legs wobbled beneath him, allowing him to take a few shaky steps as he pulled out his face mask and glasses. Soon he was walking down the street as if he hadn't just thrown up everything he's eaten in the last 24 hours. Humming a cheery tune to himself, he listened to the digital sounds of a phone ringing in his ear before it abruptly got cut off by a soothing voice greeting him.

" Hey, Aka-chan, I just missed breakfast, how about we meet up somewhere and grab something, huh?"

A soft breeze blew through dark locks, the silky strands brushing across his cheeks like the tease of a feather, stirring his consciousness. Handsome features scrunched up slightly at the ticklish touch of his hair, sleep still dragging at the back of his mind. Only when warm, carefree laughter sounded next to him did he even consider possibly waking up completely.

" Tooru… Hey, babe, wake up, you idiot! Did I come to watch you sleep?" The voice he's been craving so painfully washed over his ears, feeling like a refreshing cool rush of water over his aching heart. Hopeful eyes opened, squinting at the harsh light and blinked to get the blurry world into focus. Sure enough, a dimpled, charming smile greeted his sight, leaning over him with an expression of unyielding love.

" Iwa…!" His voice was choked with emotion as he sat up, looking over to his side to take in the man next to him. The warm rays of sun brightened up his skin, bringing out all those gorgeous hues in it, eyes crinkled cutely thanks to how wide his smile was.

" I missed you! You don't… you don't even know how bad I hurt…! I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am…!" Tooru's voice grew wobbly as emotion filled his core, wanting anything but to just reach out and touch his lover. Something stopped him from doing so… his body told him not to. Hajime took a deep breath, his smile fading slightly as his eyes filled with pity. The fresh breeze that blew by even lost some of it's charm, stirring a strange feeling in his stomach.

" Baby, I don't think you've woken up yet… don't you understand what you did?" Hajime asked with a voice that you use to console a distraught child after they've misbehaved. That warm smile grew sad and woeful as he stared at Tooru's face, tilting his head to the side, showing off that small dimple. The use of the pet name sent Tooru's heart into a confused flutter, not sure how to take his words. " Baby, you need to wake. Up !"

Reality felt like it just rudely slapped itself across Tooru's face, his lungs straining for breath as his world suddenly changed entirely, those last words echoing slightly. Hajime was no longer sitting next to him in a peaceful meadow, laughing and smiling at him. Instead he found himself standing in front of a trembling Hajime on a dark, desolate street, those intoxicating hazel eyes now red and quivering, betrayal burning brightly behind them. It was a startling contrast indeed. His heart squeezed at the sight of the stark imagery.

Hajime's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, fists shaking at his side, tears threatening to fall. His warm complexion had paled considerably, making him look horribly worked over.

" H-How could you do this to me…?! Why d-did you have to… hurt me like this?!" Hajime's voice shook as his tears finally spilled over, his breath hiccuping as he spoke. The pain in his voice just about did Tooru in, his chest feeling like it had been torn open. Hajime stubbornly wiped the tears from his face with his hands, only for more to instantly replace them.

" Hajime…"

" I… trusted you, Tooru! I thought you loved me more than to do this to me! Why did you have to do this to me…?!" That pathetic voice yelled out sorrowfully, punctuated with a heart breaking sob. His lover's body trembled sadly, not showing any sign of the powerful, proud, unbeatable captain that he had seen working the rink. That man now appeared to be several years younger, crying and shaking like a lost child, rosy lips quivering along with his heart.

" Why did I have to meet you ?! Huh?! Ever since then I've been nothing but fucking tormented !" That hoarse voice yelled hysterically, his shoulders hunching as he gasped, tears dripping from his nose. Tooru's body felt like it was weighed down, not able to raise a finger to reach out and comfort his love. Even his throat had clamped down on itself, leaving him powerless to do anything but watch in searing pain as Hajime broke down. " Knowing you is like a fucking curse ! What good do you bring?! First you make me end up in the hospital for you and now you ruin my love life?! I only stuck around because I fucking felt sorry for you! Of course I was fucking pissed that you laid one on me like that, why would I want people to fucking know that I was with someone like you ?!" Strong hands clutched his own shirt, jaw twitching as he spat at him, tears still freely falling from his eyes as he raised his head once again, a wobbly smile on his face. That expression sent a glacial chill down Tooru's back, wanting to vomit at seeing the mixture of cold indifference and burning rage twisting in the eyes he used to get lost in. Sick laughter filled the air, those trembling shoulders now quaking with humorless laughter. It was like a switch had been flicked.

" Heheha, you thought I loved you…! ' I'm here for you, Tooru, don't worry, I'll be there to hold you!' pft, give me a break ! I should've just ignored you from the beginning like I had planned to, shouldn't have given you the time of day. Now look where it got me!" He spread his arms out dramatically, spinning in a circle to draw attention to their surroundings. Hajime closed his eyes then, drawing in a shuddering breath, wiping away his tears once more. When his eyes met Tooru's once more, they held a piercing coldness that Tooru never wanted to see in them, goosebumps breaking out across his body, chilling his very being.

" It doesn't matter anyways. I don't have to put up with watching you fall more and more for me by the day anymore. You gave me a reason to throw you away. I can go find someone better," Tooru's brows furrowed, feeling like Hajime was slowly strangling him to death, eyes burning with bitter tears, not believing what he was hearing. He's said it all himself, but hearing it come out of Hajime's mouth made him feel like his soul was being ripped apart piece by piece. Hajime's expression remained indifferent as his tears finally stopped, his lips still a bruised red, his eyes red from crying, looking especially pathetic if it wasn't for the ice behind his eyes.

" The only reason I stayed with you is because you were a warm body to fuck," Tooru felt like he had been punched ruthlessly in the gut, his heart breaking all over again. The world seemed to briefly pause around him as he staggered slightly, searching Hajime's face for any sign that he was lying and was just making a sick joke for whatever reason. " Honestly, how could I actually love you for anything else? Other than your looks and body, I have no use for you. I'll go to the media and tell them that it was just a joke and I'll sever all ties with you, then I'll be free of this emotional baggage you put on me. From this point on, I don't know Oikawa Tooru, and I certainly never loved him. Goodbye… Oikawa," Tooru couldn't breathe anymore, his blood running cold as he watched Hajime turn and begin walking away from him.

Toou's body jerked forward, moving to try and chase after his former lover, refusing to listen to those cruel, cruel words that tore at his heart. Tears now freely streamed from his face as his hand reached out, his voice strained as it desperately screamed out his name. No matter how hard he chased Hajime, he never seemed to get any closer despite that fact the other was merely walking. The sidewalk seemed to stretch on for miles in front of him, leaving him panting and sobbing as he tried reaching out to grab that jacket and stop him. Tooru's vision blurred with tears as he begged, his heart in pieces and an eerie chill creeping up his spine.

Just then Hajime paused, slowly turning to glance back at him at the same time that his stomach lurched. An unnerving sense of weightlessness registered to his brain, not giving him any time to react before he found himself being swallowed up by the ground in front of Hajime. It seemed like he was falling into an inky black liquid, his hand still reaching out for Iwa as he sunk below the surface. Once he was fully submerged, the black liquid around him turned clear, as if the very air around him was drowning him. His surroundings were pitch black, save for the light leaking in from the world above where he just fell, Hajime peeking over into the water. Stupidly, Tooru parted his lips to cry out, the liquid around him quickly filling his mouth and surging into his lungs… It was cold as it stole every last ounce of air from him, leaving one of his hands to claw at his throat in a feeble attempt to help the situation. Bubbles spilled out, letting him actually be able to watch the last of his available oxygen float away from him. A simple, calm thought flitted through his mind then.

Oh… I'm drowning…

In his struggles, he still couldn't help but reach out for Hajime, crying out for him in his mind, his body feeling heavy. The hand clawing at his throat slowed, his body submitting to his fate, no longer thrashing about as he sank, his hand sliding down to the collar of his shirt. The sound of his own heartbeat filled the silence, the darkness eagerly awaiting him and lapping at his feet, his eyes closing and his mind making one last plea.

Please…! I don't… want to die here! I can't be happy with this kind of ending…!

Abruptly a hand tightly snatched the hand he had stretched out, feeling warm and rough against his skin, giving him a strange sense of comfort. The voice that had just tormented him reverberated through his head, a breathy whisper that made his hair stand on end.

" Tooru!"

A sharp intake of breath cut through the air, his body bolting upright in alarm, covered in a cold sweat that made the sheets cling uncomfortably to his body. Shaky, ice cold hands grabbed at his throat, his chest heaving and heart racing. Panicked eyes danced around the room, taking in his surroundings to ground himself. Slowly taking his hands away from his throat, he swallowed in an attempt to relieve the dryness in his throat, a hand brushing back his damp bangs. Tooru's other hand went to the bed, grabbing the fabric next to him, drawing his attention. His eyes landed on the neatly folded sweatshirt laid next to him, the sea-foam green logo practically burned into his brain now. Feeling a strain in his chest, he couldn't help but grab it and pull it close, burying his face into it, closing his eyes to breathe in its scent.

A nightmare.

After putting away the sweatshirt meticulously, Tooru found himself sitting on his balcony in his boxers in the early morning air. A beer bottle was clenched tightly in his fist, joining the flavor of smoke swirling in his mouth. The sweat across his body was cooled by the chilly morning air, making his body tremble uncontrollably. He has the feeling that his body no longer has much fat left on it, only leaving it with muscle, which certainly isn't a good thing and does nothing to keep him warm…

All too soon there were a few bottles of beer sloshing around his empty stomach, leaving him with a warm tingle to dull his mind. It only served to make him even more upset than he originally had been, his head hanging low as he took a long drag off the cigarette in his mouth. Stumbling to his feet, he put his cigarette butt back into his pack, not wanting to leave any trace for his two supervisors to find before staggering to the bathroom.

Slipping off his sweat dampened underwear, Tooru moved to his shower, clinging to the shower door to keep himself from falling. He tried his best to wash the smokey scent that clung desperately to his body, being a dead giveaway if anyone approached him, but the alcohol wasn't doing him any favors. The world kept tilting off kilter and his vision swam in and out of focus, especially bad thanks to his already shit eyesight to begin with. He tried to not look at his body when he stepped out, haphazardly toweling himself off, leaning against the wall for support. He wasn't more than a bit buzzed, his motor functions pretty good for the start of the day after one of his nightmares. Usually he'll end up drinking until he can only lie on the floor and lament everything wrong in his life, so this isn't too bad!

By another stroke of luck, there was a set of worn clothes still in the bathroom with him. It made it easier for him than it would be having to rummage through his closet and end up with half his wardrobe on the floor. He steadied himself as he gingerly picked up his leg and set it in one of the pant legs, having to put all his focus into doing the same with the other as he swayed slightly. Pride surged through him at successfully pulling his jeans up, never mind that he hadn't bothered with underwear, it's the little things. Getting the t-shirt on was much easier, not needing as much coordination to pull it over his head and get his arms in. It was still difficult with his skin being fairly damp, making the fabric cling to him, rolling up as it resisted covering his body. After a moment, he had his shirt on and felt like it was good progress for today, possibly the only progress he'd make today.

He set to determinedly rinsing some mouthwash to get rid of the smoky flavor clinging to his tongue, not having the energy to thoroughly brush his teeth. Spitting it out, Tooru looked back into the mirror, his heart tearing at seeing his dripping hair and askew clothing, the dark circles under his eyes as unsightly as ever. Unfortunately, his weakened mind decided to be very cruel in that moment of vulnerability… All his anxiety and fears swept over him, his small little mundane tasks he was just proud of doing suddenly were lost in the overwhelming shadow of his depression. That tiny spark of life in his eyes was quickly choked out, leaving only the dull void that had resided there lately. The alcohol made it seem like a good idea for his hand to slowly reach over, pulling open one of the drawers.

He always heard that people would hurt themselves to get rid of this emotional pain… Tooru had thought about it in the past when he last was in this miserable pit, but he never had the courage to do something like that. It scared him too much. Thanks to the liquid courage sloshing in his system and the vicious voice at the back of his mind whispering terrible things, it suddenly seemed worth the heavy risk weighing above it, to get just a little relief. He'd do anything to make this go away, make it so he didn't have to feel guilty facing the people he loves because he broke himself and can't seem to fit the pieces back together again.

A powerful chill ran through him as his fingers brushed the cold metal of his single blade razor, his very hair standing on end. He was given the old fashioned blade as a gift one year, something more of a fun object to have than something to get practical use out of - Oikawa hadn't ever even used it to shave, he preferred his normal razor. Who would've thought that it's first use would be something dark like this…? Having his hand wrapped around the lifeless metal of the blade seemed to sober him up slightly, his fingers trembling as they slowly worked open the razor, the handle comfortably fitting in his palm in a disturbing way. Tooru's breathing sped up as he stared at the sharp edge, his whole body tensing up, sensing the danger that came from this scenario.

His heartbeat filled his ears, pounding desperately against his chest to try to get his attention. Tooru balled his hand into a fist, staring at his unmarred flesh and the faint blue veins running beneath, letting the blade kiss that skin set off a burst of fear within him. His breath came out in shallow pants, his eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears as his hand trembled, the ice cold steel making him want to vomit. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him, his body knowing how stupid this was, trying to get him to flee from the danger he was causing himself. Carnal fear flushed his system, ridding any of the idiotic courage his beers had allowed him, the fear of death holding strong.

Glancing up at his reflection, he saw a broken man staring back into his soul, his deathly pale countenance and wide, panic stricken eyes making him look like a cornered animal. The tremors going through his body were obvious, made even more apparent by the noise coming from the knife in his grip as his hand shook. Tooru's chest rose and fell rapidly with his erratic breathing, his eyes filling up to the brim with tears in his reflection, finally trickling down his colorless cheeks. It seemed like he was pleading with himself to come to his senses and knock this off, a violent war waging between himself and his troubled mind.

Do it… do it… come on already!

But Akaashi and Suga and Kenma all love you! Your family loves you! What about them?

What's the point anymore?! He hates you - they all hate you - you're nothing but a burden!

It's not your fault, you need help!

Do it, do it, do it~!

You don't want to die…!

Come on, Tooru! Do you want to keep living like this?! Look at yourself!

It's not gonna be that deep, just a little something to help~

Pathetic …

" AHH!"

Tooru's eyes screwed shut as a distraught cry ripped out of him, his shoulders shaking horribly, his tears collecting at his nose. Heavy breaths echoed around the bathroom, those despicable voices swirling around his head mockingly, getting him to press the blade harder against his flesh, dots of red forming small beads. His quivering voice cursed between his gasps for more air, guilt seeping in through the gaping hole in his heart. The string that was keeping his head barely above the deep, dark pit, snapped cleanly with the familiar voice that emerged from somewhere within him.

" Tooru...please…!"

With an anguished cry, his body moved on it's own, dragging the blade swiftly across his thin wrist. His eyes snapped open in time to see the consequences of his actions, that primal fear surging again, his body wanting to do anything to keep him alive.

Crimson swam in his blurring vision, dread reaching up to strangle him as he tried to rationalize his chaotic mind. Oh god.. Oh god, oh god… ! Tooru felt like he was going to be sick as he helplessly watched his wrist become drenched in red, the warm liquid dripping steadily into the sink and down his arm, his mind blanking out.

What did you just do ….?!

In a panic, he hurled the blade away as if it has burned him, it clanging across the counter, splattering some blood over the surface as it did so. Tooru cursed heavily through his clenched teeth, feeling the burning pain in his wrist as his frantic hands fumbled with the faucet, just wanting the violent red to stop staining his wrist. Freezing cold water splashed over his broken skin as he gripped his wrist desperately, only making the sight look more horrific than it was, the water swirling in the bowl turning a diluted red. Hot tears ran down his face, his legs threatening to give out on him as he sobbed bitterly, cursing himself. Lifting his arm up to look closely at the damage caused that dark crimson to run down his forearm, thankfully it not seeming to be bad enough that he'd die within minutes, alone in this big, empty apartment. Still, nothing about this was good at all nor did it make his heart stop racing with fear, adrenaline pumping through his system.

Hissing in air through gritted teeth, he kept his hand wrapped firmly around his wound, not caring that a little bit of blood dripped through his clenched fingers. His hands were shaking, pain radiating up his arm, blurry eyes watching the red liquid numbly, his mind playing mean tricks on him. For a brief moment, as he gazed intently on the warm scarlet smeared across his snowy white skin, it almost seemed...beautiful, in an awful, morbid way... until his sense returned and he found it nauseating and not in the least bit pleasant to stare at.

Tooru's desperate eyes searched around the room for something to wrap his wrist with, starting to panic once again, feeling the tightness begin to constrict his chest. No! No, no no, this is the worst time to have a panic attack…! If he blacks out he's in trouble! Tooru felt his body begin to shake violently, his panting breaths sounding around his bathroom, angry tears burning his eyes once more. He was too worried to leave the sink to look for a towel in fear that the movement might make him faint, stuck fighting his own body for the moment.

" Fuck …!"

How could he be so stupid…?! Why did he ever think that this was going to fix anything?! The only thing cutting his flesh did was increase his anxiety ten fold and cause him physical pain on top of his even worse emotional pain! Stupid, stupid, stupid! People are supposed to become wiser with age, so why does it seem like he's gone the other way…?! Naive, high school Oikawa knew better, but the current Oikawa does it with full knowledge that it's a terrible idea…

A self-deprecating smile spread over his face as he bitterly laughed at his own cruel thoughts, ignoring the weakness in his legs. Maybe he has grown stupid, with the rash, hasty, harmful decisions he's been making lately… but he just wants something else todistract himself.

Oh Hajime… Can you still look at me and truthfully say that you want someone as broken as me…?

Tooru took deep breaths, pulling his injured wrist up to his face in a sort of caress, wishing that he could just take everything back and not have to feel so fucking scared …! Hot tears still ran down his face as he internally cursed himself, trying to calm down his panicking body at the same time. Tooru felt guilty that what he craved more than anything else at this moment was to be embraced by two familiar arms while scalding lips caressed the side of his neck, whispering soothing words in a low voice. He wants it so bad that it was actually painful...

" Oikawa-san…?" A cautious voice drifted in from his living room, causing Tooru's body to jump in surprise, his heart hammering away all over again. The panic that set in must've drown out the sound of someone entering his home.

" Shit… !" Came his soft whisper, glancing over his gruesome looking arm with streaks of blood and his drenched hands. Tooru's mind tried in vain to think of a way he could get out of this situation without being caught like this. He doesn't want him to see what he did, but… at the same time, he really just wants to know that someone actually cares. Tightly shutting his eyes, Tooru held his injured arm close as the sounds of footsteps grew close, still on the fence about if he really wanted to be found like this or not. His decision was quickly made for him as a soft gasp sounded behind him.

"...Oh my god, what did you do…!?" His eyes slowly opened to meet his beloved friend's eyes in the mirror, feeling the guilt and self-hate flare up at the shocked, pained look upon that pretty face. Look what you did …! Oikawa offered a weary smile that didn't reach his eyes, trying to pretend like there wasn't blood slowly dripping from his clasped hands and that the porcelain of his sink wasn't dyed scarlet.

" Akaashi, what are you doing here…?" His voice was barely a whisper, the flow from the faucet nearly drowning him out, but he knows Akaashi heard it. That normally coolly indifferent face was now twisted in agony, his eyes darting over the splattered blood that led to the tossed razor blade, putting two and two together quickly. In a blink of an eye Akaashi rushed into the bathroom, hurriedly grabbing a towel from a cabinet and fishing out a first aid kit, his complexion turning a concerning pale. Without saying another word, He yanked Tooru's arm towards him, shoving it under the running water, washing away the blood from the area of the wound, carefully examining it. With the other man's fingers around his arm, he could clearly feel them trembling, a crease forming between his thin eyebrows, eyes filled with an obvious fear. It broke Tooru's heart, not wanting to see the unflappable Akaashi looking so distraught over him.

A towel was quickly wrapped around his wrist, Keiji tightly pressing it against his wound, holding his arm up to try and get what was left of the bleeding to stop quickly. The slender man's wide, unblinking eyes never left the towel, his face had gone pallid and so tense that it looked like a rubber band ready to snap. Only after Tooru's arm began to go numb from being held up for so long did Keiji finally allow himself to peek under the towel to see if the bleeding had stopped. It was unfortunate that said towel just so happened to be snowy white, making the red even more vibrant in comparison, causing a tremor to run through his friend.

Keiji's hands grabbed a bottle of disinfectant, quickly splashing it over his cut, white hot pain seeming to burn his very nerves, taking in a sharp inhale of air. Keiji didn't seem to take any notice that Tooru was in any pain, his quivering eyes watching the wound intensely as the liquid hissed and bubbled inside. Tooru never felt more worthless in this very moment, watching his friend tend to him, looking more frightened than he's ever seen him look because of what? Because he was upset over a breakup that he himself did?! Because he didn't want to talk to anyone about the dark thoughts he's had lately?! Because he was 'trying to handle everything on his own'?!

" It doesn't look deep enough to have cut any veins… thankfully… But I think you might need stitches, you should really go get it looked at…" It was hard to make out his voice with it being so quiet, it sounding like he was speaking more to himself for his own benefit. His tone was detached, movements stiff and automatic as he picked up some cotton and gauze to bandage him up. Tooru didn't dare speak yet, not wanting to upset Akaashi more than he already is. He can only imagine how he must be feeling, having walked in on Tooru cutting himself and bleeding all over his bathroom. Even after he had finished bandaging him, those shaking hands still were wrapped firmly around his wrist, eyes trained on it as well with his head hung so Tooru couldn't clearly see what he was feeling. The final straw broke for Oikawa when he watched the slim skater's shoulders shake, needing to say something to stop this or he'd never be able to sleep at night.

" Keiji-" He hesitantly started with a wince, his voice breaking the heavy silence that had settled in around them, making the air itself uncomfortable.

" Don't - Just, don't… Please," Tooru's mouth swiftly snapped shut at Keiji's interjection, his voice weak and full of emotion. " Why…? Why this of all things?! Why is it so hard to talk to me or Sugawara?! I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself, for the love of god Tooru, don't hurt yourself ," Akaashi sobbed out, reaching out to pull Tooru in for a hug, burying his face into his shoulder so he couldn't quite make out the expression of his friend. It wasn't hard to picture though… Oikawa's own eyes filled with tears as he let out a strained 'okay', having no words to defend his own stupid actions. He didn't think that it was going to end well, but he just wanted some relief… Maybe he should sit down with Iwa, or text him just to lay it all out and end it properly. Nothing more left to say. That way maybe he won't keep having him on his mind.

