Chapter 12 - A - The Chaos and...

Saturday afternoon I went home and checked the place out. It was untouched so I picked up my workout clothes and went to the gym which was my usual routine for Saturdays. I stopped at the store afterwards and picked up some chicken, veggies, and potatoes to make some soup for myself for dinner. I watched an action movie while I ate my dinner, then a horror movie while I had a big strawberry daiquiri for dessert. I also got some laundry done in that time and clean up from dinner. It was such a normal night from what has been my routine for months that it felt very relieving to just be home. No dressing up and going out to the clubs for me anymore, I had found who I was looking for.

He was lying in a hospital bed right now.

I slid under the sheets of my bed holding my little green bear that I had taken from work. It had been such a long time since I had felt the need to cuddle with a stuffed toy at night that it made me smile as I tucked the teddy bear into my chest. Closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep peacefully.

I woke up thinking about him. I tried to pretend I didn't though. Going about my usual routine, like grocery shopping and errands. My mind kept creeping back to the Joker though. Over and over I thought about how badly beaten he was and how he would be recovering for so long and how easily he could have died or could still die. What if he got an infection? It's even highly probable he would.

It was about 3 o'clock in the afternoon when I finally caved and went back to Arkham to go see him. I just kept worrying and maybe if I saw him for a while I could relax for the rest of my day off. I just need to see if he is doing better. I wish I knew what I could do to help him. Right now though he was out of it alot as they do surgeries and tests, and give him pain meds. It's only been two days.

When I got into his room I made sure to wash my hands before touching him. The thought of an infection terrified me. When I turned around to face him at the bed though I felt the tight feeling in my chest relax and allow me to deep a deep breath in. He looked peaceful. The bandages around his face were less and newer and I could see that there was some very good stitch work done with surgical glue and the dissolving kind of stitches. The doctor had made extra certain to leave as little scarring as possible. I understood though, when working on a world class villain's face, you want to please him as much as possible.

His lips were pretty swollen and split in a couple places, the dark red and purple contrasting greatly with his pale skin. His hair was greasy and someone had combed it back smooth so it would be more comfortable and not get on his face. I watched him for a couple minutes, his chest rising and falling and his heart monitor beeping really helped me relax. It felt reassuring he was alive and doing well. But I wanted to talk to his doctor again so I left the room and headed over to the main desk. The two nurses there told me the doctor was on his lunch break and should be in the staff lounge. I headed there, at a relaxed pace because I had no other plans this evening.

I saw him sitting with a pretty nurse at a table. She was talking to him while he chewed his sandwich, nodding during appropriate moments. He saw me come in over her shoulder and stood up quickly. He bumped the table and startled the nurse who turned to see what he was looking at. She frowned at me in my blue jeans and printed tank top, casual dress clothes in Arkham's business conservative atmosphere. He glanced back at her and moved around the table nonetheless, "I will talk to you later Kathy."

He still had his sandwich in his left hand as he used his right to steer me back out of the lounge and into the hallway again, moving towards the East side of the building and the garden outside. Our steps echoed on the floor and he swallowed his bite of sandwich. "Ms. Quinnzel, I was thinking of calling you soon!" He took a moment to wet his mouth after eating and talking while walking. "He is doing remarkably well! His healing seems to be at the top point of physical ability, I am now sure he will make a full recovery." I smiled as we made a turn down one hall. I could tell we were moving towards the garden. It did seem like the place to have a private conversation and not be behind closed doors.

We stepped out onto the earthen path towards the garden and Dr. Feller looked at me, a sparkle in his eye that had more to do with science than with a woman. "It's almost extraordinary, his face looks like it has been almost a week. Not just two days. Which is wonderful, regarding his extensive damage before."

We walked around the low shrubs that made the tiny maze of the garden, gravel paths and different kinds of rose bushes, shrubbery, and miniature maple trees created walls and landscaping. We found a cold stone bench to sit on.

