A/N: This is for Hogwarts again.
Assignment 15; Lithomancy; Past stone; write about someone dwelling on or thinking deeply about an event of the past (anyone who read Unwanted affections should avoid this for major spoilers).
final word count: 3556
Evelyn hugged her brother tightly. "I'm so happy for you, James."
He hugged her back just as tight. "Thanks, Sis."
She pulled away and met his gaze before teasing, "You know I'm really only happy because you're making my best friend my actual sister, right?"
She jumped back as he swiped at her, a mischievous grin on his face. "I suppose you could make it up to me by trying to make my best friend my actual brother then."
Evelyn's face fell at the comment. The guilt and anger she felt regarding Sirius Black was something she tried to push away and hide. He had hounded after her their last two years of school, and after things had ended between her and Severus, she'd tried to give him a chance. But ultimately, she felt guilty about doing to him what Severus had done to her-giving him a chance when she knew that she would never feel anything for him. The anger stemmed from the fact that he had almost immediately jumped into the arms of Marlene McKinnon.
"I'm sorry," James said as he noticed the joy leave his sister. "I honestly just want you to find someone that will make you happy."
She smiled at her twin, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I will, James. But it's not Sirius."
No, try as she might to not love him, Severus was still holding tight to her heart. She hadn't even seen him since they'd broken up-except the classes they had been together-and she hadn't heard anything about him either.
"I suppose I should make my way to the alter, make sure Lily doesn't get cold feet for me would ya?"
"Aw dang, I was going to convince her to run for the hills," Evelyn replied, her voice dripping in sarcasm.
James smacked her arm before she could leave and she laughed.
"Oh, Lily," Evelyn gasped when she made her way to the bride's room, "you look stunning."
It was true. The dress was a simple white dress with long sleeves and floral lace over it.
Lily ran over and hugged her best friend.
Evelyn wrapped her arms around her friend and then said, "I came in here to remind you that you that you're crazy for marrying my brother."
Lily chuckled. "Yeah, well, you're related to him, so whose worse off?"
Evelyn barked a laugh as they stopped hugging each other.
"Now hurry up and get changed. We only have a few minutes!"
Evelyn grabbed her dress from the chair she had sat it on before taking off to find her brother, and walked into the bathroom to change. It was a simple green dress, that complimented her eyes and stopped at her knees. It didn't take much effort to change, but she stared at herself in the mirror and wondered if she'd ever be able to ask Lily to wear such a beautiful dress to her wedding-if she ever got married.
Evelyn stood next to Marlene and Mary, Lily's two other closest friend and bride's maids. Across from her stood Sirius, Remus, and Peter. She couldn't help but noticed the pained look on Remus's face and it reminded her of when she had almost gotten him and Lily together, but Remus had chosen his loyalty to James instead.
Lily stood facing James, whose grin spread from ear to ear.
"Do you, James Potter, take this woman to be your wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," he said, his voice filling the church.
"And do you, Lily Evans, take this man to be your husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," Lily's voice was choked as she tried not to cry.
They placed simple gold bands on each other's fingers. Evelyn found she liked the muggle ceremony (done because her extended family had been invited and they did not know about her being a witch nor would it be allowed) and found herself excited for the small magical one that would be held in a few days.
"I now pronounce you man and wife," the minister announced. "You may kiss the bride."
James immediately pulled Lily into a passionate kiss. Cheers came from his side of the gallery, and her parents smiled wide.
Evelyn stood against the wall in the dance hall watching as James and Lily danced their first dance together. He held her close, her head resting on his chest. She was truly happy for them, despite the loneliness in her heart.
"Would you dance with me?"
She saw Sirius Black standing next to her out of the corner of her eye, casually leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Why?"
"Because I thought it would be nice."
"What about Marlene?"
"She and I ended about as quick as we started. She's not you."
Evelyn looked to him, that guilt rising up again. "Sirius, I- "
"Don't worry. I don't expect anything more. I just wanted a dance. But if you don't want to, I won't push it."
