MAJOR SPOILERS

M-A-J-O-R S-P-O-I-L-E-R-S

majorspoilers

MaJoR SpOiLeRs

mAJOR sPOILERS

You've Been Warned.

BAD HUMOR AWAITS

Enjoy!

-Q-

"I need to ask you a favour." The Third Hokage starts, he leans his chin on one hand and rubs at his forehead with the other. His winkles are more pronounced than the last time Iruka saw him and his skin paler.

Iruka waits patiently in apprehension. He stands stiff with his hands straight at his sides and his mind rills with possibilities; after all what could Iruka possible do that some other run of the mill chunin couldn't?

"I need to give you a long, possibly life-time long mission. It's S-ranked and something I'd never consider anyone under jounin for. However," The Third pauses and ruffles through a decently sized stack of papers on his desk, putting aside a bundle of them. "This one calls for special abilities that makes someone of your caliber more suitable."

"This is going to be a form of Karma, isn't?" Iruka thinks despairingly to himself. Karma for what, he doesn't know but someone's laughing at him and he bets ten bucks it's Kakashi.

The Third grabs an empty brown paper package and shuffles the bundle in. "This mission is… optional." the sentence is uncharacteristically hesitant. "Admittedly you weren't the first selected for this mission and because the others before declined I got thinking maybe someone more like you would be more open to such a thing." The Hokage smiles nostalgically.

"The mission duration is in truth, only predicted to be eleven years, however depending on the scenarios that arise, that could change at any moment." The Hokage opens the bottom drawer and pulls out a sealed scroll. He sets it firmly on the table.

"The mission is a complicated one; in practically it's only a way to monitor and directly guard the subject however, in reality it encompasses more than that." The Third Hokage holds the package and scroll out to Iruka. "The mission information and your subject's records are all there. I expect your answer in a week's time."

Iruka grasps the mission scroll and package in a daze. An S-class mission? One that could last as long as he lived? What exactly is the Hokage asking him to do? Optional? When had anything ever been optional about the Hokage?

Later that night, with the files spread open on his kitchen table Iruka discovers exactly why the mission is optional. It's called thirty-five inches of neon orange and chaos with five failed assassination attempts to his name.

Naruto Uzumaki.

"Oh no." Iruka breathes out loud, it's this kid. And suddenly the whole "S-ranked" mission makes a whole lot more sense. He has to say no, it'd be inappropriate, his parents – Iruka glances at the 'Public Offensives' section and it makes him pause, the number is already ranked up to twenty-six, mostly for vandalism.

Iruka pinches his nose as the Hokage's words come back to his mind. "This one calls for special abilities that makes someone of your caliber more suitable."

He snorts softly, almost disbelievingly and thinks of the whole fifteen vandalism black marks he has to his own name from when he was child.

Iruka pauses and sips his hot tea soothingly, looking at the Jinchuriki's papers. Despite the twist in gut and the rage that boils there and the pain of losing his parents, there's a small twist in his heart when he's see that number twenty-six… that's eleven pranks more than Iruka on a public scale – and Iruka knows they were probably all larger and more attention seeking than his was.

He stops pretending right then and there that he doesn't recognize that Naruto's being ignored by everyone and he probably uses pranks the same way Iruka did.

For acknowledgement and attention, for anyone to spare a second glance.

Iruka's eyes roam to the profile picture. And he startles himself when he sees a bright, happy smile and blonde, blonde hair and oddly enough, an orange blindfold stretched across his eyes.

He's already a little ashamed that he was expecting something else.

Iruka's reminded of himself as he reads the rest of Naruto's profile.

The attention seeking, the loudness, the no-friends, no-parents, no-sense-of-home (after Iruka lost his parents his house, having miraculously survived, felt more like a home to ghosts than a home for him).

But then he thinks of his parents and the hurt that still festers in his heart and the hell he went through growing up in the aftermath and then he's reminded of exactly what's in Naruto. The Kyuubi, the monster that killed his parents and destroyed his village.

Iruka stares down at 'twenty-six' printed bluntly but precisely and neatly on the paper. And he's reminded that Naruto's the holder of the Kyuubi and not the being itself. He thinks again of the cruel rumors and negative attitude the villagers have towards Naruto.

He finds himself thinking maybe Naruto's just another victim of the Kyuubi.

However, does he really want to let the Kyuubi into his home?

He's stomach rolls with conflict and probably for the first time since his parents' deaths Iruka is at a complete loss about what to do.

"Kami," He swears, his eyes pointed to the sky. "This really is karma."