They did end up going to the hospital, questions naturally being asked and Tooru having to convince a psychiatrist that he wasn't suicidal (just stupid). A few stitches later and they found themselves back at his apartment. Akaashi ended up calling Suga, said man appearing at the pent house not long afterwards, the two having a hushed discussion while Tooru sat numbly on the couch. So much for not worrying everyone…

The tired manager just rubbed his face in frustration, this new development troubling to say the least. In a way, he had always figured that this relationship seemed different than the others - Tooru cared way more than he had ever in the past. Of course that means all the emotions attached to it are intensified as well. Oikawa Tooru has always been a simple man deep down; He likes what he likes, and hates what he doesn't; His heart stitched onto his sleeve tightly. It wouldn't be too much to say this could be Oikawa's first ever heartbreak - one he inflicted on himself.

Sugawara glanced over to the dazed skater on the couch before whipping out his phone, quick fingers tapping and swiping across the screen. Akaashi felt his heart sink when he saw that, already knowing what Suga had planned and knowing it wasn't a good idea at all. His hand reached out and grabbed Suga's wrist, halting him from pressing that dreaded number.

" What are you doing?" The skater urgently whispered, his eyes still too wide thanks to the adrenaline still coursing through his system, everything setting his nerves on edge. Suga looked affronted by being stopped from doing what he wanted to do. Akaashi's sure that Suga probably thinks that since he called him here, that means he wants him to take matters into his own hands, but that's not the case. He may be a good manager for Oikawa, but he doesn't know how to handle his emotional state very well.

" What else? I'm calling Iwaizumi to come over here and deal with his man!" The silver haired man whispered back just as harshly, wanting this all to just be over with already. He probably thinks that calling Hajime over and forcing them both to sit and talk will work everything out, but something in Keiji just doesn't like that idea. Forcing things isn't going to help, they need to work it out themselves for the most part.

" Don't. Under no circumstances do you call Hajime, okay?" Brown eyes searched ebony bewilderedly, confusion painted beautifully over the model-esque man before him.

" But-"

" Trust me, okay? It'll make things worse. I just need you to be there for both Tooru and myself… I know I could really use someone to confide in," That pretty face contorted slightly, seeming hesitant to trust the small, weary smile he gave him. His big brown eyes glanced down at the number displayed brightly on his phone, begging to be dialed. Looking back up to Akaashi, Suga's hand eventually lowered to his side, putting his faith into his friend's words.

" Why does it feel like the longer I spend with you two, the less I understand skaters…?"

The dull 'thump' of a heavy duffle bag seemed to echo through the too big apartment, nearly being swallowed by the thick atmosphere that seemed to settle over everything. The sudden sound drew two dim eyes to raise and acknowledge the presence in front of him. All too quickly those dark eyes found the duffle bag, a certain kind of sadness filling them as they flicked back to the person standing beside it.

" Keiji… No…" Even those two simple words seemed painful to utter, the guilt already bad enough to bare. Yet that perfect porcelain face remained unmoved - firm in its resolve. Tooru could only swallow around the dryness in his throat, regretting everything even more.

" I'm staying, Tooru, you can't tell me otherwise. I don't trust you to not do something stupid that you'll regret later. You need me here. If you're not going to let me in, I'm going to force myself in," Those words held more than one meaning, it not hard for Tooru to pick up on. Akaashi didn't seem phased as he calmly unzipped his bag and begun to organize his things, setting up a pillow on the couch. It was a silent ' I'm here regardless of what you have to say to me' if Tooru's ever seen one. Even in all the years he's known the aloof man, he's never once been as assertive as he is right now. Usually he listens to Tooru and will leave him alone when he asks for it, but yet he's spreading out a blanket with a passionate resolve. It took a moment of uselessly moving his lips for Tooru to find his words and vocalize them.

" Kei-chan, it was a one time thing, honestly. I'm not going to hurt myself again," He tried, his tone growing exasperated, wishing he just had a better grip on himself at the start so maybe things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand…Now his best friend is sacrificing parts of his life for his sake… how pathetic it got to that point...

" You also told me that you were fine, and look how that turned out," Keiji's words felt like a strong slap to the face, each finger leaving a throbbing red mark in its wake. Whatever argument that Tooru had completely toppled over, leaving him speechless for the second time since he saw that duffle bag on his coffee table. Oikawa could only bite his tongue, his words pointless right now. Better to just save his breath. If Akaashi wants to stay with him, who is he to question it?

Maybe… maybe it'll make this apartment feel a little less oppressively lonely all the time…?

Over the next week Tooru had made a real effort to steadily nurse himself back to normal; eating more and more every day, slowly trying to work up to a full night's sleep ( with a sleep aid... baby steps), working out whenever he could to clear his mind. With Akaashi's gentle coaxing and constant support, he - at least physically - was starting to feel better. The dependency on nicotine still lingered, along with the need for alcohol, slinking off to feed his bad habits. Sure, the dark thoughts were still there, looming, and sure he's still not back to his original weight, but still. Progress. However slow and agonizing it may be. This is his limit for now.

Seeing as his fans have been severely neglected ever since the 'scandal' came out, Oikawa figured it was only right to address them again. From what he could glean from the few comments and mentions he dared to look at, it was obvious they were all worried sick. He was known to be someone who frequently updated, even if just to say that he couldn't do a proper post. It goes without saying they'd be concerned when he goes deathly silent after pulling such a dramatic stunt. He spent years working hard to be able to present 'Oikawa Tooru' as a capable, level-headed, professional figure skater. 'Oikawa Tooru' didn't have problems - he doesn't want to worry his fans and wants them to be able to put their faith in him. It almost feels that if his fans find out that he struggles way more than he lets on, he'll be letting them down on some level… That, by some twisted logic, they'll abandon him…

Oikawa cautiously typed out a post, rereading it over and over to make sure that it sounded as lively as he usually sounds. He didn't trust himself to look presentable enough, nor did he trust that his fans wouldn't notice immediately something was amiss if he took a picture of himself. Instead he settled on scrolling through his pictures, picking one he took of a sunset a while back (pointedly ignoring a picture of plush lips pressed to a glass, looking startled at the sudden picture, regretting importing his old photos now).

I'm so so sorry I completely ignored you guys! (⋟﹏⋞") I guess I got too into my projects… but! Tooru-san is baaacck and I'll make it up to you by putting my all into these next performances~ ;D I love all of youuu~ °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° (1 photo)

The response was swift, countless relieved comments flooding in, along with fans telling him to take a break to rest. A few particular comments made his gut churn… saying that he sounded different and if something had happened to him. If he was in a better mood, he might've laughed, instead just feeling a sense of inadequacy. Leave it to his fans to be able to read between the lines of his blatant lies. It's times like this that he wishes his fan base was just a little more gullible and naive… Feeling a little less stressed out, Tooru pushed the comments out of his mind, closing the app with a heavy sigh. Maintaining a persona is exhausting…

Today Akaashi insisted that they go out and get some fresh air by heading to a coffee shop, chatting casually like they had in the past. It was, nice, to get out of his apartment. The atmosphere there was just so heavy and it would start to get to him sometimes, the penthouse having quickly stopped being his safe place. His home was now just a place he ate and slept in - not a place he lived in. This was a little taste of normality that he's been desperately craving. If there are more days like this one, then maybe moving forward will be better than he thought.

Tooru was the one who suggested that they go for a jog on their way there, the two beautiful athletes running in the crisp morning air. A pleasant sight for any eyes who got to witness such a scene. Thanks to the season, the sun was still dragging itself into the sky, leaving color staining the sky. Oikawa has always had an affection for the sky, finding himself drawn to it even as a kid, laying down and staring up into its vastness. Regardless of everything around him, he finds it hard to resist taking pictures of it, admiring the way the sky gets painted. As they ran, he pulled out his phone, snapping a quick picture to post later, his fans always seeming to enjoy his amature photography. The brunette had yet to put away his phone when he heard Akaashi's go off beside him. The expression settled across his best friend's face at what was on the screen certainly peaked his curiosity. What could a text say that would make Akaashi look like that? Looking forward, Tooru kept out of it, not interested in it if the skater didn't share it himself.

The shop they chose was a small mom and pop shop, yet it still was impressively busy with other tired, half-asleep patrons. After getting their drinks and sitting down, Tooru settled into the lazy atmosphere. He should value this free time while he has it, because soon they were going to be so busy they won't be able to think.

Another soft ding of a phone caused Keiji's brows to furrow again, teeth worrying his bottom lip as he clearly struggled with a decision. Tooru could only raise an eyebrow at the odd behaviour, calmly sipping his caramel latte while attentive eyes watched. Soon after, Akaashi seemed to come to a conclusion, replying back and setting his phone down with an unsettled air of discomfort.

" What was that about?" His voice seemed to shake Akaashi out of his head, glancing over before picking up his own coffee.

" Nothing really, just a confirmation text is all. Nothing exciting," Oikawa's eyes narrowed slightly, not entirely believing the other man, humming while bringing his cup up to his lips. Fine. If he wants to lie, he'll let him. It doesn't seem like it's a big deal or anything. Obviously he doesn't want to share, so who's he to force him to? He'd be naive to think the model-like man didn't have his fair share of secrets.

" … Mysterious~," Came his airy reply, settling back into his chair to just to enjoy the tranquil morning. Something to worry about when it becomes relevant, for now he just wants to detach from all this pent up anxiety.

To: Iwaizumi Hajime

I don't think it's a good idea… You should probably keep your distance

From: Iwaizumi Hajime

Don't worry about it. I have a plan.

Please, Akaashi?

To: Iwaizumi Hajime

….

Why are all of you hockey players so stubborn…

He should've known better than to think that the universe would allow him an uneventful morning out, feeling the presence stopping close before hearing it. Opening his eyes proved painful as chocolate met hazel in a mess of emotions, hands clenching tightly around his caramel macchiato. The yearning he had stamped down surged forward in an unpleasant rush of sorrow. A thousand words flew past both their eyes in that silent moment, both side struggling to say even one.

" Hey," Unsurprisingly he was the first to speak, sure yet careful - calculating. If he was in a better state of mind, perhaps he would've laughed at the irony of the densest man he knows putting so much thought into a single word. Suddenly his own lips left sealed together, focusing on stilling his shaking hands. The strong urge to light up or drown the bitter emotions in booze flared dangerously, having to swallow around it.

" I'm going ahead to the gym first, then," Came the words easily from his mouth, hardly meaning to even speak them. Oikawa stood without another word, brushing past his former lover as if it didn't kill him inside to do so. He can't stand those fucking damn stupid eyes of his , despising the sheer pity they held when looking his way, wishing they held something besides that.

The overly sweet drink suddenly tasted bitter as he walked back out into the morning, the sun now hanging comfortably in the sky. Everything felt all stirred up, thrown off kilter. It was with some relief that Iwa hadn't grabbed or tried to stop him, not sure he would've had the willpower to resist him.

Oikawa's feet started into a run, as if he could outrun the quiet longing blossoming in his chest.

It was like deja vu with how that frustratingly familiar face would crop up whenever he'd least expect it, seemingly everywhere to calmly ask to sit down with him. Thankfully his obligations meant that he couldn't bother Tooru as much as he probably would like to, giving the skater a little piece of mind. What makes it so much worse is that Iwaizumi is never forceful or angry or overly emotional about anything. He's just... there trying his very best to get through to Oikawa that he wants to have a civil chat… meaning Oikawa can't even find the heart to be pissed off with him because of it. Instead he feels like the major asshole for turning him down constantly. It isn't that he's not okay with the thought of talking things out with Hajime, it's just… he can't face him anymore. On so many occasions the figure skater would find himself laying awake - restless at night - mulling over letting Hajime try and convince him to fix this whole mess. Every time he would end up at the same conclusion; He'd rather Hajime just forget about him or hate him, anything, if it meant Hajime could find someone better. If he really sat down and let Iwa pour himself out to him… there's no way he won't fall all over again and be a useless burden to such a precious person. He can't let that happen. All that Oikawa can do is get his head above water and sever ties with Hajime. It's for the best… he hopes…

The night decided to be especially cold, the start of winter nipping eagerly at the waning weather, big flakes settling over the city. Akaashi had made it home first, Oikawa having spent some time working through routines for the next performance before heading out as well (he was under a strict curfew of a certain time before the demiure man would drive over and drag him out himself). Maybe it was all just in his head, but the gentle fluttering of snow seemed to cause the world to fall silent around it. Something about it calmed his troubled heart as his nose and cheeks flushed at the cold. Taking a deep breath, he buried his hands deep into his pockets, thankful for the biting cold keeping him grounded to reality. This is… nice. Absentmindedly he made a mental note to go on more jogs and runs, the fresh air always making his mood the slightest bit better.

After these past couple days, it was hardly shocking to find a sturdy figure standing steadily outside the gate of his apartment complex. What was more surprising was that is wasn't as frequent as it could be. Unlike the first time he had seen him waiting there, he never once paused in his stride, watching carefully as he grew closer.

Obviously noticing the approaching footsteps, Iwaizumi glanced over, perking up at finally seeing the man he was here for. Oikawa fought back a wince at his eyes drifting over a thin layer of snow that settled across Iwa's shoulders, clinging to his unfairly long eyelashes and settling on his hair. His complexion had gone rosy, lips shuddering at the intake of air, breath billowing out in steam. Baseless guilt constrained his chest, as if he was the one who forced him to wait there, knowing damn well he had been there a while. Maybe… if he had come sooner, he would've spared him… no, it's not his fault! Glancing down at his attire, Tooru felt cold on Hajime's behalf , the faux leather jacket not made for prolonged time out in almost-winter weather.

Brushing past him, Oikawa searched for his keys - at the same time searching for the strength to keep from telling him to warm up inside, still caring deeply for his ex-lover.

" Wear a warmer jacket if you're going to be standing outside, stupid. You'll get sick and hurt your team," Spilled out without his knowledge, the words soft while carrying a certain sadness to them. It was more than he's said to him since the first time he saw him after the break up, and fuck it made him want to just vent all the shit in his mind…! Clearly Hajime hadn't expected the nearly-affectionate scolding, a small little amused huff coming out after a short pause.

" I know," Perhaps the quiet of the night was contagious, the captain's words also soft and low. Just his tone was enough to guess that there must've been a gentle smile on those ice cold lips, Oikawa's chest growing heavy once more. A tense silence fell over the two estranged lovers, broken only by the jangling of Oikawa's keys as he pulled out the key fob to unlock the gate's door. A simple invitation was sitting dangerously on the tip of his tongue as a slender hand pushed open the metal door, oh so easy to blurt out. He's so tired of it all… Wants something to happen finally.

He was saved from saying something he may have regretted - lips even parted to speak - when a frigid arm was wrapped firmly around his shoulders, pulling him up against a sturdy chest. Hajime's cheek felt like ice against the nape of his neck, warm breath quivering with barely contained emotions. That's what killed Tooru most of all, knowing that obviously Iwa hadn't been holding himself together as well as he thought he had. He closed his eyes tightly, grip tightening on the door handle to keep him from breaking down. Hajime choked on his words a little bit, having to suck in a breath before managing to speak.

" I'm not giving up on you, Tooru, you hear me? I'll change your heart and fix this," His tone was resolute as he spoke, no doubt whatsoever in his mind. Such a passionate declaration left Tooru breathless, the beginnings of tears prickling behind his eyes. The feeling of wetness along the side of his neck gave Tooru pause, it taking a minute before he realized what it was… A quiet sob next to his ear confirmed his suspicions, heart breaking anew at hearing Iwa cry again. As if this wasn't bad enough… Oikawa couldn't do anything but shiver at Iwa's words, feeling breathless and dizzy. His world had been thrown off kilter once again by this stupid, charming, hockey player as his heart beat loudly in his ears.

Tooru honestly couldn't say how long he spent in Hajime's embrace, only knowing it wasn't long enough to satisfy his craving for contact. His lips brushed the back of his neck as he pulled away, the other man's absence leaving Tooru feeling impossibly cold. It didn't occur to him how badly he had been shaking until he saw his hand on the door handle, mouth opening and closing uselessly. With a few simple parting words, Iwaizumi disappeared into the night, leaving Tooru there to stand dumbly in the middle of the entry gate, numb. If he had any tears left, he might've cried, but instead he could only stiffly walk inside, aching for the burn of nicotine in the back of his throat...

The two lovers were none the wiser to the pair of eyes watching their touching moment from the shadows, a soft click lost to the softly falling snow...

A petite young girl sighed as she set her bag down, plopping heavily down on her bed, bored that she had no practice today thanks to having lost an important game not too long ago. Seeing her brother so distressed didn't help her sour mood either, her eyes still sore from crying. What she really wanted to do was play some mindlessly violent video games to get rid of these pent up emotions. Yet when she eagerly checked to see if the person she had been looking forward to seeing after such a trying day was on, he was nowhere to be seen. Pursing her delicate lips into a pout, she angrily grabbed her phone, glaring at the 'offline' bubble on her computer while she waited for the call to connect. Finally, a breathless, exhausted tone reached her ears with an indifferent 'hello?', dumping gasoline onto her bitter fire.

" Where the fuck are you, huh?! I come home, wanting to kick your ass at a game, and you have the nerve to be offline?! What's so important?! I thought you'd be on by now?!" She colorfully complained, her tone that of a petulant child as she flopped back onto her bed. An affronted huff came from the other line, clearly not liking being harassed so suddenly.

" I'm at volleyball practice right now, I'll be on after that, I promise," As if to prove he wasn't lying, the squeaking of sneakers and distant voices could be heard. All the same, it made the girl feel extremely lonely. There were other friends she could easily talk to, but none of them would understand this situation. Whether she wanted it or not he'd become one of her closest confidants. They had a tightly knit bond that she just didn't have with her other friends. Really, she forgets that they didn't even know each other before their relatives began dating (or... flirting and mutually wanting to bang each other at first, honestly). Sighing, she furrowed her brow, not wanting to accept this answer, wanting to vent to someone.

" So what? Skip! I wanna talk to you about stuff!" Came her insistent whine as she rolled around, throwing a tantrum like a spoiled brat. The boy could only scoff at her flippant words. It wasn't anything new that she harassed him when she didn't get her way; call it the curse of being the youngest child.

" Skip?! I'm an underclassman, how could you expect me to just skip whenever I please?! It doesn't work like that! I'll be home soon and you can talk my ear off all you want, okay? But I can't just leave because you want me to, be reasonable!" Just as she was about to protest some more, a commotion sounded from the other side, her ears straining to make out the low male voices. It was the first time she had ever wanted to get a hold of him during his volleyball practice, so she was curious what was happening. Little did she know, she had sparked a lot of interest from just her simple, innocent harassment call.

Takeru jumped when a sudden hand was clapped onto his shoulder, whipping his head around to see the strained smile of his upperclassman. Suddenly he felt like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar, his hands feeling more red than they should be for just taking a call from his friend. Private phone calls aren't allowed during practice time, but he just wanted to make sure nothing happened with Hajime or Tooru that he should know about. If he knew she had only called to pester him about not being online, he would've ignored the call! Stupid little brat trying to order him around like her personal slave! What is he?! A punching bag for her emotions?!

" You sure are something, Oikawa! Talking to your girlfriend in the middle of practice! You sure are asking for a beating, huh!? You flaunting it in front of us on purpose?!" The older boy hissed, getting everyone's attention with the word 'girlfriend', bitter hisses and boos and mocking jeers sounded from the team. Takeru flushed at being accused of having a girlfriend, wishing he could be so lucky, but unfortunately the only girl he's close to is the small she-devil on the phone! If only he didn't like her brother so much and she wasn't so easy to talk to, he wouldn't even have to put up with this abuse! Stuttering under the sudden attention, he helplessly waved his hands, struggling with explaining the situation.

" N-No! You've got it wrong! She's not my girlfriend! I-"

" Oh, so you're so popular with the ladies that you just have them casually call you to ask where you are?" The hand on his shoulder became almost unbearably tight, Takeru's face scrunching with pain. More unimpressed noises erupted around the gym, the other members gathering around now.

" No, that's not it either! There are no girls! She's just my friend is all! I don't have interest in her in that way! I'm sorry for taking the call, I just wanted to make sure nothing had happened-!" The lanky teen quickly blurted out, wanting to avoid this misunderstanding without being cut off, but alas, his older teammate had no such plans. His gaze was piercing, rooting Takeru to the spot, almost knocking him over with how strong his pats to his shoulder were.

" 'Friend', right. You're just friends. If you're simply 'friends', you won't mind us listening into your conversation, right?" The older boy suggested with a dangerous smile, getting a chorus of agreements and grunts of approval, Takeru blanching. He wouldn't care normally, but it's just that he's worried Hiroko will say something about her brother and his uncle's situation and make this private matter public…! He doesn't want to embarrass his family or his beloved role model who's like a brother to him! Or worse yet, she'll verbally castrate him like usual and he'll lose any face he has in front of his whole team and the next couple years will be hell…! There isn't a good end to this! New beads of sweat began to form on his forehead as he glanced down at the phone hanging limply at his side. Please let Hiro not say anything incriminating on the phone…! His pause made the faces around him darken, taking it as a quiet admittal that he didn't want them to hear intimate words between lovers. " Unless… there's something you don't want us to hear…?" Came the icy voice of the teen currently digging his fingers into Takeru's poor shoulder, snapping him out of his worries.

" N-No! There's nothing going on between us!" He adamantly insisted, leveling his gaze with the boy who was only a few inches taller than him despite being a few years older. Even on normal days, his captain could effortlessly strike fear into his very soul; today it felt like every word brought him closer to death. His health and well-being was in the hands of a feisty young lady, who's just as likely to sell him out even if she knew his situation.

" Then put your money where your mouth is, Oikawa. Speaker phone. Now,"

He swallowed thickly as he brought his phone up, tapping the speaker button in time to catch Hiroko's light, feminine voice floating out from the speaker, making the atmosphere turn arctic.

" Hello…? You still there, Takeru?" Said boy was sweating bullets, cursing his trusted friend for having such a cute, sweet voice instead of one that actually matched her brutish personality! This isn't helping his case! He didn't dare look up at the dark looks he could feel being thrown his way, licking his dry lips.

