AN: Again, thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I live for them and they help keep me motivated. Enjoy the new chapter!

Chapter 11

I. [Rey]

Two months pass.

For the most part we keep busy; he becomes intensely occupied with the upcoming mission and I...well, I simply bide my time, trying to keep away from old memories that would wound me to my core.

We keep to our separate rooms, though most of our meals are spent together. I've begun training again, but now I have personal sessions with Radyne, a female instructor. Occasionally I see Patch in the hallways but he only offers a small smile. Once, just a week after my wedding, when I was granted the rare privilege of traveling alone, I pulled him into a closet and demanded that he tell me if Kylo had hurt him; relief swept over me as he assured me that my husband had left him completely alone. Perhaps he could see reason.

I attempted to make more conversation, but he ducked out, muttering that he was late to a training session.

And so I lost my only friend on the ship.

I search for news of the Resistance; probing Kylo at dinner or breakfast, or interrogating my guards. Once I stop General Hux in the corridor, asking as casually as I can if he had any updates. He only offers a sneer before walking quickly away.

Despite his intense schedule, Kylo makes time for me. He shows me to the bridge; lets me accompany him to some tactical meetings, though I offer no opinions of my own. Most evenings we spend together in the sitting room, me curled on the sofa with a book, him fiddling with a droid or work for the Order. We say our goodnights before retreating to our separate rooms.

But some nights, we spend the hours sitting close, or perhaps even curled in each other's arms, talking of everything and nothing. Some nights these conversations lead to kisses, and kisses...almost lead to more.

But I always stop it, still scared to cross that line.

Over the hours, days, and weeks, I see him uninhibited; see a side to him that even I, through these months, have only ever glimpsed. I see him without the mask, without the obligation to be something he isn't. I see the good in him, as he presents me with a small potted plant simply because he thought I would enjoy tending to it; I see the light in his eyes as he laughs at something silly I say. I see him fighting his own feelings; putting my wants before his own as I ask him to stop his advances when they become too much for me - and he always does.

I walk with him to the medical wing, where the injured and near-death soldiers lay, sleeping. He only visits late at night, when he's sure no one will see him. I see his brow furrow as he worries over his men, their injuries. I can see him battle with the idea that he shouldn't care about them, but he does. He tells me of his own regret at letting Finn go, when he knew he would defect but did nothing to stop him. I only see a man who saw the same struggle between dark and light in someone else, and let him to have the chance to decide for himself.

I see him return from his meetings with Leader Snoke - someone I hope always to avoid, though I'm sure I won't ever be so lucky - with tired eyes, a sag in his shoulders. It's killing him.

I see a man who wants so desperately to be something he's not.

And I see my own fears, begin to wonder if I'm trying to be something I'm not. Perhaps this was always meant to be - what else could explain my intense, magnetic attraction to him? On those nights when we get carried away, only minutes from becoming one, I wonder if I shouldn't stop it. I know I am playing into my own fears - of the unknown, of bringing a child into this mess, of being loyal to the Order and not the Resistance. But I cannot deny how my own feelings have changed over these last few months, as he's opened himself to me. The longer I'm with him, the more intense our attraction becomes. The more I know of the true man behind the mask, I know I cannot keep lying to myself.

Most nights, when I ask him to stop, I wish I don't.

Most nights, I debate sneaking into his room.

Every night, I regret falling asleep alone.

The night it happens, I have a strange dream.

A stone room, scattered with toys. A small boy, picking his way through the mess, his dark curls bouncing as he giggles, turns around, reaches for someone. My eyes flash, seeing a man standing in front of me, but the light is so blinding I cannot get a good look at his face.

I awake in my own room on the destroyer, soaked in sweat, my hair plastered to my neck and shoulders. My sheets have tangled in a heap on the floor; I must have kicked them off during my restless sleep. I gaze around the room, searching for the little boy, but he is nowhere to be seen.

I stand, undress, nearly sprinting for the shower. The sweat feels as though it is suffocating me. I relax in the warm water, massaging sore muscles, breathing in the humid air - still such a luxury to me.

