Author's Note:

Trigger warnings for childhood sexual abuse, and sexual assault! Please be careful!

So this topic is pretty dark, and definitely not for everyone. It was suggested to me by a reader that certain aspects of Cat's behavior are consistent with victims of sexual abuse/sexual assault, and I found that fascinating. So I'm using this user's suggestion for a topic of Cat trying to cope with her past and Kara trying to find a way to help.

This is set sometime fairly early in the season, after Cat was "proven wrong" about Kara being Supergirl, but before the Red Kryptonite.

I didn't originally post this on fanfiction (only on AO3) because it's darker than most stuff on this site, but I figured what the hell.

I will say it again, because the last thing I want to do is traumatize anyone:
TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR REFERENCES TO CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE AND THE THREAT OF A SEXUAL ASSAULT

I'm supergirlfan101 on Tumblr, if you would like to contact me. Comments here are also more than welcome!

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She awoke clutching the blanket with her fists, sheets wound around her like a vise. The scream she'd been about to release died in her throat. She sat up, gasping for air, and blinked her eyes rapidly to focus. Reaching a shaking hand toward the nightstand, she fumbled around until she found the light switch. She flicked it on, and forced herself to breathe deeply. Slowly, the world around her came back into focus, and she remembered where she was, and who she was. She sat up in bed, returning to the present, and to reality.

'It was just a dream.' Those five words, meant to bring her comfort, instead served as a warning that nothing was ever as it appeared. There was no such thing as 'just a dream' anymore, not when they brought such vivid reminders of events that should have ended long ago. Indeed, there never had been. She thought she had left those dreams behind, and the realities that accompanied them. But can we ever really leave our pasts behind? Or are we simply able to outrun it for a while, only to trip up and allow it to overwhelm us yet again? Recently, the past had returned with a vengeance, and the nightmares that wracked her dreams were tearing her apart.

She glanced at the clock. 2:59 a.m. Well, it could have been worse. At least she'd gotten a couple of hours of sleep. There would be no going back to bed tonight: she wasn't going to risk any more nightmares. She rose from the bed slowly, threw her robe over her nightgown, and stepped out onto the balcony to get some fresh air. Perhaps a glass of whiskey would calm her nerves. She was about to go inside and pour herself a glass when she heard the faint flutter of a cape.

She looked up in surprise. "Supergirl? What are you doing here at this ungodly time of night?"

Supergirl smiled. "Ms. Grant, I was about to ask you the same question."

"I live here," Cat responded dryly.

The superhero laughed. "I know that. I meant, what are you doing awake at this time of night?"

Cat sighed. She was not going to explain what had woken her up this morning. Supergirl didn't need to hear about her problems. Some things, after all, were not meant to be shared. "Probably the same thing as you. Couldn't sleep, Supergirl?"

The hero shrugged noncommittally.

Cat wouldn't let it go that easily. Truthfully, she was thrilled to have someone to talk to. Nothing would make the dreams go away faster than an interesting conversation. And Cat found the idea of a restless superhero fascinating. She would love to know what went on inside the mind of a Kryptonian. Did Supergirl even need sleep? "Do you do this often, at three in the morning? Fly around the city looking for company?"

"More than you'd think, Ms. Grant." The faraway look in Supergirl's eyes made that response seem even more intriguing.

"And why is that?" Cat inquired curiously. "What keeps you up at night?"

"I don't need as much sleep as humans," the Kryptonian responded. There was more to the story, but she would leave it at that. "I spend a lot of time wide awake at strange hours."

Cat looked at her speculatively. "So what do you think about, when the rest of the world is sleeping?"

The Kryptonian just shook her head. "We all have our secrets, Ms. Grant. I won't bore you with mine."

Cat wanted to tell her that nothing about the superhero could ever be boring. She wanted to know more about this fascinating woman. More than anything, she wanted company at this time of night. But she had taken enough of the hero's time already. "Well, I hope you find what you're looking for, Supergirl," she said softly.

The Kryptonian sighed. "And I hope you're able to get some sleep," she murmured, and took off into the night.

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The morning started off badly when she'd had to berate two different editors for neglecting to get their work in on time, and had deteriorated from there. She had already threatened to fire five people, and she wasn't even close to done. Why did people have to be such idiots? Did she have to do everything herself?

"Kiera!" She saw her assistant start to rise as soon as she inhaled, as if she'd known the call was coming.

"Yes, Ms. Grant?"

"Go get me the layouts from the fashion department. And while you're there, take a few lessons from them. Your wardrobe really needs an upgrade."

"Of course, Ms. Grant," Kara said, ignoring the insult and scurrying off to accomplish her assigned task.

Well, that was thoroughly unsatisfying, Cat thought. She'd hoped to take a little bit of her anger out on her capable assistant, but Kara never seemed to rise to the bait. The young woman just smiled as if she hadn't even heard the insult, and carried out her job to perfection. She wasn't sure why that irritated her so much.

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By lunch time, Cat was ready to murder someone. The printing presses had broken down briefly, and now production was behind schedule on CatCo's monthly magazine. The fact that they could easily catch up overnight was beside the point. This was not how a first-class company ran its business. "Kiera," she demanded, "find out who was responsible for that printing fiasco, and bring him up here so I can fire him." Kara nodded, and sighed as she headed downstairs. This was going to be ugly.

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By the time Cat had fired three of the workers involved in printing the magazine, she was feeling marginally better. The idiots had deserved their fate, and much, much more. I mean really, jamming up the printing presses with home-made baseball cards for members of their adult softball league? Were they children? She rolled her eyes at the sights of middle-aged men with beer bellies, trying to look like sluggers. Good riddance.