Iruka's eyes trail to the bottom of the file and he has to close his eyes and slowly open them, blinking a few times and taking a deep breath before looking again.

At the end of the file there's an 'Additional Notes' part, three fourths of it is blacked out – but the part that's not….

Iruka pinches the skin on his elbow to double check he's not sleeping.

'– confirmed blindness in both eyes.'

Suddenly the orange blindfold doesn't seem as silly anymore. Iruka takes a sip of his tea and sits, absolute bewildered, switching his gaze from the number twenty-six to the word 'blind.' Iruka's not impressed at all, he swears.

He eyes his tea cup, then the actual mission scroll (read: thick mission scroll) and then his tea cup again pointedly, "I think I might need to something stronger then this to last me through the night."

-Q-

Naruto Uzumaki is a four-year-old boy that's raised with the reputation of a trouble marker and village pariah.

Anyone that's had the unfortunate luck to land in his ANBU guard knows different.

Naruto Uzumaki is not just a troublemaker.

He's a hellion.

Not of course, that a certain Umino Iruka would know better. Thus is the start of this story.

-Q-

"You accept the mission, then?" There's a toothless smile on the Third's face that makes his wrinkles gave birth to crinkles.

"Yes, Hokage." Iruka confirms firmly, kneeling before the Hokage. There's a determined tilt to his head and a steady look in his eyes.

"Very well then." The Third states, humming in approval and leans back in the comfortable office chair. "Come here at 01200 to pick up you're charge."

Iruka nods, bowing deeply before leaving the office. Once the chunin was out of the office and a good distance away, a single ANBU with lengthily purple hair materializes from the shadows.

"Forgive me for speaking freely, Hokage, but…" She hesitates, waiting for a clear sign form the Hokage that her commentary is not needed. There was none, so she continues. "He's screwed isn't he?"

The Hokage throws his head back lets out a loud, barking laugh. He keeps laughing until he can't, and ends up coughing twice before regaining his composer. An eerie smile plays over his lips. "I think he'll do just fine."

Except that doesn't go exactly as planned, right after the day-care let out, Naruto slipped his ANBU guards.

(You'd think if someone was chasing after a neon-orange blurb, a blind orange blurb, they'd be easy to find, especially if those hunting the blurb were trained ninja professionals.)

But Naruto, Konoha's very own future Hokage (the future's Seventh Hokage, to be exact) out ninja-ed the ninjas.

When Iruka arrived at the assigned time he walked into a scene not many were privy to, the Third giving his orders to the ANBU. Iruka froze by the doorway, over hearing the Hokage commanding a squad of ANBU to find Naruto.

The ANBUs bow and then were gone like a passing shadow. The Third Hokage waves Iruka in and the old man starts stamping the paperwork piled on his desk.

Iruka watches confused. "Hokage, shouldn't you be more worried that Naruto is missing?"

The Third Hokage shakes his head at Iruka and speaks non-pulsed, "He always shows up after he's done harassing the general public."

Said little boy sneezes and almost looses his balance. Naruto discovers that he suddenly has a whole lot more respect for the princesses in stories who have to balance books on top of their heads.

A single red tulip springs from the small flower pot tied to Naruto's head with a sash beneath his chin.

His feet are balanced on a stack of odd, rotting boxes and wood and whatever else the little boy could find to rises him as high as he could go.

Naruto grins and flings out his arms, declaring, "FEAR ME I AM THE DIVINE TREE! I WILL BLOOM MY FLOWER FRUIT AND TAKE OVER THE MOON!"

"Now," Naruto giggles, rubbing his hands diabolically together. "I just gotta wait for night time and the moon to come out and then…" He crackles, "THE FRUIT SHALL BLOOM!"

"What's going to happen after that?" a familiar, deep voice asks and Naruto beams, recognizing it.

"Kaka-sensei!" Naruto exclaims ignoring the annoyed aura that now surrounds the ANBU.

"I'm not you're sensei, kid." The ANBU deadpans, "And I never will be."

Naruto makes an 'I-know-you're-lying-face'. Which, in turn makes Kakashi feel very, very confused.

Naruto huffs before bouncing his head up and down making a pleased expression and stretches his neck up as far it will go. "Bloom flower fruit! Take over the moon!"

"Why?" Kakashi inquires, pausing to take in the sight of Naruto in his orange jumpsuit and blindfold, with an orange flower pot on his head screaming about a "divine tree" and "taking over the moon".

