And of course, after nearly three weeks of absence, I return with unscheduled angsty nonsense, so here you go.

It's never a good thing to come home to quiet. Quiet means the day is bad, the day is low, the day is muddled with the cloying sense of grief.

He slips off his shoes and sets his keys in the dish on the side table. The grocery bags gets set on the table; they'll be organized later and he doesn't want to knock the day down further by putting them away wrong.

They've long since stopped calling greetings to one another whenever they get home. They didn't stop all at once but it only took about two weeks for them to stop completely. The greetings were always unnecessary, they still are.

With a deep breath, Kageyama heads down the hallway.

Hinata's room is slightly bigger, it used to be an office, but Kageyama gets the double window and they both like that. It works out; Kenma stays with them sometimes, and the extra space in Hinata's room allows for a trundle bed. Other times, Yachi drops in for a short visit, she likes the natural light from the window. Besides all that, Hinata's room is usually pretty dim anyways, the extra light would just be a bother.

He knocks once on Hinata's door before pushing it open.

The room isn't all that messy usually. Hinata's good about organizing, he just does it his own way. All the same, it still looks a little chaotic to Kageyama, but Hinata likes it how it is.

It's fine.

A tuft of bright orange hair is all Kageyama can see of Hinata. The rest of the smaller man's body is a barely identifiable lump under the covers. His phone is on the nightstand, glowing to display four missed calls and twelve missed texts. Kageyama knows that two of the calls and three of the texts are his. The rest are likely from Kenma, maybe even Yachi or Yamaguchi.

"Sho," he calls, voice flat so Hinata won't hear anything out of the ordinary. He turns on the lamp so the room is lit up at least a little bit.

There's a muffled grunt from under the covers and Kageyama takes it as an affirmative that Hinata is listening to him.

"Kenma's going to be over this weekend. He's been with Akaashi since last Tuesday, but Akaashi's going out of town."

Another grunt.

"Did I wake you up?"

The tuft of hair moves as Hinata shakes his head. It takes all of two minutes for him to sit up. His hair is messier than usual, his eyes tinged red. His bottom lip is chewed ragged, a light smudge of blood evident at the corner of his lips. The bags under his eyes don't look any better, but they don't look worse, which is good.

That's good.

Hinata holds out his arms, fingers curling in a grabbing motion until Kageyama moves closer. Once he's in reach, Hinata pulls him down to sit on the bed.

Kageyama opens his arms for Hinata, holding perfectly still as the smaller man shifts closer. Hinata's hair brushes against his nose but Kageyama continues to stay still until they're both situated.

Hinata's scrawny arms wrap tight around his waist, nails biting into his skin through his shirt. It hurts, but it quickly fades to a dull ache as Hinata relaxes a little.

"Kenma's coming?" he asks after a moment, voice little more than a rasp.

"On Friday," Kageyama says, resting one hand on Hinata's back and the other on his head. He lightly scritches his blunt nails against Hinata's scalp, trying not to mess the wild hair any more than it already is. The action is repetitive, calming, and it works to make Hinata calm and complacent, less likely to snap.

That's good for the both of them.

"What's today?" Hinata asks. His hands drop from Kageyama's back, laying limp against the sheets.

"Wednesday."

Hinata's quiet, humming as he thinks.

"Grocery day?"

"Yeah, everything's on the table, whenever you're up for it."

Hinata nods, his hair rubbing up against Kageyama's nose again. He wants to sneeze, but he steels himself and stays quiet.

It takes a few minutes for Hinata to pull himself together. Kageyama stands up, helping Hinata to his feet. He wobbles slightly, having been in bed all day, but he offers Kageyama the barest hint of a smile before taking his hand. They walk out to the kitchen and Kageyama perches on the counter, watching quietly as Hinata's focus narrows to the plastic bags on the table.

Hinata unbags everything first, separating boxes from lumpy packages, and fridge items from food that goes in the cupboards. He pulls a chair from the table and drags it to the counter opposite Kageyama. It's a lot of back and forth trips, Hinata empties the first cupboard of what it already holds and starts filling it again. He orders the boxes by food type and size, filling the top shelf first and working his way down, occasionally fitting in something that won't go anywhere else.