Minutes later, I exit, rifling through my wardrobe for another nightdress. The first one I find is much too frilly - a pale pink that hits my mid-thigh, leaving barely more of me covered than the bathing suit, but the exhaustion is creeping on me and I don't want to spend longer searching for something to sleep in than is necessary.

I dress quickly, leaving my hair to dry unattended, not even bothering to run my fingers through it. I sink onto the bed, still sitting, and let my head drop in my hands. My heart still pounds haphazardly, and it does not escape me who those black curls remind me of.

Here, in the middle of the night, I let my own shields down, force myself to be honest.

This is what I want.

And I'm sure of it.

I'm shaking from head to toe, but I force myself to stand, to take the many steps to the door. I enter the sitting room, doing a quick scan but he's nowhere to be seen. No surprise at this time of night - surely he's asleep.

With a deep breath and a shaky memory of an open invitation, I enter the code to his door - given to me several months ago which I have debated using almost nightly. There is a slight hiss as the door slides open, and I hesitate for only the smallest moments before stepping foot in his room.

It is nearly identical to mine, a masculine companion with darker colors. His bed, covered in charcoal gray sheets, is much larger, I realize with a gulp. I hear the door slide shut behind me and take another step forward.

Seventeen steps and I am at the foot of his bed. He must hear me, because his eyes slowly blink, once, twice, before he sits up, reaching for his lightsaber, asking me what's the matter.

I feel foolish.

"Nothing," I mumble, looking only at the tile floor as he calms down, replaces his lightsaber on the nightstand. I feel his heat as he comes to stand beside me. "I just...wanted to see you."

"In the middle of the night?" He muses. I know his eyes are on me, can feel his breath on my cheek, but still, in my naive embarrassment, refuse to look at him.

There is a pause, a beat, a click.

"Rey," he murmurs, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Finally, I turn to him. See the light in his eyes, the concern for me. I cannot deny the warmth, the hum it brings to my chest.

The feeling of feeling complete.

I answer with an urgent kiss, wrapping my arms around him. He responds even more urgently than I, tangling his arms around me, breathing unevenly.

He stops, pulls away for just a moment, the smallest of smiles forming on the uneven planes of his face.

"What is it?" I ask, breathless.

"I never told you my secret," he whispers, pulling me closer. "From that day on Naboo."

My mind is pulling a thousand different directions, so it takes me a moment to place his reference. The bet we made about swimming to the island...yes, I remember now asking for one of his secrets. I'm surprised he remembered.

"And?" I request, staring up at him, seeking the warmth from not only his arms but also his eyes. "Are you going to tell me now?

"It seems the right time," he smiles, and a warmth settles over my chest as he leans in, his breath tickling my ear. "I've wanted you since the moment I saw you."

I feel a pull in my stomach and a smile form on my face.

"Oh, Kylo," I sigh, grinning. "That's no secret at all."

The rest of the night is nothing short of perfection.

II. [Kylo]

I prowl through my ship, tense with unease. Troopers skitter out of my way, though I hardly pay them any notice.

General Hux and most of our forces are following behind; I chose to lead this mission to the base. My knights have joined me, though we barely interact. They have become less of a priority over the last several months.

I'm loathe to go on this mission anyway, already missing Rey - my wife, I remember with a satisfied humming in my chest. I cannot stop myself from reliving that first night, only three weeks ago, when she came to my room. Or the many nights after. I feel my blood race, feel my own shortness of breath as I relive the memories. The ache from being separated from her, especially after….recent developments...is horrendous. I debated bringing her with me. But this mission is far too dangerous.

People will die.

"How long until we enter the atmosphere?" I ask the pilot.

"Twenty minutes, sir," he responds, "Maybe twenty-five."

I inwardly feel relieved; we've already been traveling for two days, toward the Outer Rim. I'm anxious to get off this ship, to destroy the Resistance permanently, and return to Rey. To have all of this behind us.

I remember my latest meeting with Snoke, discussing the logistics of this attack. We are certain this is the true base; their "decoy" was feeble and I saw through it immediately. I was even a little surprised that my mother, who has dedicated her entire life to negotiating wars, would flounder so greatly. Perhaps the Resistance is even worse off than we originally thought.