"Minato-sensei," Kakashi thinks, "I'm sorry to say the kid you left behind may not be extraordinary in the way you wanted him to be."

"FOR PEACE!"

"Of course," Kakashi mutters, feeling the very irony of this situation in his bones (even if there's a part of the irony that he feels he's just not getting? It's a very weird feeling). "At least you got that gene." Kakashi shrugged, contemplates whether or not to turn the kid in. Usually, people who inherited the 'world peace' gene ended up okay left alone.

(All six Peins sneezes twice, Tobi and Konan sneeze once and Madara and Yahiko sneeze from beyond in the after life. "No," Was the random collective thought that in unity ran through their heads, "We didn't turn out okay."

Konan looks to Nagato, "Are you having emo thoughts again?" And Nagato stares back, a little offended. He got over his emo stage when he was like, twelve. As if she was a mind reader, Konan objects, "No you didn't. You got worse and went into denial."

While Madara wonders in the afterlife if that was some sort of sign that Tobi had finally hurried the fuck up and gotten all the tailed-beast together, and finally, finally he'd be alive again.)

"…Right." Kakashi says, feeling again – like there was just something he wasn't getting. He shakes off the feeling, instead focusing on the chaos of a child Naruto happened to be.

"Naru-chan," Kakashi teases, taunting the younger boy, "It's time to stop pretending to be a tree for world peace and put on some big-boy pants, okay?"

Naruto pouts, shaking his head and the tulip sways side to side following. "Peace is for cool, awesome ninjas!"

Kakashi squints his eyes, "Are you sure the fruit – "

"It's a flower peace fruit." Naruto interrupts and corrects crossing his arms, not impressed at all with Sensei's delusions.

Kakashi's eye twitches, "Are you sure the flower peace fruit is really for peace?" Kakashi gestures to the whole picture that Naruto's making. "It seems a little evil to me."

Naruto's eye brows crinkle together and there's complete silence for a few seconds until the little boy goes to open his mouth and Kakashi braces himself.

"…Okay. I guess the divine tree could be an evil plot to rule the world made by some black non-human thing." He offers out his arms and Kakashi picks him up, shuffling the kid to his back in a piggyback style. And when Naruto makes no motion to detach the tulip from his head Kakashi shrugs and continues on his way to the Hokage's office.

Kakashi enters through the conveniently opened window, it's a bit more of a tight squeeze now that Naruto's suction cupped to his back like a little leech.

"One orange brat for delivery." Kakashi announces, leaning down to let the kid off and as soon as his hands are free he whips out Icha Icha.

"Pervert." Naruto sniffs, crossing his arms and turning his back to Kakashi.

Kakashi simply raises an eyebrow and nods towards the tulip perched on Naruto's head. "Making fun of other people's quirks when they have too many odd ones of their own is called being a hypocrite, Naru-chan."

"Kaka-sensei," Naruto turns placing a hand comfortingly on Kakashi's leg. "Perverted-ness isn't a quirk – it's an incurable disease."

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched.

The Third Hokage laughs again and at this point Iruka was beginning to think all those wrinkles weren't caused by stress but from laughing. Listening to the horrible hacking and coughing that went on after the fact, Iruka starts to think maybe that's how he'd end up kicking the bucket.

"At least," Iruka thought, "He'd go happy."

"Kakashi," The Third smiled cheekily, "You're dismissed."

Kakashi teleported out of there so fast it was like he actually had somewhere to be (correction – somewhere he's late to, but has to be.)

"Or," Naruto thought and then snickered, "Something to protect, like his pride."

"Naruto," The Hokage addressed sobering up. A serious tone descended the room. "I have some very good new for you today."

Naruto perked up, fidgeting a bit and tilting his head to the side and points straight at Iruka.

"Does it have to do with them?" Naruto asks shuffling his feet around and hunching his shoulders up a bit like a defense.

"Yes," The Hokage smiles warmly, so much so that it infects his voice. "Iruka's adopting you."

"Iruka?" Naruto says breathlessly. "Iruka… sensei?" He says hesitantly.

"Yes, Naruto. Iruka-sensei." The Third confirms, a pleased look come upon his face.

It's Iruka turn to become confused, he'd signed up for the teaching position at the academy but he wasn't starting his position until Taki-sensei retired in three mouths (coincidentally it would be Naruto's first year at the Ninja Academy).

"Not a sensei yet." Iruka interjects kindly.

Naruto still seems to be in confounded state at the news, his eyes are covered but Iruka's positive they're wide and his mouth is hanging open. Naruto repeats the information, "Iruka-sensei's adopting me?"