" Uh, yeah, I'm here. Hey, I'm still in the middle of practice, okay? You're gonna get me in trouble. I need to go now. I'll be on later, okay?" He spoke evenly, as if there weren't a group of jealous guys encircling him, all wanting to beat the lucky bastard who has a pretty voice coming from his phone. A little upset huff came from Hiroko, setting all the boy's nerves on end, everyone holding their breath, none more so than poor Takeru.

" That's too far away! I'm coming to you!" Came the firm statement that had Takeru's hopes of making it out of this completely shatter, the air around them becoming thick enough that it could be cut. Why couldn't she have cursed up and down and mocked him or something?! Anything to make it seem like they just had their friendship! Panicking, Takeru wanted to make her clarify their status to put the other boy's minds at ease, rushing out his words.

" Huh?! Wai-!" It was too late, beeping tones mocking him as he lifelessly stared at his phone, Hiroko's name and number fading from the screen as the called ended. Never has he hated this pesky girl more than now…! The deadly iciness in the gym became palpable, Takeru not sure if he should laugh or cry when he felt those accusatory eyes boring holes into his being, making his hair stand on end. Taking his chances, he nervously bit his lips as he raised his eyes enough to look at his fellow teammates. A single phrase could practically be seen written across all their disturbingly blank faces;

" I'm coming to you…?"

It goes without saying that Takeru ended up limping onto the court for their practice, new bruises already forming on his calves, arms and sides, his scalp even hurting from the aggressive head rubs. The entire time during practice the poor boy was thrown dirty looks, everyone - even the guys from his same class - all donning faces green with jealousy. Everyone's nerves were heightened, glancing towards the doors to see if this mysterious girl on the phone would actually appear. After he got hit with a few 'accidental serves' the boys all relaxed slightly, going back to bantering with each other, momentarily forgetting about the girl's promise to show up. Takeru nearly let out a sigh of relief, praying that Hiroko behaves and stays put until he gets back home so he can yell at her for being a pain in his ass. She so owes him a few rounds at the arcade after this!

Practice time was nearing an end, everyone slowly starting to do their cool-down stretches when a muffled sound of tires stopped outside the gym. It wasn't enough to alert anyone but Takeru, who was still riddled with anxiety despite Hiro not being exactly close to his school, knowing Hiro's athleticism all too well. She'd bike across country just to solely harass him if she needed to! She's the spawn of Satan.

Suddenly, the door burst open with vigor, a loud voice echoing around the gym, all the people inside freezing and whipping their heads over to see this newcomer.

" Buzz-cut!" Hiro's excited voice burst out, flashing a wide smile as she stared straight at Takeru, not seeing the obvious glares briefly thrown his way. Takeru cursed in his head that she had actually bothered to put on some makeup and wear her school uniform nicely today. Her white button up was even neatly tucked into her skirt - which was pulled up higher to make the plain outfit look more fashionable - and had on knee high socks, looking very pretty to most people. If he wasn't painfully aware of her aggressive, vulgar personality, Takeru himself would even be fooled by how pretty she is! But he knows the truth and can't even picture wanting to be romantic with her, seeing her too much as a great friend. Momentarily, the small girl's exuberant smile had infected him and made a hint of a smile appear on his own face, blurting out his usual greeting to her without thinking about the consequences.

" 'Sup, Short-stack," The air around his team became increasingly homicidal at the affectionate display of nicknames. At hearing the demeaning name, Hiroko huffed and rushed in, going straight for Takeru, who knew what was coming and curled in on himself, covering his stomach to fend off any possible punches. It was a mistake to turn his shoulder to face Hiroko, having tried to simply protect himself from an assault, but welcomed a different attack instead.

With a cute laugh, Hiroko impressively jumped up, clinging onto Takeru's back, wrapping her legs firmly around him before snaking her arms around his neck. For a blissful moment, the other teenage boys looked on longingly, eating their own hearts out with sheer jealousy, wanting a cute girl to jump onto their backs! Yet Takeru had the nerve to look displeased?! It all became clear when the inky haired girl tightened one of her arms, bracing it with the other before squeezing ruthlessly. One of those dainty hands went to the back of his head, pressing down on it to cut off even more air to his lungs, his face turning red as he stumbled. Her sweet smile turned evil as Takeru struggled with both her sudden weight and the lack of air to his brain, his long legs beginning to buckle. Try as he might, the volleyball player couldn't pry off the small arms from the deadlock around his neck, the girl not seeming sympathetic, leaving the other boys quaking in fear and shock. It wasn't until Takeru finally collapsed to the ground and frantically slapped his hand onto the court that the girl relented. The boy sucked in air, his face an ugly red as the girl leaned back, still sitting on him with a triumphant look. With a harsh slap to the back of his head, she flexed her arm, gripping her bicep with a laugh.

" I win again!" She chirped, looking very pleased with herself while Takeru gloomily rubbed his sore neck and now sore head, wondering why everyone wanted to beat on him today. Hiroko still didn't seem to feel any remorse for hurting her friend, humming while she patted his shoulder blades in a nonsense rhythm. Her plaid skirt splayed out around her, making her look even more perfect, like she was on a drama that was perfectly staged. The other teens around them all trembled in agony, their burning envy almost painful at this point.

" Okay, you won, now get off of me! Your ass is heavy," Takeru disinterestedly complained, not amused by having Hiro on his back and not having thought that there was anything special about being tackled and attacked by a girl. He can only hope that Hiro will be as vulgar and violent as she usually is so his team can see there's really nothing more than friendship, which was formed under a mutual circumstance of their family members fucking each other. Said teen brushed himself off as he stood, hissing at a painful pinch to his side. The small girl next to him simply frowned up at him, her eyes were rimmed with red now that he could see them up close. If he had to guess, he'd say she had been crying, which made worry tighten his chest.

" Be nice to me, I'm sad…! Who let you be busy when I wanted to vent?! Jerk!" Hiro mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest with a childish pout and a roll of her eyes. It was hard for Takeru to be sympathetic when his adam's apple still was throbbing with pain.

" You don't look sad to me! If you're so sad, why'd you have to choke me out?!"

" You're just weak!" She insisted, giving him a confident smile as he glowered at her, wishing he could get back at her, but sadly he knows she'd win the fight… That self-assured smile quickly fell when a sudden presence appeared in front of them, startling Hiro slightly, having been so happy to see her friend after a couple hard days that she didn't pay attention to the other guys in the room. Takeru looked up to find his captain standing in front of them, other curious members bouncing around a few feet behind him, all wanting to talk to the new girl. His captain's eyes lingered on Hiroko with a pleasant smile - which turned strained and pissed off when he looked over to Takeru.

" Hey, Oikawa, why don't you introduce us, huh? It's the polite thing to do!" In other words, ' introduce me to your 'not-girlfriend' or I'll punish you for interrupting practice the second she leaves'. At hearing the intimidating male's voice, Hiroko reflexively grabbed Takeru's arm, stepping closer to his side for comfort. He's seen her do the same thing when she's around Hajime - she'll cling to him out of shyness, not liking being socially confronted like this. The captain's sharp eyes darted down to the small hand desperately clinging to his arm, dark clouds rolling in behind his eyes. Damn it! Why does she have to pick now to be horrifically shy?! It makes him look bad!

" Uhm, captain, this is my friend Iwaizumi Hiroko. Hiro, this is my captain Harada," He mumbled, watching as her wide eyes watched the older boy's every movement cautiously, tucking in closer to Takeru's side, practically moving behind him. The tips of her ears burned red, her nails digging into the flesh of his arm. Suddenly becoming a perfect gentleman, his captain turned to Hiro with a warm smile.

" Nice to meet you, Iwaizumi-san! Sorry we didn't properly greet you as a team, you caught us in the middle of practice!" If Takeru didn't know better, he'd say the person standing before him was a completely different person from his authoritative, strict captain. It almost made him want to be sick at seeing how thick he was laying on the charm for Hiro. Said girl mumbled something almost inaudible, the two guys both not catching what she had said. " I'm sorry?"

" I said; call me Hiroko… I have a brother and stuff, so it just feels weird to be called Iwaizumi too, I prefer Hiroko, or just Hiro…" Her eyes firmly remained on the floor as she coyly corrected the older boy, unknowingly melting several of the boy's hearts with her adorably shy attitude. " And I didn't mean to interrupt you guys, I'm sorry…" She shyly looked up at the captain through her long eyelashes, the sound of his heart being struck with an arrow nearly audible as he visibly swooned. Takeru was completely unaffected, wanting to scoff at her ploy. She knew exactly what she was doing! She even told him to skip! There's no way she didn't mean to interrupt them! Yet all these thirsty bastards are drooling over her cutesy act! The captain laughed airily, waving his hand in dismissal of her apology.

" No, no no! You're perfectly fine! We were nearly done anyways! Don't feel bad! You're welcome to come and watch us any time!" Takeru couldn't believe what he was hearing; his strict, no-nonsense captain was waving off interrupting his practice like it didn't matter… When their coach wasn't around, his captain tolerated nothing, especially something halting practice. " In fact, it's rude of us to not greet you as a group, come on guys, line up!" Came the authoritative call of his captain, the boys all but stumbling over their feet in their haste to gather before them. Takeru felt appalled that a single girl turned all of them into desperate idiots - though she's also from a different school and with that comes a certain allure that's all too appealing. (Takeru also bitterly mused 'Too bad these idiots don't know Hiro's about as straight as a circle'.) It was interesting seeing his team looking so eager and full of smiles, their previously dark, jealous expressions now refreshed and bright.

" 2, 3-"

" Nice to meet you!"

Their voices were loud and clear, full of energy even after such a long, grueling practice. If not for the sweat on their brows, you wouldn't know that this group of boys had just been working out. The passionate greeting left Hiro understandably overwhelmed, tucking even closer to Takeru for a moment, one of her hands coming up to her collarbone in surprise. At the expectant faces looking at her, she offered a shy smile, ducking into an awkward bow with her own 'nice to meet you too', abet a lot less loud and confident. Thankfully Hiro started feeling a little more more comfortable in front of this group of guys, letting go of Takeru finally - now those accusing eyes could lighten up a bit and his arm will get a chance to gain feeling back.

After the group introduction, it goes without saying that Hiro was immediately encircled by hungry volleyball players, all wanting to be acknowledged. Questions were thrown at the poor girl rapid fire, Takeru not having any sympathy for her since she's the one who got him a beating by his upperclassmen. That brat can struggle for a while for justice. The lanky teen casually walked over to the bench, sitting down and taking a water break disinterestedly, watching on in mild amusement.

" What school do you go to?"

" Uh, it's one a couple towns over. Sakuri-"

" What year are you?"

" I'm a first year,"

" That move you did earlier was really cool! Where'd you learn it?"

" I learned it from watching a fight online-"

" You can do it on me if you want!"

" Eh-?"

" Yeah, yeah! Me too!"

" Um-,"

" Do you like sports?"

" Yeah, actually! I love hockey the best, and play on a team. My brother also plays hockey," Finally on the subject of sports, Hiro seemed to relax a bit, allowing a comfortable smile to grace her rosy lips. This seemed to send a collective thrill through the team, all of them suddenly causing a ruckus at this news.

" Whoa, you play hockey?!"

" Yup! I prefer to play center, because you have the chance to interact with the whole rink from the center. Though I do well as a defensemen too and tend to do my fair share of checking when they allow us to," Hiro cheerfully explained, smiling brightly as she spoke, her airy voice setting the guys around her on edge, all of them looking like they were ready to float away at the slightest breeze. If it was possible, they all seemed to grow more infatuated with her after catching a glimpse of her passion. Takeru has the sneaking suspicion that maybe Hiroko secretly loves to be the center of attention once she's comfortable enough. She had these athletes hanging on her every word, all of them seeming ready to listen to her explain the logistics of hockey all day if she wanted to talk about it.

Conversation turned back to her wrestling moves somehow, Takeru surprised that this sadistic behavior somehow struck a chord with his troubled team. Could it be… they're all… masochists ?!

" Hey, hey! Hiro should totally do that choke hold move to the captain!"

" Ah! Yeah! Come on cap' let's see what you got!"

Both the captain and petite girl seemed surprised by this, the captain quickly growing flustered at the idea of a pretty girl having her hands all over him. The tall teen waved his hands coyly in dismissal, awkwardly muttering ' No, no, I'm fine, we don't need to do that,'. This refusal sparked a mutual outrage from the team, all of them starting to jeer and harass the captain (only because with a girl around, he's turned a lot more docile).

" Awh, come on cap'! If Oikawa can take it, you could too! Show us why you deserve to be our leader!" Raucous words of agreement were thrown out, the captain being shoved forward encouragingly. On one hand, you're getting up close and personal to a beautiful girl, but on another hand, you also are getting choked out. The other boys might be jealous, but they also don't want to lose face, so who better to sacrifice than their captain! Said teen looked helplessly at the short girl, trying to silently communicate ' I don't want to force you to do anything, but I wouldn't be at all upset if you maybe said no and spared me' with his eyes. Sadly for him, Hiroko wasn't one to spare people, and this was going to be no different. A sly smile tainted those innocent lips, her hands going to her hips with a challenging tilt of her head.

" I'm not going to be nice, you know," She drawled, the team's hair collectively standing on end at her cheeky words, the captain having it the worst. His ears burned a brilliant red, stuck in quite the dilemma. He could accept and let himself be choked out by a first year half his size, or he could reject it and face ridicule by the whole team. Awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, he reluctantly agreed, earning himself a round of whistles.

Hiroko calmly instructed the sturdy captain to get down onto his knees, everyone holding their breath in anticipation. The captain's heart was in this throat, beating loudly in his ears as he felt the soft fabric of her uniform brush his neck. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried willing away the tingling sensation he got from feeling her arm around his neck. Without any warning, Hiro locked her arm around him, bracing it ruthlessly, pressing down on the back of his head. The amount of strength shocked the third year, a choking sound involuntarily slipping out of him, his hands reaching for her arm. He could feel the muscle of her arm flexing, his airways thoroughly cut off, leaving him a bit dizzy. A low, dangerous sounding voice spoke next to his ear, leaving him with goosebumps washing over his body. Even without being able to intake any oxygen, it was hard for him to not find that voice endlessly attractive.

" You have to tap out or I won't let you go,"

Those words were a direct attack to his pride, a certain amusement dancing between those simple words. He has a feeling that she knows exactly what tapping out too early will do for his image in his team's eyes. It was then that he got a taste of what this bashful little first year was really like and how Takeru could be so upset at her showing up. Just as he was starting to appreciate her attitude, she conveniently tightened her vice like grip even tighter, like a snake slowly trying to strangle the life out of prey. The hands that were quivering above her arm - originally unwilling to bring more contact between them - now grabbed on reflexively, trying to pull it away enough that he could take in a mouthful of air. It was baffling that it was so hard to get this high school girl to let up, used to girls being pushovers when it comes to strength.

Sure enough the mighty captain's face slowly flushed red with the lack of oxygen, his lungs burning with a very urgent need for air, his fingers digging in slightly. His urgency only made the cunning girl behind him clench harder, his teeth grinding together at the amount of pressure on his esophagus. The team held their own breathes, their surprise growing by the second at how long this feisty, short girl had managed to hold their captain down in a choke hold. Again, that borderline sultry voice spoke into the struggling teen's ear, her breath caressing his skin in a way that had him wanting to climb up a wall.

" Tap out," It was a command more than a suggestion, that demure little voice held a great amount of authority. Something makes the captain feel like somewhere between the time his knees hit the ground to now, the positions had flipped. No longer was he the experienced captain chatting up an attractive underclassman, now he was firmly knocked down below her. Every second seemed to stretch on, taking with it the last of his options as he felt his mind grow fuzzy. What's worse; Tapping out or passing out? A big, calloused hand shot out, slapping the ground insistently. That pressure immediately releasing, his red lips sucking in a harsh gasp of air, choking on the glorious air filling his aching lungs. His body crumpled forward as he held his neck tenderly, fresh sweat rolling down his forehead. Sure, if he really wanted to, he could've most likely pried her arm from his neck, but she still possessed enough strength to make him shudder...The group of volleyball players were all silent for a moment, staring dumbly at their fallen captain before a single thought passed by all their frozen faces.

Fuck, this girl is scary…!

Hiroko's silky laugh floated around them as she joyfully patted the captain's back, catching sight of the new redness to his neck.

" Ah~ you did well! I was thinking for a minute there that you were going to go till you passed out, captain!" The amusement clearly bled into her words, showing that she really would've been happy to see him pass out if that's what it came to. She was surprised to hear him speak up again, his voice a little hoarse from having his throat clamped shut.

" Call me Naoki," Came his response, still managing to flash a charming smile Hiroko's way, not seeming alarmed by her. Truthfully, he's not sure whether he should feel aroused or not, just praying he doesn't have a choking kink that he had never realized before. Hiro only smiled at him, humming in acknowledgement, catching the playfulness in his words. She helped him up, the team buzzing back to life with new accusations of their captain trying too hard and being flirty.

" Okay, Okay, shut up. Get back to cooling off and cleaning up so we can get ready to go home, you idiots," Hiroko was thankful for the break in attention, not used to being fawned over with so much interest directed her way.

It was with some relief that she turned to Takeru sitting on the bench, his face still full of indifference. Her small body plopped down heavily next to his, the melancholy seeping back into her being now that she wasn't distracted. Takeru easily picked up on her drop of mood, watching as small, delicate hands gripped her pleated skirt, trembling slightly. Knowing how she works, she probably bottled up everything, waiting to vent everything to him. Now it was obvious why she was so insistent about talking to him and was so upset when he was busy with practice.

" How's Hajime…?" He hesitantly asked, keeping his voice low so the others wouldn't hear, bumping his shoulder into her's to get her attention from the floor. Takeru's dark eyes glanced over to the short body next to him, watching as her eyes grew glassy. A sigh slipped past his lips, guessing about as much. Hajime means everything to her, so it's easy to see why she'd be so distraught by everything. Hell, he was uneasy over Tooru, too. " I figured as much… Tooru's not much better," He quietly explained when she failed to reply, turning his eyes back to his team stretching, a couple guys who were done bringing out the mops. Taking a slow sip of his water, the lanky teen wasn't able to ignore how much the girl's shoulders were trembling, panicking slightly.

" Hey, no crying," His voice was light and attempted to be playful as he gently hit her arm, trying to distract her from her overflowing emotions. He honestly can't say if his tactic worked or not when Hiroko looks up at him with watery, beseeching eyes, her face flushing red already. She looked fairly pathetic, it impossible for the awkward teen to not feel sorry for her.

" Ru… Are they going to be alright…?" Her voice shook as she spoke, suddenly looking like a little kid searching for comfort. The sight of his friend looking so upset tugged on Takeru's heartstrings, having a soft spot for her no matter how adamantly he says otherwise. Hiroko is the pesky little sister he never had, a desire to protect her flaring up within him. His slender hand pressed down on her head to make her duck it down, disguising the small little reassuring stroke he gave her hair. Once this little pest snaps out of it, he'll be damned if he lets her mock him for being concerned about her.

" What are you even talking about, huh?! They're grown men, they can handle this themselves. Just give them some time to work it out, okay? So just stop thinking so much and making yourself cry, idiot," Takeru had a strange feeling that he was also trying to convince himself to not be so concerned for them… After all, he's the one who went running to the rink to try and get Hajime to do something and then clung to Tooru until he fell asleep… He's the one that could use some comforting! Hajime's words came flooding back to him… ' Go on, it'll be fine. I'll work this out, I promise, '... It'll work out… It has to. For Hiro, he needs to convince himself that it's nothing noteworthy. At least they can be friends after they talk things out...Takeru can't help but hope - maybe naively - that they'll get back together, not wanting anyone but Iwa to be a part of his family.

" ...Are you sure…?" Fuck, that sad little voice is going to kill him! How does she manage to go from trying to strangle him to being so sad and pathetic to the point you want to cry yourself?! He's more than ready for her to go back to cursing at him. Letting his hand fall from her head, he sat back confidently, rolling his shoulders.

" Of course!" Takeru leapt up from the bench, his team just about through with cleaning anyways. His attentive eyes caught sight of her small hands rubbing at her eyes as she took deep breaths. Pretending like nothing had happened, Hiroko stood up too, dusting herself off before looking back up at him. Besides her eyes being a little red and her nose and lips being rosy, she looked fine. A dimple showed itself when she smiled softly up at him, Takeru hating himself for the sense of pride that shot through him. He's not good at comforting people, so having cheered her up felt really good.

It was lucky they ended their little heart-to-heart when they did, just barely escaping the watchful gaze of the other volleyball players. Now that they were finished cleaning, they started hovering around Hiro again, his captain Harada Naoki being front and center.

" Sorry that you missed all of practice! You'll have to stop by next time so you can see us do our thing!" A chorus of agreements rose across the group of boys, all eager to see the petite girl once again. Hiroko grew flustered and coy once more, smiling shyly at being asked to come back.

" Yeah, maybe I will stop by again," Came her airy reply, the group of teens all but fainting at such a pretty, feminine voice caressing their eardrums. None of them really had much time to think of girlfriends, but having such a catch of a girl around them is making them feel dizzy. Takeru, on the other hand, frowned at the thought of Hiroko coming to harass him at school now, wanting to have at least one safe place!

" Go to your own school with your own friends!" He hissed out under his breath, the boys starting to dreamily walk to the club room, high on their own fantasies. Just as he was about to join them, Hiro grabbed his jersey, bringing him to a halt, the other guys burning holes in his head now.

" I'll wait for you and take you home," The side of Takeru's head now felt like it was on fire with how intense the jealous glares were. Being reminded of the fact she came uninvited - upset or not - made Takeru's rage burn bright, just wanting her to leave him be for a minute. Shrugging off her hand, he shot her an irritated glare that he hoped would make her behave.

" Just go home yourself!" He spat coldly, turning away after catching sight of the petulant pout forming on her face. He doesn't need to see her to know that she's going to puff up like an angered kitten and probably beat him the next time she can. She left with a huffy 'fine!', the volleyball players flaring up at him having the nerve to be so cold to Hiro. If they had to put up with her all the time like he did, they'd be fed up too!

A few upperclassmen grabbed him and kicked his calves, crying in outrage that he made her leave, slapping the back of his head for good measure.

" How could you be so mean to your girlfriend, huh?! You don't know what you've got!" Someone yelled out in the club room as they started changing. Takeru's face was as blank as it usually is, calmly slipping his jersey off, wishing his team would stop being so rowdy already.