"Have you looked into this chemical you found in his skin?"

The doctor nodded, "Yes! I looked at his hair follicle and the strand of hair specifically. Luckily this chemical has a signature that shows up in his hair, just like certain types of drugs. The oldest part of the hair had incrementally more of the chemical that the newer portion of the hair. As if, it is slowly leaking out of his system over time."

I nodded. "This explains the calmer behavior in the last couple years."

The doctor frowned at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged, "well, I remember when I was younger that it seemed like the Joker was on the news like once a week at least. That Batman was almost too busy with him to catch other guys. My mom would avoid Gotham during those times because she was afraid to run into a battle."

He nodded. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, ruminating on what we had learned from each other.I felt quite bored with myself suddenly, deciding that why he was the way he was isn't important right now. That understanding him is really what matters. Then Harleen had an idea.

"Hey, Doctor Feller?"

He gave me his attention.

"I have been really stressed out since my home was broken into twice this year. You think you could write me a prescription for some Valium?" he looked at me surprised, "two breaks ins in one year?" I nodded, thinking. "Make it three times if you count the cops who came and beat me up."

Now he was astounded. "That's why you had all those bruises! God, I had wondered. Kathy told me your husband beats you." I shook my head, "I'm not married, and I don't date. Nope, I was beaten by pigs with guns."

He nodded again and pulled his little Rx notepad from his pocket and wrote up the prescription. "Sure Doctor Quinnzel, sure. Just remember to eat, get sleep, and don't up your dose." I nodded to him and took the piece of paper from him.

I stood up and he followed my lead. We walked out of the gardens, said our goodbyes.

After my back was turned towards him and I made my way around the building my face broke out into a grin. I had no intention of following the prescription guidelines. I didn't feel stressed from my break ins, may be justly paranoid. I had wanted the pills to have a little fun with my life. So I went in and picked my prescription up and went to the lounge and got some snacks and headed into my office. I took a valium with some iced coffee and relaxed, watching a movie on my smart phone.

An hour later I left, driving home on the back roads. The trip was a blurr and when I got home I didn't remember parking. I also didn't seem to have the attention span to care. Instead I put on some music and opened my curtains and danced around. Enjoying people seeing me from across the street as they walked by. I enjoyed the idea of the public shock, enjoyment, lust or disapproval of me. I didn't care about them though, I wanted to dance, so I did. When I was done I decided I wanted to go see the ocean. Grabbing my purse and a jacket I headed out the door and down to the garage. I saw my car parked and when I got close I saw that I had driven into the wall abit and crunched my bumper a few inches. A memory flashed back to me giggling when I did it. Nonetheless, I got into the car and headed towards the ocean which was only about a twenty minute drive from my apartment. Gotham had some nice beaches just outside the city proper and I felt the need for sand in my toes.

On the way I stopped at a liquor store and picked up a bottle of Jack and Coke before heading to the beach. I wrapped myself up in my jacket and to a long walk down the shore. By the time I was feeling very buzzed I was able to find a nice little spot to sit out of the wind and relax between two rocks. I watched the other people who came to the beach today. Families with small children, people walking their dogs, others exercising in windbreakers.

I little girl with wispy blonde hair just like mine spotted me between the rocks and ran towards me. "Hey!" She said. Her little bare feet leaving a trail behind for her parents to follow. They were focused on her toddling brother near the water. "Why are you here all alone? Are you hiding?" He adorable little voice asked me with simple curious eyes. She could have been my little girl, we looked so much alike, she could be me. Her question hit me right in the chest, because she was right. I am hiding.

I ran away from my past by going to college and to Gotham. I am trying to find reasons why my life was so awful by working at Arkham Asylum. Maybe I am interested in the Joker because he could be a man who doesn't expect me to be a perfect lady doll like all the others. I am hiding my real brutal reality from myself, by sitting here at the beach.