He's tired by the time he moves onto the fridge so he brings all the remaining groceries into the kitchen and sets them on the floor. Sitting in front of the open fridge, he starts the process over again, meticulously checking expiration dates and setting food aside if it's bad.

Kageyama watches everything, eyes fixed on the slumped curve of Hinata's back, the exhaustion induced tremors running rampant through his body, and the on again off again shine in his eyes.

It's a quiet day, which means the day is bad and low and muddled. But it's a good quiet day. Hinata almost smiled, and he hadn't taken a break between the cupboards and the fridge. He talked earlier.

Kageyama crumples up the bags for Hinata, throwing them beneath the sink before helping him stand.

"Do you have work to do?" Hinata asks. They're still in standing in the middle of the kitchen, Hinata's wrists held loose in Kageyama's hands.

"I finished what I needed to before I left."

Hinata works from home, which is good because most days he can't bring himself to leave their apartment. He works through his laptop to speak to whatever division he needs to and through detailed emails when he lacks the energy to talk or interact with anyone other than Kageyama and Kenma. He sends all his designs, layouts, approved paperwork through a scanner, and whatever he can't, his assistant drops by to pick up.

Kageyama works in a building just down the street. It's an even mix of paperwork and athlete interaction. His clients are almost always top of the line athletes recovering from heartbreaking, career shattering, injuries. Yachi's there as well, she helps him as part of his team, and organizes staff parties and client files. Kageyama likes his job well enough; working with various athletes, putting together training and eating regimens, it's even helped him grow friendlier over all. His clients chatter, they tell him he's easy to talk to and he doesn't know why.

He could do without the paperwork.

"Can we watch a move then?"

"Sure."

Hinata smiles up at him again, hazy and soft and barely there.

Slowly, they shuffle walk to the living room, Kageyama supporting most of Hinata's weight without realizing it.

"I wanna watch the movie Yamaguchi let us borrow," Hinata says, propping his chin against Kageyama's chest, fixing him with red rimmed eyes and the ghost of a smile.

Kageyama nods.

He puts in the movie, it's a bit of a struggle because Hinata won't let go, but he manages. There was a time when he wouldn't hesitate to shove Hinata off, to grumble something rude that they both knew he didn't mean. Hinata would have pouted before laughter bubbled up into his throat. He would jump up to give Kageyama a kiss before clinging to him again. Kageyama would roll his eyes and sigh like he was annoyed, though they both knew he wasn't.

But it's not that time now.

Now, there are days where Hinata won't touch him. There are days when Hinata does nothing but lay in bed, crying to himself intermittently, where he panics if Kageyama sets even a finger on him. Those are the worst days, and though they aren't entirely common, Kageyama feels his heart break each morning he wakes unable to hold Hinata or give him a kiss.

He's not even mad at Hinata, not even a little bit. He'd been irrationally angry in the beginning, but he soon got over that. It's just strange to remember Hinata before. There's such a disconnect that Kageyama sometimes finds himself wondering if he'd tripped into some other, much worse, universe.

It'd make sense.

A lot of things are different, more so than he'd ever thought they would be.

Bokuto Koutarou from Fukurodani stills plays pro, Akaashi Keiji is a coach for a rapidly advancing college team. They talk with Akaashi a lot more than they used to, and that's because of Kenma. The other setter is usually one of three places; his shared apartment, Kageyama and Hinata's apartment, or Akaashi's house. It's rapidly becoming the case that he's rarely at the former. Akaashi's usually alone, and open to company. Bokuto's often away, whether out of district or out of country, and Akaashi has their two dogs and a contact list of high school acquaintances to fend off loneliness.

Asahi has practically dropped off the face of the earth, the only way they know he's still alive is because of sporadic appearances in Suga and Daichi's social media. Ennoshita managed to put out a pretty decently rated movie a couple of years ago, and as far as they know, he's working as a screenwriter in the states. Yamaguchi's a kindergarten teacher, and Kageyama doesn't remember what Tsukishima does, only that Yamaguchi talks about usually going to bed by himself.