" She's not my girlfriend, for the fiftieth time," A heavy sigh slipped from his lips, wishing that they'd just trust his words. He has half the mind to just scream to the heavens that Hiroko doesn't do dick even if he did have a romantic interest in her. Maybe then they'd stop acting like a hungry group of beasts, riled up after being in the same air as a girl. He braced for the slaps to his back that he seems to get after every time he says that statement.

" Geez, a girl comes from a few towns over just to see you and you have the nerve to say she's not dating you, Oikawa?! Ah, underclassmen are seriously ballsy! What do they feed you guys?!" Takeru could only roll his eyes, sticking to himself.

" She was so cool though…" You could hear the collective raising of eyebrows at the captain's dreamy words, no doubt smiling like an idiot. Takeru wanted to scoff so bad, but held off just barely.

" She smiled at you too, you lucky bastard! You even had the nerve to try and be suave with 'Call me Naoki~'! Ahh! If you weren't the captain, I'd punch you!"

" Yeah, yeah! Who told you to be so good looking?! Couldn't you be a bit uglier?!"

" Ehhh, Naoki-san really turned up his charm today! How could you try and steal Oikawa's girl?! He's just a freshman, go easy on him!"

" Please, if you have the ability, take her," Takeru mumbled, pulling on a clean shirt while the club room erupted in noise once more.

" Wow, Oikawa must be pretty confident in himself!"

" Damn Takeru!"

" If you're not careful, I just might, Oikawa," Naoki declared with a challenging smirk that was met with a bored stare. Not wanting to encourage them any more, Takeru only muttered out a 'okay', tidying up his stuff into his bag.

The team started messing around as usual, carefree laughter filling the air, radiating youthful appeal. They started on their way out, bantering about one thing or another, just enjoying their time apart of such a tight-knit group. Takeru has to admit, even though his team sometimes seriously get on his nerves, he loves them like a second family (a family full of abusive older brothers… but a family all the same). A boy from his same grade threw an arm around his shoulders, laughly heartily at a joke someone said, Takeru's offering a small smile.

For the second time today the sound of bike tires scraping the ground disrupted the blissful ignorance surrounding the volleyball team. Takeru felt his back break out in cold sweats at seeing Hiroko skid to a stop before them, scooting forward on the bike seat, her long legs on display. Subconsciously the boys internally shivered at the thought of wearing a skirt on such a chilly day, bundled up themselves. Her fiery hazel eyes were firmly locked onto a certain tall freshman, her hands gripping the bike's handles tightly.

" Get on, Buzz-cut," Those simple words cut through the shock of her sudden appearance, all of the boy's soaring souls abruptly tainted once more with jealousy. Hiro's expression still bordered on being pouty, challenging Takeru silently with her big eyes to object.

" Didn't I tell you to go home?" He tiredly asked, stepping forward all the same, seeing as there's usually no arguing with her. Hajime is the only one who stands a chance, but even then if she doesn't want to listen to him, she won't.

" And, when exactly did I start taking orders from you , hm?" She countered, her slender shoulders moving back defiantly, a hint of a grin sitting on her lips. Groaning, Takeru rolled his eyes, walking towards her with a sour expression on his face. When he took a moment to adjust his backpack to be more comfortable on the back of a bike, Hiroko turned her attention back on his captain. " I was thinking, maybe I should come see one of your guy's games in the future. I can come cheer you on," Those sweet, sweet words swiftly charmed all of those weak hearted boys, their bitter jealousy blooming into flowers on the spot. The one the most taken was captain Naoki, his ears tinting red as he straightened up even more. Takeru's mood plummeted at that, not wanting her to embarrass him at his games.

" Absolutely not," Came his immediate rejection of such a horrible idea, Hiroko already frowning at him again.

" Aw, why not? I wanna see you play,"

" I warm the bench a lot anyways since I'm just a first year, so there's no reason for you to come," It wasn't a lie but he does play fairly often for a freshman - not nearly like his uncle had when he was on the team, landing first string immediately. Just as Hiro was about to complain again, Naoki jumped in.

" What's wrong, Oikawa? Why not let your girlfriend come see you play?" There was a mischievous twinkle in his captain's eye then, daring him to accept that she was his girlfriend. 'She's not my girlfriend, for the last time' was sitting on the tip of his tongue, ready to lash out in frustration when there was a sudden outburst at his side.

" Girlfriend ?! This loser, having a girlfriend ?! Pfttt!" The small girl doubled over laughing, clutching her stomach, her bike shaking slightly as she laughed. In an instant all of his anger towards being ignored this past few hours flipped on its head. Watching his friend nearly hysterical with laughter at the thought of him having a girlfriend hit a sore spot he didn't know he had. It's true he hasn't had a girlfriend pretty much ever , only just barely getting close to a few girls before they forgot he existed, but hearing it out loud was… kinda depressing. Hiro's laughter was easy on the ears, lifting the boy's spirits that were already high at the indirect claim that she was single. Takeru's mood, meanwhile, only grew darker the longer his annoying friend laughed at his expense. Kicking the back tire of her bike angrily, Takeru glared at her flushed, amused face. This little bitch! I comforted you and thisis how you repay me ?!

" Hey. The longer you laugh about it, the more pissed off I feel… What's so funny about it, huh?!" The raven haired girl wiped at her eyes as her laughter trailed off, pulling herself together as she looked over to him with a wide grin.

" Ah~, the thought of you actually managing to get a girl is great! I can't see it at all," She teased, smacking his arm playfully, Takeru less than amused as he rolled his eyes. With a huff, he swung his long leg over the bike, sitting back on the seat to give her enough room to sit in front of him. Naoki's watchful eyes brightened up, searching Hiroko's face for some sort of sign.

" Soo, I take it you're not together, then?" It was hard to miss how hopeful his words sounded.

" Absolutely not . That'd be like me dating my brother , it's just, no. We're just good friends is all," Her voice was enchanting, flashing a charming smile to the tall captain as she shifted on the bike to get ready to ride. This group of energetic boys nearly burst a blood vessel in envy at seeing her well muscled, smooth thigh flex as she put it on the pedal. Similar thoughts were running through their heads that moment; Why does Oikawa have to have so much luck when he doesn't even appreciate it?! Riding chest to back with a beautiful girl?! Pick any one of us to ride on the back of your bike!

" 'Friends' is debatable…" Takeru mumbled, grabbing the seat bitterly, regretting ever being so nice and comforting her and getting her to not cry. First she doesn't listen to him - twice - and then she harasses him publicly! What a privileged brat!

" Well you're the one who only got on the back of my bike after I made fun of you," She countered swiftly, causing Takeru to have to swallow a generous helping of pride, cursing the girl before him thoroughly. Hiro laughed once more, straightening out the bike, just about ready to take off when she tilted her head to the side. A flirty smile sat tantalizingly on her plush pink lips, her hazel eyes staring right at the tall captain, sending his heart launching into his throat.

" See you around, Naoki, later!" She teased, effortlessly pushing off the ground and pedalling off as if there wasn't a giant teenage boy on her bike, a whole head above her. The buzz-cut sporting boy only gripped the seat, seemingly used to the impressive speed the small girl was capable of. Her legs were a force to be reckoned with. Her skirt fluttered in the wind, protected by a set of safety shorts underneath as she swayed with every pedal.

In her wake she left an extremely flustered boy, red from his hair down to his toes now, a pair of pretty pink lips burned into his memory. Behind him were a group of boys all being forced to swallow their bitter tears that all the attention was on the one boy. It all started with them feeling a powerful jealousy now ended with most of them forlorn.

Cruising down the street were two people on a bike, looking like a perfect picture of youth; two young teens riding freely down the street on a chilly end-of-autumn day. The tall boy had to duck his head a little to make up for the girl's shorter height, not wanting the wind to sting his eyes. His brown eyes gazed over her shoulder and the side of her face, sensing a shift in the atmosphere. Sighing, he adjusted his bag's strap, trying to think of something to say to change things.

" Stop leading my team on when you know damn well you're not into guys," Takeru's words held no real heat behind them, really not caring what she does. Though it is annoying to have to be the source of all envy…

" Maybe not, but it's fun. Not my fault they fall for the first girl they see. I'll tell them I'm gay eventually. Though, the captain isn't hard to look at. I'll keep him in mind if I'm ever feeling more bi than gay, "

They rode in companionable silence, the traffic fairly light as they went through the streets. It didn't take them too long before they reached the area around Takeru's home - yet they weren't heading in the right direction. Within a couple minutes, Takeru noticed they were riding in circles, not making any progress. Just as he tried looking around her shoulders to question her, he caught a small sniffle, noting the tension in her shoulders…. Ah … guess she wasn't totally better yet…

" You know, riding in circles won't get me home…" He softly spoke as they passed the souvenir shop for the third time, the cold breeze starting to paint his cheeks rose. Takeru can only shudder to think how cold her legs must be in that skirt, wondering why she didn't put on some leggings at least.

" Shut up…" Even her voice was quiet and wobbly, breath uneven as they kept up in their circling of the block. Sighing, he leaned forward to rest his chin on her head, willing to let her just work out her problems on her own. He's no good with words - that Oikawa gene had skipped him, his mom says he gets his social ineptitude from his father - not that the stubborn spitfire would listen to him. She's always seemed to like to do things by herself, only asking for help when she's tried everything she can think of first. That's not something he can fault her on, being a stubborn person himself. It's no wonder they butt heads so often.

His eyes lazily counted five times they pedaled this block before they suddenly broke off from their route and headed further down the block. She brought the bike to a sudden halt in front of a small malt shop, Takeru having to grip the seat to keep from flying forward.

" Buy me some ice cream," Came the selfish demand, Takeru not sure he heard her right for a minute before the realization sunk in. She turned her head to look back at him with a childish pout, the boy struck speechless.

" You-?" Indignation churned his stomach, his wallet crying out at more being demanded of it. " Who the hell do you think you are, huh?! Why do I owe you ice cream?! Better yet, why do you want ice cream when you can nearly see your breath?!" If he didn't know better, he'd seriously think that he'd suddenly got a spoiled younger sister in his fourteenth year of life. Said girl crossed her arms over her chest as if she was the one being affronted instead of him.

" I'm sad and I want ice cream, don't judge me. I'll do you a favor and set you up on a date with a nice girl, god knows you could use the help," That caught Takeru's attention, feeling his resolve crumble at the thought of an actual date… Saying a silent apology to his wallet and pride, he let his lanky body slip off the back of the bike reluctantly.

" You're so high maintenance, how can I even have a girlfriend at this rate?" He grumbled as he headed inside to order two hot fudge sundaes, quietly grateful all the same she'd help him out (while still being a brat, of course). The young man even put up with the bemused smiles coming from the shop owners, definitely having their own ideas about the two of them. If he was bold enough, he'd correct them and say that girl was simply a freeloading she-devil and most certainly not his girlfriend. Sadly, he's too shy to do anything but mutter out a thanks when handed two small bowls. He's already said those words too many times in one day, he'll let them assume what they will.

With that, they biked to his house, greeted by the rare sight of his father (who's frequently sent out on business meetings, so his mom likes staying at his grandparents so she doesn't feel lonely when he's gone). Hiroko is such a fixture around his life that his dad was only mildly surprised to see the two of them ride up. As they both went past him to go into the house, said man eyed the bowls in Takeru's rough hands in confusion.

" Ice cream…?" Came the hushed questioning, clearly understanding that people don't have frozen treats on a cold day (unlike the weirdo before him). The young volleyball player had just about enough of everyone today, thoroughly annoyed, not wanting his flaws pointed out again.

" Yeah, don't remind me…" His slimmer wallet will do enough of that on its own… It's been quite a day...

"... And we're back with the famous figure skater who's making a name for himself at only 25 years old; Oikawa Tooru! It's so nice to see you again!"

Said man pushed down the urge to cringe at the bubbly voice directed at him, not exactly thrilled to be gushed at so early in the morning (especially since he hadn't slept the night before). All the same, he flashed his usual charming smile, pretending like he didn't feel groggy and had no desire to be here.

" Hello! Same goes for me as well, I'm happy to be here!" After so many interviews you learn what words to say to appease the reporters without having to think about it. Right now wasn't about him it was about Oikawa Tooru , time for his carefully constructed persona to shine. It was so much easier to be Oikawa Tooru on the rink, at least then he could let his real self shine without worry.

They fell into the usual banter, talking about his current routine and the theme for it and how he felt about the upcoming competition and all that. Nothing noteworthy, all practiced answers. It was only when a sly smile started glittering in the reporter's eyes that Tooru started sweating. Some primal part of his brain was telling him to get out of the situation, knowing all too well that nothing good will come out of these next words. The pit of his stomach turned acidic, burning the back of this throat as his stomach churned uncomfortably. The woman's welcoming voice turned saccharine as she spoke lightly - accusatory - making Tooru choke on the artificial sweetness.

" We have a picture from a few days ago that was brought to our attention, would you care to elaborate on it?" It was a rhetorical question that only had one answer he could give despite how badly he wished to leave his seat.

" Sure,"

A hand motion directed him to a screen off to the side where a darkly lit image appeared. Oikawa felt like he was going to be sick, the two pairs of broad shoulders disturbingly familiar, illuminated by the light of a streetlamp. The figure skater could almost hear several years get shaved off Sugawara's lifespan at this bombshell. It was a gut punch after the initial frenzy of the 'Iwaoi scandal' quieted down, almost assuming people had forgot - a naive thought, really. Oikawa swallowed around his dry throat, trying his best to keep his features neutral as he stared at the picture. Thankfully neither of their faces could be seen, it just looking like an intimate embrace in the snow. If they had caught the tears or the unmistakable pain , it might be a different story.

" It certainly appears like there might be more in this relationship with Iwaizumi-san than you two are saying, would you agree?" She was trying to lead him, that's plain to see as he looks back at her expecting eyes. Suga's anxiety was pouring out in waves, those brown eyes definitely drilling into the side of his head, hoping Oikawa could make a good response to this. Steadying himself after such a shock, Oikawa had to stamp down the building rage that some slimy prick infringed on such a private moment of his. Flashing a bright smile, Tooru folded his hands respectfully before speaking.

" I have no idea where you got that picture from, but I like to keep my private life away from the public eye. I don't have anything to say because it's none of your concern. Whether there is or isn't more to tell isn't anyone's business but mine and I hope you can respect that," Under the charm laid a sharp bitterness that left no room to come at him from another angle without looking like a dick. Poise is so hard to maintain when you know someone was paid good money to pry into you at your moment of weakness. Tooru truly hates this side of media where everyone tries to stab each other in the back. If not for his fan base, he probably would've given up after first seeing how terrible people can be. The reporter had the nerve to look abashed, letting out an airy laugh, catching his unsaid threat.

" Ah, I suppose~, well, I know I'm as eager as your fans to find out more about you two. You certainly know how to tease us!"

The sour taste in his mouth lingered as the two walked to the bulky car, rage boiling beneath his skin. After weeks and weeks of being depressed and then numb, this burning anger felt almost refreshing. The flames of his fury had sparked something in him, wanting nothing more than to throw himself back into his passion as an outlet. Oikawa let his head rest against the tinted window, frowning at his reflection.

" What a dick," Came from the silvery haired man next to him, just as annoyed by everything as he was. Such vulgar words coming from someone who looked like a model never ceased to amuse Oikawa, taking the edge off his anger. It felt good to hear Suga hissing into his phone about looking into whoever was the prick that took that picture and who paid them off, glad to have such a caring manager. He knows that Suga will do everything in his power to get justice for his humiliation, and that makes him feel… welcome in this cruel spotlight.

A sleepy figure sat with their head pressed against the wide window of a bus, lazily watching cars zoom past in a blur of color. There was plenty of background noise with the low rumbles of men's voices bantering and bursting out into laughter every now and again. It brought some comfort to the man currently slouched in his seat, arms folded across his chest, hating the silence most of all. His face was scratchy with stubble that he couldn't be bothered to shave but still made him acutely more aware of his jaw.

If his hands weren't tucked under his arms, they'd definitely be shaking considering they're on their way to a very important game. Their win-loss record left a lot to be desired, one more loss and they were done for… Yet one more win and they had a chance to make it to the play-offs. Hajime's eyes caught sight of a billboard, heart stopping at seeing a familiar face grinning while in a pose, other skaters around him that Hajime didn't know. Important dates for performances were plastered across it, but all his eyes could see was that confident grin. His own words echoed back to him.

" I'm going to get him back,"

As the sign disappeared from view, Hajime steeled his resolve. They were going to win this - they have to.

The screaming was deafening, it enough to disorientate anyone, let alone someone who hasn't gotten much good sleep lately. His head felt stuffy, nerves getting to him for the first time since he began his career. A voice next to his ear brought him back, the screams seeming sharper and more focused now.

" Wazzy , come on, we need you with us," Kuroo's concerned expression showed through the plexiglass mask, clearly hoping that his captain was mentally present. Shaking his head to rid himself of the fog that seems to be settled over it, Iwaizumi offered a coy smile.

" Sorry, I'm back, got distracted for a minute there," He half shouted over the crowd, it hard to hear anything over the roar of the passionate fans. His mouth moved to regurgitate the game plan they had went over many times, not even having to think about it. With one last team yell, they broke out in formation, Bokuto moving up to take the face-off. All the screams tuned out as Hajime watched the center rink, only his ragged breathing and racing heart filling his helmet.

We have to win

We have to win

We haveto win!

The whistle blew as the puck dropped, just barely hitting the ice before Bokuto shot it back to Kuroo; the game had begun. It was a blur of movement as he pushed forward, being greeted with the man who was clearly guarding him. Ignoring the opponent for a moment, he whipped his head back to watch for the puck as it passed between his team. Makki hit it over to Iwa as he moved to make for the goal. If they can just get this first goal, it'll be good momentum for lat-

Shit ! Hajime desperately stretched his stick out to save the puck, having misjudged the distance in his eagerness to get in closer. His mark bumped into him as the puck easily slipped past his stick, a quick player snapping it up and making a mad dash. Fuck, no! Gritting his teeth, he slammed to a halt, reversing to chase after, Mattsun would be in a bad place in a few moments. Hajime's heart jumped up into his throat as he tried to catch up, his mark keeping pace and fucking with his progress. Elbows were driven into his sides, forcing him to have to shove back, the other player effectively dragging him down.

The poor captain could only watch as Kyoutani moved to attempt to wrestle the puck back, a second too late as the man reeled back and got an unguarded shot on goal. The buzzer rang loudly in his ears, body slowing to a stop as his brain struggled to register what just happened. He tore his eyes away from their goal to look up at the red, neon score, everything fading out again.

Oh…

He fucked up…

But… their momentum…?

No matter how much he stared, the score remained the same and the 1 didn't budge. All the previous will power he had seemed to be gushing out of him like a deep wound, that single point mocking him for trying to start off positive. How long had he paused…? A second? A few seconds? A minute ?

A heavy gloved hand clasped his shoulder, demanding his attention, lively black rimmed eyes staring back.

" We'll get it back," Kyoutani's voice was it's usual low gruffness, yet there was a hint of reassurance tangled between the curt phrase that Iwaizumi could pick out. How defeated must he have looked to have Kyoken of all people trying to cheer him back up…?! The bottle blond hardly made any move to initiate social interaction outside of challenges and obscenities. Comfort was well out of the range of 'things Kyoutani is willing to deal with'. Surprise overtook Hajime's features for a minute before that endearing half-pout soothed his broken spirit, smiling warmly at his teammate.

" Of course," Iwaizumi is a captain , he can't be so discouraged by the lost of the first goal. The game has only begun, if he's already having to be comforted by his team, he might as well not have showed up. " Time to get serious,"

The following two hours were grueling , the 17 minute breaks felt fleeting and unsatisfying. It wasn't long before the captain found himself drenched with sweat, hair plastering itself to his forehead, panting heavily. Every inch of him felt sore, his mind and body fatigued, nearly collapsing at the ruthless checks from the competitors. It was obvious that his team was trying just as hard as he was - shown by the fact they're struggling valiantly to keep the scores even. The other team was good , having more fast players than they did, pushing their defense to the limit, making their offense have to make up the difference.

His stick clashed with the defenceman's own, fighting for control over the puck. With how brazen a lot of these players are, Hajime's beginning to think that this team is made up of pests. He forced Hajime to go from the center of the ice to the side, probably looking to shake him up and force him right into the boards. Biting down on his mouth guard in rage, Hajime batted the puck from the side, leaving it open for a brief second. High risk for high reward… Pushing forward, he got the puck ahead enough to smack it straight over to their Winger Makki, who then passed it to the feisty Power Forward Kyoutani. He had been irritated this whole game, so it's safe to say he bulled past the other players in a dash for the goal. Kuroo and Bokuto acted as obstacles to get some of the pressure off Kyou, not putting it past them to get in close and force a call on Kyou. His team knew what he wanted without even having to tell them. If it was any other team, pulling a play out of nowhere would be suicide with how easily the other team can gain control - but this is his team. His family . He trusts them completely.

Hajime got shoved against the boards for his cocky move, but it was all worth it to hear that buzzer go off and Kyou let out a roar. Looks like he still has a few tricks up his sleeve from being a Grinder, working the sides as a rookie. Whipping his head back around, Iwa checked the score, still wary despite them tying the game up. It was too soon to be relieved yet. They can't afford it. This is their last chance to stay in this. It was the third period and there wasn't much time left on the clock, and something tells him that if this goes to over-time, they won't make it.

Both teams lined back up, the crowd whipped up in a frenzy at how close this game would end up being. Tension settled across the rink, both teams desperate for the win, intense eyes staring at one another. Iwa took a deep breath, tuning out the crowd once more, eyes laser-focused on the puck in the ref's hand. Every muscle in him tensed up, waiting for that precious moment of the puck dropping. There's only enough time for one more play before it'd go into overtime. He can hear his team panting around him, needing this game to be over with as soon as possible. Just… one more point… They can do this…

Time seemed to go too fast, it feeling like Bokuto smacked the puck back within a fraction of a second, leaving him scrambling. For this play, the other players seemed to breathe down their necks even harder, Hajime hating players who stuck so obnoxiously close. Using what little of his strength he had left, he shot forward, trying to create an opening. The puck was quickly passed between Kuroo and then to Makki, Kyou being tied up with the same guy who's been trying to take out their explosive youngest member. They did their research well and know that when Kyou's heated up, it's hard to recover from how aggressive he can be.

