Hey guys, I have written a lot of Harry Potter fanfictions since 2008 but this is my first attempt to do so in English. I love the character of Minerva McGonagall, I would have loved to have her as a teacher at school and I do think that she isn't as strict and unapprochable as she seems to be. This is my try to show her soft sides. The story will be a bit dark, may contain some triggers and my characters will have to struggle hard to get to their luck but I hope you will enjoy reading!

Disclamer: I do not owne the characters nor the magnificent world of Harry Potter! I do not earn money but only write for my (and hopefully also your) pleasure!

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1. Poker face

Heavy raindrops were pounding against the windows of the old castle. It had been raining so much during the last few days that the Black Lake was already overflowing and Professor Sprout had to protect the green houses from being floated. In one of the deserted corridors a narrow silhouette was standing in the subdued light of a torch that was hanging from the nearby wall.

A lightening cut through the night sky and lit the small figure of a girl with curly brown hair and a pale face. Hermione Granger tightened her dressing gown around herself and leaned her forehead against the cool window glass. She couldn't sleep and had yet again had bad dreams. She was feeling all numb, inside as well as outside, but her strategy to shut away her pain still seemed to work at least a little bit. Nevertheless she still was choked with fear as if two rough hands were clutching her throat, throttling.

"If you drop a hint, just the slightest one, you'll be dead" the hoarse whisper kept ringing in hear ears.

Something warm was running down Hermione's wrist but she ignored it as well as the tears on her cheeks. Nobody was here so nobody would realize and she was sick of fighting, sick of pretending that everything would be okay.

She had been so glad to return to Hogwarts after those horrible summer holidays but then she had met the first dementor in the Hogwart's Express. Of course Hermione had been able to pretend that this … thing didn't affect her as much as Harry but she had cried all night and since this very day, nightmares had started to haunt her nearly every night. Sometimes she woke up and forgot almost immediately what she had been dreaming about but other nights, like today, the pictures were taunting her so much she didn't bear staying in the dormitory any more and so she started wandering around at night. Normally she was taking Harry's Cloak of Invisibility but this night she had been so distracted that she had forgotten this special item.

Again, the scenes of her nightmare were rushing through her brain. "You are mine, never forget this!" he had whispered into her ear and had pressed her against the wall, one of his hands onto her throat.

Breathing very quickly she tore herself out of this memory. No, not again, not now! She had just banned this shit of her mind! More tears were running down her cheeks which she didn't notice.

It had been nearly three months by now that she was back to school, yet she was feeling like a ghost. She couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate and even had difficulties with learning! Yet she was afraid that this already had affected her results at school. Sometimes she felt her teachers looking at her in a very worried way.

Some weeks ago, Professor Flitwick had taken her aside, asking if there was something wrong, if he could help in some way. She had just shaken her head, not daring to meet his concerned regards meanwhile her heart had been beating heavily.

And her Head of House, Professor McGonagall, wanted to know last week if …

Another lightening tore the sky and startled Hermione out of her thinking, now illuminating the corridor in which she was standing. But this time she was not alone any more. There was a tiny tabby cat coming closer, she could see its mirror image in the window.

Shit! Speaking, er, thinking of the devil! Hermione thought. This really is bad luck that McGonagall appears now of all times when I forgot the cloak! But she could not run away because the professor had already seen and for sure also recognized her so she simply turned around to face the tabby cat, waiting that it would transform into the human shape of her professor.

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Minerva had been on her usual tour through the fifth corridor when her sensitive animagus senses smelled something that ought not to be there. No mouse this time but a human being, obviously a pupil, wandering around in the middle of the night while he or she should be in bed, sleeping. Minerva drew closer on her silent paws. When another lightening was flashing over the sky it was illuminating the pupil out of bed who was standing in front of a big window and staring out into the thunderstorm, his back to her. It was a small and frail looking figure with long dark hair. Who might that be?

At this thought the pupil turned around and Minerva recognized third year Gryffindor Hermione Granger looking at her with her eyes wide open. In a split of second Minerva had changed into her human body.

"What are you doing out of bed, Miss Granger?" she asked in a very strict voice.

"I … I couldn't sleep." The timid voice nearly was drowned in the next thunder.

"So you thought that you could just wander around in the castle? It is past midnight and in times like these it's not a very prudent thing to do." Minerva raised her eyebrows and tried to read Hermione's face but it was too dark in the corridor.

The girl didn't answer but simply shrugged.

Much too dark Minerva thought and raised her wand: "Lumos!"