A part of me dreads seeing her; I haven't laid eyes on her since I was fifteen, just before I led the attack on Luke and his padawans. Before I swore my loyalty to my grandfather, to Snoke, to the only truly working system in the galaxy - the First Order. The Republic - and now the Resistance - are, no, were, nothing more than a crowd of sniveling, narcissistic imbeciles determined to have their voices heard rather than accomplish anything worthwhile. The First Order is working to correct that.

I feel for my lightsaber as the ship begins its descent. With a slight thud we land and the bridge drops slowly to the ground. The air blasts me through the mask; it is arid and blisteringly hot. The landscape matches; the earth is hard-packed, a dull shade of brown. A few trees and scrubby plants dot the landscape; I scan my eyes and see flat bluffs in the distance. A small muddy stream, no more than six inches deep, runs about fifty feet away; most of the vegetation grows along its shores. Everywhere I look there are boulders of varying sizes and hues - good places for hiding. A small rodent scuttles from one rock to another, and I smile.

This planet will be the deathbed of the Resistance.

They have dug their own graves.

III. [Poe]

"You're not going by yourself," I say through gritted teeth. My patience is already stretched thin over the last two and a half months as I am stuck here, rotting in the Resistance base while Rey is still in enemy territory. Leia is about to crush what little diplomacy I have left.

There is the smallest flicker of her eyelids, as if she wants to roll her eyes but courtesy won't let her.

"Poe," she begins. "I appreciate your concern. But I will not let anyone else risk their life on this mission, not even you."

"But - " I explode, furious with her noble intentions; she is walking into a deathtrap and refuses to have any backup!

"No," Leia cuts me off. "This is the only way I can think of to save him. He has to see me, and only me. If he saw you, Poe, he would only feel anger, and hatred. He would give in completely to the dark side. I can't let that happen."

I have to stop myself from shaking, from wanting to scream and rip my hair out. She saw me when I landed, helped me off the ship because I couldn't do it alone with one hand. She held me, stroked my hair as they replaced my limb with a robotic one. She heard me screaming in complete agony from the pain of my hand and losing Rey. She knows exactly who caused this.

But she's too blind to see it.

"Don't you understand," I nearly hiss, "That he already has given in completely to the dark side? Why do you refuse to accept that?"

"No!" She shouts, and even I, nearly a foot taller than her, cower at the emotion in her voice. "There is good in him, there is still light. He's searching for it. And I will do whatever I have to for him to find it."

"Even if it means risking your own life?"

She sighs. "I'll be fine."

I hold my tongue, not trusting myself to speak.

"The planet I've led them to isn't far from here. I'll be back within a few days," she says finally. "I need you and Finn to hold down the base until then."

"What if you don't come back?"

She tenses, waits several minutes before answering.

"I'll come back."

IV. [Kylo]

"Spread out. Search everything."

The troopers and knights do as I instruct, moving silently. I walk north, away from the ship, toward the bluffs. About a half mile in, I come upon a gorge, which extends sharply downward so far that I cannot see the bottom; it's just an empty abyss. Through my mask I see crude cuts in the rock, with swinging bridges connecting them. They appear to be openings of some sort that have been cut by hand.

So this is where the rats have built their nest.

I turn back, motion toward the troopers to and my knights to join me. I point to the holes in the rock, the openings to their base. I send two troopers back to the ship, to notify Hux and the others of the location of the Resistance. I turn toward my knights, forming a plan for climbing down to the entrances when I see the smallest motion out of the corner of my eye.

There, standing on the opposite side of the gorge, is my mother.

I can't believe how different she looks; my breath catches at her grey hair, the lines that have formed on her face. But her small smile is the same; the steel in her dark eyes still unwavering.

She stands alone; there are no fighters or guards with her. I halt my knights and the troopers who have drawn their weapons, ordering them to stand down.

"Hello, Ben," she calls to me. It is silent, not even the slightest hint of a breeze or the call of a bird. Though we are separated by the gorge, I hear her perfectly. "I've missed you."

Before I realize what I'm doing, I remove my mask, let it fall down next to me. I'm gripping the lightsaber tightly in my right hand as if it were a lifeline.

"I hear congratulations are in order," she says, just a hint of sadness in her voice. "I hope you've been kind to her."

"Where are the others?" I yell, glancing down at the caves dug into the rock below.