Makki whipped his head around, spotting Hajime with his mark trailing him, trying to decide if him or Bokuto would be the better bet. Bokuto's mark was still too close for Iwa's liking, not wanting to underestimate this team's speed. You're the captain! He reminded himself firmly inside his head. You have to make this call! Gritting his teeth, he tightened his grip on his stick, letting out a roar that'd cut through the deafening din of the crowd.

" Pass it to me! " Without hesitation, Hanamaki shot the puck over to Iwaizumi, everything slowing back to a crawl for said captain. His heartbeat echoed around his helmet, sweat rolling down his neck, body heat trapped within his heavy gear. One single thought was going through his mind as the puck hit the tip of his stick; We've got to win this!

Just as he went to push off his skate to go for the goal, he accidentally smacked the puck further away than he wanted it, having been trying to keep it close to prevent steals. In a flash a guy he lost track of snatched it up, making a dash for the other end of the rink. Iwa's stomach sank as he took off after him, having the strongest urge to throw up at seeing Matsukawa being rushed. Kuroo wasn't able to handle all sides himself, their team frantically trying to switch to defense, not a good match for such a fast team. There wasn't much time left, but overtime would be better than them getting another point, despite how badly he wanted to avoid it.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

No!

He can't, this is all his fault! They can'tlet them win!

Hajime felt breathless as he watched Mattsun brace himself, ready to desperately defend the goal with everything he's got. They had more players down there, able to pass the puck back and forth to sike Mattsun out.

One of their smaller players slipped by Kuroo, hooking in a shot that snuck just under Mattsun's leg guard as he tried to block it… Hajime's eyes grew wide as that ear-splitting buzzer wailed, the stadium filling with screams from both sides - one of joy, and the other shock. He slowed to a stop, his eyes flicking over to those big red numbers, as if seeing the score would change it. One of the other players knocked into him as they rushed to embrace each other, Iwa's arms falling limply to his sides while his mind struggled to process everything. They… lost…? Oh…

" DAMN IT! " Kyoutani's growl cut through his haze, hearing the younger man throw his stick to the ice in frustration as he panted heavily. Their side of the rink was noticeably quieter than the winning team's, the fan's silence punching him in the gut. Mattsun stood up from the goal, taking his arm padding off slowly. Iwaizumi slowly turned his head to his team, guilt nearly reaching up to choke him when he saw their tired, defeated expressions. Everyone was breathing heavy from exerting so much energy trying to hold their own so their season wouldn't be over yet.

The tears started welling up before he could stop them, Makki looking over and noticing that he was about to lose it. He let his team down… he let their fans down… If he just hadn't missed those shots and hadn't fucked up they might've…

" Hey, Haj-" Hanamaki started, reaching out to grab his shoulder, but Iwa cut him off by turning to face their disappointed fans.

" I'M SORRY! " His cry broke through the other team's celebration, the whole stadium seeming shocked at his exclamation. Hajime fell to his knees, pressing his helmet to the ice as bitter tears streamed down his face, a gasp seeming to go through the crowd. His shoulders trembled as he cried, angry with himself for not being good enough. Maybe if he had slept more he would've been able to react faster…? What if, what if, what if?! There's fuck all he can do about it at this point besides show their loyal fans that he's sorry he let them down.

" We're sorry! " It was Hajime's turn to be surprised at the shouts next to him, raising his head to see his team following his lead, kneeling next to him, tears rolling down their flushed faces only serving to make him cry that much more. What idiots … He gave them a watery smile, just wanting to bring all of them in for a hug.

They were all caught off guard when a chant was started up in the stands, spreading through the stadium quickly. The players couldn't help but sit back and look around in awe at their fans passionate faces, not looking like they were the losing side anymore.

"Aoba! Johsai! Aoba! Johsai! Aoba! Johsai!"

They walked out of the rink with those cheers still resounding in their heads, spirits slightly lifted after such a crushing defeat.

Guilt still weighed heavy on Iwaizumi's shoulders as they started changing, feeling responsible for at least a few goals that could've saved them. Fresh tears burned his eyes as the fabric of his jersey bunched in his hands.

" I… I cost us a few goals… I'm s-"

" Save it," The sharp cut into his words left him speechless, looking over to Bokuto in shock, feeling lost at seeing his hard look.

" But-"

" It's all of our fault that we missed a few points. Aren't you the one who said that there's not just one person playing the game? We've got each other's backs. If we miss a point, then we're all responsible for it, there's no point picking through who's 'fault' each point was. We lost. We need to work harder and get better, that's it." The black and white haired man said with a shrug, amber eyes staring right through Iwaizumi, stunning him with how mature and incisive he was for once. If he didn't know any better, he would've thought that Bokuto was the captain here instead of himself.

" Whoaaa! Bro, that was fucking badass !" Came Kuroo's voice from across the locker room, giving Bokuto a thumbs up. As if a spell was broken, Bokuto snapped back into his usual goofy smile, rubbing the back of his head coyly.

" Ahahaha~ really?! Thanks bro!" Kuroo's smile turned feral as he poked at the other man's shoulders playfully.

" I think you're gunning to be captain, Mr. Alternate captain~!" He accused, Bokuto's eyes practically shining as he puffed up.

" You seriously think so?!"

" Yeah man! But, you have to get through me first, owl!" The two bantered, lifting some of the tension off the team like usual, even Hajime cracking a smile. At first, he wasn't sure that those two would make good alternate captains, but they both have their own unique ways of keeping this wild group together.

" There's no way either of you could beat Zumi for the title," Came Makki's lazy drawl as he half collapsed on Mattsun (who took the opportunity to grope his tired boyfriend's ass). Both men paused and sighed, agreeing with the pink haired man's statement. Iwaizumi grew a tad flustered at his team's approval of him, appreciating it all the same that they think he's still right for the job, even after his breakdown.

The team all settled down again, getting washed up, their coach giving them a pep talk and pointed out what they could work on for next time before heading out with promises of a team dinner. As they all got dressed again, Iwa pulled on his shirt while he settled on his plan. With a deep breath, he blurted out what he was planning to do before he could second guess himself.

" I'm gonna to go to his competition in France," A heavy silence fell over the room, everyone knowing damn well who 'he' was. Surprise was drawn on all of their faces, not expecting their captain to go out of the country for something like this. " Since our season is over, I won't have to worry about leaving the team behind. We're gonna be on a break for a while before practice starts up again, so it seems like a good time to go… I want to go support him, he's at least still my friend , regardless of anything else," Hajime swallowed around the knot in his throat, half expecting them to tell him to not go, looking at their faces for their reactions.

" But the question is: Are you going to go with that beard though?" Kuroo asked, sounding half serious, breaking the awkwardness of everyone not knowing what to exactly say about their beloved captain going off to France alone. Bokuto nearly busted a gut at that, laughing heartily at Iwa's thick stubble being acknowledged.

" I don't know, it kinda suits him," Makki's low, sleepy voice chimed in, eyes raking up Iwa's person, as if his beard needed to be viewed alongside his entire body. Iwa felt a little exposed under his gaze, being reminded of the general agreement of his team finding him fuckable. Sometimes he wonders why he sees this team as his family…

" I'd still smash," Mattsun hummed with a firm nod, looking far too serious for Iwa to handle, feeling his ears grow red. Flustered beyond belief, Iwa just rolled his eyes with a huff, pulling on his pants to get as much fabric over his body as possible.

" I can't believe you guys…"

" He's kinda got the grizzled 'man's man' look now," Purred Kuroo, his waggling eyebrows being pointedly ignored.

" He always looks good…" The new, gruff voice was a surprise, Kyou trying to play off commenting at all by facing his locker while hurriedly putting on his clothes. The comment wasn't ignored by the older men though, a chorus of jeers echoing around the locker room.

" Oooh~ my, my Kyou! You've got a boyfriend ! How could you say such things?! What would Yahaba say?!" Hanamaki seemed to have gotten a second wind after hearing the young thug reveal his fondness for Iwa again. Kyou scowled at him, his face blossoming red with shame, regretting saying anything on the matter of Iwa's facial hair. All this, just because Iwa hadn't bothered to properly shave for a while… Red himself, Hajime let out a grumble, wondering how this room of guys had been crying not half an hour earlier.

" Do you guys ever stop…?!"

After the mess of an interview several days ago, Tooru decided to take his routine in another direction in order to work out some of this aggression. Initially he was going to do his usual happy, energetic skating style in hopes that it might make him feel more himself . Now all he can think of is doing something different , something new that his fans haven't seen before. He'll get all their minds off this new 'development' in the Iwaoi scandal (which his faithful fans were upset over, defending him and his right to privacy). If you want to get rid of a scandal, give them something new to talk about.

All of which is why Oikawa finds himself sitting in a hotel bathroom with an empty box from a French convenience store sitting on the sink, cigarette between his lips. He's sitting on the end of the tub, hair slicked back, already looking extremely dark in the reflection of the mirror. With his limited amount of French, he went out to the store behind his watchful friend's backs to get some hair dye. For most people, dying your hair isn't that big of a deal, but when you have so many eyes on you, the slightest change can make people lose their minds. He takes a lot of pride in his hair, so dying it jet black is certainly a big step.

Leaning over the side of the tub and washing out the leftover dye from his hair felt… good. It was nice to feel in control of something for once, almost having forgotten what it felt like after slipping back into depression. Tooru looked over at his reflection in the mirror again, seeing the damp, black hair hanging in front of his eyes. A small smile touched his lips, hoping that maybe this was a step in the right direction. He's been trying so hard to improve (while still having his crutches to help) so Akaashi and Suga can stop looking at him like they expect him to fall apart the next second.

It was safe to say that his two friends weren't exactly thrilled he went and did something behind their backs, but it's not like it's the end of the world. It'll make his fans go crazy, but at least it's not a romance scandal with a famous athlete.

The competition seemed to come quicker than expected, Oikawa feeling especially tense and agitated this time around. There's always a level of stress when performing a new routine; How's it going to be received, how will it be to execute it properly, did all of the practicing find all the mistakes in the choreo? All of his fans eyes would be on him, eagerly watching to see how he does… What he wouldn't give for a smoke right now…

Tooru stiffly went through the process of stretching and getting his costume on, allowing the stylists to make him look presentable. The entire time he had on his headphones, listening to the music for his performance, running through every move in his head. Everyone else didn't matter, he fell back into his 'zone', not having the time to pay attention to someone else when this was the debut of this routine. It's because of the trance-like state he falls into with new choreography that leave some people with a bad taste in their mouth. They take his focus as rudeness and write him off as a prick. Not that their opinions matter, he's not here to make friends , he's here for his fans and to finally be on top.

It was time, the competition had begun. He and Akaashi helped each other stretch out before heading out to the rink as the time for Akaashi's turn would be up. Of course they still wore zip-ups to hide their outfits as they left, Suga in tow, but that didn't stop there being a reaction from the crowd as they came out. Amongst the general noise of the crowd, Tooru could definitely hear comments about his hair, blocking most of his out as he tapped his fingers in time with his own music.

With no warning, a skater stepped into Oikawa's line of sight, the man's face already grating his nerves, that smirk screaming 'I want to fight'. Usually, he had a pretty level-head and could fake a smile and spew some insincere niceness, but he just knew that tonight he wouldn't be able to. He didn't stop walking towards his fellow skater, not bothering with a smile in his direction.

" Well, well, where's that newbie of yours? He's not skating with you today?" Sure enough, the man's sneer gave way to a combative attitude. Tooru kept his mouth shut, already feeling his anxiousness turn into annoyance. Tonight isn't the night for people to pick fights with him. " What, did you already get tired of him and throw him away like you do to everyone? Was he just bad in bed-?" By now he was just about to pass the mouthy skater, already mad about this asshole mentioning his ex-lover, now fuming in rage at him insinuating Oikawa dumped him for not being fuckable. The image of Hajime crying into his neck with promises to make things right only fanned his flames. What the fuck does heknow?! Who's he to say what went on between them?! He loveshim-

Stopping in his tracks - shoulder to shoulder with the cocky man - Oikawa's positively deadly glare caused the man's mouth to snap shut, smart enough to realize that he crossed the line. If Oikawa didn't care so much about his image and about skating in general, he'd have laid this guy flat on his ass. His muscles were already flexing with fury, having to stop himself from doing something that'd get him banned from this rink. Instead, he opted of clasping the man's shoulder with enough force to bruise, satisfied with his wince.

" You shut your fucking mouth ," His voice was low and venomous, intent very clear in his words. " Maybe if you spent more time practicing than running your mouth, you'd have a chance to so much as glimpse the top ten! Don't fucking talk to me ever again and stay out of my fucking way," With those words spat out viciously, Oikawa lightly shoved the man's shoulder enough to force him to get out of Oikawa's way. Suga hurried to move him along, touching his back with a soft tone of ' Oikawa!' . The other man's complexion had gone somewhat pale, most likely knowing he was lucky he was at a competition or Tooru would've lashed out.

Before any cameras could film or take pictures of him, Oikawa cleared up his expression, forcing on a cheery smile while giving the shocked man a friendly wave. " Good luck on your performance, I hope it goes well~!" He cooed, eyes still dark with rage, betraying his happy-go-lucky persona. As soon as he turned around - Suga close to shoving him along at this point - he allowed his smile to drop, a little more motivated to crush his competition. They can keep thinking he's a self-centered play boy who's willing to step on everyone to get what he wants, he'll just have to get to the top on his own and prove them wrong.

Thankfully he had plenty of time to cool off next to Suga on the bench as Keiji performed. Watching his closest friend skate so passionately made Oikawa a little… sad. The dark haired man's movements were always so pleasing to watch, flowing with the melody in an almost entrancing way. His problem was his landings, he tends to be unsteady on his footing and has fallen on bad days. He's still consistently good, the only problem is… judges don't seem to be wowed by him despite Oikawa being able to acknowledge Akaashi is a solid skater. So much passion.. Yet his season is over… he had a few bad weeks that knocked him down in the rankings… no matter how good he does this time, it won't matter. It leaves a bad taste in his mouth, feeling upset for Akaashi - who's not at all bothered by his loss. Tooru could only wince as Akaashi stumbled, having to touch the ice to regain balance - a loss of points.

Keiji was breathing heavy as he stepped off the ice, offering a small smile to the two men waiting for him. Not caring that he was definitely covered in sweat, Oikawa reached out to pull Akaashi in for a hug, wishing that he could join him in the next competition. It's nothing new for Keiji to not make it as far as Oikawa did, but it pained him every time.

" I thought you did great out there," Oikawa whispered in an encouraging voice, both of them knowing that it was pointless for Akaashi to try , yet he did . Regardless, Akaashi let out a little chuckle, returning the hug.

" Too bad you're not a judge," He lightly joked, Oikawa pulling away, wanting to say something out of guilt, but his friend cut him off. " It's fine, don't worry about me, just focus on your routine, okay? I'll be watching for sure," Tooru watched Suga and Akaashi walk off to the kiss and cry to wait for his score to come in, leaving him alone to stretch and make sure he's warmed up.

Now that he was the next one to perform, he took off his zip-up, showing off the simple outfit oh a faux leather jacket with some bedazzling around the cuffs and collar with a plain black tank top underneath. It wasn't his usual flashy costume with bright colors and sequins. He also had his bangs swept off to the side to show off his smokey eyeshadow, seeming like a totally different persona. Even his song choice of House of Cards was pretty out of the ordinary, it having a very melancholy sound.

The score for the pervious skater had come in, their happy face broadcast on the screen for all to see, the crowd fading out as he slipped back into his focused mindset. He was going to show off all his hard work, he's going to do something right again… Give them something to talk about … He was going to do just that…

Stepping out onto the ice, Tooru felt all his anxiety melt away, no longer stressed out about anything. It's just the routine he had practiced over and over. He just needs to do it and it'll be all over. No need for wondering anymore, it was time to skate.

The music was soft to start, Tooru twirling out of the pose he held before it started, casually skating around the rink in time with the music. His strides grew stronger, pushing him across the rink as the beat of the music changed. A breathy voice began singing, Oikawa's hands reaching up to run up his neck sensually, hitting the beat of the music every time. There was a lot of footwork involved for this song to get across the emotion he was going for. Desperation came through every quick move, his skates crossing over each other as be built up to his first big move.

As the music's tempo picked up, Oikawa went into a spin, pulling out of it to do some more footwork, building up the momentum he'd need to pull off his Quadruple flip without under-rotating. He flipped around to skate backwards, twisting his body before pushing off, trying his best to count how many turns it felt like he was doing before landing, whipping around the ice with how much speed he had gathered. Through the haze his focus created, he heard the roar of the crowd responding to the first jump. He never really thinks much about how the crowd responds, more focused on execution than how much the fans are enjoying it. Just as he was going to flip around to do some more spins, a face caught his eye in the crowd. It's not exactly easy to make anyone out in the crowd, of course, but this person was on eye-level.

His focus was completely shattered, trying to subtly turn to take a second look without fucking up his footwork. The second brief glance confirmed his suspicions, feeling his face go pale at seeing the last person he'd have ever expected to see here in France . He desperately tried to draw his mind back onto skating, wishing he never even bothered to look back. Oikawa tried listening to the music, sliding to the ground dramatically like he planned on when the music lulled and the singers voice went airy. Was that him…? He hardly recognized him with the thick stubble on his face, but it's hard to forget your lovers face, stubble or not.

He might as well have not even bothered to stand back up, the lapse in his concentration taking its toll on his performance. When he tried to land the next jump, he ended up flubbing it, having to touch the ground to steady himself. On his spins he just knew that he didn't get enough rotations in, his growing frustration only making his moves less fluid than he had wanted. His teeth clenched together tightly as he did everything he could to keep it together, putting the man in question out of his mind. The desperation he was hoping to get across through his skating took on a whole different meaning, instead of trying to seem like he was yearning, he was just trying to even complete another good jump.

It was with some relief that the song finally faded out to an end, Oikawa pulling a pose as he kicked himself in his head. The crowd still cheered wildly, not making him feel any better for doing such a piss poor performance. All his extra work made his body even more exhausted than it would've been in the first place, his knee throbbing somewhat painfully.

A whole different sense of anxiety and frustration bubbled up as he sucked in deep breaths, feeling exhausted at having to push to correct himself. What the hell is he doing here ?! It makes no sense! Could he maybe have seen wrong…?! Even so, it's ridiculous that Iwa - whether here or not - could make him lose focus completely! Wasn't he the one who said that he was going to move on and prove to himself he'd be just fine without Iwaizumi?! Look how well that went…

Oikawa gritted his teeth, annoyed with himself and his stubborn dependency on Hajime, skating his way off the ice after flashing a few smiles. Akaashi and Suga were there to greet him, both knowing that obviously something had went wrong, based on how much he messed up. It's with some luck that he's in good enough standings that one fucked routine won't hurt him too much. Right now, all he wants to do is punch something to get all this… emotion out of him. He needs to talk to Hajime, if only to put an end to all these feelings he still has for him. After the competition season is over, he'll sit him down and tell him that the most he can offer him is friendship. Maybe then Hajime will give up and he can slip back into having relationships where he doesn't have to worry about letting them down.

He allowed the concerned hands of the gray haired man to rub his shoulders, spouting reassuring words as he lead him over to see the scores. The entire time his head kept spinning, wondering if he really was seeing things and if not, why Iwa would come here .

" I'm not giving up on you, Tooru, you hear me? I'll change your heart and fix this…"

The words whispered out from the back of his mind, making his stomach churn nervously. If he's not careful, he almost feels like he might believe Hajime has the ability to do just that…

(Even with him trying his best to ignore the dull throbbing in his knee, watchful eyes of a certain person in the audience caught his limp.)

Somehow he managed to get a good enough score that he'd be able to hold onto second place - the remaining few skaters not usually getting the best scores - and it almost made him more upset. If only out of self-hate, he wishes that he'd get punished worse for how badly he did for his own standards. It was an effort to put on a bright smile, needing to be grateful that he made it to such a respectable rank after everything. The following award ceremony was a blur, lost elsewhere in his mind, needing to get out of the spotlight asap. He needs to confirm the horrible suspicion he has.

Later that night Oikawa sat inside his hotel room, throbbing knee soothed with some ice as he buried his face into his phone. A simple type of a name yielded all the results he had been worried he'd find…

Professional Hockey Team Aoba Johsai… Out of Playoffs After Emotional Loss

His heart already sank, it clear now why Hajime would be able to fly out to France to watch him skate… It got harder to swallow when he clicked onto a video with a troubling title, watching helplessly as the camera focused onto the broken team. Hajime's lost, tear stained face brought back horrible memories, able to feel the heartbreak through the screen. Tears sprung to his own eyes as he watched, the score at the bottom of the screen almost painful to see. A strong voice broke out over the noise of the crowd, only making Tooru wish that he had clicked off the video sooner.

" I'm sorry!"

It was then that he looked through some of his most recent comments, seeing his fans asking if he saw what happened with Aoba Johsai and if he was going to talk to Hajime about it. Tooru sat up in bed, typing in the number he had memorized during countless sleepless nights, wanting to take that leap, but not able to. His thumb hovered over the call button, his heart beating in his chest, practically able to hear that deep voice already. The breath he had been holding hissed out all at once as he clicked off the call screen with a heavy heart. Maybe.. Maybe he's not ready for calling yet… But maybe… Opening his messages, he typed the number in again, shaking fingers typing out a short message;

'I'm so sorry to hear about the game… I wish I could've been-'

With a quick shake of his head, he backspaced a few times, leaving it at the first part. Simple, unemotional, just a…a text to a… friend. Again, his finger hesitated over the send button...

Instead it hit the backspace once more.

'I heard about your loss. Sorry-'

' Sorry-'

' You-'

' How do I even talk to you-'

A strangled cry of frustration choked out of him as he closed everything and tossed his phone onto a different part of his bed. He can't bring himself to sent his condolences to Hajime, not after all the running he's done. Not after Hajime promised to change his mind and get him to fall for him again. He's so fucking useless…

Sweat was now steadily dripping down Tooru's brow, burning his eyes whenever it'd make its way into them. His body protested, muscles crying out for a break, legs trembling with exertion… His bad leg felt like someone was slowly cutting it off of him. Considering he hasn't gotten much sleep, he's probably a minute away from just collapsing out of pure exhaustion if his leg doesn't give out first. He doesn't know how much time had passed, just that everyone else had long since given up on their own routines. Akaashi was letting him practise on his own now that Tooru has seemed like he was on the right path, not knowing of the chaos going on inside his head. Tooru had gotten almost disgustingly good at pretending he was fine… Still, Akaashi held some healthy doubt within him, saying he would be back to pick up Oikawa. If not, who knows how long the skater would stay there, perfecting moves until his limbs stopped working.