The Third's still smiling and speaks, "Since you talked about him highly I figured it'd be a good match." The Hokage's smile becomes strained, "It seems Iruka can keep up with you."

And before Iruka could ask just what that meant, Naruto slaps both his cheeks up his hands and shakes his head and grins a hundred-watt smile, one so bright it actually radiates light.

"Iruka-sensei is one of my most precious people!" Naruto yells, declaring it to the world and throws his hands up.

A strike of warmth hits Iruka, and more confusion – what could've Iruka done to deserve that title? He really hasn't done anything for Naruto yet, if just acknowledging Naruto's existence made the boy give that much loyalty to a person… well that made Iruka's mission harder and easier at the same time.

Iruka leaves the Hokage's office the guardian of a bouncing four-year-old holding his hand and a satisfied Third left behind.

As Iruka and Naruto walked out of sight, the Third hummed in relief. It's a fact that Hokage has mountains of pressure and responsibilities on their shoulders, being able to trust just one of those responsibilities, a boulder sized one too, to another person is more relaxing than the Third thought it would be. Glancing over to Yodamie's picture, wondering, not for the first time, what just he left behind – what the 'Fourth's Legacy' had to offer. Right now, everything was certainly a mystery.

-Q-

"We're here." Iruka announces for Naruto's convenience. The little boy ambles in and immediately starts touching everything and anything, the walls, the kitchen table, the counter, chairs, and cupboards and the box television set up in the living room on a stand. Naruto in his curiosity gets the sliver wear door open and if Iruka hadn't been watching he wouldn't have caught Naruto's hand before the boy had stuck his hand straight into the thing and Iruka can't count the numbers of way something could go terribly wrong if that had happened (he wasn't a Nara after all).

Naruto pouts and frowns, and tries to tug his wrist free from Iruka's tight grip.

"How about I take you to your room?" Iruka says like a suggestion even if it really wasn't.

Naruto turns to Iruka and grins, distracted by the thought have a having a new room to concern himself with the sliver wear door. Iruka breathes a sign of relief and misses the quick glance Naruto sends back to drawer.

Iruka leads Naruto to the second door on the left wall of his apartment, when he opens the door it creeks and Iruka winces and peeks at the hinges. Rusted.

"I'll have to fix that," Iruka sheepishly comments, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

"No!" Naruto protests, patting the door. "I like it! This way I can tell that it's my room."

Iruka nods, and nudges the top of Naruto's shoulder with his hand, "Alright. Why don't you get familiar with your room while I start dinner?"

Naruto enthusiastically nods and takes off, eager to get comfortable with his new living arrangement and Iruka leaves to start dinner.

Naruto searches for the bed and once he finds it catapults himself onto it making the comforters puff up around him.

He smiles to himself and tries to soak in the overwhelming feeling of home, because he actually kind of has one of those now. It's a feeling so large Naruto thinks it barely can fit inside his body and that, maybe this pleasant, alien feeling may cause his body to combust.

"That would be awesome." Naruto thinks fascinated, "Awesome, but sort of scary."

He slowly reaches up and slips his hand under his blind fold and carefully touches his eyes.

"Everything's different here." Naruto says under his breath and he remembers the loneliness, the spite and the anger that still lingers and clings to his heart like a sick, ugly disease and then says to himself, "Maybe that isn't a bad thing."

-Q-

It's over breakfast the next day that Iruka brings up the state of his room, "I didn't paint the walls before because it was just an guest room but now that it's yours we could go buy some paint for it."

Naruto lets out a shriek of delight, and without hesitation (and with food still in his mouth) bursts out, "Orange!"

Iruka wondered why he thought anything different and firmly reminds Naruto to mind his manners and to stop slobbering all over the table like a hooligan and to close his mouth when he chews.

*("But Iruka-sensei! I am a hooligan! It's in my blood." Naruto protests and Iruka flicks his noise, "Well, then you should try to be a polite hooligan. Call me Iruka, I'm not your sensei yet."

"Well, you're certainly acting like it." Naruto snipes back.

Iruka raises an eyebrow threateningly, "What did you just say?"

"Of course, Iruka-nii." Naruto corrects and nervously gulps.)

-Q-

It's then two days later, when they're buying the orange paint (neon orange paint because Iruka lost the argument for a rustier gold tone), he realizes that Iruka had never seen Naruto in any other piece of clothing and promptly feels a) like an idiot and b) like smacking himself in the face.