"There are none," she says softly. "I'm the only Resistance fighter here."

There is a cry of outrage from the troopers behind me.

"Silence!" I roar, turning back to them. "I will handle this."

I turn back to my mother, see her small frame stand with such confidence. She takes a few halting steps toward me, closer to the edge of the cliff, closer to the abyss.

"These caves have been abandoned for years," she explains. "But they make a good decoy."

"You're lying," I hiss.

"No, Ben," she says tiredly. "I've never lied to you."

My heart twists involuntarily at the truth of her words. I run through my old diatribes in my mind as quickly as I can; how she abandoned me, always put her work first, sent me to train with Luke as quickly as she could. But seeing her here, the first time in almost twenty years, silences those thoughts. I close my eyes, calling for the Force, for help from my grandfather. I realize now the task that Snoke expects from me; how to truly complete my training.

Kill both of my parents.

I taste blood as I realize that I cannot - I will not - do it.

Just at that moment, a trooper approaches, tells me that Hux's ship has received word of the base and will launch a missile in minutes. My mind whirs. All the openings are on the other side of the gorge; they will destroy everything beyond this canyon. My mother will be killed if she doesn't move now.

I feel an intense panic, turning toward the knights and troopers, ordering them back to the ship. They race for the safety of distance, knowing I will follow in a moment.

"There is a missile coming," I quickly say. "You have to get out of here before it hits."

She shakes her head. "No," she replies. "I will not die a coward."

"You always cherished your pride," I seethe. "But this is not the time for that, mother! Don't you understand I'm trying to save you? Get out of here before it kills you!"

"I won't," she says.

I turn toward my mother, calling to her, pleading with her.

She takes another step closer to the edge. I can see the light settle in her eyes, see her face settle into a small smile. "You've become so handsome," she says quietly.

My heart stops as I realize she's not planning to move. She is going to be killed. I extend a hand, planning to carry her to this side and to safety using the Force, but she blocks me, keeping close to the edge.

She only offers a small smile as we both hear something whiz in the clouds above. "You've made your choice. Sided with the dark. And now you must reap your consequences. I hope you know how much your father and I always loved you."

I scream in frustration, begging her to move, to get to safety. "You have only seconds! Please, mother, please move, for me! I don't want to see you die!"

The missile breaks through the clouds, heading for the ground just a half mile behind her. She will be lost in the impact. I feel my heart race, then stop altogether, in the seconds before it hits.

"Perhaps this is what will save you, son."

The missile implodes and I watch with horror as she slips of the edge, falling into the abyss below. I fall to the ground, reaching for her, screaming for her, but I know it is no use.

She is gone.

V. [Rey]

I'm still halfway in dreamland when I hear the door open, footsteps coming toward me, and a loud thunk which must be his helmet. I feel him hovering next to the bed, waiting. Even in my haze I know something isn't right. He told me he would never enter this room unless I told him it was all right, and even with the new developments in our relationship, I've always gone to him - he's never set foot in this room in the months we've been married.

"May I join you?" his voice breaks.

I've never, in the years I've known him, heard his voice with that sort of emotion in it. What could have happened?

I lift the blankets, make room for him. He crawls into bed, and in the darkness I can see that he hasn't bothered to remove his cape, belt, or boots. Just his mask.

I don't know what I'm expecting, some sort of physical advance, I suppose. But he tries nothing. In one breath he collapses next to me; his head buried into my shoulder. I feel a wetness on my shirt, which can only be...tears?

I close my eyes, focus on his thoughts, delve into his mind as painlessly as possible. The mission - entering the atmosphere, finding his mother - they argue - and she -

No. NO.

Leia is gone.

I see him scream at her, tell her to move, to get out while she still can. She refuses, standing her ground. Fearless.

"Perhaps this is what will save you, son."

A heart-wrenching moment when he realizes that there is nothing he can do. And then, in one instant, she is gone.

My own eyes fill with tears as Kylo continues to cling to me, reliving those moments over and over again. I sense him for what he truly is. He is not a monster, no.

He is simply a scared, lost little boy, crying out for his mother.

And she cannot answer.

AN: Okay before anyone sends me hate mail, things are not always as they seem. :) We've still got a way to go before this story is over!