With a deep breath, Oikawa started into a jump, getting the three rotations in it that he had been hoping to get. The weightless feeling was very exhilarating for the half second he got to experience it... before his weight came down on his injured leg… The pain shot straight up his nerves, causing him to stumble into the wall, clutching it for support as he hissed. Sweat dripped from his hair as he hunched over, pulling his knee up closer to his chest, trying to sooth it pointlessly. That was… bad. He hasn't had his knee hurt this much since he had first injured it… It's without a doubt due to his new 'workout regimen', his body isn't used to working this hard with little to no break. He'd half-heartedly tried icing it every now and then, but since the last competition in France, things had gotten worse. It's kind of impressive that it took this long for something to happen, honestly.

Gritting his teeth, Tooru gingerly set his leg back down, feeling the violent throb in it as he slowly pushed off the wall to let that leg take more of his weight. It only twitched, trying to warn him that it wasn't stable anymore. Thankfully he has enough adrenaline pumping through him to dull the pain (for now). Tooru's shaking hands moved to massage his knee, every instinct telling him to call it a night before he gets ahead of himself… but at the same time he needs this, craves having a difficult task to focus his buzzing mind. A small laugh started wanting to bubble up out of him at the sense of deja vu settling over him. Funny. This is exactly the situation he found himself in when he busted his knee all those years ago. His body was protesting, but his anxiety of having a genius breathing down his neck drove him to practice till he couldn't practice anymore.

Out of pure stubbornness, Oikawa began slowly skating around the rink, planning on pushing his body further. He'll be damned if he lets this relationship get the best of him. He can't lose. He already lost Iwaizumi, he can't lose this competition…! He needs to be the best - to prove to himself that he's worth it! No more distractions. Once he's on the top he'll be able to properly face Iwa again... To do that, he needs to perfect this routine.

Ignoring the screaming of his knee, Tooru sped up for the jump, digging in his toe pick, launching himself into the air, tucking his arms back in to spin.

Before he even made it back to the ice Tooru knew that this jump didn't feel right at all… His stomach dropped as he straightened out his arms early from the jump, needing to be ready to catch himself once he hits the ground. It felt like he was in the air forever, feeling his centre of gravity shift slowly right where he absolutely didn't want it. Tooru's ears filled with the sound of his own thrumming heartbeat, watching in horror as the blade of his bad leg finally met the ice at an awkward angle. Time raced forward once more, all of his weight landing heavily on his leg, the weird angle not helping as momentum carried him. A sickening, wet, pop echoed in Oikawa's very core, something going horribly wrong with his knee. His whole leg collapsed underneath him, his body slamming onto the hard ice, continuing to slide and helplessly banging against the wall, his breath being knocked out of him. All at once the pain registered, his body writhing on the ice as he bit his lip to keep the screams of pain inside. No, no, no, no, NO! Fuck! He fucked up!

Everything in his mind blanked for a second, unable to register anything but searing pain as he rolled onto his back, clutching at his knee, gritting his teeth, short, pained huffs of breath blowing from between his clenched teeth. The bare flesh that was touching the freezing ice began to burn, urging him to get up off the ground now . Hot tears ran down the sides of his face, the bright lights of the rink blurring together. Panic set in at knowing that he was alone with a fucked up leg that he wasn't going to be walking on anytime soon, only able to lay there in incredible pain on cold ice that didn't help. He's the one who told the security guard that he could patrol elsewhere to get some privacy, and Akaashi won't be here for a while, leaving this problem entirely on his own shoulders until at least then. It didn't help that he also had too damn much pride to call out for someone in this pathetic state that he himself caused… Hissing out quick breaths, Tooru knew that he had to get off his back and get to his phone if he wanted to get help. Trying to mentally prepare himself for the pain he was about to experience, Tooru screwed his eyes shut, digging his fingers into his thigh. With a quick motion, Oikawa rolled over onto his stomach, his injured knee knocking into the solid ice, protesting loudly.

" A hrgg ahhh fuck !" Oikawa's nails dug into the ice as he tried to deal with the bolts of pain shooting through his body, even more sweat rolling down his face and neck, meeting with the fresh tears streaming down his face. He fucked up. He always fucks up. He can't do anything right, whether it be listening to his body or his significant other. Oikawa felt himself start to break down, emotionally exhausted from dealing with the voices in his head for so long, just wanting a break . His breath came in quick, shallow bursts, his lips trembling as he struggled to keep it together. Closing his eyes, Tooru reached out, digging his nails into the ice, pushing with his good leg as he crawled across the ice. Every movement was like fire inside of his knee, leaving him gasping for breath.

Tooru inched along the ice at an agonizingly slow pace, his muscles getting more and more weak as he went. His sleep deprivation and barely recovered diet was starting to come back to bite him, making his energy leave him faster than it normally would. A self deprecating smile slowly stretched his lips at this entire situation. Funny how he used to be called the 'King of the rink' - he truly found himself in this rink - and now he's crawling across it, pained and miserable… If he wasn't too busy panting, he'd probably have laughed. Some 'king' he is… All he is now is a fallen king - broken… damaged...pushing away the very people who keep him together and pick him up when he still manages to fall apart…

What did any of this even prove ?! He knew for a while now that his body was telling him to stop, but he didn't… Why ?! To feel better about himself? To distract himself? To… punish himself for the guilt he feels over what he did to Hajime…?

" I'll have already beat myselfup if I ever hurt Hajime before any of you could get to me,"

His own words echoed back to him, only making it harder to not laugh. At least he can say that he's not a liar, look at how thoroughly he's gone and fucked himself up. Not even all of it can be blamed on the messy break-up either. It was only a matter of time before he reached this point, it merely jump-started his breakdown. It'll make for some excellent headlines though; ' Oikawa Tooru Has Mental Breakdown! His Fall From Grace Detailed Inside! ' has a nice ring to it.

Just as Oikawa set his head down in resignation, not wanting to deal with the pain of crawling anymore, a welcome voice gasped out his name.

" Oh my god! Tooru !" Said man lifted his head, watching his friend slip as he hurried onto the ice, his face ghostly white. With shoes on, it took him a minute before he could reach Tooru, searching his body for any obvious injuries.

" You're… early… Aka-chan," Oikawa breathed out with a weak smile, Akaashi not even acknowledging it, simply asking if he could move before attempting to help him to his feet. In order to keep from yelling out in agony at the pain, Oikawa bit down on his lip, feeling the skin break as he let out low grunts, grateful for the adrenaline that's keeping him conscious. By the time they made the short trek out of the rink and to the bench, Tooru was freshly soaked with sweat, watching his bad leg tremble helplessly.

" I knew I shouldn't have left you…" Akaashi whispered, running anxious hands through his hair as he watched Tooru pant and writhe in pain. " We need to get you to a hospital, you've definitely done somethin-"

" NO !" He blurt out, feeling his heart start racing at the prospect of having to go to the hospital again. Even before the time he brought Hajime, Oikawa always avoided hospitals if he absolutely could, and the trauma of dragging Hajime there didn't help. It was bad enough having to go get stitches… Maybe, maybe if he just does the routine he had last time he fucked his knee, it'll get better on it's own and he won't have to go back there? Tooru offered the best smile he could, trying to act like his knee didn't feel like he hit it with a hammer. " It's… fine. It's not the first time I've... messed it up, so-"

" Shut up." Tooru was taken aback at hearing such firm words come from Akaashi, looking over to him only to be greeted with a dark glare. The rest of his words died on his tongue, thinking it best to not argue with Akaashi looking so angry. " I'm taking you to the hospital. You have no say in the matter. You're not talking yourself out of this one, Tooru," Said man could only swallow around his anxiety, already uncomfortable just thinking of the hospital. Akaashi looked ready to throw him out the building himself when he went to open his mouth, having to immediately calm him.

" Fine, fine! I'll go… but… can we not do an ambulance…?"

Getting in and out of a car was the worst thing he's experienced, the adrenaline worn off by this point, the pain sharper and agonizing. Akaashi had called ahead to they could go in a private entrance, away from the public eye. It wasn't long before they had him on painkillers and started taking all sorts of tests and pictures to see what exactly went wrong.

By the time all that was over, Oikawa was nearly asleep, watching a nervous Keiji pace the floor, waiting for either Sugawara or a doctor to arrive, biting at his thumb. His bad leg felt numb, both the ice and the drugs in his system doing their job. All these pain pills made him drowsy, not having gotten a lot of sleep since the last competition. Guilt still ate at his conscience, wishing Keiji would at least stop pacing - wishing that he would stop looking so tired . Just as he was about to open his mouth to apologize, the door clicked open, Akaashi nearly lunging at the person who entered. Oikawa's stomach sank at seeing the doctor, really not wanting to hear what he had to say, fearing the worst. Not wanting to hear those words again;..

' You may never be completely 'right' again…'

" Good news; It's not an ACL tear. It was just a second degree sprain with some mild bursitis - which is some inflammation of the fluid-filled sacs that cushion your joints. In this case, it's not terribly bad and shouldn't take too long to resolve. We also found that you were pretty dehydrated, so we're giving you some fluids now. Stay off your feet and keep a brace on while alternating ice and heat and you should be good to go back to skating in about two weeks. Come back when you think you're better and we'll take a look and see!" Even the good news did nothing to Oikawa's mood, this not the time to have to stay off his feet for two weeks… He needs to be perfecting , not sitting around, waiting for his body to heal… He should've stopped sooner … His trusted friend let out a heavy sigh, looking like a weight just fell off his shoulders.

" Thank you so much. I'll be sure to make him take it easy," There was an accusatory tone in his voice that Tooru pointedly ignored, watching out the window as small flakes fluttered in the air.

Not long after, Suga showed up, Akaashi taking him outside of the room to talk, Tooru only able to hear muffled voices from outside as he drifted off to sleep.

Koushi gave him a sad look as Akaashi finished telling him what had happened, putting a soft hand on Akaashi's shoulder. Having to worry about Oikawa's every step has seriously worn Akaashi out, feeling like he was going to be the next one to have a breakdown.

" Go home," The onyx haired man blinked in surprise at the warm smile being thrown his way after words like that .

" But-"

" No, go home , Keiji, get some rest. You've done plenty ! You're seriously starting to make me look bad as a manager! It's my job to be stressed out over you two! You don't need to shoulder everyone's problems yourself. If I have to look at you being half awake anymore, I'm going to lose it," It'll never make any sense to Akaashi how people say that he has calming presence when a person like Suga exists. His entire person just lights up with positive energy leaving everyone feeling refreshed and happy after seeing him. Suga is the nicest person Keiji's ever had the pleasure of meeting (Yet he can also be the scariest when the time calls for it...).

Akaashi felt his shoulders drop in defeat, the tiredness creeping in again, not having the will to argue staying here to watch over Oikawa. A break sounds… nice. He could use a full night's sleep for once. Suga pulled him in for a comforting hug, rubbing his back soothingly. Akaashi took a deep breath, the familiar scent Suga's light cologne putting him at ease.

" Thank you..." His voice came out quieter than he meant to, grateful to have someone he can trust like Suga around. He pulled away with a smile, the two men moving to go their different ways.

" Oh!" The exclamation made Akaashi look back in confusion, only growing even more confused at seeing the sly grin on Suga's face. " And please go see Bokuto again, I bet he could really use you right now after that last game," A slightly disturbed feeling crept up Akaashi's spine at his manager's words, not having told him that Bokuto's team had lost their last game. He had called his boyfriend when he found out, sure, but it wasn't the same as being there… Narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the pretty man, he let the question on his mind slip out cautiously.

" How did you…?" His wary tone caused Suga to let out a cheery laugh, looking especially youthful as he smiled mischievously, holding a finger up to his lips.

" Please, it's my job to keep track of you two! Of course I know about something like this! I've got eyes everywhere, afterall~. Good luck, Akaashi-san!" With that, he left the bewildered Akaashi out in the hall, feeling more unnerved than ever. Suga is able to get his hands on a lot of information… makes him wonder what all he knows…

Wasting no time at all, Keiji went straight for Bokuto's place, just wanting to fall back into his coiled arms and rest. They've had plenty of skype calls, but he really misses being embraced by everything Bokuto… If he had known they'd get so busy, he wouldn't have suggested the break. By the time it would've been okay to see each other again, they both were far too busy to meet up for any decent amount of time. Their 'break' was the last of their free time. Maybe he wouldn't be as wound up if he had Bokuto to confide in.

For whatever reason, there was a strange sense of… nervousness welling up in him at seeing the stocky man again. Butterflies were knocking around his stomach as he jogged up the stairs to his boyfriend's apartment. This isn't anything to be worried about. They've already gotten past the hard part of going out . This should be easy… Fuck, his face feels hot now… Akaashi had to take a moment to close his eyes, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. For the life of him, he couldn't stand still, the door before him more intimidating than he remembers. Just… press the button already! He's just Bokuto! A harmless dork who's laugh is contagious and who's not as level-headed as he'd have people think! His hand quickly reached out and pushed the doorbell before he could think better of it. In a flash his face flushed with heat, feeling like an idiot for getting for worked up. A surprisingly calm voice came through the intercom, setting Akaashi's hair on edge with how close he is.

" Hello?" He swallowed around his anxiety, biting his lip before hesitantly speaking up.

" It's m-" Akaashi couldn't even finish speaking before heavy footsteps drifted through the door in a mad dash to answer. He was at a loss of what to do when the door was yanked open violently, a frantic Bokuto appearing in front of him.

Again, he was cut off as his lips parted to speak, an intense force nearly knocking him into the opposite wall. Bokuto had lunged forward to hug him, his arms wrapping firmly around his smaller frame. Even though all the air was nearly knocked out of him, he couldn't have been happier to be crushed against his solid chest again.

" Agaahsiii! Ohmygosh! Urhgaha !" The built hockey player started blubbering, practically in tears as he pressed his face into Akaashi's raven hair, voice too loud in his ears. He returned the hug, taking the chance to run his hands along his boyfriend's back, smiling into his shoulder. Bokuto's body shook with sobs, his hands clutching at the back of Akaashi's shirt, only able to make out garbled versions of his name in his incoherent words.

" We should go inside instead of standing out in the hall," He murmured into his lover's ear, catching his dreamy sigh as he reluctantly pulled away.

As soon as they were inside, Bokuto wasted no time in pulling Akaashi to lay on top of him on the couch. Big, calloused hands gently cupped his face, pulling him in for a lingering kiss. He didn't know how much he needed that, letting out a content sigh against his mouth.

" I missed you," Came the low whisper that washed away any pent up stress he might've had, staring back into those warm amber eyes. Under his affectionate gaze, Keiji felt overwhelmed, feeling a blush spread across his face.

" I… missed you too," He's never been good at these little things like saying you've missed someone or whispering sweet nothings. Bokuto - however - isn't afraid to spout off embarrassing things left and right. Said man's smile morphed into a full blown grin as he leaned in to place soft kisses across his flushed face. Settling against his boyfriend, Akaashi let his fingers run through Bokuto's unruly hair. " I'm sorry about your game… I saw the replays," A little flicker of sadness flashed in the zerba haired man's eyes, quickly fading in favor of concern.

" It's no big deal or anything. They were a good team. What's more important is how you're doing? No offense - you look like you've been through some shit. What's up?" Ah, there it is, that brutal honesty that Akaashi truly does admire. There's not much that Bokuto won't say that comes to his mind. He knew he wouldn't be able to put it past his intuitive boyfriend - though he didn't really want to keep this to himself. He could use someone to talk and be comforted by for once. Keiji let out an exhausted sigh, resting his head against Bokuto's chest, calmed by his strong heartbeat.

" It's Tooru…" He started, it already feeling good to vent all his feelings to someone else. " He's been struggling with depression lately, but he won't open up to me or anyone else about it. Instead he'll punish his body and make me have to worry about what he's going to do next. I had to take him to the hospital because he messed his knee up and I just… I don't know what I'm supposed to do… I don't want to see him in so much pain, but at the same time I think I might go crazy myself," The words just wouldn't stop once he started, only encouraged by the soothing hand running through his hair. All the past worried thoughts he's had flowed out of him as he confessed everything to his patient boyfriend.

Bokuto hummed thoughtfully once Akaashi finished venting,warm fingers rubbing the nape of his neck in a way that was starting to put him to sleep. Akaashi didn't expect Bokuto to comment on anything, he just wanted someone to listen to his problems. This was more than enough for him to feel completely relieved.

" Why don't you just take some time away from him?" The advice startled Akaashi a little in how straightforward and simple the words were, pushing up to level his boyfriend with a confused stare. The hockey player merely shrugged, not looking like he was joking at all. " What good would it do either of you if you're stressed out and depressed along with him? Even professionals don't spend 24/7 with the person they're helping, you know? You deserve a break too so you can live your life. Yeah, you wanna be there for him, but it shouldn't be at the price of your own mental health. Let Suga take over for you so you can take some time for yourself. I doubt Oikawa wants to see you in the same place he's in, so just take a break sometimes," Akaashi's mouth dropped open, gaping in awe of the man before him. If he hadn't just been tackled with a loud voice sobbing in his ear, he might've assumed this wasn't Bokuto.

" That's… really good advice…?" The surprise and question in his voice gave away that he found it strange for him to make so much sense. Luckily Bokuto seemed more proud than offended by the remark, puffing up like a pleased owl.

" Sometimes I've got good ideas! They didn't make me an Alternate Captain for nothing!" He boasted, Keiji melting at his beaming smile, back to being his normal bubbly Bokuto self. Letting out a sigh, Akaashi left himself rest back against Bokuto's chest, feeling especially tired after clearing his conscience.

" I've missed you so much Koutarou…"

Being confined in one place was driving Tooru insane, his main source of comfort taken away from him along with his emotional crutches. Shortly after Akaashi had inserted himself into his penthouse he found Tooru's alcohol stash, promptly dumping it down the drain. He made a point of personally wemming him back off it, Tooru having to go to Akaashi directly to get a beer when he felt the urge. It's safe to say that it didn't take long for Oikawa to be off alcohol.

Cigarettes were a different matter altogether. He managed to hide it from his two watchful friends, grateful to have something that could help him cope privately. He was self-medicating. Of course he knew that it wasn't healthy to try and deal with things on your own completely, but it makes him feel better.

Which is why it's torturous to be laid up in his apartment, not able to do any heavy exercise, save for hobbling to the bathroom. Suga was watching over him so he didn't try and push himself too hard. Not being able to practice his routine was one thing, but not being able to smoke without being caught was making him crazy. Tooru had to sit on his hands to cover up the fact they were shaking, heart racing as his anxiety spiked once again. It took everything in him to control himself from lighting up just to get some relief.

His opportunity finally presented itself when Suga said he was going to go meet up with Akaashi (who had been over at Bokuto's for the last two days). Since Tooru had improved for the most part - ignoring the depression still very much gripping him - Suga felt comfortable enough to leave Tooru alone for an hour. As soon as he heard the door close, he clumsily got to his feet, struggling with the thicker brace around his leg for a moment. Slipping into his room, the injured man found his hidden pack and snuck out onto the attached balcony, inhaling the smoke happily. Already his headache felt better, no longer beating at the inside of his skull.

These next couple weeks were going to be terrible if he doesn't figure out how to sneak off to smoke more often...

He's not stupid. Keiji knew that Tooru was up to something that he needed to hide, but he didn't see any new cuts, so he wasn't immediately concerned for his life. For a while now he had his suspicions that Tooru might've been smoking, only faintly smelling it on him, not sure if it was from someone else or not. Yet when he walked in - refreshed from being curled up with his loving boyfriend - and didn't see his friend, he just knew . Something in him told him that he was going to find something he wasn't going to like.

Sharing a meaningful look with Suga, he set off for Tooru's bedroom, seeing the curtain blowing in the wind. Out of nowhere all his frustration exploded out of him, the last straw broken. It must've been pretty obvious, seeing as Suga reached out a hand to try and soothe him with a quiet whisper of his name. Jerking away from the older man, he stormed towards the door, yanking it open roughly, a crouched figure jumping at the intrusion. Akaashi watched as Oikawa's wide brown eyes met his, a cigarette sure enough between his long fingers. Guilt painted his features as he blew smoke out the side of his mouth, looking like a kid who was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

" Akaashi-" His body moved before he could control himself, Suga shouting behind him as he lashed out, his hand connecting harshly. In one swift motion the crisp sound of his hand connecting with Tooru's face echoed through the air. All three of them froze, stunned into silence for a moment. What guilt he had for slapping his best friend was overshadowed by a burning rage he hadn't felt in a long time. Tooru's cigarette was knocked out of his hand, sent over the edge to be put out by the snow.

" What are you doing ?" Keiji hissed out, voice shaking with anger, his eyes starting to burn with tears as Tooru's cheek started blooming red. " Why do you hate yourself so much?" That seemed to strike something within his friend, Oikawa's head tilting down as his shoulders trembled. Akaashi's breath was ragged, not knowing what to do with all this anger. On one hand, he felt so sad for Tooru, but he also was frustrated and tired of it all, he's been wanting to shake Tooru from day one. " Why do you have to go behind my back just to fuck yourself up?! You're an athlete Tooru! You're going to end up killing yourself at this rate!" He needs to get Tooru to wake up right now, he tried giving him time and that didn't work.

" Akaashi…" Suga tried putting his hand on his shoulder again, the tension growing thick between everyone. It's too late to back out now, he just needs to get everything out in the open and hopefully talk some sense into his stupid friend. Shrugging off the hand from his shoulder, Akaashi took a deep breath to try and hold himself together.

" You know that I think of you as family - even when you sometimes make me want to strangle you - so I can't just sit here and watch you destroy yourself, Tooru. I want you to talk to me! I know you're struggling and I want you to be able to let me help , but I can't do that when you push everyone away and refuse to acknowledge that you can't do this on your own. You feel guilty, but that doesn't mean you should take it out on yourself! What does this ," He snatched up the pack the laid forgotten on the railing, holding them up to prove his point. " help?! You have so many people who love and care for you, you have to see that. If you don't talk to me or Suga, please go talk to a therapist - anything but silently suffering!" At this point he saw tears starting to form in his friends eyes, his own vision starting to blur. This is something he should've done to begin with, had he known he could've prevented all this needless stress.