"Naruto," Iruka attentively and quietly asks, not wanting to embarrass the boy (they were in public after all and kids could be the least predictable things on the planet, who knew what Naruto could get upset about?) "Do you have any other clothes to wear?"

Naruto thinks hard, pondering for a moment and then says, "I have my froggy pajamas."

"That's it?" Iruka inquires and feels like a bigger idiot for not noticing, how does a ninja not notice his child only has two pieces of clothing to wear? A ninja absorbed in stupidity, Iruka sneers at himself.

Iruka grabs Naruto's hand tightly.

"Iruka-nii?" Naruto asks curiously.

"Change of plans, we're going clothes shopping."

Calling the shopping trip a disaster is the understatement of the year. The first three stores they go into won't let them shop, closing just as Iruka and Naruto walk in and the last one they went to overpriced their items by a large amount, by the end of it to say Iruka was seething would be the understatement of the century.

"It's alright," Naruto tries to assure and calm down his guardian, "One day it won't be like this, I'll just have to wait 'till then. My jumpsuits lasted this long, it'll last a few more years."

"No," Iruka says, "Naruto the way they treat you isn't okay. We are getting you at least one new outfit before we leave the market today, even if it's the last thing I ever do." Iruka couldn't legally do anything against the store owners because they didn't "say" anything, so if Iruka did anything "aggressive" it'd be ninja brutality.

Taken back by how passionate Iruka was getting about the subject, Naruto passively nods and lets Iruka steer him to the west side of the market, where the more ninja centered shops were in business.

Iruka marched them both up to a first ninja outfit outlet on the street, the inside was less media centered and bright, most of everything being a darken shade of colour; dark greys, dark reds, dark pinks, dark blues, dark purples, etc. Obliviously, the colours and the sizes of the clothes alluded to the fact that this shop was targeted towards Academy students and ninja families and clans with children.

"Perfect," Iruka mutters, eyeballing the store's content.

"Naruto, what do you want to get?" Iruka poses, turning to the rack of shirts to the right of him and already started to look through them, making sure to check the price tags and the quality – store owners on the west side of town were mostly used to keeping quiet and being cooperative because of their involvement with ninjas. Some of them were retired ninjas themselves.

Iruka hoped they'd be the same with Naruto.

Iruka was saved from picking out anything when Naruto opens his mouth and says, "This," Naruto points at himself, "in every colour available and three more in oranges."

And once again, Iruka wondered why he'd expected anything less.

In total they bought fifteen outfits, four of which were all green toad pajamas because Naruto wouldn't be talked into anything else.

("Iruka-nii," Naruto pouts, "they have to be toads, it ain't good for it be anything else."

"It isn't," Iruka corrects, and Naruto gives him this look and Iruka, finally, finally, finds four pairs of toad pajamas all a size too big for Naruto. However, they were toad pajamas so they'll have to do.

"Here!" Iruka exclaims and presents, "four toad pajamas."

"You promise?" Naruto scrunches up his face at the pieces of clothing that he can't see.

"I promise." Iruka reassures, and the bright, happy, smile Naruto gives him almost makes up for the two hours it took to find them.)

The other eleven sets were Naruto's orange jumpsuit in dark red, dark grey, black, golden yellow, dark purple, dark blue, dark green, and hot pink (because when Naruto said he wanted every colour, Naruto meant he wanted every colour they had, regardless of stupid gender stereotypes). And of course, the three duplicates he was promised.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you soooo much Iruka-nii!" Naruto yells, leaping on Iruka and hugging him tight.

Iruka affectionately pats Naruto's head. "Don't worry about it." Iruka says in return.

"But Iruka-nii," Naruto stresses, and babbles, "You don't understand, nobody's never ever bought me anything like this – the old man bought me ramen sometimes and I love that but nothing like this ever has happened to me and thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouIruka-nii! You're the best!"

Iruka's eyes soften and he gently but tightly hugs Naruto back. "Yeah," Iruka agrees, rubbing circles on Naruto's back, waiting for whenever the little boy wanted to let go and if he didn't ever want to let go, Iruka found himself not minding. "Things are going to be different."

-Q-

Naruto's blindness isn't really a big issue, not that being blind is an issue. Not at all, but it's more of the fact that Naruto acts like his blindness doesn't even exist that's the issue.

If someone is blind, they lose one of their senses and have to condensate for it. The newest and most popular way to do that in Konoha is a walking stick – Naruto doesn't have one of those.

Sometimes, Iruka finds himself being surprised when he's reminded of the fact that, yes, indeed, Naruto is blind.

