As the Stars Blur in a Drunken Haze

Every Friday for five months, April to September, 26 meetings, excluding their last one, about three hours every time. They had spent about 78 hours with each other, a little over three days. Piper's life wasn't a Disney movie, clearly, so how could she love Alex? How had she developed such strong feelings for a person she had only technically spent three days with? She took a deep breath, taking a big gulp of the fine whiskey she only pulled out when Sam visited. He would never take another sip of the disgusting liquid again, not in her house. She would personally see to it that the liquid fire was long gone before he would even consider visiting. The blonde was so fed up with his bullshit, with his sexist remarks and his misogynistic ways. He was always dropping comments that he masked as jokes or whatever, but he had a deeply rooted hate for women and it showed. It showed so much and Piper just wanted to smack his stupid fucking face in with a bat.

It was Friday again and Larry was away, like always, writing on his book. Piper was happy for him, she was, but she also envied him for having a hobby that didn't include heavy drugs and pining after an unachievable woman. He, of course, was also lusting after a woman he couldn't get, but he didn't know that, especially as they were supposed to be getting married soon. He could never get her heart, but he could get her hand. She, on the other hand, could never get Alex's hand. That was not how things worked. The raven haired woman had her heart and Piper had hers, but there would never be more than that, they would never be more than that, never more than two people who could never be together. Woop-di-fucking-do. The only person happy about this arrangement would be Mr. Healy, the big dictator of an adviser. Fuck him and fuck his plans. She downed the whiskey, slamming the glass down on the table and refilled it. Ten more minutes before she would rip her heart out and put it in a glass jar for Sam fucking Healy to see when he visited next time. Alex's heart would be ripped out too, but the blonde hoped that she would be able to pick it up and sow it to its rightful place again. Alex's heart wasn't hers to destroy. She had no right. God, she hoped that she wouldn't shred it completely.

There was a knock on the door, a very ordinary occurrence in her otherwise chaotic life. It was almost like a mockery, a taunting reminder that the world continued like usual even if she was in despair. Piper didn't even answer, wasn't in the mood for insults and that door's very existence was just that at the moment; an insult. If she thought about how ridiculous that statement was, she didn't show it. John entered the room without being told he was allowed to, looking like he weighed his words carefully before speaking. Good man, that John. He didn't need permission as he had practically been her babysitter since Tuesday. The best and worst Tuesday of her life.

"Your coffee delivery is here, ma'am." His voice sounded unsure and Piper could tell that he was uncomfortable. The blonde shifted where she sat on the sofa, deciding that standing up was the better option. John closed the door and took a few steps further into the room, making her swallow nervously. She was very obviously drunk, seeing as she swayed back and forth like a pendulum, and while John wasn't the kind of person to judge, Piper wasn't one to be drunk for business meetings.

"Ma'am, if I may speak freely?" She gave the man a curt nod despite not wanting him to speak at all.

"I strongly advice you to think over this. It's just a matter of time before someone gets a hold of your secret meetings and it's not hard to figure out what you're doing." The words were harsh, but spoken softly. The blonde wasn't sure if she wanted to hug the man or hit him.

"I know what I'm doing," she slurred, getting defensive even if she actually intended to stop her weekly meetings with the raven haired woman. Also, what exactly had her guard found out? John stepped closer to her, looking almost teary eyed. Or was it Piper who was teary eyed? She wasn't sure.

"Ms. Chap- Piper. There are other ways to deal with depression. Drugs is not the only way out. If anything, it's the way down." The man before her spoke calmly, pedagogically, sounding like he was genuinely scared for her sake. The use of her first name was also a strong indicator that he cared for her. The blonde wet her lips, at a loss of words. She wanted to promise that she would never use drugs again, but she didn't want to tell John something she wasn't sure if she could keep. Piper turned around, facing away from her guard.

"Please, just send her in," she said, voice breaking mid-sentence. A thick silence lay heavy in the room before she heard footsteps leading away from her, the sharp click of a door being opened and more footsteps, other shoes, high heels. Alex had entered the room and the blonde wanted to turn around and take in the other woman's beauty, memorize everything while she still could. Instead, she clenched her jaws, fighting back the tears that threatened to escape, back still turned to the door. There was another click and those footsteps again, getting closer and closer. Piper was screaming on the inside, wanting Alex to come to her senses and just leave. How could she reject the only person she had ever loved?

