At first Shizuo wasn't interested. He really wasn't. How was Izaya acting like a cat supposed to be sexy? It's not like he wanted to fuck a cat, so what was the appeal? Sure, he could grudgingly admit that the flea in some kitty ears would be…ugh, cute-ish. And yeah, maybe he did like it when Izaya covered his cock in tiny, teasing licks sometimes. And fine. The idea of Izaya squirming in his lap making high-pitched little mewling sounds might be kinda nice or a little hot but so what? Having his (sort of) boyfriend act like his cat for an afternoon was fucking stupid.

Not at all appealing. Nope.

He is still unsure why he came home to find Izaya stretched over the couch in nothing but his fur coat, some inky black kitty ears, a matching tail, and a red collar that looked way too expensive for any cat.

Shizuo is instantly on edge, closing the door behind him so hard that the room shakes. Izaya turns to look at him with wide eyes and a Cheshire cat grin, but only blinks at him in greeting.

Oh, that's right. Cats can't talk. Shizuo admits one more positive thing about this to himself.

He removes his shoes at the front door and takes a few deep breaths before walking in, unsure if he's pissed, excited, nervous, or some unsettling combination. He can feel Izaya's creepy, unblinking stare on him as he empties his pockets onto kitchen table.

Shizuo decides that just because the little shit want to be a cat for the afternoon doesn't mean he needs to treat him like one. He swears to himself that he will not humor him by petting his stupidly soft, expensively shampooed hair, or by playing with the fancy ears on the top of his head, or by stroking his back all the way down to his – holy shit is that tail a butt plug?! Nope. He yanks open the fridge violently for a glass of milk. No way in hell is he going to play along. The safest thing to do is ignore him. Probably.

He is about to pour himself a second glass, grinding his teeth together in frustration, when he feels something bump his legs. Shizuo nearly jumps out of his skin and looks down to see Izaya head-butt his legs gently before dragging the rest of his body along, much like a real cat would. Shizuo has to admit, he really didn't think he'd ever see Izaya crawling on the kitchen floor like this. The flea makes a really convincing cat.

Izaya looks up at him with those wide eyes again and meows. Fucking meows, then paws at Shizuo's thigh with loose little fists.

Shizuo is proud of himself for not shattering the glass in his hand.

"What the fuck do you want, flea?"

Izaya just fucking meows again and scratches lightly at his leg like a kitten sharpening his claws – right, cats don't talk.

Shizuo grinds his teeth some more as he counts down from ten, trying to calm down enough so he can figure out what the fuck Izaya wants so he'll get away from him faster.

Izaya's a cat right now. A very in-character cat. And Shizuo…

Oh, Shizuo has a glass of milk.

Shizuo snorts in amusement and looks back down at his new kitty and holds the glass up.

"This? You want some milk, flea?" Izaya meows again, but this time instead of it being ridiculous it sounds like a yes.

Oh, what the hell, Shizuo thinks as he retrieves a bowl to fill with milk for Izaya, I'll just play along for a little while. He tells himself it's funny. He's only putting a bowl of milk of the ground and gently threading his fingers through soft, black hair because he wants to humiliate Izaya.

Izaya purrs and it sounds so real. He crouches down further to lap at the milk and Shizuo's pretty impressed with his commitment to the role. He was sure Izaya didn't care for milk.

After watching Izaya "drink" his milk for a few moments he realizes he was right. Izaya doesn't really like milk. He's making way more of a mess than necessary, Shizuo's sure of it. It's all a show that leaves splatters of milk on the floor and probably more on his face than in his mouth.

Shizuo growls in irritation at the waste and the mess and Izaya looks back up at him, grin mischievous as ever. Shizuo is about to yell at him when Izaya brings his curled hand up and to his mouth and gives it a few licks before dragging is across his face, collecting milk droplets, and repeating the process – purring all the while.

Shizuo's jaw drops as he watches Izaya groom himself, upset that Izaya cleaning milk off his cheeks is turning him on. Once he's clean Izaya pushes himself against Shizuo's legs again in a coy "thank you" before crawling away, swishing his hips more than he needs to – Shizuo is sure of it – just to make his tail swish like he's proud of the damn thing. Shizuo knows he should make Izaya clean up his own fucking mess. He knows he should, but he grabs a rag and cleans it up for him anyway.

Because cat's don't clean up.

When Shizuo's done he looks back into the living room to see Izaya making another mess. This time his troublesome kitten is batting around a ball of yarn and it's unraveling everywhere.

Seriously? Since when do we keep yarn?