" When I first met you I thought that you were this unstoppable force, you were going to make it all the way to the top - and you still are ! But you don't have to go through that alone! I'm angry because I know this isn't you ! You're so strong, Tooru, you can get through this, I know it. I just wish you had as much faith in yourself as I do… Depression doesn't have to be a constant, you shouldn't settle for being depressed! Work on improving your mental health! I want my best friend to be happy and healthy!" His voice had definitely gotten wobbly, tears now rolling down the man's face before him, his hands clutching at the railing behind him. Taking a daring step forward, Keiji reached out to gently cup Tooru's face, turning it towards him, offering him an encouraging smile.

" Maybe you had to deal with everything alone before, but you're not alone anymore, we're here for you. Believe me, if you being a dick hasn't scared us away yet, we're in for the long haul," That little lighthearted joke at the end drew a sob/laugh from Tooru, fresh tears falling as he broke down completely, sliding down to the ground as he cried. Akaashi followed him down, pulling him in for a tight embrace, burying his face into fluffy brown locks, his own face suspiciously damp. Shaking hands grabbed at the back of his shirt, the skater freely hiccuping out his tears, weeks of pent up emotions flooding out at once.

" I-I'm so sorry Keiji…!" Akaashi winced at how sad his friend sounded, wondering just how much his friend was really dealing with without him knowing… He mumbled out a quiet 'it's okay', trying his best to be some sort of comfort for him.

" I just want the pain to go away…" That pathetic whisper into his ear broke Akaashi's heart, pressing his lips to Oikawa's temple as he rubbed his back soothingly. This is good… That's the first time since all this started that Tooru was honest with him. There's no way he can relate to what his friend is going through, but he's determined to get over this alongside him. In a weird way he's sort of grateful that Oikawa picked up smoking so he could get caught.

" It will, I promise. We'll be here for you," Behind him, he could hear Suga let out a deep sigh, probably having thought they were both going to come to blows and he was going to have two messes to deal with. Gradually the weeping sobs turned into soft sniffles, Oikawa's breathing less labored as he held him. " If I ever catch you smoking again, expect more than just a slap. I'll kick your ass," He murmured teasingly (somewhat), it at least getting a laugh from Oikawa, his shoulders shaking for a whole new reason, the atmosphere less gloomy now.

" I love you too, Aka-chan."

After coming clean to Akaashi about all the terrible thoughts in his head, and finally through the two weeks of recovery, Oikawa felt better enough to brave looking through some tags on social media. All of his fans were freaking out over his sudden change in concept, cleverly piecing two and two together and guessing it had something to do with him and Hajime. Seeing his fan's theories on what his routines mean and what's going on between him and Iwa were honestly fun to read. He'll never cease to be amazed at his fan's dedication. Though… that brings a whole nother issue he needs to resolve… Whether he likes it or not, it's only fair to give Hajime an answer as to if there could still be a 'them'. So many times he's thought about going back, only to contradict himself seconds later. After this next performance, he'll get in touch with Iwa and sit down with him. He can't back out now. He has two amazing people backing him up, he can do this…!

The next competition came a lot faster than he thought it would. Thankfully he had enough time to perfect a new routine, feeling his blood pumping nervously as he warmed up in the dressing room. Once again he found himself at the end of the order, the lead up before the final competition that could set you up to play in the olympics… The pressure was on to show results. Suga had given him his usual pep talk, easing some of his nerves before leaving him to gather his thoughts. Akaashi even popped in to make sure he was in a good mental place, promising to watch and support him in the family lounge.

Time disappeared quickly, Oikawa now finding himself on deck to perform, it not seeming like there was much time at all to gather himself. He and Suga sat on a bench, Oikawa's eyes closed as he drifted off into his Zone, needing all the focus he possesses in order to keep it together. The seer weight of the pressure to do well will never get any easier - whether it be his first time or his last, it always feels like he could throw up any moment. Yet, at the same time, he almost felt weirdly… calm?

There was no time to dwell on his strange feelings, the skater before him finally received their score. It was his turn. Suga patted him on the arm, wishing him good luck as he held his skate guards. Oikawa flashed a smile when he glided onto the ice, the support from his fans giving him a little more confidence. He had no idea what would be in store for him, a plan going into motion as he took his warm up laps around the rink.

Iwaizumi was anxious. The urge to vomit was hard to ignore, his hands disgustingly damp as he paced around the small room. He's never been very good at planning things, but with the added help of Akaashi and Kenma, he managed to pull off what he wanted to do. The worst part was not knowing if it'd even work in the end… All this could be for nothing and he'd be back at square one.

" You don't need to pace, it'll be fine," Came the soft voice behind the control panel, the large headphones on his head making him almost look like a child who snuck into the sound booth. They convinced the higher up's that doing this little plan would bring them a lot of publicity that would help everyone out. Kenma was nice enough to put Iwaizumi's restless mind at ease by personally taking control of the sound, making sure everything would go smoothly on this end. After thinking it over, Hajime realized he wasn't nearly as scared of it as he originally thought he would be, instead he's way more concerned with how Oikawa will respond to it. For all he knows he could find it annoying and they'll never get back together. Hajime would like to think he knows Oikawa well enough to know that won't be his reaction, but who knows…

To try and ease the worry coursing through him, he watched as Tooru took to the ice, as mesmerized by how confident he is on the ice as he was the first time. There's just something about the way he handles himself when he's out there that just draws you in. Needing any distraction, Iwaizumi took a free pair of headphones, listening to the broadcast along with Kenma and the other sound crew.

It started off pretty slow, the singer's light, raspy voice starting up, Tooru moving to lazily skate around the rink after a beat. He skated on the sides of his skates as he glided across, facing the audience before doing a quick little spin. Oikawa's feet moved languidly in time with the music, crossing over each other occasionally, never hitting each other somehow. From what he remembers, this is his footwork?

Just as the beat dropped, Tooru dug his skate in to do a single flip, the tone of the music changing at the same time. His once slow, calm footwork now livened up a bit before he dug in for yet another single flip that he turned into a combo. It was hard for Iwa to keep with with the technicality of everything, still being a novice on everything figure skating. What he does know is that Oikawa's body seemed like it became one with the music. Maybe it's just the fact he's not the most 'rhythmically blessed' person around - barely able to dance without fucking something up, only being halfway decent with Tooru's teaching - that made how in sync he was impressive.

His arms started moving as the singer spoke back up again, it turning into straight up dancing for a moment, Oikawa certainly having a talent for entertaining. Vaguely he was able to pick up on the sad tone of the song, watching as Tooru conveyed that same resignation perfectly. Watching him skate is really something, Iwaizumi not sure how Oikawa can manage to be entertaining to someone like himself who couldn't give less of a shit about all of this. Tooru gathered up some speed, kicking off with his skate, twisting in the air to pull of a double axel before flipping around and jumping back into the air to add on a loop and triple flip (according to the announcers in his ear, to him it just looked like a lot of difficult spinning in the air).

The weirdly playful beat to such a sad song picked up again, Oikawa doing some more difficult footwork, doing more jumps and spins that Iwaizumi could just barely wrap his head around. He couldn't stay and watch all of it, needing to get ready for his big plan. He couldn't help but feel like the sadness in his routine seemed a little more… personal rather than just it being for the song...

Right before the end of the routine, Hajime made his way down to the side of the rink, watching breathlessly as his former-boyfriend flawlessly finished the routine, striking a pose in time with the music. From this distance, it was obvious that Tooru was out of breath, exerting himself to make sure that he nailed each move like he wanted to. Thankfully he didn't spot Hajime as he skated off the ice, heading towards the kiss and cry to get his score. Iwa tried willing his heart to stop hammering away in his chest, tightening his grip on the mic in his hands.

Well… Guess it's too late to go back now (not that he really wanted to). He pulled off the guards from his skates he strapped on earlier, skating nervously out into the center of the rink, a din rising in the crowd in confusion at seeing him of all people here. Biting his bottom lip, Hajime watched his face appear on the big screen, being broadcast to who knows how many people. It was a bit of deja vu, really. Taking a deep breath, he felt his nerves melt away into confidence, just needing to say what's on his mind. This should be easy. Just talk like you're only speaking to him and him alone.

Oikawa had his head down, not especially interested in his score, more focused on what he promised himself that he'd do after this. What would he even say…? What comes next after this? While he was lost in his thoughts, a familiar voice grabbed his attention, his heart stuttering out of time. There's… no way… Oh so slowly his eyes raised to look at where the scores are usually projected, sure enough seeing that handsome face. What…?!

" Uhm, hello. I know this probably isn't what you're all looking for, but I'd appreciate it if I could use this to get a message across to someone very important. He's pretty hard-headed, so it's not easy to get him to listen to me, but I figured this is pretty hard to miss. My name is Iwaizumi Hajime, I'm the captain of the Aoba Johsai hockey team. I hope you'll hear me out for a minute, Tooru," It was pretty clear that the man wasn't used to public speaking on this level, used to letting his actions speak for him. It wasn't hard to figure out what exactly he was doing, Oikawa not sure if he wanted to cry or feel embarrassed. His eyes shifted from looking at the scoreboard to looking directly at the man in question, shocked beyond belief. His words came back to the skater in that moment; 'I'll change your heart and fix this…' .

" I wish that I had handled everything that night differently. I guess I was just so overwhelmed by everything that my fear just took over. It felt too fast at the time, I wasn't mentally prepared. But I do care - more than you could ever know - and because of that I can't just walk away. Yeah, I'm not naive enough to think I can just wave a magic wand and everything will go back to normal - all I want is another chance," Tooru felt his composure steadily leave his grasp, guilt making tears burn at his eyes as he got up, heading over to the side of the rink to get a better look at him. Never could he have imagined that he'd do something like this …!

" I just wanna talk and have you listen to me and think about it. I'm serious about this. Obviously I'm not going to say everything I want to say in front of everyone, but I think you know deep down what I'm gonna say regardless. I've had time to prepare myself and have come to the conclusion that I'm not afraid of what's ahead of me so long as you're there along with me. I trust you completely," His vision was growing teary, feeling his face flush at seeing that pretty smile gracing those lips once again. The heart inside his ribcage was beating wildly, not sure if he was ready to hear what he's afraid the hockey player will say. Hajime's voice turned a little uneven as he continued speaking.

" I have something that I want to set straight," Oikawa is starting to wonder if Iwaizumi knows how easily he can fuck him up, Oikawa biting his lip to keep from breaking down completely. " I love Oikawa Tooru. I love you so much that I can't stand it… And I don't care what anyone thinks about it, because I know that it's right. I love you, Tooru, please let me fix this…" You could hear Iwa's shaky breath through the mic as he spoke, starting to make himself emotional, the crowd gasping in surprise. Tooru broke at hearing those words that he had been avoiding, having known it would've been all over for him if he heard Iwa say it. Thick tears streamed down his face as he choked on his sob, feeling his heart flutter hopelessly at that crooked smile. Damn it, why does he have to do this to him?!

Unable to hold back anymore, Tooru didn't fight his urge to scramble onto the ice, pushing off to hurry to join Hajime in the middle. He couldn't help himself when he got within a couple feet of him, Hajime having put down the mic with a smile. He tearfully reached out, gently grabbing Hajime's face before capturing his lips for a long awaited kiss. It felt too good to be real to be kissing his boyfriend again, having his arms wrapped securely around his waist as he kissed him back. The kiss was wet from the tears running down his face, but that didn't stop it from being amazing after all those guilt ridden, sleepless nights. It all made him terrified that it was some sick joke that his mind was playing on him and he'd wake up any moment now and this would all go away. Pulling away, Oikawa searched Iwa's stunning hazel eyes for any sign that this was real, the surge of remorse knocking the air out of him.

" I'm sorry…" He breathed out, hiccupping around the regret lodged in his throat. " I'm so so sorry…! I'm so…-" Was all he could manage before falling into another fit of tears, desperately clinging to Hajime as he slid down to the ice. Garbled cries of 'sorry' kept falling from his lips as Hajime pulled him close, his face now buried into Iwa's sturdy shoulder. Lips pressed against his ear, his low voice whispering reassuring words while he ran his hand through Tooru's mess of brown locks.

" It's okay Tooru, it's okay now," He kept shaking his head, not feeling like he was worthy of forgiveness. He should've been the one to seek Hajime out to apologize. All this was his fault…! Hajime's here, making a grand statement of love in front of a massive audience, while he couldn't even gather the courage to send him a fucking text out of shame! Calloused hands coaxed Tooru to pull away from his shoulder, meeting him for a tender kiss, thumbs wiping away his tears. God, he loves him so much… it's just not fair… !

Tooru only remembered the audience when cheers started erupting, everyone clearly invested in this relationship that they had no knowledge of. A hot wash of embarrassment flushed over him at realizing they all heard Hajime proclaim his love and saw him break down into ugly tears. He might've been the one to kiss Iwa publically the first time, but he didn't embarrassingly tell everyone how much he adored him. Guess that all those tabloids finally have their answer to 'Iwaoi' now. He took to hiding his tear stained face in his… 'ex-ex-boyfriend's' shoulder, letting Iwa lead them off the rink, a protective arm around his shaking body.

It was hard to find the will to care about what score he got after all that excitement, the crowd restless and no doubt gossiping feverishly. For what it's worth, he managed to snag first place, reluctantly having to leave Hajime's side to receive his award. The people running the competition were desperately trying to pull the show back on track despite most people losing interest in the real reason they were all there. The reporters were practically trying to step over each other in order to be the first one to ask them questions, security having their work cut out for them.

All through getting back in normal clothes and having to be rushed off to the car that was waiting for him, Oikawa struggled to think of what to say to Iwaizumi now… He hadn't had time to get his thoughts in order, and now he's sitting in the back of a car with him, at a loss for words.

" Come home with me." Left him before he could even think of it, surprisingly both himself and Hajime. He'd tried so hard to keep Iwa away before, scared of what deeper meaning it might hold - it now feeling like it was the only right thing to do.

Being in his apartment with Hajime felt… strange. He wasn't sure how to act around Hajime anymore, the awkwardness that they had at the start of their relationship was back. There are very few times in his life that Oikawa couldn't find the right words, but sitting here on his couch, next to Iwa was probably the worst. Self-doubt crept back in, taking ahold of him as he played nervously with his fingers.

" I just-...How can you forgive me so easily…? After everything, I thought you'd hate me - I wanted you to hate me-"

" Who said I completely forgave you?" Oikawa's head shot up to meet Hajime's soft smile, his head tilted to the side cutely. For the third time that night, Tooru's mouth could only move wordlessly, trying to process everything. " Sure, I get why you got upset, but it still hurts. That doesn't mean I'll never forgive you or anything, I just need some time to get over it. That also doesn't mean that I can't still love you just because you made a mistake. You're not a bad guy, Oikawa, even if you don't know that, I do. You didn't do it to try and hurt me, you assumed I was ready and I wasn't. We're both idiots who should've done things better," It sounded so simple coming from him, all the past fears that he had seeming silly compared to the conclusion Hajime reached. Oikawa should've known that Hajime would be so unbelievably understanding and mature about this. If he thought he was an asshole before for running away from Iwaizumi, now he just looked like a bratty child who was lashing out in a temper tantrum. If he had any tears left to cry, Tooru would've been balling all over again, not able to grasp out someone so wonderful could be in love with him .

" I don't deserve-" Oikawa took a shuddering breath only to be abruptly cut off by two hands roughly grabbing his face. The look that Hajime gave him left no room for arguing, Oikawa swallowing the rest of his words.

" Shut the fuck up ! Don't say shit like that! You do deserve the world! You're such an amazing person, but you're so fucking stupid sometimes ! I just knew you were thinking stupid shit like 'I should find someone 'better' than you because you're not good enough for me'. Listen to me, Shittykawa, I'm still around because I love you , okay? This isn't 'pity' or whatever your dumbass thought up for why I stayed with you, I fell in love with the dork who takes alien movies seriously and drools on my arm in his sleep," His frown slowly softened the more he spoke, becoming the stupid smile that always manages to make Oikawa weak.

" You're so embarrassing…" Tooru mumbled out, feeling his face grow red while he rubbed at his tired eyes, exhausted from all the drama that happened in such a short period of time. All he wants is to sleep for five years now… Without warning a hand grabbed his wrist, pulling it away from his face. Before he could even ask why he was being grabbed, sorrow slapped him across the face again. Iwa was gingerly turning over his wrist, wide eyes looking over the pink scar marrying his skin. It's not hard to figure out what it was from, Iwa no exception. His mouth opened to explain why , but he didn't have the strength to speak up when Iwa was looking at it like that. It was as if Hajime was the one who was injured, his eyes quickly growing watery. Oikawa could only duck his head in shame, trembling when he felt soft lips press against the inside of his wrist. Leave it to him to do as many stupid things as he can think of…Goosebumps threatened to appear when his breath ghosted over his sensitive skin, the sound heartbreaking.

" We're going to get through this together, okay?" Oikawa swallowed around the knot in his throat, his voice coming out more strained than he intended for it to.

" Okay…"

Iwaizumi pulled him in for a hug, Oikawa allowing himself to indulge in it, incredibly happy to finally be in his arms again. This is a step in the right direction. The brunette buried his face into Iwa's neck, relaxing into the familiar, comforting smell of his boyfriend. Embracing him is way better than trying to find comfort in a hoodie that barely smells like him anymore.

" You went and fucked your knee up again, didn't you?" Came the calm murmur into his ear, Oikawa taken aback by it. He forgot all about it, the adrenaline keeping him from feeling the soreness that'll no doubt settle in tomorrow. Now that he's thinking about it, he can feel a dull throb in his leg, not nearly as bad as it was before, but still not the best feeling.

" How'd you know…?" He hesitantly asked, mildly impressed that he'd notice something like that so quickly.

" You limped off the rink in France so I figured you were pushing yourself too hard," The image of a stubbed covered Iwaizumi popped into his head at the mention of France, glad that he didn't keep the beard.

" I'm fine now, I healed up after Suga and Aka-chan made me sit here and do nothing," Iwa hummed thoughtfully at that, rubbing his back in a way that had Oikawa nearly falling asleep. They fell into companionable silence, just listening to each other breathe calmly. Maybe they're unsure of how to act around each other anymore, but right now that doesn't matter. Right now they have each other and all that drama is over and they can relax.

Oikawa was a little bit nervous to bring Iwaizumi into his room, most of his posters still ripped off, laying sadly in a pile. His room has definitely seen better days… It was quiet while they got ready for bed, both of them drained, wanting some rest for once. Hajime picked up one of the plushies given to him by a fan, holding it up and rolling his eyes. He didn't need to say ' I knew you'd have shit like this around your room', his crooked smile said enough for him. Stamping down the embarrassment, Tooru snatched the alien plushie back, putting it on his nightstand, pouting at Hajime. Once everything gets better between them and he fixes his room, he's not looking forward to the endless teasing that'll come his way.

Being embraced by his boyfriend and getting to listen to his heartbeat seemed to calm his troubled mind, his eyes growing heavy immediately. It feels like it's been years since he fell asleep wrapped up in Hajime… Nuzzling into his chest even more, Oikawa fought sleep, soothed even more by the fingers dancing along his back.

" I love you…" Came his soft murmur, succumbing to the call of slumber, not worried about having another nightmare tonight. Just before he was completely out, he heard a soft voice, full of fondness, whisper back to him.

" I love you too, idiot."

Consciousness slowly came back to him bit by bit, his limbs weighed down from sleep. His entire head felt fuzzy, the drowsiness clinging on tightly when he tried to will himself awake. Sure, he said he wanted to sleep for five years, but he didn't know he was going to experience it all in one night! Is this what getting a full night's rest is like? Tooru rolled over onto his back, stretching out his limbs with a satisfying yawn, feeling that Iwa must've put his brace on his leg in his sleep. His body was ready to just roll back over and sleep for another hour when his stomach lurched. Iwa…! He immediately groped around the space next to him, not having realized he shouldn't have been able to stretch out so easily. Fear trickled down his back, freezing his insides as he sat up in a panic. Tooru rubbed his eyes aggressively, trying to get his eyes to stop being so blurry. His fears were realized when he finished blinking away the sleep from his eyes, greeted with the nauseating sight of an empty bed. Those cruel, cruel thoughts returned full force, whispering that Iwa must've had a change of heart and left in the middle of the night. He didn't mean it when he told him that he loved him, that must've been a lie. Everything's a lie !

Ripping the sheets off, Tooru staggered out of bed, fumbling to grab his glasses as he went. His heart was pounding in his ears as he rushed around his apartment, looking into the kitchen and the living room in a blind panic. Tooru really didn't want to go to the entryway, terrified of what he'd find, not wanting it to have really been some fantasy he had made up. But he had to know. He… He had to make sure …! His breathing had become erratic, hands shaking as he leaned around the corner to look, feeling sick to his stomach.

Oikawa collapsed to the ground, a cold sweat running down his neck, wanting to cry at seeing a worn pair of boots resting comfortably next to his own. He's here… it wasn't a dream...Everything's… fine . He put his head into his hands as he tried to calm the anxiety coursing through his veins, wishing that he didn't have to ruin such a good morning with his baseless fears. It was a struggle to get back to his feet, shakily making his way back down the hall, still needing to know where Iwa went. In his mad dash out of his room, he completely missed the light coming from under the bathroom door, the gentle sound of water giving away the fact it was a shower. Oikawa cautiously pushed open the door, all the tension leaving his shoulders at seeing that same recognizable, built figure behind the glass. He had to hold himself up as a sigh of relief shuddered out of him, not exactly wanting to wake up with a shot of fear laced adrenaline.

Without wasting any time, Oikawa pulled his boxers and glasses off, slipping into the bathroom silently. Hajime jumped when he pulled open the shower door, stepping in without a word. It wasn't hard to see how confused he was at the sudden extra body joining him, Oikawa ignoring the look to just cling onto his back. The cold water didn't even bother him as he pressed against his lover, needing to reassure himself that Hajime is real and is right here. He's not alone. Iwa's body stiffened up at the unexpected contact, thoroughly confused why he was latched onto him like this. Before he could open his mouth to question him, Oikawa's breath blew over his slick back.