She looked back to her brother and best friend as they danced. The music stopped and everyone cheered, chanting for a kiss until James dipped her and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips.
"I guess one dance couldn't hurt," she said as the next song began and others filled the dance floor. Sirius offered her and hand and she took it, following him.
He held her at a comfortable distance as they danced. She'd never given him enough of a chance-so she was pleasantly surprised to find he was a graceful dancer.
"Mum's fault. She wanted me to make sure I wouldn't disgrace her when I got married. I guess the jokes on her, since I disgraced her before that."
Evelyn was still surprised that he could so easily joke about the falling out with his family, the one that had led to him living with her family.
"Why couldn't you give me a chance?" he asked softly, almost uncharacteristically so.
"Sirius- "
"Please, I'm not asking you to give me one. I just want to know why."
She turned away from him, finding Lily and James sitting at a table, laughing and talking with people she assumed to be Lily's family.
"Because even though I shouldn't, I can't stop loving Severus. He's always held my heart. And then there's the part you played in not only how things went down, but just a part of making him so cold and bitter and determined…I can't. I've thought about leaving, moving away. Getting a fresh start, because maybe then I could move past how everything happened, but as it is, you set it up for me to get hurt. Your plan was the cruelest way for me to learn the truth."
It was Sirius's turn to look away, guilt showing in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just didn't like the idea of him using you."
"He might have given me a real chance, or been honest with me, if you guys hadn't had a vendetta against him."
"He started it, he insulted Gryffindor!"
Evelyn raised her eyebrows at him. "Yes, and you escalated it to near daily torment of insults and attacks."
"Why were you even his friend in the first place."
"Because he noticed me where you all were content to ignore me."
"What?"
Evelyn sighed and pulled away from him, leaving the dance floor. She was not surprised when he followed. "What are you talking about, Evie?"
"Don't call me that," she ground out. She hated when he called her that. Lily and Severus were the only two she had allowed to. "And I'm talking about on the train. James ignored me, didn't want me there at all. No one else acknowledged me, except for Severus."
"So, you've been in love with him since you were 11?"
"No! I didn't feel like that for him until third year. And even then, I was trying to suppress it because Lily seemed to be everyone's choice. By sixth year, I couldn't suppress it anymore, and I kissed him. And that's when everything started."
Lily and James walked over to them, and Evelyn stepped away from Sirius by moving to hug her brother and now sister-in-law.
"Congratulations you guys," she said, a smile growing her face.
"Thanks," James said as he pulled away from the hug. "Hey, Sirius, I wanted to talk to you about something."
Sirius followed James as they walked away.
Once alone, Lily asked, "So you and Sirius?"
"Not happening," Evelyn said defensively.
"I understand," Lily said, taking a seat at a nearby table and pulling Evelyn to sit the adjacent chair. "I was thinking you looked more uncomfortable, so James and I thought we'd come rescue you."
"Well thanks."
"What were you two talking about that got you so upset?"
"He wanted to know why I couldn't give him a chance."
"Well, it's not like he's so bad."
"I can't, Lily. And I don't want to discuss it anymore. In fact, I think I just need some air. I'm going to step outside for a moment."
Before getting a response, Evelyn made her way for the door. She was trying to be happy for her brother and best friend, but it was so hard when she was being reminded of the one thing that hurt her more than anything.
The air outside gave her goosebumps almost immediately as the air was considerably chillier without the heat of a hundred or so bodies constantly moving.
She walked down the stairs and sat down on the bottom step, the cool ground seeping through the fabric of her dress.
"Evelyn?"
The voice stopped her heart in its tracks and she jumped to her feet, looking around. She saw the dark figure walk into sight from past the bushes, his black hair shining in the moonlight.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded, though her voice was shaky. "Did you come to say goodbye to your chances with Lily?"
"No," he all but whispered. "I-I-I had hoped to see you."
Adrenaline was coursing through her veins, and she was shaking, a mixture of her emotions and the chilly air.