Watching Izaya toss around the bright pink yarn, twisting around on the floor tangling himself in it with is fur coat riding up and his black tail swishing around, is unbearably cute. Shizuo tries his very best not to smile at the sight. He sits at the kitchen table and just watches his boyfriend enjoy his unusually harmless fun. Shizuo thinks that maybe, as crazy as it seems, Izaya could benefit from something like this every once and awhile. Could let himself be care-free even if it means taking on the mindset of a house pet.

Shizuo's just glad he gets to be the one to take care of him.

Eventually Izaya tires of the yarn and comes back into the kitchen with Shizuo, predictably leaving the living room a tangled, pink mess. Shizuo can't bring himself to be upset anymore and lets his fingers stroke his little kitty's black fur when Izaya comes to him again, purring loudly and mewling occasionally.

After a moment of peace Izaya takes a swipe at his hand, cat language for "I'm done being pet, don't touch me peasant." And crawls up onto one of the chairs before hopping onto the kitchen table.

"Oi, no cats on the table, flea bag." Shizuo chuckles.

Izaya simply ignores him and pushes all of Shizuo's stuff off the table, plus the empty glass which crashes to the floor, before stretching across the table. Another leap of realism that Shizuo was not prepared for.

Shizuo jumps out of his seat cursing "What the fuck, Izaya?!" and grabs his cat by his scruff, the hood of his jacket, and tosses him off the table. Of course Izaya lands irritatingly gracefully despite the tail, as if he expected this, and just hisses at Shizuo, taking a swipe at his legs before bounding away. Shizuo can feel his blood boiling again and picks his stuff up, wondering why he expected any different of his piece-of-shit boyfriend.

Eventually Shizuo finds Izaya after cleaning the glass and the yarn, trying to force himself to calm down (counting back from one-hundred twice) so he doesn't snap Izaya's neck when he sees him again.

Izaya is curled up on Shizuo's side of the bed, making a mess of it of course, and appears to be taking a cat nap. Shizuo can feel his teeth grinding again as he stomps over to the bed knowing Izaya's faking because he's too light of a sleeper to sleep through Shizuo's threatening approach. Shizuo grabs Izaya by his hood again and picks him up easily with one hand. Izaya lets out a distressed mewl and squirms but Shizuo ignores it. He rips the stupid ears off the flea's stupid head and that seems to break the spell.

"What the hell, Shizu-chan?" Izaya whines, still struggling in Shizuo's grip.

"That's what I should be asking, flea! What the fuck were you thinking?!" Shizuo fumes, dropping Izaya back on the bed roughly. Izaya jolts and gasps loudly, leaving Shizuo confused for a moment before he remembers the tail that Izaya still has in. Was he planning to sleep like that? How long would he have stayed like that if Shizuo had let Izaya have his way?

"I was in-character, of course." Izaya states like it's the most obvious thing in the world, recovered flawlessly from being dropped on his ass with the sex toy still inside him. "I know you like cats, Shizu-chan. Don't pretend you weren't enamored by me." Izaya purrs again, his words smooth and infuriating as ever. The same old smirk back on his face.

"You didn't have to be a fucking ass and leave me to clean up your fucking mess!"

"Ah, but I didn't make you do anything. Shizu-chan just wanted to be a good owner~" Shizuo flushes bright red and sputters at this. Izaya just grins wider and continues. "Was Shizu-chan hoping for his new kitty to be sweet and cuddly?" Izaya suddenly lunges forward and gropes Shizuo through his slacks. "Was Shizu-chan hoping I'd drink his milk~" Izaya licks his lips and looks up at Shizuo through his eyelashes.

"S-Shut up you damn louse!" Shizuo growls, bright red up to his ears, and shoves Izaya away.

Izaya laughs easily and nuzzles his crotch like he nuzzled Shizuo's leg for the milk earlier. "I know you liked having a kitty~ I'll make you like it even more, just give me back my ears and we'll keep playing…"

As usual, Shizuo feels like he's dealing with the devil when he deals with Izaya.

"Fine…" He grumbles, "But no more broken glass." Izaya's eyes light up with victory, almost buzzing with excitement when Shizuo carefully arranges the fluffy ears on his head again.

It's like Shizuo turned on a switch. Izaya instantly starts purring again, seeking out Shizuo's hand to be pet and spoiled. In the end Shizuo can't resist spoiling his boyfriend, or his new kitty. He strokes his hand down Izaya's spine, smiling at the way he arches into his touch, and slips his hand under his jacket to toy with the base of Izaya's tail.

"Also, collars are supposed to have name-tags, Zaya…" Izaya keens and nips at Shizuo's neck in response to the new name.