" … Please… don't disappear…" He whispered out, tightening his grip around his waist as if that'd keep him around longer. Everything must've clicked together for Hajime, seeing as his shoulders relaxed, a hand coming up to cover his.

" I told you that I wasn't going anywhere," Iwaizumi's tone was patient and soft, his fingers rubbing the back of Oikawa's hands as they stood under the water. His formerly brunette hair was soaked by now, his dark bangs hanging in his eyes.

" I know… I'm just… scared," Being around Hajime doesn't make his depression disappear, but fuck if it doesn't help a little… At least it makes him less anxious, and at this point, he'll take what he can get. Iwa turned around in his hold, grabbing the shampoo to lather up his hair, Oikawa appreciating the rough fingers against his scalp.

" You should dye your hair back. You look better as a brunette," Iwaizumi off-handedly commented, shifting them so Oikawa was under the water, rinsing the soap out of his black hair. Quirking a smirk, Oikawa opened one eye to look down at Hajime, feeling the fear dim even further.

" And you should keep shaving, you look better without a beard," He returned, watching as Hajime let out a surprised laugh, dimples showing as he smiled at him, pretending to look offended. In retaliation, he lightly jabbed at Tooru's side with a huff.

" You're such a fucking brat,"

They spent the rest of the day just, talking about any little thing that came to mind. It was like they were trying to figure out where exactly they left off, familiarizing each other again. This was certainly different from getting back together with his past flings. Before if they broke up and the other person wanted to get back together, they'd just fuck to make up. Looking at it now, it seems so… cold? Those relationships were so surface level, nothing to them past a sexual attraction. He's embarrassed that he can't even say what one of them enjoyed to do in their free time, or any members of their family that he met. The only things he remembers is what they liked in bed… Kinda depressing, really. Lounging around with Iwaizumi, just talking about movies that looked interesting or things they saw on social media felt odd in comparison. Yet it made him feel so much better. Hajime is a person to him, not just someone who he can go get sexual fulfilment from. It never seemed like his previous partners really cared when he talked, but with Hajime, he feels like he's being listened to . Spending time with him is enjoyable instead of exhausting. It makes him forget that there was a time he sat alone.

" We should go hang out with the guys tomorrow," Oikawa froze against Iwaizumi's shoulder, knowing all too well who 'the guys' are, getting a flash of Kuroo's furious sneer. He swallowed thickly, not sure he's too keen on being surrounded by a group of guys who promised to eviscerate him. " Kyou's gonna be around after going to spend time with Yahaba, and Kuroo and Bo were gonna be around too. Since we're in off-season we try and meet up regularly," Hajime didn't seem to catch the shift in Oikawa's mood, rambling off on what his teammates are up to, not seeing the issue for some reason.

" Um, I'm not sure that's the best thing to do… I don't think they want to see me ," He pointed out, getting a confused frown from Iwaizumi before he got waved off.

" It'll be fine. They're not angry anymore," Oikawa highly doubts that, if his last interaction with them was any indication. He can't blame them for being angry either, he was angry at himself. The hesitation he felt must've shown on his face because Iwaizumi rolled his eyes with a sigh. " They won't do anything. Have a little faith. If they do try anything, I'll be there. I've told them to cool their heads, but if it makes you feel better, I'll give them a heads up," It honestly didn't make him feel any better about the situation, but for Iwa, he could at least try. He still doesn't see this going over well...

Tooru didn't feel any more optimistic about meeting up with the team than he did yesterday. It just seemed like a mistake. What is he supposed to do - walk up to them and say 'Hey, remember when you threatened to punch me in the face because I made your captain cry?! Boy, we've had some good times!'? It all just screams 'asking to be beaten' to Tooru. Hajime kept insisting that he was "overthinking it" but his fears are well founded.

They were at a more secluded spot for lunch, the media itching to catch them and barrage them with questions about their relationship. Tooru felt extremely nervous when he got out of the car, rubbing at his arm while he stared at the door in front of them. It's just Iwaizumi's friends… He said they weren't as angry anymore. The worst that can happen is he gets punched… Which is pretty bad… A strong hand intertwined with his, giving it a comforting squeeze, drawing Oikawa's attention to his boyfriend. A captivating smile made Oikawa's heart leap into his throat, forgetting how easily Iwaizumi can make him melt.

" Relax , it's gonna be fine! It's just lunch," Iwa reminded him, calming him down a little, Oikawa trying his best to put on a brave face. With that, they stepped into the entrance to the restaurant, immediately greeted by five serious faces, Oikawa going pale. Well then, that's… even less comfortable than he expected. The little entrance spot wasn't made to fit seven grown men, the atmosphere quickly growing claustrophobic. " Oh, I thought you guys would've gotten a table already," Hajime greeted indifferently, not seeming affected by the tense air around them, Tooru's grip on his hand growing tighter. There wasn't a safe place to put his eyes, every face he looked at completely closed off - save for maybe Bokuto, but even he seemed less bubbly than usual.

" We decided to wait for you guys," Mattsun answered lazily, his eyes drifting from Iwa and back to Oikawa, no hint of a joke in his voice like before. It finally hit Hajime that things weren't as 'okay' as he made them sound, looking between his friends and his boyfriend in worry. Everyone was waiting for someone else to speak up and address the unspoken topic hanging heavily between them. In the end it was Kuroo who shifted first, tilting his head back to look down his nose at Tooru. Said skater braced himself for the worst, not at all surprised if he catches a fist.

" You look like shit," Oikawa blinked owlishly, his mind slow to catch up, having been so worried about physical violence. Indignation raised in his throat, narrowing his eyes at the black haired man, holding his tongue. With a roll of his shoulders, Kuroo turned to face the door, his tone dropping back to his neutral tone as he pushed open the door. " Well, let's go eat, I'm fucking starving," The rest of the team also seemed to shake off the previous anger (save for Kyoutani, but he always glared at Oikawa, so he didn't expect that to change any time soon) before following Kuroo's lead. That took Tooru aback more than anything, having thought he was going to have to dodge punches when he saw them, not get a passing comment and have things continue as normal. Iwaizumi took this as a good thing, pulling a shocked Oikawa along as they sat down at a large table.

" Aren't you still upset with me?" He didn't mean to blurt it out, but his curiosity got the best of him, Makki snorting as he looking over his menu at Oikawa.

" Did you want us to be mad at you?" He asked in a teasing voice, the previous cold stare now back to normal.

" If Wazzy wasn't here and wouldn't hate me for it later, I'd probably punch you, just for the satisfaction of it. You're just lucky that he's whipped for you," Kuroo grumbled, hissing when Iwa kicked his shin from under the table.

" Both Akaashi and Wazzy love you, so I don't think you're that bad!" Bokuto chirped, flashing him a grin with a shrug, tipping back in his chair.

" Everyone's blue balls have been a serious downer, I'm just glad I don't have to feel bad about fucking in the showers anymore," Mattsun drawled, scratching the side of his head casually. Iwaizumi paused in reading his menu, slowly looking over to his teammate with a vicious glare.

" You WHAT- ?!"

" Oh look! The waitress is coming over!" Makki said quickly to cut off the furious Iwaizumi, still smirking mischievously, not looking the least bit apologetic. Things settled down after that, the table falling into normal conversation, not showing any signs that there had been a serious problem. Little by little Tooru allowed himself to relax, his arm still brushing Hajime's to comfort himself all the same. He definitely didn't expect that he'd get to stay for lunch, but he's grateful that they'd be so inviting after everything.

" Zumi's trying to show all of us up though, making all these headlines," Hanamaki started up, waggling his eyebrows at Hajime, taking a slow sip of his drink. Said captain only tilted his head at that, having to swallow around his food before he could ask what he meant by that. " Come on now - you make this big lovey dovey speech and you think the new won't eat that shit up? You're fucking casanova now," He pointed out, causing Iwa to flush red at being reminded of it, even though it just happened. Oikawa listened on in interest, not having bothered to check his social media for how that was received.

" They… made a big deal out of that…?" Iwa quietly asked, more to himself than anyone else, getting a round of laughter to spark in the friend group.

" Y-You fucking kidding me?! It's all over!" Kuroo laughed, pulling his phone out, quickly typing up something before holding it out for everyone to see. Two women newscasters appeared on screen, a picture of a teary-eyed Iwaizumi speaking into a mic appearing in the corner.

" Just earlier tonight the skating world has made waves with the emotional confession from the captain of the Aoba Johsai hockey team. The hockey captain suddenly appeared on the ice at the end of the competition with some very touching words for a ice skating champion;" A recording of the performance took over the screen, the uproar from the crowd more noticeable than it was in the moment, Iwaizumi's distorted voice coming through.

" I have something that I want to set straight; I love Oikawa Tooru. I love you so much that I can't stand it… And I don't care what anyone thinks about it, because I know that it's right. I love you, Tooru, please let me fix this…" Hajime in the present blushed even more, his expression settling on horrified at seeing and hearing how emotional he got, his hands both going to his hair to tug at it. Oikawa's sobbing face flashed on screen, it his turn to feel embarrassed, wishing that the public didn't have to find out how ugly of a crier he is. The newscasters appeared back on screen, the picture in the corner now changing to Iwa and Oikawa sharing their tearful kiss.

" Many people have called the moment inspiring - two famous men coming out publicly for the sake of their love, confident in each other. This may encourage other closeted famous figures to come out as well."

" I know that I wish my husband would say something so romantic to me!"

" Ahaha, exactly!"

Iwaizumi covered his head with his arms, his face burning as he let out a strangled noise. His suffering only seemed to bring joy to his team, all of the laughing and poking at him, chants of 'I love you so much' going around the table.

" Ooohh I wish someone would be so romantic for meee! I want Iwaizumi to be my sensitive lover!" Kuroo joked, putting his hand against his chest as he swooned dramatically, fanning himself, the rest of the guys joining him in cooing at their captain. Oikawa could only watch on, half amused, half embarrassed right along with Hajime.

" That's it, I'm moving to a new country," He groaned into his arms, mortified beyond belief. The tips of his ears were a brilliant red, the guys laughing themselves silly. Feeling mean, Oikawa smirked to himself, leaning down to Hajime's ear, his fingers rubbing the nape of his boyfriend's flushed neck.

" I certainly love when Iwa-chan gets all romantic~ it's so attractive~," His voice was a low purr so only Hajime could hear, Oikawa not missing his breath catching. Iwa shot back, the color on his face only getting darker as he gave him a glare, swatting him away.

" F-Fuck off!" Tooru laughed for the first time in a while - really laughed, feeling the slightest bit normal again. As he attempted to stifle his laughs, Tooru caught a smile, affectionate smile gracing Iwa's lips.

Tooru didn't have any time to prepare himself for the sudden weight that came crashing into his back, two dainty arms wrapping around his chest. It didn't take long to figure out who it was, a small, wobbily voice speaking up.

" It's g-good to h-have you back, Oikawa-san…!" Hiroko's voice was clear as day, Oikawa's heart melting at being around the cute small girl again. It'd been so long since he last got to see her. Iwaizumi snapped out of his flustered moment, his protective big brother instincts kicking in again at seeing his little sister.

" Hiro? What are you doing here?" Hajime asked, welcoming the hug she offered him when she finally let go of Oikawa.

" I… tried telling her that we didn't need to check up on you guys, but she wouldn't shut up about it…" Came a quiet, sullen voice from behind them, Takeru walking up with his hands in his pockets, trying to look casual, the effect ruined by the blush on his face. He refused to meet their eyes, his shyness showing itself full force. Oikawa knows that Takeru was definitely worried about them, he wouldn't be surprised if he was the one who suggested they stop by. Tooru gave his nephew a knowing smile, watching him duck his head in embarrassment. The two teens were happily greeted by the team, everyone turning their teasing of Iwa onto them instead. Hajime put an arm around Tooru's shoulder, pulling him against his side, both of them sharing a content smile, indulging in their private moment together.

What time they had together was short lived, Oikawa needing to focus all his energy on this last competition. It was time for the National Skating Championship, which meant the best of the best would be in it, along with a face that he had no desire to see again… Still, Oikawa was grateful for the support, going home to Iwa's loving embrace was certainly helpful. He also had both Suga and Akaashi there alongside him, keeping him from pushing himself too hard again. Poor Suga had his work cut out for him, having to keep the press at bay even more so lately with all of them wanting to talk to him about Iwaizumi.

Like before, it felt like the time he had to prepare was shorter than usual, the competition looming over him. Ever since he got into ice skating, he hadn't won once, the mountain before him impossible to climb. It was lucky that he wasn't in his same prefecture, otherwise he probably wouldn't have even made it this far. It's hard for him to admit but it all comes down to talent, and he's extremely gifted… And it pisses him off to no end. He fucking hates geniuses that are born with the talent to do great things when people like him have to bust their asses for it. Geniuses who are arrogant about it make him want to commit murder. It's only a matter of time before he has to face him, it happens every year.

Two hands rested on his shoulders, thumbs working soothing circles into his tense muscles. If he wasn't careful, he probably would've let out a moan. Tooru tilted his head back, looking up at the man he knew he'd find there. Hajime threw him a crooked smile, continuing his massaging.

" What's up with you looking so pissed off about?" He curiously asked earning himself an exasperated groan. It made Tooru angry just talking about him. He doesn't need even more to be pissed off about.

" You'll see," Tooru sighed, wishing that he could just sit here and let Hajime rub away the irritation from his muscles, but he needs to get ready. His answer didn't seem to satisfy his boyfriend, only getting his narrowed eyes as he stood up. He hadn't left his dressing room yet, knowing damn well that being outside was only asking to be approached. If not by him , than by some other rookie skater who wants to kiss his ass to get in his good graces.

The two slipped out, Oikawa dragging Iwa along in his rush to get back to Sugawara, hoping that if he just kept his head down, maybe he could avoid-

" Hello, Oikawa-san," Tooru wanted to whip around and punch that offending mouth to silence the annoyingly low voice coming from it. Sometimes he swears that he just stands around waiting for him to appear so he can pounce on him. A soft murmur of 'here we go' slipped out before he could stop it, Hajime not sure what the hell was going on. Oikawa had to swallow the groan that wanted to come out, schooling his features into an incredibly fake smile before turning around to face him. Ignoring him doesn't work. He's tried. Many times… So many times .

" It's great to see you again, Ushiwaka!" He gritted out, his blatant hostility either overlooked or unnoticed by the stoic man. Iwaizumi looked thrown at seeing the hulking man in front of them, even taller than Oikawa is. Ushijima doesn't look anything like your typical skater, he's built like a brick wall and looks like he'd be more at home fighting someone than expressing himself in the rink. Everything about him irritates Tooru, from his voice, that dumb look he always has on his face to how mocking him never works because he's a fucking cyborg . He's proud of himself for not having tried strangling him in all his condescending confidence. Like always, the flawless man grunted noncommittally, missing the rage that was pouring off the other skater.

" Likewise. I'm glad to see that you've decided to stop playing around with amatures who won't go further in their career," The blunt comment directly targeted Iwaizumi without care that he was right there, said man bristling at the sudden attack on his person. " Honestly, you should partner up with someone who has a history of figure skating who can actually take you to the Olympics. It'd be a shame for someone of your ability to get stuck here just because you can't beat me," Hajime only grew increasingly outraged at Ushijima's cold tone, never having heard someone with as little tact as him. Just as Iwaizumi opened his mouth to let the skater know how pissed off he was, Oikawa placed a hand calmly on his arm. Hajime's mouth snapped shut, shocked into silence at glancing over to his boyfriend. This quiet rage was new to him, Tooru absolutely fuming as he smiled at the other man.

" I'm never going to partner up with you, Ushiwaka , you're smart enough to realize that. I've told you that so many times before, my mind is never going to change. What I will do is beat you into the ground!" Oikawa hissed out, trying attempting to look 'friendly' encase someone saw them, even though the disdain he has is obvious. Despite the very clear threat, Ushijima only nodded politely.

" I can't wait to see your attempt, I'm sure it'll be enjoyable to watch," With that, the man disappeared as quickly as he had arrived, Iwaizumi looking like he was in a daze.

" What… the fuck just happened?! Who was that guy?!" Oikawa let out a deep sigh, trying to coax his blood pressure back down, his mouth not even open to answer him before another voice interrupted them.

" Oikawa-san!" This time around, he did groan in sheer misery, wondering if this was all one big punishment for being an idiot. Karma is coming for him, testing him to see if maybe this will make him snap. Why else would he be harrassed by the two people he dislikes most? They both turned to face a lanky younger man, who also was incredibly tall and pretty fit. Iwaizumi was a lot less startled by this guy, his boyish face and wide, blue eyes more welcoming. His somewhat long black hair fluttered as he dipped for an overly polite bow, Tooru looking like he could happily spit on him. " I came to watch you skate in person today since I have a free day. I'll be rooting for you!" Oikawa sneered at that, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly, huffing haughtily at the younger boy.

" I don't need your support, stupid Tobio-chan! Obviously I'll win!" This kid turned his attention from the petulant skate to Iwa, dropping into yet another bow that had Hajime feeling awkward. He reminded him of one of those desk toy birds that just keep dipping into the water.

" I'm Kageyama Tobio, it's nice to meet you, Iwaizumi-san. I've heard about your team, you seem like a great captain," The sincerity of Kageyama was written all over his face, definitely giving off the vibe of a good kid who's just a little socially awkward. Iwa offered him a warm smile in return, not seeing the need to be as hostile as Oikawa was being.

" Thank you, I appreciate it," His blue eyes lit up at the praise, almost seeming somewhat surprised that Iwa was nice to him. Sure the kid is a little too stiff, but that's no reason to hate him. Before Kageyama could say anything else, Oikawa grabbed Hajime's arm, turning to set off in another direction.

" Thanks for your support, I guess. I'm busy right now," Oikawa grumbled out, dragging Hajime through the hall once again, leaving the tall kid standing there awkwardly. It all was so weird, it's no wonder Iwaizumi has no idea how figure skating works. None of them make any sense.

While they were waiting, Oikawa explained everything about his past with the two men they ran into, Iwaizumi finally understanding what just happened. There was still plenty of time for Tooru to get stressed after explaining his past, having to fight such wonderful skaters for a place on the podium. The closer it got to his turn, the more restless Tooru got, trying to find his zone already.

" It's gonna be alright," Oikawa was nearly startled by Hajime's voice, looking over to his boyfriend's adoring smile. " Suga, Akaashi and I will all be here to support you, so just do your best out there, no matter what happens, we'll all be proud of you," Oikawa quietly nodded his head, repeating those words over and over in his head, trying to get his nerves to at least calm down. All he can do is try as hard as he can, whatever happens, happens. Overthinking it isn't going to help anything. Before he knows it, he's walking up to the edge of the rink, handing Suga his skate guards with a weak smile.

He's going to do his best…

His best…

He did his best …

Everything went fine until he fell. He already knew that cost him beating Ushijima, he just knew it. Panic set in along with his knee not appreciating that fall, and it was all downhill from there. It was inevitable that he messed up more steps after that - under-rotated, not able to pick up enough speed to do a move, fucking up a landing…

He felt himself losing before even seeing his score… It's not the first time he's lost, but every time it crushes him. He didn't need and didn't want to look, knowing that Ushijima undoubtedly got first place. A fog settled over him, his mood plumpeting once again. Half the time he's not sure if anyone was speaking to him, just running over his routine in his head and where he went wrong. He has to watch it again, he has to learn what happened. He has to know why he's not good enough to beat him. Fuck !

" Stop it." Tooru was ripped from his thoughts at a firm voice speaking to him, looking up to find Hajime sitting at the foot of his bed. " You're doing it again," Oikawa's brows knitted as he tried to figure out what exactly he was doing besides spacing out. " You're putting yourself down again. Yeah, you lost, so what! You still got all the way to the championship! You're an amazing skater with a lot of talent, okay? But I know in the dumbass head of yours you don't think so! All you need is a little more practice and there's no way that you can't beat them!" Tooru glaced away, not able to meet Iwa's hopeful eyes. Sure he can say that, but it's not exactly easy to be better than the nations best figure skaters… He hasn't gone up against them before and have to face the massive gap in talent… Oikawa gasped when he felt cold ice press against his knee, snapping his attention back to the man at his feet. " And I'll be there to support you so I can let everyone see how fucking amazing my stupid boyfriend is," Hajime showed off his perfect teeth as he grinned up at Tooru, the soft glow from his skylight only adding to how unfairly attractive he is. Feeling his face grow hot, Oikawa flopped back onto his bed, covering up his face.

" You're so mushy," His voice was muffled by his arm, hoping that his heartbeat wasn't as loud as it sounded to him. Iwa let out a laugh, crawling to join him, teasingly burying his face into Tooru's hair.

" You're the one dating me."

" Why'd I do that for?"

" Fuck you, Shittykawa."

A/N: IT WAS SAPPY, YEAH, SO SUE ME, I HOPE YOU LIKED IT THOUGHHH... Ahhhhh~~ sweet relief~. Very bitter sweet, as I said. But I hope it lived up to your standards for how that hot mess was going to end! D: I thought about making it sad, but I didn't want to. I love happy endings, and I had planned on this end from the very beginning (in fact, it was one of the first things I wrote!) so gruiehg of course I'm worried how it'll be received... THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE CHAPTER GUYSSS! And it SHOULDN'T take too long to get out (but this is me we're talking about, I'm not the best with figuring out how much I have left to do... BUT I DO have an unrelated, smutty Iwaoi fic that I've only got a little bit left to write for and will be posting that after finishing this fic~ so look out for that!) I called the next chapter an epilogue, and it KINDA is, but greiuh It won't be surprising for me to tell you that it'll ALSO be super sappy. I'm weak, and I think we all need some nice fluff to help recover from all the angst!

...And also I have a twitter now? (surprise, surprise, it's ALSO spacekateyes and thinking about making an insta, but I don't know how to insta soo, rip) and I posted some of my art and stuff? So follow me there if you want and I might put updates on how my fics are going (if you guys want that?) or you can just yell at me for being so slow or chat with me or whatever? dewiufhew I'm awkward, I apologize ;^;

To end my obviously long end note, happy 2nd anniversary of this fic ?! Can you believe it! Shout out to the people who've put up with me since the beginning~ and if you want me to draw anything else related to this fic, you're welcome to suggest whatever, I mean, I suck at drawing but ¯\_(ツ

)_/¯ yes, I really hope you guys will enjoy this to the end, I truly love and appreciate all of you (and have many fics in mind after this ;)