"Why? Why would you want to see me?"
He stepped closer and she stepped back, moving back up the stairs.
"Evelyn, please, I just want to talk."
A part of her heart and her mind told her to run, to go inside and leave him, not give him a chance to toy with her. But the piece of herself that had never been able to stop loving him, no matter how hard she had tried, told her stay put.
"Evelyn, please. Just, let me at least say what I want to say, and then I'll leave."
A glance back to the building behind her, the music and laughter and joy floating from inside, and her love of him won out.
"Fine."
He seemed to almost deflate in relief.
"I'm sorry, Evelyn. I am so sorry that things went down the way they did. I treated you horribly."
"Yes, you did," she said, the anger of the memory rising back up.
"I know, and I hate myself every day for it. I hated myself every day I was leading you on."
He stepped closer, stopping at the bottom step. "I was going to tell you the truth. I had planned to, because I knew that you deserved the truth, but not the half-truth that your bother and Black exposed to you, but the whole truth."
"I'm waiting."
He sighed, and looked at her, a pain she'd never seen before flickering in his eyes. "I was going to push you away when you kissed me. But Sirius had walked in, and I saw how disturbed he looked, and I couldn't help but kiss you back. And I wanted to tell you I couldn't be with you, but I was so selfish. I had finally found something that got under their skin, and on top of that, it had lessened the hate I received in Slytherin.
"I couldn't help but cling to that. But then I realized that you had known I wasn't putting forth any effort, and I had to change that. I should have ended it there. I should have told you I couldn't. But I didn't, I took it farther than I should have."
He paused and sat down, turning away from her.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Because I couldn't not be selfish. And because I knew that our friendship would likely end the moment you found out. I knew that you were the only friend I had, and I couldn't understand why you were still my friend despite the things I was doing to fit in with my house."
"I knew it was all a front," Evelyn whispered as she stepped down and sat beside him. "I knew that there was more to you than you were showing."
"I wasn't prepared to let go of that," he continued. "I wasn't prepared to lose that, especially after losing Lily. But, it wasn't all fake, Evie."
Her heart skipped at the sound the nickname on his lips.
"I did fall in love with you though. I think I fell in love with you after you helped me successfully become an Animagus. I felt so different in that moment. I wanted to kiss you and lift you in the air and tell you I loved you, and I did, because for once it was all so real.
"I stayed up that whole night, thinking and worrying and wondering what I should do. Because everything had changed. Everything about how I felt about you, how I looked at you, was different. And it was completely different than how I'd ever felt for Lily. It was stronger and…more than anything I felt for her. In that moment, I finally knew what it felt like to truly be in love."
Evelyn glanced back to where Lily was celebrating her happiness.
"The truth is, Evelyn, I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you because I had to tell you that everything had changed. And I was trying to tell that to James when he cornered me, and I tried to explain it to you, but," he stopped, trying to block something. "Seeing the hurt on your face, it broke a piece of me. And I hated myself and I wanted to apologize to you, but there weren't enough words to describe the wrong I did you. And I was a coward. I hid and I stayed quiet. But I can't-I can't let that be how things end between us. You deserve an apology. And I am sorry. And it's not enough, because I did you wrong."
Evelyn's heart was breaking all over again. Not because of the recounting of events. But because she had known Severus better than anyone. And she had noticed something different between them after that moment. He'd been sincerer, and he initiated more kisses, reached for her hand, told her he loved her, more than he had before. Before it had been cold and distant, and very obvious to her that he was trying, but not necessarily succeeding in truly giving her a chance.
"I-"
"I don't expect this to change anything, Evelyn. I didn't come back to win you back. I don't deserve you. And you deserve…so much better. But you did deserve an honest apology."
Her head and her heart were at odds. She loved him still, she always had and was fairly certain she always would. But she had been so hurt, so broken by him using her.
"If James and Sirius hadn't treated you the way they had, would you and I ever have had a real chance?" she asked. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to know, or what she expected him to say, but the question was out there.