The girl closed her eyes to the light then she wiped her sleeve over her eyes. Minerva thought to see tears on her cheeks. What might have happened that Hermione Granger started wandering around the school at night? Hermione Granger who was always that worthy when showing observance of the rules (well, until she was not under the influence of her two best friends, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley, of course)?

"I am waiting for an answer, Miss Granger, as nothing gives you the right to be outside Gryffindor tower after closing time." She observed the girl sternly who straightened up and finally met her eyes.

"I am sorry, professor, I woke up from a nightmare and just wasn't thinking as I felt the urge to be on my own. I will not do it again."

Minerva felt her heart soften a little bit. She knew that it was not easy for such a clever girl to deal with her ignorant classmates particularly when being muggle born. Once again, Hermione Granger reminded her a little bit of herself being a school girl. Besides, the little witch has been petrified last year and maybe this experience still haunted her in her dreams.

"For this time there will be no punishment but you ought not to leave Gryffindor tower again at night. Not even with your two friends under the Invisibility Cloak." Minerva smiled a bit when seeing Hermiones shocked face. "If you feel speaking about your worries, I will be at your service. Come on now, I will escort you back to your common room." Minerva gently placed her hand on the girl's shoulder who flinched and stepped out of reach. Minerva was frowning: what was this behavior about? Hermione never had started on a simple touch!

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Hermione heard Professor McGonagall's words like coming from far away. Talking about it? No way! If you drop a hint you'll be dead. She wasn't prepared for the soft touch. Before she could help herself, she flinched violently and automatically stepped backwards.

His hand that grabbed her shoulder, shaking her. His breathing close to her ear …

Panic, palpitations, gasping.

No, for heaven's sake, not know! Don't let her see your feelings, calm down … With one last effort Hermione managed to put on an inexpressive face. "No he can't read my poker face." She really hated this horrible muggle singer named Lady Gaga but this part of the song 'Poker face'* hit the target.

"Miss Granger?" The voice of her beloved teacher interrupted Hermione's thoughts.

"I … sorry, professor" Hermione whispered and hung her head. Doing so, her gaze fell upon her left hand. Oh no you could see something, bloody shit! Discreetly, Hermione tried to pull her sleeve down with her fingertips so that the black cloth would cover her wrist and fingers. Look into her eyes and stop lowering your gaze! She told herself. Your mask fits perfectly well and you know that! Hermione stretched her shoulders and looked Professor McGonagall straight into her emerald green eyes. "I am okay, nothing to worry" she lied coldly.

"Well, then I will accompany you back to Gryffindor tower" her Head of House replied sternly. "And there you will stay during night time instead of wandering around the school. If you have any problems you can talk to me. That's what we Head of Houses are for, you know."

"Yes, professor" Hermione breathed but she knew in the same moment that she would not be able to stick to that promise. Silently she walked beside the tall woman, her eyes straight ahead, her face put into a motionless mask of indifference even though her inside was burning with bad feelings and fear. Once in a while she felt her teacher's eyes lying on her but she ignored them.

Finally they reached the portrait hole where professor McGonagall turned to face Hermione.

„Well, good night then, Miss Granger, and sleep well."

Sleeping, pah! „Night, professor."

Hermione knew that her farewell sounded rather stiff but she was busy to hold up her poker face by every means. This was particularly difficult whilst being watched by her beloved teacher who obviously wanted to help her. Oh, how much Hermione wanted to talk to her, to cry for help but it simply wasn't possible. She had to deal with it alone and she would do so or die in attempt.

The portrait hole closed when Hermione heard professor McGonagall marching away. She felt as lonely as never before in her live. But she suppressed her wish to run after her Head of House and approached one of the windows instead which was still being hit by heavy raining. The thunderstorm, however, had stopped.

She did not know that Minerva McGonagall was wandering through the dark castle, her thoughts with the little Gryffindor girl. Why had Hermione Granger changed so much since the last year? The girl had always been timid and had not made friends easily (Minerva had watched her all through her first year and had been so happy when Hermione finally made friends with the two boys) but normally she loved saying a right answer and being the first one to be able to do a spell. And know? Know she avoided eye contact, flinched when being touched and nearly ever spoke a word, not even in classes! Other teachers had already confided their worries about the little Granger girl to Minerva asking her if she knew the reason. Actually, Minerva did not know but was eager to find out soon as she hated it when one of her cubs was suffering. Somehow she would reveal Hermione's secret and help the girl who was one of her favorite students.

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tbc

*I know that Lady Gaga was not yet known nor a singer in 1993, but the lines of her song "Poker face" just fit that good that I chose using them.

Reviews and comments are very appreciated - thank you in advance for telling me what you think about this chapter!