And to be honest, it takes another week of taking care of Naruto to realize that somehow, someway Naruto doesn't need to see to know what's going around him.

They're in the market again when the realization happens, Iruka lets go of Naruto's hand for one second to pay their ramen bill – and thank Kami the Hokage is paying him biweekly to take care of Naruto or Iruka would probably be broker than a leprechaun after someone steals their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Naruto wonders out into the busy street and a civilian loses control of their cart and it goes spinning down the gravel street.

"Hey!" The good intending civilian screams out, "Look out!"

Now it could be attested to the fact the civilian called out and the sound of all the people scrambling out of the way that Naruto smartly followed suit. But that doesn't explain the way he dodges and maneuvers in between them, as if he can see them.

After the whole incident and Iruka scolding Naruto for wondering away. They continue back down the street back home and a child working at a restaurant throws a garbage bag out into the street accidentally (and Iruka knows it was an accident by the genuine apology they got afterwards and more importantly, the boy's age – he looks just about seven maybe eight, too young to really pick up on the dislike for the Nine-tails (Naruto)), right at them, Iruka's quickly pulls Naruto forward only to find that Naruto was already there. Like he'd knew the garbage bag was coming, which even if he could hear it being thrown his reaction should've been delayed because Iruka only moved a few second after the fact and Naruto was already in front of him – which meant Naruto not only somehow sensed what was happened but could tell what was going to happen and Iruka was baffled.

However, instead of asking. All Iruka said was, "You've got good reflexes." And notes to himself to bring it up with the Hokage.

Naruto puffs his chest up in pride, "Good reflexes make a good ninja."

Iruka ruffles Naruto's spiky hair and hums in agreement, all the while making another mental note to bring that messy can of worms up with the Hokage.

-Q-

"Hokage, are you sure Naruto can become a ninja?" Iruka asks, a frown to his lips and his eyes are glinted with concern.

The Third raises an eyebrow, "Is that doubt I'm hearing Iruka?"

Iruka flicks his glaze downward guiltily – Naruto would be absolutely heart broken if he thought Iruka didn't believe in him. "Just worried, sir." Iruka defends himself and clarifies, "Blindness is something that usually ends a shinobi's career not start it, Hokage… it is really wise for Naruto to become a ninja?"

The Hokage looks Iruka dead in the eye and a shiver sparks down his spine.

"But Naruto isn't just a blind child that wants to be a ninja, if that was the case Naruto wouldn't be considered for the Ninja Academy but would instead have to apply for a **private junior apprenticeship, Iruka, surely you've notice something different regarding him?" The Third points out, leaning his chin on his hand.

"To be honest, Hokage, I would like to talk you about that too..." Iruka adds, his tone not hiding how puzzled he was. "A couple days ago Naruto did this thing where he seemed to be able to tell where an incoming object was coming from and where it was going to land, which was on him and was able to move out of the way before I did."

The Third nods, and a pleased smile comes over his face. "I was waiting for you to come to me about this."

Iruka's eyebrows crinkle up. More confused, and lately with Naruto, being confused is all he's been feeling.

"You remember Naruto's file and how most of it was blacked out, yes?" The Third poses, "It wasn't just the… well, the you-know-what, that was blacked out in that file. Naruto's ancestors were exceptional sensor type ninjas and with Naruto being born blind…" The Third leads on and Iruka immediately picks up on the train of thought.

"Naruto's developed an extremely high chakra sensor ability to counteract his blindness? An ability high enough to sense the chakra in garage? Hokage, for Naruto to be able to sense that little amount of chakra that's… that's crazy."

Everything is made out of chakra. In theory it's possible for great sensor type ninja to sense the chakra of everything, however that's never actually happens. Most of the time sensor type ninja can only sense ninjas and civilians because in humans the chakra is the most concentrated. In objects and other living organisms, the chakra is dispersed, making them hard to sense (summons, and animals that work close to ninja are exceptions because they also train their charka). That's why the more powerful the ninja, the stronger and more recognizably their chakra is.

The Third leans forward in his chair and rests his elbows on his desk, "I firmly believe Naruto can see more than any of us ever will, don't you think Iruka?"

The Third, praised for being the wisest of the Hokage, the "professor" was hitting more than one bull's eye on the target with his hypothesis, not that he'd ever find out.

In end, Naruto had decided people thought he's crazy enough, without having to add another lose screw to the pile he's already was presenting.

-Q-

A month passes and Naruto hasn't been the cause of any public panic. The Military Police weren't holding their breath. Naruto's gone through dry spells before and the longer Naruto goes without causing chaos the more nervous most become.