He sees Daichi at work; the former Karasuno captain wrecked his right shoulder in the final match of his college career, and he can barely raise his right hand over his head. But they're getting there. Suga always gives him baked goods of some kind as a 'thank you' after Daichi's monthly appointments.

After graduation, he'd gotten a call from Kunimi, and met with him and Kindaichi the following day. The reconciliation was slow going, mostly because Kindaichi wasn't yet ready to let go of his frustration, and Kageyama wasn't sure if he even deserved the friendship in the first place. But Kunimi pushed and they're all on good terms for the most part. They don't hang out on a regular basis, mostly because of work, but they go out for the occasional drink, and call each other to stress vent or preform a simple catch up over lunch.

He even sees Iwaizumi sometimes.

The older man had pursued a career in sports medicine; he happens to work in a sister building in another district. Occasionally, both he and Kageyama are called to work together with a choice client. Kageyama had asked about Oikawa, only for Iwaizumi to go quiet at the question. He steers clear of the topic now, and that's only because his curiosity led him to ask Kunimi what had happened.

Kunimi hadn't known everything, but what he did know made sense.

Hinata cuddles up to him as the movie starts and Kageyama rests an idle hand in his hair, stroking through the bright orange tufts.

Hinata probably needs a shower, or a bath depending on how long he can stand by himself. They can do dinner first though, then Hinata can take a bath, and maybe he'll be up for Kageyama brushing his hair afterwards.

Kagyama doesn't pay much attention to the movie, too focused on the way Hinata's breath rattles around in his chest before battling past his lips. He's too focused on the way Hinata's hands shake, the way he squirms but keeps himself close to Kageyama regardless.

The fidgeting gets worse as the move progresses and Hinata moves to the other end of the couch by the halfway mark. He looks at Kageyama, biting his lip as he tries to calm himself down before he ends up in tears.

"It's okay," Kageyama says simply.

"I'm sorry."

"Really, it's okay, Sho, I promise."

Hinata nods like he's convincing himself that it really is okay, but then he shakes his head. He pats the cushion between them a few times before settling his hand there, palm down. Kageyama follows suit.

They finish the movie with their pinkies barely touching.

Kageyama makes dinner, Hinata sits on the counter and hums the tune to a song Yachi had been singing the last time she cam over.

Initially, Kageyama hadn't been that good of a cook, but Hinata was even worse. He'd caved and asked Suga, and Tanaka surprisingly enough, to help him learn. Within a few months he'd picked up enough to actually enjoy cooking. It didn't hurt that he managed to rack up numerous enthusiastic, if slightly made up of gibberish, compliments from Hinata.

When he's done, Kageyama plates what he can, setting everything on the table. Hinata doesn't eat much anymore, but he still likes to steal food from Kageyama's plate. He eats more that way, so Kageyama has gotten in the habit of adding extra food to his portion just for Hinata.

They eat in easy silence; Kageyama remembers Hinata's fast paced recounts of his day, full of unnecessary sound effects and just the right amount of blinding smiles.

But that's okay, there are new good things during dinner now. Hinata's eating, he's not staring balefully at his food or falling asleep. He's remembering to chew so he won't choke, and he's boldly making eye contact with Kageyama as he takes pieces of meat from his plate.

It's a good quiet day.

Hinata puts groceries away, Kageyama does dishes. They'd set that when they first moved in together and Kageyama clings to that like it's the last life vest and he's out at sea.

After dinner, Hinata sits on the counter and watches him clean, eyes dutifully following every motion he makes.

"You've always had nice hands," Hinata says, pointing with a trembling finger as if to remind Kageyama where his hands are. "They're still pretty."

"Thank you."

Hinata nods and doesn't say anything else until Kageyama is done.

"Bath?" he asks quietly, and Kageyama knows that voice.

"Yeah."

Kageyama starts the water in the tub, just a touch on the side of too hot like Hinata likes it, then moves the various bottles to the edge where he can reach them. He gets up to get another towel, for Hinata's hair, from the hallway closet, as well as the weird bath scents Hinata likes. When he returns, Hinata's already sitting in the water.