"Oh!" She exclaimed in dismay. "Don't cry!"

I blinked and felt warm tears spill down my cheeks. The emotion had risen so quickly that it caught me off guard, I was crying before I knew it. I shook my head. "I'm sorry." She smiled wryly at me, clearly understanding more than her scant years afforded her. "When I cry, my mommy hugs me and I feel better. Wanna hug?" She opened her arms to me.

It choked me up real bad, seeing this little blonde angel open her arms to me. It's as if some kind ghost of myself came to comfort me. I nodded while more tears gushed out of my eyes and I hugged the girl close. Her little body was warm in my arms and I pressed my cheek to her shoulder and sniffled. He arms squeezed me, pouring out compassion for me from her little heart. I turned five years old again in a flash, my life had been so dark and painful, my childhood innocence taken away before I could ever understand what was happening to me. This little angel was giving me love and understanding, and with my whole heart I wished that she stayed happy and blessed as she is right now in this moment with me.

"Abby!" I heard a yell from a woman. "Abby! Get over here now!" I blinked away tears to see a woman running towards us, her mother. The little girl gently let me go, slowly using her tiny fingers to brush the tears from my cheeks. "I gotta go now, don't cry anymore okay?" She petted my head like a dog, then turned to look back at her mother. Who had a horrified expression on her face as she came up to us.

"Abby! I told you not to talk to strangers! What were you thinking!" The mother shouted at her little girl once she was close enough. Abby just looked at her mom, "the lady was all alone, she needed a hug." Like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe kindness is obvious to a pure soul of a child. The woman picked up Abby and swung her onto her hip and glared at me menacingly. I didn't take her protective instincts personally. I would probably do the same thing.

So I smiled at the woman. "You have a little angel there, keep her safe okay?" I said softly to the woman, swiping at a stray tear that leaked out again. Now the woman really looked at me, seeing the pain written on my face. She nodded and turned away, the little girl waved to me as she was carried away. I waved back until she couldn't see me anymore.

I didn't touch my bottle again, and let myself sober up. I tried to throw my thoughts away and stay empty like a shell, listening to the ocean's rhythm and the gulls flying over head. The sunset and I walked back to my car in the dark, like a ghost wandering the beach.

But this ghost drove her car home in silence, unlocked the door and pulled on pyjamas. I knew that this coming week would be mostly normal and boring for me. It sounded to reliving, because I just couldn't take anymore excitement.

My week was very normal and busy, visits with my patients went particularly well. Between miscellaneous duties that were given to me, paperwork, and visits I also checked in on the Joker frequently. Only a few times he was awake or semi-coherent. I made sure to check his chart and with the nurses verbally to make sure all his medications were normal. When I go home at night I think about him, I dream about him. I keep trying to convince myself that I am just infatuated and don't really love him. I also tell myself to cut the crap, ever since I met the Joker my life has revolved around him like the moon. I had a duty though, to give him good mental health care and try to relieve his suffering.

On Friday I pulled into work and slammed on my breaks in the middle of the parking lot shocked to see a certain large black combat vehicle parked in front of the entrance. I stared at it, looking so unusual compared to all the sedans and minivans in the parking lot. His combat vehicle looked like a snarling rottweiler with a spiked collar, like it would bite you if you stepped too close to it. Like he was a hunter, here to find his prey. I came out of my shock, pulled into a parking space, shoved my purse into my armpit and ran inside the building. Right towards my Joker's hospital room, frantically thinking that the dark hero had come to finish the job. When I scanned my pass into the hospital wing I barely waited for the doors to crack open before I rushed through and into his room.

To find it empty except for him. He was sleeping still, probably because of some drug they put in his IV, knowing that he would be hard to handle awake. Better to just keep him sleeping for a week straight. I felt like the prince waiting for sleeping beauty to wake up. Not knowing she is under a spell, just waiting for the moment those eyes open. His room was quiet and white and stark. The constant quiet beeping of his machines showing the passage of time. I turned back and went out of his room and to the main desk of the hospital section. After a minute one of the nurses came out and greeted me. I asked her where the Dark Knight was, she didn't know what I was talking about. I wondered what the hell he was around for if not to kill the Joker.