Like this is part of his plan. Not only the Police Force but other civilians and ninjas Naruto's pranked in the past are becoming more twitchy and overall paranoid.

When will the blonde devil strike again?

An ANBU making rounds, one with horrible, grey hair that his classmate's envied because it made him look more "mature" when they were twelve and now, his comrades tease him about how it makes him look like an old man. Eyes the sky and then lacklusterly stares at down at the high-stung people in the street and says, like a blessing under his breath.

"Not today."

Instead, said blonde haired boy was practicing basic maths under Iruka, confined to an apartment and pouting about at every turn.

The citizens of Konoha all felt they were dodging the edge of a blade just by an inch – that inch being Iruka.

-Q-

The next day the same ANBU was balancing on the wall surrounding the south side of Konoha and looks to the village.

He huffs out a relieved breath, "Not today." He mutters, his eyes narrow.

Naruto, this time was busy chasing a spooked cat around Iruka's apartment – in truth it was the neighbour's cat and Iruka was supposed to take care of it but Iruka had to go to bank for a little bit to deal with "adult stuff," therefore Naruto was left taking care of a cat who hates his guts.

When Iruka gets back he makes Naruto clean up the trashed apartment then makes him do extra math work, forcing him to spend his whole day indoors again.

Therefore – Konoha is spared for another day.

-Q-

Two days go by and of those two days, the same ANBU blesses Konoha with the message, "Not today."

At this point most of Konoha has fallen into a state of relaxation, some forgetting Naruto existed.

Today, Naruto was given a bit of an unscripted history lesson about the Hokages and their specialities. When they got to the Fourth Hokage, Naruto's ears perked up paying more attention to Iruka then he already was somehow. Though, Iruka doesn't understand how that's possible because, really, this is most Iruka's ever seen Naruto engaged in something factual, ever.

"Can I learn do that?" Naruto excitedly asks, his eyes lighting up.

"Learn what?" Iruka asks, too surprised at Naruto's question to lecture him on manners and how interrupting someone isn't polite at all.

"Learn seals." Naruto blinks at Iruka like Iruka was the one that had a tendency not to listen.

"Well," Iruka considers, pondering and hesitating for only a few seconds, "I suppose, it'll be hard though." He finally says.

And suddenly, the whole of Konoha had a sensed, that somewhere, somehow, they just inevitably doomed.

Simultaneously, every person in Konoha remembered a name –

Uzumaki Naruto.

-Q-

The next day the grey haired ANBU stood on top of the Fourth Hokage's head and lifted his arms up high and spread them open wide and proclaims poetically, "We're fucked."

Naruto slurps up a wad of noodles, soup spatters on his chin and dips down, hastily Naruto pats his sleeve against his chin – his hot pink sleeve, because today was the day and he had to look his best. Naruto could feel it in his bones.

Iruka frowns and hands Naruto a napkin pointedly, he places a good bundle of them beside Naruto's ramen bowl stack.

Naruto grins up at Iruka with noodle bits in between his teeth, making the chunin cringe.

"Naruto, are you going to be full soon?" Iruka asks exasperated, he eyes the tower of ramen bowls and whispers an apology under his breath to his wallet.

"Nope!" Naruto declares, his cheeks full with ramen like a chipmunk with nuts. "I only get to eat ramen once a month, I gotta make it last!"

Iruka can hear his wallet taking its last personified breath, the last pulse of it's fictional heartbeat and dying. He mourns the lost. When he tunes back into reality he realizes Naruto had been talking, trying to catch up Iruka pays keen attention to the boy's ramblings.

"… beside Iruka-nii, I want to learn how to be as good as dad as soon as I can! He's really the best, y'know? That's why I want to become Hokage too! Believe it!"

Iruka's mind blanked, "Naruto… what did you just say?"

Naruto's pouts, sticking out his lip over exaggeratedly. "Iruka-nii were you not listening? The last thing I said was believe it!"

"No," Iruka waves a hand, motioning backwards, "before that?"

"I want to be become Hokage…?"

"No, no not that," Iruka dismisses, tugging a hand through the end of his pony tail in mild irritation "before that!"

"Oh! You mean when I said that the Fourth's Hokage the best?" Naruto suggests, still eating away at his ramen and Iruka too busy trying to get Naruto to answer him to reprimand him.

"The thing before that." Iruka says, moving his chop sticks to sit on top of his own finished ramen bowl (only one ramen bowl).

