We have come to the final chapter in this story, and before I go any further into this note, I feel like I should state the fact that this chapter is like 99% M-RATED.

Okay, so I originally had a way different ending for this story, and I ultimately decided against it because no matter what you take away from reading this, I wrote it with the idea of growth, and getting through something really shitty in mind. And yes, this chapter does seem slightly unconventional, but from personal experience, healing is unconventional, and its messy, and it doesn't make any sense, and that was really what I wanted to portray throughout this entire story (which will be a series), but especially in this chapter. Nothing is black and white, and nothing happens the way that it should, or that people expect it to.

Anyway, I think that's enough of my rambling for now. Here is the final chapter of For You, sequel to begin – honestly probably by the end of this week, I already have plans for it… Thank you for coming on this journey with me, it definitely was a long one *glares at two-year hiatus*

Okay, I'm actually done now – go read the chapter.

Twenty-One

Ziva smiled softly as she rested on her knees over top of Tony. She dropped down, letting her hands rest beside Tony's head as her curly hair fell like a curtain around them.

She leaned in to kiss Tony passionately, pushing her tongue into his mouth. His hands came up to rest on her back, pulling her closer to him. He groaned when he felt his erection brushing against her hot, wet centre.

Ziva smiled into the kiss when she heard Tony's groan and she pushed her hips down harder against him, playing with her own clit, before pulling away completely. Tony's fingers dug into her hips, attempting to pull her back down.

"Patience, Tony… we will get there." Ziva whispered in his ear.

Tony's breathing quickened as Ziva's tongue danced around the shell of his ear. She took a moment to suck his earlobe between her teeth. Tony gasped, and his hips bucked when she bit down gently.

"Ziva please." He whined.

Ziva chuckled lowly and reached between them, running her fingertips along his hardened member teasingly. She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before sitting up once again, giving Tony a complete view of her front.

He rested his hands on her hips, his fingers gripping her tightly as she lifted herself up and sank down onto him, her lean muscles flexing.

Ziva's eyes fluttered shut and her hands rested flat on his chest to steady herself as she felt him inside her. She shuddered when their hips met. She waited a moment, letting her body get accustomed to his size before she began to move. She tugged her bottom lip between her teeth as she swirled her hips, loving the feeling of being filled by him. She whimpered when his hips shot up against hers and –

Ziva's eyes flew open and she bolted upright in the bed, panting.

Tony felt her jump beside him and he opened his eyes. He sat up when he realized what was happening in front of him.

"Ziva?" He asked softly.

She turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Ziva nodded silently, trying to get her breathing back under control.

"Can I touch you?" Tony asked her.

She shook her head no, but reached out her hand, silently begging him to take it. She was shaking.

Tony grasped her hand firmly in his and ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Everything's alright Zi, it's just us." He told her softly.

He wished he could just pick her up and hold her against him, and try to make her feel safe, but he figured if she had just woken from a nightmare that was the worst thing he could do. So, he took what she offered him – her hand, and tried to bring her back in other ways.

Ziva sat still for… she didn't even know how long, trying to process what she had been dreaming about. Finally, she looked over at Tony with tear tracks running down her cheeks.

Tony brought his free hand up to wipe her tears.

"What happened princess?" He asked softly.

Ziva closed her eyes and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder as a fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

Tony took this as his cue to do exactly what he had wanted. He pulled Ziva into his lap and wrapped them both in the blankets. He sat quietly with her, alternating between talking to her, telling her everything was going to be okay, and pressing light kisses to her forehead as he rocked her.

Ziva slowly calmed down and her breathing returned to normal as she rested her full weight against Tony. He noticed that she had almost stopped shaking, but he didn't want to stop holding her.

"Wanna talk about it?" Tony asked her softly.

Ziva shrugged. "Yes and no." She said simply.

"Nightmare?" Tony asked.

Ziva shook her head. "Actually, no." She told him.

Tony looked down at her. "You wake up crying and shaking and it wasn't a nightmare?" He asked.

Ziva nodded. "It was a sex dream." She informed him. "A good one."

Tony nodded, although he was still confused. "Okay." He said, giving her the chance to further explain.

"It was really good." She told him. "You were in it."

"Why were you crying?" He asked.

Ziva shrugged. "Not because I was scared. I think it was because I wasn't scared. That was… that was the first dream I've had like that since before Saleem." She said quietly.

Tony nodded, understanding. "You were shocked that it could still feel good." He said.

Ziva nodded. "I hadn't expected it. I have not really even thought about sex since…" She told him.

She raised her eyes to meet his gaze. Tony smiled softly and kissed her forehead.

"Every time I tried to…" She trailed off, feeling slightly embarrassed, and Tony began to rub her back, interested in what she was saying.

"You can say it Zi, it's just me." Tony reminded her.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck, like she was trying to anchor herself to him before she floated away into her thoughts.

"When I first started therapy, I was going three or four days a week. Lilian got to know me, very well, and one day she asked me if I was in a relationship or if I had… had sex since I got back." Ziva paused and took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I told her I wasn't, and I hadn't, but I wasn't really comfortable with trying it, or with my body anymore. I felt disconnected. Like I was floating above myself most of the time." She told Tony.

Tony nodded. "I understand that." He said softly.