When Kara had brought the sheets of baseball cards to Cat, her assistant had barely had the heart to mount a defense for the three men. And if Kara couldn't find a way to defend them, no one could. When she shooed Kara away with a flick of her wrist, the woman had escaped with a look of relief on her face. Cat hadn't even had the heart to throw another insult at the girl, charmed as she was by Kara's pathetic attempts to mount a defense for these men.

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By the end of the work day, fatigue was catching up to Cat. Her lack of sleep the night before had simply been the latest in a stream of nightmares and sleepless nights, and she could feel that it was starting to take a toll. She knew how to get through this, though. She had the house to herself tonight, and she would do what she usually did to rectify situations like these. Just as she spun around in her chair, Kara appeared in her doorway.

"Will you be needing anything else tonight, Ms. Grant?"

She sighed. "No, Kiera. Go home." Cat knew that if she asked, her assistant would stay for hours, catering to her every whim. She was half-tempted to come up with tasks for Kara to do, just to avoid the loneliness that she was feeling. But she wasn't that much of an ogre.

Kara must have seen something in her gaze, because she stepped closer and asked softly, "Are you all right, Ms. Grant?"

That wouldn't do at all. Cat Grant was not a woman to be pitied. "I'm fine, Kiera. Go home and change out of that awful cardigan. And please burn it, so I never have to see it again. It's even more hideous than the rest of your wardrobe."

She saw the flash of hurt on Kara's face, and felt instantly ashamed. Kara recovered almost instantly, however, smiled politely, and said, "Good night, Ms. Grant," making Cat feel even worse about the cutting remarks. But at least now Kara wasn't looking so concerned. Cat did not tolerate the sympathy of others. Cat Grant didn't need anyone.

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The club was dimly lit, with strobe lights flashing periodically to add to the ambience. It smelled of alcohol and perfume, and was a little too crowded for Cat's liking. She strode up to the bar, and ordered a couple of shots. She needed to sleep, and the most effective recipe for that involved alcohol and the touch of a man or woman – she didn't really care which. Tonight, she was in a lesbian club, so the choice had been made.

After three shots, she was feeling loose enough to start surveying her options. A long, lean, dark-haired beauty was eyeing her from the other end of the room. Meanwhile, a younger blond woman made her way toward Cat, swinging her hips as she crept slowly toward the older woman. Cat met her eyes with a look that clearly told the woman what she was interested in, and the other woman offered a smile and a well-manicured hand. "I'm Charisse. And you might be the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in this club."

Cat nearly rolled her eyes at the transparent line, but she supposed it might be true, after all. And the woman was hot, and they clearly wanted the same thing. She smiled back. "Cat. Would you like to dance?"

Cat was not in the mood for taking things slow tonight, and when they started dancing, she eased her body behind Charisse's and began moving in time with the other woman, using the motion as an excuse to put her hands all over her dance partner. Charisse did nothing to discourage her advances, pushing herself closer and sighing happily as Cat ran her hands up and down Charisse's sides. They moved as one, with Cat placing her hands on Charisse's hips and sliding them forward to explore other regions, until Charisse spun in Cat's arms, wrapped her arms around the older woman, and kissed her hungrily. They stopped dancing, oblivious to the music that was still playing, and deepened the kiss as arms snaked around each other. "Come home with me," Cat murmured, and the other woman nodded, a hungry look in her eyes.

There was no pretense of romance. What was between them was all need, and when they stepped inside of Cat's bedroom, they took what they wanted. Cat needed this release, and she needed not be alone tonight. It was just sex, she told herself, as she had a million times before. There was nothing wrong with finding ways to satisfy one's cravings. And as she lay, spent and relaxed, in the woman's arms, she knew that at least there would be no nightmares tonight. And even if there were, she had a beautiful woman by her side to distract her.

Kara sat, head in her hands, on top of a nearby building. She'd known, after last night's 3 a.m. nightmare, that Cat wouldn't be alone tonight. She was well acquainted with Cat's patterns, and her struggles to prevent the nightmares.

She had known about Cat's nightmares for a while now. One night, she'd been flying by, and had heard Cat's panicked scream. She stopped instantly, and prepared to break in until she realized that Cat was alone in her bed. She watched helplessly as Cat thrashed and moaned, until the woman finally woke up, curled into a ball, and tried to compose herself. She had wanted, so badly, to knock on Cat's balcony door and offer the woman comfort, but she suspected her comfort would not be accepted.

Since that night, she had taken to checking on Cat periodically. Whenever she was awake late at night, she would find herself flying by Cat's penthouse, hoping to see the woman sleeping soundly. What she'd seen lately had her very concerned. The nightmares had gotten worse, and Cat was not getting nearly enough sleep. Some nights, she wouldn't even try. Other nights, she would manage a few hours before being woken by a terrifying nightmare. Unfortunately, Cat had found only one solution to the nightmares – one-night stands. Whether due to the presence of another person in her bed, or her post-sex exhaustion, Cat slept better on those nights.

Kara tried not to be upset about it. She really did. Cat was doing what she needed to, in order to take care of herself. She tried not to think about another woman touching Cat, ignoring the rising tide of jealousy. It wasn't Cat's fault that Kara was smitten with the older woman. She sighed, knowing that nothing would ever come of her feelings, but wishing that somehow, she could be the woman helping Cat to fall asleep at night.

She had tried, last night, to talk with Cat. That was the first time she had ever made her presence known to the older woman. It quickly became evident, however, that Cat had no interest in talking about her nightmares. Before leaving work today, she had tried again, but Cat quickly slammed the door on that conversation by making a cutting remark about Kara's wardrobe choices. So Kara was reduced to checking on Cat from a distance, and trying not to think about how much she wished she could be the one comforting the older woman. She sighed, and took off, leaving Cat to conclude her night in private.