I sat down in a chair in his room and let myself calm down, feeling my heartbeat slow. A few deep breathes and I felt better again. Then there was a beep and I could hear the doors of the medical wing open up. I stood up to see who it was and went to the door way. Sure enough it was Dr. Lisbon with the Dark Knight. They were talking to each other and walking towards the room. I felt my anger and frustration boil up inside me, Dr. Lisbon was his way into this place. I had known, but seeing them walk so casually in here just pissed me off.

They finally noticed me, blocking the doorway, looking very much the doctor with my glasses and lab coat over my business casual skirt and blouse.

"I'm not letting you touch him!" I yelled at them from just a few feet away, now that I had gotten their attention. Lisbon frowns at me and stops, Batman instantly takes a solid fighting stance, his chest thrust towards me. Both of them treated my like a threat, and I took advantage of it.

"He's perfectly harmless right now and I am not going to let anyone come in and fuck with him! Attacking an injured man is wrong no matter who it is, or the reason why." I put one hand on my hip and the other across the doorway.

"I am going to go in that room." The dark Knight growled at me. I shook my head. "No, you're not." He stepped towards me and I kicked him in the chest when he got too close, putting him on his ass on the linoleum floor. Lisbon was completely shocked, stepping away from the both of us. Batman stood up and made a grab for me, I dodged him and punched him in the eye. I felt the crunch as one of my knuckles broke on the edge of his mask. The pain flared through my arm, but my focus was on stopping him from getting to my Puddin. I missed his lunge and he punched me in the gut. My abs tightened around his fist and the shock and air came out of me. My whole center radiated pain and cramping and I went to my knees as I gasped for breath. He moved around me into the doorway and I desperately clutched his leg and pulled, tripping him and he went to his knees too. "Stop it Doctor."

"You can't kill him! Fuck you! Fuck...you!" I yelled at him while he struggled to shake me off.

"I'm not going to kill him." I shook my head, "Then why the fuck are you here? He's not even awake!" His foot hit my gut again and my arms went weak and he pulled away and stood up.

It was quiet a moment and then the Dark Knight spoke, "sure about that doctor?" I looked up at him, so dark and foreboding in the stark white hospital room. He looked like a heavily muscled grim reaper. He looked down at me on the floor and then bent to lend me a hand. He effortlessly pulled me from the floor and turned me towards the bed, hold my arms to my sides. Being manhandled would usually piss me off, but seeing my Puddin's bright blue eyes peering at me made my heart stop a beat.

"Oh!" I said incredulously. My face breaking into a smile. "Hi Puddin!" His eyes had moved to Batman now, widening with obvious worry. The hands on my arms tried to pushed me out of the way but I planted my feet. "I'm not moving! You can not get between me and my patient!" I yelled at him obnoxiously. We struggled as he tried to move me and I wouldn't let him. Twisting around to stay between him and the Joker, I yelled him him more. "You can't just come in here and do whatever you want! You need to check in as a visitor! His doctor needs to see him! Security! Security!" I was causing a big scene, but I was really terrified that Batman would try to hurt him again. He finally just picked me up and tried to throw me out of the room, but I clung to and kicked him at the same time. Throwing him off balance and he fell to his knees, I kept kicking and punching him even while I was sliding to the floor.

"You are a pain in the ass Doctor!" he yelled at me while trying to catch my fists and make me stop hitting him. I wasn't doing much damage against him armor, but it was keeping him distracted from the Joker. "Thanks! Now stay away from my patient!" I screeched and clawed him on the face like a cat. He reared back and his fist came hurtling towards me. He caught me on the side of my head and my whole world shut off. Batman knocked my lights out.