"Hey," the other woman whispered, standing too close and too far away. The blonde couldn't answer, tongue feeling like a brick in her mouth, dry and heavy. She was piss drunk, but felt way too sober for the coming conversation.

"I get that you're busy and all, but a text would've been great." Alex chuckled, masking the hurt poorly. Piper turned her face downward, staring intently on the floorboards in front of her. Of course the other woman was hurting. She'd been left naked on a bed with no clue to where Piper had gone. Had she waited for her to return, only to be disappointed when she didn't even receive a phone call?

"Talk to me, Piper," she demanded, trying to disguise the sadness in the voice with anger. Maybe it would be easier if she just ignored the other woman completely. It would certainly be easier for Alex to move on if she hated Piper. The blonde felt her heart break just a little more at that thought. The raven haired woman inhaled deeply, breath wavering slightly.

"Did I do something wrong?" Alex sounded weak, like she would burst into tears any second. Piper turned around so fast that she nearly tripped on her own feet, head throwing her in for a loop. She had to steady herself by grabbing the back of the sofa.

"No!" the blonde exclaimed, putting a stop to those thoughts immediately. There was a small crease between the other woman's eyebrows and maybe a hint of tears in her eyes. The blonde hated herself for being the cause of this. It looked like Alex hadn't slept for days. Neither had Piper, too busy drinking and digging a metaphorical hole for her to die in. She'd had countless nights with pity parties where only she was invited, countless as in two nights.

"Don't think that for even a second," she continued, whispering this time. If she slurred, the other woman didn't mention it. Alex's mouth opened slightly and she looked so helpless, so lost. God, Piper wanted to kiss that mouth. She wanted to kiss her and tell her that they would find a way to be together, that they would be okay. She didn't. Only stayed silent as the raven haired woman's face crumbled further.

"Then what's wrong?" She moved closer, making the blonde back up a step or two. Alex closed her mouth and clenched her jaws, gaze harder than before.

"You have to talk to me if we're gonna work this out. I wanna work this out." Piper could have turned around again, hiding the tears that welled up in her eyes, but she didn't. She stood still, but lowered her gaze, cheeks getting stained by watery beads. The only thing she did nowadays was crying, it felt like. The skin around her eyes was even red and sore, having been rubbed constantly for three days straight. She shook her head and furrowed her eyebrows, more tears spilling.

"Hey," Alex said, drawing out the vowel. She walked closer and before Piper could turn away, her hand was on the blonde's cheek, thumb wiping away a tear. The other woman forced her head up in a gentle motion, gazing into bloodshot blue, worry and perplexity evident in her eyes. The blonde leaned into the soft touch, regretting her decision right away. It showed that she cared, that whatever came out from her mouth next would be a lie. She was a good liar, but not now, not when the raven haired woman stood so close to her with her heart on display.

"I don't want this. This is disgusting," she said, heart cold. If she moved, it would break, scatter into smithereens as it was just a thin shell of ice. It was no longer her heart. Her heart had died three days ago. Alex's hand stiffened, fell to her side, and Piper couldn't tear her eyes away from the fatal car crash in front of her. The other's face crumbled, looking unsure and so, so hurt. She wanted to take it back, but if the raven haired woman could just hate her, everything would work, everything would... it would be for the better. Alex had become blue, just like the rest of her life. The fiery woman looked at her with empty eyes, her bright orange and red flame now a dying blue. She suddenly furrowed her eyebrows, eyes hard and aggressive as she wet her lips, ready to fire a salve of bullets. The blue fire grew into a red hot flame, burning the blonde as she stood too close.

"Are you kidding me?" she spat. "Are you fucking kidding me?" The raven haired woman looked to the side for a second, shaking her head before turning back to her again. She did that thing where she shifted her focus between Piper's eyes, looking for something, answers maybe. The blonde would have wanted answers too if the roles had been reversed.

"You are such a bad fucking liar, Piper," she said harshly, the slight waver in her voice giving away uncertainty. The blonde felt as if she was stuck between a brick wall and a car driving against it with full throttle, being crushed completely. All her organs were pushed up into her throat and all she wanted to do was to puke. She had to keep a straight face, though. She had to keep up the pretense.

"It's not a lie," she said, letting the acid words grow more poisonous. "What we are doing- were doing- it's not gonna happen again. I just wanted to try, nothing more. It was just a bad idea. You were a mistake." The words leaving her mouth sounded so foreign to her, like it was a recording, but with her voice. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, a blue taste. Blue lungs, blue breath, blue words and everything hurt. Alex hurt. The other woman's mouth opened, a humorless laughter leaving it.