He sprinkles a handful of the scented powder into the tub as it fills and watches as it tinges the water purple and floods the bathroom with the scent of flowers. He turns off the water and pulls the oversized plastic cup from beneath the sink.

Hinata sits for a few more moments before nodding his head. Kageyama fills up the cup and slowly pours it across his back.

Kageyama takes his time, carefully soaking Hinata's hair with water from the cup, and periodically wetting his shoulders so he doesn't get cold. Hinata's already picked from the two shampoos, holding the bottle back to Kageyama to use.

For immaturity's sake, once he's managed to thoroughly shampoo Hinata's hair, he shapes it into a mohawk using the lather that's built up. He's rewarded with stifled laughter and continues to mess around for a few minutes more, if only to hear that laughter for a little longer.

The bath goes faster after that, and once the water's swirling down the drain, Kageyama helps Hinata into a towel. Once dry, Hinata dresses in pajama pants and one of Kageyama's old shirts. It doesn't hang quite so comically on his frame, but the collar is clearly to large, and it gives the illusion that the shirt is attempting to eat him whole.

Kageyama picks up the blue brush, silently asking permission. Hinata gives it to him with a silent nod, and moves to stand in front of the mirror. Running a few experimental brush strokes through Hinata's hair, Kageyama decides it's still too wet and picks up the extra towel to pat it dry.

Hinata stays quiet, eyes following Kageyama's hands in the mirror.

It's not an uncommon occurrence, Hinata's been watching frequently in the past months. He's yet to say anything to Kageyama, aside from sporadic reminders that his hands look nice, and Kageyama isn't really sure what to do with this new habit.

He opts to focus on Hinata's hair instead. Now that it's dry enough for his liking, the brush meets little resistance, the bright orange isn't dripping water down Hinata's back. Kageyama doesn't do anything special with it, just brushes what he can, and runs his fingers through what he can't. He's half convinced that Hinata's hair is a sentient being, one that will never completely be tamed; no matter the amount of attention and hair gel its given.

"Done?" Hinata asks, shoulders sagging as exhaustion seeps into his bones.

"Done." Kageyama puts down the brush and turns around, he waits for Hinata to grab onto his shirt, and once he does, they both walk back into the hall.

Kageyama takes a step towards Hinata's room, but the smaller man has other ideas. He moves close enough to rest his forehead against Kageyama's back, from the rubbing, Kageyama can figure out that he's disagreeing with the decision.

So they go to Kageyama's room.

Hinata crawls in on one side and Kageyama on the other. Neither of them moves for a moment, but once Hinata's taken a few calming breaths, they turn to face each other.

"I can't- not tonight," Hinata mumbles.

Hinata had been clingy before, and Kageyama had grumbled though he was the same way. It's not a big deal now, not really, not at all. Kageyama is content with the fact that Hinata's with him for the night, this way he's not left wondering if he'll find tear stains on Hinata's pillow case come the next morning.

"It's okay," Kageyama says, and he feels like he says that a lot. But it is okay, all of it, really. He just doesn't know how else to say it, or if Hinata believes him at all.

It's quiet for all of twenty minutes, Kageyama's just starting to drift into that grey space between sleep and wakefulness when he feels a gentle tug on his hair.

"Tobio?" Hinata's voice is little more than a soft breath.

"Yeah?" In comparison, Kageyama sounds like the crashing of cymbals.

"Are you okay?"

It's a shocking question to say the least.

"I'm fine."

He can't quite see Hinata's face in the darkness, but he imagines that it's something like mild frustration and confusion.

"Oh."

"Are you?" Kageyama says after a stalled exhale.

"I don't know."

"Oh."

There's a shift in the mattress as Hinata wiggles a little closer. Kageyama stays where he is, allowing Hinata to decide just how close he wants to be.

"Hold my hand?" he whispers.

"Are you sure?"

"Please?"

Kageyama doesn't waste a second lacing their fingers together. He hears a little sigh from Hinata, but it doesn't sound distressed by any stretch.

They fall asleep soon after.