"I don't know. I honestly don't know. Maybe?"
She stood up and started towards the door.
"Evelyn, wait," he said, standing up and following her. "I-I-" unable to find the words, he leaned in and kissed her. A soft quick kiss on her lips before looking at her. "I still love you. And I want you to be happy. No matter who you find that happiness with. I hope you find someone who loves you the way you used to love me."
Tears began falling down her face and she wiped them away. "That's just it, Severus. I can't love anyone else, because I'm still in love with you despite everything. No matter how often I tell myself I can't possibly love you, because what you did was wrong, I've never been able to not love you."
"I'm sorry."
"I just-I can't think about this right now, Severus. It's my brother's wedding. My best friend's wedding."
"I know."
"And what you did…It was wrong."
"I know, Evie."
She couldn't stand there anymore. She walked back inside, without a glance over her shoulder.
As she stepped inside, she was grabbed by a girl. "Come on! It's time for the bouquet toss."
Evelyn followed the girl absentmindedly, her mind still on the conversation that had just happened. Without really paying attention, she found herself in the middle of a crowd of girls as Lily turned away from the crowd and then launched her bouquet over her head. The girls around her screamed and lifted their hands into the air, reaching. However the bouquet made its way directly towards Evelyn and she only put her hands up in self-defense, but she caught it nonetheless. The girls around her moaned and groaned. Lily made her way excitedly to Evelyn and embraced her.
"Apparently you're next to be married," Lily teased.
Evelyn gave her friend a half smile, her heart skipping in her chest.
"Lily, how did you know James was right for you?"
"What?"
"You told him you'd rather date the giant squid before you'd ever consider dating him, when he was trying to blackmail you into dating him. And something changed."
He didn't though, Evelyn wanted to say. But at the time, she hadn't cared. He was going after Severus because of the mix of calling Lily a mudblood and the way he'd treated Evelyn.
"But he was awful and you hated him."
"I guess it was what he was willing to do. He changed. And he had come to me and apologized. He blamed himself for Severus saying what he did, even though he was furious at Severus for it. But he felt so guilty for it himself too."
She couldn't imagine James blaming himself for anything. He'd barely understood why she had been mad at him for the scheme he and Sirius had cooked up to expose Severus. And…Merlin, Severus was going to tell her. She knew in her heart it was true. She knew the difference between his sincerity and lies. And outside, he had been sincerer than she ever seen him.
"Lily, I'm not feeling very well," Evelyn lied. "I think I'm going to go home early. Give James a hug for me, okay?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I will be. Just a stomach ache. I'm sorry for leaving early."
Lily only hugged her friend before Evelyn made her way to the door. Once outside, Evelyn saw Severus who had finally begun to walk away and she ran to him. "Severus!"
Her arms were around him as he turned to her and her lips against his before he knew what was happening. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tight. He refused to let go of her, even when she pulled away from the kiss.
"Severus, I still love you. I've never been able to stop. And I'm still hurt and mad at you, but I don't think it's possible for me to love anyone else. You aren't forgiven yet. But I-I can't have you out of my life."
She felt him shudder, and wondered if it was a sob.
"Would-Would you perhaps come over? We can talk?" she asked.
"I-are you sure?"
She nodded as she pressed her head to his chest.
Evelyn woke up, warm and comfortable in her bed, she felt warm skin against hers and remembered the previous night. Things had gone farther than she ever imagined she would go, but as she lay there in his arms, there was a certain level of peace in her that she hadn't felt in a very long time.
They had talked, about everything. And by the end of the night, she had mostly forgiven him. He truly hated himself for what happened. It had felt so right to be back in his arms, feeling his lips against hers, that same jolt of electricity jolting through her with each kiss, just like the first time she kissed him.
She turned to face him, and found him still asleep. It wasn't even dawn yet as no light other than the moon crept into her bedroom, but he looked so peaceful. She nuzzled in closer to him and closed her eyes, falling asleep once more.