"I was a mistake? That's fucking rich." Another short laugh. "Piper, you are the mistake, present tense."

"But hey, don't worry. Mistakes belong to the past, right, so you'll never fucking see me again." There was a quick quirk to the other woman's eyebrow, as if to punctuate her words, before she turned on her heels and walked to the door. The steps echoed between the walls, sound scarring her eardrums, creating unwanted memories by simply resonating in the room, etching the jarring noise of Alex leaving into her brain. She didn't even glance back before exiting the room, leaving Piper alone with her self-created snow storm. The blonde felt like she was on a glacier, stuck under snow from a previous avalanche. She had screamed at the top of her lungs only to be buried by the cold mass now surrounding her body. It was self inflicted and she couldn't wait for the oxygen to run out, suffocating in self loathing. Piper felt both sober and drunk at the same time. Sober enough to fully take in what had just happened, but drunk enough to fall to the floor with the room spinning around her. She shut her eyes to shut out the nauseating motion, seeing stars before her instead. Stars speeding by her so fast that they looked more like stripes on a black night sky, blurred together as to prevent her from making more wishes. She was on a rocket ship, on her way to the moon. But it didn't stop. It just kept driving and driving and driving, making her sick again. When she opened her eyes, she found that she was laying down on her back. Her face was wet and she couldn't tell if she was crying again or if she was sweating. She was cold, her whole body like an ice sculpture, but she also felt like she was burning up, melting. Neither was numbing. The scorching heat burned her skin off and the ice turned her limbs into black, frostbitten flesh. The organs had started malfunctioning, lungs too weak to expand, heart now shattered into a million pieces, brain a mess of what ifs. Her body was dying with her sanity, nothing would be left whole. And yet her heart would still pump blood through her veins, chanting Alex's name with every beat. People say that life's a blessing, but to her, it was a constant reminder of everything she had ever done wrong. She did Alex so wrong and now she was forced to live with it. Piper allowed herself to cry again, tears running down her face like rivers. To hell with restrictions, she hadn't had any for the last five months anyway. Where had she gone so fucking wrong? When had she taken a wrong turn? When she tried to recollect her steps, all she could see was a man's face, framed by gray hair, but she couldn't blame Sam for her own faults. Sure, he was a big part of her decision-making, but she had chosen to be an asshole herself. If only she could pinpoint the exact moment everything went south and if only she could go back in time to prevent everything from happening. She didn't want to hurt anymore. Piper put her arm over her eyes, trying to shield herself from reality.

There was a tentative knock on the door.

She heard footsteps coming closer, not Alex's footsteps. Someone sat down beside her, pulling her into an attempted embrace. The blonde melted into the other person's arms, knowing full well that it was John's. He hushed her and stroke her back, rocking her back and forth as if she was a baby.

"I'm sorry," she cried, not knowing why she apologized. John just kept hushing her, comforting her.

"You'll be okay. We can fix this. We can fix you," he whispered. Piper shook her head. He couldn't fix her, she couldn't fix her, hell, even God couldn't fix her. She kept sobbing, kept mumbling apologizes into the man's chest, still not knowing what she was apologizing for, or rather, why she was apologizing to the wrong person. Or maybe she had done bad by John too, treated him wrong somehow. There was a lot she had done wrong in the past months, the past years even, and now she was paying for all of it. Everything came crashing down and she hadn't even told Larry about anything yet. There was more to come for her and she had to prepare for impact, but it felt impossible. She had broken every bone in her body and had them removed, ripped from her while newly crushed. How could she take another hit when she was already fractured and torn to pieces, spread out with no chance of recovery? It was something that needed to happen, though, something to make things right. She needed to suffer to make amends, to restore the universe's balance and take responsibility for the pain she had caused and was about to cause. Her body lay limp against John's, shaking under his gentle hand. He kept stroking her back in a comforting manner, but it didn't help. It was better that way, better to be reminded of her demolished everything.

She was just a broken mosaic with a fading blue.

AN: This, my lovlies, was the last chapter of Blue Pieces of a Broken Mosaic. I want to thank you all for leaving such lovely reviews and thank you all for following and favoriting. I know that it's short, but this was the plan all along. You might be disappointed, but I may or may not write a sequel. Don't hold your breath, though.

Again, thank you so much for reading this short little fic. As always;

All the love. xx