Ziva kissed his cheek softly. "I wish you didn't." She said quietly. "Lilian suggested that I try and… I do not remember how she said it, but her basic idea was to try and almost reclaim my body as my own, she suggested touching myself, and getting to know my body again."

Tony watched her carefully as she told him what she had been going through. He could feel her starting to shake again and he held her against him a bit tighter.

"What happened?" He asked gently.

Ziva shrugged. "I tried it, and every time I tried I just felt… so many things, panic, pain, disgust, fear… I didn't feel like I could ever be myself again. I thought that touching myself or being touched like that would only ever bring me pain." She said.

Tony kissed her forehead softly and wiped tears from her cheeks.

"How long ago was that?" He asked.

"A few months."

"A few months can make a pretty big difference." Tony said simply. "What are you thinking right now?"

Ziva thought for a moment before shaking her head. "I liked it, the dream I mean. It felt…" She trailed off, biting her lip as the dream played through her mind, sending a shiver down her spine. "It felt amazing." She realized.

Tony smiled brightly. He was incredibly, almost unbelievably happy for her.

"I felt like myself." Ziva told him. "I still do now actually, like I could truly be at peace with it someday." She said, looking up at him.

Tony smiled down at her and she threaded her hand through his hair, pulling him down to kiss him softly, with more emotion than she had ever felt with anyone else.

She pulled away a moment later and rested her head back on Tony's shoulder.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"For what?" Tony asked.

Ziva shrugged. "You were in the dream, you have had such a huge impact on my life, ever since I met you, but especially now. You have helped me be me again." She told him.

Tony smiled and hugged her tightly. "Glad I could be of assistance."

Ziva laughed lightly before falling silent once more, perfectly content to just rest with Tony for the time being.

Tony smiled softly, resting his cheek against Ziva's forehead. "Can I ask you something?"

Ziva looked up at him. "Of course."

Tony hesitated for a moment, before speaking quietly. "What happened in your dream?"

Ziva lifted her head off his shoulder slowly, slightly surprised that he would want to hear it. "What do you want to know?" She asked.

Tony shrugged. "Whatever you want to tell me." He said, as had become his standard answer. "Everything."

"Are you sure?" Ziva asked. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, or give him the idea that she wanted sex from him now, just because.

Tony nodded. "Yeah. It might be nice to think about it in a positive way for a while."

Ziva thought about it for a moment. "You can tell me to stop." She told him.

Tony nodded. "I know." He assured her.

Ziva smiled softly, leaning forward to kiss his jaw. "Well," she began. "We were both very, very naked, and I was on top of you. I was teasing you, and your grip on my hips as you tried to pull me to you was… delicious."

Tony smiled, watching her as she described the dream, her cheeks flushed, and her breathing quickened. She was enjoying herself.

"Is that it?" Tony asked.

Ziva shook her head no. "I could feel you pressing up against me, and the feeling I had, I had not felt in a very long time. I wanted you. I needed to feel you. And I did…" She trailed off, her body tensing slightly.

"And?" Tony asked.

"And it was amazing." She said, reiterating her statement from earlier.

Tony rubbed her back gently, and she pulled away from him, but didn't move off his lap. He let go of her immediately, holding his hands up.

Ziva shook her head. "No, it's alright." She told him, reaching out to bring his hands back to her body. "I am okay. I'm just not used to… feeling like this anymore. It's odd." She said as she rested back against him.

Tony nodded. "Good odd or bad odd?" He asked.

She looked up at him. "Definitely good." She smiled softly and rested her hand back on his cheek.

Tony smiled and pulled her tighter against him. He leaned down to kiss her softly. Ziva pulled away a moment later and rested her forehead against Tony's, breathing heavily.

"I need a cold shower." Ziva said, laughing lightly.

Tony smiled. "That's good."

Ziva nodded. She rested her head back on his shoulder. "Are you alright?" She asked. She didn't want him to be uncomfortable.

"Don't worry about me." Tony told her softly. "I'll tell you if I'm not."

Ziva nodded. "Alright."

"Can you do something for me?" Tony asked.

"Of course." Ziva said, looking up at him.

"Will you set up an appointment with Lillian for me? For a referral?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva looked up at him. "Yes, if that is what you want. If you are sure." She said, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck gently.

Tony nodded. "I want to."

Ziva turned her head to kiss his shoulder softly. "I will call in the morning."

Tony tightened his grip on his partner, trying to pull her as close as he could. Ziva's hand rested on his cheek gently.

"It will be okay Tony. Everything will work out. It might take a while, I will not lie to you, but we will be okay." She told him.

Tony nodded silently. He didn't even know how to begin to prepare himself for what was to come. He was terrified at the prospect of his attackers going to trial and having to tell everyone what they had done to him. He was scared of going back to work, he didn't even know when that could happen. Fast movements made him jump, and loud noises terrified him. He wasn't sure how he would deal with possibly having to fight a suspect, and what if they got on top of him? What would he do then? Nothing?

He heard Ziva talking to him, and felt her thumb moving over his cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He asked, looking down at her.

"I said you will always be welcome with me." She told him. "And I will always be here for you."

Tony smiled at this thought. "I know. And I'll be here for you… even when you don't want me to be."