Chapter 5 (fin)

Rick had to force himself to leave Michonne without telling her, but he wasn't ready to talk to her about why. The pain he caused her was so apparent it scared him. He doesn't recall ever feeling so devastated. He cried almost all the way back to Alexandria. This is what really being in love feels like. It was the worst pain, and at the same time the greatest, most genuinely exquisite feeling of joy and satisfaction he had ever known.

When he got to Alexandria, he hardly got the car parked when Carl ran over to him.

"Dad!" Carl stopped just short of the car. "Where's Michonne?"

"She's going to stay with Maggie for a few days. How's your sister?"

"Good. What did the doctor say?"

"What I expected. I need to talk about the trauma I've been through."

"Talk to who?"

"Michonne, maybe even you."

"You think that'll work?"

"I think it will."

Rick was not surprised that he was still unable to sleep without Michonne. The children were asleep, and he walked around in the dark house missing her more with each passing minute. He sat on the couch downstairs and thought about everything he had done since the outbreak; the walkers and the people he's killed. He knew how many people he's killed and why he killed them. Why? Because they tried to kill me. 'My grandpa was in World War II and killed men,' he thought. Wasn't he in a war? He was, a civil war. Lori told him one time that she didn't believe him to be a killer because there was no malice in his heart. He had no malice or hatred toward any man. That was the only way to live, the only way to survive and still be the man you started out to be. A good man.

He leaned his head back on the couch cushion and let tears fall from his eyes. He decided to forgive himself for what he has done, and what he'll no doubt have to do again during this civil war he was in. Michonne understood the things that are done in war time and he did not, until now. He knew all her hope and love goes into their family and the life they were building, not dwelling on the things that have to be, especially in war time. He has been fighting in a war for almost 2 years now. Two different enemies, the dead and the living. He remembered telling Daryl when they first met that they don't kill the living. They do now. However, he thought with a sympathetic smile, it is still possible for a good man to exist in this world.

"You were right Dad, I am a good man." He said out loud.

Three days later Michonne came home. It was early evening, and she wanted to check on her family before going to the brownstone. She walked into the house and before she noticed no one was downstairs, she heard Rick and Judith singing in one of the upstairs bathrooms. He was teaching her Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. She stood downstairs and smiled. It was too adorable to be interrupted just yet. She heard water splashing and Judith's contagious laughter. Putting her katana and pack at the bottom of the stairs, she quietly walked up. She peeked into the bathroom and Judith saw her first and squealed happily.

"Hi!" The smiling toddler said waving.

Her eyes rested on Rick sitting on the floor with his face covered in bubbles, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Hi." He said quietly.

"Hi." She said appreciating his clean shaven face. "You're wearing more bubbles than are in the tub."

"Yeah, it got a little wild in here. When did you get back?"

"Just now."

"It's good to see you." He said now smiling at her.

"It's good to see you." She bent down and kissed the only space on his right cheek that didn't have bubbles on it.

She got on her knees by the tub and finished Judith's bath.

"The water is nearly cold. Were you and daddy playing with the bubbles baby girl?"

Rick and Michonne both laughed out loud when Judith nodded. Rick handed Michonne a towel and she lifted Judith out of the tub and took her to her room. Rick followed barely believing Michonne was there. He was afraid to ask her how long she was going to stay for fear of her telling him she was just stopping by before going to the brownstone, which would probably be the case. Suddenly he felt the tension she was experiencing.

"I'll see you downstairs." He said kissing Judith and leaving them alone.

"Okay." Michonne said.

She smiled at their daughter. Grateful she could sense their moods. She put her little arms around Michonne's neck and kissed her cheek.

"Beautiful dreams baby girl." Michonne laid her down and she quickly went to sleep.

Michonne inhaled deeply and went downstairs. She found Rick pacing in front of the fireplace deep in thought.

"Why did you leave me at the Hilltop?" She asked squarely.

"Have you ever looked into your eyes and tried to convince you of something you might not want to do? I needed you to stay there for my sake. I wouldn't have been able to take that ride back with you, and us worse off than when we arrived there, and if you really wanted to come back with me, you could have talked me out of asking you to stay. You know that."

She nodded looking down at the floor.

"You have something you need to tell me that you're not. You need to say it just as much as I need to hear it so we can move on from here. This is not us Michonne; avoiding each other's eyes, not talking, not touching, and sleeping apart."

He quickly walked up to her and grabbed her by her upper arms.

"Tell me how you felt when I pulled my gun on you. Did you think I was going to kill you? Did you!" He raised his voice causing anger to shoot from her eyes.

"No, not you. I've had guns pointed at me before. Those men wanted to kill me, you didn't, I saw that in your eyes, but when I couldn't see me in your eyes it frightened me."

He slowly let go of her arms and stepped back. He wanted to hold her, but he couldn't, not yet. He had never known anyone who could frighten Michonne. Apparently, he was the only one who could.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. He gently took her by the arm and led her to the couch. She sat down and he knelt at her feet.

"I spent the 3 days you were away psychoanalyzing myself. I feel like an expert now. It was very painful, but very rewarding."

She looked curiously into his eyes.

"I looked at me through your eyes, and knowing that I'm a good man in your eyes, makes it real to me. What you think of me makes the difference in me, because I trust your judgment. Everything my parents told me about myself is still true, and you bring that out in me every day." He took her hands in his, and looked into her eyes. "My words hurt you more than my actions did, so I'm going to use my words to take the hurt away, and saying I love you alone isn't enough." He moved her hand over his heart. "Michonne, you have my heart, and wherever you go…"

Her lips trembled and tears flowed from her eyes, and she spoke the words before he could finish.

"I'll be there, or on my way."

Rick's face softened and he started breathing hard because the heavy weight had lifted.

"You in?" He said smiling at her.

"I'm in."

He took her in his arms and all the pain and hurtful words washed away like dust after a hard rain.