"That I want to be as good as the Fourth Hokage!" Naruto puffs up his chest, and points a finger at himself. Iruka exhales a sharp breath and slumps on his stool, he thought Naruto had said…

"The Fourth Hokage is my old man after all!" Naruto yells out, pride was dripping from the statement and every single person in the ramen joint turned to look, all equally surprised and shocked at the emission.

Iruka choked.

First there was denial, but as the seconds ticked on, and the colouring of Naruto and the Fourth were compared… people got thinking.

"No freakin' way." A teenage boy who appeared about seventeen gaps, the first to speak out of the silenced ramen shop. "You do look exactly like a mini-yellow flash!"

Iruka prayed for mercy before passing out.

Naruto's smile was blinding and he affectionately pats his hot pink jumpsuit, crackling under his breath. Today was the day, indeed.

Promptly, chaos occurred.

In less than an hour Konoha was a mess of rumors and conspiracy theories. A picture of the Fourth when he was twelve and Naruto as he is currently was glued to a page and photocopied. The page was then put up all over town.

Some had taken to calling Naruto "Noble Blood" and "Konoha's Heir."

It was an actually nightmare for the Military Police and the ANBU, both ordered to do emergency damage control because this was supposed to be a S-ranked secret damn it! What made it a night terror was that the ANBU and the Military Police don't get along, period. And usually that works quite fine but now, now that the little Kyuubi brat let the cat out the bag they had orders (the same orders) and essentially had to work together to some how to fix this security problem.

It takes about two hours for the two groups to realize that they can't really threaten anyone who talks about the fact, despite that tactic usually working there are too many (all of Konoha) discussing the news because even if they get one person to shut up about it, three more people will come along talking about it. The process was an endless cycle that was, frankly, going nowhere.

It takes them another half an hour to come up with suitable solution. The suggestion comes when one of the Uchiha police offers walks by a group of civilian children playing 'telephone'.

After all, if a rumor started this whole mess it could end it, right? Fighting fire with fire.

At the end of the day, the 'Naruto's father is the Fourth Hokage' rumor was buried six feet under a ton of other crazy and ridicules ideas the ANBU and Police took to spreading throughout the day.

Personally, Naruto liked the one about him arriving from another planet the best – the part about him falling from the night sky like a falling star into the forests of the Land of Fire was the part he added himself.

It took a week and half after the fact, before anyone came to the realization Naruto (on purpose or not, though at this point could you really be able to tell?) manipulated the Uchiha Police Force and the ANBU to aid in his prank.

Uchiha Fugaku firmly smackes himself in the face with the palm of hand and wonders in a sort of hilarity if Naruto would grow up to be the most feared ninja, not because of any traditional reason (not power, not wisdom, not because of a sense of duty) but because you never really could tell what sort of bullshit he was gong to pull. And what of that bullshit was going to work. The truth of the matter is Naruto's basically Russian roulette on steroids.

Throughout the next two months Naruto took the reactions of Konoha's residents in stride.

Some called him the Alien Ruler that Came from The Moon and bowed when he walked past.

Others threw rotten fruit calling him Devil Child but really, what else was new?

By the time Naruto was entering the Ninja Academy (three months after the incident) the rumors and such had calmed down and passed over.

In the end, it was Naruto's longest lasting prank, his masterpiece.

Everyone else considered it a dark time of uncertainty and absolute mayhem.

Naruto considered it a job well done.

-Q-
Author's Note:

Hey guys! Thanks for reading and stuff, I literally poured a little of my heart into this so it'd mean the world if you left some feedback!

Footnotes:

*So this line is too familiar to be comfortable for me, and I really don't know if I'm being paranoid or not – I'm pretty sure it's an original piece of dialogue and I didn't steal from another fanfic, but I'm only 89% sure. If you recognize it, please tell me the name of the fic and preferably the chapter it appears in a review so I can credit or remove (depending on similarity of the line) then again I'm 89% I made it up.

I've been having strange déjà vu lately so it could be that acting up.

**Private junior apprentice is something a child with something physically holding them back from entering the academy can apply to (e.g. blindness, a child doesn't have a right arm, or hand, etc.) If a child passes the initial test, they get paired up with two teachers that work one on one with them, training the child up to genin level so if the pass the final exam they can join the others of their year and be put on a three men team. The program however is very strict and has a lower success rate than the Academy (only about 22% of children who entered the program pass) but those who do pass usually end up being excellent ninja. This program is only applied to children with physical needs (Lee's chakra thing therefore doesn't count, because it's not "physical").