"Spock!"

"Captain?"

"Bones just let slip that you planned to leave Enterprise!"

"..."

"Don't deny it, Spock, you were, weren't you?! You were going to leave!"

"Affirmative, Captain."

"So you were?! All because you and Nyota broke up?"

"I believe you ordered me not to deny the accusation, sir."

"Don't give me that, and drop the ''sir''. You were going to leave- the ''more or less'' at my birthday party was you deciding not to leave because you and Nyota got back together."

"...Incorrect, Captain."

"..."

"My previous plans to leave the Enterprise were caused by various factors; only a small one being the state of relations between me and Lieutenant Uhura. However, over the course of the previous week it has come to my knowledge that you were also planning to leave the ship. Consequently, your emotional outburst at my own plans for doing so would appear to be rather hypocritical."

"Hey, I had a good reason! My father- it's- well- it's complicated, but I had a damned good reason, Spock!"

"As I did, too, Captain. I am sure that I need not remind you of Ambassador Spock."

"Oh. Oh."

"Indeed, sir."

"So you left Nyota, because you thought you should-"

"In order to ensure the continuation of the Vulcan race, it was and still is only logical that all its surviving members procreate with one another."

Kirk sighed.

"Did you even give Nyota a chance to respond, or did you just leave her a note?"

"Lieutenant Uhura- whilst extremely competent and professional- is first and foremost a human being. Thus, I predicted that her emotional reaction to the end of our romantic relationship to be negative with or without a coherent explanation."

Kirk sighed again. It was going to be a long afternoon.

"You know, Spock, I don't know much about Vulcan birds and bees, but did you never get a lesson on human biology?"

"Illogical, Captain, as my human ancestry is dominated by that of my Vulcan genetics."

"Why am I not surprised? Alright then, Spock, clear your schedule for the rest of the day."

"I believe that today is my day off, sir."

"Great then we'll start now. Tell me Spock, have you ever heard the word polyamory?"